You know the best part about last chapter? I didn't plan the cannibal scene. That just happened by coincidence and snowballed from there. Saves me from having to come up with a half-baked excuse for getting a companion perk.

Seriously, I forgot there were cannibals in that AWoP Jean's Sky Diving.

Klutzybear: I have never played Borderlands, but I looked at Krieg's trailer. Damn. The similarities are uncanny. I need to make a reference somewhere in this fic. I have just the ideal place…

Lonesome Road: Me, having no actual real medical knowledge whatsoever aside from helping a person having a heart attack, pulled it out of Tokyo Ghoul where Kaneki's breaking half of Ayato's bones. Blame my copying, I must have mistyped it. And shit, I could have sworn you spell Mojave with an h.

I hate it when I spell things wrong. Why u no tell me, spellchecker?

6000+ words.

Chapter 5 – Whack a mole (rat)


Ulysses stares at me, his gaze impassive. My own gaze has apathetic cranked up to max. As far as he knows, I'm just a random stranger who walked into the Mojave Express.

Unless previous body owner Rick's about to pull a mysterious and troubled past card on me and it turns out he has bad history with Ulysses. That fucker better not. I'm only level four, and Ulysses is like level fifty and all his S.P.E.C.I.A.L. stats are ten. If Ulysses has beef with me, the only thing I can do is run away, and it's unlikely I'll even be able to get away.

Ulysses does not fuck around. It's one of his defining character traits.

Not freezing up, thanks Rick, you lovable not-giving-a-fuck person that you are, I close the door behind me and move to lean on the wall. I wave my hand uninterested at Ulysses in a "go on" gesture, telling him I'm waiting in line. He continues glancing at me for a brief moment, then turns his head and resumes his conversation with Nash.

Wow. I just acted casually around someone as badass as Ulysses.

No unwanted history, I guess. Or maybe he'll shank me in the ribs on his way out. Nah, not his style. More like he'd fire a nuclear missile at all I love and hold dear.

Sorry, that joke needed to be made at one point. It's out of my system now. While the man himself is talking to Nash, let's talk about him (literally) behind his back.

Aren't I a bully?

Ok, so a bit of backstory on Ulysses. He used to be part of this tribe called the Twisted Hairs, if I remember correctly. Caesar came and conquered his tribe. Ulysses then became a fruity-

Erm.

Fruity-men-tary?

That sounds like some kind of candy. Mentally, I punch myself in the brain.

I've got it! Frumentarii, that's the word!

My memory gets a little hazy from here. Basically stuff happened, Ulysses left the Legion and traveled a lot, and eventually found the Divide, which showed promise. Then the Courier unknowingly brought a doomsday parcel which set off an earthquake or something in the Divide ruining everything.

Ulysses was a "little" pissed off at this. What happens next is what likely is occurring in front of me right now, him talking to Nash about the platinum chip package, and then he goes to Big Mountain or something. Maybe it was before this, I don't remember. Sends a message to the Courier's pip boy. Courier goes to the Divide, finds an invincible ED-E that can never die that has a soul or something, and they travel across the ruined landscape of the Divide. Along the way you accidently fire a nuke at Ashton, which Ulysses bitches at you for.

Good job, Courier. Your parents would be proud.

I've technically insulted myself and everyone else who's played Lonesome Road with that statement.

Meh. Whatever.

Then, later on, Ulysses is a dick and steals your robot buddy for launch codes or something. That he had for plot reasons.

Why did a random eyebot have the launch codes? And if Ulysses knew about it, why did he just leave it there and let you get it? I guess perhaps that if he did know about it, Ulysses would see it as some sort of poetic justice that you once again are the harbinger of doom for civilizations by bringing yet another doomsday parcel, this time in the form of an eyebot.

Right, it's been a while since I've played the Lonesome Road DLC so my memory on Ulysses' speech is a little spotty. I think the general gist was that he was bitching at you for blowing up the Divide and was pointing out weaknesses in the NCR and Legion. He also worded it very philosophical-ish and vague, so some people playing the game couldn't make heads or tails of what he was getting at.

I understood the message, though I don't remember what he actually said. It's been too long since I've played that DLC. Then, as a massive fuck-you to the NCR, he gave a prewar computer coordinates to launch a nuke at some important NCR outpost. Said something about cutting throats.

I remember that through some very carefully worded choices, the Courier could convince him to step down, and avoid fighting him. After that, there were four choices as to what you could do with the nuke.

Let it hit the NCR. (Be a dick to NCR)

Reprogram the coordinates to let it hit the Legion instead. (Be a dick to Legion)

Let Divide ED-E sacrifice himself in a blaze of glory to stop the nuke from launching. (ED-E NOOO)

And lastly, stick both of your hand's middle fingers at the NCR and Caesar's Legion by launching nukes at them both. (Apocalypse now, baby)

The Boomers are actually pretty stoked if you choose to blow everything up. Also the Powder Gangers.

Well, it's not my problem anyway. The Courier can deal with it. Unless, as I've said for the billionth time, they're evil. Then, I have to kill them, reach level forty-ish, go survive the Divide, and go up to Ulysses saying, "Look man, this is a really bad idea." and probably fail convincing him and have to kill him.

Then we can just launch it at the Legion. No one'll miss them.

You better be good, Courier, because I am not looking forward to having to do that. Ulysses has put his hands on the counter, drawing my attention. He tapped the charter, which from where I was standing, could see the names of what I realized were couriers on payroll to the Mojave Express.

"This courier right here… Hannah Ainsbury… she's still alive?"

Nash gives Ulysses a look, complete with a raised eyebrow.

"Sure as lack of rain she's still kicking."

Well, if anything, I know the Courier's a she. Hannah, huh? Thought it would be something more original. Least it isn't "Mary", or "Rose".

"Then I'm not interested. You can give the job to her."

"You sure? It's good money."

Ulysses has turned around and is heading for the door. He looks over his shoulder.

"No, let "Courier Six" carry the package." And with that, he left.

The amount of spite in his voice is truly something to be amazed at. I bet if I was in Goodsprings I could have felt it. Now Nash is staring at me. Guess that's my cue. I get off the wall, my hands in my pockets. Leisurely, I walk up to Nash.

I have a plan for overcoming my crap Charisma. Skip the niceties and be as blunt as possible.

"Got a message I want delivered to a person of interest."

"Right then. What's their name?"

"Courier Six."

Jonathan puts down his ledger and gives me a suspicious look, squinting his eyes. My neutral facial expression doesn't change.

"This a joke? Because I think the person you want just left the building."

Ugh. Goddamit Ulysses. Indignation and irritation that isn't exactly mine make themselves known, and I scramble to curb my response from being biting, trying to minimize the damage.

"No." came out as a growl. Dammit. Nash almost looks like he doesn't flinch, but I saw his right fist clench. I decide to lie and increase the validity of my… request.

"Employer didn't give me a name. Instead told me a message, one I had to take to the Mojave Express and give to person of interest "Courier Six". If that man didn't turn down the job, I would have given it it to him. But they were clear it had to go to "Courier Six"."

Just because I have no Charisma doesn't mean I can't speak coherently. It just sounds like I'm pissed at the world when I speak. Imagine a grumpy old hermit.

Jonathan Nash still looks suspicious. Rightly so, as I'm pulling this out of my ass.

"Who's your employer?"

Me.

"None of your business. I'm paying, so why do you care?"

Nash seems to cave in, realizing that I'm not going to budge on this. He sighs.

"Alright, I guess. The message?"

"Give me a minute."

Taking my 4D storage out, I materialize a clipboard with a blank sheet of paper on it. Also a pencil. I got this from the schoolhouse, if you were wondering. Putting my pencil to paper, I craft a message that is cryptic to anyone but the Courier reading it.

The checkered raider lies in the Jewel of the Desert.

Careful. Your actions have consequences.

If you value your life, choose wisely.

Short, but to the point. Granted if this reaches her before she gets shot in the head and loses all her memories, it might be useless. Then again, maybe not, if Doc Mitchell gives it to her along with any belongings she might have. That last part serves as both a warning and a threat because if she doesn't behave herself, something will track her down and kill her.

I made it vague enough to not spoil anything, and put enough in to throw her a bone. Although she might interpret the consequences part as picking the right faction to side with. It matters not to me, she lives, she dies, at the end of the day, the truth is that the Courier specifically is not needed to complete the Battle of Hoover Dam. Just someone capable that can pick up the pieces.

Almost put -a friend- as way of a calling card, but the term friend is inaccurate. I'm more of a… overseer. Watching her before I make my move.

And I did just threaten her.

I'll just leave it blank. Make it more mysterious. She'll probably ask Nash anyway, and now I'm glad most of my face is covered.

Likely, I'll change my armor many times over before I get to Vegas.

Plus, if I can bait her to Vegas, I'll be in a position to camp out near the Strip entrance, using the radio news to give me a rough idea of where she's been. When she appears (I'll be looking for a women wearing a pip-boy) I'll judge her character before revealing myself to be anything other than a bystander.

And if she's evil, I'll just kill her!

Yes, I did say that in a cheery voice, you weren't imagining it.

"Give this to Courier Six, whenever you see them."

Folding the note up, I hand it to Nash, as well as fifty caps for payment. He looks surprised at the amount of caps I give him for a simple note, but seems satisfied. Business transaction done, I turn my head to look curiously at ED-E. Nash catches my gaze.

"What's this thing?" Says me in Rick's default tone as I walk over to it slowly. Not the smoothest transition of changing the subject, but with my crap Charisma, it's as smooth as it'll get. Thankfully, Nash is thick-skinned and doesn't get a stick up his ass for my previous extremely suspicious request. Thanks for making that harder than it had to be, Ulysses and Rick. I had to hold myself back from saying something nastier than "no" earlier.

"That old bucket of bolts? Some pre-war robot. A courier left it off here a few weeks back. I've been trying to fix it, but no luck. Thing's junk as it is now."

"Mind if I try fixing it?"

"Sure, go ahead. It's yours if you can get it working again."

Phew. Social interaction is tiring. Time to fix ED-E.

Walking over to ED-E's sad husk I open his circuit board and do a lot of complicated stuff after materializing scrap metal, scrap electronics, and two sensor modules.

I kinda know what I'm doing, but I can't put it into words. Just know that whatever I'm doing, it's working.

It's like I'm a Tinker from the web serial Worm.

Worm-basically a realistic interpretation of what would happen if people had superpowers. This is a basic summary. Can't go into too much detail, go check it out yourselves, imaginary people.

Blame this gamer bullshit. My hands are moving on their own accord, just like the generator in Sloan. So while this is going on, let's talk about all that crap I just materialized out of thin air.

Sensor modules all look similar, which is expected as they all refer to one type of object.

Scrap Metal and Scrap Electronics are a bit different. See, scrap metal isn't just a pile of random crap clumped together like it was in the game, it's just the random individual pieces. A gear here, a stick of bent metal there. Scrap electronics is similar, it's just technological junk that comes in bits and pieces.

And… done. That was fast. I connect the main power circuit, and ED-E, whose been flipped over as his main circuit panel is on the underside, begins levitating and flips upright. Reaching over, I shut the panel with a metallic clank.

ED-E's beeping at me and bobbing up and down in a happy manner.

Internally, I just made a very unmanly sounding noise that if anyone else but you guys heard, I'd never hear the end of it. How can a steel basketball with a laser attached be so adorable? It's almost criminal.

No really, ED-E is absolutely adorable and anyone who says otherwise should go kill themselves.

"Follow."

ED-E beeps the electronic equivalent of a "yes sir!" followed with a notification in my face.

Enhanced Sensors- While ED-E is a companion, the player can detect enemies at an increased range. Additionally, enemies will appear on a player's compass and can be targeted in V.A.T.S even when cloaked.

Wonder how that's going to work without a pip boy. Nash whistles.

"Well stranger, I guess it's yours."

Funny. I'd thought he'd say more. I wave goodbye and leave the Mojave Express, followed by ED-E. It occurs to me that if the Courier asks Nash who wrote the message, she could use the fact I have a companion eyebot as a way of recognizing me.

For the continued well-being of my sanity, it's a risk I'm willing to take. Better to have a companion that can blow my cover than become a nutter by the time I reach Vegas.

ED-E can't speak like a human, but I can feel my sanity already rising. Must be a sense of companionship or something. Don't need to hold a conversation with him either, which is a plus.

Actually…

I'm calling him Eddy instead of Ee-dee-ee. ED-E is a mouthful and will be a pain to say the letters when I can just shorten it by saying Eddy.

I turn to face ED-E.

"New designation: Eddy."

Eddy beeps a confirmation. That was easy.

We spend the next hour bonding by killing a lot of geckoes in the hills of Goodsprings. Eh, they'll respawn.

Oh wait. They don't.

ED-E's perk doesn't seem to do anything for me, which is a shame, but it won't stop him from traveling with me. I'll probably get sensory overload when I put on a pip boy and the perk decides to work.

I should mention now that while Eddy and I wander, I eat and drink without narrating it. Because that would just be silly and monotonous to do.

While we're at it, let's go to the Lone Wolf Radio shack place. There were raiders there, so being a total uncaring badass, I blew most of them up with what was left in my grenade rifle. I need more shells.

One of them grazed me across the cheek with a lucky bullet, though a stimpack was more than enough to stop the bleeding.

Eddy shot that same raider in the face. I'm so proud. Nineteen.

Looting the corpses, items of interest found include a 44. Magnum pistol Mark II, my 4D tells me, a fire axe, which is really good, and some normal metal armor. I remember there being reinforced metal armor mark II or something in AWoP, though I don't remember where it is…

See, it looks intimidating, which is what I want if I'm going to play bogeyman for raiders. Something to put on my checklist to worry about later. Completely stealing everything of value, I found two corpses in the shack, along with a note.

Tech Raiders?

AWoP hostile-to-all faction. Think Brotherhood of Steel if they were raiders instead of tech-hoarding pricks.

Damn, this is pretty bad actually. I remember finding one of their main hideouts when this was still a game. It was a nightmare. Most of them had high power weapons and armor. Stuff like sniper rifles and power armor. One guy even had an alien blaster.

Fucker caught me off guard the first time and killed me in one shot. It took three reloads to try and kill everyone without dying myself. And I was using an upgraded minigun mark II on my character. In this real life version of FNV, they are a very real threat.

Time to plot how I'm going to kill them all.

Again, I wish I could go to Big Mountain to get my hands on a Protonic Inversal Axe. One of those would be extremely useful against these guys. Because of all the power armor and re-purposed robots.

But again, I would be lobotomized. No thanks. A small part of me whispers the shooting myself in the head idea I half joked about before, but I'm not that desperate and insane to try that. There's no guarantee the brains would reach me fast enough to throw me in the auto doc.

Knowing the screened abominations, they probably argued with themselves for an hour before putting the Courier in the auto doc to be lobotomized. Or is it something else that does it? I dunno.

I wonder what my brain's personality would be. Hopefully not a snob like the Courier's.

Probably a wise-ass. Maybe be cryptic as fuck. But the real reason for coming here was for the Wasteland Survival Guide, which I lean against the wall and read.

A healthy person's urine is about 95 percent water and sterile, so in short term it's safe to drink and does replenish lost water. But the other 5 percent of urine comprises a diverse collection of waste products, including nitrogen, potassium, and calcium. Too much intake of these products can cause health problems.

Your Survival has increased by 4.

Why.

Well, might as well make the joke now, it was going to come up sooner or later.

In the wise words of Bear Grylls, if I ever run out of water, the only thing I can do…

Is to drink my own pee.

There, I said it. Now let's pretend this never happened.


After I sell and buy some stuff in Goodsprings, I head to the Goodsprings sewer manhole. Going down the ladder, Eddy cautiously hovering down, I open the weird door thing by twisting the handle thing.

The ones that have the twisty knob in the center and are colored steel gray? Those ones.

I leer down the metal staircase. It's absolutely pitch black down there.

But I have magic eyes so it's no big. Thanks to them, I disable some bear traps hiding in the darkness. Opening the door at the bottom of the stairs, I come across another one of the wonderful creatures of the waste.

A mole rat. Now, Snuffles was a mole rat, but she wasn't that big, and I wasn't really paying attention at the time to her appearance. Now that my mind isn't distracted by cannibals, I notice how disgusting they really look.

Wrinkly pink splotched skin. Two mouth grabbing things that look like a messed up chin and nose followed by a frowning mouth in the back. Just take a look at a picture of one of the things, you'll see what I mean. Gives me the shivers. Doesn't stop me from beating it over the head with my crowbar though.

Walking through the quiet and smelly halls of the sewer, silence broken occasionally by the murder of mole rats and Eddy bumping into a wall due to poor lighting, we come across an exceptionally large mole rat. Fucker breaks my leg and then runs away like a little bitch. This things bigger than me. So I'm swearing up a storm, hobbling after it on one leg, Hot Blooded making me relatively ignorant of the fact my leg bone is broken.

Rage is a hell of a drug. I did catch it eventually. Drove the end of my crowbar through its eye. After that little excursion was done, the pain finally caught up with me. Used a doctor's bag for the first time.

Took five minutes to clean the wound and put a splint on it. Sure as hell couldn't do it during a firefight. I remember there being implants that fixed your limbs over time, like a constant hydra. Maybe I'll put one in me.

Then I killed even more mole rats and got a perk for it.

Animal Control (rank 1) - PETA would like a word with you.

Hah! I knew it would say something like that!

Leveled up as well. No new perks, so I guess I'll pick Intensive Training again. My Intelligence is now nine. Wonder if I'll actually be good at math now. I could have used this back in high school.

After killing several more oversized mole rats, by way of me baiting them and running away while Eddy shot them, we find a locked door. I open it and there's a glowy glow ghoul standing there. I turn a stealth boy on and sneak up behind it with the fire axe. Standing up from crouching, I swing my axe at the back of its head.

Impact.

Unfortunately, my blow seems to have pissed it off rather than doing any damage. The glowing one slowly turns its head to look at me. I think I heard a door creak while it turned its neck.

Uh-oh. This is a boss, isn't it?

It was.

Suffice to say, what happened next was very painful. I won, of course, you wouldn't be hearing me talking to you if I didn't, but I was far from unscathed. He broke one of my poor ribs. I broke his ugly face. With my axe.

Thanks, Hot Blooded.

Eddy helped too, but I was the real MVP for that fight. Gotta admit, I sure as hell didn't feel like a winner when I finally killed him. Glowy bastard. Scratched me a bunch while I was attempting to backpedal. Nothing a stim can't fix.

Then I got high for the first time. Med-X. Because pain and crippled limbs suck.

Well, not high as in the woooaaah maaaan that's some gooood shitttt way, rather I can't feel any pain from my various broken limbs. Also, euphoria.

Maybe a little wooaahh. Just a little.

Then, because fuck it, I drank another hydra. Doc Mitch only said to not abuse it. Which I'm not. For good measure, I put a brace on my torso.

Don't ask me how the braces in doctors bag works, it's like one size fits all. Using it puts me in the same semi-trance state I entered when repairing things.

Found a dog tag on the ghoul. Remembered it's for a quest. From the AWoP NCR ranger in Goodsprings.

Where oh where has the Legion spy gone? That's the quest name.

Without further ado, let's once again drag our sorry ass back to Goodsprings. So I did. I'm using a lot of repetitive statements. Note to self: start using more original statements as to not bore the imaginary audience.

Wouldn't want that, now would we?

Blah blah, went back to Goodsprings, blah blah, talked to the NCR person, got potatoes and stuff as a reward, blah blah did some stuff. You won't believe how boring some of the crap I'm doing is. But hey, something interesting is just about to happen!

Cause we've reached a Vault! An AWoP vault!

Which is where we find ourselves now. Vault 40. Before we got here, I killed three more Powder Gangers at the camp near Jean Sky Diving. Twenty two.

Man, why is everything coming in three's today?

Also crawled through an AWoP sewer pipe next to the camp. Found radscorpions and had to swim through sewer water. Not pleasant. I am so glad I replaced my eyes. It was dark as fuck in there, just a little worse than Goodsprings sewers. Didn't break a rib or a leg this time, just threw dynamite and grenades at the buggers. Eddy can see in the dark or something, because he shot one from twenty feet away in what was for him, absolute darkness.

He does have a Perception of ten. Advanced motion sensors?

Had a particular hairy moment when I turned a corner and a big radscorpion got the jump on me. My eight Strength proved its worth when I swung my crowbar on reflex and knocked the radscorpion's stinger off course from impaling me.

I spent the next five minutes distracting it (running away) while Eddy kept shooting it. It disintegrated into a pile of ash via lucky crit.

At the entrance of the vault, a mantis tries to rush Eddy and me. It gets a crowbar, followed by a laser in the face for its troubles. If Eddy had hands we'd high-five for teamwork right there.

Descending further into the vault after robbing an explosives crate, we come across two more manti. They don't put up much of a fight. One of them nicks me with the sharp thing that mantises all have.

There's a dead Powder Ganger on the floor though, wearing a hockey mask. I take it of his hands, rather, face. He's ugly. Maybe I should put it back on. Nah, I'll keep the mask.

Scavenging anything of value, it comes to my attention of the smell of the vault.

Rust. Not unexpected, given its two hundred years old. Vault 21 is a rare specimen among vaults in being well preserved, given that some horrible prewar testing atrocity didn't occur there.

I get that most of them were social experiments trying to see what was best for the future of humanity but still. Vault-Tec, what convinced you that putting shady crap from the crackpot scientists at Big Mountain into Vault 22 was a good idea?

Like I said before, pre-war people?

Crazy. Most of them worse than the crazy people on the Earth I came from.

Check Your Privilege? I'm white and that is just blatant racism.

Feminism? Can't really speak unbiased for this one since I'm male, but even if I was a female I'm pretty sure I would find it stupid.

Trump making America great again? He- wait, shit, don't talk about that one, wouldn't want to trouble alternate me by starting a political flame war in the reviews that may or may not exist.

Can't dismiss the fact that this might be a self-insert. I've read too many of them to not be genre savvy. Likely, every time I poke fun at the fact this might be a self-insert, the fourth wall cracks a little more.

Not sure if that's classified as breaking the forth wall, or leaning on it. Maybe it's lampshade hanging. I don't feel like I'm talking to an invisible audience hiding behind a computer screen, reading these very words in digital text.

This is most likely just a coping mechanism I'm using to not give into despair at the fact I've been dropped into a world filled with horrible monsters.

Right?

Not sure why I expected an answer. I need a medical checkup.

Also, I'm fixing my Charisma as soon as possible. Raise it to a four or something. I don't care if this is supposed to be some kind of plot point or some "gag", I'm tired of being needlessly unfriendly to everyone. If my previous body's "stats" were classified by the S.P.E.C.I.A.L. system, my Charisma would have at least been a four or five. This one Charisma point is absolutely ridiculous.

At some point during my monologue, Eddy detected some enemies and went charging off after them. I promptly snapped out of my reverie and went chasing after the eyebot to make sure he didn't get himself killed.

Hearing Eddy's music in real life is ten times better than hearing it in the game.

Eddy ran into an absolute swarm of mantises by opening up a door by… poking the wall panel buttons with his mounted laser blaster. So that's how he opens doors. Always wondered how Eddy could do it in the game with no hands.

What happened next was rather unpleasant. Eddy ran- hovered into the thick of a swarm of the buggers inside what looks like a classroom. Got slashed multiple times trying to bludgeon the fuckers to death. My outfit's ripped up.

I'm not that bothered though. I have better armor available anyway.

After stabbing myself in the wrist with a stimpack, I kill the last mantis trying to touch Eddy, and then level up. Eddy freezes mid-hover.

I'll need to make sure I resume my original position when leveling up around people in the future. Can't pull a King Crimson- er, I mean, be facing one way before the level up and facing another when it's over.

Level six. New perks?

New perks.

First up is Heave Ho. Maybe I'll get it if I run out of perks I want in the future. Increased throwing distance for grenades and throwables isn't really necessary as I fight up close and personal.

Second's Bloody Mess. I already said I'll skip this one. I get the feeling I'm going to have a hard enough time cleaning blood off my armor in the future. Next.

Fortune Finder. Let's you find more caps in containers. Seeing as I have a lot of carry-weight capacity due to the 4D, I can just pick up everything and sell it.

Gunslinger. Increases VATS accuracy of pistols. Melee build, unnecessary.

Lead Belly. I'd only want this if I plan on going around guzzling prewar food and irradiated stuff. Which I don't.

Toughness. Adds more armor to my body. This is the one.

Toughness (Rank 1) - Now when you stub your toe, you cry less.

Charming.

Moving on, I open a door into what looks like a storage room. It's filled with food and ammo. Taking everything of interest I move onto down the hall and around the corner, where I find the lavatories.

I open the men's bathroom door. It's caved in.

Oh. Guess we'll have to go in the women's bathroom, don't tell anyone.

Shhhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm sure Eddy won't tell anyone, as everyone sees him as male.

I do, at least. Sadly, there's nothing of real interest inside the women's restroom. Not even a med box.

Aw.

Walking back down the hall past the classroom and storage room, I find a locked door I can't open. There's probably a key to it somewhere. There's always a key nearby. Because video game logic.

After a minute or two of more exploration, I find a staircase labeled for the lower level quarters. Entering the quarters leads me to another cramped hallway, with two doors close to the one I just came through. A tiny mantis comes out of the door on the left.

I kill it by stepping on it. Nothing much in the left room, just a gun mod for a service rifle and some ammo. Right room is a bit more interesting, some locked crates, magazines, and even some medical supplies.

Found another Chinese Stealth Book. I think these things are stalking me. Let's read it.

Before attempting to sneak, rotate your joints, such as knees, hips, and ankles. Your ankles are especially important as they tend to "pop" often. Warming up is essential. If you are not warmed up, you can get hurt more easily and you make more noise.

Your Sneak has increased by 4.

Walking out of the room, I and Eddy walk to the right at the end of the corridor. After a couple turns we find ourselves in the "official" medical section of the vault. I take all the supplies and find yet another drug.

Buffout.

Aside from Hydra, Med-X, and that Mentat a few hours ago, I haven't done any others. Steady is virtually useless for me since I don't use guns, and unless you like to snipe with missile launchers, is unnecessary for explosives. Psycho I'm saving for usage when fighting Powder Gangers in the NCRCF Correctional Facility.

Usually I do that place solo, but I guess I have Eddy to help me this time around.

I forgot to mention, using mentats make you feel more perceptive, speeds up your reaction time and stuff. I guess it also makes you more charismatic but if so, I didn't really notice any change to my weird behavioral issues. Still felt aggressive talking to Nash. If I raise my Charisma, maybe it'll go away.

Walking back there's another door I haven't opened. Opening reveals an army of mantises staring at Eddy and me. Eddy plays his battle music and begins to hover forward, but I grab him by placing my hands on his metal chassis and dragging him out of the room.

"Stay with me." Don't want a repeat of the earlier mantis incident.

As much as it might seem I'm having ease fighting these bugs, it isn't the case. It just looks easy due to the fact I don't exactly think "descriptively" when I fight, since all I'm doing is hitting them with a piece of metal. I don't narrate the complexities of most of my fights mid battle such as dodging, healing, and hissing in pain from injury, that sort of stuff, usually resulting in a dumbed-down version of what happened after the fight is over.

I do get hurt during my fights, it's just that most of it can be healed with a stimpack and become as good as new, which makes talking about how the pain feels a null point when it'll just be gone a few seconds later. Stimpacks are just a jab and a push, taking only seconds to administer. The location of where you administer it so far hasn't seemed to matter.

Trust me, this isn't as easy as I'm making it look. I flinched for a second at the sheer size of that mantis at the start of the vault. Mantis almost slashed me good. Just recovered my nerve in time to hit it before it could hit me.

Describing things in heavy detail has never been a strong suit of mine. If some random person asked me to provide a description of New York, I'd just tell them it was a famous U.S. state. Wouldn't mention the architecture, the customs, where the best bar is, none of that. I don't think gaining Hot-Blooded as a trait perk has helped that weak point much.

While I'm thinking of this, Eddy and I have spent several minutes killing everything that has stepped out of that entryway. I've continued throwing dynamite into the room, not caring if I didn't hit anything because I've a fuckton of dynamite. Eddy just shot anything that made it through the explosions.

This is working out pretty well, especially since Eddy's now showing intelligence unlike his in-game counterpart who has a tendency of rushing to his death.

Then, a mantis the size of a cow steps through the door.

Penny- no wait, cap for my thoughts?

IT'S SO BIG OH MY GOD IT'S SO FUCKIN BIG EDDY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING QUIT SHOOTING IT AND RUN-

Grabbing Eddy from midair and tucking him under my left arm, I fuckin book it, running away from the legendary mantis, who is really big, and really pissed off.

I mean, the Radscorpion in the sewers earlier was big, but it looks nowhere as freaky as the mantis.

Eddy's shooting lasers at it while it's chasing us, tucked in the crook of my arm. The thing behind us sounds like it's getting closer, more pissed off. Running up the stairs to the next level, I unclip a plasma grenade from my waist and toss it over my shoulder. Hearing it smack the oversized mantis in the face I run to the classroom and close the door, hearing the grenade explode in the confined space of the vault.

The next few moments are nothing but silence, except for Eddy making panicked beeping noises under my arm. I let him go.

Is it dead?

Taking the 4D out I materialize the fire axe. Picking it up, I open the door and carefully peer into the hallway. No sign of it. Eddy hovers behind my shoulder at a tilted angle, like he's peering out into the corridor too.

Adorable.

"Eddy, keep your distance." He beeps an affirmative.

Slowly I creep down the corridor that I was just running down a minute ago. I peek around another corner.

The Legendary Mantis is a wreck to say the least. It's dragging itself across the floor by its two sharp things, arms, a helpful part of my brain tells me.

It always pissed me off that people will never tell you the technical term for the arms, instead spouting stuff how the praying mantis eats other bugs efficiently using them.

No shit, Captain Obvious.

Arms. Never would have guessed. Most of the back legs and the two wings are crippled, bent at odd angles. It's bleeding green glowing stuff everywhere.

I don't think that's normal.

Then again, this is Fallout, and that's one big mantis, so who knows? Just kill the damn thing already. Raising my fire axe over my head, I wait for it to crawl closer to me. Damn thing's still chasing me. Gotta admit, that persistence is… legendary.

Ba-dum tss.

I'm not sorry. Here it comes.

The thing sticks the two sharp arm things into our stretch of the corridor first. As the mantis pulls it's body with it, it's greeted by the sight of my axe rapidly descending down upon it's head.

Crunch. Must have been the exoskeleton around Marry Mantis's head breaking.

Do you like my nickname for it? This is going to be a habit, I can tell.

Let's see… Mutfucker Mcgee, Fuckboy, Boy Scout, Tinhead, Marry Mantis… I've got a good collection of insulting nicknames already. Let's add more in the future.

Hmm… We need one for the Legion…

Steers and queers?

Nah. Maybe if they were cowboys instead of wannabe romans.

I'll have plenty of time to think of one on the road.

Damn, the axe is stuck.


Writing this chapter got boring near the end. Expect a particularly massive timeskip next chapter. An actual one, unlike this chapter, which was just short summaries. We won't be in Vegas, not even close, but I'm beginning to lose my sanity narrating everything. You will hear a detailed summary of everything I've done in that timeframe, don't worry. Understand, narrating a dungeon can be a bore at times, and both you and I will get bored if I narrate every dungeon I do. My mental dialogue can only go so far at being entertaining.

P.S. All the information for the skill book quips I'm getting online, so don't yell at me if it's wrong.

P.S.S. For anyone wondering the technical term of mantis arms, apparently they are called "raptorial legs". Thank me later.

Profile

Name: Rick

Level: 6

Title: Protector

Karma: Good

Perks

Animal Control (Rank 1)

Bionic Eyes

Built to Destroy

Comprehension

Hot Blooded

Intensive Training (Rank 3)

Toughness (Rank 1)

S.P.E.C.I.A.L

Strength – 8

Perception – 7

Endurance – 8

Charisma – 1

Intelligence – 9

Agility – 5

Luck – 5

Skills

Barter - 7

Energy Weapons - 19

Guns - 19

Explosives - 30

Lockpick - 55

Medicine - 29

Melee Weapons - 50

Repair - 50

Science - 30

Sneak - 34

Speech - 11

Survival - 29

Unarmed - 21

Faction Reputations

Goodsprings: Accepted

Sloan: Neutral

Primm: Neutral

Powder Gangers: Vilified

Brotherhood of Steel (NVC): Fugitive

Edited 2/5/2019.