Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just borrow them.
Author's Note: I write without restrictions – I don't follow timelines or recount the correct "version" of events. I use the show – as well as what happens in the show – for inspiration. In saying that, die hard CSI fans – if any read – will remember what I'm writing about from the show; however the accuracy won't be documented play by play and word by word. I prefer to write from Catherine's POV – if it varies, it'll be stated.
Chapter 1
"Just get him outta here," I muttered fighting back tears as I stormed into the break room and slammed the door shut with my foot, leaning against it and cradling my throbbing wrist to my chest. I didn't know how I thought I'd get any privacy there, but it was the closest escape route from Eddie. Again. Escape routes weren't something new to me – maybe it had been a while, but it wasn't unfamiliar. I took a deep breath to calm down and tried to will the tears at bay. Turns out I didn't have much will power today. I angrily wiped the tears away with my good hand, still clutching my wrist against my chest. I tried to flex it and cried out a little when I felt a stab of sharp pain. I didn't think Eddie could've hurt me that badly, but I forgot he had large hands that sometimes seemed to come with iron clad grip and he had managed to twist it a little before he slammed it against the double sided glass - hard. I trudged towards the grey two seater couch and fell into the corner cushion, scooting forwards and perching on the edge so I could put my head between my knees and challenge my now shallow breathing. Eddie had riled me up, like he always does, and I was just upset. I was upset and humiliated. No, I was more than that; I was angry – seething and my blood was still boiling and that's what was making it so difficult to calm my heart rate. My life was my work and the few scraps of private life I did have were now floating around the CSI Crime Lab. Just then I heard the break room door open and close quietly and I groaned inwardly, wanting to bury my head into the carpet completely. I just couldn't face anybody right now.
I felt the couch sink as someone sat down and when I shifted my head slightly I saw Nick's work boots come into view and I almost relaxed.
"Hey Cath, are you okay?" I felt his hand lightly touch my shoulder and flinched a little involuntarily, more out of habit than anything else, but I felt Nick's hand withdraw.
I slowly sat up and moved back to rest my head, turning to look at him. "I'm fine, thanks Nicky." I smiled weakly and then closed my eyes. "It's just Eddie . . ." I felt my jaw clench. "He pisses me off and drives me crazy! He just has this way of getting under my skin and making it crawl – fucking moron."
He gave me a sympathetic half smile and said, "Yeah I know."
"Oh God," I cringed, feeling my humiliation drop another couple of notches. "Who else knows?"
"I don't know," he answered simply. "I didn't hear it, I saw it. I was heading towards here when I heard the commotion and stopped when I saw Grissom appear out of nowhere. That's when I saw Eddie had you pinned. How's your wrist?" He leaned over and gingerly grasped my fingers so he could take a better look. I winced when I saw a clear pique red print of Eddie's fingers, his hands so oversized in comparison to my wrist it was a complete overlap.
"Jesus Cath, just how hard did he grip you?" He looked at me almost in disbelief, but then I saw his eyes begin to darken as he frowned. "You know – "
Nick was interrupted when the break room door opened again and this time it was Warrick who was carrying Lindsay. She seemed okay - maybe a little bewildered by all the noise and disturbance, but lit up when she saw me and Warrick put her down. She ran to me with arms outstretched.
"Mommy!" Throwing her arms around my neck I lifted her to sit on my lap where she buried into my chest. I grimaced at the movement of my wrist, but hugged her tightly. "Why you . . . you, Daddy fighting again?"
I felt a heavy pang hit me in the chest and licked my lips quickly before I answered her. How do you explain abuse, money embezzlement and a custody battle to a 3 year old? "Baby, Mommy and Daddy just have lots to talk about, okay?" I gently scratched her back in a circular motion, knowing it always calms her down.
"Umph." She didn't look at me when she gave me that as her reply, but reached out and took my locket, playing with it and trying to see if it would open.
I sighed a little and glanced up to find Nick and Warrick watching me, hovering for support. "Hey," I whispered and cupped her little cheek forcing her to look at me. "I love you so much, okay?" Then I smothered her with kisses and she giggled.
"Mommy, stop!" More kisses, more giggles. "Stop!" And she pushed her little hands against my chest.
"Okay." I rested my forehead against hers. "I'll stop when you tell me how much I love you!"
She giggled and then hiccupped. "So much!"
"How much?" And I tickled her.
"So much!" I stopped tickling and took hold of her baby wrist, holding both her hands in mine. "What's that?" She gently ran her tiny fingers over where Eddie had bruised me, which was still red but now starting to swell and would soon turn purple just like they always did.
I avoided looking at Nick and Warrick and swallowed hard. "Mommy had a little accident and hurt her wrist, but I'm going to be fine baby." I tried to smile reassuringly.
"Boo-boo?" And she cocked her head, now curious. This was the problem. She was smart and I knew that – obviously Eddie thought I was just saying it because she was my daughter, but she's honestly smart. It's a kind of smart that Eddie doesn't have – common sense. Lindsay was developing her "street smart" that normally comes to kids at a much later stage in life, if some even learn it at all. I didn't trust myself to speak and so I just nodded and then, without prompt or anyone saying anything, she leaned down and butterfly kissed the bruising it was so light.
I swallowed hard again and looked up at Warrick, clearing my throat and having difficulty trying to get the words out. "Baby, Uncle Warrick is going to take you to Nana's house, okay? Then Mommy will pick you up later."
She looked at Warrick and then back at me a couple times as though weighing up her options. "I want to stay here. With . . . with you," she mumbled softly and then began to fiddle with my blazer buttons. I loved my job, but it's moments like this that broke my heart.
I tightened my hold on her, as though trying to reassure her. "You can't baby. Mommy – "
"Mommy has lots of bad guys she has to catch to keep people safe Peanut and that's why you need to go to Nana's so that you're safe."
I shot Nick a grateful look at rescuing me because Lindsay then nodded solemnly, now comprehending. "Okay. We go . . . go now?" She turned to Warrick and I smiled, pleading with him.
"Uh, sure. Yeah we can go now." He picked her up from my lap and I stood up at the same time.
"Take my SUV because it'll be easier with the car seat - keys are in my locker." I kissed his cheek. "Thanks Warrick, I owe you."
"Don't mention it." He shifted Lindsay to the other arm. "Hey Linds, what's your favorite car music?"
"Disney!" She grinned.
I laughed and then kissed her on the lips. "Mommy will call you later, okay?" I called after her as Warrick's tall frame disappeared out the door. I let out a big sigh and dropped down onto the couch again.
"You're really great with her Cath," Nick said smiling. "The way you handled that."
"Yeah well, you become good with practice," I quipped without even thinking. "I mean – "
"I think I know what you mean." He cut me off softly. "You know, it's probably a good thing Grissom got there before me because I don't think I would've been as restrained."
"Yeah well, that's Grissom's style. Always has been. Always will be." I smiled dryly, without humor.
"I kind of figured that. You know I know Eddie's a bastard."
I raised my eyebrows, but then nodded in agreement.
"I know he cheated on you and now he's trying to knock all of us with this bullshit custody case, but I think there's more to it. I think there has been more to it."
"Nick . . ." I said warningly.
"I'm sorry Cath." He reached out and carefully took my wrist, now starting to bruise. "I don't mean to pry, but you're my friend and I care about you."
I smiled faintly. "Thanks Nicky. I appreciate that."
"Is it true that Grissom knew Eddie was cheating on you and just didn't tell you?"
The question stunned me and I fumbled before I could answer him. People knew Eddie had cheated on me – I didn't keep that a secret – but not many knew details, such as that Grissom knew.
"Uh yes," I answered softly. "He knew, but deemed it none of his business and that he wouldn't interfere. I don't think I've ever forgiven him for it."
"I don't blame you. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and you don't have to say anything if you don't want it to, but was Eddie abusive?"
I looked down and felt my stomach drop; my hands becoming a little clammy as I instinctively moved to touch the bruise. "He was uh, yeah he was." I cleared my throat at revealing the secret. "And more."
"And more?" I looked up and our eyes met briefly, but I saw the concern and felt it when he put his hand on my knee. I flinched again, but he didn't remove it this time.
"Well Eddie got whatever he wanted whenever he wanted and how ever he wanted, including sex. He was, uh, he was very controlling. When I was still dance – I mean working at the club he'd keep me in check with coke so . . . that's my own fault." I felt the familiar surge of guilt and shame, but I figured by now Nick did actually know everything, or he wouldn't have asked, so he was just looking for confirmation.
"God Cath, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize it was that bad." He squeezed my knee. Ah. The word 'realize' indicated to me that he had actually worked it out. "And Lindsay?"
"Lindsay was probably my saving grace. The abuse became less and not as severe –"
"So he didn't stop completely? Even though you were pregnant?" Nick looked at me in disbelief again, his eyes then darkening in anger.
"I was working here already though. I had been for a couple years already," I said it as if that made up for it.
"Do you think Grissom knew about the abuse?"
He had asked the question I had known the answer to for years, but had never verbalized it to anyone, ever. I took a deep breath before I answered slowly, "Yes. I think he did."
"But just like with the cheating he wasn't going to get involved." Nick filled in for me. "Why didn't you go to the police?"
"Did you seriously just ask me that?" I scoffed and shook my head. "Nick, Eddie has friends everywhere. He also has friends in very high places. Why do you think this custody issue has turned into war?"
Nick pursed his lips then nodded in agreement. "Okay," he conceded. "I understand, but what I don't understand are Grissom's actions; especially if he knew about the abuse. I mean, if that had happened today he'd be all over it."
"Not necessarily," I disagreed. "There was a case Sara was working on with an abusive marriage and Grissom kept telling her to keep herself in check. Sometimes I wonder if he's capable of human emotion and then other times he surprises me. He's like a goddamn lucky dip, but you never know when you're going to get lucky."
"Yeah, but in that case the wife was already dead Cath."
"Which wouldn't have happened if somebody had intervened before she became a corpse," I reasoned. "I don't know if anybody intervening for me would've done anything anyway, but . . . just having someone know; knowing I wasn't alone? You know? I think that would've helped." I shrugged a little as though the notion of it would need to be proved first.
"You don't do it now Cath – "
"Do what?" I asked, cutting him off.
"You share, but you're guarded – not that I don't get it." He held up both hands in defense as I frowned and was about to argue. "I'm just saying you're tough. You don't take any crap from anybody – including Grissom – and you're sharp, you're quick on your feet and your wit could kill."
I laughed and laid a hand on his arm. "Thank you for the credit Nicky." It was one way to make me smile; and I meant it.
"Nick, you're off duty. Catherine what're still doing here? Home." Grissom was standing in the break room door way with a jar of what I'm just going to assume were roaches.
"Hey!" I said indignantly. "Why do I have to go home? I didn't start the fight! I – "
"I know, but you might want to get that seen to." He pointed at my wrist with his pen.
"It's just a bruise!" I scowled. "I can still – "
"And it could've been worse. It needs ice. Now. Don't make me lock you in the break room."
Wide eyed my jaw fell open and I stared at him for a few seconds, trying to work out whether he was serious or not because I knew he'd do it if he had to.
"Er why don't I take Catherine home and then Warrick can just drop her SUV and he can take a cab?" Nick intervened, trying to keep the peace.
"Yeah, good idea. Catherine. Home. Now. That's an order." I stuck my tongue out at him as he closed the door and hurried off.
"So, you wanna grab your things and meet me out front?" Nick asked as he stood up.
"Hey um, do you think we could maybe go for a drink or something? I just need to breathe, which is hard to do with a 3 year old, and I'm not ready to face my mother either." I cricked my neck to the side while sighing.
"Yeah, sure, but why don't we go to my place instead? It'll be quiet and probably easier to unwind – I also have alcohol," he added and then grinned at me.
"Ice?" I asked teasingly.
"Got that too!"
I felt his hand against my lower back and immediately shuddered at the warmth of being so close to him. I couldn't figure out whether it was comfort, attraction or both but we'd find out.
