Chapter Six:
We board the bullet train, Sesshoumaru is weighed down with parcels that he keeps refusing my help with. After loading everything into the bins he keeps looking at me, like he's checking to see if I'm ok, like I'll combust.
"Why do you keep looking at me? Is there something on my face?" I think I see the smallest hint of a blush fall across his cheeks.
"There's nothing on your face" He mumbles, settling into his seat next to me.
I call Souta and tell him we're on our way and have far too many things for them. Souta does nothing but laugh and it's such a welcome sound. I can feel my shoulders fall as I let a breath out.
"I'm excited for you to meet him sis" He's giddy and he's not even trying to hide it.
"I'm excited to meet him too."
I do my best to keep occupied, I even try to read, but I can't focus.
Every sound pulls me back to where I am and I keep thinking about my dream.
I try to sleep, closing my eyes and ignoring everything. I count my shallow breaths.
One...two...three…
The what ifs start to flood in. Like a broken dam they begin with a trickle. I close my eyes tighter and continue to count, fiddling with the edge of my shirt, keeping myself grounded.
Nine...ten...eleven...twelve…
Having a baby shouldn't be this difficult, people do it all the time. The human race depends on it.
But that's just it, the human race. When one of us isn't human what's going wrong?
Hybrids exist in nature, hanyous are very much still a thing.
Aleks and Dimitri exist and they are both very much half demons. So what's the difference? Is it because I'm a priestess? Is it my powers? Is it impossible for me to bear a half demon child?
Am I the only problem?
A gentle hand touches my shoulder, I must have worried myself to sleep.
I call Souta once more and tell him where he can get us.
"Wow, you weren't kidding when you said you have way too much stuff." He helps Sesshoumaru load our suitcases and parcels into the trunk.
"I didn't know what you needed and what you already had." Sesshoumaru states, settling into the back seat.
"I know you said no gifts but he insisted" I cut Souta off before he can even say anything. All he does is smile.
We drive, in a very comfortable silence, I miss Souta.
"Let's go in first, we can get you settled and grab the rest when he's down for a nap." I'm so nervous, I can feel my palms sweating when Sesshoumaru holds my hand.
Souta calls out to Ayumi when we enter and she emerges holding the smallest little bundle swaddled perfectly in a yellow blanket.
"I'd like you to meet your nephew, Daisuke." My heart pounds. He's so small, he looks so fragile. His big black eyes looking around the room, scanning everything, trying to make sense of it all. His shock of hair seems so out of place.
I freeze up, this little guy is my absolute flesh and blood. He has Ayumi's eyes but he definitely has Souta's nose.
"Here, hold him." my hands fly up cradling this tiny thing. He wriggles around while cocooned, no doubt trying to figure out where he's going.
He continues to wriggle trying to get comfortable before settling in. His big eyes lock onto mine and we just stare at each other for a moment.
"Hello Daisuke, my name is Kagome. I'm your aunt"
I'm in love, his tiny mouth opening and closing, his perfect little hand reaching out for me. I feel myself tear up.
"He's so beautiful…" Is all I can whisper.
Sesshoumaru is standing close to me, his hair swishing against my arm.
"Here, hold your nephew." I place Daisuke into his arms and see him melt. His face softens, his eyes close for a moment and when he opens them they quiver.
I'm roused by a soft snore, Ayumi has dozed off in the arm chair across from us. Her head rests on her hand, mouth open.
I motion towards her and Souta stands. Sesshoumaru holds Daisuke protectively as Souta and I retrieve the gifts from the car.
"He's really small…" Souta smirks, I can see his dark circles in the setting sun. I lean on the trunk of the car, soaking up the sun before it dips behind the buildings.
"He cries a lot… The doctors say it's pretty normal...Ayumi deals with most of it since I have to work…" His voice trails and I know how guilty he feels about not being able to stay home.
"I hope he grows out of the fussy stage soon." I'm trying to sound reassuring.
"Me too, he's only three months old so only time will tell. Apparently a lot of babies reverse cycle too" He stands next to me, eyes to the sky.
"I read about that, where they sleep all day and they're up all night" I kept my promise to Sesshomaru and I read almost every parenting book he could get his hands on.
"I hope we skip that. I'm tired enough as it is." He gives a laugh but I can see it on his face.
We go back inside and Sesshoumaru is still holding the baby.
"I never thought you would be a natural." Souta remarks, honestly neither did I. Watching him care for this tiny little being so gently.
My chest feels tight with emotion and I excuse myself to help Ayumi in the kitchen.
We stayed with Souta for a few days and it feels so empty coming home.
We're lying in bed after having sex and I feel no different. I can just make out his face in the darkness.
"What if it's me…" just barely a whisper his brow furrows.
"It's not you" He kisses my forehead and I'm supposed to feel reassured.
"What if it's because I'm a priestess. I'm supposed to protect villagers from demons, not copulate with them"
"It's not you" He says this with a certainty that should be reserved for absolute answers.
"But if we were normal I would be pregnant by now…" We would have gone to a specialist, gotten tested, we would have done something.
"Sometimes it takes longer for people to get pregnant." I hate how he sounds so calm and sure.
"But it isn't your body that's failing you, it's mine," my words are biting, I can hear him exhale sharply. He's frustrated but it isn't with me.
"What should we do? A normal couple would look into treatments, do we go to doctors? Do we look into fertility treatments? What do we do?" I guess we could go to the doctor. I'm the one who needs treatment, not him.
He's quiet. I can hear nothing but him breathing.
"I remember… hundreds of years ago, there was a priestess who fell in love with a demon…" He sounds hopeful, like it could be an answer I am actually looking for.
"I've been looking for her folk tale, but I can't find it...It's like she's disappeared from the world." He sounds so frustrated. I touch his face, no longer wanting to rile him up with my cruel words.
"I can help you look, we probably have a database at work…" He rubs his face, letting out a loud sigh.
"No. I think all the written down tales have been burned or destroyed. Demons are petty and priestesses are supposed to be pure, both parties probably agreed to never speak of what happened. Our only hope is to find someone who lived at the same time as the priestess and the demon…" I can hear the annoyance in his voice.
"You're old…" He snorts, cutting me off.
"I'm not that old...Unfortunately, we have to go and see my mother…"
Oh boy.
I'm tired. I'm always tired, and work is still a disaster.
But it's only gotten worse, not better. One of our department heads was pulled out of the office to identify artifacts of an ancient tomb. Hina and I have been splitting up the work he usually does, but between that and carrying our own workload, we could have brought a third person and still had work to spare.
"I'm almost done." Hina crosses her arms, tapping her foot impatiently. She shakes her head with a giggle before giving me an ultimatum.
"You have five more minutes" I know she's serious even though she's smiling.
"Almost done! I promise!" I hurry my spreadsheets, making notes so I remember to double check them when I'm back in the office and not being rushed.
"One…two...two and a half...three..." I type away furiously, holding my breath.
"One second! One second! Hold on!" Hina smirks, packing her things, throwing her papers into her purse haphazardly.
"Don't leave without me! Hold on!" I'm frantically shutting my computer down, chucking everything into my backpack, cursing the disorganization I will have to deal with later.
She links her arm with mine as we walk out of the building.
"Let's go eat, I'm starving!"
She suggests we go to a manga cafe so we can close ourselves off from the world for a few hours and chat. I want nothing more than to eat dessert and drink fancy cocktails.
"Ok, tell me what's up, you never agree to go out with me on Friday nights" Hina levels me with her eyes, grabbing a sip from her drink. I pick at my ice cream, no longer interested in the sugar coma it will cause.
"Your Friday nights usually consist of dancing and heels." She rolls her eyes before retorting. I sip at my fancy cocktail, relishing in it. This always brings me back to Vegas.
"Not always, sometimes they involve gifts!" Hina reaches into her bag, pulling out a very old looking book. I place my drink on the table and take it from her hands.
"Don't look so perplexed! I'm allowed to buy my friend things" She's smiling, she's a little giddy even.
I turn the book over to get a good look at the cover. It's old and well worn, its cover was once a vibrant shade of indigo, but now the colour lies dull and stained.
"Tales from the Western Lands?" I read aloud. This couldn't be...
"A few weeks ago, I noticed you were researching folktales on demons. This is a collection of folktales from Fukushima, they were collected by a family just after the Sengoku Jidai. We used to read these in grade school." My mind races, my hands shake as I crack open the book, flipping to the table of contents, reading the list of short stories.
"These...these are all about a dog demon…" My eyes widen and I have to hold my breath to stop my voice from shaking.
"Yeah, apparently this dog demon used to protect a little village near his palace…" She looks embarrassed, her cheeks flush as her voice trails for a moment, "But these are just folktales, Fukushima has always been a suspicious place, they-" she tries to finish but I cut her off.
"Hina...This is such a beautiful gift…" My eyes well up as I continue to flip through the pages.
The Demon in the Village, The Kitsune and the Princess, The girl who loved the Great Lord…
"Kagome, why are you crying?" My head snaps up in her direction, I didn't notice I had let the tears start to fall.I wipe at my eyes gracelessly, the back of my hands slick with snot.
Should I tell Hina about what Sesshoumaru actually is? I want her to know how much this gift means to me...
I need someone who knows, I need someone to know. I'm going to sound like a crazy person if I tell her...
This one time fifteen years ago I fell down a well and my whole life changed. I fell for a half demon and ended up with a whole one, funny how life works huh?
"Hina...I-I...Sessh…" I take a deep breath, composing myself.
I can't tell her. She's looking at me too deeply, she reminds me so much of Sango. My eyes well up once more but I fight off the tears, taking a deep breath as they sting my nose.
"My mom...Used to tell me these stories...When I was a child…"
I don't want to lie to Hina. I don't want to lie to anyone, I'm so tired of trying to keep all of the bullshit straight.
She orders a few more drinks and I've realized I haven't eaten yet today after not touching my ice cream.
"What are you not telling me Kagome? Are you alright?" Her question catches me off guard. I'm staring at the melted treat in my hands.
"I'm fine, everything's fine...why do you ask?" My mouth word vomits before I can even think.
She reaches out and touches my hand.
"Please tell me Kagome...Is it Sesshoumaru?" It's her eyes, she has the same eyes as Sango. I begin to cry, I can't lie anymore.
I tell her everything. I cry and talk and cry some more and she sits across from me, holding my hand and letting me continue.
"Kagome...I'm so sorry" She wraps me up and hugs me close and I feel a weight lift from my shoulders. I feel my chest loosen and my whole body just fall.
"I'm not crazy I promise…" I give a bit of a laugh, wiping my eyes with the back of my hands once more. She touches my face, forcing me to hold her gaze.
"You know, my mom used to tell me about demons and shrine maidens when I was younger and I never believed her…" Hina gives a small laugh and I feel myself flush.
"I believe you...I'm here for you...through it all I promise okay?"
End of Chapter Six
