Chapter 2: Empty

a/n: This chapter took me a long time to write because of crippling depression but nevertheless I persisted. I hope you all enjoy it.

6:30 am

The alarm on Sam's phone began blaring, startling him from a dream, his body screaming in protest against the early hour. He had not slept much the previous night, only in short thirty minute intervals, his anxiety necessitating regular checks on his brother. So like clockwork he made hourly rounds, stopping and listening outside Dean's door before quietly shuffling away.

Just behind door number eleven, Dean lay awake, eyes fixated on the white ceiling. His mind was racing though more than a decade of memories made with his deceased best friend. Their late night movie "parties" held in secret when Sam was sleeping. Like the time that they watched Tombstone and Dean had to explain at length what "I'm your huckleberry" meant…

Bunker, Room 11, 2014, evening:

Cas sat on Dean's bed, lazily reclined against the headboard, next to the Winchester brother. An old box TV set rested on a cart at the foot of the bed, the screen paused on the opening frame of Tombstone.

"Ok now, Cas," Dean looked towards his friend, eyes shimmering with joy, "this is one of the best movies ever created."

The angel rolled his eyes, "Dean, you say that about every movie we watch together. I'm starting to think that you don't understand the sentiment behind the phrase."

A familiar annoyance clawed at Dean. My god, I may strangle him. "Look I'm just saying that it's one of my all-time favorites."

"Well then why don't you just say that?"

I will literally murder you right here right now; his thoughts in total contrast to how he actually felt, "Just watch the movie, man."

Cas, in all his celestial douchery, put on his best bitch face and faced the TV set. Without taking his eyes off the screen he said, "Well are you going to play it?"

Moments when Cas would throw an attitude back at Dean always caused a noticeable jolt of glee within the Winchester. They sat in a comfortable quiet, Dean occasionally shifting his attention to Cas to see the angel's reaction to different scenes.

"I'm your huckleberry? Huckleberries are fruit, Dean. What does fruit have to do with this?"

He turned to face Castiel, placing a hand on his shoulder, the other lifted to quiet him, he leveled his gaze. "First of all, it's not 'I'm your huckleberry.' It's 'I'm your huckleberry.' And it's not about fruit, it means 'I'm the guy who is going to put you in the grave.'"

"That is an odd expression."

Dean paused and considered it for a moment, chuckling lightly, "Ha, well, I think I saw somewhere that it had to do with casket handles."

"Casket handles are made of fruit?"

"No no no no no." Dean rolled his head along with his eyes. Cas could be so stupid sometimes, it was adorable. Dean stiffened at the thought in surprise, and his demeanor changed, "It comes from a huckle bearer. Like a person who carries a casket in a funeral. Listen if you have more questions ask Sam I'm sure he'll be able to tell you a full backstory on it."

Castiel eyed him suspiciously, but eventually gave a nod of acceptance.

Present:

A tear slid down Dean's face. He banged his head against his pillow. Another memory coming to the forefront of his mind.

Motel room, day 1, 2013:

Cas, you still here, man? …. I don't even know if you can hear me here. I don't know how all this works. If you're still alive, keep fighting. I need you to keep fighting over there….for...f-for me.

New motel room, day 15, 2013:

Cas? Castiel? I swear I thought I saw you today on the road. I know that was you a-a-and then again tonight...in the window...I miss you. If you're back please come to us. We will sort this out together like always...

I thought my heart might have stopped for a minute seeing you. Maybe it did, or maybe I'm going crazy but...I dunno...I'm so sorry. I failed you. I left you there. I should have never left you alone there... Everything feels harder without you…. I miss you….I hope you're still with us. Keep fighting. Just, please, keep fighting.

Present:

Dean's tears swelled into soft ragged breaths. He needed Cas like he needed air. Every cell screamed to have that angel bust open his door and say, "Hello, Dean." The longing that he felt was more than any craving or desire. It felt like a piece of him was torn away and irrevocably destroyed leaving behind a festering wound.

Then the sobs gave way to a rapid breath that Dean couldn't catch. His heart raced. His muscles clenched tighter with each exhale. His abdomen tightened to the point of forcing him to double over. His hands went numb. He thought he might throw up; instead the sobs that were escaping him grew louder. Pain and sorrow radiated from his shoulders and biceps. Dean tried to hold his breath to stop the panic attack but it was of no use.

"God….I just want him back...I need him. I can't do this without him." It was a whisper that Dean never meant to breathe out. But once it was out, his tears fell even more easily than before. After several moments, he sat up and the room spun and his head pounded. He grabbed headphones, lowered the volume such that it was just barely audible, and pressed play on whatever was loaded into the walkman. He reached out and shut off the lamp, and then promptly curled up under the covers. Sleep would not come.

Sam saw the light click off under the door as he approached for his 7:30 am round. He wondered if this was a sign that Dean would wake up. The last several weeks, Sam would be on a run at this time, but after last night, it seemed wrong to leave Dean's side. Eileen would be by shortly with a few groceries, namely, apple hand pies, enough bacon to feed a family of 12 for three weeks, and coffee. Dean's essentials.

Sam checked their beer reserves and while there was still some left, it was unlikely to be enough for Dean. He felt a bit of sadness as he looked at the depleted stock and knew that soon Dean would have to get real help for his drinking, but now didn't feel right. Dean lost his person. You don't come back from that. At least not after 4 weeks. Had it really been a month, he thought to himself and then immediately felt guilty for not being present for his brother again.

Hey, I just pulled into the garage

Read 7:40 am

I'll come help with the bags.

Ok thanks.

Read 7:41 am

As Sam and Eileen put away groceries, they began to talk. "Eileen, it's bad. He's nearly catatonic. And the drinking. It is worse than I've ever seen before."

"He's lost Cas before, hasn't he? What was he like then?"

"He was a mess. The last time things went south, he lost faith in everything. He became reckless. He had a death wish and he'd acted on it. But this seems different, like it is more than before." Sam pinched the bridge of his nose.

Fearing the worst, Eileen whispered, "Oh my god…"

"What went down between the two of them… leveled him." Anguish filled Sam's face, and Eileen brought her hand to Sam's cheek. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of her perfume and leaned into her touch.

"What happened. Tell me. I want to be able to help."

"Cas, he... made a deal with the Empty about a year ago...to take Jack's place. Except the Empty, it didn't want him then. Instead it wanted him when he was happiest. When Cas had long forgotten about their deal. But Billie was gunning for them, and Cas remembered. So for him to summon the Empty he-"

"Had to be happiest that he could be."

"Exactly. He told Dean that he loved him. And then shoved him out of the way. The Empty took Billie and Cas, and that was it. You know the rest."

"And Dean?"

"Never had the chance to tell him."

"Cas knew, though. Everybody knew. Hell, demons joked about."

"I don't think Dean really knew until-"

"It was too late."

"Yeah...I want to check on him. Mind putting coffee on while I make the bacon?"

Walking down to Dean's room with a tray of food felt odd and formal for Sam. Normally Dean would be out of bed and in the kitchen ready for toast by now. His footsteps slowed as he approached the door. He hadn't thought this through, and wished Eileen had come with to open the door. Setting the tray on the ground, Sam heard a very quiet sob followed quickly by a cough and sniffle emanate from his brother's room.

"Sammy?" Dean said in a hoarse quiet voice.

Sam cracked the door but stayed out of sight. "Uh, yeah, I, um, brought you breakfast if you're hungry. Coffee, toast, bacon."

"Yeah, bring it in."

He could see the misery on Dean's face. Bloodshot red eyes contrasting his green. Sallow cheeks and downturned mouth. He approached the bed and set the tray down next to him and sat at the foot of the bed. "Dean-"

"Sam...I can't," Dean raised his hand in protest.

"No Dean, you've got to talk about this. I'm not leaving until you do."

Dean leveled a look at Sam that expressed a beg, Please don't do this to me, and anger, I hate you for doing this to me.

"What do you want me to say, Sam? That I miss him. I miss a lot of people. We've lost so many people, but Cas? Cas is different so I don't want to go there." Dean stared defiantly into Sam's eyes, but when Sam didn't react, the words began to pour out of him. "Do you want me to tell you that it hurts? It hurts. Just breathing hurts. Sitting here knowing he is never coming back hurts! And I did this to him. I insisted on going after Billie. I'm the reason he's gone, Sam. His blood is on my hands. And all I want to do is look at him and tell him I love you, you stupid son of a bitch and I can't do that. I'm never going to be able to do that. He is gone. And all I have left is a giant fucking hole where he used to be."

Sam continued to listen quietly, afraid to interrupt this new found communication between him and Dean. He had never seen Dean as fragile as he was in that moment, trying so hard to keep it together. To keep talking.

"We've done this... Hell, I've done this more times than anybody should. And every time he's gone it has gotten harder…" Dean sighed and leveled a look at Sam, then just barely above a whisper he continued, "I can't do this again. It's too big, Sam. It's too big." Dean looked away, new tears brimmed in his eyes, and a scowl adored his face. He let out a sigh and pressed his hands to his eyes, wiping away the tears.

There was nothing Sam could say, so instead he sat in silence with Dean. A few tears began to form in his eyes. He missed his friend, but mostly he missed Cas for the person that Dean was when Castiel was around. Dean was more thoughtful, hopeful, and stable, and Sam wanted that for his brother.

Their silence was broken by a knock on the door, and a soft "Sam?"

"Eileen?" Dean's brow furrowed in confusion, and then like the flip of a coin, his entire demeanor changed, masking the sorrow it previously adorned. "Sam, why didn't you say something? Hey, Eileen...haha…come on in! Long time no see!"

"Hi Dean." She sidestepped and stood close to the door. The room was filthy, beer bottles and clothes strewn about. "Did you like your breakfast?" She pointed to the untouched tray, perhaps the gentle reminder of its presence would be enough to get him to eat.

Dean instantly grabbed a piece of bacon and took the mug in his hands. Wouldn't want to offend the first chick that Sam's picked that is actually a keeper. Sheepishly with a mouthful of bacon, "oh yeah…" slurp of coffee, "it's great! Really thanks, Eileen!" He cleared his throat and continued, "So…ah...Eileen, how you've been?"

"I'm ok. Sam?" She paused for Sam to face her, "I got the kitchen cleaned up but I think there is a leak. Not big, but you should fix it."

"Where?" Sam signed.

"Come with me, moron." She signed back.

"Ok."

Dean watched utterly bewildered by the motions. Maybe the leak was in the back of the trap where the pipes joined the wall? Or at least that was his best guess based on their silent communications.

Turning towards Dean, Sam said, "I'm gonna go get my tools and I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything."

Catching up with Eileen, Sam placed a hand on her shoulder and began signing when he had her attention, "What was that?"

"I have an idea. Cas can summon the Empty here. Why not us? Can't we bring him back?"

The beauty of signing was that Dean didn't know it and couldn't hear their conversation, but Sam's ASL was still pretty rusty and it took time; nevertheless he persisted. What Eileen was proposing wasn't possible no matter how much he wished it was. "People can't summon the Empty. Dead angels, dead demons, go to the Empty."

"OK…" After several beats she continued, "Idea! Find a demon. Give them a message for Cas. Send the demon to the Empty."

"Only problem, a demon helping us is practically impossible. They hate us."

"What about Roweena?"

"I guess we are going to have to make a-"

Sam stopped abruptly when he heard the sound of Dean approaching the kitchen. He held a finger to his mouth to tell Eileen not to speak. He wiped around to the sink and opened cabinets beneath it using his phone as a flashlight to see the pipes.

"Sam, do you want some help?" Dean asked. He looked around the room and noticed that only one tool bag was present: his brother. "Where's the leak?"

"Umm. It's already fixed."

"Sam, you were in here for all of five minutes and you have no tools." He paused, then his eyes grew wide at the realization, nodding, "You know if you wanted alone time you could have just said so. You don't have to check on me, Sam, I'm a big boy, got a driver's license and all."

Sam just looked blankly at Dean. If he and Eileen were going to do this they'd have to be more stealthy about it. He couldn't risk dangling getting Cas back in front of Dean if it wasn't a sure thing.

"Anyways," Dean continued, "if the leak is fixed, then I'm guessing I can take a shower?" Sam nodded in reply.

While Dean showered, Team Get Cas Back was hard at work in the library pulling on not just their usual lore books, but also the ones inherited from Roweena. If there was a chance of making this work, she'd have it. Getting to hell wouldn't be simple like before; there were no angels to provide any grace. So while Eileen searched the lore books, Sam searched for signs of demon deals. If they were getting to hell, then they'd need help from below.

He peered above the laptop screen at her every so often. She was so beautiful, serene in her search, almost graceful. She began to lift her head, and immediately Sam looked hard at his laptop, avoiding her gaze. His brow furrowed, three "wolf" attacks on successful businessmen along a highway corridor. The whole story wreaked of demon deals.

"Hey, I think I've got something."

"Got what?" Except it wasn't Eileen's voice, instead it was Dean's. Sam jumped.

"I found a case. I think Eileen and I can handle it. Looks like a string of demon deals getting called, but it's creating a lot of chaos in the town. Shouldn't be too bad, we've fought worse." They certainly had. Dean began to open his mouth in protest but was immediately silenced by Eileen.

"Yeah, Dean. Actually, I've been meaning to ask you: my car, I think it needs a ball joint replaced. I ran over a vamp head by accident after a hunt, and now there is a rattle whenever I drive it. Do you guys have the right stuff in the garage here? Otherwise, I will take it to the shop nearby."

"Uh...I can check. I mean I guess I can do it for you." Dean narrowed his eyes. Something fishy was going on, but he wasn't sure what it was. "Did you order the part already?"

"Yeah, it's in the trunk," Eileen smiled sweetly, "You don't have to do it. I know how, I just don't have the press and I don't want to keep driving on it."

"No, it's fine. I'll take care of it." Dean smirked. Then he turned his focus on Sam, his tone completely changed, "I'm guessing you want Baby then?"

"It's either that or one of the other cars in the garage."

"If you bring her back with a single scratch so help me god." Dean fished in his pockets for the keys.

"Not a single scratch, you got it. I'm gonna go pack a bag quick." Sam practically ran out of the library and away from a suspicious Dean. He had no idea what he would have to barter to get down there to talk to Roweena but it didn't matter. They had to try for Dean.

"What about you? No bag needed?" Dean asked.

"I keep one in my car. You never know when you might need to go take care of a monster. Come with me, I'll show you what's going on." With that, Dean and Eileen left for the garage with only one thing on their minds: Castiel.

A/N: The next chapter is already mapped out so hopefully it doesn't take that long to come out.