One week, that's how long Dorcas had been dead. Remus felt like he was sleepwalking through the days, never closing his eyes for more than a few hours, simply going through the motions without Dorcas by his side. He hadn't been to their flat since her death, Alice making daily visits to get him clothes and essentials.

Telling her family had been the hardest bit. Remus had shown up, early Sunday morning, and sat down her parents to inform them that their daughter was dead. He'd hardly been able to get the words out. He'd nearly broken when her mother had collapsed into her father's arms in despair. Even worse had been when Dorcas' youngest siblings, Bingham and Beatrice, still living at home, had crept into the room to find the source of tears.

Now, seven days later, they were all gathered in the same cemetery, at the same funeral, watching as an officiator who'd never known Dorcas personally gave a service in her honour. Remus could just barely stomach it. He sat a row behind Dorcas' family, Alice by his side for support. He could hear her little sister snuffling to herself, Vera – Dorcas' mother – running her hand along her daughter's back to help comfort her.

Remus felt like he was in a dream, or living a life that belonged to someone else. This was not his world. He could not imagine a future where Dorcas did not exist, a world where she was not beside him every morning when he woke up. Who would help him through his transformations? Who would ever love someone like him the way she did?

"Remus," Alice's voice rang through. "Are you ready?" He looked up, realizing the ceremony had come to a close, and watched as slowly, Dorcas' coffin was lowered into the ground. Her family stood up first, each dropping a handful of dirt onto the coffin, and then it was Remus' turn.

He stood up slowly, his knees wobbling, and took the five steps to the grave, taking his handful of dirt and sprinkling it upon Dorcas' final resting place. He still couldn't quite believe she was in there. He thought he'd turn around and find her smiling, or open the door to their apartment and realize there'd been an awful mistake; she had been waiting there for him all this time.

The reception was being held at the Meadowes' home, food and drinks to be served to all the guests. Remus didn't think he could go. He didn't think he could bear to watch her family in pain any longer, or to be reminded of the promise he had made to her father to protect her, no matter what. He had failed them both.

"We could go get some lunch?" Alice suggested. Their group had gathered off to the side, Alice, Frank, Peter, Emmeline, and Mary. Kingsley was off with a group of Aurors, all planning to attend the reception.

"I think I'll take a walk," Remus told them, wanting to be alone.

"Are you sure? You haven't eaten all day…" Frank placed a hand upon his wife's shoulder, to hold her back.

"We'll go to the reception," he spoke for the group, "and then we'll head home. You're more than welcome to stay with us again tonight."

"Thanks," Remus nodded, mustering the slightest of smiles.

He had intended to take a walk. He'd thought he might follow a path along the river that he'd seen on his way into the cemetery. Somehow, despite his plan, that wasn't where he ended up. Instead, he landed outside of Hogwarts' front gate. He wasn't certain what had drawn him back to the castle, which he had not set a foot inside of since his final day at school, but it was the only place he could think of to find comfort.

It all looked the same, smoke billowing from Hagrid's hut, the grounds crunchy with a February frost. It was a Friday afternoon and all the students were in their classes, as Remus would have been three years ago, no one thinking about the brave witch that had been laid to rest less than an hour ago.

Remus' feet knew where to go before he did. He ended up in the corridor, just outside the Hospital Wing, standing in the same spot where it had all begun. The same spot they had shared their first kiss. He hadn't known back then what it would mean… he hadn't realized how important Dorcas was to become in his life.

"They're all gone," Dorcas sobbed into his chest. These weren't just Aurors. They were Dorcas' friends. People she'd spent her days with, laughed with, gone on stakeouts all night with. Now they were just gone and she was left to feel guilty for it.

"Hey," Remus comforted her, "look at me." Slowly Dorcas raised her head, her doe eyes reaching him. "You and Kingsley getting out of there alive was the best thing that could have happened." He was holding her face in his hands. "Because now you're going to make them pay for what they did."

She stared at him, her cheeks marked with mascara from all the crying. Despite all the sadness and remorse, Remus couldn't help but think that she was beautiful. He hated that he did. He felt guilty. His girlfriend was asleep beside his empty cot in the Great Hall and here he was upstairs, admiring another woman.

Remus could feel his palms growing sweaty as he became more and more nervous. It felt like every second that passed Dorcas' face grew closer to his and then, suddenly, her lips were touching his. They kissed. It was slow and wet. Remus could hear his heavy breaths as their lips moved in unison. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close. He allowed himself to inhale deeply the smell of her perfume, a mix of some kind of flower. Then they pulled apart.

"I'm so sorry," Dorcas apologized, looking just as shocked by her actions as Remus was by his. "That was wrong…fucking hell." She stepped backwards, running her hands through her hair. "I'm not myself tonight."

"I know," Remus nodded, his head bowed guiltily. He was the one who should have pulled away. So why hadn't he?

"You have a girlfriend," she reminded him.

"I know." He squeezed his eyes shut, filled with guilt.

"I'm four years older than you."

"It's just a weird night," Remus told her, reassuring both of them. "Everyone's running on high emotions, no one is themselves."

Dorcas nodded, calming down the slightest. "Okay," she agreed. "You're right."

"It was a one-time thing," Remus promised her. "We never have to talk about it again." She met his glance, swallowing heavily. Remus wondered if she was thinking what he was – he didn't want to forget.

"Lupin?" Remus didn't remember sitting down but there he was, leaning against the wall, knees drawn to his chest. When he looked up at Professor McGonagall, who had discovered him in the hallway, his eyes were filled with tears.

"She's gone," he croaked. "I'm never going to see her again…"

"Come on," she said, sticking her hand out to help him to his feet. "Let's get you cleaned up." Remus pulled himself up, his legs still shaking, and fell into his old professor's arms. McGonagall jerked at the sudden motion, Remus erupting into a fit of sobs.

"It's going to be all right," she said, giving him a slight pat on the back. "But for now, maybe we'll find you something a little stronger than tea."


Marlene felt like she was floating. Her vision seemed to move in and out of focus, never quite holding on to any one thing. She gazed from Dorcas' body, coiled on the ground; her limbs sprawled out every which way. Then she blinked and there was Voldemort, cloaked, gliding towards her. He held her chin in his hand, long fingernails digging into her face.

Marlene felt delirious as she stared into his crimson eyes, the colour of blood, the blood of all those whose lives he'd stolen, perhaps. "You're a little fool," he told her, "just like your friend." Marlene wanted to say something smart, something Dorcas would have been proud of, but she didn't have the strength left.

"My Lord!" A panicked voice came from the other end of the room. Suddenly Marlene's face was released and Voldemort disappeared. She waited for the deadly blow to come, to hit her square in the chest the way it had Dorcas, but it never did. Marlene closed her eyes and waited. The Death Eater holding her pulled her hair back.

"We'll send you back to your boyfriend nice and pretty, just the way we found ya," he promised, his hands moving along her body freely. Marlene might have fought back in other circumstances. He pushed her to the floor and she closed her eyes, certain the end was near.

"LET'S GO!" Someone screamed. Marlene's head was dizzy from hitting the ground. "NOW!"

She opened her eyes and saw Dorcas, lying there on the floor. The Death Eater that had been above her moments ago was gone, along with his friend. Part of her wanted to drag her weak body across the floor to Dorcas and force her awake. Maybe it hadn't been a killing curse at all, maybe Marlene had just convinced herself…

Marlene heard footsteps and knew this might be her only chance. With hands still bound, she worked her way towards the nearest wall and shimmied her way back up. She ran, barely lucid, as fast as she could, wherever she could, desperate to find an exit and scream out for rescue.

She couldn't give up, not when Sirius was waiting, not when James still needed her. She couldn't give up, not now, not when Dorcas needed her more than ever to keep going, to keep fighting. Marlene ran like a madwoman until she wound up in an old hallway, lined with peeling wallpaper and just barely lit. She tripped over loose carpet and hit the floor hard once more.

What was the point in running anyway? Her hands were tied, she hadn't any clue where her wand had gone and Dorcas, the one person who might have been able to get her out alive, was dead. I'm done fighting, Marlene thought. I'm tired. She pressed her cheek into the tweed carpet and closed her eyes, waiting for her captors to discover her lying there and put an end to it all.

"Come on, darling," a familiar voice encouraged. "Just hold on a little while longer."

"This isn't the end for you, Marlene." She wanted to feel Alec lift her up off the ground and carry her from this godforsaken building. The Potters would have known what to do, they would have never let her get into this mess. If they'd had their way, none of them would have joined the Order of the Phoenix, perhaps it would have been better that way.

"Marlene? Marlene, can you hear me?" Two hands took her by the side of the face and lifted up her head. "She's breathing!" someone whispered urgently.

"Marlene, can you stand?"

"Yes," she found the strength to answer through all her pain. "Yes…"

"I've got you." It was Hestia, shorter and no stronger than Marlene, who put all her weight into pulling Marlene up off the floor, Peter coming around to help...

She wasn't in that hallway anymore. She was supposed to be at Dorcas' funeral but she'd decided against it, too scared to face Remus' wrath. She'd know Sirius would try and change her mind so she'd woken up early, gathered all she needed for the day and fled.

"Do you have someone coming to join you, lass?" the bartender asked, coming around to Marlene's table with a tray of empty glasses balanced in his hand.

"Will it be a problem if I don't?" She was in no mood for a sexist bartender this afternoon. If he didn't like the look of a lady drinking alone she'd tell him where to stick it.

"No, I just—"

"Another whiskey sour, please?" This would be her third, not counting the pint of beer she'd devoured upon entering. Alcohol was the only thing that made the day easier. It was the only thing that could distract her from the fact that Dorcas was dead and she hadn't had the strength or bravery to stop it. What was the use of all this fighting if they couldn't even protect each other?

The bartender returned and slid Marlene's drink silently across the table, not daring to start up another conversation. She'd picked a pub far from London, one Sirius would never think to search for her in. Besides, pubs were his thing, not hers, she doubted he'd consider looking at them in the first place.

What was she supposed to do? Recover from her injuries, get over her grief and jump back on the horse? Dorcas had been one of the finest Aurors to ever grace the department and she was dead, murdered before Marlene's very eyes. What was the point of any of it? How could she keep fighting now, knowing that their chances of victory grew slimmer by the day?

"Thought I might find you here." Marlene hadn't noticed someone slide into the booth beside her but there James was, his hair slick with sweat. She watched him shove the invisibility cloak under the table for safe keeping, his sudden entrance becoming clearer.

"How'd you guess?"

"I assumed you'd pick a spot far from Sirius' mind." James flagged down the bartender to order himself a drink. "But still somewhere familiar." He ordered himself a beer and then watched as Marlene finished her own drink in nearly two sips. Her head was spinning.

"Another."

"How about you talk to me first."

"Do you remember the first time we ever snuck ourselves into this pub?" Marlene recalled. "We were, what? Maybe fifteen?"

"Something like that."

"Things were easier then. Weren't they?"

"Sirius is worried sick about you, you know."

"I know."

"He's been in a panic all day, apparently you haven't been sleeping."

"Can't sleep." Marlene rested her head on the table, too tired to keep it up any longer. She watched James wear the same anxious expression Caroline would've were she around to see Marlene now.

"It was strange, having Sirius show up on my doorstep in such a panic." James reached forward and stroked Marlene's hair from her face. The repetitive motion was calming, the first time she'd felt calm in days. "Usually it's me worrying about you. At least, it used to be that way."

"Are you jealous?"

"No." The blush rising in his cheeks said otherwise. "Well, maybe a little," he admitted, averting his gaze. "It's different, isn't it? It used to be the two of us, sneaking into the pub up the street when my parents had gone to bed." Marlene raised her head, her vision blurring in and out of focus, and stared across the bar at the little table in the corner they had sat at all those years ago. Before the war, before they'd grown up and gotten married, before Harry…

"That sounds silly, doesn't it?" James scoffed. "I have a wife and a son and I'm jealous of my two best friends for moving on without me…"

"It doesn't sound silly," Marlene promised, pressing her hand into his chest to get James' attention. "Our relationship has never made much sense, not even to me."

"No," he laughed, "I suppose it hasn't."

"Remember that night, Alec's birthday party…the two of us down in the meadow—"

"I thought we promised never to speak of that night again?"

"Cut a drunk girl some slack."

James leaned back into the booth, watching Marlene with a smirk on his lips all the while. "Of course I remember that night. How could I forget?"

Suddenly she was crying, fat, salty, tears rolling down her cheeks. Her lips trembled and her skin had gone blotchy and red. James took her into his arms and her face squished against his chest. She inhaled deeply, the same familiar scent she'd inhaled all her life when she'd needed comfort.

"It's going to be okay," he promised her. "One day it is all going to be okay."


James and Lily had insisted upon Sirius' staying put until Marlene was found. James had left nearly an hour ago, masked by his invisibility cloak, to check some familiar spots for Marlene. Sirius was doing nothing but worrying as he waited, sinking into the Potter's sofa, soda shaking in his hands every time he tried in vain to reach it to his lips.

"She's okay, Sirius," Lily comforted him, entering from the kitchen with a plate of leftovers for Sirius to eat. "She's just blowing off steam."

"You haven't seen her…she hasn't been herself…"

"She went through something terrible."

"I'm going to kill him," Sirius vowed. "I swear to Merlin—"

"Kill who?" Lily set the plate of pasta on the coffee table in front of him, looking up with concern.

"Remus."

"Oh Christ, Sirius, not this again…"

"You should have seen what he did to her…" Sirius clenched his jaw to try and contain the rage bubbling through him at the memory. "He said it should've been her…"

"He didn't mean it." Lily moved towards the alcohol cabinet in the corner, pouring both herself and Sirius a glass. "I'm sure if she saw him again, even now, it'd be a different story. I'm sure he feels horrible…"

"He hasn't been by since, has he?"

"He's grieving Sirius, he gets a free pass—"

"He's always had a free pass." Sirius snapped. "He gets to behave like an ass and everybody just goes along with it because he's sad and—"

"That's enough," Lily silenced him, returning to the couch with two glasses of whiskey. "He gets to be an ass, now more than ever, and if you two are ever to make amends you need to give him that space." Sirius let loose a deep, irritated sigh. "You and Remus going at it won't make things easier for anyone, especially not Marlene."

"If she ever gets back to fucking normal." Sirius rubbed his hands along his face in a desperate attempt to put some more life back into himself. Lily, who was sitting in the armchair across from him, motioned towards the glass she'd poured him.

"That'll help take your mind off things." A few seconds later Harry's crying echoed from the second floor, forcing Lily to leave Sirius to his thoughts once more. He was about ready to explode when the front door opened and shut, Marlene appearing in the living room doorway a few seconds later.

Sirius rose from the couch, facing her, neither moving an inch.

"Found her getting drunk as a skunk in a pub near the old house." Sirius tried not to let it show how much it bothered him James had been the one to find her, not him.

"Makes sense." Marlene was looking at her feet rather than Sirius' face. "Is she still drunk?"

"Sobered up a bit, I think." James wrapped his arm around Marlene's shoulders and drew her in for a kiss on the cheek. "We've decided that she should change into something a bit nicer and go to the wake."

"Really?" Sirius hadn't been expecting that.

"For Dorcas," Marlene said, speaking for the first time. Her blue eyes rose and met Sirius' glance with the same sorrow they'd carried all week. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and soak the pain from her bones. He would've carried the weight of it if he could. Instead, he tucked his hands into his pockets and turned away like a coward, leaving her to find her way upstairs to borrow some of Lily's clothes.

"It was a lucky guess," James finally said, catching onto Sirius' silence as the two men sat back down.

"You're her best friend," Sirius shrugged, "makes sense you'd know where to find her."

"She doesn't want her sadness to rub off on you." Sirius was reaching for his drink now, certain he'd need it to get through the next few hours. "You matter too much."

"Well, we both know I'll never matter as much as James Potter in her eyes, don't we?" Sirius hadn't intended for the comment to sound so bitter – he'd meant to deliver it humorously but it had come out more honestly than that.

"Padfoot…"

"It's been a long day," Sirius sighed. "I'm not myself."

"She loves you," James went on, "that's more important than any history we might have." Sirius wished that could be true. He wished he didn't know, deep down, that the bond between James and Marlene was unbreakable, a bond few were privileged enough to forge with a person, and he would never come close to it.


Dorcas had grown up in a suburban neighbourhood, just outside of Manchester. The house was cosy, a safe oasis, Emmeline presumed, for all that lived there. Until now. When it's rooms were filled with grieving bodies saying their last farewell to a fine witch that had been taken much too soon…

"Anybody else want another sandwich?" Alice asked the table, one of four that had been set up in the living room area. The Longbottoms, Emmeline, Mary and Reg were gathered around, not a cheery face to be found.

"I'll join you," Frank nodded, rising from his seat. Emmeline wondered how many times Dorcas had sat in this very room, how often she had moved through these halls, and never could she have predicted how soon those she loved would be gathering in the same house to say their goodbyes…

"Emmy?" Mary interrupted her thoughts. "Are you okay?"

"Is there a right answer to that question?"

"You're right…it was silly."

"It's okay." Mary watched as Reg's hand slid across the table to come over Mary's. "Everyone's just doing their best." She pressed her forehead into his shoulder affectionately, the two sharing a quick peck on the lips.

"I'm going to the loo," Emmeline announced, standing up and walking in the opposite direction. It was painful having to see her best friend, every day, so overcome with joy. Mary had built a home for her younger brother that she had never had, she'd found a man who loved her unconditionally, and she was to be married soon…she had everything she'd ever wanted while Emmeline felt her entire world fall to pieces.

The Meadowes had a large, fenced in back garden. Most people had been apparating in and out of it, few standing outside in the cold, but Emmeline had a different agenda. She picked one of the nearest lawn chairs and settled down for a cigarette.

It wasn't a habit she was accustomed to but in the past few weeks, it had been the only thing that calmed her nerves. She was half finished the cig when there was a popping noise and Remus appeared in front of her, looking like a mess.

"Where have you been?" Everyone had assumed he'd fled, possibly to Alice and Frank's to escape.

"Does it matter?"

"Guess not." Emmeline was prepared for the conversation to end there but it seemed Remus couldn't face going inside and so, instead, took the lawn chair next to hers, a long silence enduring.

"When did you start that?" he asked, nodding towards the pack of cigarettes in her lap.

"You want one?" She tossed them at Remus. "Seems like you can't function nowadays without something to steady the old nerves."

"My parents hated smoking," Remus told her. "I picked up the habit because of James and Sirius, they always made it look so cool…"

"They're still in Australia, then?"

"I doubt they'll ever come back," Remus nodded. "I haven't even told them…"

"I waited to tell my parents about Gideon." Emmeline exhaled a cloud of smoke. "My mother barely wasted five minutes grieving before she started off on a new subject. Five minutes…" Emmeline mumbled. "That's all he was worth to her." Emmeline expected the conversation might have gone on but they were interrupted by a second pop, Marlene and Sirius appearing now.

No one moved. Emmeline watched, cigarette still dangling between her fingers, as Remus and Marlene shared a heavy glance. Marlene stepped forward first, the frostbitten grass crunching beneath her feet.

"Remus, I—"

"What're you doing here?" Remus didn't bother to hear her out.

"I wanted to pay my respects."

"I want you to leave." There was no room for arguing in his tone. Emmeline looked beside her to find Remus tense, hands clenched at his sides, the colour rising in his face.

"Please, I just wanted to—"

"I don't give a shit about what you want," he stated bluntly.

"Hey," Emmeline scolded him, shocked by the cruelty of his words. "Cool it."

"Are you kidding me?" Remus furrowed his brow. "What? You think I'm going to fall for this innocent act?" He pointed towards Marlene as if she weren't even standing there. "She's been pulling it for years." Remus took a drag off his cigarette. "It's worked perfectly on everyone, hasn't it, Marlene?" Marlene looked horrified. "Worked on Henry, didn't it? And where is he now? The man you swore you loved-"

"Hey!" It was Sirius' turn to step in.

"Let's go," Marlene was begging him. "Please."

"Just because no one else has put the pieces together yet doesn't mean I haven't," Remus warned them, rising from his chair. "Henry, Fabian, Gideon, Dorcas, who's next? Who else is going to get close to you two and then mysteriously die?"

"You're being cruel, Remus," Marlene said, her face crumpling with pain. It was the closest to tears Emmeline had seen her in a while.

"CRUEL?" He laughed mirthlessly. "My girlfriend is dead. Somehow it seems I keep losing things while you two get off scot-free!"

"Go inside, Remus," Emmeline advised him, rising from her chair now as well. "Before you say something you're going to regret." Remus jerked away from her, stepping closer towards Marlene and Sirius.

"Listen to Emmeline, mate," Sirius warned him.

"Why? Because I'm getting closer to the truth? Because I finally see you two for what you really are?"

"Christ, Remus, you sound like a madman!" Emmeline couldn't believe her ears. She couldn't believe that after all, they'd been through this is what they'd come to – friends turned to foes, accusing one another of the unthinkable.

"If you think that's the truth, you're not half the man I thought you were." Sirius stepped in front of Marlene protectively as Remus moved closer.

"Is it that far-fetched to assume the one member of our group with Death Eater blood might be the spy?"

"Accuse me all you like, but Marlene is innocent. You know it."

"You two have never cared about anyone but yourselves."

"You're wrong, mate."

"How did you know to leave Donovan's that night, Marlene? A few seconds and...boom." Remus made the motion with his hands, Marlene flinching. "You would've been dead just like the rest of them. Lucky, wasn't it?"

"I didn't even know we were going to be there that night," Marlene snapped back. "Alice and Dorcas—"

"DON'T SAY HER NAME!" Emmeline didn't think she'd ever heard Remus scream like that. It was unlikely Marlene had either, judging by the terror on her face. "You don't get to say her name."

Emmeline was grateful for the back door sliding open once more, creating some distance between the three of them. Alice and Frank, who had been grabbing food, stepped out of the back door gingerly.

"What's going on out here?" Frank asked, his arm wrapped around his wife.

"Marlene and Sirius were just leaving."

"Remus is accusing Marlene and Sirius of working together to take down the Order," Emmeline answered honestly. "He has been saying terrible things."

"You only think they're terrible because you're as brainwashed as everyone else," Remus hissed at her.

"Oh, Remus..." Alice stepped aside from her husband. "Let's get inside, we'll grab you something to eat." She placed a hand on his shoulder which he shoved aside furiously, surprising everyone.

"I'm not going inside until these two leave."

"They have as much right to be here as everyone else." Emmeline was growing tired of his accusations. She was growing tired of everyone's accusations that did nothing but tear them farther apart. They were falling into the trap Voldemort had set...

"THEY KILLED HER!" Remus was hysterical now. "DON'T YOU SEE? DON'T ANY OF YOU SEE?"

"Remus, please, calm down—" They were all desperate to keep the scene from catching the attention of any of the guests.

"CALM DOWN?" Remus turned on Frank in anguish. "MY GIRLFRIEND IS DEAD!"

"Marlene didn't kill her!" Emmeline didn't know how many more times they could say it.

"THERE IS A SPY! THERE IS A SPY AND THEY'RE STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!"

"I dare you to point that finger at her one more time," Sirius said, growing frustrated.

"Let's all just stop throwing threats around." Frank was trying desperately to cool down the situation. "This isn't the time or the place to do this—"

Kingsley and Hestia stepped outside now, clearly as concerned as everyone else about the commotion taking place.

"ARREST THEM!" Remus shouted at Kingsley. "Arrest them and we can finally have this whole thing put to rest, we can be safe—"

"FOR FUCKS SAKE, REMUS!" Sirius bellowed. "MARLENE IS NOT THE SPY!"

"What the hell is going on here?" Kingsley asked, looking to Frank and Alice for answers. Hestia, who Emmeline had not spoken to since their breakup, gravitated towards her, the two women reunited through a crisis.

"Remus is convinced that Marlene killed Dorcas and that they're the ones who have been selling information—"

"You of all people should see it, Emmeline," Remus told her, "he was supposed to have Gideon's back that night—"

"Don't go there, Remus." It was Hestia who warned him now. "Not unless you want this to get ugly."

"Maybe if you weren't running off on top secret missions every other day you'd be out in the field as well," Sirius taunted him. "Maybe you'd know what it felt like to lose someone despite your best efforts and be blamed for it. Dorcas knew."

That was all it took. Remus went running at Sirius, knocking him right to the ground, the two men rolling around like primary school kids in a spat. It took three people to get them apart, Alice, Frank, and Kingsley all working as one. By that point guests were crowding around the glass door inside, craning to see what was happening.

"You two should go," Kingsley decided, pointing at Marlene and Sirius, "he isn't going to calm down—"

"We will," Marlene agreed, helping Sirius back up to his feet as he wiped his pants clean. "We'll leave." They were gone in seconds, the rest of them left behind to pick up the pieces.

"That's it, then," Kingsley finally determined. "I'm speaking to Moody tomorrow."

"About what?" Emmeline was horrified he was about to agree with Remus.

"This is done, I am done. The Order of the Phoenix isn't working, not like this." No one dared to speak. "I'm going to suggest he disband it."

No one could argue with that. They had seen more than one friend killed on missions, the group was crumbling internally and a spy was sneaking around in their midst. Kingsley was right: the Order had lost its purpose. It was time to accept the fact that they had failed if the war was to be won it would need to be through other means.


Lily had fallen asleep with the TV on. It was something that hadn't happened since her youth when the television in her house had always been on, but such things were not so common now. Except for recently, when he husband barely wanted to talk and her only source of entertainment was a seven-month-old.

James had been grumbling all week about how stir-crazy he was. Their quaint cottage hadn't felt small until they were confined to it. Now it seemed James woke up and went to bed every day grumpy. There wasn't enough space in the house for three people, the baby didn't let him sleep enough, and he was constantly bored. The complaints were endless and it seemed nothing Lily said was of any help.

She woke up, just after ten, to Emmerdale playing on the TV and someone knocking at the front door. She looked through the peephole to spy Alice on the doorstep. She was wearing a red raincoat, hood pulled up to protect her from the evening drizzle.

"Can I come in?" she asked when Lily swung open the door.

The two women settled in the living room, Alice's eyes glued to the TV screen in awe.

"I've seen them before, a few times, but they never cease to amaze me…"

Lily shut the program off. "James hates it." Sometimes she put it on just the bug him, to ensure he wouldn't interrupt her time alone.

"Do you have anything to drink?"

"I can make tea—"

"You'll want something stronger to get through this conversation." The warning made Lily's stomach drop.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"I wish, it might be easier if I were."

"Gin and tonic?"

"Sounds lovely."

Lily busied herself making the drinks, flicking her wand to draw the ingredients in the kitchen to the drink cart in the corner of the living room.

"I meant to wait until tomorrow morning to do this," Alice spoke anxiously behind her. "I couldn't sleep, though…not without tell you guys…"

"I'm ready for the worst at this point." Lily wouldn't have been surprised if the death of another friend were announced. At this point, she expected anything. When her seven-month-old son was in danger, what else could be worse?

"Remus wouldn't let Marlene and Sirius into the Meadowes' home," Alice began. Lily froze, taking a breath.

"I worried that might happen…"

"Remus accused Marlene of being a murderer." Lily's eyes clenched shut. "And swore to everyone she and Sirius are working together to sabotage the Order of the Phoenix."

"He's grieving," Lily tried once more to suggest, turning around with two tall glasses of liquid courage in her hands.

"The Order is over, Lily." Lily couldn't look Alice in the eye as she said it. She placed their drinks down on the coffee table and collapsed into the couch beside her friend. She was barely processing the words. The war effort, which Lily had joined so hopefully three years ago, had failed. "It can't continue…not now…"

"I know." She had known, for months. Since it had become abundantly clear that she and James would not be able to return, ever, their safety would hang in the balance until the war was over. Dorcas' death was just the final straw.

"I keep thinking about all of us, standing in Dumbledore's office three years ago deciding we would fight together. Where did we go so wrong?"

"I don't know." Lily stared up towards the ceiling to try and prevent the tears that came forth. Never had she felt so defeated. She was weak, trapped in a home with a husband who wouldn't talk to her, with a son whose safety hung in the balance every day.

"I think…it's time we start talking about the next step for you guys." Lily had been worried Alice might say that. "I've been thinking about it all night, what our disbanding will mean for your protection."

"Please, my husband can't take any more rules." Lily was terrified that would be it. James wouldn't be able to take it anymore. "My marriage can't take any more rules." Lily hadn't said it out loud, she'd barely accepted it herself.

"This isn't forever," Alice comforted her, sliding across the couch to wrap her arm around Lily. "This is not your life together."

"It feels like it is," Lily broke down, tears streaming down her face. "Everyday I wake up and wonder if he'll still be there…" She choked on her words, struggling to express what she'd been dealing with for weeks. What could Alice say to fix it? Unless she had the winning card in her pocket the war would go on and the Potters' exile would continue.

"Speak to him," Alice suggested, taking Lily's hand in hers. "From experience, keeping these feelings bottled up does little good."

Lily knew she was right. The two women finished off their drinks, shared some idle chatter, and then Alice bundled up once more and left to return to her own husband and son. Upstairs, Lily found James asleep in bed, the book he'd been reading still open on his chest, square spectacles askew on the bridge of his nose.

Lily moved the book and took off his glasses delicately, trying not to rouse him, but the effort was no use. Just as she was placing his glasses on the bedside table James stirred, hazel eyes cracking open to gaze at her.

"Alright, Evans?" Lily couldn't remember the last time he'd used that line. What memories it conjured…the two of them, lovesick teenagers, sneaking around Hogwarts, shagging in the Prefects office despite the chance that someone could walk in on them at any time. They had been too happy to care about anything but themselves back then.

"Please don't give up on this," she said, reaching for his hand. He held it against his chest as though it warmed his heart.

"Never," he promised, drawing Lily into his arms. She fell asleep like that, on top of the covers, still in her day clothes. Nothing felt better than the protection of James' arms and the promise that this would not destroy them.