James had Harry bouncing on one knee, holding him with his left hand, while he struggled to eat with his right. Lily was standing over the sink, rinsing the dishes after a sponge had lathered them in soap, with the radio playing softly in the background. Harry was happily babbling to himself, closer and closer each day to saying his first word.
"Maybe we could all go for a stroll through the park?" Lily suggested. She looked over her shoulder, smiling. "I know it's not the most exciting way to spend your twenty-first birthday…"
"It's fine, Lil," it felt like the hundredth time he'd said it. Lily had been fretting for days about what to do to celebrate James' "big day." He'd known there was little they could do, what with being under virtual house arrest and all. Their friend group was too fractured for a party – not to mention the great safety risk so many people in the house would pose – and the Potters could not, under any circumstances, be seen beyond the confines of Godric's Hollow. Any hope for an exciting twenty-first birthday had been squashed.
"You don't have to lie to me, you know."
"I'm not lying," James insisted. "Having this little troublemaker around is exciting enough," James tickled Harry's sides to hear that sweet baby laugh. Lily laughed too. She knew it was absolute rubbish, James Potter never turned down an excuse to party.
"It doesn't matter," James reassured his wife. "Come here." She had her arms crossed, watching him sheepishly. "Come on, you can't deny a birthday boy's request." James waved her over. She stepped forward and took his hand.
"I am perfectly happy spending the day with just you two."
Sure, James had imagined his twenty-first birthday before, and yes, it had almost always involved some form of intoxication from sunrise to set, but that didn't mean this day couldn't be just as special. Besides, those plans had been before Harry, before James had settled into the responsibility of fatherhood.
Drinking, partying until the early hours of the morning, that was in the past now. It would remain there too, at least until their house arrest was lifted and he might move freely again. That's what James would've really liked for his birthday: freedom and a break from their tiny village...
"Hey," Lily pulled him back from the depths of his thoughts, "you make a handsome twenty-one year old, you know."
"I don't make it look half as good as you." He rose his head to kiss her but their moment was cut short, interrupted by a knock at the door.
"Hello?" Marlene's voice rang through the house. "Is there a birthday boy home?"
James and Lily drew apart, Lily taking Harry so that she could put him in his high chair for his own breakfast.
"Happy twenty-first birthday!" Marlene squealed, meeting James in the kitchen doorway with a big hug. It was the most enthusiastic he'd seen her in weeks.
"You guys didn't have to come all the way over here so early—"
"We did in fact," Marlene insisted, "because you two have a very busy day ahead of you."
"What?" Lily looked up from the fridge in surprise. It had been a while since anyone in the Potter household was "busy."
"Yup. You two have a romantic evening to get underway."
"Romantic evening?" James wasn't quite following.
"You didn't think we were going to let you stay cooped up in this house for your birthday, did you, mate?" Sirius was smirking mischievously.
"There's a cottage, in a gorgeous little village, with a beautiful castle, waiting for the two of you…"
"Your place?" James was shocked. "But—"
"Sirius and I will spend the night with Harry, he'll be in good hands. He likes me better than you two anyway," Marlene teased them.
"Oh, I don't know…" Lily was looking anxiously at the baby. She never parted with him easily; always terrified that something would go wrong when Harry wasn't under her watchful eye.
"One night, Lil, you'll apparate there and back, the village is tiny and totally out of the way. One night won't hurt anyone." James wasn't going to argue with that. The thought of getting away for at least an evening, getting to spend a little time being normal, sounded blissful to him.
"You'll follow the instructions I leave?" James knew his wife already had a list ready.
"Of course."
"You won't spoil him too much—"
"Oh stop worrying and pack your bags!" Marlene insisted. James couldn't help but grin, looking towards his friends gratefully.
"Thanks, guys, really."
"You didn't think we'd really let James Potter's birthday go to waste, did you?"
"Of course not." Honestly, with everything his friends had been going through (Marlene in particular) James hadn't even expected them to remember his birthday.
Lily had moved to begin feeding Harry his breakfast but Marlene would not allow her to continue. "We'll worry about that, you two get packing!" James knew his friend well enough not to argue with her orders.
Emmeline had shown up at the coffee shop twenty minutes early, desperate to grab a seat before Hestia arrived. She ordered an americano and found a table nearest the window, foot tapping against the side of her chair anxiously as she was forced to sit and wait. From the window, she could see Hestia approaching the café. She recognized her from down the street, dark hair in a messy bun on top of her head.
"Thanks for coming," Emmeline said when Hestia took the chair across from her with her mug of Earl Grey tea.
"I was glad you wrote." Hestia fiddled with her tea bag, a distraction to be sure.
"Hestia, I..." Emmeline had a whole speech planned in her head. She'd been practising it ever since she'd sent her letter, requesting to meet. She'd recited it in her head at least a hundred times and yet, now that Hestia was sitting right in front of her, she could barely speak.
"I really liked you, you know?" Hestia said, looking up from her tea. "I really liked you." Emmeline could hear a but coming, one she didn't want to hear. Speaking to Hestia again for the first time at Dorcas' funeral had woken something up in her, feelings that she had buried but never lost.
"I didn't come today to rekindle anything," Hestia admitted. "I think that the time for that has passed." Emmeline swallowed back her disappointment.
"I never meant to hurt you."
"I know." Hestia was looking down again, not quite meeting Emmeline's glance. She was thankful for that, at least she wouldn't see the tears building in her eyes. Part of her had hoped, blindly, that if they met today if Emmeline was able to tell Hestia everything, all of the pain and torment she had been in for months, perhaps they could patch things up.
"I was so confused after Gideon died," she admitted, taking a deep breath. " I felt so guilty for all the pain I caused him during his final days. It didn't feel right for me to get to stay happy when that happiness had played such a part in…" Emmeline cut herself short, turning her head towards the window. Nine months had passed and still, to speak of that day left a burning pit in her stomach. She saw him, throwing himself into danger all because her, because of the happiness she had discovered with Hestia.
"It was a mistake for us to get involved in the first place." Emmeline turned back to look at Hestia, struggling to hide the pain the words caused her. "You weren't over him yet—"
"I was—"
"Clearly you weren't." Emmeline felt as though she'd been kicked in the stomach. "I should've been smart enough to see that you were using me as a band-aid but I was too happy…how could I not be? Emmeline Vance wanting me." Hestia smiled. "It was nice, Emmeline, it really was, while it lasted."
"I did care about you, Hestia," Emmeline's voice was shaking. "I do."
"Maybe if we'd had better timing it could've worked…"
"I still want to make it work." Emmeline had promised herself she would be honest. Honesty might have prevented things with Gideon from going sour and maybe it could salvage whatever there was left between Emmeline and Hestia. "We can still make it work, we could fix things. I know it won't be easy but I want it, Hestia, I want you—"
"It's too late," Hestia shook her head. "Too much has happened."
"Time heals all wounds," Emmeline said hopefully. "We could start fresh, try to rebuild what we had." Hestia refused to look at her. Emmeline could understand why. She'd put up her walls and blocked everyone out but she was ready to knock them down now, for Hestia she was ready. "You said yourself, we were good…" Emmeline reached her hand across the table but Hestia didn't take it.
"I can't, I'm sorry, Em..."
"I know it's scary, I know you don't feel you can trust me, but I promise—"
"I'm seeing someone." Finally, she looked up, Emmeline's heartbreaking in that instant.
"You're..."
"I waited, Emmeline. I waited for you to come back but you never did…"
"I wanted to…"
"It's nothing serious," Hestia continued, "but it doesn't seem right, to kill something so new, so pure, for a relationship that will always be plagued by the events of that night…" Emmeline could feel the lump in her throat ready to burst, tears prickling at her violet eyes.
"Of course." She was struggling to keep it together in front of Hestia. She was humiliated. She'd poured her heart out, put herself on the line, for something that she needed only move on from...maybe it was how Gideon had felt when he'd seen Emmeline and Hestia together in the safe house that night. Don't think about him now you, bloody fool...but Gideon was all she could see, smiling smugly from beyond the grave. This was exactly what he would've wanted...
"I want you to be happy too, Em, I really do," Hestia told her earnestly. Don't cry, don't you fucking cry, Emmeline instructed herself.
"This was wrong of me." Emmeline was struggling to keep her composure. "I shouldn't have just assumed…" She took a deep breath, prepping for the storm of emotions that was quickly approaching. "I should go." Her voice cracked on the last part. "I'm sorry, I…"
All she wanted was to get the hell out of that café. It had become impossible to get in a proper breath, the stiff air suffocating her. She hurried to throw her jean jacket on, Hestia watching from across the table.
"I'm so sorry," she apologized, head in hand, "I never meant—"
"You weren't a rebound," Emmeline blurted out, not able to hold it in any longer. "You were a breath of fresh air. Those weeks we got, they weren't much but they were the best part of my life that year. If the accident hadn't happened, if the Prewetts hadn't been killed so quickly, we would've been good, don't you think? I think we would have been, I think I'd probably be a lot happier today if I hadn't cut out the one good thing in my life." Now it was Hestia's turn to look at her with tears glistening in her eyes.
"I only ever wanted to be there for you," she admitted, lips turning down.
"I know." Emmeline would've turned back the clock if she had the chance. If she could do it all over again she wouldn't let her guilty feelings rule her emotions, she would've chosen love. "I should've let you."
"We can be friends," Hestia suggested.
"I not so sure I can do that," Emmeline had to bite her lip to stop herself from sobbing. "Not right now, at least." Emmeline readjusted her purse on her shoulder, eyes darting towards the door.
"Goodbye, Hestia." She rushed out the words, desperate to have them done with so she could leave the café and have a good cry.
Emmeline apparated home immediately, desperate to get under her covers and never come out. She figured Patrick would be at school, Mary and Reg at work, and she could quietly sneak back into the house for a breakdown. She wasn't so lucky, though. Instead, she stumbled inside in a fit of tears and walked right into Reg, who had been reading peacefully in the living room moments before.
"Shit," Emmeline cursed, mascara streaking her cheeks. Reg looked up at her in shock, his mouth hanging open. "I didn't mean…" She covered her face, still choking back tears. "I'm sorry…"
"Don't apologize!" Emmeline heard him slam shut his book and looked up to find him racing across the room to her. "Come on, let me get you a glass of water—"
"Really, it's fine…"
"You're upset, I'm not just going to leave you alone. Come on," he ushered her in the direction of the kitchen. The two of them settled down moments later, ice-cold water set before Emmeline with a box of tissues beside it. Her plan had been to divert whatever questions Reg asked and get out of the room as quickly as possible. Instead, he cracked her within minutes and out poured the whole story, from start to finish and all the bumbles Emmeline had made along the way.
"It's over, you see." Emmeline wasn't certain how much time had passed but her tears had stopped at the least. "I've ruined it."
"That wasn't your fault. You didn't get to choose when your ex-boyfriend died. No relationship would survive that in the first few weeks."
"I don't know why I let myself do it," Emmeline said bitterly, "waste my time on the ghost of a guy I didn't even care about anymore."
"You did care about him," Reg reminded her pointedly, "Just because it didn't work between you two doesn't mean he didn't matter."
"He treated me like shit for months. He tortured me over every little thing and then right when I quit, right when I was ready to move on, he changed his mind." She clutched her eyes shut, holding back another round of tears. "Why couldn't he have just given up on me?"
"You're a difficult person to give up on, I think Mary would agree with me on that one."
"Hestia did," Emmeline's eyes flickered open, filling with tears despite her efforts. "Everyone's given up…"
"That's not true," Reg frowned.
"Everyone's just moving on," Emmeline choked on a sob. "I'm all alone." Tears spilt down her cheeks again and Reg leaned forward, passing her one of the tissues. Then he took her free hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"You are not old enough to be giving up yet. You've had a rough start but there is so much waiting in the future for you, Emmeline. I can see it, Mary can too, it's why it worries her so much to see you this down." She wanted to believe him, she wanted to know in her bones that it was true, but she didn't. She couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel when everything seemed to be crumbling. "This will pass and when it does it'll be for the better, it will make you stronger."
"Christ, Reg," Emmeline said, wiping the tears from her cheeks, "who knew you were so insightful." Reg laughed, turning his face away – though Emmeline still caught the rise of colour in his cheeks.
"We're not going anywhere," Reg continued, "Mary and I. We're not going to move on without you."
Emmeline gave him a shaky smile in response. If she'd been stronger she might've warned Reg that it was already too late, they were miles ahead of her, but she didn't dare ruin their moment.
"Thank you, really Reg, it means a lot."
Marlene was helping Lily pack a bag while the boys entertained Harry downstairs. She'd been instructed to pack overnight clothes for both her and James – who would be happy to wear anything out of his closet.
"So I bought a little something," Marlene began, digging about in her purse before producing a dainty bag from a lingerie shop. Lily stared at it ominously.
"I don't think I've worn anything close to sexy since giving birth."
"Well, now's your chance," Marlene tossed the bag at her. "A gift for you and your husband."
It was a see through black lace slip, a matching bra and undies set included. "I don't know…"
"Oh Lily, you'll look gorgeous!" Marlene insisted. "Trust me, James will be salivating."
"Do you know it's been over a month since we've had sex?" Lily hadn't admitted it out loud yet, dropping on the end of the bed in depletion. "More to the point, he hasn't been interested in at least a month."
"I don't think that can be true." Marlene came around to sit beside her. "James is crazy about you—"
"He was," Lily, corrected her, "when we were seventeen and I was new and…fit…" Lily tugged at the fabric of the baggy sweater she wore. "Now I'm boring and usually covered in baby spit up."
"It's not you that he's growing tired of," Marlene looked around the bedroom with a heavy sigh, "it's this confinement."
"And me," Lily couldn't escape the fear that her husband was beginning to tire of her. Cooped up together day and night, barely allowed to spend any time apart, she could sense the tension between them growing.
"The day James Potter grows tired of you is the day the world ends," Marlene told her friend certainly. "Besides, I think this night away will be a breath of fresh air for the two of you. It'll give you a chance to talk, reconnect."
"That's what I'm scared of, talking."
"Come on, stop pouting, and let's get your bags packed so you two can be on the road. You'll see, this will be good." Lily began folding up the clothes Marlene had hand picked from her closet, piling them into the duffle bag she had on top of the bed.
"Are you sure you're okay to stay with Harry for the night?" It was hard enough leaving Harry with Maureen the few times they'd done it, let alone Marlene and Sirius – neither of whom had much experience with children. What if he got sick in the night? What if he woke up and panicked when he didn't see Lily there?
"Of course we'll be fine." Marlene had picked out a new outfit for Lily to wear, having insisted she could not start her romantic trip in a sweatshirt. "I love Harry—"
"But this month hasn't been the easiest for you…" Lily hadn't wanted to say it. In fact, she'd been panicking for the past hour about whether or not to even bring it up. She watched Marlene's face closely, the latter barely even blinking.
"I'll be fine, Lil," she tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, "it'll serve as a nice distraction."
"Have you seen Remus?"
"No." Marlene wouldn't look at her. "I'm sure it's for the best, considering how last time went."
"He hasn't even been by to visit," Lily frowned. "I know it's bothered, James. He won't say anything, of course, but it bothers him." They hadn't seen a trace of Remus since Dorcas' murder. Lily figured that he thought James would take Marlene's side no matter what and a grieving man was in no mood for a lecture. Regardless, it was disappointing to see how easily their friend group could crumble.
"Here." Marlene handed Lily her choice in outfit. "You will definitely be getting laid tonight." She'd picked out an off the shoulder maroon shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans. Lily couldn't remember the last time she'd worn either.
"Come on, put it on," Lily had been certain nothing would fit her right anymore but Marlene was always right, the outfit was perfect. She combed through her long red hair and tucked it behind her ears, ready for her country getaway with James. Maybe Marlene was right; this would be the time out of the house and alone they desperately needed. Time to reconnect.
"One last thing," Marlene said, a sneaky smile on her face as she dug through her bag once more. She pulled a flask out, Lily shaking her head yet reaching for it at the same time.
"A little liquid courage," Marlene teased as Lily tossed the alcohol back, winching as she swallowed.
Downstairs James and Sirius were playing blocks on the floor with Harry, who was quite happy with all the attention. He was knocking over a tower Sirius had built him when Lily and Marlene stepped into the room, both men looking up.
"You clean up nice, don't you, Evans?" Sirius winked.
"James is punching way above his station," Marlene agreed. From the look on James' face, he agreed too, his eyes practically eating Lily whole. He rose from his spot on the carpet and came over to give her a kiss on the cheek.
"Should we get going?" he asked.
"Time to say bye to mummy and daddy!" Marlene lifted Harry off the floor and into her arms.
"Be a good boy for auntie Marley and Padfoot," Lily warned her eight-month-old, kissing him on the cheek.
"He'll be good, won't you buddy?" James gave his son's hair a delicate ruffle. "We've trained you well."
"Now go!" Marlene insisted, drawing the baby away from them. "Before Lily changes her mind." It was difficult not to look at Harry, with his chubby cheeks and unassuming eyes. She took her son's hand and kissed it once more.
"Come on," James chuckled, having to practically drag Lily out the door.
Remus and Alice stood side by side, listening as his landlord explained to them they had just five days to clear everything out of his flat before they were evicted. Remus let Alice do all the talking, still overwhelmed to be back inside the flat he hadn't entered since that morning, that last, blissful morning he and Dorcas shared.
She was everywhere. Lying across the couch with a book, burning something in the kitchen as she danced to the radio, napping in bed when Remus returned home after a long day. He was waiting for her to reappear now, to come strutting out from the bathroom or open the front door and ask what they were all doing gathered in the apartment.
"Remus." Alice's touch on his arm brought him back to reality. "We should get packing." His landlord was leaving, the door closing behind him, and they were left with a pile of boxes and more memories than could fit.
"Where do you want to start?"
"I'll do the bedroom." He wasn't quite sure how he would muster the strength.
"Are you sure?"
"It should be me." Alice didn't protest. She began packing away the china in the kitchen so that Remus could enter the room he and Dorcas had shared alone. The bed was unmade, just as he had left it. Her pillow still smelt of the hair products she had used, a strand of her black hair left behind.
"How many people have you been with?" Remus asked. It was still storming outside, the rain coming down hard, but in the darkness of their room, curled up in bed together, they were safe.
"Where did that question come from?"
"Just…curious." The truth was, it'd been eating him alive for weeks. Dorcas was older than him, more mature, worldlier. Remus had moved in with her and they'd been living happily together for nearly a month while barely ever discussing the past.
"Well, including you…" she took a deep breath, thinking. "Maybe ten?"
"TEN?"
"What's wrong with ten?"
"Nothing, I just…" Remus turned away, a bit embarrassed by his reaction.
"What?" Dorcas chuckled, hand rubbing his chest as she pulled closer towards him. "What's your number?"
"Considerably lower," Remus admitted, regretting having ever asked the question. "Three."
"What are you so embarrassed about?" she asked, her hand coming up to caress the side of his face. "It's really not the number of people that matters, Remus," she said, rolling back on top of him. "It's the performance." She leaned in and kissed him. "And you are very talented."
Remus started in the closet, packing away his own clothes, not daring to even look towards Dorcas' things. What would he do with them all? Her possessions? Sell them? Give them away? It felt like giving up little pieces of her that would never be returned.
What about all the stuff of his that she had given him? The Christmas gifts, the birthday presents. Remus pulled a green cardigan off its hanger, sitting on the edge of the bed with it clutched in his hands.
"I love the colour on you," Dorcas admitted, sitting beside him on the couch as he unwrapped the gift. "It's more a gift for me than you, really."
"I love it, Doe."
"Really?" Her eyes lit up with excitement. "I'm usually crap at gifts…"
"You're not." He leaned in for a kiss, holding her close. "You always know what I want, it's why I love you." Both their mouths fell open in shock, neither of them having yet said the word out loud. Suddenly Dorcas' face broke into a grin.
"Love me, huh?" She leaned in to swipe aside some of Remus' hair, kissing him slowly. "I guess I kind of love you too."
Remus hadn't noticed he was crying until he saw the tears landing in his lap, staining the sweater. It dropped to the floor as his hands came to cup his face, tears coming faster than he expected.
"Oh, Remus," Alice cooed, entering the room to come and wrap her arms around him. He crumpled into her chest, sobbing.
"I thought I could do it," he said, struggling to swallow back the emotions.
"It's okay," she rubbed his back comfortingly. "It's still so soon…"
"She's gone," Remus looked up, his eyes bleary from all the crying, "she's really just…gone." He rubbed at his eyes, desperate to stop the tears. "I don't know what I keep waiting for."
"You're waiting for her to come back. You're waiting to go back to the life you once had. I know the feeling; it's how I felt for months after my mother passed. Every trip home, every holiday, I was waiting whether I realized it or not." She sighed heavily. "I'm still waiting sometimes. Still hoping she can see me doing okay, that she knows she has a grandson who she would adore, that I've married Frank and built a home with him." Alice looked into his eyes, smiling sadly. "You'll never stop waiting," she told him, her words making his heartache. "One day it will get easier, though."
"No one else will ever love me, not like she did." Remus knew he'd been lucky when he found Dorcas, someone so ready to accept him for what he was, to love him unconditionally, to protect him at his weakest. What were the chances he would find such a good match again?
"I love you," Alice told him, "I'll always love you, Remus, no matter what you do. No matter how poorly you feel about yourself." She took his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "You will always have me."
"What would I do without you?" he asked, head coming to rest on Alice's shoulder. The tears had stopped, for now at least, and left behind a feeling of numbness Remus hadn't been able to escape for weeks.
"There are people out there just waiting to love you Remus," Alice promised him, "you'll see."
Lily had her feet curled beneath her, watching from the couch as James used his wand to light the fire. It was half past nine and Lily realized it might've been the first time in a while they weren't in bed by this hour. They were drinking mulled cider, listening to one of the McKinnons' jazz records. There was no baby sleeping to worry about, and the regular, bored, irritation they were both plagued with was missing.
The ability to spend their day wandering Bramburgh, visiting the castle where they had been married, walking along the beach they had sat on with Marlene and Sirius so many years ago, was a blessing. James returned to the couch, arm coming around Lily so that she curled into his side.
"I feel like it's been a while…" It was what Lily had been thinking all day, too afraid to admit. This was the first time in weeks, maybe months even, that she'd felt close to James. That she hadn't sensed him floating further and further away.
"A while since what?" God, had she put her foot in her mouth?
"Since we've felt normal." She was glad he couldn't see the anxiety in her face as she said it. She waited for his answer, fearful that she had ruined the moment with her big mouth. This was supposed to be James' birthday for god's sake, what was she doing bringing up their marital troubles?
"I know." His agreement was a relief, Lily releasing some of her stress. "I'm so sorry, Lil." She sat up abruptly, hearing the tremble in his voice. "I haven't been myself…" She reached for his hands, squeezing them comfortingly as tears filled his hazel eyes. "I've been distant."
"It's okay…"
"It's not okay." He looked down shamefully. Lily was desperate to see his face, to know what he was thinking. "This is not how I imagined our life together," James admitted, his voice cracking. Lily burst into tears the minute he said it, unable to keep it inside. How could she be so selfish? Here James was, finally opening up to her, and now she was making it all about her.
"Shit, Lil, I…I didn't mean to…" she had her hands covering her face, not wanting James to see the pain she was in. "I love you, and Harry, I wouldn't change that for the world—"
"It's not the life I pictured either," Lily finally choked out. They had been married so young, just eighteen, and neither of them had had a clue what was in store: a baby in a year, house arrest in another. They'd been naïve to think they were old enough for any of it.
"What if we've made a terrible mistake, James?" She finally dropped her hands, opening her tear filled eyes. Lily couldn't be sure when the mistake had taken place. Was it marrying so young? Having a child? Possibly it had been when they got themselves mixed up in fighting a war they hadn't grasped the magnitude of.
"I love you, Lily." They both had tears running down their cheeks, neither stronger than the other. Lily had been living alone with these thoughts for weeks, too terrified to share them with anyone. It felt like a pile of bricks had been lifted from her chest. "You and Harry, you're all I have in this world."
Harry…their sweet boy. He was so happy, so joyful, and clueless as to the terror that reigned around him. Lily could never regret him, even if they were too young. He was the only glimmer of hope in all this darkness. She and James had lost their families long ago, their parents were dead, Petunia was as good as, and they only had each other.
"I'm going mad, Lily…" James confessed. "Locked up in that house day and night, now they're talking about putting it under the Fidelius charm." All that they had fought so hard to prevent was happening. "He's just a boy," James shuddered, "he's not a threat to anyone."
"I couldn't live if anything happened to Harry." Lily wiped her tears, looking up at James. "We can't let anything happen to Harry."
"We won't," James, promised, "I won't."
"We made him, James." She slid forward, resting her forehead against her husband's chest. He rubbed her back, fingers running through her hair the way she loved. "He's so perfect…"
"He's the most important thing I've ever done." Lily felt the same. He was her greatest accomplishment, her green eyed, babbling little boy. She would always remember those moments they shared, when she woke up for a late night feed, when his green eyes flickered up and rounded calmly as he stared at her. Those nights where it felt like they were the only two people in the world...
"I won't let anything happen to you either, Lily Potter." She knew that was a promise. Slowly, Lily rose her head to look up at him. They were both a bit delirious from all the emotion, Lily stretching up to meet James' lips. He held her face in his hands, thumbs caressing her cheek.
This was not how Lily had expected them connecting, faces still wet from crying, having just admitted to each other their deepest fears. Yet, it had brought them closer. Lily sat up, straddling James as he helped her pull off her shirt, flinging it across the room. Lily felt a little guilty about shagging in the living room, where the McKinnons probably gathered so often to spend quality family time together, but it couldn't be helped.
James was quickly inside of her, their bodies moving together in perfect rhythm. Lily hadn't realized how much she missed this, the closeness physically, the way they seemed to know exactly what to do once the wheels were rolling. His body was so familiar too, almost more familiar than her own felt sometimes, as though he were a part of her.
After that they finished up their drinks and found their way to the guest room – they felt wrong using Alfred and Maureen's bedroom – they made love twice more. It was as though there had been a great chasm between them that had shrunk back up, bringing the two together again.
Lily lay in James' arms that night, her head against his chest, their naked bodies tangled together. She could hear the quiet beat of his heart and the soothing rise and fall of his chest each breath he took.
"I love you," she whispered, not wanting to disturb him if he had already fallen asleep.
"Do you know, I think spending this night with you might've been my birthday wish one year." Lily couldn't help but burst into laughter, James joining in soon after.
"Getting to shag Lily Evans not once but three times." He wolf whistled. "Damn."
"I can't believe I married my stalker."
He chuckled, arm coming to wrap tighter around her. "You're stuck now, nothing to be done about it."
"Nothing," she agreed. "I just look forward to telling Harry one day about what an absolute shit his dad was," Lily teased, "and how his mother had the good graces to still give him a shot."
"Harry could learn a few things from his old man."
"Like how not to get the girl?" Lily rose her head, looking up at James to find him smirking, eyes closed.
"I did get the girl eventually though, didn't I?"
"Somehow, against all the odds." She kissed his chest, laying down her head once more to sleep.
"Slow and steady wins the race."
James and Lily had returned home sometime after midday. By that point Marlene and Sirius had Harry dressed, crawling after the cat in the living room and already fed both breakfast and lunch. Sirius didn't know how the baby had more energy than he did, he'd been ready for a nap by ten A.M.
Harry had looked up and grinned when his parents entered the house, both rushing into the living room to greet him as though they'd been parted for months on end. Sirius couldn't help but smile a little, watching his oldest friend so happy just to hold his son in his arms.
"Were you a good boy for auntie Marley and Padfoot?" Lily asked, pretending to munch on Harry's hand so that he giggled joyfully.
"He was perfect," Marlene assured them. "He's always a treat."
Back home, Marlene hopped in the shower while Sirius snoozed on the couch, the radio on in the background in case they'd missed any pressing news. With the Order no longer together, news of the war traveled slower. Sirius heard less and less about what was happening behind the scenes, the information that the Daily Prophet was too chicken-shit to print.
He couldn't remember how long his eyes had been closed; it felt like minutes, when Marlene shook him awake. She was wearing nothing but a towel, her hair wet, water dripping down her back.
"Get dressed," she instructed him, "my mum wants us over for dinner."
"Tonight?" Sirius had no desire to exhaust himself socializing after getting only five hours of sleep the night before. "Can't we pull a rain check?" He covered his eyes, desperate to fall back asleep.
"No, mum sent an owl, it's urgent. Come on," she gave him a light shove. "Do me a solid!"
"I'm tired!"
"Don't be such an old man." She sat on the edge of the couch, closest to his feet.
"Why can't we be one of those couples that naps?"
"If you don't show up to dinner with me they'll all ask questions," Marlene sighed. "They'll be convinced we're breaking up, or worse, you'll be on my mother's bad side again."
"I'm always on your mother's bad side!" Sirius complained. He was certain Maureen McKinnon had never smiled at him in the near ten years they'd known each other.
"Well, use this as an opportunity to improve your relationship." Sirius still had his eyes closed so that Marlene couldn't draw him in with her puppy dog eyes. She had other methods of course, slowly stretching herself out on top of him, nothing but a towel covering her naked body.
"Please." Her mouth was right by the side of his face, her breath tickling his cheek. He pressed his lips together, suppressing a smile. "You know they're all worried about me," she nudged his cheek with the tip of her nose. Sirius couldn't argue once she said that. Marlene hadn't been herself since Dorcas' death. She'd been withdrawn, moody, often absent. Especially without the Order, they lacked purpose. It didn't help that a rift had formed within their friend group, everyone having to keep Sirius and Marlene completely separate from Remus.
"You're such a sneak," he said, wrapping his arms around her to pull Marlene close to him. She squealed.
"One kiss and I'll go."
"You're a poor bargainer, aren't you?"
"Hey, I never specified where—"
"Oh, shut up," she scoffed and leaned in to kiss him.
All three of the McKinnon children were present, including Amy's husband and daughter. Sirius and Alex always got along well, the two sneaking off to discuss Quidditch or politics while the rest of the family got caught up in their usual banter. Now that Danny was finished at Hogwarts and home for good he joined them. On this particular evening, while Maureen had been pestering Marlene about getting rid of the last few boxes of things she'd left at the house, and Amy was dealing with a temper-tantrum Franny was throwing, Alex had motioned for Danny and Sirius to follow him out back.
"Indulge in a bad 'abit?" Alex asked, pulling a pack of Marlboros from his pocket. His French accent, despite never having been very heavy, still stuck out when it wanted to.
"Thanks, mate." Sirius said, reaching for one.
"Don't let your mother catch you, Danny," Alex warned his brother-in-law. "She'll murder me if she finds out I am encouraging your bad 'abit."
"She doesn't get much say anymore, does she?"
"She does if you still want her cooking your dinner every night."
Sirius couldn't help but laugh. He'd never known the comfort of a mother who coddled her children; he'd never had one. The closest thing he'd got was Caroline Potter and they'd only been given a few years together…
"So, what's the big occasion for this dinner?" Sirius asked, exhaling a puff of smoke in Danny's face just to irritate him.
"Well," suddenly Alex was grinning.
"Look at him," Danny teased, "he's practically blushing."
"Now you've got me excited."
"I'm not supposed to say, but…" He looked over his shoulder to make sure no one had poked their head out the back door. "Amy eez pregnant."
"What do you know?" Sirius gave him a congratulatory hug. He felt like everyone he knew was popping out babies, or getting married. "Congratulations, mate."
"It's very new," Alex, explained, "we're only telling close family right now."
Marlene stepped out soon after that so they all shut up, Danny tucking his cigarette behind his back as thought it would fool her.
"Mum's going to kill you if she catches you all out here!" She came to Sirius, taking a drag from his cigarette despite the warning. "Come on, dinner's ready and Amy is getting grumpy." She looked over at Danny. "I can see the thing smoking behind you Danny, just finish it for Merlin's sake."
Alex and Sirius laughed at them as they bickered the whole way back to the door. Sirius had never had that with his brother, comradery. Marlene and her siblings were there for each other. He'd seen them bail one another out of a crisis more than once and he knew, despite their arguments, Marlene would do just about anything for her little brother. Sirius' brother, on the other hand, had been missing for over a year and he'd done nothing in his power to help find him. He assumed he was dead, having met the fate of a coward.
All Sirius could seem to think about, by the end of the night, was family. James and Lily, Alice and Frank, they both had made their own families despite their loss. He couldn't help but admire the safety net they'd created…sometimes he thought it might be nice…to have that, the comfort he'd never known as a child.
"What're you thinking about?" Marlene asked when she climbed under the covers that night. Sirius was sitting up in bed, holding a book in his hand yet looking nowhere near the pages.
"Your sister and Alex dealing with another baby."
Marlene laughed. "Amy says they've officially found a place, a property not too far from where the house is so the kids will be close to their grandparents."
"Sounds nice." Sirius, on the other, had never had the countryside existence of either James or Marlene. He'd been on the streets of London, moving in the elite Wizarding circles that functioned in the big city. Living close to his grandparents had not been something he'd ever desired, and in fact, he'd always cried endlessly when his parents forced him to visit as a child.
"They've started construction, the place should be ready just before the baby's born in December."
Sirius closed his book, setting it aside so that he could turn towards Marlene.
"What?" she asked. She always got uncomfortable when he stared at her for too long but it was hard not to.
"Should we get married?"
"I'm sorry?" Marlene asked, mouth-dropping open.
"Seriously, do you want to get married?"
"Are you awake?" Marlene took his shoulder and shook him lightly. "Is Sirius Black still in there?"
"Because I could."
"You could?" She was laughing at him but he didn't care. He meant every word of it. He was stone cold sober, working off five hours of sleep, and he'd never felt more in love with her. He hadn't ever believed it, that you could find yourself falling more and more for a person each day. It had always sounded like a load of sappy bullshit. That was the kind of stuff Peter fell for, or James even, not Sirius. Sirius was a realist and yet, here he was…twenty years old and ready to commit to one girl forever. He'd never really been committed to anyone else though, had he?
"We've been through more shit together than most people go through in a lifetime," Sirius reminded her. Marlene still appeared stupefied. "We've spent more than enough time avoiding this." He leaned closer towards her, his lips brushing against hers. "I don't want anyone else."
"You've gone mad."
"Marry me," Sirius repeated, suddenly filled with all the confidence in the world. They kissed again.
"Sirius," she pulled away, cupping his face in her hands. "I don't want to marry you," his stomach suddenly sunk. "There's a reason we've always done things the wrong way. We aren't like the rest of them." She ran her thumb along his cheek. "I don't need to be married to you to know what I want," she pulled his face closer, their foreheads touching. "Is that a disappointment?"
"No," he assured her, his nerves calmed down now. She drew in closer to him, their mouths meeting again. He didn't need a marriage contract to know that this was exactly where he wanted to be at the end of every day; there was not one person he'd rather in his arms.
