Chapter 2
Hard to believe it's been nine months since we last saw you, let alone heard your voice. What I wouldn't give to hear you laugh at something stupid one of us did or at one of Roc's bad jokes. Suppose Connor already told you about what happened a few nights ago, matter of fact I know he did…found the letter he was working on and read it. Sometimes I forget I'm 28 and not 14 anymore but you know how it gets, sometimes you get these urges and you gotta take care 'em.
Ma's happy as hell that we're back, beat the holy shit outta us when we walked through the door for not calling, not writing or anything of the like saying we were coming home. Gave Da a good wallop for making her raise us on her own for 20 some-odd years. She made us our favorite food that night then went down to The Anvil and saw our uncle and cousins, it was great to see everyone after all those years apart but every time we heard the door open I kept thinking you'd be the next person to walk through the door ready to bitch about another shitty day at work after three or four shots of whiskey.
Was telling our cousin Saoirse about the first time you ever drank Connor under the table, said she would've had to see it to believe it but anyone with a pair of tits who could drink a MacManus under the table deserves to be called an honorary Irishwoman…she was already good and drunk by the time we showed up. You would've like Saoirse though, two of you work shitty jobs you hate and after a few drinks tell some of the dirtiest fucking jokes I've ever heard.
When Ma was finally able to drag us home at 3 in the morning she left me dumbass brother in the car to sleep off the hangover he got the next day. Ma says she forgot he was in the car since he was passed out in the back seat but really she didn't wanna deal with his whining ass when she got up in the morning. I don't remember anything from that night but Ma swears that I kept asking for you, wondering where you were and why you never came to the bar with us, that I wanted you to meet Ma.
I'm sure Connor's told you that Da bought a sheep farm a few hours from here and that it's a quiet place where we can escape to, he wants us to move out there with him, says the quiet would be good for us. I don't know what you said to him when he found you that day after Roc died but he's been really trying to know us. He got us a few things for our birthday that makes me think you had something to do with it: Connor got a bunch of stupid movies that he's been watching over and over…The Eiger Sanction and Machine-Gun Kelly are probably his new favorites…I swear he's got an unhealthy obsession with Clint Eastwood & Charlie Bronson. Got me a couple of John Wayne movies but mostly it was sketchpads and some supplies. Never told him I liked to draw so it must've been either Ma or Connor that told him. Did you know the tats on our necks were the first thing I drew and actually liked? Never thought I'd let Connor talk me into putting ink to skin. We did 'em ourselves and Ma was PISSED when she saw us come out of our room with our necks wrapped in towels.
I know, I'm rambling now, just trying to think of what else I could say that I haven't said before.
Tomorrow is Christmas and Ma's down the hall fussing up a storm about how it'll be the first holiday we've ever spent together as a family…she invited Da over to eat with us so it'll new to all of us. Just can't shake those memories of all those years of seeing an empty chair across from Ma and after 28 years it'll be filled for the first time tomorrow night. Our uncle invited us all over for breakfast at The Anvil in the morning…kinda tradition more or less. Spend time with all the family eat, drink, be merry sorta thing in the morning, small gift exchange then we all go home and spend the rest of the day playing with the toys we got that morning. After dinner, when the food was put away and the dishes were clean then Ma would let us open whatever was under the tree. It wasn't a lot, usually just a bunch of clothes but we always got something that was our own and something that had to be shared. One year she got us both new bikes, she had been scraping and saving the whole year…she said it was worth it seeing us wearing matching ear-to-ear grins. Another year she gave us a Nintendo; we weren't really that into it but it was nice to have when it was too shitty outside to play and we were done with our homework.
Was in town a few days ago and Connor stopped by a bookshop and got ya some musty smelling piece of junk written in Italian. Don't worry, he thumped me a good one for making that comment out loud, said you would've done it if you were with us…either that or shot me a dirty look…probably both now that I'm really thinking on it. Can't really say much on his choice of book except that he's got himself a plan if you ever come to Ireland and you bring that book with you. Swear to Christ he's got pussy on the brain more than I do!
I know, I know, Lord's name…Ma just whacked me for that one…still don't get how she knew I even wrote that when she was just in the kitchen a few minutes ago.
Connor told me that he's been leaving "memories" in the stuff he's written you, mostly what you two had been doing while I was in the hospital, he thought maybe I should leave a few of my own but I'll refrain from doing that.
For now.
Don't wanna risk having one of these letters come open and prying eyes reading about some of the things we've done together and to each other.
I get where he's coming from and why he's doing it, he doesn't want you to forget about him. I don't want you to forget about me so I guess I can try and start with something tame, see where it leads.
When I was in the hospital, had to have been a couple of days after I woke up, you came up one morning while I was still sleeping and crawled into the bed next to me. Your breathing was just starting to even out when someone (I think it was a nurse) came in and let the door slam against the wall, woke us both up. You were too tired to say anything and flopped back down on the pillow but since I was rudely awakened I ended up getting up to take a piss. They just pulled the catheter out the day before so I could use the toilet like a normal person but they still didn't trust me to move around on my own.
The nurse (or whoever) helped me into the bathroom and wouldn't fucking leave while I'm standing there trying to take a piss…even tried striking up a conversation. Finally finished up and was washing my hands when she asked if I was seeing anyone, that she thought I'd be a good match for her aunt who had just gotten divorced and wanted something "young and virile."
Her words, not mine.
Told her she was outta her fucking mind to ask something that damn stupid when you were clearly in the bed sleeping. Nurse kept going on and on about how there was no way we were together, she just knew you and Connor were fucking, you came in with him when I got rushed there and you two were leaving together around the same time each night while I was still out. She just kept pushing and pushing until I damn near exploded on her; never meant to wake you up but I guess we did what with her insistence and me trying to tell her otherwise.
You shut her up pretty damn quick when you walked into the bathroom with that damned and determined look in your eye; you wrapped your hand around the back of neck and laid one on me that left me and Nurse Pest speechless. After you got me back in bed and comfy you whipped your head around and told her if she ever tried to do that shit again you were gonna have her fired and would make sure she never worked in another hospital again.
She huffed off saying you couldn't have both of us…almost burst out laughing at that one. You came back and we both fell asleep once you got yourself situated in bed next to me. Doctor Nguyen came in a few hours later asked how I was doing (at least he had the decency to knock). Don't know how he managed to come in without waking you but I told him what happened with that nurse. He said what the three of us had was between us and no one else; from his perspective you were caught in the middle of taking care of the two of us while trying to maintain your sanity.
He asked what you were to me before he left. Know what I told him? Same thing I should've told you a long time ago…maybe if I had said something when you were trying to…nevermind.
Told him that you were mine, you were Connor's…ours.
Maybe if I told you that you would've stayed.
Can't change the past but you should at least know that you'll always be ours no matter what.
I got you a little something for Christmas and you probably won't get it until probably New Year's but it's just something for you to remember us by and it's a little something that says Ireland and you can't get much more Irish then freshly brewed whiskey. Da's got a few friends (shocking, right?) that gave him a bunch of the stuff as a welcome home gift so he's been giving it away a few bottles at a time. Me and Connor already have one so I thought you should have one too. Maybe if you ever come see us we can crack a bottle open and have one of those nights out under the stars and the fire going like you used to tell us about.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year!
Murphy
