Chapter 18

Tear In My Heart

(Season 1, Episode 8 - Bugs)

Sarah sat on the curb in front of the house. She sent Sam and Dean to retrieve the rest of their stuff from the house they were squatting in. Neither brother tried to talk to her about her personal issues. They knew she wouldn't say anything about it.

Dean didn't want to leave her, but she convinced him to go with Sam. She told him she would stay and watch the family to make sure nothing else comes back, but she just wanted him to be gone. She never wanted Sam or Dean to see her in that way. The sooner they left, the less they would see of her distress.

She hugged her legs as the family packed their things. Sarah was finally alone with her thoughts. You froze. How could you have froze? You've battle vampires, ghosts, even other hunters and you let bees get to you? It was awhile ago. There's no reason for me to be afraid of them. I wasn't the one in danger of them, stupid. That family in that house needed you and you failed them. You are lucky those boys were there to help you. Those people might be dead now if it wasn't for them. Sam and Dean needed you. They needed me. I told them I could take care of myself and I get taken out by bees. You should be ashamed of yourself. Dean had to go back and save you. He risked his life to get me and I haven't even said 'thank you' yet. What is wrong with me? The loud rumble of the Impala's engine pulled her away from her self-pity.

Dean parked the car across the street and both boys made their way over. They went over to the homeowner to say one last goodbye. Sam went over to Matt to have one more personal one on one with the young man and Dean pealed himself away from Larry to talk to Sarah.

He sat down next to her and stared straight ahead. "How ya doing?"

"What does it look like?" Sarah mumbled.

"It looks like you're wallowing in self-pity."

"You would be correct."

"You don't need to do that, you know? Everyone gets scared every once in awhile."

"People could have died, Dean. It wasn't the time to get scared."

Dean nudged her shoulder. "I had your back."

Sarah turned her face slightly in his direction. "Thanks for that by the way."

He smiled. "It was nothing. but that makes it, what, three times now I saved your ass?"

"Don't make me hit you. Take the 'thank you.' I'm usually not this nice."

"I've noticed that." He paused and got serious. "So what now?"

Sarah sighed. "I don't know. Maybe I'll go home, quit hunting. Maybe I'll just travel the country and see the sights and not the supernatural ones. Or maybe I'll get myself killed on the next case. I just don't know. But you can drop me off at the bus station and I'll figure it out from there."

Dean was shocked. "You're still leaving?"

"That was the deal, wasn't it? One last case then I go."

His eyes squinted. Please don't leave us. "You can stay with me and Sammy, you know?"

"And get you killed on the next hunt? I don't think so. I'm not going to have that on my conscience. I already have too much on there."

"And if we die on the next hunt without you?"

"That won't be my fault," she snapped. "Don't put that on me."

"We need you, Sarah. You're an excellent hunter. The three of us make a great team. Besides, who else is going to keep me in line? Sammy can't control me."

Sarah giggled. "Oh, and I can?"

"You sure as hell do a better job at it than Sam."

"I don't know, Dean."

"Come on. You know you want to."

More than anything to stay with you. "I have so much personal stuff to work out."

"We can help you work it out."

"It might make you run screaming for the hills."

"I guarantee I'm more screwed up than you. I won't go running." He gently wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "What do you say?"

"I don't know, Dean."

Dean straighten his back. "Okay, maybe this can convince you. I'm terrified of flying."

"What?"

"Like, mind numbingly terrified. The last time I was on a plane was a few weeks ago. I had to hum Metallica to myself to calm myself down."

"You are such a nerd."

"Maybe. Now, you tell me. What are you scared of?"

I'm scared of you. Sarah sighed. "I don't like tight spaces."

"You're claustrophobic? Is that why you wouldn't go down the hole earlier this week?"

"Yup. I probably would have froze or started screaming. Either way, it isn't very flattering."

"Is there a reason?"

Sarah looked at him and smiled, but did not answer.

"Right. Too much information for now."

"Exactly."

"What about the bees?"

"Nope. You're turn."

"Okay... Can I tell you one about Sammy?"

"Sam's afraid of something? Is it good?"

Dean's face lit up. "Oh, trust me. It's good."

"Okay, tell me."

"Clowns."

"Clowns?"

"Clowns."

"You're joking."

"Does it look like I'm joking?"

"It does not." Sarah's face turned to the younger Winchester. "Wow. At least our fears are fears that come with dying. Has he always been afraid of clowns?"

"For as long as I can remember."

"Oh, Sam."

Dean nudged her shoulder. "Okay. You're turn. The bees."

She didn't look at him and her expression fell. "My sister's allergic to bees."

"Your sister is?"

"Yeah. When we were kids, she got stung and she almost died. I've been scared of them ever since."

"You have a sister?"

Her head shot to his direction. "I tell you a major piece of my history and the only part you hear is that I have a sister?"

"Well, you never mentioned her before."

"Yeah."

"What was her name? Is she younger or older? Is she a hunter, too?"

"Dean, remember. Too much information at once. For now, that's all I'm going to tell you."

His shoulders fell. "You still don't trust me."

"That's not it."

"Then what is it?"

She didn't answer.

"Right. Too much information."

Sarah rested her hand on his shoulder. "Maybe some other time, if you're good."

"Oh, you know I can't be good. That's not fair."

"Oh, I think it is."

Dean giggled. With a bright smile on his face, he asked, "So you're staying?"

Sarah grinned. "Maybe just one more case."

"No. You can't keep pushing off the decision."

"And why not?"

"Because I'm driving and I don't drive hitch hikers."

"Oh really? Then what was I before?"

"Good company."

"And if I stay, what would I be then?"

"A trusted member of the team."

"Wow. That is persuasive."

"I know right." Dean stood up from the curb and reached his hand out to her. "What do you say?" Please say yes.

Say no. "Okay." Sarah grabbed his hand and he pulled her up. "I'm in."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." I'm going to regret this.

Sam walked over with a confused expression plastered on his face. "What's everyone so happy for?"

Dean tried to hide his true happiness, but it broke through. "I convinced Sarah here to tag along a little longer."

Sam looked to the girl. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Sam couldn't help, but to hug her. "Well, welcome aboard."

"Thanks." When Sam pulled away, she pointed at both of them. "Now, if either of you get me killed, I'm coming back to haunt your asses."

"Yes, ma'am." Dean grinned. "So let's get out of here. Find a good diner to eat at. I'm starving."

"Are you ever not hungry?"

Dean held the back door open for Sarah. "When I'm sleeping." She climbed into the Impala and he closed the door behind her.

Sam looked at his brother with a devilish grin.

"What?"

"You wanted her gone so bad. What changed your mind?"

"Just get in the car, Sammy, before we leave you behind."

Sam laughed. "Okay, Dean. Whatever you say."

Dean shot his brother one last look before climbing behind the wheel. He looked at the girl through the rearview mirror. "You ready? You can take a nap if you want."

Sarah tilted her head. "Just drive."

Dean turned the key. "Yes, ma'am." He out it in gear and the trio drove off to their next adventure.


A/N: This chapter was named after Tear in my Heart from Twenty One Pilots. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Please leave a review. I love to read them.