Update : 3/1/21 : I am currently writing the next portion of this story through ME3, Of Shallow Graves and Glorious Cinders. If you want updates on progress, to yell or scream at/with me, or just looking for a dope friend in the fandom come follow me on Tumblr crescentbunny or my twitter Crescentbunny


"What the hell?! God you are such a fucking cheater Jeff," Shepard blurted. The table of bodies at Dark Star lounge erupted into howling and guffawing. The plastic plinking of credit chits and gambling chips drowned out the uproar for a few minutes as winnings shifted from a multitude of alien extremities.

"Oh shit, she's pissed, the first name came out. Now, now Commander, where is that famous N7 calm, huh?" Joker teased. A chorus of 'oohs' started up. Next to him, Kaiden hid his smile behind his fist while a chip-less Elcore and Hanar excused themselves from the betting.

"Probably the same place all your cards are, Flight Lieutenant - up your ass!" She spat. A din of raucous laughter began again from the spectating crowd of marines. Shepard gazed around the room but could barely make out the top of Liara and Tali's head's out on the dance floor. At her table was the senior Normandy team: Joker and Kaiden to her left, Garrus on her right, and Wrex across. Around them and filling in holes were her Alliance crewmen, out celebrating the successful completion of their first mission. Since that mission was saving the Citadel from destruction, the heroes had naturally drawn an immense, thunderous, multitude into Dark Star.

Waiters wove through the masses, people danced, the music resounded. The victory was palpable in the charged atmosphere of the small establishment. Her chest burst with the pride she had for her crew's accomplishments. The famous soldier returned her attention to the game. She had thrown down her useless hand, so her typical M.O. of hucking something at her smart-ass pilot had to be abandoned in favor of a different distraction.

She stood, leaned over the table, and held out a palm to her enormous, scaly, Krogan merc. "Wrex, lemme have a drag of that."

"What... you gave this to me Shepard!" He pulled the item of interest - a large Earth made cigar - from his wide lips.

"Come on buddy, it's human custom to share at least once with the generous gifter!" Begged the small, determined woman. Wrex regarded her with a smirk but handed her the cigar. She sucked greedily and puffed out a plume of smoke with a content sigh. Kaiden put an elbow on the monstrous merc's shoulder.

"She's working you, there's no custom I'm aware of," the biotic declared as Shepard resumed her spot and picked up her newly dealt cards. She rolled her eyes in response.

Garrus's flanged dual tone rose above the noise. "Oh he knows, he's just too fond of her to say no." all seven feet of him leaned smugly, mandibles widely showing teeth, with both arms thrown across the back of the booth cushions.

"That's rich coming from you, whelp," the warlord's booming laugh must have ruffled the Turian... she saw him suck his mouth plates in tight to his head.

Another round passed. The players discarded hands in disgust as Kaiden stood to scoop his pile of winnings. As the sniper had folded, his hawkish stare had been on Shepard's cards as he reclined. He couldn't help but notice her winning hand when she conceded to her Lieutenant… eyebrows drew up when their gaze connected. She winked. Ah, he figured it out. Months of sharing the battlefield meant they didn't need words to communicate - the two of them had had an instant connection. Thinking back across the whole ordeal… she hadn't asked him to do anything a certain way since their second ground mission. He just recognized what she wanted and did it. They were an effortless team, and even her fellow N7 candidates didn't make it as easy as he did. Shepard patted Garrus's pauldron affectionately.

"Uh oh, the Savior of the Citadel is drying out over here men, another round!" Joker shouted. The cheer was a cacophony as pitchers of beer were passed around and glasses were filled.

Engineer Adam's voice pierced the den."Who's like us?!"

"Damn few!" Followed by a litany of stomping and hollering from the soldiers.

"Who's like us?!"

"Damn few!"

Anyone who witnessed wouldn't soon forget the beaming grin Shepard wore. Someone presented her with a shot glass that she drained with a flourish, and her beer followed.

She saw Tali and Liara's forms elbowing their way closer through the crowd. "Trouble, at 0600." The table occupants turned to look.

"It's your reckoning now Shepard," Wrex blew out a smoke curled breath. She rested her forehead in her palm.

"Yeah and too late for a tactical retreat," she leaned over and took a big gulp of Joker's beer.

"HEY! Anyone here will buy you one, you don't have to take mine ya know," he admonished.

"Aww I'm sorry, lemme make it up to you," she grabbed his head with both hands, turned it and kissed him on the cheek. It left a perfect purple lipstick print. Kaiden's Adam's Apple bobbed as he swallowed, and Wrex chuckled around his cigar.

"Eww gross Commander! Find someone with your own bone density to pick on... and stop trying to look at my cards!" He yanked his arm away. There was no trying. She definitely saw his cards. Just then Liara appeared next to the large Krogan's elbow... the corners of her mouth turned up at the flight Lieutenant's visage.

"Marking your territory Shepard?" The pale blue Asari grinned. Joker rolled his eyes.

"Better believe it. Should I do them all?" The N7 motioned to everyone at the table.

"Careful, I'll use tongue," the Krogan declared while regarding his cards. The rest of the booth was quiet except for Joker's sharp laugh.

"Shepard, you said you'd dance with us - you promised!" Tali implored with her accented, modulated voice. She grabbed the Turian's arm and pulled with little success. "Get up, Garrus, let her out. I'm not taking no for an answer again!" Her tone of consternation was hard to miss, despite her helmet.

"Fiiiine fine. Duty calls, lads," the Commander stood up to shimmy and tug her dress down, then motioned for her sniper to lean forward so she could crawl out behind him. While she squeezed out of the bench, she discreetly grabbed his talons to tap out hand signals into his palm. His hawk eyes bore into hers - he smirked. Ah. See, he got it. She followed her female shipmates through a winding sea of bodies. Shepard looked back and could tell Garrus had won the round with her bit of help - the animated finger pointing and angry faces of her friend's dragged a smile up that accompanied her out onto the floor.

The archeologist made a spot for the three. She placed her hands on her Commander's hips, behind her Tali slung her arms around her shoulders, and together the group giggled and shimmied to the beat, guiding their CO. Shepard allowed herself to enjoy an inebriated, girlie, sweaty, triumph-tinged, carefree moment with her teammates. Even though she'd been forced to change into it, Liara really picked out a lovely dress for her - black, high collared bodycon with a low open back and no sleeves. It was simple and very her... female friends were a wonder a career soldier rarely got - and a completely new experience. Tali had chosen a black with gold accented exo suit that had gold bangles jingling at the wrists and ankles with a different helmet shape than her usual. Liara herself wore the popular Asari style long bodycon in a glittering gold. Wait, they matched... huh. Shepard grinned.

Drinks and shots were plentifully offered, men came and went, dancing with them. Mostly Marines and crewmen with a smattering of Turians, Salarians, a Krogan, and even a Hanar joined in. Shepard wasn't sure which tentacles were considered its hands or not but took two and gyrated happily until her companions each took a tentacle and joined in too - their laughter had her gasping for breath and wiping a mirthful tear from her cheek .

At one point the C-Sec officer from Chora's Den shocked her speechless when he suddenly stalked up behind her. What was his name again? Something with a C...Chellick! His talons were at her waist and he bent to purr something low into her ear just as the crowd around her table roared with mirth.

"What?" She asked loudly over the commotion.

"I said, 'I hear I owe the great Commander Shepard my life,'" his plates pulled back to smile. "I'm here to say thanks personally, for me, and for my men."

"Oh, you are quite welcome, Detective. Unfortunately, I assume the Council won't be following your lovely example," she made a show of looking around for the three politicians as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

He laughed, "If you ever got so much as a thank you from any of them, I'd swallow my tongue."

A somber mood settled in her chest."You're right. But, I hope they at least realize the amount of good soldiers I sentenced to death for them." She'd said it quietly, but his grip tightened. He'd heard.

"With Pallin's untimely demise they have promoted me to Executor... so I'll be sure to remind them every chance I get," he grabbed her hand, spun her out away from him and in with an aptitude that brought back her levity. "In the meantime, what can I do to repay you?" He lowered his mouth to her ear.

"That's unnecessary Chellick, I was only doing my job. You appreciate how we soldiers are - minimalists," she insisted. He made a 'tsking' sound.

"What would the first human Spector ask of the Executor? She could surely ask anything," he inhaled sharply at her neck and his flanging voice had dropped an octave. Suddenly his warm gloved palm on her bare lower back sent a wave of gooseflesh along her body. Oh. Oh. Oooooooh.

"Chellick, are you hitting on me?" She was mystified; considering any Turian that way had never occurred to her before.

"Oh, finally - yes of course," he let out a deep, dual toned chuckle. Her confusion must have been blatant. He continued, "Commander, any man, woman, or otherwise in here would kill to bring you home with them," he pulled her flush with him and his other hand snaked up to drag through the scant few inches of her grown out fohawk. Even gloved, the talon-tips on her scalp sent shivers down her spine, and his breath was hot on her neck. It had been awhile. Fuck. Her synapses were firing in alcohol molasses but the height, the teeth, and voice registered. Her skin pebbled again. "I am just the first brave enough to admit it," his eyes flickered to her right for a second. Her head darted to look on instinct.

Shit.

30ft away at the bar was Garrus Vakarian. Staring right at her. Her. In Chellick's arms. Her face burned... this must be what it felt like to get caught by your parents. Wait, that reaction made zero sense even to her. Tali and Liara were still dancing nearby, giving each other looks. Her sniper jerked his head to the side, motioning to the door. She tried to blink aside her intoxication. Unsuccessfully.

"I'm exceptionally flattered, Chellick, really."

"But," he pulled back a bit.

"But I am way too drunk to go home with anybody tonight," she patted his armored chest. "Give me your extranet address," he gave her a skeptical look for a second, then sighed.

"Sure Shepard," he let her go to type on his omni-tool. "If you change your mind or sober up, I'll be at Purgatory - that's where the C-Sec version of this party is happening. Come find me," he bowed his chin and left.

She turned and excused herself from her two original companions, pointing to the bar. Garrus was gone though. The soldier swiveled around, he generally stuck out - tall as he was. Man, was her head spinning. She found him standing in the shadows outside the front entrance, partially down a side walkway.

"You realize that visor gives you away, right?" She leaned on the wall next to him.

He hummed. "I wasn't exactly trying to hide. If I decided to stalk you, you certainly wouldn't find me."

"Nobody stalks Commander Shepard, she is too fast." She stumbled and her ankle rolled painfully in her heels. "Ah shit, these things are so stupid." She bent and pulled off both shoes with a groan. Being 4 inches shorter felt great, she wiggled and stretched her feet appreciatively. He was regarding her out of the corner of his eye.

"Commander Shepard was prey tonight. Whether or not she knew it." He spoke softly... thankfully. Her hearing had not yet adjusted to the quiet atmosphere outside, and without the raging heat of bodies, her skin was frigid. Her brow furrowed, trying to understand what he was saying through the alcohol haze. She swayed again. Her eyes focused on a hydro pod... being held in front of her. She touched it… it was still ice cold.

"Oh Big Guy, you are ACE!" She took it and kept it to her lips, imbibing quickly. He brought out another for her to drink. "No Shepard without Vakarian for sure," she mumbled. He was watching her sharply. "To be honest, I am absolutely knackered. If there isn't puke and a blackout at some point tonight, I'll be surprised."

"I figured as much," Garrus snorted.

"Wait, did you mean I was Chellick's prey?" She asked. He did that sucking in thing with his mandibles again. "Ah, he's fine. He isn't the type to do anything I don't want."

He moved in front of her."With all due respect, you can't hear our sub-vocals, Shepard. What he said with his mouth might have seemed gentlemanly, but the vocal tones were anything but."

She rolled her eyes and mumbled something about men across species.

"If you are so bothered by it why not come rescue me?" She poked him in the chest a few times. He turned his head away.

"The Savior of the Citadel doesn't need anyone to fight her battles for her," he sighed.

"Damn straight! You are smart, Vakarian. The Butcher of Torfan is no one's prey," she leaned back into the wall and stretched her arms. He had taken one step closer while she spoke. Faster than her addled brain comprehended, he snatched her limbs while they were up and caged her against the wall with his other hand just above head.

"No one's prey," his voice was low. She felt his thrumming tones through the armor pressed into her breast. "...you know nothing about Turians, Commander."

Holy shit. It was happening again on level 10 this time - every pore on her body was at attention instantly. His husky words EMP'd her nervous system all the way to her core.

Her world spun faster as Garrus buried his head in the crook of her neck and inhaled.

"You stink of him even just in that short moment, Shepard. You've no idea of his intentions. You humans are like fledglings, no sense of smell, no hearing."

Wait. There was a talon pulling her collar down low, and an impossibly hot, wet, lave from her clavicle up to the shell of her ear. Holy shit, hooooly FUCK. Her breathing ramped up erratically in response. His tongue was long and rough against her pulse. Wait, what was this? Was this some Turian thing? Was this flirting? Did he appreciate what this meant, what this was doing to her?

"Va...Vakarian... don't you dare... start something you have no intentions of finishing," she stammered with a brain that wouldn't compute and a tongue that was suddenly too dry to work. He dragged himself from her neck and smirked.

Yeah, he fucking knew exactly what he was doing. Of course he did.

"I'm warning you, I won't take kindly to being worked up twice in one night."

"Oh, so he got you going," he was watching her owlishly.

"I... didn't realize what was happening for an embarrassingly long time," she spoke sheepishly. "I don't have a fetish either if that's what you are thinking. But I didn't chase Chellick down a dark alley, kick my shoes off, and trust him to take care of my drunken ass, did I?" He released her, his gaze refusing to stray, and took an audible breath.

"Nope. Chellick didn't stand by my side trying to stop a rogue Specter. Chellick didn't help me get my own Specter title. He didn't follow me into every ridiculous firefight, no questions asked. And he wasn't at my six when Saren killed himself, only to be used as a puppet by an ancient sentient death machine," Shepard spat the last part as if it left a bad taste. She then tucked her arms inside his cowl.

"I hope you aren't feeling guilty about that. He chose the only route he could to keep any honor. I think he was brave. No one else in this galaxy will remember him that way but you, me, and Wrex." His voice was soothing. Familiar. She stared at him, eyes flitting back and forth over her friend.

Finally she nodded. "You're right."

They stood in silence looking at one another for some time. The N7 pulled her arms from him and continued stretching her feet absently, looking anywhere but at her sniper.

"You got your next assignment, didn't you," he watched her cringe. "You did! When were you going to tell me?"

"Oh, you know, right now was the plan," the never-flustered Commander Shepard was picking at her nails. He chuckled, rich and low.

"I'm not sure the Council is buying it, even though a god-damned Reaper was here, IN THE FLESH, trying to murder them. They want me to go search out any remaining Geth pockets and take care of them."

"No wonder you think they don't believe you. It's an obvious waste of our time. We should be preparing for the rest of them!"

"You're right. It will be easy stuff - I'm sure we will be back in a few months. I'll drop Wrex and Tali off while we are out. But I intend for this to only waste my time. This'll be perfect for you to reapply for Specter candidacy," her eyes were imploring.

"But Shepard," his mandibles were flickering; that was a doubt thing.

She forged ahead. "I recommended you again at my Council meeting. I forwarded the official documents yesterday, you'll hear soon. At least, you'd better - because I pointed right at Sparatus and told him if he didn't pick you he was a damn fool and I'd be...remorseful... that I saved his skinny ass."

Garrus let out a boisterous laugh."You didn't! Did you get a holo of his face? Please tell me you did."

"I... may have set my omni-tool to record from my headset while I was in there… how many C-Sec laws did that break?"

"None, if you show it to me."

"I'll send it to you but you'd better triple encrypt it," her expression turned serious. "What I am hoping for most... is that your presence here, where it matters, will keep the heat on about the Reapers. Since we walked out of the rubble of the Citadel Tower you and Wrex have been in every news cast I've been in. People recognize you, your face, your opinions. If you squawk loud enough, it'll publicly pressure the Council. With Wrex going back to Tuchanka, you're the only person I can rely on."

"I'm not happy you'll be across the galaxy with no one to watch your back," he rubbed a palm over his foreplates and fringe.

"I'll still have Kaiden and Liara," she declared. Could Turians roll their eyes? She thought he just did.

"I understand... I'll stay. I'm no politician, but I'll do what I can. Once we are both Specters, we can combine our governments and our pull with the Council to get everyone ready for the fight." They clasped arms.

"Exactly. This way we will have a much better chance of saving this galaxy full of idiots, whether or not they like it."

"I'm gonna miss you, Shepard," his tone pulled hard at her heartstrings.

"Don't give me that look, Vakarian. I'll be back before you know it," she slapped him on the pauldron. "Now be a gentleman and take a girl home, wouldya?"


Commander Shepard's eyes blinked slowly open.

The N7 soldier was in an unfamiliar bathroom standing under a hot spray, forehead resting on the wall, listening to the lulling hiss of the surrounding water. There was no Garrus, no Dark Star, no boisterous celebration. Her normal ten minute shower routine had turned into forty in the quiet of her new suite on the SR2. That memory had been the last good time she'd had with everyone...before all their best laid plans went straight to hell in a white beam and empty void.

Seeing Joker and Chakwas again had been the first small light, the first bit of sense she could grasp onto in this new reality. It felt like she'd finally let out a breath since waking up on that operating table. She'd turned and there he was, better than she remembered! Walking, with no crutches! The lack of cast on his arm pushed home that it really had been two years since they'd last been together on the Normandy. Joker smiled at her exclamation when she turned, but he never did meet her eyes. He kept fidgeting with his hat and looking at the floor. Well, he'd never been the type to talk about his feelings she told herself. But his guilt furrowed his brow and hung his head in her presence, even as they stood together, hands hanging over the railing of the docking bay getting their first magnificent view of their new home in the Normandy SR2. Shepard had put a hand on his broad back and told him that she didn't blame him at all, but he had flinched like he'd been shot and dropped his face into his palms. Nothing else seemed appropriate to say in the foreboding shadow of his grief, so she just rested her head on his shoulder and hoped he could feel her sincerity. He eventually wrapped an arm around her waist and they stood, watching the etchers and painters put the finishing touches on the ship's name.

Dr. Chakwas had at least been the same as always. The easy smile that belied secrets, the kind motherly heart, the touch of sarcasm in her english accent. If the Doctor weren't wearing the Cerberus science uniform it would be like Shepard had never died. It was nice to forget, in her presence.

She tried to focus on bathing again but in the first quiet moment she'd had, her thoughts kept pulling inward - this time replaying the events of Freedom's Progress - Her and the Cerberus operatives fumbling around one another as they learned each other's battle rhythm, the thick silence of the empty colony, all unsettling evidence of life lived - but no life found. The footage of the Collector, Veetor's blatant panic, the shocked sound of Tali's voice through her helmet modulator... her distrust. It had been two years... in Shepard's mind, they had just been joking together in the mess a few days ago. No surprise a sisterly bond had morphed into fear, Tali didn't even trust that she was herself. Hell, neither did Shepard. Two years. What was the last thing I remember?

Yelling at Liara to get to an escape pod as the Normandy rocked hard and stumbled them... the crewmen darting around them through the flames... the silence of vacuum in the CIC. Staring up at an icy planet through the jagged hole ripped through her ship... the beam searing her home into pieces... the pop of Joker's arm breaking as she hauled him from the chair and over to the bridge lifeboat... No, it was the blaring alarm in her armor as she came to after being blasted out of the hull's remains. The recollection of the white planet brought her eyes closed against its bright glare. She heard the hiss over the screaming alarm of her suit… the memory of that sound sped her heart rate - behind her eyelids oxygen vented past her visor. She struggled to tighten the helmet to her neck seals but she lacked leverage while floating, couldn't twist far enough in the armor - her breath was rasping. She muted the depressurization alert and tried to calm her breathing, but instinct forced her to gasp raggedly... the sun broke over the horizon….

"Do you require assistance, Commander Shepard?" EDIs voice tore viscerally through the waking nightmare. Her eyes snapped open, and she heaved in a trembling gulp of humid air. The soldier's knees threatened to give out. She braced both palms on the slick metal of the shower stall while she continued struggling for breath.

"No, EDI," she answered weakly. There was a pause as if the AI would argue.

"Logging you out Commander."

"Fuck this," the soldier murmured to herself and lathered with shaky hands.

It was a few minutes later that she cursed, storming out of the bathroom and down the stairs still dripping wet. Shepard strode to her armor console and palmed the controls to bring up the full-length mirror. She stood in front of it, scrutinizing her body, running her hands from her waist over the swell of her hips, and cupped the oversized mounds of her breasts.

"Son-of-a-bitch!" She gasped, eyes tracing the cybernetic lines left along the skin in the reflection. She opened her mouth wide and ran her tongue over her teeth a few times. They were perfect... glaringly white, all in a row... nary a filling to be found.

"Holy Shit!" Holy SHIT. They'd... they'd turned her into Combat Barbie!

Her waist was smaller, her hips much rounder, her boobs?! HUGE. She'd been a B cup on a GOOD day! What in the nine hells... they were what? Cs? Ds? Her limbs were waif thin, her stomach more rounded, no trace of the muscle definition she'd once earned. Fuck, she had worked so hard for her soldier's physique! None of her scars were there either, like Torfan had never happened - like her brothers in arms' deaths were nothing. Barely a freckle marred her skin, other than the Cerberus induced cybernetic trails. Her hair hung down past her shoulder blades... God, she'd noticed the longer mop and thought her chest was bigger, but this was another level now that she saw it. Wait... was that a biotic implant she felt? She turned and caught sight of the little plate just inside the hairline - wait. WAIT. That ass looked familiar...

"MIRANDA!" She howled.

A scant few minutes later, a wet-haired and furious Commander stormed out of the lift, past Jacob sitting at the tables, and rounded into Miranda's office. He witnessed the loud inhale, and then further yelling even after the door had closed.

"LAWSON! WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!" Shepard slammed her palms onto the hard surface of the XOs desk. The Cerberus operative at least had the decency to look alarmed. Was that the first emotion she had seen her wear? She'd file that hilarious countenance away to process later.

"What have I done, Commander? Other than give you life, I'm sure I've no idea what you are talking about," the XO answered.

"Are you kidding me, Lawson?!" Shepard punctuated her sentence by cupping her chest. "I'm pretty sure these aren't standard Alliance issue!" she hissed. "And this ass! It certainly isn't mine and certainly looks like your doing... no one will take a real life blow-up doll version of the 'Savior of the Citadel' seriously!"

"First, Commander, that ass is genetic perfection," Miranda answered darkly, stood, and glared right back at her. "Second, it's not like you had done a full nude Fornax spread with all your measurements conveniently in the side bar! I had pictures of your face, I had vids of you in armor, and your Alliance dossier - which only had your height. We improvised, I went with what I know." She gestured up and down at her own impeccable form and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "And I assure you, everyone takes me very seriously."

"This is nuts… this... I'm going insane, what kind of afterlife IS this?! Did I go to hell? It was Torfan, wasn't it? God dammit!" Shepard muttered while threading her hands through her tresses and pulling as she spun and marched out of the office.

"For the record, you are very much alive Commander, I made sure of that!" Miranda shrilled after her. The N7 grumbled under her breath and smashed the button for the elevator. Jacob was standing now with his mug in his hand, looking panicked and swiveled back and forth deciding if he should run or stay to intervene. She made a note to file away the face he was making for later too. Someday, this would just be another funny war story.

"Joker!" She barked out over her com.

"Yes Commander?"

"What's our ETA to Omega?"

"About 5 hours Commander."

"Oh thank God, maybe I can get some sleep and wake up from this bad dream," she grumbled more to herself.

"Don't appreciate the new lung protectors, Shep?" he replied with a disgusting amount of cheer. She snorted.

"I'm not ready to laugh about it yet Joker, try me again later."

"Roger that, Commander." The line cut with what sounded like the beginnings of laughter from the pilot. The murderous leer Shepard shot at Jacob made him hightail it out of sight. The elevator slid open.

"EDI, wake me when we get to Omega."