Anakin was so excited for Sienna's surprise that he could hardly sleep. He lay on his bunk, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what it might be. When Sienna said she had a surprise, it was always something super cool. Like the time she had brought him power converters for his pod-racer, or the time she had found a tooka wandering the desert and brought it back for him to see.
But they were up in space right now, so it couldn't be something like that. What could it be?
His imagination kept him up long into the night cycle, and when he did eventually manage to fall asleep it was only to wake again two hours later with tears in his eyes and a terrible ache in his chest.
He missed his mom.
The first few days of freedom had been so new and exciting that he had slept well and hadn't even thought about her. But now it had been a week, and everything was still new and exciting, but it was also becoming familiar. For the first time since leaving Tatooine, he had a dream about home, about Kitster and Watto and podracing, but most of all about his mother. She was singing that song she liked, the one about rain in the desert, while he tinkered with C-3PO.
Anakin sat up, wrapping his arms around himself. He shivered, the chill of space reaching him even through the extra blanket Sienna had found for him. He tugged the covers up to his chin, trying to keep the heat in, but it escaped out the back of his blanket no matter how much he tried to keep the edges over his shoulders.
He wanted his mom. But she wasn't here.
The boy sniffled and rubbed his nose in the blanket. He needed a hug.
Anakin slipped out of bed and padded to the door to his little room, taking the blanket with him. It was quite long, and the edges dragged on the floor as he wrapped it around his shoulders like a cape. The door whooshed open when Anakin waved at it, and he poked his head out into the hallway. It was mostly dark, lit only by the soft glow of the safety lights, and it was completely quiet save for the hum of the ship itself. He reached out into the Force, trying to feel for Sienna and see if she was awake. He noticed two presences: Sienna's spikey, sturdy one, and Obi-Wan's quiet, fizzy one.
Obi-Wan's force-signature was confusing to Anakin. It was bright, like Sienna's and Qui-Gon's - Sienna had said that Force-sensitive people feel brighter than Force-null people - but it was also quiet in a way that Anakin didn't know how to describe. Sienna's signature was always swirling with splashes of shapes and colors, impressions and emotions. She didn't project her feelings, not like Anakin did, but if you looked they were always right there where he could read them. That was one of his favorite things about the Force. It was like an extra way of seeing or hearing. He could watch Sienna's face and listen to her words to learn how she was feeling, but he could also sense the colors in the Force around her. He liked that. Words and expressions could be confusing, because sometimes you don't have good words to say how you feel, but the Force was clear. It was like a universal language.
But Obi-Wan's signature wasn't like that. Anakin never knew what Obi-Wan was feeling. There weren't bright colors in his Force-signature. His was like a pod-racing track when no one was there, quiet in a way that felt strange and disorienting. Every now and then Anakin would notice a sharp spike of orange frustration, or a splash of pink amusement, but they would last only a second and disappear again. Like a light flashing through a crack in a wall, just enough to catch your attention but not there long enough to be a proper source of light.
Anakin wondered if maybe Obi-Wan was doing shields wrong. Sienna said that shields were to keep your thoughts to yourself, so that people couldn't read them. Maybe Obi-Wan accidentally made it so that his shields hid his feelings too. Maybe he didn't realize he had done it wrong. That was ok, everybody makes mistakes. Maybe Anakin should alert Obi-Wan to this mistake, so that he could fix his shields and let the colors out into his Force-signature.
The other thing Anakin noticed was that Obi-Wan always felt a little bit fizzy. He felt strong, like Sienna did, and they both were quick and smart, but while Sienna felt sure and sturdy, Obi-Wan felt just a little bit unsure. Like he knew he could do things, but also was always afraid to do them wrong. And like he was always waiting for something bad to happen. There was just a hint of fizzy energy on the edge of Obi-Wan's signature almost all the time. Anakin knew what that was like, he felt like that whenever he was at Watto's shop or out walking through Mos Espa. He didn't feel fizzy when Sienna walked with him though, or when he was at home with his mom. Maybe Obi-Wan felt fizzy because he was alone here without his friends and without Mister Qui-Gon. But Sienna was strong and smart and safe, and Obi-Wan didn't need to worry, because she could fix anything. Perhaps Anakin should tell him that too. It seemed like Sienna and Obi-Wan got along well, so maybe they would be friends and then Obi-Wan wouldn't have to be fizzy anymore.
Obi-Wan's force-signature dimmed somewhat, and Anakin realized he must have fallen asleep. Which reminded him that he himself wasn't asleep, and that the reason he wasn't asleep was because he missed his mom, and that he wanted a hug, and therefore needed to find Sienna.
He stepped out into the hallway. The door whooshed closed behind him. Anakin took a few steps forward, intending to go to Sienna's room and knock on her door, but a sharp tug made him fall on his butt. Startled, he looked behind him, and saw that his blanket had gotten caught in the door when it shut.
Normally that would not be a big deal. But Anakin was tired and stressed and homesick and cold, and his blanket getting stuck was the last straw. The tears that had been drying started up again, flowing down his cheeks in thick streams, and he curled up in a ball on the floor and cried.
A door down the hall hissed open.
"Ani?" Sienna's voice, soft and thick with sleep, floated down the hall.
He didn't bother looking up, instead choosing to curl up even more tightly.
Soft, almost silent footsteps padded over and came to a stop next to him. He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, and he shivered under the warm touch.
"Ani, what's wrong?"
He peeked out from under the arm he had tucked over his face. Sienna was crouching beside him, brow furrowed in worry and Force-signature echoing it.
"I miss my mom," he whimpered. He was too tired to think about the fact that he looked like a baby, all teary and sniffly on the floor.
Sienna's expression softened, and she reached over and started rubbing soothing circles on his back. "I know, kiddo. Are you having trouble sleeping?"
A nod.
"Do you want to come sleep with me tonight? Would that help?"
He nodded again, then paused. "What about your belly?"
That earned a soft laugh. "Don't worry about that."
She lifted her other hand and he heard another whoosh, and then she tugged him up onto his feet. His blanket had been freed from the door.
They walked to Sienna's room, which was exactly the same as Anakin's room, except that her armor was piled in one corner. He climbed onto the bunk and tried to untangle his blanket, but ultimately gave up and let Sienna straighten it out. When that was done, she flicked off the lights with a wave of her hand and settled on the bunk too, lying on the outward facing side with her back to the door, sandwiching Anakin in the space between the wall and her body.
If anything came through the door, it would have to go through Sienna before getting to Anakin, and that made him feel safe.
Sienna lifted an arm, inviting Anakin in to snuggle, and he gladly shuffled closer. He was careful with his knees, to make sure he didn't jab her stitches like he had with his elbow earlier.
"Good night, vod'ika," she whispered.
That was a Mando word Anakin knew. Little brother. He hummed, nestling closer to absorb more of her warmth.
He still missed his mom. But here, he felt like everything was going to be ok.
"I will train him then."
Sienna turned and found herself in a room she had never seen before. She stood at the edge of the chamber, near the door. Around the room were several chairs, occupied by beings she had never met, but all were clad in traditional Jedi robes. In the center of the room stood three people she recognized- Qui-Gon the farthest from her, Obi-Wan standing in a Padawan's traditional place behind and to the right of his Master, and Anakin just in front of both.
Qui-Gon stepped forward and rested his hands on the boy's shoulders. "I take Anakin as my Padawan Learner."
Sienna felt something sharp in the Force, like a spear burrowing through flesh. It was gone as soon as it appeared, yanked back behind shields of durasteel, but Obi-Wan's eyes betrayed him. The Force whispered, dragging Sienna closer, though her feet hadn't moved.
Look, the Force insisted. See.
She stared into Obi-Wan's eyes. She'd never noticed what color they were, but this close she could see the many shades of blue and grey. An overwhelming feeling of pain, confusion, and panic crashed over her.
What is he doing? Obi-Wan's voice echoed in her mind. He can't- what about me?
And then she was no longer looking at Obi-Wan's eyes, but through them. She was Obi-Wan, with all of his thoughts and feelings. He tightened his fingers around his wrists where they were hidden in his sleeves, willing his posture to remain calm and humble. A thousand anxious thoughts were flitting through his mind, swimming around and around within his shields, like frenzied sharks trapped in a fishtank.
"He doesn't want me anymore," one of the sharks hissed. It lashed its tail and dove to Obi-Wan's chest, its fins cutting through the bones of his ribcage and into his heart. Rejection dripped from the wounds, thick and sticky, oozing like blood off a knife.
"He never did," replied another shark, and it joined the first, slicing fresh marks as it swam.
A different shark, this one calmer, swam in lazy circles. "The Council won't allow this," it whispered. "They'll tell him no. He already has a Padawan." The shark swam to a corner of Obi-Wan's mind, to where he and Qui-Gon were tethered together by a training bond. It hovered there a moment, hesitating. It wanted to send a question mark, but it wasn't sure it should.
"An apprentice you have, Qui-Gon," said a little green Jedi. "Impossible to take on a second."
"The Code forbids it," agreed the man to his left.
"Obi-Wan is ready," Qui-Gon said.
"I am ready to face the trials." Obi-Wan stepped forward boldly, quick to support his Master, and also eager to prove (perhaps to himself) that he wasn't merely being cast aside. He was ready.
"Our own council we will keep on who is ready."
Obi-Wan clasped his hands together again, trying to hide the sting of that statement. Did the Council not think he was ready?
"He is headstrong, and he has much to learn of the Living Force, but he is capable," Qui-Gon said.
Obi-Wan bowed his head as his Master spoke, feeling his heart sink lower with every word. That was hardly a raving review of his abilities.
"There is little more he can learn from me," Qui-Gon finished.
Obi-Wan glanced up. Oh, Master, are you really so desperate to get rid of me? He wondered to himself. Qui-Gon's words were a cop-out, tinged with desperation to get his own way and ensure the boy would be trained. They weren't the words of a Master advocating for the prowess of their Padawan.
Qui-Gon glanced back as well, perhaps sensing some of Obi-Wan's feelings, but he said nothing over the bond. No word of comfort or encouragement, just the steel of stubborn determination.
"Young Skywalker's fate will be decided later," said the green Jedi.
"Now is not the time for this," the other man said, again picking up where the first had left off.
Obi-Wan was barely listening now, and barely holding himself together. He took a deep breath, but the sharks in his chest dug their fins deeper.
He would not cry in front of the Council. He would NOT. He focused every ounce of his energy towards keeping his shields locked tight and keeping his posture more or less collected while the Council members spoke of the continuing mission.
"May the Force be with you," the green Jedi said by way of dismissal.
Obi-Wan bowed to the Council and strode out of the room as quickly as he could manage without being disrespectful. He wasn't fleeing. He WASN'T.
But he also couldn't stand to be in that room another second.
"See," the calm shark murmured as the door whooshed shut, "the Council won't have it."
"Doesn't matter," cried the two in Obi-Wan's chest, "doesn't matter. He doesn't want me. He never wanted me. I tried to please him, but I wasn't enough. This boy, this boy has done nothing, and yet Qui-Gon wants him. I tried, I tried. I'm not enough. Never enough. He doesn't want me."
The blood on the two sharks' fins dripped into a pool that grew and stretched into the shape of another shark. "That boy," hissed the new red shark, "what has he done to earn Qui-Gon's approval? He's no one. Why should Qui-Gon love him?"
"The boy is dangerous," mused the calm one. "The Council agrees."
The red one gnashed its teeth. "The boy is nothing, no one. He's not even a Jedi youngling. How dare he take my Master from me?"
Obi-Wan shook his head, trying to dispel the red shark, ashamed of thinking such thoughts. It shrunk back, but didn't disappear entirely. It moved to a shadowy corner of his mind to lay wait.
He took a breath, and tried to release the two blue ones as well. He offered them up to the Force, but the sharks slipped through it like sand through fingers and burrowed back into his chest.
"He doesn't love you," they whimpered.
"Be quiet," Obi-Wan snapped. He pushed them away, deeper within himself, under a trapdoor of durasteel. Their cries became dim murmurings.
Sienna awoke with a gasp, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. Anakin snuffled against her collarbone and she instinctively wrapped her arms tighter around him. Her chest still ached with the pain of the dream, but the feeling slowly faded as she breathed and remembered herself.
What was that? Was it a vision of some kind?
The Force lapped against her conscious. Don't worry, it murmured. Don't worry.
Sienna huffed at that. If you don't want me to worry, don't show me worrying things.
She could have sworn she heard the Force chuckle. She made a face, glaring into the dark, but the Force just lapped against her mind again and swept away the last of the ache.
"I hope you don't make a habit of this," she muttered, resting her chin on Anakin's hair and letting her eyelids drift shut. Visions weren't her thing. She'd rather leave that to the Masters, let them puzzle out the nonsensical images and vague messages.
The Force simply chuckled again.
