A/N: I did it! I managed to pull out a chapter on time! Sweet mercy me, I'm so happy. This one is a lot more light-hearted than the previous two. The fanfic mentioned towards the end of this chapter is a real life fanfiction by the amazing Star Charter. It's her fic 'Scooby-Doo Where Are Yu-Yu?' and it is totally worth the read. It's short, funny, and definitely the best written crackfic I've read in a long ass time. I'm not sorry for recommending it and if you read it, please let her know that you enjoyed it.


The lake house's central air was doing its best work, spilling cool air into the living room to combat the upper nineties before humidity that raged outside the walls. Even still, the three occupants drank their tea iced, wore shorts and short-sleeved shirts. Hunks of citrine, obsidian, and rose quartz lined the window sills, casting shadows against the pulled curtains. Bundles of cinnamon sticks, birch twigs, dried basil, lavender sprigs, and sage leaves were wrapped in black yarn and tied to the door knobs so that they hung on the outside of the doors. Black salt lined the doorways on the inside, and also the windowsills for an added layer of protection. Victoria, in rare form, sat with her fingers layered in rings of various stones set in an array of metals. Around her neck she wore her protective necklace.

Hiei occupied the easy chair, eyes closed and hands folded on his stomach as he dozed idly. His legs were cast over one of the arms. He looked like the poster child for "Lazy Sunday" even though it wasn't Sunday and he was probably the most active member of the household. Victoria often questioned how he found the energy to do his morning and evening runs on top of his side hustle and the fact he turned anything he could into weight lifting equipment. She'd found him doing leg presses with her couch just two days prior, the edge of the long end of the couch balance on his feet. At this point, she wasn't even invested in correcting him on such behavior so long as he didn't break anything.

A green bandaid carved a jarring line across Victoria's forehead, the bandage covering the special salve Grams had made for her to wear over the spot Dorian had kissed on her months ago. It was meant to penetrate and undo whatever sadistic marking he'd left on her. Victoria didn't feel particularly different, but she went through the motions anyway. It made Grams feel better. Kurama sat at her side his eyes glued to the television which demanded both their attentions.

"Is he seriously going to continue trust this Wong woman? How did she even get into the secured facility? Why hasn't he questioned that?" Kurama complained, gesturing toward the screen. "Is he foolish?"

"Historically? Yes. Very." Victoria acknowledged. "Ada Wong is Leon's stupid blind spot. I don't get it. I mean, she screams untrustworthy to me. I think it's the heels and sunglasses."

Hiei cracked one eye open to glance her way with a scowl at the mention of sunglasses. Victoria happened to catch the look and she rolled her eyes.

"Not that sunglasses mean someone is inherently not to be trusted." She tacked on. Hiei went back to his nap. "But who wears a dress and heels during a zombie outbreak? You can't seduce a zombie."

"Apparently it's tactical attire meant to ensnare stupid police officers." Kurama pointed out.

"Can't blame a rookie for wanting some nookie." Victoria sighed. "I think we're coming up to the end game-Fuck. Is that Birkin? I hate this guy! Die already! How many times am I going to have to teach you this lesson old man?!"

"At least it's not that leather wearing menace." Kurama offered.

"Mr. X is the worst and that's a hill I'm more than willing to die on."

"Video games have improved drastically in quality in this world. The graphics alone are mind-boggling. The fact you can play with a controller that isn't attached via wire is something else all together. You can just pull games from the internet onto your home console and then play them back on the same internet with friends you've never met. Miraculous." The redhead leaned forward to study the screen in awe. "There is so much detail."

"I love how much you appreciate things K-drama. It makes me appreciate them too."

"Can you two shut up and turn that off already? I want to watch Game of Thrones. I want to see what Khaleesi and the Lannister woman do next." Hiei's eyes remained closed as he spoke, his languid posture remaining intact despite his harsh tone. "Do you think those dragons will come here? Seems odd they haven't already. This place seems week and ripe for the taking."

"Hiei I told you, it's a fictional show. They aren't real." Kurama sighed heavily.

"Neither were we until some months ago."

Kurama didn't have a response for that, so he just clamped his mouth shut and inhaled sharply. Assessing Hiei offered few clues into whether or not the shorter man was being serious.

"Hiei wants to watch Game of Thrones." Kurama announced instead.

"I'm going to go with a big ole no on that front K-dawg. The last time he binged that show I came home from a job to a bonfire in my yard and had to stop him from testing whether or not fire could burn a dragon."

"It was just a theory." Hiei remarked lazily.

"I want to finish this campaign so I can start Claire's." Victoria pointedly ignored Hiei and his remarks, instead focusing on this last leg of her gaming session. "I've heard she's highly relatable."

"Claire being the blonde from the beginning? The one who was obviously flirting with Leon?" Kurama asked and when he received confirmation, he nodded. "I liked her. She is a playable character then?"

"Hell yeah she is."

"I'm looking forward to that."

"Do you want to play some? You haven't asked." Victoria paused the game setting her controller down on her lap so she could stretch her arms above her head. She twisted to pop her back and Kurama pulled a face that betrayed his dislike of the sound of her spine crackling like bubble wrap.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah man, I'll create a profile for you. I want you to have a good time but I don't want you saving over my game. That'll mean immediate exile." She shrugged as she got to her feet. "It's time for a break though."

Hiei heard the word break and swung himself to his feet, marching over to swipe the remote from the living room table. He switched inputs and immediately dove into the on-demand service so he could watch his shows. Victoria sort of regretted showing him to operate the TV, as it tended to give him ideas, but she couldn't deny it also kept him occupied.

Living with Hiei was like living with a willful toddler sometimes. And like any tired parent, when she needed a break, she parked him in front of the TV.

Kurama pulled himself from the couch to follow Victoria as she wandered toward the kitchen.

"Today is definitely a self-care sort of day." She leaned into the fridge to examine it's contents. "But it is also very much so a lazy day. What to do?"

"I had a question." Kurama rested against the bar counter between stools, his elbows supporting him as he watched her rummage.

"Is it about lunch, because if so I don't have an answer. I'm thinking about ordering a pizza." Blue eyes glanced at the back of Hiei's spiky haired head. "Or three."

"No, it's not about lunch."

"It's too hot to cook right? I mean, I think it's way too hot. But we gotta eat." She straightened and put her hands on her hips. "I think pizza is the right call."

"Pizza sounds good." Kurama frowned despite his agreement. "Victoria, about my question."

He noticed that she glanced at him then away quickly.

"What do you want on your pizza?" She asked instead of acknowledging his second request. "We should all get our own, right? That way the human trashcan over there doesn't have to share his food and neither do we."

Hiei flipped her off over the back of the couch, not bothering to turn around.

"I'll decide in a moment." Kurama informed her. "Why are you being so evasive?"

"Am I?" She still wouldn't quite look at him.

"Quite."

"I don't want to talk about the other day, Kurama. Don't ask me." She leveled him with a look that spoke of her immense exhaustion. She'd avoided talking about the Dorian incident and her walk between planes as much as possible. When Kurama had asked her the day before how she was feeling she'd told him she was fine and not to ask her again for a while.

But that's when she'd put the salt lines down and situated the bundles of herbs and lined up the rocks on her windowsills.

Grams had said it was all basically a protective filtering system for Victoria. She was depleted of her natural energy, as Hiei had suggested, and therefore was far more susceptible to the aspects of her life she'd been able to keep at bay. Emotions, in particular, hit her harder. And negative energy made her queasy. The outside world was full of both so Victoria hadn't bothered leaving the house since. Well, except to feed Abraham. That was a conversation Kurama wanted to have with her, now that he was reminded, because naming a damn kappa and keeping like a pet simply was not going to end well for anyone.

"It's not about the other day." Kurama told her instead of starting that particular fight. "It's about something I came across on Tumblr."

"I can't believe you use that hellsite." Victoria sighed, her caution gone the way it came. Within seconds she was back to herself, offering Kurama a wry grin and a shake of her head. "What did you learn?"

"Well. It's about these memes I've been seeing." Kurama always over emphasized the word memes and it always made Victoria smile. He slowed down when he said it, the word a little slippery for his tongue. "I thought the US was predominantly a monotheistic country. Christian majority."

"I mean, that used to be true. We actually have a lot of religions here. That's sort of the part of the whole shtick." She explained with a hand gesture. "Why are we discussing the religious melting pot of this country though?"

"Well. I was wondering, because in my world, things were different. I've seen a lot of lauding of this new god recently and I'm curious as to when he became prominent. I've never heard of him before."

"New god?"

"Yes. Well, new to me at least. You're likely far more familiar with him. This Shaggy creature." Kurama tipped his head to the side as Victoria stared at him. Her palm flew up to her face, and she hid behind her fingers for a long second. "What?"

"Shaggy isn't actually a god, Kurama." She spoke slowly trying to keep her laughter contained. It was good that Kurama came to her with these questions so he could gather a deeper understanding of the world he was apart of, she had to keep reminding herself that. Didn't mean stopped being fucking hilarious though. Just…she had to be careful how she responded. She didn't want him to stop coming to her. "Someone just took still shots from cast interviews of a pretty roughly done live action movie based on a cartoon from the 60s based on a mystery solving crew and their talking dog."

Kurama stared at her, then looked at Hiei, back to her, then to Hank who lay by the back door. His eyes flicked to her once again, settling there. Victoria saw the gears spinning behind his large green eyes. He was making connections and that was also hilarious. Her smile was hard to fight, and she was certain he saw it.

"To be clear, dogs do not in fact talk in this world, correct?"

"Correct Kurama."

He nodded. "Why would someone take the time to do this? Is the movie recent?"

"No, it's like fifteen years old."

"People in your time are so strange. They do the most unusual things for hobbies." He rolled his eyes.

"It's a form of escapism. My generation is one stressful day away from collectively leaving their bodies to return the void." Victoria explained. She received a dull stare from him like she always did when she used such strong hyperbole. "Relax foxy grandpa."

"I am not a grandfather."

"You literally just pulled a 'kids these days' on me. That's a very grandpa thing to say." She pointed out. "I don't make the rules dude. Might as well get yourself a pair of reading glasses and a plethora of ugly wool sweaters to go with your endless supply of high waisted khakis."

He frowned at her. "I'll take a vegetable pizza."

"Now whose being evasive." She pointed at him with a grin. "Veggie it is. Hiei! What kinda pizza do you want homeboy?"

Hiei, once summoned by the word pizza, spun on the couch so he was sitting on his knees on the cushions after pausing the episode he was watching. He faced the kitchen. Spicy chicken. Like last time.

"Buffalo chicken for Homeboy McSkillet. Veggie for K-drama. And I'll go with that sweet ass classic, extra pepperoni extra cheese." Victoria nodded and pulled out her phone. Hiei snapped his fingers to get her attention as she lifted it to her ear.

Wings. Barbecue. No celery. Garlic bread. The cheese kind.

"Are you paying or something?" Victoria demanded of him.

He glared at her, then got off the couch to go up the stairs. She rolled her eyes and started putting in their order. She ordered a second order of cheesy garlic bread for herself when Hiei reappeared from the top floor to throw a few twenties at her. He threw himself back onto the couch and resumed his show.

"Hey, is this for everyone or just you?" She asked him. When he didn't answer she pocketed the money and finished their order. Given that it would be about an hour before the food arrived she made up her mind.

While Hiei used up his sanctioned screen time for the day, allowing for a decent break from the video game, Victoria decided to refresh her hair. Lifting the purple out proved to be more stubborn than she'd figured. It really wanted to stay but her roots were too grown out and the color had lived on her scalp for too long. She wanted something fresh, new. After all, when faced with a life altering event you have no power to control the best path was always to change your hair as drastically as possible. So she shaved the sides down to a trim half-inch, trimmed her ends, and picked out her new color. Hair wrapped in a plastic cap, green band aid replaced with a neon blue one, Victoria ran down the stairs.

She made her way into the kitchen and began pulling things from her fridge. If she was going to sit there for thirty minutes letting the color process she would multitask with a face mask. Yogurt, honey, and peach. It would be so nice to feel refreshed for once. As she blended everything together in her food processor, Kurama came in from the backyard.

"I fed Abraham." He ground out the name with obvious annoyance. "I wanted to speak to you at some point about that reckless decision, by the way."

"You don't like the name?" She asked, knowing full well that he hated that she had given the kappa a name at all.

It was just fun to annoy him sometimes.

"I don't like that you've adopted a water spirit like it was a stray dog."

"Yeah. I know. It was sort of an in the moment decision. You know. From when I saved Ashland and Hiei and ripped its fucking arm off. You were there."

Kurama's strangled inward scream birthed a toothy smile from her. "What are you making? Is that a smoothie?"

"Oh. I mean. I guess it could be." She hadn't thought about that.

"Then what it is it? It smells good."

"It's a face mask." She explained. "It's good for your skin. Helps you feel nice and refreshed. I figured I could put one on while I waited for my hair to be done."

"Ah, yes. What are you doing to your hair?" He questioned. "I've never seen you wear that shower cap before."

"It's a processing cap. I'm recoloring it." Victoria explained. "I decided to change things up."

"You do that yourself?" His eyes widened. "I'm impressed. Shizuru went to school for that, you know. I didn't realize it was so easy."

"She could probably do it way better than I can. I just don't like paying someone else to do my hair. It gets pricey." After a heartbeat Victoria added. "When you get back home, tell her stories about me and my wild hair. I'd like to think she would appreciate my taste."

"Taste is a strong word."

"You can still end up homeless, you know that right?"

"May I join you for this face mask?" He switched the subject with a cheeky grin, gesturing to the mixture she was scooping into a bowl. The absence of sound from the TV brought both of their attention to Hiei, who approached them with curiosity.

"Seems like a strange mask." Hiei commented to Kurama. "I doubt it would really conceal your features at all."

"I think it's meant to be a beauty treatment, actually."

Hiei raised his eyebrow and then rolled his eyes. "Of course you'd want to partake then."

"You want to do one too?" Victoria asked Hiei. "It'll feel good. If your skin looks nice I bet the aunties will tip you more."

Hiei weighed the suggestion of more money in his pocket against the fact that Victoria was obviously trying to goad him into doing something that would make him look stupid. In the end his desire for cash won out, so he nodded. There was a pair of sunglasses he wanted to buy and they were actually fairly expensive. Victoria refused to allow him into the store without money ever since he'd suggested he could just steal them and save everyone the trouble. Apparently her not wanting to be banned from the mall meant more than his happiness, but whatever.

So, within a few minutes the three of them were back in the living room with the creamy, peach-scented substance slathered over their faces and necks. Victoria sat on the back of the couch behind Kurama, brushing his hair back and working it into a messy bun to sit atop his head so that the mask wouldn't get into his locks. Her work was slow because she kept stopping to take selfies with Kurama, and pictures of Hiei. She used just about every cute filter she could find on Snapchat, saving each photo to her gallery. Hiei's own hair was held away from his face by two hair clips. He'd taken to keeping it relatively short, though it still spiked wildly. Victoria wasn't opposed to the change actually. With his hair no longer at mind boggling heights, like some sort of drag Mrs. Frankenstein, Hiei's strong bone structure shone through.

She could practically hear the tormented sighs of fan girls across the entirety of the globe. It made her chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Kurama asked her. "Is there something in my hair?"

"Oddly no. I expected to find a few seeds, but nothing. There goes that theory." Victoria told him, amused. "Your hair is insanely thick, did you know that? Like. Dense thick. How do you not die in the heat?"

"It has been getting a little bothersome." He admitted. "I've considered cutting it down, but without a firm time line of when we'll be leaving, it's hard to go through with it. It would take forever to grow this back out."

"Didn't your hair grow like, fourteen inches in a year?" She asked him, trying to recall the tricky time line of the series.

"An exaggeration." He assured her.

There was a knock at the door and the three of them all stiffened. Hiei glanced to Victoria, who had frozen in place. Kurama's head was obviously forgotten as she stared at the door. When another set of knocks sounded, she jumped.

"We ordered pizza." She muttered under her breath, and swallowed. "That's right."

Kurama glanced behind him to eye her, saw the distress on her face, and then rose from his seat. He carried himself to the door and pulled it open. The teenager on the other side gaped at him, half-turned as though he were about to leave. A running car sat in the driveway, windows down. Even sitting still the thing made a bit of a racket. The boy swept his eyes down Kurama and then pulled them back up far more slowly. His cheeks burned a bright pink.

"Pizza?" He asked, awkwardly.

It was at that moment Kurama remembered he had his hair thrown up into a bun and a mask slapped onto his face.

"I'm not a woman, just so you know." Kurama stated in a rush, holding his hands up.

The boy's blush deepened. Victoria sidled up behind the redhead and extended a handful of money to the poor delivery boy. In a barely hushed tone she said, "I don't think he cares that you're a man, Kurama."

"Kurama. That's a cool name." The kid bobbed his head, glanced at Victoria, did some obvious mental calculus and then went on to offer a wide smile. "I'm Brett."

"Nice to meet you. The food?" Kurama loosely waved to the red thermal bag Brett the Delivery Boy carried. The bag which harbored their food. The same bag which would hopefully, once emptied, end this awkward moment for everyone.

"Oh! Right!" Brett pulled open the bag with the ripping sound of velcro filling the stifling heat. He extended the large amount of food.

When Kurama accepted the loud he was more than away that the kid brushed his fingers.

"Keep the change." Victoria told Brett with a smile that said she knew exactly what had just happened and she was endlessly amused by it.

"Right. Thanks for the tip. Bye Kurama." Brett rushed to his car and threw his empty carry bag inside before him.

"What the ever-loving fuck was that?" Kurama demanded as Victoria closed the door behind him.

Hiei grabbed his buffet of food and walked it all over to the living room table. He didn't seem at all concerned about the sudden uncouth language Kurama dropped. Victoria however, paused and gaped at him.

"I don't think I've ever heard you say fuck before. Have I? I don't think I have. That was amazing. Say it again."

"Hardly the conversation I want to have at the moment, Victoria. What was that?" He gestured to the door, confusion wrinkling his drying face mask.

"It was a teenage boy getting a hard-on for you." She explained.

The sheer perplexity on Kurama's face, his mouth opening then closing a few times, eyes squinting as his thoughts surged was too much for Victoria to handle. She began laughing and couldn't stop. The stress of the last few days had mounted and coiled her emotions too tightly. This snapped them entirely, allowing a floodgate to spill open. She slowly lowered herself to the ground, tears pouring down her cheeks. A clump of her face mask came loose, plopping onto the floor, and that only deepened her hysterical fit. Wheezing, she tried to catch her breath but when Kurama looked down at her, she lost it again, waving for him to back away from her. Kurama heeded her silent demand and took the remaining food to the kitchen, setting the boxes on the bar counter. He began eating his veggie pizza while he waited for this fit to pass.

It shouldn't have been that funny.

But it was suddenly was the funniest thing in the world.

After several more minutes of tears, a little drool, a lot of not breathing, and desperate attempts at straightening herself out, Victoria managed to calm herself down. The mask was pretty ruined, running down her neck and cheeks and staining her shirt. The oven timer buzzed loudly, announcing it was time for her to rinse her hair. She couldn't even find the will to get off the floor though.

"Could you turn that off for me?" She begged Kurama with a dizzy smile. "I'm lightheaded. My sides hurt. My god, I needed that."

"I don't understand what was so funny." He responded from the kitchen. "If he knew I wasn't a woman then-"

"He's fucking gay, Kurama. Keep up." Hiei managed to say before delving back into his chicken wings. Barbecue smeared over his yogurt coated cheeks, his hands caked with sauce. "Don't be homophobic."

"How am I being homophobic?! I'm just asking a question!" Kurama demanded, marching over to snap at Hiei. Victoria could hardly stand to look at the two of them, drying face masks cracking on the edges as they stared at each other. Kurama looked like a distraught housewife, hands on his hips as he hinged forward to fuss at Hiei. Hiei looked like his hapless husband, not particularly caring about the topic but trying his best to look Kurama in the face while being scolded. His attention kept wandering back to his food. "And where did all this knowledge of yours come from all of the sudden?"

Hiei nodded toward the TV.

"Oh great." Kurama tossed his hands in the air. "I really am a grandpa."

"Obviously." Hiei muttered. Kurama glared at him.

"It's fine, Kurama. But hey, at least he thought you were hot as a man. That's something right? And he saw you like that," Victoria flapped her hand to indicate his entire state of appearance. "You're a real heartthrob."

"I know you're picking on me, but it is actually nice. To this day men still mistake me for a woman. Even some women do." Kurama held his plate of pizza as he spoke. "I'm not sure I'm flattered though. I mean, he is just a boy."

"Yeah. It's good you're into bedding down kids. But I have a feeling the next time we call in a pizza order, Brett will be the one to rush on over here."

"Can't blame a rookie for wanting some nookie, isn't that what you said earlier?" Kurama asked Victoria who was climbing to her feet.

"I have to go wash my hair." Victoria couldn't look at him or she knew she'd just be down on the ground once again, gasping for air and choking on her own laughter-induced tears. "I'll see you fools after my shower."

"Don't scream when you see your reflection." Kurama advised in humored tone. "You look like a melted ice cream cone."

"Hey, fuck you too buddy."


"Still hungry, Hiei?" Vanessa eyed the shorter man as he sat in his easy chair, one knee pulled up so he could lean his elbow on it. His other foot didn't even touch the floor, which was good given the space surrounding the chair was covered with scattered, empty boxes and used napkins. The war zone depicted an epic lunch.

He shot Vanessa a dirty look. She had picked up on the fact that despite putting away enough food to supply a small village at any given moment, Hiei was actually a little sensitive about his appetite.

"Hiei, clean up you mess. I'm not a fucking maid." Victoria raced down the stairs, the words flying from her mouth without malice.

Hiei gestured that he'd do it after a nap.

"Now! You're going to attract flies. And also, Hank can't eat any of that. Put it in the trash outside." She shooed him, earning a grumble but reluctant compliance.

"You changed your hair." Vanessa reached over and brushed her fingertips through the teal strands. "I like it. You did better with the sides this time."

"I watched a tutorial." Victoria admitted with a laugh. The short hair underneath was a dark teal as were her roots. The longer strands on top of her head, pushed up and back from her face like a full-bodied and soft edged mohawk, faded from the darker color to nearly a sea-green at the ends. "Oh. So, these Shaggy memes are getting out of control. Kurama thought he was a legit deity."

"Don't let The Great Shaggy hear you dismiss him this way. He'll blink you from existence." Vanessa kept her expression serious with the dire warning. "It was nice knowing you. Oh! Speaking of weirdly topical Scooby stuff. I read that fanfic you sent me. It almost killed me, I hope you appreciate that. I almost died. You could have been implicated in my murder. Warn me before you do shit like that."

Victoria was too busy grinning like an idiot at her to be bothered by the near-miss.

"It's sort of disturbing how strangely accurate it seems right? Like, if it ever happened, that's how it would happen?" Victoria pressed. "Just. Imagine." She grabbed Vanessa by the shoulders and spun her to face Kurama who was pouring himself a glass of tea in the kitchen. "Imagine him meeting Scooby-Doo, Nessie. That man, right there. Seducer of pizza boys. Handler of Hiei. Facing down a talking dog."

Kurama straightened and turned to stare at them both with raised eyebrows. "I'm sorry, my ears must be deceiving me, Victoria. I thought I just heard you say that you were reading one of those fictional, fan written stories about me?"

Blue eyes flashed wide, her mouth slamming closed. Vanessa leaned back into Victoria's hands as thought to press herself away from the leering redhead. Her brown eyes were saucers as well, her mouth forming shapes as though she was attempting to formulate a passable argument.

"You still read these fictional stories about us?" Kurama demanded. "After you specifically told me to avoid them? You said you only read them when we were fictional to you as well, but now we are real. Incredibly real. We live with you. You know, dear Victoria, in the house that you have to fall asleep in at some point."

"Okay, okay. Yeah, alright? I read one or two stories. They're addictive, okay? Sue me. And this one in particular is really fucking funny and I'm not sorry because it's so outlandish. It would never happen. But, I'll admit, I've actually pretty much tried to go cold turkey on the fic reading and fanart looking. Y'know. Out of respect." Victoria mounted her defense, though it seemed to have no effect on Kurama.

"You're absolutely unbelievable. How would you feel if I wrote and read stories about you that you had no say in?"

"Honestly, a little flattered." Victoria admitted. "I mean, at first. But I could definitely see how that would get super weird crazy fast. Look. I promise it's not lewd or anything. It's a funny story about you meeting Scooby-Doo and being incredibly exasperated that his humans have no idea he's a talking demon."

He eyed her, misgiving written over his pressed lips. Victoria shifted and then sunk into her shoulders.

"Do you want to read it?" She asked with a wince.

Kurama slapped his palm to his face and took a moment to gather himself. He supposed, of all topics, this one was fairly benign. None of that romance material she'd claimed to read before they'd met. But no, he did not want to read it. Partly because it would feel incredibly weird to read about himself from the outside, but also a large part of him feared that Victoria had been truthful when she'd told Vanessa he'd been in character in the story. He wasn't sure he could handle knowing that there were authors out there who could accurately capture his personality and translate it to story form.

"No. I'd rather not." Kurama finally answered her. "Just. Please stop reading stories about us, Victoria."

"Yeah, okay." She nodded, sullenly. "Sorry Kurama."

"Did you know that Hot Topic is selling merch again?" Vanessa announced to the room and waited a breath for the response.

Victoria's brows pulled down, her mind running around that topic change, then her face snapped up to stare at her best friend, eyes alight and her seconds-before-scolding completely dismissed from her consciousness as though it had never happened. Kurama too reacted, pulling a face mildly alarmed confusion tinted with fear.

"WHAT?!" Victoria yelled, grabbing Vanessa by the shoulders and shaking her slightly. "Why haven't you linked me?! I gotta buy it. I mean. I have to. Is it shirts? Figures? What is it? I've been waiting so long for merch to reappear in the US! I hope it's shirts. Do you guys want shirts of yourselves?"

"No, thank you." Kurama shook his head, lamenting the fact his guilt tripping has such a short term effect. "Merch being short for merchandise, is that correct?"

"Hell yeah it is." Victoria walked over and raised his hand to slap her palm against his in a forced high-five. "Kurama, my man, I'm going to wear a shirt with your face on it."

"Please don't."

"It'll be hilarious! We can walk around town together." She pressed.

"Hilarious how?"

"Because no one will be even notice it's you!" Victoria declared. "Are you kidding me?! Not a single person has yet to comment on you or Hiei's appearances. Not one. You put pictures of yourself as your twitter and tumblr profile pics and no one has been like 'Ha, convincing Kurama get up. Did you make it yourself?' and I find that beautiful, so let me have this. It's like a secret only I know and the rest of the world doesn't realize it's waiting to hear it."

"You are one of the most deranged individuals I've ever met."

"Come on now. That's not nice."

"Wait, did you say Kurama seduced the pizza boy? Which one? Baby Brett or Human Hank?" Vanessa walked over to them, helped herself to a glass and the pitcher of sweet tea.

"Baby Brett." Victoria explained. "Poor kid didn't even know what hit him."

"Aww that's sort of cute. You know he's not out to his family? Maybe don't go too wild talking about his little crush." Vanessa explained with a wave of her hand. "You don't want to be that guy who accidentally outs someone."

"I did not know that. This will not leave this house." Victoria nodded sharply. "I forgot about his parents. Ugh. Hate them."

"Seriously hate them." Vanessa agreed. "I sort of want to adopt him. He's such a good kid."

After a moment of commiseration, Vanessa shook herself as though she'd just had a brilliant idea. Her attention moved to Kurama, her smile a warning of trouble to come. He eyed her with suspicion.

"Kurama if you want payback about the pizza boy thing and you know, Vick in general, I can show you guys something really cool. Relating, heavily, to Hot Topic." Vanessa offered.

"Do I even want to know? Also, what the hell is a Hot Topic? Is it a news site?" Kurama questioned, confused and annoyed. His freshly washed and moisturized skin looked dewy though, and Victoria a moment to appreciate that she was very good at making face masks and that he should be grateful for her, because part of her knew what was about to happen.

"Not at all. It's a store that sells CDs and vinyls and clothes and pop-culture stuff. It's every kid's first edgelord experience. Hiei would like it." Vanessa explained with that dangerous smile of her growing more and more telling. "In fact, Victoria used to shop there frequently during her edgy teen years."

Victoria, realizing what was about to happen as Vanessa pulled out her cell, pleaded. "Don't."

"In fact, one could say that you don't outgrow emo." Vanessa explained, turning that malicious grin to her best friend—soul sister really—without remorse.

"I'm an adult, Nessie. This has no power over me anymore. I'm a grown ass adult and I have real responsibilities and I listen to a variety of music now, and I wear a lot of colors." Victoria decided quickly begging wouldn't have any effect on the soulless fiend that was her semi-good friend. Acquaintance really. Vanessa was dead to her.

"Oh, okay. That's fine. I respect that." Vanessa's tone earned Hiei's attention, and he walked over to join them.

"What are you doing?" Kurama asked him, surprised to see Hiei pull out a bar stool to perch on it's cushion.

"I want to see this blackmail unfold."

"Of course you do." Kurama paused then offered a small grin. "So do I."

They exchanged equally dubious expressions before turning to watch as Vanessa taunted Victoria.

"I won't do it." Victoria crossed her arms, the promise clear in her narrowed eyes. "I won't-" a song began to play and it appeared to Kurama and Hiei that some entity had possessed their roommate. As soon as the tune started Victoria threw herself into belting out the lyrics. "Well if you wanted honesty-"

Dramatically she launched into pantomiming playing a guitar, bobbing her head. Suddenly, silence enveloped them as the song was cut off by Vanessa. As though a spell was broken, Victoria came back to her senses with a harsh glare.

"Get the fuck out of my house." She gestured to the door with a pointed finger.

Hiei braced himself for another display of her strange compulsive powers, watching carefully. Vanessa seemed unmoved by the command ringing clear in those sharp blue eyes. Was her fortitude so strong? Or was Victoria truly still so drained? He missed the subtext of Victoria not being serious in any form, the slight tug of a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. So focused on the forest he could not see the trees.

In response to the command, Vanessa displayed another song on her phone's screen, wiggling the device with sadistic intention. Victoria stiffened, then softly uttered, "Don't."

Vanessa's thumb pressed play.

Once again, an unsettling force took control of Victoria's body as she sang, "Oh, well imagine-"

A few bars into the song it was once again turned off, allowing Victoria time to breath and glare. Vanessa laughed at her. Hiei walked over and snatched the device from Vanessa's loose grip. He glanced at their teal-haired hostess, then he tapped a careful finger against the title of another song at random. To his immense satisfaction this time both Victoria and Vanessa appeared caught by this invisible force. They stared at each other in horrified expectation that melted quickly into mutual understanding. In one unified voice, after a few notes from a piano, they sang to each other.

"When I was a young boy-"

Both women threw themselves into the song, serenading one another in off-pitch voices. Kurama walked over and plucked the phone from Hiei's rather tight hold, eyed his companion, then sighed and turned the music off but not before making a mental note of the song titles on the playlist so he could recreate it on his own Spotify account for future use, should the need ever arise. Or just for when he was feeling particularly spiteful.

"I hate you." Victoria muttered to her sister-from-another-mister. "I hate you so fucking much sometimes."

"Be nice to our boys." Vanessa told her flippantly. "They are now armed with your weakness honey."

"Indeed." Kurama agreed, his tone light, which only made it more frightening, because that gentle tone held a sharp edge of promise that Victoria, personally, did not want to receive.

Not for the first time she was pretty thankful that neither of the two men had access to their energies here because she was fairly certain at this point that she'd have been on the receiving end of more than one of Kurama's little pet plants. It made her a little nervous for the fact he had planted roses in her garden.