Happy extra-mental-health-day-off-work-from-my-insane-coworkers! Enjoy an extra chapter this week :D
Shepard sat on the ground, her back against her mattress, cradling her bloody hands. There was a line of droplets on the floor, leading to the bathroom mirror she had just smashed. The N7 breathed deeply, erratically, trying to calm her nausea. She couldn't afford another trip to the porcelain throne. She had to keep the calories in. She squeezed her watering eyes shut against the memories of the dream she'd awoken from. Saren's metallic visage and Ashley's grin spun round and round behind her eyelids. She was losing it, wasn't she? When she closed her eyes, Saren's face stared back at her from the darkness more often than not. She turned up on her knees and fell into the bedsheets. The Commander let out a frustrated primal yell into her blankets, pulling at her hair.
She combed her thoughts, looking for anything odd or intrusive. She kept waiting to hear voices. Whispering. Saren and Benezia seemed to be hearing or seeing something from Sovereign. What if it had been dreams like hers, progressing into your consciousness while awake? She shuddered at that thought. Since the run in with the Prothian beacon, Shepard had been no stranger to bad dreams. She'd heard the screams of a dying race for a year. But this… this was a whole new level of horror. Was this the Reaper's plan, driving her insane with vivid, horrible dreams. Or maybe this was a side effect? Where did souls go? Wherever it was, souls weren't meant to come back here. Why didn't Liara just leave her dead? She had done enough, hadn't she? Live long enough to see yourself become the villain wasn't what she'd planned on.
Unwanted tears leaked of their own accord onto her bedding. She was so tired. Her omni-tool alarm went off. 0630. Already late. Shepard stood, habit driving her off her bed and past her nausea to her dresser. She'd left the mirror on her armor terminal on after trying on her new gear last night. She tried not to. She honestly did, but she caught her own gaze reflected in it. Was it her imagination? All the fissure lines Cerberus left behind seemed brighter than usual. Her ribs were sticking out. Were her eyes glowing red? She was glued to her reflection. Her mouth opened in horror as she watched the fissures on her cheeks widen and break apart. Her body elongated, exposing long metal limbs and claws, tubes, and lights.
Panicked, she reached down to run her palms over her skin. No, no, she hadn't turned into a mechanical Sovereign controlled version of herself. Just like Saren. Shepard shook her head violently, trying to clear away the hallucination. Just fucking like Saren. She didn't make it to the bathroom. She retched drily, leaving a pathetic few drops of bile where she paused. The soldier darted to her bed and pulled her carnifax from her pillow. Training had it primed and loaded in milliseconds. Shepard sat, heaving breaths wracking her body while she held it in her lap. Thinking. If she were really going to become that thing, ending it now would be better than exposing the crew to her treachery. She stood and paced, holding the gun. Get a grip, Shep. Would Miranda even tell her if they'd used Reaper tech? Of course not. How could she let herself live, knowing that at any moment she would play right into the Reaper's hands? Doing just what they wanted. Maybe she was the key to unleashing them on the galaxy. It was just sadistic enough to sound like Sovereign.
Shepard raised the carnifax to her temple, breathing deeply in through her nose and out through her mouth. Who would help the colonists after her? Who would have to clean up the mess her body would leave? What poor crewman would she be scarring? Undoubtedly Chakwas, at the least.
Garrus.
Garrus would know, he would notice if she wasn't acting like herself. Garrus would put her out of her misery. She counted on him to do the dirty jobs. It was selfish to push this on him. She recognized that. But she couldn't bring herself to it.
The Commander put the pistol down on the desk, yanked her tank top off, and wiped her hands and face with it. Hurriedly she threw on her hoodie and leggings and ran to the lift, bouncing restlessly on the balls of her feet until it let her off on the crew deck. She didn't care if she looked nuts, she ran through the mess barefoot just as breakfast was ending for the main crew. Down the short hall to the battery she went, finding the door lock was green. He was awake! Shepard barreled through and nearly smashed into Garrus where he stood, datapad in hand, at the cannon console.
"Garrus! We need to talk," She noticed the unusual stiffness of his posture and the nervous drumming of his talons on the pad.
He hesitated a bit too long, mandibles sucked in tight. He was irritated. "Can it wait, Shepard? I'm in the middle of some calibrations."
Calibrations, calibrations. The Thannix she'd ordered hadn't even come in before they'd left Illium to chase a distress call a week ago. She searched his face. His eyes were dilated again. He'd been avoiding her soundly since their disagreement in the armory. Fuck, she'd really pissed him off.
"Oh, of course. Yeah. I'll just catch you some other time, Garrus," She turned and left the battery in long strides. She shouldn't put this on him, anyway. He was obviously dealing with whatever had happened on Omega. Shepard made a beeline to the med bay. Dr. Chakwas took one look at her face and stood from her console. "Doc, can you tell me again about that procedure to remove the scars?"
It was some time later that Thane found her nestled behind some crates in the cargo. She needed to go work on her console but being around the ever chipper Chambers or going back to that room with its mirror, its gun, and its sick... neither was a good choice right now. He was dressed in the joggers again. Had he just found her because he was coming to exercise or because EDI sent him? Shepard pulled up the time. Oh. This was their normal time to train together. He blinked both of his inner and outer eyelids. Bless him though, he realized she needed him to keep his preachy mouth shut. The Drell merely held out his hand to help her up. When she refused to take it he sat beside her. He asked nothing, just sat with her, looking away. Their shoulders touched in the small space. Why was it always him who witnessed her worst moments lately?
"Commander, Subject Zero is looking for you." Did EDI just have reluctance to disturb displayed in her voice?
"Thanks EDI," she whispered.
"Subject Zero will be in her… quarters," EDI truncated the com line.
Shepard sighed. Thane was looking at her with a silent question. Was there anything he could do to help? She shook her head and stood.
Before she walked far, he caught her hand. "Shepard, join Samara and I tonight before you retire?"
"Sure, Thane."
Jack was sitting on the stairs opposite the ones Shepard came down.
"I heard you were looking for me?" She stopped in front of the tattooed woman, arms crossed.
"Yeah. We are close to Pragia." The biotic searched her face. "You know Cerberus kidnapped me and raised me as a kid. The first thing I remember is my cell door. They did experiments, drugged me, tortured me. Whatever chance of normal I had they stole from me, trying to create some 'super' biotic. The doctors... the other kids. They all hated me. They let me suffer."
"There were other kids there too? Christ. What did they hope to gain by torturing children?"
"It was something about pain breaking down mental barriers, and how that would clear the way for more biotic powers. Maybe there was going to be a payoff at some point, but I didn't think I would live to see it. They had me wired up in a cage."
"All that just to produce a stronger biotic?"
"I wasn't in a position to ask, Shepard. All I know was the little girl, crying in a cell, begging for the pain to stop." Jack was letting a surprising amount of emotion show.
"How did you escape?"
"When I broke out I had to fight through them all. All the kids, the doctors, the guards. I just killed everything in my way and ran. Guess I showed them the results of their fucking experiments. My biotics developed faster than they thought. Turns out if you mess with someone's head enough, you can turn a scared kid into an all powerful bitch. Fucking idiots. I managed to get a shuttle off the ground and drifted till a freighter picked me up," She released a reluctant breath. "The crew used and sold me. That's my uplifting escape story."
Jesus, the woman had been through some shit. Sometimes her over bearing bitchiness seemed like a drawn out act. Then moments like these, well, it made sense. "Okay. You'd said you wanted to travel to Pragia."
"Yes. I want to go to the Teltin facility, go to the middle of the lab - my cell - and plant a big fucking bomb that I can watch explode from orbit."
"I'll set the course when we are finished with the distress call."
"Thanks Shepard. I'll owe you one."
"It's a research station, registered as Jarrahe." Joker swiveled towards the copilot chair.
"Salarian?" Shepard reclined in the seat, one leg on the console.
"Looks like it in the manifest. Plenty of Humans and some Asari too." The pilot was sifting through screens.
"EDI, doesn't look like any damage from here." The N7 crossed her arms.
"Correct, scans show no signs of hull abruption or depressurization. No obvious causes of distress from the exterior, but no life signs are present on board the station," the AI answered.
"Shit. We're too late then," Shepard let out a long drawn out breath. "I'll suit up and at least go see what happened. Maybe I can salvage something useful," she stood and stretched.
"Roger that Commander. We are docking in five."
Shepard traipsed down the ramp into the station slowly, shotgun drawn - just in case. The door for cycled open and she could already see bodies. She picked up a datapad from the first one, whose blood was stark against the white of the lab coat.
"A VI went rogue and killed everyone onboard. They powered down everything but life support to stop it. Doesn't seem like it worked." She murmured over coms.
"Yeah the lack of life signs was a dead give away for that one. Keep me updated, Commander." Joker cut the channel, leaving her to listen to her own breathing.
She worked her way cautiously through the dark quiet of the station, rebooting power systems and salvaging materials. The VI took to spouting ominous warnings over the station speakers as she walked. The first had been 'All intruders should report to the airlock for immediate removal.' At one point, it even repeated a message to the crew, advising them to 'self terminate to avoid starvation.' Jesus Christ. Extra ominous considering there wasn't a live person left in the station. Every room had bodies. The VI's most gruesome murder scene was one lab in particular, that had been testing different coatings to repel lasers on ablative plating. The computer program had rounded up all the scientists and somehow forced them inside - to cut them into tiny little pieces with the beams. Shepard couldn't even tell what all species had been the victim here, the bodily fluids all intermixed into a disturbing gray color.
Maybe it was because she'd just contemplated killing herself hours ago - so she was already rather unstable today - but she had to blink a few times to be sure Garrus's form wasn't laying too still in a pool of cobalt blood on the other side of the glass with the rest of the remains. What in the entire fuck were her dreams doing to her? She tore her eyes from the lab and forced herself onwards, waves of goosebumps playing along her skin. Suddenly the station seemed more ominous, and she warred with her own common sense as she stepped over more bodies. Joker had said no life signs. None. Shepard passed under the mirrored ceiling of the mess hall and froze.
There was someone standing behind her in the reflection.
The Commander threw herself behind a table, weapon raised. She peeked over the top of it. Nothing within sight moved, and she strained her ears in the silence.
"Shepard? You okay?" Joker came over the com in her helmet, startling her in the dark of the room.
Shit, she was actually, really losing it. "Yeah, why? What's up?"
"Your suit biometrics might be bugged. I'm showing you haven't moved for the last ten minutes and your vitals are spiked high almost across the board."
She mentally cursed herself. Had she really been crouched behind that table thinking someone was following her, all that time? "Weird. I'll try a reset when I get back."
The soldier forced herself to stand and keep moving. She stayed absorbed in her own thoughts as the VI continued to talk over the speakers. The ever intensifying fear that she'd be the next Saren was bad enough. But the worst part though, was the deep pit of longing despair that grew ever wider in her stomach. Where did the old Shepard go? It felt like the new her spent every waking moment comparing herself to… well herself. She missed her previous mental stability. Nothing had rattled Commander Shepard, she had been hard through and through. Now… now she couldn't remember a time where she'd been more near tears at any singular moment. Could she even GET back to how she was or did this new body come only with new Shepard that couldn't cope? It was like the her who went through the hell of basic, and the military, then Torfan, then the Academy….was just a vague memory. Now she was more like she had been as a teen. Fresh off the streets, a scared, too trusting, idiot. It was dangerous. It would only be a matter of time before she got someone killed with her instabilities. Again.
No. She couldn't let her thoughts carry her dark places anymore. Focus.
Shepard circled back around from the labs, through the mess, and passed back through the main HUB. Something caught her eye from under a body. She stooped to gingerly roll the stiff corpse over. A datapad. On it there was a message explaining that they thought the VI was afraid of viral contamination and went ape shit killing everyone. Huh. That didn't explain why the computer program was using ever more delightfully barbaric ways to kill everyone here. She needed to find her way to the maintenance section of the ship and reboot the main power grid. Finally she found the doors leading there, stopped from closing by a dead Salarian. She squished herself through the gap.
As soon as her boots hit the floor on the other side the VI made an announcement. "Plasma venting in progress. Attempting to reach main maintenance controls will most likely result in serious injury or death."
It hadn't even finished talking before plasma sprayed down from the vent above her. Her shields saved her ass luckily, though the burst blew them clean out in one go. Her suit alarms blared. This fucking computer was trying to kill her too!
"Commander?" Her pilot's worried voice was muffled behind her screaming suit alarms.
"I'm fine Jeff. Just a little run in with the VI." Shepard spent the next few minutes muttering expletives as she dodged a plasma blast obstacle course to the main console. Finally she was able to reset the station's main power and was rewarded with the humming sounds of generators booting up across the entire structure. The lights in the maintenance section flickered on.
Once the power was activated the VI spoke again. "Docked vessel detected, attempting to upload central programming into vessel mainframe."
"EDI, advise, the VI is trying to get into the Normandy!"
"Commander, I am your cyber warfare suite. I will not allow this to happen. The VI's server room is inside the main hub. I suggest moving there and manually shutting it down."
"Roger that EDI, I'm on my way." Shepard turned and sprinted as quickly as she could through the plasma vents. She squeezed through the doors and ran down the hall towards the HUB. As soon as she spun the corner though, she could see the red lock on the mainframe access.
"Fuck!" The Commander snapped open her omni-tool and tapped feverishly through her hack program. Agonizing seconds dragged by as her brain conjured images of her own crew laying lifeless, murdered by the corrupt computer program. A hundred years later her hack program dinged once and the lock cycled to green. Shepard tore inside the mainframe room to access the console. At the first button push, the rogue program's visual representation came up on the screen.
"Unauthorized intruder, you are not allowed access to this-" Shepard finished typing out the shut down procedure, and the screen blinked off. Slowly, the humming of the mainframe unit died out.
"Rogue VI is offline, no systems compromised on the Normandy," EDI came on the com.
Shepard let out a long, loud breath. "EDI, please don't ever turn into a depraved serial killer."
"I have no intentions at this time. My protocols are to protect the ship and crew lives at all costs." EDI responded.
"Great. I'll be sure to remind you you said that if you ever turn into HAL. See if you can download a docking manifest for this station. We need to contact all the ships that have been here recently and warn them about this rogue VI business. Make sure they didn't get infected by it too."
"Done, Commander."
The Normandy's airlock door closed behind her and the decon cycled. As soon as the inner door let her into the cockpit Shepard tore her helmet off. "Okay Joker, ETA to Pragia?"
He looked back to his console. "About two hours, Commander."
She nodded. "Get Valern on the horn and let him know that he needs to send a squad to come clean this place. My best suggestion is, blow it up. No one needs to see the horror show that has gone on over there. I'll upload my suit footage for you to attach it. If he wants to speak with me he can but the footage is pretty self evident."
"Aye Commander." Joker swiveled his chair around to his console.
"EDI, consolidate that ship manifest and message it to Lawson. We need to get those communications out as soon as possible." She unclasped her glove cuffs as she walked.
"Yes, Commander," the AI answered.
"Jack, we will hit Pragia in two hours. Be ready." Shepard strode quickly down the CIC.
"Sure Shep. I've been ready for years," the biotic's voice came through the com in her helmet as she stepped into the armory.
"Shepard," Taylor stopped in front of her. "How was the new suit?"
"Great, did its job. Thanks for the modifications, Jacob. Keep the N7 gear, hopefully I'll be back in it sooner rather than later." She returned his salute, and they parted ways.
"Shepard, I am picking up thermal signatures throughout the facility," EDI spoke.
The Commander sighed heavily. If she'd known that distress call from the station was going to turn into the bloody, sickening, crime scene it had been, she would have told their resident biotic to wait for Pragia some other day. "Of course. Either the sensors are being distorted or it isn't as abandoned as it seems." She looked at Jack.
"It might have been a mistake coming here." The biotic spoke warily. Jesus, she was an enigma. Cold feet now? Really? This whole thing had been her idea to begin with.
"Oh come on, where did that sense of justice go?" She patted the small bomb sitting next to her on the seat. "If anyone is in there, you'll just be showing them who the galaxy's one true biotic bitch really is.
Jack slouched but nodded. "You're right, Shep."
The shuttle landed and the two women jumped out into humidity and thick raindrops. Boots slapped through puddles on the duracrete roof of the facility. Jack didn't seem fazed when Shepard holstered her shotgun and removed her helmet. She pointed her face at the sky to revel in the sensation of the droplets against her skin.
The biotic was kind enough to let her enjoy it for a minute before interrupting. "What are you doing Shep? Getting ready to audition for one of those turn of the 21st century emo revival bands?"
Shepard smiled. "Nah, you'd beat me out for that role, I think." Jack rolled her eyes. "It's just been forever since I smelled rain." She pulled her helmet back over her head and motioned the tattooed woman to lead the way.
Of course there were looters. Why not? A bunch of Blood Pack were about par for the course of her luck. Unfortunately, the gang had been the simple part. Accompanying Jack through her childhood of abysmal horror had been... difficult. The biotic didn't take it well when confronted with evidence that all the other kids there had been mules to test if their procedures were safe for Subject Zero. So many dead children sacrificed to make sure Jack survived the experimenting done to her. She'd thought she had been a survivor, the strongest kid, that she'd had it the worst, and she had built her whole sense of self on that. When really she was the end result. They'd drugged her, starved her, electrocuted her, forced her to kill other children. Jack blaming herself for all those deaths wasn't why Shepard had agreed to bring her there. Nothing had prepared either of them for the revelations in the facility or the man who'd been hiding out in Jack's old cell.
The tattooed woman held her gun unsteadily at his chest. He had both of his hands raised.
"Who are you?" Shepard barked.
"My name is Aresh, and you are breaking into my home." The fellow paused. "I know you Subject Zero." His voice was calm, despite the barrel trained on him.
Shepard saw her companion's pulse pick up speed in her neck.
"So many years have passed. And here I thought everyone was dead... but of course, not you. Never you." His eyebrows drew together.
"My name, is Jack. How the hell do you know me?"
"Oh, we all knew your face Jack. They inflicted horrors on us, just so they wouldn't kill you. God, we hated you. You were the question. And I'm still looking for the answer.," he slowly lowered his hands and held the biotic's gaze. "I tried to forget this place. I really did. But you know, don't you? This place? It doesn't leave you." He hesitated, seemingly waiting for her to acknowledge him. "I hired those mercs and came here about a solar year ago. We are rebuilding it, piece by piece. I'm going to find out what they knew. How to unlock true biotic potential in Humans. I'm restarting the Teltin facility."
"The hell you are! I'm going to destroy every piece of this facility!" Jack's voice raised.
"Why would you start this? You'd do this all again to more kids? Wasn't this forced on you?" Shepard's disbelief registered in her own ears.
"Some of us were bought from poor families on Earth or kidnapped from colonies. Most ended up here the same way I did. Batarian slavers." He covered his eyes with his hand. "They did such horrible things to us... there must have been some good reason."
Jack stepped forward and shoved her gun into his chest. "There's no reason in the galaxy good enough, are you nuts!? You lived it! I stopped this. All of it. Maybe you all had it bad too, but restarting this place? It's completely fucked up!"
Aresh pushed into her weapon, goading her to do it. His voice boomed in the small cell. "Everything we went through must have meant SOMETHING!"
Jack grabbed him with her powers and bent him at a painful angle to his knees. She drove the muzzle against his head.
Shepard stepped forward with a placating hand up. "Whoa, Jack. He's as trapped in his past as you. He's never going to restart this place. You already realize there was no meaning to this bullshit. You can move on from this. You don't have to let your past control you like it is him. He's pathetic."
"Fuck. FUCK. Fine. Just go." Jack lifted her control of him and he immediately fled the room. "You can stay here and get blown up or leave!" She yelled after him.
The tapping of his footfalls faded and Jack stood unmoving for many minutes, taking in the sad, stained bed. There was nothing else in the room but a toilet, a sink and a small desk. "I want to stop coming back here, Shep," she spoke so quietly the Commander barely heard her.
Shepard walked up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. To her surprise, Jack didn't shrug it off. They stood silently in the stale, thick air of the room.
Eventually the tattooed woman's shoulders stiffened. "Enough wallowing. Let's blow this place and go home." The biotic smirked at her.
"Oh, my GOD. Jack, did you watch Star Wars?"
"I did, it was old and stupid, just like you Shep." The woman bent to arm the explosive device they had carried in.
The Commander smiled. "See, I told you you'd love it."
Miranda came rushing out of her office door and stood looking around for a moment. Shepard was mid bite of her lasagne when her XO noticed her and stormed over. "Shepard, I find myself in the unpleasant position of asking for your help." The operative braced both hands on either side of the table across from the Captain. "I don't like to discuss personal matters, but this is important."
The Commander glanced around the empty mess hall. It was late into the evening cycle before she and Jack had returned to the ship after detonating the Teltin facility. She motioned to the spot in front of her and the XO planted herself.
Miranda exhaled sharply and weaved her fingers together. "My father is extremely wealthy. He wanted a perfect daughter and paid a great deal to have me genetically tailored. When I was old enough to realize he was more interested in controlling a dynasty than raising a daughter… I left."
Shepard swallowed her bite. "He must have taken that well."
"I… injured several of his guards in the process. He knows better than to come after me. But this isn't about me," She leaned back and rubbed her neck. "I have a sister. A twin. He is still hunting her. Cerberus has kept her safe for me. Until now. She has been living a normal life on Illium, hidden from my father."
"So why are you telling me your family history?"
"My father's agents have been searching for her for years. I believe they've tracked her down. I've tried to keep her hidden without impacting her life. But I am out of options. He is too close. I need to relocate my sister and her family before it's too late. She deserves a normal life."
"Does your sister's family know about any of this? Are they okay with being moved?"
"They know nothing. They are normal, completely uninvolved."
Shepard put down her fork. "Best to keep them that way. What do you need me to do?"
"My father is persistent. I'd like to go to Illium while Cerberus is moving the family, to make sure none of my father's agents get too close. My contact's name is Lanteia. She'll be waiting in the lounge near the Nos Astra docking port."
Shepard nodded. "Do-able. We've got to get the Thannix and Kasumi requested a stop there or at the Citadel. We are about eighteen hours out. What's your time?"
"They'll move her in two days."
"I'll set the course." She picked up her plate and moved towards the kitchen.
"Thank you Shepard." Miranda actually smiled.
The Commander hesitated outside the life support door, even though the lock was green. It was late. The suddenness of it opening caused her to flinch.
"Oh, I am sorry Commander, I hadn't realized you were right here," Inky black eyes studied her. Thane didn't seem phased at all that she'd been standing there. "EDI said you had returned, I was just coming to find you. You are still willing to accept my invitation, yes?"
"If it isn't too late for either of you, I accept."
Thane gently touched her elbow and guided her back down the hall towards the lift. "Not at all Commander." He kept his hand there all the way to the Matriarch's room.
The door opened as they approached, and inside, Samara was meditating as usual, floating a few inches from the floor while controlling a ball of biotic energy.
The Asari didn't pause her meditations, but spoke. "Welcome Commander. Thane has suggested to me that you may benefit from some experienced help in meditation."
"While I would never be stupid enough to turn down any advice from someone who was nearly 1,000 years old, I will say that I've been notoriously bad at such pursuits in the past."
"Yes, well, that is a highlight of your species, isn't it? Humans are fast and loud." Samara floated to the ground and spun to regard the Commander. "Not that I am disparaging that. There is something endlessly intriguing about those of you who burn so bright in such a short amount of time."
Thane moved to the observation window and stared out, hands clasped behind his back in his typical fashion. Shepard glanced warily out for a moment before seating herself on the floor. "Watching all of us shorter lived species struggle must really be something else to the Asari and Krogan."
"I imagine you could get some idea of the thought from knowing Salarian's your whole life." Samara fixed her gaze on the Commander. "You are uncomfortable with a view of our galactic expanse?"
"I once got way too up close and personal with that view, so yeah. I'd say I'm appropriately uncomfortable with it." Shepard folded her legs under her like Samara had hers. "So, how do we start? Do I need to do some special breath thing?"
Samara smiled. "Not unless you want to. Just close your eyes, breathe normally, and clear your mind. Lose all focus." The Asari pushed herself closer, their knees touching.
Some time passed in the Observation's quiet deck. She really did try. The very concept of clearing her mind was so foreign she didn't see where to start. Every time she'd make a hole, her brain would fill it in with either a spinning view of Alchera or Saren's visage as he put the pistol under his chin. No. She could do this. Simple. If she fought the Rachni, she could clear her mind. Shepard fidgeted, repositioning her legs. Suddenly Garrus pushed to the forefront, laying facedown in a pool of ever widening cerulean blood. She sucked in a breath and stood bolt upright before she even realized she had moved. Samara blinked up at her.
"Shepard, I believe you might be making it more difficult than it needs to be." Thane's brow was pulled up in a look that seemed too much like pity for her tastes.
So, she didn't stop the glare she shot at him. "And how would you know?"
His lips twitched upwards. "I can very nearly smell how many logs you've stoked your mind's fire with."
She sighed and turned her eyes back to Samara. "It's impossible. Quiet was something I always wanted, to the point it became a myth. Now that I sometimes have it, it's my mortal nemesis." The Commander sat back down. "It's impossible to not remember… the horrible shit I've seen."
The Justicar studied her face, crystal clear blue eyes oscillated between her own before she nodded. "An understandable problem. I found that I would dwell on anything I couldn't bring myself to face. Once I stopped and analyzed what had happened, I was more capable of facing the truth of my involvement and thus accepting the outcome, no matter how undesirable. We are living Commander. We can face the past and regret, standing still, or we can face the present and accept, moving forward."
Shepard frowned at her hands in her lap. Thane came to sit cross legged with them.
"Luckily, I think your biotics might be able to help you, Commander." Samara leaned and took both of her hands. "Focus your energy on your palms."
Shepard closed her eyes and did as asked. Her hands tingled where the Asari held them.
"Your energy is still very chaotic." She pushed her thumbs into the center of the Commander's palms. "Here. Focus."
The tingling started to get a bit uncomfortable, like pins and needles. The sensation of Samara's thumbs did make it easier to focus, though. Minutes passed, and suddenly Shepard could feel the Justicar's breathing and heartbeat drum through her hands and up her forearms.
"There. Open your eyes Shepard," her soothing voice slid across the room and lapped against the walls.
The N7 blinked groggily down where Samara's hands cupped her own. A small blue white orb hovered there, pulsating. "How are you doing this?"
The Matriarch smiled gently. "I am not. I am merely guiding your biotics forward, Commander."
"I can feel your heartbeat." Shepard mentally chastised herself. She sounded like a child.
"As I feel yours. Our powers are intertwined." Samara dragged her hands away except for her fingertips. "Now, dig deep, and concentrate every molecule on keeping the orb alive. For now, as it lives, you won't be distracted by your inner noise. This will be an important technique you can use to help yourself mentally whenever you need it."
There was an unanticipated amount of people waiting inside the airlock as Joker was docking. Shepard smirked, knowing how unfond he was of an audience. Miranda was pacing up and down the CIC in a small revolution, trying for everything she was worth to look cool and collected. Kasumi, Zaeed, and Grunt were chatting by the door. Garrus was skulking just outside the lift in the corner nearest the armory. They made eye contact as she stepped off the elevator. God, how many days had it been since she'd last even seen him? He looked away. Geeze, like he didn't want to get picked in dodgeball or something. She really really wanted to ask what he was doing while they were on Illium. Instead she strode past him and her XO on her way up to the cockpit.
"Where are we at Joker?"
"Bay P324, coming in now. Ten minutes out," he answered before fielding a com call from the flight controller for Nos Astra.
The Commander patted him on the shoulder before turning to the rest of her team. "What are you guys planning?" She leaned against a bulkhead.
"I'm taking the kid to get some actual good food. It's a damn shame to eat nothing his whole life but Gardner's cooking. I've gotta change that." Zaeed crossed his large arms across his chest. Grunt looked like it was Christmas morning.
"Don't say that within earshot of our poor cook, okay?" She pointed at Grunt.
"I'm not stupid enough to piss off the person who feeds me. I get extra portions if I compliment him or clean a toilet." The Krogan answered in his gruff voice.
Shock was on every face in the cockpit, including hers.
"Grunt, you've been helping Gardner clean?" Kasumi asked.
He looked around bewildered. "Of course. I'll kill every Collector in this galaxy for a few extra portions of that… what did he call it? Mac and cheese."
Shepard's and Zaeed's laughter bounced across the room..
"Oh, God, I love this baby Krogan with every bone and fiber in my being." the Commander moved over and threw her arms around his middle.
Grunt held his meaty arms aloft awkwardly. "I keep telling you, I am no baby!"
Kasumi giggled. "You are always a baby to your mother, no matter how big you get. That's the beauty of a mother's love."
"You are all daft. That's the biggest most homicidal baby I've ever seen." Zaeed chuckled.
"And the Butcher of Torfan wouldn't raise any other kind. Grunt give me your hand." He obliged and held out his palm. Shepard dropped a few credit chits into it. "There, get yourself the juiciest varren steak this planet has to offer." Right on cue there was a loud clanging noise that echoed through the ship hull as the docking clamps latched on.
"Docking complete, all crew have twenty-four-hour shore leave, skeleton crew rotation in effect." EDI announced over ship wide com. The airlock began hissing through its cycle.
Shepard was doing her damndest to ignore Garrus's continual burning gaze. "What are you up to Kasumi?"
"Oh, just a little girl time." The smile she had was completely suspicious.
The inner airlock door opened and Shepard pulled her helmet on. Miranda had been checking through her weapons and thermal clips. "Whatever it is, don't get caught, Kasumi. Alright. You ready Lawson?"
"As always Commander." her accented voice answered.
Shepard never thought she'd see the day that she felt something for Miranda. They locked arms all the way back to the Normandy. They were both covered in purple blood and greasy mech coolant. The Cerberus operative had had to kill the only friend she'd kept from her childhood to protect her sister. But seeing the operative's tears while she met with her only kin… made wading through a warehouse full of mechs and Eclipse mercs worth it. Miranda was just Human, like the rest of them.
"So, any more of your friends going to come out of the woodwork to mess with you Miri?" Shepard spoke as they rode the lift down to the crew deck.
The corner of Miranda's mouth turned up. "Not likely, I cut ties with everyone when I fled my father. All the people I care about work for Cerberus. Or for you."
"Aww Miri, are you starting to like this ragtag band of misfits?" Shepard leaned against the wall.
The Cerberus operative actually laughed as she stepped from the lift. "Not on your life Shepard. You are all disgusting." She was smiling as she walked off across the mess.
"Shepard! There you are!"
She blinked and looked up from the cup of nasty 'sleepy' tea she'd been nursing during her nightly ritual. Kasumi was coming towards her carrying a large box with a ribbon on it and multiple bags in her arms.
"What can I do for you at…" she flipped her omni-tool open. "2400 Kasumi?" The thief plopped the box on the table, jarring her cup of tea.
"Shepard, I found it!" She launched the lid off and dug through piles of tissue paper.
"What did you find? Wait, have you been shopping all this time?" The N7 dragged the cup off to the side before it spilled.
"Yes, and I finally saw the most perfect little number for Miss Allison Gunn!" The theif held up her prize, a dress made of strings of deep emerald crystals in silver settings and delicate chains that sparkled brilliantly even in the low night cycle lighting of the mess hall.
"Holy shit, how much did you pay for that Kasumi?" Shepard reached to touch it in awe.
"What? Who do you think I am? Now," She handed the Commander the dress and rummaged around in the other bags. "Take these and go try it on. If it doesn't fit, I'll have to have it tailored while we are still here." She dumped some shoes and a few pieces of cloth into the Commander's hands, pulled her up off the bench, and pushed her towards the bathrooms.
"Okay okay I'm going, I get it." Shepard disappeared behind the women's restroom door. Kasumi leaned against the wall outside.
A few minutes passed, the jangling of the dress the only sound."Kasumi… are you out there?"
"Yes Shep."
"You are aware, I presume, that my tits are hanging out of this and a thong and some crystals don't count as modesty. In most cultures anyway." The door opened to reveal her.
Kasumi squealed. Squealed. "Oh, Shep its perfect! Put the heels on!"
Shepard sighed and did as she was told. "Is this appropriate for a high society party?"
"Remember, its going to be full of the richest criminals in the galaxy, and Allison Gunn is a 'boss ass bitch' as you would put it. Plus, I need you to be the biggest distraction money can buy when it comes to Hock. Turn."
The Commander swiveled on the ball of one foot to present her rear. "Remind me again, why you arn't the one in the ridiculous dress?"
When Kasumi didn't answer, she turned back around to look at her.
Krios had come out from life support directly across from the bathroom and Kasumi was too busy grinning to mention it, apparently. Shepard had just caught the tail end of his eyes returning upwards.
"Jesus Christ," she muttered. "Sorry, were we too loud Thane?"
He waited a beat too long to answer. "Not at all, Si-Shepard. I came to refill my cup." He held up the mug in his hands a bit.
What was that slip of the tongue?
"Well since you are here, what do you think Sere Krios? She'll be a great distraction? No?" Kasumi waved her arm up and down at Shepard.
Thane's eyes traveled up her form again. The Commander had one hand on her hip, one leg cocked confidently, standing in strappy silver heels. Creamy skin peeked through the delicate rungs of the draped crystals. The dress was low cut, with a deep V to her navel but had a single strand that ran between her breasts and culminated in a choker at her neck. There were thin chain sleeves that wrapped to the back of it. Every breath disturbed the intricate chains of emeralds around the bosom and glinted endless rainbows and pinpricks of light off the walls of the bathroom.
"If distraction is the intention, I do not believe you could have picked a better presentation." He brought a thoughtful hand to his chin. "It's very... green."
Kasumi giggled. "Yes well, I felt it was either that or blue to set off that red hair. But since her eyes are green…"
"It was the perfect choice." He nodded and stole quietly toward the kitchen.
The two women watched his retreat.
The thief bent towards her and whispered."I think he likes you Shep. If Drell blushed, I'm sure we would have just witnessed it."
"Kasumi, you think everyone likes me. Can I take this off now? I don't need to scar the rest of my crew for life. One was bad enough."
"Scar is hardly the word for it Shep. I'd be willing to bet most of the crew would pay to see you in this." She paused as Shepard walked a small circle while getting used to the shoes. "I would have taken you as the type who can't walk in heels. I'm pleasantly surprised."
Shepard had turned away and strode further into the bathroom so her face was hidden when she answered. "I've unfortunately had some experience with them."
The solemn tone of her voice told the thief to ask no more questions.
