This is late! But that's okay! Have a little non-story-canon holiday treat on me. This is just meant to be light hearted fun and to remind you all to have a good holiday if you celebrate. Take time for yourselves and drink lots of water if you're enjoying too much mulled wine like me. Wishing you all a happier, healthier, more exciting (in the good ways) coming year! Thank you all for reading!
Victoria meandered around Target with Grams, touching fabrics and eying outfits. "I'm actually a little excited. It's going to be their first Christmas you know. Well, here at least. I don't know what they've done in their own time and place. It might be the only one too, if we can figure out how to send them back. I just want it to be fun."
"You want something to remember them by." Grams spoke with a smile.
"It'd be nice if they remembered too, you know?" Victoria nodded just before her eyes lit up like those of a cat preparing to ruin a new string of lights on an evergreen. "That's it. Those are perfect. I need them."
"Honey, are you sure you can get them to do this?" Wizened blue eyes studied the outfits in her granddaughter's hands as skepticism clearly showed itself in the wrinkles around her mouth. "It's hard enough to keep Hiei in clothes in general."
"Oh, I can do it." The other woman, her hair dyed a seasonal shock of green, boasted without pause. "I have some secret weapons."
"And then he comes down the chimney and he gives you presents if you've been really good and fills up your stocking with candy and stuff. Last year I got this unicorn tea set, and some nail polish, and some markers, and a new tablet so I can play word games." Ashland explained to a rapt Hiei, who held a teensy powder blue ceramic teacup in his hands. Her tea went untouched. Upon realizing the little pot could actually hold and dispense liquid he taught her to make green tea so he could drink something palatable.
A mistake as the child had no clue how to make a decent cup of tea to save her life.
Still, he drank it, masking the bitterness of the lukewarm contents with copious amounts of honey.
"Oh but if you're naughty and don't listen to your parents you don't get any presents. You get a piece of ugly coal and that's all. Not even any candy!" At this declaration, for effect, Ashland lifted her head from her current art project to stare at him. "So you have to be really good all year! It's hard to do. Sometimes I do bad things without realizing it. I think saying sorry helps though. I get presents every time."
"So this red man judges your sins based on his own ill-defined moral code, decides your guilt or innocence, slinks into your home and then either rewards you or punishes you." Hiei set his cup on the carpet carefully. "And your parents just allow this?"
"Well yeah. Everyone does. It's tradition." Ashland eyed him as though he'd grown a second head. "Maybe you can come meet Santa with me this year!"
"You know this man?" Hiei was appalled. The fact that Ashland's fool of a father would allow this moronic tradition to occur didn't surprise him. But Bethany? He expected more from her.
Again he received a look of judgment. "Uh, Uncle Hiei, everyone knows Santa Claus. All grown ups have his phone number so they can call when you're naughty to ask if you'll still get presents."
"Your own parents rat you out to this red man?"
At this Ashland seemed to realize that the practice was unfair and justly scowled, mirroring his frustration. "They're all a buncha tattletells!"
"Strange that an omnipotent being would require extra information. It's possible he doesn't actually see everything, which would make sense if we're considering how many children there are to watch. He also relies on a network of informants. This could create blind spots in his intel, meaning this list is likely inaccurate at best."
"Oh no, he checks it twice." She assured him.
"Diabolical. I'll be speaking to Victoria about this." He picked up his tea and sipped it, fighting back a grimace at the taste. "Will you draw me a picture of this home invader? I want to know what I'm up against."
The front door opened and they both turned to assess who had come in. When Ashland saw it was her mother she shot up from tiny drawing area she'd arranged on the floor and ran over to her with open arms despite the fact Bethany was laden with bags up to her elbows. Hiei took his time moving toward them, taking some of the reusable bags to allow the woman to embrace her child.
"Did you two have fun?" Bethany asked, allowing the rest of the load to slip to the floor delicately.
"I was telling Uncle Hiei about Santa Claus!"
"Oh, that's nice. She loves this time of year." The woman smiled. "I got you a cute dress to wear when you go see him! But you have to keep it clean because it's for Christmas pictures too."
The garment produced was, objectively, adorable. A white bib collar with little ruffles atop a muted red and black checked short sleeve dress. A shiny satin ribbon ran around the waist, tying at the back into a bow. Even Hiei knew it would be cute on the girl. It did raise a question for him though. Were the children meant to dress up in their best to meet this judgmental red bastard? It wasn't enough to spy on them even as they dreamt, but they must also present themselves as clean cut beings, an insurmountable task given this experience with everyone under the age of ten so far. This was entirely too much effort for one day of gifts, should you even receive any.
He certainly wouldn't.
When Ashland ran up to her room to deposit the dress in a secure location, along with the black tights meant to go under it, Bethany turned to him apologetically. "I hate to ask another favor from you but Ashland's school is hosting a Santa meet and greet. It's so the kids can sit on his lap and tell him what they want and us parents can get decent pictures. They're running a little short on volunteers and I was wondering if you'd be willing to help out? She'd be really excited about it."
Help Ashland? And he'd be able to meet this being?
Hiei nodded without asking for further details. He could talk to Victoria about it and make sure he was adequately prepared for whatever may come next.
"Why is this so difficult? The only one I've managed to find a gift for so far is Hiei and I thought he'd be the last." Kurama lamented to Vanessa, who carried her own bags as they wandered the mall. "I didn't imagine Victoria would be so hard to shop for."
"Just wait until you try to pin down Grams. She's the worst. She always says things like 'All I need is you honey' or 'Just give me a picture that I can put on the wall' like, what kind of answer is that? We live in a capitalist society. I need to buy you things." Vanessa agreed readily. "I hate Christmas shopping."
"I feel this is my own fault for not preparing better. This isn't quite as pronounced an event for me." He took in the multitude of decorations adorning every facet of the mall. The giant wreaths hanging from the ceiling, the thick veins of garland strung around banisters. The lights. There was even a massive tree in the center of the mall decked out in ornaments of gold and red. Each store had it's own version of display up as well. This part he was relatively used to.
It was the fact that all of this had started back in November that threw him off a bit.
Grams' home was already alight from the outside in. She'd received her first warning letter from the electric company.
Victoria implied that this occurred later than it had the year previous.
"Let's try in here." Vanessa guided him by looping her arm through his, tugging toward another store. "Maybe we'll find something."
Kurama had arrived home just a few minutes before Hiei, having enough time to stash away his purchases before the other man strode into the house. He came downstairs to see red eyes glued to Victoria as she dropped yet another large plastic tote on the living room floor. Coming to stand beside his mohawked friend, green eyes also surveiled the scene.
"Oh good, you're both home. I was out in the shed." She dusted her hands off then wiped them on her paint speckled jeans.
They both knew those jeans and that holey, stained shirt.
Those were her cleaning clothes. Not any cleaning, mind you, but her deep cleaning clothes. The ones she wore when she made them use toothbrushes on the ground in the bathroom and remove every fiber of dust from the dwelling. They exchanged a look of dismay.
"Y'all can help me set up the decorations. We'll move around the living room first to make room for the first tree, then we'll put the second outside on the porch. The little one goes on the boat. We can put up the rest of the decorations and the lights after that. Those take more work. I already ordered food to be delivered so we don't have to stop to cook." Her smile beamed, crinkling around her eyes with actual joy despite her firm orders. "Well, come on. This shit ain't putting itself up."
"You have three trees." Kurama managed slowly.
"Yeah?" She raised on eyebrow.
"The last time I saw you with so many decorations was Halloween. I'm surprised. I wasn't sure you'd be so into this holiday." He moved toward her to help as he spoke, yanking Hiei along with him. "You haven't said anything so far."
"Last year it was harder to get into the spirit of things. I mean, other than going to Grams' I don't do much. I didn't really put effort into it. But this year I have you two here and I feel like that's worth a little more celebration. I want your Christmas to be festive as fuck, you know? A season to remember." Victoria shrugged. "That a problem?"
"Not at all. Happy to help. Just tell me what to do."
"Okay so, here's what I was thinking-"
It took a few days but they managed to empty every single tote of it's contents. The banister running up the side of the stairs bore a few pre-lit strands of garland twisted and woven around the wood. The front and back doors had wreathes covered in ornaments and bells. Every surface in the public spaces of the house held some note of the approaching holidy, even the bathroom which now had red and green towels only and a wreath on the door. Even the little rug outside the tub was chosen to compliment the theme.
It had taken Hiei some convincing to participate but she'd managed with a combination of tricks. First, she'd given him the task of dressing up the boat. She figured that would be the most interesting for him. He gave her the second in, honestly. He'd started asking her questions about Santa, why she allowed the red man near her niece. How could she let this creature into her home.
"The lights are defense against him, actually. The more you have, the less likely it is he can see you. Why do you think Grams' house is the way it is? This is the season when his power peaks so we have to go all out. He's nocturnal and so the brightness of the lights confuses him and provides valuable defense."
The look Kurama gave her was worth enduring as she watched Hiei process the information.
She made them help decorate the tree and informed them that if they saw any ornaments out and about that they liked to pick them up and add them on. Some people liked real specific looks for their trees. She preferred a messy, sentimental approach. Hell, she still had some handmade ornaments from when she was a child dangling from the artificial green branches.
Once everything was set up she broke out the purchase she'd made with Grams'.
"No." Hiei's staunch rejection didn't deter her from brandishing the matching pajama sets.
"Why?" Kurama asked, deflated and expecting she'd get her way.
"It's cute!"
"Is it though?" Kurama wondered aloud, wincing. "It seems a littleā¦"
"It's perfect. We put them on, sit in front of the tree, take a few pictures, then that's it. You never have to wear them again." Victoria explained. "Come on. Just a few minutes of being tacky. It won't kill you. I just want some cute pictures for Christmas cards."
"No." Hiei repeated adamantly as his arms folded over his chest. Southern accent thicker than cold molasses he added. "I won't do it."
"Please?" She moved her attention from him to Kurama, bottom lip jutting out slightly. "It might be my only Christmas with you guys and then you'll go back to your lives and I just want something to remember this by. Just a few pictures."
Kurama frowned, eying Hiei who shook his head in warning. Daring him to agree to this.
"Fine. We'll do it."
"No!"
"He'll do it." Kurama assured her. "Just a few pictures."
"Thank you, K-drama. This actually means a lot to me. I've never actually done Christmas cards before. It's always just been me, pretty much." The truth of the words shone in her eyes, revealing an underlying current of sadness that she quickly hid with a smile. "It's going to be awesome! Go change!"
When they returned from the bedroom upstairs, Victoria was already dressed in her green and black checked pajama bottoms, the long sleeves of her shirt matching the pattern. The center piece of the top was Christmas red, a fuzzy reindeer taking center stage. She wore a Santa hat crookedly so her green still shone through. Hank the dog had on a similar version of the pajamas and a bright red collar. She held out a headband with reindeer antlers to Kurama and an red and green elf hat to Hiei.
The tripod had been set up, a test photo taken so she knew how to arrange them. She put herself on the and Kurama in the back, Hiei in front of the redhead and Hank in front of her.
"Smile." She demanded just before the flash went off, the timer doing it's job. At the same instance Hank lunged forward, tail wagging, and Hiei twisted to snarl at Kurama. "Let's do that again."
It took Kurama putting a death grip on Hiei out of sight of the camera to keep him still (though he refused to smile). It was impossible to keep both Hiei and Hank in the picture without moving at the same time so in an effort to get what she could, Victoria allowed the dog to leave. The ordeal took longer than expected but once it was done, she held the camera with a grin, turning it around to show them the masterpiece.
"It's actually not bad." Kurama nodded, the bells on his headband jingling with the movement. "If only someone would have smiled like a normal person."
"Fuck off." Hiei growled at him. "Why would I want to smile when I'm being dressed up like a doll and forced into something I don't want to do."
"If you think this is bad, just wait until you get your costume for Ashland's Santa thing." Victoria huffed with humor as she scrolled though the mishap photos. "You're going to hate it. I was surprised when Bethany said you'd agreed."
"What?" Hiei stared at her harshly. "What are you talking about? I'm just going to assess this big red bastard."
She lifted her head and then blinked, and then she laughed. And when he demanded an answer she laughed harder.
"You know what. This will be a lot funnier if I don't tell you." She looked over to Kurama. "You're going to love this."
It was the week before Christmas and all through the school, not a being was rational they were all fools. Parents in ties and children in tights, the Christmas play had proven a sight. Ashland, an angel, had sung with much glee, but her notes were all off as a child's would be. Still in a dress of white with fake wings, she met with her uncle who was particularly grumpy.
From his funny elf hat down to his shoes, Hiei was ready to maim and to bruise. The children were laughing, playing in line and he was ready to whoop some behinds. But Ashland reminded him he promised to play, and so he was forced (begrudgingly) to stay. The bells on his toes made him want to die, but worse would be seeing her cry. So for her, he decided to behave and it was the single best performance anyone ever gave. At the end of the night after pictures were done, he waited behind so they could be alone. He targeted the fat man in red, and told him "if you mess with that girl I'll make you wish you were dead".
After that night Hiei felt much better, knowing he had delivered Santa his letter. Kurama and Vick watched with a wheeze, both about ready to collapse to their knees. When it was all over and they headed home, Victoria reminded, "That wasn't the real Santa you blood thirsty gnome."
"What the fuck do you mean?" Hiei demanded.
"I mean that wasn't the real Santa. Everyone knows that." She sighed and looked to Kurama with a wink. "Santa sends his helpers to the malls and stuff because there's too many events for him to attend. But I'm sure that'll get on the naughty list none the less."
"I don't care about receiving coal. I don't want that bastard sneaking up on me in my sleep."
"He won't. Just remember to keep the lights plugged in." Victoria nodded. "You're safe with me, Hiei."
"Ashland's parents are brainwashed into believing this fine."
"It's because Ashland is a good kid and they don't have to worry about her getting punished." Kurama reminded him. "It would be different if it were, say, Yusuke. I'm sure."
"Oh, one hundred percent. That kid would have only received toothpaste and an ass whoopin' for Christmas."
"Santa hits them?!" Hiei snapped, eyes wide. "I'll murder him if he so much as thinks of his raising his hand-"
"Ashland is safe. I promise. I have an in with the big guy and he says she's been very good this year. So unless she takes a page from your book and starts threatening to kill people for no reason, I think it'll be fine. You know, you could help her out by being a better example."
"What?"
"I mean, she loves you." Victoria's eyes on the road meant she missed the sudden flush in Hiei's cheeks that he tried to cover with a glare, sinking down into a sulk. "She emulates you. Be a better role model so she doesn't have to worry about Santa."
"Maybe I should spend Christmas Eve there. Just in case. I'm not afraid of this red man. Even without my dragon I know I can take him in a fight." Hiei's declaration earned a chuckle from Kurama who pointedly didn't answer when the other man demanded to know what was so funny.
In true Hiei fashion, the crimson eyed former demon couldn't sleep on Christmas Eve. It didn't matter that they didn't have a chimney. Ashland told him that Santa could make one if he needed to. Or he could just use the front door, because parent's would give him spare keys. The lights were blazing and bright when he wandered down to the living room to check the locks. Shoving a chair under the front door handle he went out the back and sat on the porch with beer. He'd have gone to the boat but Victoria had made him unplug those lights as they drained the battery. That seemed like a her problem in his opinion, but he relented. It was easier to protect the house if he in it anyway.
At some point Kurama descended the stairs to check on him and usher him back into the house. "I'll stay up with you."
Hiei took the armchair, Kurama took the couch and they put on a quiet television show as soft background noise.
When Victoria crept downstairs in the early morning she found them both fast asleep. It was blurry and grainy but the picture she managed on her phone was still cute none the less. She sent it to Grams with the description, 'waiting up for Santa.'. And it was cute until Grams pointed out Hiei was holding a knife.
Still, she dared to creep a little closer and put wrapped box on the arm of the chair for him labeled From Santa. She'd even typed a note that read 'This is your first try so I'll let it slide, but next year try to be a little better Hiei.'. She laid one next to Kurama too, no note needed but from the same giver. Then she smiled and went back to bed and hoped that her idiots had a good Christmas when they woke up.
