AN: Sheesh! My apologies. I know I haven't updated in a while but new school year, new curriculum (which I hate), new very social children. Have to make time to sigh let alone write. I'm also finishing up Full Circle so that I can truly concentrate on this story. I know exactly where this is going and what it will take to get there. I just have to find time to do it all.
Anyway, enjoy! I will assume that you all know the disclaimer in my first chapter still applies. Thanks for reading (and reviewing!)
Chapter 2
The 16th precinct
Downtown, Manhattan
November 24, 2004
"Finally!" Elliot exclaimed as he threw his completed DD5 to the side of his desk. He'll give it to Cragen on his way out. "What time can we expect you tomorrow Liv? Dinner is at 3:00." His words came out a bit garbled as he was talking through a yawn while standing and stretching.
"Thanks, El" Olivia replied wearily. But I'm catching tomorrow and Friday." She always volunteered to work the Thanksgiving holiday. As she had no family to break bread with, she enjoyed being able to give her coworkers the peace of mind of not being pulled away from their turkey dinner. Munch would be on call to come in if needed, but every other year she had managed alone. It seemed most would-be rapists fell into a turkey induced coma after dinner. Elliot knew this, but he invited her to their family meal every year. Unfortunately, Olivia knew that things were anything but 'happy' in the Stabler household lately and she wasn't about to make it anymore uncomfortable than it was bound to be.
"Well, if it stays quiet, you're welcome to join us; even if you eat and run." He grinned while walking to the captain's office before leaving. Olivia watched him walk away.
"Happy Thanksgiving, Elliot" she called after him as he turned around in the elevator and waved.
oooooo
2 days later
Olivia had been dreading this moment for the past 6 months. The squad room was empty as it was after 8 on Black Friday. There was only one call that she and Munch practically jumped at, but it turned out to be a false alarm. She had the weekend off and it might even snow, which was fine with her. She was exhausted and planned to hibernate. Olivia couldn't put it off any longer so took a deep breath and walked towards Cragen's office. Munch left earlier and since it was practically just the two of them, he left his door open.
"Cap, I need to speak to you" she said timidly causing Cragen to raise his eyebrows as she closed the door.
"Of course, come. Sit." He gestured to one of the chairs as he came around to the front of his desk. "What's going on Liv?"
"I. Umm. Fuck. Cap…" She had no idea how to explain herself but his gaze never wavered and he didn't say a word. Cragen always found it best to let his detectives explain themselves before he chimed in. He usually avoided a screaming match with this tactic.
Olivia was suddenly on her feet suddenly lifting her oversized sweater. "Don, I'm pregnant." To say Cragen's jaw dropped would be an understatement. Olivia was most obviously very far into her pregnancy and she decides to tell him now? He couldn't stop staring at her stomach.
"Detective" he had to remain professional at the moment. This wasn't Olivia sharing joyous news; this was one of his best detectives revealing a secret that should have been shared months ago. "I can see that. How far along?" He knew he sounded callous, but he couldn't help it. Why didn't she tell him sooner?
"I'm due March 31st, give or take" she stated as she readjusted her clothing and sat back down. She was exhausted and clearly trying to keep her emotions in check in front of her captain. This was clearly written all over her face and body language so Cragen softened.
"Well, congratulations Olivia. I'm truly happy for you." She would of course have to be assigned to desk duty, leaving the rest of the squad shorthanded during the holidays. But before he could say anything else, Olivia interrupted him.
"Thanks Cap. I just needed to let you know since I'll be unable to hide it much longer" She stood up to leave but Don pulled her back.
"Liv. I don't mean to pry or sound indelicate, but is the father involved?" Admittedly he didn't keep track of his detectives dating habits, but he was pretty sure Olivia wasn't seeing anybody.
Olivia looked at her captain and started shaking and although her eyes pooled with tears, she would be damned if she let any fall in front of him. "No Cap. I'm alone in this. I will raise this child on my own." She seemed to shrink a bit while saying the words but her voice was steady, strong, and unwavering.
"No, Olivia. You are not alone. Whatever you need." He looked so genuine that one rogue tear slid down her cheek. She of course, quickly wiped it away.
"I should go, I'll see you Monday."
"I'm assuming you'll be telling the rest of the squad? I mean, the oversized sweaters can only hide so much." He couldn't help a small smile.
She's thought about that quite a lot ever since the morning sickness started in August. Thankfully, it was truly only in the morning and once the vomiting was done, she was good to go for the rest of the day. Everyone just assumed she was hot and tired like the rest of them. It had been a busy summer for the SVU squad but now, all she wanted to do was eat and sleep.
"I need to talk to Elliot, then I'll spread the word." Cragen was a bit surprised that Elliot wasn't the first Olivia told, or that he hadn't already figured it out since he's with her almost all the time. Then again, he knew that if Elliot had any idea, he would have been the first (after himself) to glue her ass in a chair months ago, let alone allowing her to catch practically by herself these past two days.
"Sooner rather than later Olivia. He and Fin are catching this weekend. Tell ya what, I'll send him to check on you as soon as he comes in tomorrow. I'll let Munch know he's on standby just in case." He began to escort her to the elevator after stopping at her desk to gather her belongings.
"Thanks Cap. For everything." She quickly gave him a one-armed hug right before the elevator doors closed leaving him to wonder just who the baby's daddy was and why Olivia felt like she had to be alone.
oooo
Elliot stood outside Olivia's door with his hands full. Cragen called him very early asking him to check on Liv before coming in. Apparently, she "wasn't feeling well" when she left yesterday so Elliot brought her some turkey soup that Maureen had helped him make this morning from the myriad of leftovers still in the fridge. He knocked several times and was becoming impatient.
"Liv, it's me. Open up!"
Finally, he heard the locks click and she opened the door. She really did look tired. She was wearing a very large baseball jersey over a pair of blue pajama bottoms. "What time is it?" she asked wearily while rubbing the sleep, or lack thereof, out of her eyes.
"It's 7:30. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. Cragen called and told me you weren't feeling well so I brought you some provisions. Jesus, Liv. You look terrible!"
"Thanks so much" she said sarcastically as she plopped back on her couch while Elliot walked into her kitchen. "I feel fine actually, just tired. I haven't been sleeping well lately" she admitted. Truth be told she hadn't slept well since waking up bruised, naked, and confused.
Elliot joined her on the couch and put the back of his hand on her forehead, the same way he does for his kids and Olivia tried to shake him off. "Yeah, well he called, I came. I brought you some turkey soup." A wide smile spread across his face at that moment because Olivia's stomach growled, loudly. "What's going on? Are you okay?"
"No. I mean yes, I'm okay but there's something I need to tell you. Cragen didn't send you here because I'm sick. He sent you so I can tell you that…I..." Olivia looked down at her hands fidgeting in her lap. "Elliot, I'm pregnant. I'm due in early spring." She finally looked into his eyes. He flickered his gaze from her face to her stomach and back again.
He was surprised, but he didn't show it. He couldn't remember the last time Olivia went on a date. He didn't miss a beat though. "Congratulations, Liv! I'm so happy for you." He reached over to pull her into a hug. Her response however, came as a bigger shock than her revelation. She balled the front of his shirt into her fists and burst into tears. Not the sweet 'Oh, I'm so happy,' pregnancy hormone tears, but these gut-wrenching, body shaking, soul-crushing sobs from deep down in her throat. What the hell? Olivia Benson didn't cry; not in front of anyone anyway. He knew she cried, alone in her apartment after shooting Eric Plummer. And she even held it together after her mother's passing. This hysterical Olivia Benson was way out of his comfort zone. All he could do was hold her tight, rub her back, and tell her everything is going to be all right because he had to believe it would be.
Her back started to ache. She had been bent over sobbing into Elliot's chest for almost a half hour. Her throat was dry, her eyes were swollen, and again, her back hurt.
"I'm sorry, El. It's just..." She was trying her best to slow her breathing and avoid the hiccups. "I haven't told anyone. I mean, anyone until I cornered the Captain last night. It all seems so unreal." Saying it out loud made her feel better. There was no turning back now.
"Who's the father?" He didn't mean to ask like that, but they never pulled any punches with one another so why start now?
Other than Melinda, no one knew about that morning. She wasn't about to tell Elliot, he wouldn't understand A) how could she let, whatever happened happen and B) how come she didn't report it?
"No one you know and he's not in the picture anyway." She finally pulled far enough away from his chest to look him in the eyes. "I'm sorry, I've ruined your shirt." That was an understatement. Not only was it soaked to his skin from her tears and various other liquids that leak when you cry uncontrollably, but it was beyond wrinkled where she crushed it in her fists as if he would float away if she didn't hold on tight.
Elliot didn't push her on the father issue, not now anyway. Instead, he smiled and joked. "Well, at least I don't have court this morning. I'll change when I get to my locker. I'll take the casual weekend look to a new level." That got a smile from her. "Seriously, Liv. Everything will be okay. I'm here, Cragen's here. Munch and Fin are here. This baby will have so many father figures, he or she will not know how to handle all of us."
"I know. Sometimes, I need some reminding that I am not really alone." She tried to stifle a yawn but was unsuccessful so she skootched towards the other end of the couch. She was beyond exhausted, physically, emotionally, and probably mentally since lack of sleep will do that to you.
"When was the last time you got any sleep?" It was a legitimate question. She never seemed this tired before.
"Hmm..aan..in..num"
That cleared that up, he thought. He wasn't about to let a pregnant woman who was this exhausted sleep on her sofa, although after looking around, it's clear that this is where she has been lying her head as of late. He got up, unnoticed, and went into her bedroom. He was right. Her bed hadn't been slept in, at least not last night. He pulled down the covers and fluffed the pillows. He made his way back into the living room where his partner lay dead to the world.
"Liv, let's get you to bed." He waited for a response but only got the same incoherent mumbling so he did what any decent partner would do. He picked her up bridal style, carried her to her room and tucked her in.
oooo
St. Mark's Hospital
263 West 78th Street
New York, NY
April 7, 2005
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Fin, get the fuck away from me or I swear instead of your hand, I'll be squeezing your nuts!"
Fin didn't have to be told twice. Where the hell was Stabler? This was his job after all, that's what partners did right? When Munch has to push a baby out his dick, Fin will be there to hold his hand. Olivia had been in labor for over 12 hours and she was a week overdue. As a result, everyone was miserable. Maybe not as much as Liv, but miserable. John and Elliot had to drive to bumblefuck Pennsylvania to inform a victim that her assailant was due to be released on parole. Of course, while they were there, they were asked to help the local PD negotiate the capture of a pedophile who locked himself in a room with three kids at gunpoint. As soon as Olivia's water broke, Cragen called Elliot but was unable to get through. Twelve hours later, Cragen was still making calls and Fin's manhood was being threatened for the umpteenth time. Thankfully, Elliot was finally on his way; most likely breaking every motorist law on the books.
"Fin?" she screamed, again. "I..." Her sentence was cut off when Elliot stormed into the room, trying in vain to dress himself in the gown they threw at him as he ran past. Fin walked over, straightened him out and pat him on the back.
"Good luck, brotha" and promptly left to wait with Cragen.
As soon as she saw him, her eyes threw daggers. It wasn't his fault she was here. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't get here sooner. But, one look and he would gladly take all the rage she threw his way because behind the death stare and threats, she was scared. He held her hand as was his duty.
When the time came, after several pushes, Elliot had to climb up behind Liv to give her leverage. She was tired and not getting very far, but she couldn't stop pushing. Having been through this three times (four since Dickie came out right after Lizzie), he put his hands flat on Liv's stomach and smoothed them down. This had such a calming effect on his partner that she stopped screaming bloody murder. She was able to bear down and push as long as she held onto his forearms. He just kept moving his hands down her belly. Finally, Liv collapsed against his chest. Elliot knew the baby was out but the room was virtually silent.
"It's a girl!" pronounced the doctor as he held up the wrinkled little red bundle. Still, silence.
"Is she okay?" ask Liv. After all, don't newborns cry when they come out.
The doctor quickly gave the baby to the attending nurse for evaluation without laying her in Liv's arms first. After the nurse took the newborn, he concentrated on cleaning Olivia up. "She has a perfect 10 on the 1-minute Apgar scale!" The nurse shouted over her shoulder as she ran the proper tests. She then wrapped the little human tightly and laid her on Olivia's chest. The baby wasn't crying, but Olivia was. Her hands were shaking so badly that Elliot had to cover them with his since he was still positioned behind her.
"She's beautiful Liv" he said as he kissed the top of her head. He didn't care what a mess she was, he always loved having this moment with his own kids and was delighted to share it with his best friend.
"Yes, but why is she so quiet? Isn't she supposed to be screaming?" Liv looked so dumbfounded and in awe and full of love all at the same time.
"Not necessarily, Olivia. Her breathing looks good, she is responsive to stimuli. You just have an old soul here Detective." the doctor reassured her as he finished up. "I had to give you a couple of stitches, nothing to worry about but you won't be running any marathons anytime soon. I can't say you'll feel good passing urine, but it was necessary.
Liv hadn't heard a word the doctor said. The little creature in her arms had 10 beautiful toes, 10 long fingers, one beautiful nose and a mouth that Liv could swear was sporting a smile. She hadn't opened her eyes yet though.
"Hi Serena." she cooed. I'm your momma!"
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