A/N: Rated M for a reason! Oh, also this may be a trigger warning. She's just a kid, but implications are made so just in case, heed the warning.

Chapter 9

Elliot could count how many times Olivia had even gotten a little teary: looking for her father, her mother's death, Gitano, Simon, Sealview, and Sonya's death stood out. That was until she told him she was pregnant. If he were being honest with himself, he almost couldn't handle seeing her like that. It was all he could do not to lay kisses on her forehead and squeeze her to make sure she knew he was there for her. Thankfully she chalked it up to hormones and fear of being alone so just having his arms around her was enough for both of them. He didn't count childbirth when he himself cried almost as much as Olivia. Who could blame him? She always made it a point to put on a brave front for everyone else, including him and her daughter. He never understood why; what they do is horrific and some of the things they see and hear would make anyone emotional. He was glad though. Badass Olivia Benson was fierce and fearless, and it made him feel good to stand next to her. To be her partner. He would never be any less proud just because she broke down every once in a while, of course. But seeing her in any other way broke his heart and made his blood boil.

The last time Elliot saw Olivia cry was six years ago when Serena couldn't take the pain of the bandages. Right now, he was a pressure cooker ready to explode and his heart was shattering slowly as he kept his eye on his partner. He felt this way and she hadn't shed a single tear. That's perhaps what worried him most. Most mothers of missing children were in such a state of panic that they couldn't see straight, crying uncontrollably. Ironically, he would have felt better had she been displaying those emotions because Liv's dry eyes were confusing to everyone around them. She was trying so hard, but he knew she was breaking apart. Outwardly, she was determined and stoic, focused on sorting through every piece of evidence, which was practically nothing, Elliot knew better. When he stood next to her earlier and put his hand on her back to move her slightly out of the way because she was reading and walking, he could feel her tremble and try to hold it in.

Elliot thought the day the fireworks exploded in the precinct was the worst day of his life. The car accident when Eli was born was a very, very close second but even then, he knew Olivia was there taking care of both his then wife and unborn/newborn son. His worry never reached panic level. Even when he looked under the desk and had to rush Serena into the ambulance, he hadn't reached panic level because he was able to hold her. He was able to hug Olivia and reassure himself and her both times. Now, this was just off the charts as the ultimate worst day ever. Technically, it's been two days, but sleep was not an option, so the hours bled into one another and they kept on going. This time, he couldn't protect Liv's little girl because she was nowhere to be found. He couldn't hug or reassure Olivia either because she wouldn't let him. There were no words. No one was allowed anywhere close enough to touch her, except when he stopped her from crashing into that group of people.

The school was covered in cops within 15 minutes yesterday. Olivia stayed on the floor where she landed from shock and stared out at the empty lot. Elliot stood sentry; no one came near to question her once they made eye contact with him. He was infinitely grateful for the two new detectives because they were going to handle his and Liv's open cases during this time. Their presence also freed up Fin to lead this investigation, which Elliot knew would end up at the FBI and the Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Cragen was the one to come and get Olivia's official statement. The captain even sat on the ground and allowed Elliot to stay by her side. He had no choice really, since the captain knew he wasn't about to go anywhere. She wasn't crying, but she was shut down, methodical, almost robotic and never making eye contact. Once Elliot helped Cragen back to his feet, he went to reach for Olivia but when she realized what he was trying to do, she shook him off, stood, and walked back to the car. No one dared suggest she go home; she was going to stay at the station house until she found her daughter. Elliot vowed she would not be left alone.

-SVU—

Momma it hurts. I'm scared. I'm tired and I want to go home. I'm sorry I cried, it just hurt so much! Serena laid silently on her right side, tears still streaking down her cheeks as she curled into the fetal position. "The Doctor", as he told her to call him, had given her a sleeping bag and an extra-large blanket that would have even hung on the floor of Olivia's bed. Right now, she was triple wrapped up in it inside the bag. She was also given more ibuprofen, some white pills that tasted nasty to swallow, and water.

I feel funny. It's hard to think, everything is all fuzzy. Those white pills were hard to swallow Momma. I remember taking chewable pills a long time ago, but he said if I didn't take them, I'd regret it. He scares me so much! I don't want to sleep. What if he comes back? What if a critter comes crawling up like a rat in the subway since I'm underground? Actually, I think I'll take my chances with an animal. It smells so bad here. Makes it hard to breathe, like I'm trying to take in dirt.

The Doctor had cleaned her up and dressed her in winter clothes that he brought with him, a sweat suit and woolen socks. She had no idea what happened to her dress after he took it off her, but she was grateful because she was freezing. He told her that although it was technically spring, it was always colder underground. When he climbed back up the ladder and opened the ceiling door, she could see it was dark outside. She had lost all track of time.

He was with her for hours. Serena could tell he was trying to be gentle, almost as if he didn't want to hurt her, but it couldn't be helped. He was so big! In between he would check "Heaven" for any bruises and even apologized as he cleaned out a cut that she got when her back scraped against a sharp rock. He then scolded her for trying to get away from him, but he didn't hit her again. He was violent one minute, gentle the next. She was so confused. She saw the sex video at school last year and she and Olivia had a very open discussion about all the details. Serena even got Olivia to explain more about what she did in the Special Victims Unit. It made Serena so proud that her mother was part of the elite squad, helping all those women and children, and even men (although that was very confusing to her).

Momma, I need the elite squad. I'm one of those people who need your help now. People know better than to go against you, not because of Elliot, even though he's a big part of it, but because they are afraid of you! You're tougher and braver than most of them are. I know you will beat the snot out of "The Doctor" when you find me. Elliot will then kill him, no explanation needed, and Uncle Fin would hide his body where no one can find it. Then, Uncle Munch will come back and make up some crazy conspiracy theory around the disappearance that would confuse everyone, so no one would ever want to look into what happened. Nick and Amanda are new, but I believe they will back us up, for you.

How will you find me? Oh, why did I go to Mr. Reynolds? Wait, where is Mr. Reynolds? He was always so sickly, and I don't understand how he can continue to be a janitor. Actually, I thought he retired last year, before I was at the middle school full time. But how could I not go to him? He was on the floor, tangled up in his brooms and stuff. Did he let The Doctor take me or did he hurt him in order to get me? Is Mr. Reynolds still alive? If he is, he's probably wishing he was dead right now because Momma surely spoke to him as soon as she discovered I am missing. My name is Serena, not Heaven. I am missing, and I am nowhere they could find me. Momma, you are the elite squad. Please find me. Please find me before he comes back.

Serena kept repeating her plea in her mind, pulling her blanket tighter around her and as best she could move, burying herself deeper into the sleeping bag. Despite the cold, the pain, and the fear, exhaustion took hold and she fell into a fitful sleep, her tear tracks still wet on her cheeks.

-SVU—

Nothing. It frustrated Liv to no end that they had nothing! If they didn't see Serena walk into that room on the video, it would be as if she vanished into thin air. Even with that footage, they were no closer to having any clue what happened. Who called her over? The janitors were all investigated and cleared and there was no evidence of foul play, just her abandoned backpack. Teachers were all where they should be, and every student had been accounted for at that time. Someone she knew was in that room. If someone she didn't know spoke to her or asked for help, she would have helped by going to an adult. Who were they missing?

Serena. We are missing my little girl. My little girl is missing. She is scared. Wherever she is, I can feel how terrified she is. It's so odd because I'm just as terrified, but this feeling doesn't belong to me. A therapist would say I'm projecting or something, but I know that I can feel my daughter's terror and I can't do a damn thing to stop it. I can't breathe. Of God, just let me find her. I can help her through everything, but I just need to find her...

Elliot saw the change in Olivia's state. She started to breathe heavily, almost as if she couldn't take a deep breath and he was worried she would hyperventilate. Her eyes darted across the floor. He had to intervene, even if it meant her anger.

"Liv, I'm going to take you home. Don't argue with me" he said as he thought she was about to protest. Oddly, she did not. "Everyone is out looking for her and Fin isn't going anywhere but you can't be here. Not right now, not like this." He wasn't surprised when she didn't move on her own, but he was surprised when she finally allowed him to help her up. He knew he had to act quickly because she was making these strange sounds and started to visibly shake. Luckily, most everyone else was either off interviewing or had their eyes glued to screens looking for leads.

"Move" he commanded of the crowded corridor as everyone instantly looked up and got out of the way. The elevator doors opened on cue and after he got her inside, the look he gave several others as they attempted to board made them instantly change their minds. Elliot had no idea Cragen had been watching and had called down to Nick, who was coming in from a case, and had him bring the sedan to the back doors so when Elliot got Olivia outside, he immediately opened the passenger door and helped her in before speeding away.

"Stop the car El." She said after just a couple blocks. She spoke so softly he almost missed it. "I need you to stop!" she screamed so he pulled into the head of an alley. Olivia practically tucked and rolled as she couldn't get out of the car fast enough. As soon as she took three steps, she bent in half and vomited. She hadn't eaten since breakfast with Serena yesterday, but bile is always present. She just retched and heaved for several minutes as Elliot stood back. He wasn't sure if she would allow him contact just yet, or at all.

When her convulsions stopped, she turned and leaned her forehead against the wall. The dam finally broke. She was shaking so hard, Elliot felt his teeth chatter and he wasn't even touching her. Her sobs were guttural, gut-wrenching and once again, he saw her legs give out. This time, he was right there to catch her before she hit the pavement. He grabbed her from behind and slowly sat her down in his arms, between his legs with her back against his chest. He had to wrap his legs around her because for some reason, she felt like she was trying to run. This was the only way he could hold her still. Her cries. Her cries will be a part of his nightmares for years to come.

They sat on the pavement at the mouth of that alley for a very long time. The only sounds Olivia made now were residual hiccups and those made as she tried to catch her breath. He loosened his grip on her just enough so they can simultaneously stand. He led her back to the car and drove her back to her apartment. Once he ushered her inside, she went straight for Serena's room and stood in the doorway. It was exactly as she had left it of course. After all, she was only headed to school. Liv slowly walked towards the bed and picked up Serena's favorite teddy, Janey. It was the one thing Olivia had kept from her own childhood. Jane was prominent in several of Olivia's favorite novels and she gave it to Serena because it always made her feel better to hug it. That's what she did now. She held the bear to her chest and climbed into her baby's bed. Elliot didn't think she had any tears left, but he was wrong as he locked up and climbed in behind her. This time she turned to face him as she grabbed his shirt and buried her face in his chest. She knew at that moment her daughter was also crying herself to sleep.

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