A/N: Meant to be a healing chapter, not a dark chapter, but it may contain some triggers so warnings apply

Chapter 15

While sitting in the backseat with Liv, Serena suddenly put a big smile on her face. I've missed that so much! thought Olivia. Out loud she asked, "What's so funny?"

"Y-y-yoooouu ssstill have him whi-whipped!" she let out a tiny giggle, repeating a phrase Casey once told Olivia one ladies night in. "Hhheeeee sssstill loves you vvvvvvvery mmmmmuuch."

Olivia laughed at that herself. "I know" she admitted just above a whisper. "Me too."

Rollins was listening intently as she caught a quick glimpse in the rearview mirror. It wasn't exactly a revelation, but to hear her sergeant openly admit it (sort of) was definitely unexpected.

-SVU-

Elliot's head was pounding and all of his nerves were on edge. After getting ripped by Dodds for the way he dealt with the feds, he pulled Fin into his office and got an earful. An earful that he definitely did not want. He listened to Serena on that recording. Her voice was deeper, rougher, like it was damaged and she hadn't used it in a while. And that stutter. Where the fuck did that come from? All these thoughts came second to what the girl was implying. "Rape parties? The fucker was hosting rape parties?" These types of things were not new to Elliot, but to put Serena in the center of them was unfathomable.

"That's the gist of it, yeah" replied Fin solemnly. "Now don't get your head too deep into it right now because we gotta go hang the mother fucker. A'ight?"

As soon as Fin and Elliot entered the interrogation room, the first thing Elliot said was "Ya know that young lady you just called bitch? Yeah, she's mine" and he crossed the room in a flash, but Amir Whitlock folded in seconds. His lawyer finally showed up but Barba would not deal anything less than 25 to life for several counts of rape, filming a sexual assault, and possession of child porn for starters. Once more details emerged, more chargers were sure to be piled on. When Whitlock realized he wasn't getting any special treatment or deals, he clammed up. He knew he was not getting outta the porn charge and as soon as he saw that kid, he knew she ID'd him, and he didn't want to bury himself deeper. They got nothing more from him than Carlson would host monthly parties so guys could "come get what they pay for." Elliot was beyond pissed. His superiors could take his position and shove it because all he wanted to do was get his hands on this prick. Instead, he left the room followed shortly by Fin and Barba.

"Fuck" said Fin. That's about all any of them could say. Whitlock would be in the tombs until the morning's arraignment and Barba would fight for remand. That's all they could do at this point unless he decided to talk, Serena gave more, or they found Carlson. TARU was checking all of his computers for hidden files and photos, and CSU was set to check his apartment and work space, but that would take a while. Elliot had a bad feeling they'd end up with nothing but was saved from having to comment further by the ding of his cell indicating a text from Liv.

-Arrived safe. Mom good, building sandcastles with Serena :) Getting ready for dinner. Call me later.-

He did not want to explain this to Olivia, especially over the phone, besides, he'll be there tomorrow.

-SVU-

Since they didn't leave the city until almost 4:00, it took Liv over two hours to drive to Long Beach Island. Damn traffic on the Garden State and it was only Thursday! It had been years since she's been here and she has had no contact with Bernie Stabler since. She never would have agreed with this for any reason other than Serena wanted it so badly. She didn't even know Elliot's mother, but the idea of being free on the beach was what appealed to her. Serena only said a few more words as she gathered together what little clothes Lizzie had given her, Janey, and her backpack loaded with her equipment. Although the stutter killed her a little each time she heard it, Liv loved the sound of her voice. She wondered what it took to develop one that pronounced when the child was so articulate before.

Before leaving, Olivia picked up Chinese food for dinner. She didn't know what Mrs. Stabler liked, so she got a variety to choose from, and plenty of it. She had to put some meat on her daughter's bones any way she could and she really didn't want to impose on Elliot's mom for anything more than what was already offered, a bed on the beach. The car ride was mostly silent but not unpleasant. Liv put the top down on her Mustang and it was a hot June day. As they drove, Serena had her arms out and her face lifted towards the sun. The radio played in the background, but neither of them sang. Serena seemed to not only dislike the dark, but the quiet as well, even in the light of day. As they pulled into the driveway, Elliot's mom came out to greet them, followed by what looked like a nurse.

"Olivia! It's so nice to see you again" she exclaimed as she went in for a hug. Her hair was completely grey but otherwise, she looked exactly as Liv remembered. "When Elliot called and told me you two were coming, all I thought was, it's about time dear! You must be Serena" she said as she let go of Liv and turned towards the teen standing off to the side. Elliot gave his mother the basics, so Bernie didn't go to hug or touch her in any way. "Welcome. This is Maddie. She helps me out during the day, a few days a week but now that you two are here, Maddie can take a vacation! Come, let me show you inside" and as simply as that, Bernie Stabler turned towards the house and expected everyone to follow. Serena did, but Olivia held back.

"It's nice to meet you Maddie. How long have you been Bernie's nurse? Is there something I should know while we're here?" She knew Bernie was getting on in years and she didn't have the best mindset or track record for taking medications, but if anything else was wrong and the nurse wasn't there, Olivia needed to prepare herself as best she could.

Maddie laughed openly. "It's nice to meet you too Olivia. I'm not a nurse but a trained home health aide. Bernie's friend Gladys, who lives just over there, talked her into allowing the insurance company to provide one. She needs some help keeping up the house, making sure there's food, keeping clean, and most importantly, taking her meds. She's tricky that one, but no, you don't have anything to worry about. She has been a flurry of activity since her son called earlier. It's great to see her this way. Don't let her know I left you a note in the cabinet above the sink"

She led Liv back into the house and called out to Bernie. "Okay Bernie, I'll just be on my way. I'm trusting Olivia and Serena will take care of you just as well as I do. I'll see you on Monday then!"

"No need Maddie. Like I said, they're here now and we'll all be just fine" she dismissed the aide with her hand and continued on talking to Serena. "Have you ever been to the beach young lady?"

"Nnnnnnot for a l-l-loong t-time. Noth-nothing ffffor a long time" She didn't talk at all yesterday and only a handful of words today but those words were like daggers to Olivia's soul. Bernie took it in stride.

"Well follow me young lady!" she said enthusiastically and led Serena through the screen door out back. Just beyond the patio was the ocean. As soon as you stepped down, your toes got buried in the sand. Serena looked as if she was ready to make a beeline for the water, but she held back and waited.

"Do you o-o-own this b-b-beach Mmmmrs. Sssssst-Stabler?"

"Let's get two things straight dear. Mrs. Stabler has been dead a long time. I am Bernie, no, Grandma to you. Second, I own the house and the grounds, but not the beach, although it is a private beach for those of us fortunate enough to live here. No outsiders, no rabble-rousers, just family." She reached out to touch Serena's cheek and Serena leaned into her hand.

"G-grammmmma" Serena said softly, as if she were trying it out.

After bidding farewell to Maddie, Olivia grabbed their bags from the car and put them in the guest room with a queen bed. The other room had a full bed and a set of bunk beds that Liv presumed was for when the grandkids visit. After running to the bathroom, she followed them out back. She found them close to the shore. Bernie was sitting up on a mini stone wall and Serena was kneeling at her feet forming the bottom of a large sandcastle. Bernie seemed to be explaining the best way to build one and she of course was taking every word in. She always was a quick study. Liv decided to give them time and get herself settled. She really hasn't had a moment since she heard Fin's call over comms. She decided to take a nice hot shower and put on a pair of comfy cotton sleep shorts and a t-shirt. She may have slept through the night last night, for the first time in a long time, but emotional stress was just as exhausting as physical stress and she was already tired again.

At just after 7:30, she made her way down towards the shore. "Dinner's ready and I'm starving! Wow, that's amazing!" Her exclamation was not forced. Serena must have taken Bernie's tips and ran with them because the sandcastle really was amazing.

"Can we do thiiiiiisssss a-again ttttommmmmorrow?" she asked as she stood and held out her hand to help Bernie up as well.

"We can make a whole town if you'd like dear" stated Bernie. "We are not on any schedule, except dinner" she added. At that, Serena jumped on top of the castle and flattened it to the ground. She made that disgusted face that always made Olivia laugh when she realized that she now had sand in places that sand didn't need to be.

"Why don't you go take a shower and get comfy while I heat up the food" Liv couldn't help but laugh and Serena wrinkled her nose, nodded and ran towards the house.

"She's a pip that one" commented Bernie when suddenly, Olivia burst into tears. "Oh honey!" was all Bernie could say as she held open her arms and Liv rushed into them.

She thought she was okay. She had a quiet moment to unpack, took a nice hot shower and there was really no trigger for this outburst. She just gripped Bernie tightly as she said while sobbing, "I'm so worried about her. She's so thin, she told something awful to Fin, and that stutter. What could have cause that?" She couldn't stop crying so she just let it all out. Bernie didn't comment or offer advice. She just stroked her back and held her tight. This was not something Olivia was used to. Her mother wasn't the touchy-feely type and she's been gone too long for Liv to remember a time that she was ever soothed like this. Elliot held her of course, but that was only under extreme duress.

"Dear Olivia. All you can do is love her. I can tell she knows that. Her eyes have a darkness that is well worn it's true, but there is a light in them and that light is you. Your love for her. Your eyes are the same dear. Whatever she tells you, shows you or doesn't, don't hide honey. This crying, this is good. She may need to see this too, it could help her realize it's okay to let go too. She needs her strong mother, but she also needs her to be human. This is good. All of this. You, here, and I'll do anything you need and I'm sure that son of mine will be at your beck and call. He always was." It took Liv a few more minutes to calm down.

"Thank you Mrs...Bernie. For this, for letting us stay here, for everything."

-SVU-

By the time Olivia had all the food heated in serving bowls, Serena was sitting comfortably at the table listening to Bernie chat about the upcoming summer season. She was wearing a pair of pajama bottoms that she used to love to wear once she realized that nightgowns were more difficult to find once you hit a certain age unless you wanted to look like a grandmother or were into lingerie. They were too short to be called pants and too long to be called shorts so they were perfect for the cool breeze floating through. She wore one of Lizzie's t-shirts that was a bit too big and unbelievably, a hoodie. It was unzipped but Liv could see that there were holes cut in the cuff of the sleeves so Serena's thumbs could poke through.

"Now dear, I get chilly because I'm old but looking at you wearing that is making me sweat!" stated Bernie. "Are you cold or hiding something? Because you know, you don't have to." Olivia couldn't believe how blunt she was being, but that was the Stabler way.

"Both" answered Serena matter of factly and without hesitation.

"Okay then" said Bernie as she got up and walked away from the table. Since Liv had just sat down, she and Serena looked quizzically at each other but before Liv could voice a question to the older woman, she returned to the table with a very light weight sweater and a pair of scissors. "Try this instead" she suggested holding out the item to the confused teenager.

Serena took the sweater timidly and eyed the scissors. "A-are you shshshsure?" In response, Bernie held out the scissors so Serena ran into the bedroom and emerged just a moment later wearing the light pink sweater. When she got closer, she took the scissors and cut small holes for her thumbs before sitting back down. "Thanks."

They ate while listening to Bernie tell stories of the times the Stabler children would visit. Olivia watched Serena devour her food and then take heaping seconds like she either hadn't eaten in a while (before yesterday) or she knew she wouldn't eat again for a while, or both.

Not long after dinner, Bernie retired for the evening. "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted! I'm going to catch some sleep. You?" she asked as she stood.

Serena just shook her head. "I onnnnllly f-f-fall assssleep wh-when the sun c-c-comes up. Good nnnnight" she stated simply as she kissed Bernie on the cheek and walked over to the window.

Olivia and Bernie shared a perplexed and worried look before the older woman turned towards her room. Olivia thought Serena had fallen asleep when Elliot got to the apartment last night and held her hand. She had no idea that she only crashed just before Liv woke up. That wasn't enough sleep by any means! She watched her daughter stare out the window.

"Do you want to go out and see the stars?" she asked and she didn't even have to wait for an answer before Serena was out the back door. "I'm going to turn the lights off in the kitchen and the living room so we can get a better view, okay?" She watched as Serena seemed to debate the view she could have with the darkness that was sure to follow. The patio was just off the kitchen, so Liv ran in and turned off the lights in the living room first and approached the back door. Serena turned her head upwards. Liv took that as consent and flicked the switch before stepping fully outside letting the screen door close behind her. They both remained silent for quite some time.

"It's not too d-dark to ssseeee the the ocean" Serena suggested. "C-can wwweee go for a nnnight walk?" Liv could never say no to her so they walked down to the shoreline and walked along. Many houses had porchlights shining and the stars were so bright that Serena didn't seem bothered by the dark as long as they were not indoors. After walking down to the pier and back, they stood on Bernie's back porch.

"A-A-Amir wwwwon't tell Elllliot any anything that Uuuunncle Fin hassssn't all already." She wasn't looking at her mother, she continued to stare at the stars for so long that Liv didn't think she would continue.

"Well, I haven't spoken to Elliot yet and Uncle Fin didn't tell me anything before we left so I'm afraid I'm the one at a loss here baby. I take it that Amir is the man who shouted at you at the station?" Serena didn't answer, instead she turned towards her mother and looked into her eyes.

"Grrramma sssaid I didn't have have to hide anything, b-b-but nnneither do you. I I know you ssseee a lot of bad things hap-happen to kids, but I know I'm d-d-diffffferent cause I'm yours. Don't hide Momma. I ssssaw yyyou crying with Grrrrammma be before and it'ssssssss okay. Mmmmm…." she let out a frustrated breath as if she was trying and failing to convey a message. It was eerie to hear her use the same phrase Bernie did earlier.

She was always brutally honest with her daughter and she wasn't going to alter that now. "I was crying for several reasons sweetie. I am so relieved and beyond happy that you are here with me. Seeing your face, hearing your voice just fills me to no end." Olivia saw the disgusted look on her daughter's face when she mentioned hearing her voice. "It's true angel. It doesn't matter what you sound like, just the fact that you are talking to me. And if you notice, the more you do, the less difficult it seems to be." She watched several expressions play over Serena's face as she took in that last part.

"I was crying because I am so worried about you too. I understand you're fearful and I am here to help you with those fears. You need to eat more to make me feel better because I swear you are going to fall through a crack in the sidewalk." She let out a small laugh as she saw Serena smile at that. "And then I cried harder when Bernie hugged me like a daughter. That just caught me off guard as I'm not used to that. I only met Mrs. Stabler once and here she is opening up her heart and home to us like family. I guess it got to be a bit too much all at once. I'm sorry you saw that."

"I'm nnnot. I cccried a lot and all I wwwwwanted was t-t-to be hugged." That was an odd statement for both of them since Serean didn't hug Olivia after that initial collision and car ride home. "I'mmmm go going to show you ssssomething and i-i-it's o-o-okay to cry." She didn't wait for a response as she took off Bernie's sweater and held out her arms, palms facing up.

All Olivia could do was stare. The burn scars from long ago that used to stand out to Liv like they were still on fire now paled in comparison to the rest of Serena's skin. There was barely a spot that wasn't covered in marks of some sort. She was glad Serena had chosen this particular moment to do this because of the severe lack of lighting here. As horrible as it looked right now in shadow, Liv knew it would be ten times worse to see in full light.

"3 questions" she heard her say. It took a minute to register that Serena was willing to open up to her. It was a game they would play when one of them needed to talk but was holding back. One was allowed to ask the other three questions to get them to open up and they had to be answered fully and honestly. It always helped whomever was upset to talk and feel better without feeling attacked or ashamed. Liv's imagination ran wild these past two years and seeing her daughter's arms made her realize that she either wasn't too far off or needed to widen her imagination. "Momma?"

It was that word that brought Olivia out of the daze her head was in. "Okay. This doesn't count as one of my questions. but can I touch?" She didn't actually want to feel the scars, but she needed to. Serena nodded, and she tentatively ran her finger over the harshest looking line on both wrists. They matched. She was speechless, which couldn't be worse timing since she's not sure that Serena would be willing to answer any questions if she just stood here staring for too long. She was spared for the moment.

"Y-you all already know wh-what those are" Serena simply stated. Liv just nodded. They were handcuff scars. Unmistakable. Deeply ingrained marks from handcuffs that were fought against because they were way too tight for either too long or repeated use. In Serena's case, probably both. They reminded Olivia of the marks you would find on a dog that had an embedded collar from a neglectful owner. She moved her fingers to a long vertical line on her right arm from the scar on her wrist to the bottom of the burn. It was obvious even in the darkness that it was stitched up several times. This line was what someone did when they wanted to properly kill themselves. Most people slit their wrists across but that only serves to make you pass out and send you for a psych eval. Again, Serena spoke up.

"No. That wwwwwassssn't me. I I I fought, I p-p-prromise."

Oh thank God! I mean I would understand if it got so bad she wanted to die, but I couldn't handle it if she tried to end her own life. She lifted her eyes to stare into Serena's. In the starlight, she had flecks of Liv's favorite color blue jutting across Liv's exact color brown. She used to notice that on occasion when the child was little in the right light, but she's missed it until now. She nodded. "That's my girl."

Olivia wasn't sure she wanted to ask anything. Yes, she wanted to know every detail, but no, she didn't. She was just so grateful in this moment that her daughter was allowing her to do this that she was overwhelmed. She was spared once again but this time by her ringing phone. She just stood there, not answering so Serena took her left hand, grabbed Olivia's phone from the side table and answered it.

"Hi, Elliot" she said clearly. She could tell she caught him off guard and began to smile at the silence. "Hhhhelllllo?"

"Hi baby. I'm sorry, I was expecting your mother. Is everything okay? Is Liv in the shower?" he asked as a million questions started to spew from his brain.

"No, sheeee's rrright here b-b-but I I think ssssshhhhhe needs a m-m-minute. Ev-everything is g-g-goood. Grammma is sooooo n-n-nice and and and the b-b-beach is beautiful."

She got her calling her Grandma already? Yep. Thanks Mom. "I'm glad you like it but why do you say Liv needs a minute? Is she alright?" Needs a minute for what? Why didn't you answer Olivia?

Raising her eyebrows at her mother, Liv finally got her head on straight and took the phone, moving her left hand down to hold Serena's right, ensuring that she would not walk away.

"Hey El. Sorry. What's up?" she tried to ask casually but she knew he knew better.

"What's wrong Liv? Is everything okay?" If he got in the car now, he could probably make it down there in about 90 minutes, less with lights and sirens.

"Yes, it's all good. Serena and I were just talking, mother to daughter and the phone caught me by surprise. I promise you, we are all doing well. Your mother is a pip by the way" she said using Bernie's words to change the subject and steer Elliot to the real reason for his call. Their silent way of communicating even worked over the phone as he took the hint and switched gears.

"Yeah, she's a pip alright. Anyway, just checking in. Whitlock lawyered up so we got nothing new. Barba just told me his attorney wants to meet before arraignment tomorrow so maybe he'll give up…." He forgot that Olivia didn't know what Serena told Fin and he was sure Serena didn't mention anything, else the first words outta Liv's mouth would be to question what they got from him.

"Give up what El?" Silence. "What aren't you telling me?" This must have been what Serena was referencing earlier, before Liv got sidetracked.

Elliot wasn't about to tell her anything this late nor over the phone, but he knew she wouldn't settle for nothing. "Give up the whereabouts of Carlson or any other information he has." That would have to do for now. "He's a wily one, looking out for himself but to ask for a meeting could be a good thing. Anyway, sorry I interrupted your talk. I was just checking in."

"Uh-huh." Liv was willing to let it go-for now. "Well here's hoping. We will talk tomorrow, El." She left no room for arguments.

"Night Liv. Kiss the angel for me please."

"Will do. Goodnight" she said as she closed the phone. She leaned closer to Serena and kissed her cheek. "From Elliot" she explained when she received a confused, questioning look before a smile graced her daughter's face.

"He t-told me he mmmmade mmmmee to see if if he could." This time it was Serena who received the confused, questioning look. It was going to be hard to explain to Olivia since she seemed to be in denial all these years. At least, Serena knew Elliot figured out part of it already. "The Doc Doctor sssaid he fixed it ssssoooo yyyou would have mmmmmee with Ellliot. He sssaid he wa-wa-watched you b-both ffffor a lllong t-t-time and knew you wwwwwould mmmake an "ex-excccceptional" child t-together" she stated using air quotes. "He he ssaid it wwwas easy, all he had, all he had to do was p-p-ush."

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