A/N: Some serious mother/daughter bonding takes place. Adult subject matter but then again, the whole story is.

Chapter 24

The ride was 20 minutes of utter silence. Olivia was just about ready to pull into her parking garage when Serena spoke up. "No. I wanna go home!"

Liv was confused. "We are home baby. This is where I park."

Serena was whining. She never whined, not even when she was little. If the answer to something was no, and that was rare, she just took it in stride. Once, she even tried to convince Olivia to change her mind, not by whining, but by reason and it almost worked. Now was not like that. "No. Ssssssorrry. I, I mmeant the beach h-house. Not, not, not here." Dammit! She was too far gone to even try to control it. She wouldn't even look at her mother, she just stared at the entrance to the garage.

Olivia picked up her phone and dialed. "Hey. Change of plans. I am taking Serena back to your mom's and I need a favor. Can you please get your mom after dinner and drive her back?" She didn't quite know what to expect from Serena, but she did know that her daughter was on the edge and that she, herself would need Elliot by her side tonight. Even if it was just nothing more than his presence.

"Of course. Wanna tell me why?" Elliot asked. He had absolutely no problem commuting back and forth if they needed him to, but Olivia would never ask if there wasn't a problem.

"Can't right now, but later. Okay?"

Elliot knew that was code for the kid was falling apart and she couldn't talk right now. "Do what you gotta do. I'll take care of Mom, you take care of…Drive safe and I'll see you later."

After hanging up, Liv pulled back into traffic and headed up towards the bridge.

-SVU-

After the Bensons left and the screaming matches had ceased, Sorotsky lawyered up of course. After leaving the perp in the box with his attorney, Dodds lit into Elliot.

"What was she thinking? He could turn around and sue her and this whole department! She's lucky if she'll keep her badge after a stunt like that!"

"She was thinking how dare that the sick fuck be aroused just by the sight of her 13-year-old, traumatized daughter! You're forgetting Chief that she put her papers in. Once her leave is up, she is no longer a cop so the threat of losing her badge is really no threat at all, since it's sitting on my desk. That's number one. Number two is, do you think any judge or jury on this planet will blame her for what just happened? He's lucky I held her as tight as I did because she would have castrated him in the next blow and they would've given her a medal." He was done with Dodds and turned towards Barba. "So?"

"So?" replied the ADA as he adjusted his $300 tie. "So, now I get a warrant for pictures of his body to match what Serena told Fin. Then, we put him behind bars for the rest of his life. Anything else he gives us along the way is gravy." With that, he grabbed his suitcase and walked out of the squad room.

Elliot was spared any retort from Dodds by the ringing of his cell phone. Seeing it was Liv so shortly after they left, he excused himself to his office. Once again, they played the waiting game.

-SVU-

Since they travelled from Liv's apartment uptown and had to go across the bridge rather than speed through the tunnel from the precinct as they normally would, the drive took a little bit longer to get to the first rest stop on the parkway. Liv had been closely eyeing her daughter ever since they got back on the road. Serena was clutching the bottom of her dress like a stress ball. Clutching was the wrong word. She would scrape her fingers along her thigh, leaving imprints in her leggings, then grip the dress material so tightly it caused her skin to go pink then white. She would hold it a few moments, and then start the process all over again. Liv could see she had a look on her face that she was desperately trying to hold herself together, so she pulled the car over.

If Serena was confused as to why Liv stopped, she didn't show it. In fact, the car was barely in park before she was running out the door and over to the side where once again, she threw up. Liv grabbed a bottle of water and went after her. She made sure Serena knew she was coming up from behind, but the kid still pulled away as soon as Liv went to touch her. That made Olivia feel both desperately sad and terribly angry.

"Last question" she said, trying not to sound annoyed.

"No."

"That's not how this works" Liv persisted as she held out the bottle of water. Serena shoved her hand aside and moved further away. Shit! I forgot no bottles. That's another detail I need to add to my list. "When are you going to forgive me?" Now it was Liv's turn to sound like she was whining, almost.

That stopped Serena short. She still wasn't crying, but she had stopped vomiting for the time being and she just sat on the grass under a nearby tree. "What?" she questioned.

"I apologized for letting Dr. Paxton examine you. I told you I didn't mean for it to happen like that but you still...you still won't let me near you. All I want to do is take you in my arms, hold onto you and never let you go again because I know you'll be safe there. But you seem to hate me, and you won't even let me touch you, voluntarily. Not since our first day back. Do you...why won't…" She had to stop and pinch the bridge of her nose.

"I don't hate you, but you can't touch me Momma. You can't. They're all over me. They, they're inside and crawling out all over, all over, and I don't want them on you! Don't let them on you, don't touch me." She spoke with her head between her legs practically touching the grass with her arms wrapped around her hair.

Liv felt her soul crush at that statement. She got down on her knees and grabbed Serena's wrists, forcing her to pick her head up. Liv looked her right in the eyes and yanked her forward. Serena was protesting and if she weren't so damned tired, she would've put up a better fight. She wriggled, repeated "no" and tried to get her hands to Liv's chest or arms to push her away. But Liv was her mother. She was a cop. She was physically stronger and stronger willed at that moment, but mostly, she needed this. They both did.

"I love you. When did you forget that? I love you with all my heart and soul and... God baby." She didn't know what to say anymore. She wasn't sure if she could say anymore as the tears started rolling down her cheeks. Serena's futile attempts at breaking free of her mother's hold stopped and she just went limp against her chest, her arms pinned between their bodies. Between sobs, Liv said again. "You obviously didn't hear me. I LOVE YOU God dammit. I will kill every one of those bastards who hurt my baby. You are not dirty! They are no longer on you. Never..." At that point, the dam broke opened, again, and Olivia could no longer speak. Serena took a moment and moved her legs so she was no longer squatting over her mother, but sitting on her lap instead. She closed her eyes and rested her chin on Olivia's shoulder. She wasn't crying; but she wasn't resisting so Liv held on.

It was quite a while before Liv was able to control herself and Serena broke the silence. "I'm assuming that didn't count as your question."

Olivia looked into her daughter's eyes, after wiping her own on the bottom of her dress (as ladylike as that was sitting in public) and took a couple of deep breaths. "Okay, can you tell me about my granddaughter?" She knew that was what Melinda wanted to question her about and since she didn't get a chance to grab the M.E. or Fin, this was the time.

Really Momma? Well, it's fitting with today so far. Serena let out a long breath and scrambled off her mother's lap. They sat leaning up against the tree trunk, side by side. "I've been thinking about that, especially since lunch. You deserve to know, but I don't think I can tell you like... this. I know you'll hear about the conversation I had with Uncle Fin today, but I didn't tell him specifics either. I don't want those on any kind of police record or in court or something. I will figure out how to tell you, but not now. I'll allow another question to take its place."

"Oh, that might be against the rules as well, but I'll accept it as long as you answer all the questions I have about her as stated under the umbrella of my original question." Liv decided she would play along if Serena was willing. Anything to keep her daughter talking. Talking was healing, for both of them.

Serena found that oddly funny. "It's a made-up game so technically, if both parties agree, we can alter the rules as we see fit. Fine. I accept your terms and all details will be revealed at a later date. Last chance for the last question."

Liv was enjoying the banter even though the subject matter wasn't funny. "Okay, number three. You said The Doctor told you that he was the reason Elliot and I had you. I need to know about that. What exactly did he do? How much was he really involved? Just basically can you tell me everything you know about your conception?"

"That I can do" she began. "It was before Amir ever came down the ladder and it was just The Doctor. I knew by then not to keep correcting him when he called me Heaven. He was giving me stitches one day and he was saying how I should be glad he was good at what he did. I guess I gave him a funny look because he talked a lot that day. He asked if I wanted to hear how I was created." Serena adjusted her body so she was sitting like a pretzel in front of Olivia, who was sitting the same way against the tree on the side of a rest stop in New Jersey.

"The Doctor said that he first saw you and Elliot in Bryant Park a long time ago. You were working a case about a baby that was left in its stroller and this man was really yelling and having a fit. He said you were right in the man's face and Elliot was practically attached to your side, ready to defend or take over if you needed it, but you didn't. You were the one to put handcuffs on him and Elliot walked him to the police car. He said then you two were walking and talking and before he knew it, you were laughing and getting in your car.

"He became obsessed with you both after that. He said he followed any newspaper articles that had your name and when he wasn't on call at the hospital, he would come and hang around outside the precinct to watch and follow when you got a case. He noticed that you were always together, even when Elliot went home to Kathy, he knew he would call to check on you if you had the weekend off. The Doctor wasn't married because he said what he wanted, no woman would give him, so he decided to make it happen."

She stopped talking for a bit. She looked like she was concentrating; her eyebrows were knit, and her tongue was perched between her teeth. She used to do that when she was writing or working on her languages. Liv missed that look so much, she couldn't resist taking her finger and bopping Serena's tongue causing the child to give her a 'hey you' look. Olivia let out a small giggle. "Do you know how he made it happen? It's so odd that neither of us remember."

Serena nodded. "He was more than happy to share the details, he was very proud. He said that he noticed how after hard cases, you two would always go out for a drink to unwind. Sometimes, Uncle Fin and Uncle Munch would join you, but no matter what, before he went home, you and Elliot would go get a beer or two. He said it was a Monday, but it was slow so you both left early and Elliot was leaving you to go see his kids and The Doctor wasn't prepared for that. He had it all set up and you two couldn't separate. He shoved some kid into the street and cars started screeching so Elliot grabbed the kid before he got hit. Then you both decided to get some food instead. He knew the diner that you always went to and he put something, I can't remember what he said it was, in your drinks before they got to your table. He didn't say how he was able to do that, but I think he hurt the waitress.

"You both kept drinking and not really eating and when you went to stand, you almost fell. He said he took you both to a special place and he was talking to you. Telling you how much he knew you both wanted to "screw each other's brains out" and "fuck like bunnies." Sorry, but that's what he said." Her new predilection for cursing was still a bit uncomfortable for both of them. "When he got you inside, he had to practically shove you both together before nature took over and you had sex. He said you didn't disappoint which confirmed to him what he knew the whole time. That you were more than just attracted to each other. You both liked it fast and rough, over and over until you passed out. He then took you both home. He had to drive Elliot's car back to Queens and he watched him just walk in and apparently went to bed. By then it was the middle of the night. Elliot went to the hospital the next day, Kathy took him, but you didn't. You didn't go to work either, but The Doctor didn't know where you went."

"I went to see Melinda. I didn't know what happened: if I took some guy home, if I was attacked. I knew I had sex because it was obvious, but I couldn't remember anything! I'm ashamed to admit it but having sex with random men was something I did to unwind back then. Anyway, she kept everything off the record so no one would ask questions."

"He thought you did something like that. He continued to watch you for a while and he knew when you went to the doctor. He was thrilled you were pregnant. He said he was in the hospital when you went into labor and he got angry that Uncle Fin was there instead of Elliot and he was going to do something but then Elliot came in all crazy and out I came. He watched us until I was old enough to join him. He said he finally had the one person who would be what he needed, do what he wanted. His Heaven."

They were both quite for a while, lost in their own thoughts. Liv was contemplating all that her daughter just told her. Her conception was staged by some sicko just so he could take her for his own demented pleasures. Serena was Liv's whole world and she always wondered about her "father" and now she knew. She was wonderfully relieved that it was indeed Elliot and not some nameless ass she brought home. She always wanted her child to be conceived in love and since she and Elliot really did love each other, she supposed that is true in a roundabout way.

"I know what you're thinking" Serena said finally looking her mother in the eye. "You never wanted to have this kind of conversation with me, I understand that. I also know that Elliot loves you and he loves me, and I may not have been planned or created in any traditional way, but I know you love me and that's all that matters. Plus, now you and Elliot can really be together because if the other day was any indication, he can make you very happy."

I can't believe I am discussing my sex life with my barely teenage daughter like we are talking about what is for dinner! Olivia knew her cheeks were red, and she didn't know quite what to say, but once again, Serena took the lead.

"Don't be shy or embarrassed Momma. You and I both know the worst about sex, the horrors that men do and the pain that most people can never imagine. You see it, I lived through it. If it were up to me, I'd never think about it again, but I am cursed with the memory of every single second of every day that I've been on this earth, as long as I was awake and... never mind. But you also know the good that sex could be. I heard you Momma, and even though you were screaming, you were not in pain. Elliot brings you happiness and that is the good kind of sex. That is the love. I know that sometimes sex doesn't hurt. Sometimes when The Doctor wasn't angry, he was very gentle, so my body would feel different. It would feel like….mmmmmm...like" she was flustered for the words. This was something that was never discussed so she had nothing to fall back on.

Olivia understood and she absolutely hated what she was about to say. "Your body reacted with pleasure. Our bodies respond to the stimulus that sends pleasure signals to our brain that then allows our bodies to react. We, as women, can release fluids and contract our muscles until the wave passes. It's called an orgasm. Most of the time, we feel good afterwards."

"He didn't call it an orgasm. He kept telling me he wanted me to come, but we didn't go anywhere. "Come for me Heaven. I want to see it." Weird but yeah! When he did that, and it was not too often believe me, but my headache would stop pounding so hard or the cramps would be relieved for a while without any pills. He told me that I was good and deserved a treat. I actually didn't mind that. Speaking of headaches and cramps, can we get going home now?"

Olivia was glad for the reprieve. She had a lot to discuss with Elliot tonight, and probably a therapist later. Jesus Christ! "Still not feeling well baby?"

Serena shook her head. "Usually when this feeling that I've been having for the last few days happened before, he would eventually give me more pills and I'd be fuzzy again. I haven't had a pill and I will not be taking any. Please don't make me see another doctor!"

"Of course not. Your body is healing itself, detoxing in its own way. You've had a very stressful day, which is a hysterical understatement of the past two years. But I am so glad you talked to me. It was embarrassing for both of us, but I promise from now on this is what we will do. Open and honest, no more embarrassment or holding back. You can tell me anything, ask me anything only next time, let's not do it on the side of the road." They both smiled and stood up, making their way to their new home.

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