AN: Woo Hoo! Many thanks to piakat04 and spacekitten2700 for reviewing each and every chapter so far. I love hearing what you think, it helps keep the creative juices flowing.
Chapter 25
This case was still headline news and now that a district judge was involved, everyone wanted a piece of it. Elliot was so relieved that Olivia took Serena back to the beach, press was parked everywhere. Normally, the rape shield law protected victims' identities but all of New York was kept apprised of Serena's kidnapping and her return was uploaded by dozens of bystanders, so she was unfortunately afforded no privacy. The public wanted every detail they could get their hands on. So did Elliot, but he was going to make damn sure his kid was not put through public humiliation to get it. A warrant was quickly issued for pictures of the judge's body. His lawyer tried to protest but Barba is very good at his job. As soon as Sorotsky dropped his pants, everyone knew he would be spending the rest of his life with the perps he helped put away.
Elliot was having a shit day with this development and all he wanted to do was go home and hug Olivia. He couldn't believe how strong that urge was. There were many cases over the last 3 decades that made him want to be with his wife, but that feeling was never as strong as this. He had called Bernie and said he would stop in to see the girls before taking her home. He was leaving earlier than usual when Barba appeared in the bullpen.
"We need another statement, Lieutenant. We need to know everything she does about Judge Sorotsky. Every encounter, alone and with the others. I want these charges to stick and I want him to fry. Whitlock got the easy way out."
Elliot knew he was right. When he called Liv to let her know he would be there soon, she sounded wiped. Not tired as she has been, but like she knew something she never should have had to hear. Two years of horrors for them and now Serena would have to tell every detail of it, repeatedly while Olivia helped her through it. There weren't enough curse words in any language.
"Fin" he called to his lead detective. "I'm going to head home to the girls. We got Sorotsky, but we need a formal complaint. How about you come to the house tomorrow? It might be easier for her. Given the last two times, I'm not sure if she'll want to set foot in this place again."
Fin was getting ready to leave himself. He had an appointment and Carisi was going to stay on call for him. He turned around and grabbed the recorder and his notepad. "10:30? That'll let the morning traffic pass before I hit the road."
-SVU-
Elliot had dessert with the girls and updated them on Serena, with limited details of course. He became speechless when they handed him a basket full of chocolates, a notebook journal, fancy pen, a sketch pad with colored pencils and a stuffed purple dragon. There was a note inside for Serena as well. They did not know that she was indeed their little sister, but they absolutely treated her like one. After giving each of his daughters a fierce hug, twice, he walked his mother to the car and began the ride home. He knew Liv would want to hear the recording of Serena's lunch conversation and all the details about the judge. He wanted to know exactly what prompted the return to Long Beach Island rather than the planned stay at Liv's apartment. Mostly, he just wanted to hug the woman he loved, and his youngest daughter.
It was 8:30 when the truck pulled into the driveway. The sun was just setting, but it was still light enough to see with just the solar lights along the path. Elliot didn't bother to go inside, it wasn't raining. He found them on the patio. Serena was curled up on her side in the lounger that was pushed so close to the one Liv was sitting on that it practically became a couch. She had her knees up and a wet rag on her head and neck. Olivia was right next to her with one hand holding a cup of tea, the other holding Little Women. She stopped reading and they both looked up when they heard the truck and just waited for his footsteps. Bernie was right behind him.
"Hi!" Liv said as she stood. "I'm so sorry Bernie, we really needed to come home otherwise I never would have left you."
"Don't be silly dear!" replied the older woman. "It was me who called and said that I wanted to stay longer. I really would have taken the train or got a hotel you know. But if everything is okay, we will discuss it all tomorrow. I am exhausted!"
Liv gave her a hug and Serena got up to do the same. Her eyes caught sight of the basket in Elliot's hands. He held it out to her and she sat back down as her grandmother made her way inside. Olivia wasted no time throwing her arms around Elliot's neck. He could tell she was shaking, barely holding everything in, but being Liv, she didn't show it. He whispered in her ear and rubbed her back while he watched Serena read the note and go through the basket. The look she gave him was so worth the trip to get his mom. She immediately took out the journal, made herself comfortable and started writing. All the while, Liv held on.
"Baby, I'm gonna take your mom inside to talk. You'll be okay out here?" He knew that was a stupid question which was confirmed when he saw her right hand go up with a dismissive wave while she kept writing. "Come inside babe" he whispered to Liv as he practically dragged her inside their room, leaving the door open. As they sat on the bed, Liv couldn't seem to get close enough. She was smooshed into Elliot's side. Fists gripping the front of his shirt.
"Shhhh. Tell me" he said quietly right before she jumped into his lap and sobbed into his shoulder. He was so confused as she sat there shaking and clutching on for dear life, crying her eyes out. Serena seemed fine sitting there when he came in and she was unfazed being left alone, so what the hell is Liv hysterical over? All he could do was hold her, comfort her and wait.
Several moments passed before Olivia was able to catch her breath. Elliot's shirt was soaked to his skin but he never said a word. When she pulled herself together, she spoke.
"I'm sorry. I don't even know what this was about." She proceeded to tell him everything that Serena had shared and how she was feeling. "It's not like I wasn't expecting it. I know she was...raped but just the way she talks about it, like she was recounting her day at school is very unnerving, El. Then to find out how we were manipulated into having her, it's like, well it isn't just like, we were violated too! I mean, I wouldn't change a single second of what happened back then, well, except to remember because Serena is my everything, she is all I have so I guess I should be grateful because God knows the two of us sure have a way of not acknowledging our feelings and she never would have been conceived otherwise it's just…"
Elliot knew exactly what she meant, with one correction as he interrupted her run-on sentence. She needed to take a breath after all. "Serena is not all you have Liv, you have me, and I am not going anywhere, this I promise you." He pulled her close and kissed her forehead.
Liv pulled up short. "Let me hear the recording. I know you have the conversation she had with Fin and Melinda so let me hear it." He stared at her, seeming to debate whether or not to give in. "I asked her about the baby El. She said she couldn't tell me about it yet, she will, just in time. Please let me hear it." Not one to deny her anything, he pulled out his phone and played the conversation.
"The bastard induced early labor and left her alone to deliver the child. He knew that baby was dead because he killed it and... Dear God, Elliot. How the hell is she supposed to get passed this? I don't even know how to help her. It's like, I'm waiting for the explosion that I know is coming." Elliot hated seeing her like this, but she was absolutely right.
"We help her get through it together" he replied. "As soon as we catch Carlson Liv, I'm gonna put my papers in too. I... it's time. She needs you, I need you both, hopefully you feel like you need me, and we need to be here together. That is, if you want to stay here...with me?" She was looking at him like he grew a second head.
"You want us to move in here with you? Like forever? We can't impose on your mom like that! El, your kids don't know the truth about Serena. What if they assume...I don't want to cause a rift between your natural children and Serena. I don't want you to have to defend us all the time or pick sides, you'll end up resenting us and." He stopped her from talking by covering her mouth with his. She gave in quickly, like it was always meant to be, natural.
He pulled away when he knew she would stop arguing. "With the exception of Eli, who is in Connecticut, all my kids are adults living their own lives and when the situation is explained, they will understand. It's all evidence Olivia, not like we're making it up. They already love her like a sister. That basket is full of stuff that they thought she might like to help heal. Who does that if not family? And Serena is my "natural" child, Liv. Evidently, I took great pleasure in creating her and I know I took great pleasure in watching her grow." He made it a joke, but every word was true so he paused to make sure she was listening. "I want to be with you Olivia Margaret Benson. I want us to raise our daughter, together."
"Sounds like you're proposing!" she said with a giggle. "Let's take this summer, El. Let's help her the best way we can and try to enjoy life on the beach while we all heal. Commute when you can, stay in the city when you can't. Then, we will go from there." It was all she could commit to right now, and when Elliot nodded, taking back control of her lips, she knew what her eventual answer would be.
-SVU-
They talked for quite a while, about nothing in particular. Elliot wanted Olivia to just relax for a change. He was here, he wasn't going anywhere tonight and before they knew it, he would not be going anywhere again. He cuddled with Liv in the bed until he realized she had fallen asleep. She must have been exhausted because he was able to remove her sweater and get her under the covers without her stirring. When he walked out, he could hear her soft snores and that made him smile.
He found Serena right where he left her. She was so into her writing that she didn't seem to realize he was there. Her expression brought back great memories. She had that look like she was concentrating hard, her tongue between her teeth. He remembered the day he first noticed that, back when he thought the absolute worst that would ever happen to her occurred. Those damn firecrackers. He remembers thinking even then that her expression reminded him of himself. At least he had good instincts. He walked over, not wanting to scare her.
"Whatcha writin'?" he asked while he took the seat Olivia vacated. Serena looked up at him like she had been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to. She clutched the journal to her chest and stared at him wide eyed as if she was trying to figure out if the question was rhetorical. He put his hands up and sat back, making sure to keep eye contact and his voice steady. "It's okay. You used to write all the time, that's probably why the girls thought you would enjoy the new journal. I was just curious, you don't have to tell me."
At that she furrowed her eyebrows. That was not what she was expecting. "I...I wasn't allowed to keep anything to myself. I didn't actually have anything to hide but there was nothing...he always made me…" She broke off and shook her head as if that would dislodge the memory. "Where is Momma?"
"Asleep. She's very tired which tells me someone else is too" he stated pointedly, raising his eyebrow at her.
"I'm making her sick, aren't I?" she asked and this time it was Elliot who wasn't expecting that. "She stays up with me even though I tell her she doesn't have to. She feels like she has to keep me company or something but it's okay. I won't mind if she goes to sleep. She needs to rest so she can watch…"
"First" he interrupted. "You are most certainly NOT making her sick. She is fine. Tired? Yes. Worried? Definitely. Sad? Goes without saying but not because of you. None of it is because of you. Momma is tired because she doesn't want to leave you for a single second. She knows you don't like to sleep and like any good mother, she is going to stay with you so you are awake together. She is worried because she, we, have really no idea baby. You have been telling us bits and pieces here and there and that is great, but two years and you have all these injuries and you hate sleeping...plus what the fuck am I supposed to be checking for when I look in the toilet? And sad because you suffered. You are still suffering, and she is trying her best but she's not quite sure how to help you. That's all she wants, to help you. And all of that goes for me too." He turned away from her then, his eyes fixed on the twinkling solar lights.
Serena continued to stare at his profile. "I'm sorry Elliot." She sounded so sad.
"There's no need to apologize angel. You don't have to be sorry, nothing is your fault. Momma is going to worry no matter what. It's what she does. And me, how do you think this hairline or the grey came about?" He smiled at his joke and she smiled back but it quickly faded.
"How was she when I was gone? Did you look for me?"
What kind of question is that? "Of course we looked for you! We kept your picture in the news when the other agencies said your case went cold. We followed every lead, over and over. Your momma never, never gave up. She was a wreck, honestly. She secluded herself, her job became perfunctory, that means she did her job, no more no less because it's what she had to do. But the minute we heard Fin in our earpieces, the very second he said the words "I found her", there was no question who he was talking about, even though we were looking for a perp. Momma didn't hesitate for a nanosecond. She knew. She knew, and she took off. Since then, she may be all those things I just listed, but she is extraordinarily happy, relieved, optimistic."
Serena looked like she was having an internal debate. Elliot remained quietly waiting. "He, The Doctor, kept trying to tell me that I was his now. That my mother wouldn't find me so she gave up and moved on. He showed me a newspaper article that said Momma won acamation, acladation..and she was smiling in the picture so she must've forgotten about me. I didn't really believe him but when no one came, and I just wanted to die, what he said almost made sense. If Momma gave up on finding me, then it was okay for me to give up trying."
Elliot remembered when Liv got the commendation. She fought tooth and nail to be kept out of the spotlight unless it had to do with finding her daughter. The smile she wore in the photo was forced and quick. "Sweetie, your mother would die before she ever gave up looking for you. She had to continue to do her job so she could stay an active officer. It was the best way to keep your case open with the attention it deserved. There wasn't a single second of the day that she wasn't thinking about you. Ya know, she told me once that she felt you...like she knew you were hurting because she was hurting. There's no doubt in my mind that that's true."
"I never should have believed him. I'm sorry." Serena was looking down at her hands when suddenly, she shook off the sweater she always wore. She held her arms out for Elliot to see. His eyes widened as he held her elbows steady. "Momma already saw this, it was darker than now so I'm not sure how good of a look she got. I didn't tell her the truth though. I told her for this one..." she moved her finger across the jagged vertical scar on her right forearm... "I kept fighting. I lied, Elliot. When that happened, and I didn't do it, but when it happened, I thought 'just let go'. Maybe if I was dead, he would leave me somewhere that Momma could find me. I just didn't want to hurt anymore."
As far as Elliot knew, Serena hadn't cried before or after the day Fin found her baby. He didn't know about when she ran out of the hospital but she was crying now. He wasn't even sure she realized it because she wasn't making any noise, just had tears trailing down her cheeks. He gently moved his fingers over the same scar. Her arms were full of them, but this was the most prominent. He wasn't sure he wanted to know how she got it, but it looked like it was stitched several times. He now understood why she kept her arms covered. He lifted her arm to his lips and kissed the jagged mark.
"You are stronger than anyone I know, even your mother. I cannot be prouder of you and I love you so much. I know I can speak for Olivia when I say she loves you more than her own life. The look she gets when she looks at you, speaks about you...there are no words to measure. These" he traced his fingers again, "they show just how strong you are. It doesn't matter that you thought about giving up. Anyone would. Grown men. Marines. But you, my beautiful girl, you didn't. You are here."
That was all it took. She sat down on his side and the tears took on a life of its own and she cried. For the second time tonight, Elliot wrapped his arms around a Benson woman while she sobbed on his shoulder. The difference was that Serena, as hysterical as she was, didn't make a sound. Just like the day he carried her out of the precinct, she balled his shirt into her mouth and cried that way. Her one hand was strong around his arm, the other was gripping the back of his shirt. Once again, all he could do was soothe her, rub her back, and let her know he wasn't going anywhere.
-SVU-
Liv was having a nightmare. More like, she was having a very vivid memory of how she felt when thinking of Serena that first night she was taken. She felt her daughter's pain, no matter what anyone said. She was also feeling confined. That was the odd part, she never actually felt anything physical at the time, just a feeling, a connection. Now, she felt Elliot's arms wrapped around her from behind, holding her rather tight. She also felt something pressing against her chest. She opened her eyes immediately to see Serena sleeping right up against her. She felt like crying all over again. She was passed out cold and she was the most beautiful sight in the world. Olivia moved her body to wrap her arms around her daughter, causing Elliot to stir.
"She is exhausted Liv, so are you so stop fussing and go back to sleep" he said, his voice gruff.
When she got herself settled, she turned her head and kissed his nose (it was the only part she could reach in her position). "Thank you. I don't know what you did, but thank you El." She turned back around when she saw him smile and fell back into a very restful sleep.
It was well after 8am when Elliot's phone rang. He hurried from the kitchen to grab it before the ringtone carried to the bedroom. He forgot to turn the sound off after picking up his mom last night. Liv and Serena were still asleep, wrapped up in each other and he didn't care what time it was, he wasn't having anything wake them up.
"Stabler."
"It's Fin. I'm not on my way yet but I figured I'd give you a heads up. Dodds' got steam shootin from his ears. He doesn't want any fuck ups. Barba is coming with me to make sure I get a complete statement, nothing left out. His words. My words would get me fired. Anyway, just wanted to let you know. I'll hit the road around 9ish. There's a problem in the tunnel that should be fixed by then."
"Great" Elliot responded sarcastically. "Tell Barba to loosen his tie. It's hot as hell out here already."
When he hung up, he felt Liv wrap her arms around him. He grabbed her hands. "Good morning sunshine!"
"Mmmm. Yes, I guess it is" she responded, and he could feel her yawn into his back. He handed her his cup of coffee, which she took eagerly.
"Hey, how about we go for a run? It'll be too hot later, and I for one could use the exercise."
"That's a good idea El. I feel like my butt is taking the shape of the chair. Gimme a few to change." There were so many ways for Elliot to respond to her statement, but it really was a good morning and it was bound to be another rough day, so he smiled and let it go. As always, she read his mind. "Smart man" she replied as she walked into the bathroom, still drinking his coffee.
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