Chapter 15: The Remedy

Din was wrong.

Things were not fine in the morning.

I had found myself waking alone, drowning in my own self-pity, the memories of the previous night hazy and chaotic. When I was finally able to force myself to face the day and whatever it brought with it, my head incessantly pounded, making it difficult to think, let alone function. That, compounded by the lack of sleep and my aching body, was almost debilitating.

In this state, I followed Cara through the narrow hallways of Kriger's ship to its spacious bridge, which now appeared to double as a command centre for the impending attack. Numerous computers and holographic screens surrounded the circular space, each control station manned by several members of Kriger's clan. Each Mandalorian was focused, busily completing their part of the operation. At the middle of the space, Kriger conversed with his second-in-command and Din in front of a large holochart of Neart, using a stylus to map his troops' future movements.

Din acknowledged our arrival, yet he remained engrossed in conversation, his words curt and serious. Kriger's eyes were noticeably reddened and swollen, though his hardened expression remained steady. Focused. Despite all that had happened, he knew that he needed to be a leader at this time, to be strong for his people - for all of us - even if it meant hiding his true emotions behind a steely countenance. I had been so consumed with my own grief that it hadn't even occurred to me how Kriger must have felt - how he must be feeling. Though he rarely showed it, and never professed it in public, I knew how much he loved T'iana.

And, deep down, of course he still does.

"Remember - we're at war." Kriger pressed his lips into a thin line, sternly crossing his arms as he keenly studied the map before him. The gears in his head were visibly turning. "We need to play the long game here. Our actions at Neart will most likely have ripple effects."

"Then we soften them up," Din replied evenly, seeming to agree with his fellow Mandalorian. His index finger pointed to several areas on the holochart in turn. "We target here, here, and here. That'll scatter her forces so they don't outflank us as we push north. We use two platoons to block them to the west so our united companies will have a clear path moving forward."

Earlier that morning, Cara had informed me and my father that the Coalition had obtained the last piece of intel that we needed in order to organize the troops to launch a full-scale attack. Thanks to Kriger's clan and their persistence, the aerial recce of Neart had been successful, and the Coalition now knew where the majority of Diabhal's forces were stationed, both at the heart and around the outskirts of the city.

Now it was just a matter of planning just how to defeat them.

Cara and I approached the three Mandalorians, silently observing their conversation. For some reason, it was difficult for me to meet Din's stare, though it was equally as difficult to not look at him. Cara offered, "We'll need to regroup after the block. Especially if we're not sure whether we still have the element of surprise. It's likely that Diabhal is already aware of our intentions and is already preparing her forces to retaliate. We gotta plan for the worst and hope for the best."

Kriger's resolve visibly rose as he said through gritted teeth, "Then let's give her what she wants and bring the fight to her! I know General Láidir concurs." His flaming eyes landed on Din and Cara alternately. "As I've mentioned, along with some of the members of the Coalition, you both have the support of my two squads. They understand that if the orders are coming from the two of you, it's as though it's coming from me. Prepare them as you see fit."

I briefly met Din's gaze once more as he and Cara made their way to exit the ship. We hadn't spoken since the previous night; however, given my sorry state and the important tasks that Din had to complete, we never really had the chance to do so.

Kriger, with whom I had not spoken since the day T'iana was killed, was now the only Mandalorian who stood before me. As he continued to busy himself with his own preparations, I finally fought the sinking feeling in my stomach and mustered up enough courage to approach him. "Kriger, could I speak with you for a moment?"

His tired, emerald eyes fell upon me. It was strange to see the heaviness in his expression, but it was a relief to see that it didn't appear to bear any hatred. "Sure, Luna."

"Kriger, I...um…" I nervously wrung my hands in front of me, not entirely sure just where to begin. Though I had repeatedly replayed in my head what I wanted to say to him, my mind at that point went blank, rendering the mental rehearsal useless. "I'm sorry," I finally blurted, a wave of emotion rising within me. "T'iana's death was my fault."

It was as though the planet stood still at that moment.

Several eyes fixed upon us as the bridge fell silent.

Kriger, noticing the unsolicited attention, made a rigid motion with a hand to signal the others to continue working. They obeyed without question. Kriger's expression softened as his brows knitted. "Luna, do not blame yourself for what happened to T'iana." He attempted, though failed, to keep his voice steady. "She was protecting you and died a warrior's death. It is all that a Mandalorian could ask for."

I lowered my head and clenched my fists at my sides. Perhaps Mandalorians were used to losing their own given their lifestyle; perhaps, it was even expected, and to die a warrior's death was their greatest honour. Though Kriger did not blame me for the death of his beloved - the death of my dear friend - it still did not release the pressure that was building in my chest.

Kriger paused to observe me for a few moments, then gestured for me to follow him down an adjacent corridor into his quarters.

As I stepped inside, I instantly recognized the pieces of T'iana's armour laid neatly upon his bed. The damage from the blast had shattered some of the precious beskar, but, to my astonishment, even the pieces that remained were mostly intact. Scratched and burnt, but still together. The layout eerily mirrored the form of her body, representing what appeared to be a shell of a warrior.

"She was a fast learner," Kriger said wistfully, taking T'iana's gleaming helmet in his hands. A soft chuckle escaped his lips. "Kept losing everything that I gave her, though."

"That's T'iana, alright," I said softly, managing a small smile.

Kriger continued to eye the helmet almost reverently for a few more moments. He then turned and extended his arms out to me in offering.

I reared back, confused by the gesture. The waver in my voice only managed to evoke tears. "Kriger, I...I can't accept this."

"Mandalorians salvage the possessions of the fallen to preserve their memory. Our armour is passed down from generation to generation so that we may remember those who have fought and died before us." Kriger remained firm, though the lightness in his eyes began to reappear. "It would also be rude not to give it to you. You had tried to save her that night. You didn't leave her on the battlefield. I also know that you had saved her before and were always looking after her."

I finally took the helmet from his hold with both hands, only realizing then just how heavy Mandalorian helmets were.

After giving me a moment to absorb the meaning of the gesture, Kriger took a step towards me. "Luna, I am aware of your current circumstances. I know how close you have become with Din and his child, and that you have only recently been reunited with your father and your people." His jaw tightened as I looked up to meet his eyes. "But I am also aware of the spirit within you, of the courage and strength that you embody. You know the plight of the Mandalorian people and our desire to rebuild; our desire to show the galaxy that what we stand for cannot be destroyed." He placed a hand on my shoulder, the pride in his posture evident. "So, if you desire to take the Mandalorian oath and follow the creed, to train and live as a Mandalorian, there is a place for you in my clan."

My eyes widened. I was at a loss for words. I could only look down at the helmet that I held in my hands before me.

The t-visor stared back, as though awaiting my decision.

"There is no pressure for you to answer at this moment. The offer will stand as long as I live and breathe." Kriger bowed his head to me, his eyes now becoming misty. "But, no matter what you decide, take T'iana's armour and remember her and our child."

My heart instantaneously constricted as I gasped in panic. My mind, which was already preoccupied with comprehending Kriger's offer, felt as though it short-circuited. I gripped the helmet closer to my form, as though it were a source of comfort, as I stumbled and reached for the wall beside me to keep my balance.

Kriger strode to my side, concerned, as he grasped my arms. "Luna?"

I could barely say the words as the walls closed in around me, threatening to swallow me whole. "She...she was with child?"

Kriger nodded slowly, recognition flashing upon his countenance. "You did not know," he said in more of a statement than a question.

(V)(V)(V)

I continued to punch the makeshift target in front of me, releasing all of the pent up anger and energy that was coursing through my veins. I cried out with every hit upon the large sack which was haphazardly tied upon a tree trunk. I disregarded the aching within my body and the stinging drops of rain that shot from the darkened sky, focused only on my self-inflicted catharsis. My tears and sweat mixed with the water from the heavens as the significant drop in temperature elicited waves of shivers throughout my body. I didn't care. The ground could have swallowed me whole then, and I wouldn't even blink. The physical pain was nothing compared to what I was feeling within and, though perhaps a physical solution to an emotional issue would not diminish or resolve the problem, the release, it seemed, was required. Shortly after my conversation with Kriger, I had taken my temporary shelter and belongings to the southern edge of the encampment without explanation, having no desire to see or speak with anyone. Unbridled rage had overtaken my being, and I refused to mask or control it any longer. My mind couldn't comprehend anything else. It felt as though I were so tired of looking down a precipice, so sick of feeling fear, that I had finally garnered enough willpower to jump.

"Luna."

Though I clearly heard Din's voice and footfalls behind me, I refused to cease my attacks, putting even more force behind every hit. My knuckles began to swell, the skin upon them slowly peeling off. Wholly undeterred, Din moved forward and placed his stiff hands on my shoulders, silently urging me to remain still, to stay in place. With a low growl, I shook him off lightly and stepped away from him, now focused on kicking and kneeing the target. The only sounds now were my heavy breathing, the pounding contact of my limbs upon the filled sack, and the harsh pitter-patter of the rain surrounding us.

Din paused for a moment, sighed heavily, then began to walk toward whence he came. An almost automatic pang in my heart occurred then, and I couldn't help but look back at his retreating form. His soaked armour and cape didn't seem to bother him at all, his strides unwavering as he moved farther away from me. My fury, however, remained, and I called out with a tightened jaw, "Did you know that T'iana was with child?"

Din stopped in his tracks, boots now soaked through and muddied, and kept his back to me.

He didn't reply.

I brushed the wet tendrils of my hair from my eyes with the back of my hand, as though wanting to see him clearer. "Did you?" I asked once more, my tone rising.

He turned his head towards me and nodded.

A flash of rage instantly exploded within me. As though possessed, I took brisk strides to stand in front of him, seething. "And you kept this from me?"

"I was going to tell you." His voice was steady, his body, still. "When you were ready."

My brow ticked in frustration. "A Mandalorian child was killed even before it could even live!" I cried, my entire body shaking. Saying the words out loud did nothing but shatter me even more.

"I know," Din replied hoarsely, arms stiff at his sides. He appeared to want to reach out to me, but inevitably fought against it, "and it pains me to know that, too, Luna."

"I deserved to know right away, Din!" I dug a shaking finger upon his slick breastplate, not understanding his logic and reasoning. "Not when you thought I was ready. You don't get to decide that."

Din appeared confused as his gaze wandered from my face down to where my hand remained on his chest. The water upon his helmet cascaded from his visor in a steady stream and fell upon me. I continued to visibly shake, my breaths heavy from exerted effort and anger. He could keep whatever secrets he wanted, keep himself closed off to me and the rest of the galaxy - but T'iana was my friend. Could Din be so naive that he thought that keeping this from me was the right decision?

Ever so slowly, Din reached upwards, gripped my hand in his, then placed our entwined hands upon his chest. "I was only trying to protect you," he said in a low tone. His thumb lightly caressed the pad of my palm. "I had failed to do that in Neart."

I briefly eyed our contact then furrowed my brows in confusion. My tone lost its edge as it was my turn to be perplexed. "What?"

"You shouldn't have come with us on the recce," he said, moving one step closer to me. Regret lined his tone. "I should have looked after you."

My stare was questioning as it landed upon his face. Did he really feel guilty for what had happened to me? Did he really blame himself for my getting hurt? I shook my head, finding, once again, that his logic was flawed. "Din, no one else is to blame for what happened. What I did was my choice. I have to live with it and its consequences. But, I also have to make it right." I slightly turned away from him and stated, "Which is why I'm going with you on the attack. I'm going to kill Diabhal."

His grip upon my hand tightened. Panic seemed to course through him in a violent wave. "No, Luna. You need to stay here." I had expected him to sternly command me to stay. The pleading in his voice, however, caught me off-guard. "I know what you're going through. This is not the answer. This...this isn't you."

I knew Din cared. I knew that he genuinely wanted what was best for me. But with everything that had happened, and with everything that was currently happening, I could only focus on the rage. On the need to avenge what had happened to T'iana and her unborn child. I also knew, deep down - whether Din wanted to admit it to himself or not - that he was also wrestling with his own emotions and was just as confused as I was. But, at that moment, the frustration was too much to bear.

I was tired of it all.

"What do you want me to do, then?" I tugged my hand from his grasp and spread out my arms on either side of me. "Who do you want me to be?"

When he didn't reply, I released a growl, turned on my heel, and began to trudge through the thick mud towards nowhere in particular; however, Din jogged to my side, gripped my arm tightly, and pulled me back to him. "Luna, please." He walked around me, blocking my path forward. "I just want you to be safe. I don't want you to get hurt again."

"It's funny how you say that you don't want me to get hurt, and yet you still hurt me." The snide comment escaped my lips even before I even had a chance to think about it. Perhaps the slip was the indication of what I really felt, deep down inside.

"What?"

"Why do you care, Din?" I bared my teeth and pulled my arm back from his grip. "You always push me away, anyway. Always!"

He gave his head a shake. "I do not understand what you mean."

I was more than willing to enlighten him. Perhaps it was high time that I did so. "I tell you that I care about you, and you say nothing in return. Absolutely nothing!" When a few moments passed and he remained silent, I crossed my arms with a haughty exhale and said, "See! Case in point!"

"There is no future with me, Luna," he replied in almost a whisper. "I thought that was clear."

That was all it took for my rage to recede; it was now replaced by the feeling of my constricting heart and short breaths. Din wouldn't look at me, keeping his stare upon the muddied puddle that had formed between us, as though he were looking at his own reflection. It seemed difficult for him to even say the words out loud, to be here, with me, face-to-face. But he couldn't run away from this.

Not this time.

"Have you even considered what I want?" I sobbed, attempting to meet his eyes. "What I feel?"

"Of course I have," he replied, sounding as though he was speaking through clenched teeth, as he finally looked at me. "But you're going to want more, Luna, and I can't give that to you." Din's pain-filled voice continued to pierce the thick air around us. "You're going to want to see who I really am. To know all of the things that I've done…"

"I already know who you really are," I interjected, curtly shaking my head. "I'm not asking you to change, to go against what you believe in. That is the last thing I would do."

He considered my words in silence.

Fresh tears fell from my eyes. "So, what happened between us…" I choked out, "...means nothing to you?"

"Of course it means something to me!" Din admitted fervently, moving forward and grasping the sides of my shirt. "I care about you, Luna. But I am bound by my creed, sworn to protect the child and find its people. And where I go after all of this - my way of life - you...you cannot follow."

I felt as though I had just been punched in the gut - but, in this instance, the pain was more excruciating. "So helping us defeat Diabhal is just another stop on your noble crusade, huh?" I pressed my hands upon his chest and pushed him away. He barely budged. "You say that you've considered what I want, what I feel...that you care about me...but, clearly, Din, you don't give a womp rat's ass!" I scoffed, then squared my jaw. "You can't just allow...this…" I gestured towards the two of us in turn, "...to grow and happen between us and then just...leave!"

Din lowered his head. "I'm sorry."

I began to think about everything that had happened between me and Din, the memories furiously flashing in my mind's eye as I attempted to comprehend the situation. Scene after scene replayed within my head, and I came to realize that, within each one, I had never really thought about the consequences of my actions. I was drawn to Din, had grown closer to him and cared about him because that's what I felt was right. I had never considered that my future wouldn't have him in it. But did it really matter now? What's done was done, and Din said what he did.

I can't change how he feels.

"You know what?" I ran my palms upon my face, brushing my hair back with shaking fingers. "I am, too."

And with that, I turned on my heel and walked away, leaving Din cloaked in the darkness of night.

(V)(V)(V)

A/N: Hello, my lovely readers! It took a little longer for me to update with this chapter because it was so emotionally-charged (yet again) and I wanted to get into the right "emotional zone" prior to writing it to ensure I properly created my vision. I'd rather take my time and publish something good than just push out garbage! :D (Not sure if it happens to you guys when you write, but I often get emotionally affected as well when it comes to what the characters are feeling…weird, isn't it?) Also, with regard to your reviews, I never thought that this story would bring out some raw emotions and even old wounds for some of you, so I apologize if it was too much for you! However, I take the emotional response from you guys as a good sign, though. Again, I write what I want to see, so your reacting positively and being as emotionally invested in this story as I am certainly makes me happy!

This chapter was heavily inspired by the song "Clarity" by Zedd ft. Foxes and a hell of a lot of Breaking Benjamin songs!

Lastly, as always, thank you for reading / reviewing / following / favouriting. I love interacting with all of you. You guys make me laugh and push me to keep writing! I hope you are all doing well, particularly given what's going on in the world right now. Stay safe, everyone. Cheers! xx IFHD