To Guest - unfortunately this story isn't that random, otherwise I would've had a dozen unicorns and Cinderella make an appearance already. This story just seems random because it is about an unreliably reliable narrator, think "American Psycho."


Fernwillow was mad. Very mad. Her evil plan that she spent months strategically planning had failed.

No matter, she didn't care that much because life sucks and she had dealt with worse. For example, the police were probably going to start asking questions, especially since she escaped, although without opposition, from the hospital.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Fernwillow wondered as she sat on her couch. Or are the police and authorities too busy to ask me questions because of the riots?

There was blood on her shirt, something she hadn't noticed before. She took the time to breathe deeply in case she forgot she took LSD and was hallucinating again.

The emptiness of her house gave her the perfect opportunity to make a new plan and execute it before any law enforcement can knock on her door and catch her. Fernwillow grabbed a black duffel bag and began stuffing important things that she would need into it: a couple thousands dollars that she stole from a drug dealing delinquent (who was now dead), three used condoms, binoculars, zip-ties, and an apple.

She opened her secret compartment inside the couch in case she missed anything. There was a metallic glint inside the couch. Fernwillow reached out to touch its metal handle.

An AK-47. Nice. Fernwillow admired the gun for a moment before throwing it into her bag and quickly walking out of her house. She could play a game of Russian Roulette later.

Fernwillow did not consider herself a psychopath. She did not suffer from a mental disorder, nor did she exhibit any abnormal or violent social behavior. Instead, she was a calm and peaceful cheese lover that wanted everyone that went to Warriors High School dead. Not bloodthirsty or vengeful at all.

Once, the neighbor's annoying chihuahua had barked a few times too many during the night, waking Fernwillow up from her beauty sleep. Of course, it was the perfect revenge by taking a huge dump - a dump abnormally large and messy for a tiny chihuahua - on the neighbor's lawn. Her alarmed neighbors took the annoying piece of shit to the veterinarian's for an enema and now it had to take multiple unnecessary medications for regular bowel movements, something that Fernwillow knew was slowly destroying its liver.

That was when Fernwillow knew that she was simply an ordinary civilian high-schooler.

It was getting late. Fernwillow carefully walked towards the poor side of town. The weirdos who were protesting against Bloodstar's funeral had dispersed long ago, giving Fernwillow an easy path to the darkest and sketchiest alleyways coward bitches avoided. Homeless people avoided her gaze. Garbage cans were everywhere. A dog barked in the distance.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAH!" A clown waved at her, screaming. Fernwillow stared at it confusingly. What the fuck did it want?

"Hey, I'm Firestar," the clown said. His face and his clothes were monochrome, reminding Fernwillow of a Dalmatian. He reached into his polka-dotted pants to scratch his crotch.

"No you're not. Firestar is a legend," Fernwillow said blankly. "You're a hobo." She read about Firestar in history textbooks. He was a huge rich philanthropist that founded the ancient Warriors School District and was the first president of the country.

"I want to eat your ass," the clown smiled with a lopsided and malicious grin.

"No thanks," Fernwillow replied and pushed past the clown.

She kept turning down different dark alleyways before stopping near a black and red garbage can and rolled her eyes at the Spiderman vibes. Knocking three times above the garbage can, she waited.

A barely visible small compartment on the wall above the garbage can slid open. A single blue eye peeked out. "Password?"

"Baloney," Fernwillow said. She turned. A door opened side opposite to the garbage can, the sounds of shitty EDM music and bloodthirsty excitement ringing in the air, the scent of cheap beer wafting into the night air.

Fernwillow smiled. She was a step closer to completing her plan.


wELL THIS WAS SERIOUS. :O dw IT'LL BE RIDICULOUS LATER! NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE POSTED ON SATURDAY.

THANKS FOR READING, TURDS!