A/N: Wow! I have let the stress of moving, getting a new job, money, all the little (and big) things get the best of me. I let anxiety take over and I almost forgot how much I love to write, especially SVU stories. I'm taking that back; tuning everything else out except what makes me happy. This chapter may be short but it's important to both the story and my sanity. I hope you haven't lost interest. Enjoy!
Chapter 44
Labor Day. It should have been a fun-filled day spent on the beach with the kids barbequing, playing frisbee, and bidding farewell to summer. It was anything but. Maddie was unable to stay after tucking them into bed as she already had plans with her husband and there was no way Olivia was going to interfere with that. She insisted they would be fine. Kathleen went back to Manhattan yesterday to prepare for her new internship at Bellevue. Serena had stayed in bed the entire time. Well, once she woke up early on Saturday, she went into her own room and laid down on the mattress that was on the floor since she only slept with Kathleen when Eli was there. She was facing the wall and barely made a sound. Elliot tried to get her up to use the bathroom, but she wouldn't even acknowledge his presence and he wasn't about to force her to do anything after what she'd been through. He blamed himself. Olivia blamed herself. Bernie would bring food only to come back and find it untouched.
Olivia was scared. She was afraid that maybe Serena would have to go to the residential facility after all. Shock was such a broad term and unfortunately overused, but the girl was traumatized beyond imagination and it just seemed to be ongoing. She wouldn't eat or move and although she was lying in bed, everyone knew she wasn't sleeping. Thankfully, her breathing returned to normal. Olivia would give it until tomorrow when Maddie returned, then they would have to take action. Court was still in recess since the shit hit the fan on a holiday weekend. No one knew when or if the trial would resume. It would probably result in a mistrial, but she wasn't going to think about that right now.
"Excuse me Ms. Olivia, Lt. Stabler." Manny had come up the patio stairs where Elliot was cleaning the grill and Olivia was just trying to keep busy. "I haven't seen Serena all weekend and I got worried. Is she okay after testifying on Friday?" The whole group vowed not to read or listen to any news stories as they all knew they reported sensationalized bullshit. Serena hated the whole world knowing anything about her and since everyone else's story was kept private, they promised that they would only know what she was willing to share. But unlike the other half-dozen, Manny saw her every day and seeing in person was much different than talking on the computer screen.
Olivia answered immediately. "No Manny, she's not okay. There was an... incident in the courtroom and she didn't get to testify. She got hurt. Physically, she'll be fine in a bit but she's still reeling from it." She was a desperate mother. "Honey, you've done so much for her already. Maybe you could help her? I hate to burden you, but she could really use a friend right now. Mostly, I really need her to acknowledge...anything. To move, to..."
The young man didn't hesitate a second. "Yes, ma'am." When she wordlessly nodded, he followed her in and waited outside Serena's room as she checked on her daughter.
"Serena honey, Manny asked for you. He's right outside and would like to see you." She knew Serena would never want him to see her like this. She was hoping it would spur her into some kind of action, but the girl just sighed. Before Olivia could react, he was standing right behind her.
"Thanks for letting me come in Ms. Olivia. My imagination has been going crazy as to why my peace girl here wasn't outside at all on the last weekend of summer." Olivia really liked this young man and she knew her daughter did too. Serena finally moved once he spoke, but it was only to bury herself deeper under the cover. Manny looked to Liv who nodded and turned to leave. "No wait. Please, just...stay for a minute."
He approached the mattress on the floor and sat down right in the middle. This got Serena's attention as she was forced to bend her knees and shift her body as he kept pushing back in order to lean against the wall. She now lay with her upper half flat and her lower half bent to the side. After sighing deeply, she shifted and sat up, squeezing her eyes shut momentarily and spreading her knees out indicating to Liv that she was still in pain. At least it was something.
Manny noticed as well. "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? Am I hurting you?" He just wanted to cheer her up, not cause her any pain and he berated himself for not thinking before acting. Serena quickly grabbed his arm before he was able to get up from the bed and pulled him back to the position he was in, shaking her head the entire time. "Oh" he said, a bit more relaxed. "Your Momma said you were hurt, and it looked like you were wincing when you sat up. I didn't know if it was me or not."
Serena pulled her legs up but didn't bury her face this time, just stared at her first real friend for a few moments before he spoke again. "Ya know, when my grandma just blurted out...what she said about me, I was mortified. I thought, motha fucka this girl is gonna be thinking all kinds of shit about me now and go runnin for the hills. Oh, excuse my language Ms. Olivia" he said as an afterthought.
Liv shook her head as she sat on Serena's bed. "Stop that Manny. We don't sensor ourselves in this house. We don't curse every other word, but feel free to say whatever without guilt." He nodded and gave his thanks before giving her a questioning look. "Yes, Serena told me what Ms. Adelaide said. She was worried about you that day. I've never seen my daughter so angry before. Trust me, please. No one else knows and they will not hear it from us."
They all sat quietly for a few moments before Manny spoke again. He didn't look at Olivia or Serena, he tilted his head back and spoke to the ceiling. "I love soccer, well at least I used to. When I was little, I played in 2 kiddie leagues. I was goalie and stopper mainly because I refused to run. I looked so stupid, like someone running away in the forest in some cheesy horror movie." He moved his arms and legs in midair in a comical way. Liv smiled but Serena sat stone faced. She had an idea where this was going. "I mean I was fast and I was good, but I am lazy as hell and the first to admit it. Why do all the extra when I was able to block and even score by pretty much standing still? Pulled up to varsity from middle school and a division one travel team proved just that.
"You already know he's the reason for my therapy. Classic sick coach who uses his position to gain kids trust and smashes it to hell. He definitely was a charmer and intimidating as fuck. He had everyone's confidence- I mean, everyone loved him, and he used it." He chanced a glance towards Serena and found her mesmerized by him. He wouldn't look at Olivia, but he was glad she was there. She exuded trust and calm. "I know it may be hard to believe, but I wasn't always the specimen you see before you." He began to flex and that got him the response he was hoping for; an outburst of breath and a genuine smile from his friend.
"Anyway, my skinny ass never attempted to fight back. I was confused but I also felt special, as messed up as that sounds. I know that if I had just said something, done something my life would be a hell of a lot different. It was a while later that I realized that I wasn't so special; he was doing the same thing to another teammate. Since he wasn't saying anything, neither was I. I mean, this shit happens right? It's normal because he was so well respected and sought after. I should feel lucky, but I didn't. I started to bulk up. I started eating green vegetables and everything!" He made a face to indicate that it was a sacrifice to add some levity.
"Coach noticed of course. He complained that if I put on too much muscle, I would lose speed and agility. We were at a tournament in Hershey Park and my dad couldn't get off work to go with the team. He made every game but whenever we had away tournaments, well you know how those things can last all day and this was a whole weekend. We were an uneven team and I just so happened to "conveniently" draw the short straw to room with the coach. The other kids teased and felt sorry for me because they had no idea. Or maybe they did and just denied it. I figured, we were only there one night, the day we arrived we had three matches so hopefully everyone would be too exhausted. Anyway, we lost our second game of the tournament because this fricken road runner got passed me to score. Ten other guys, but it was my fault. We were in the space the facility used for equipment and team storage when he snapped and so did I.
"After some back and forth shit, I grabbed a pair of scissors. Technically they were these shears used to twist and cut ropes but whatever. We fought. It was the first time I used my physical strength against him, and it showed. I had no clue how to control my "new body" and the only fighting I'd ever done was in video games. It ended with him holding my penis in his hand and me bleeding out on the floor."
Although there were three people in the room, it was so quiet, you couldn't even hear breathing. The two Bensons had their eyes glued to the young man who continued to look at the ceiling. "Talk about being caught red-handed! He wasn't though. He ran from the room and I tried to move but damn. Thankfully I lost consciousness, so I found out later it was about ten minutes before some worker came in, found me, and called 911. The coach was already back on the field with the team's next game.
"By the time they found my missing part, it wasn't viable. I had four surgeries, but the damage was done in such a way that my choices were limited. They couldn't build a proper prosthetic like a transgender male, so I chose what I got. Redesigned so that I have to pee sitting. I don't mind though; people just think I always have to shit when I use a public restroom. Beats having them stare at the urinal."
He gave a brief laugh but there was absolutely nothing funny about his words. "My moms took it hard. Two years later and she's still in denial; always talking about girlfriends and grandchildren." Manny shook his head as if awakening from a daydream. "My pops blames himself but he's been supportive in the best way he knows how. At least I can talk to him if I need to and Grandma, well she's never been great with words…or emotions…or social graces." He finally made eye contact with Olivia but couldn't bring himself to look at Serena yet. He could see her in his periphery though, just sitting, fixated on him.
Olivia broke the tension. "Salomon, I knew you were special the moment my daughter told me about you. She never mentions anybody, even before and just… Thank you for your confidence and if you ever need someone to talk to… if your mom can't or your dad… you have us. I am here, always. I will listen and I will understand with no judgments. I won't mention anything to Elliot of course but just know that he would do the same."
Staring at her, hearing her sincerity and the compassion in her voice, there was no way that he didn't believe every word she said. He was dumbfounded. In his experience, doctors, nurses, and therapists were empathetic and nice, but detached and he always got the sense that they pitied him. But Ms. Olivia was different. He sensed she was as special as her daughter, whom he still couldn't look at. He nodded. "Thanks. Now if you'll excuse me…" He got up off the bed and walked away, he needed some air.
As soon as he walked out of the room, Serena laid back down facing the wall. Hell no. Liv got up and chased the young man. "Manny!" He was already on the beach rounding the house when he stopped as soon as he heard her call. "Elliot and I have been delaying a trip to the grocery store, we didn't want to leave her alone. Her grandmother is next door with Ms. Gladys and we need to take a quick run for a few essentials. I don't want her to feel like we're waiting in the wings for something to happen, and she responds to you. Can you stay until we get back?"
He was amazed that she did that, she trusted him. He didn't do anything to earn it and she barely knows him, but the knowledge made him feel like he's never felt before. He vowed to keep that trust at all costs. "Yes ma'am. I'll look out for her, whether she wants me to or not. I just need a few minutes." Liv smiled and went back to the patio to let Elliot in on the plan. It wasn't long before he was back, carrying his laptop and waving goodbye as the adults got in their car. Stepping into his friend's bedroom once again, he kicked off his shoes and pushed her over on the mattress. The pushing aside got her attention. Manny was in her room again, in her bed acting like it was an everyday occurrence. She finally craned her head around and looked at him.
"S'up?" He smiled and waited patiently for an answer. Was he serious? Her facial expression conveyed her confusion and annoyance. "I really have no idea. I was worried and you're not helping to ease that worry. Seriously, Serena. We don't have to talk about anything in particular, I'm comfy hanging out right here." She lowered her eyes while she thought about how or if she would respond. When she did, she noticed his laptop and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, the group is worried to. They keep asking me if you're alright and I don't know what to tell them. They have all been on standby."
Wow. Aside from her parents, no one worried over her, ever. She didn't want to lose his friendship or her group support, so she let out a sigh that sounded like she choked on a sob as she turned her whole body around. He moved as if he wanted to put his arm around her but pulled back at the last minute. Oddly enough, she wished he didn't. She realized she was a disgusting, sweaty mess. Her hair was stuck to the side of her head that she was laying on, since she hadn't showered since the morning of court and she didn't move from the bed, she wore the same clothes for three days. She realized that she really needed to pee and that she was thirsty, but she ignored it all and reached for his computer. He opened it for her and signed into their chat room. Six faces popped up on the screen while she and Manny were cropped into the bottom corner.
"You look terrible!" said Sean, the boy with absolutely no filter. Right away everyone chastised him, but Serena knew he didn't mean it as an insult, it was just his way.
"Did you testify? Was it that awful?" asked Miranda, the most vocal of the group. This was it. Would she tell them everything or stay silent about it all? She wanted nothing more than to be part of a therapy group and they are doing all this for her.
"I…" her voice was deeper and raspier than ever, between the screaming and the sobbing and the self-imposed silence. Not to mention the fact that she was trying her best not to start bawling all over again, especially in front of these kids, although they probably wouldn't care. After all, they've all been in similar situations. She cleared her throat, closed her eyes and tried again. "I did didn't get a ch-chance to. All hell bbbbbbroke loose as sssoon as I sat d-d-down." Damn! Stop it! "The bailiffffffff, I knew him from being with The Doc Doctor. He wwwas angry and grabbed me out of the courtroom. He tried to kill me but, but I grabbed the gun and shot him. I didn't evvvvvven think. I've been around my parents' g-guns my whole life, they taught me to reeeespect them and Elliot and Uncle Fin made sure I knew how to use one just in case. Ya know sometimes being a cop's kid can make you a target. I never liked touching them, but I am so glad that it came so naturally." Once she confessed, she physically felt better. The faces on the screen went from curious to amazed; mouths opened, and eyebrows shot up.
"Did you kill him?" asked Manny, his voice deep in her ear since he was so close. She looked him in the eyes and blinked back tears as she just nodded. "Good" was all he said and was echoed in stereo among the rest of the group.
Another girl, Alexa who is more observant than talkative, then asked the million-dollar question. "Did he rape you? This time or… when you knew him?" She used the word, no dancing around, just direct. Serena made a mental note to get to know this girl better, but everyone seemed to hold their breaths as a few tears escaped down her cheeks. She wiped them away as she nodded. A chorus of expletives came out of the speakers. This time, Manny did put his arm around her, and she broke down. She wasn't aware of it really, but she was telling the whole courtroom story through her weeping, even the part about him using the gun inside of her, something she hadn't admitted to her mother although Liv already knew. It would have been hard to follow but these kids lived it, so they understood every word. They didn't know about the celebrations or anything else, but now they knew The Doctor stood by and let at least one sick fuck have his way with her before he was caught. Manny's grip became tighter around her shoulders as she tried to pull herself together.
Miranda was the first to speak. "You survived and he will never hurt you or anyone else again. Don't let him take from you anymore than he already has, Serena. You survived and keep on doing that. I gotta go, family barbeque but I will be here ready and waiting, tomorrow night, usual time." One by one they each gave her a kind word, or in Sean's case just "respect" and signed off with promises of meeting normally tomorrow. By the time Manny closed his laptop, she had her tears under control.
"How badly are you hurt?"
She shrugged it off and simply said, "I've had worse. Can you find one of my parents? I really need to use the bathroom."
"They went to the grocery store. You need your parents to pee?" He didn't mean to sound insensitive, but it did sound weird. Her cheeks burned two shades of red. "I'm sorry, that was rude after everything. Is there something I can do to help? Not help you pee or anything but…" He was getting flustered and Serena thought it was cute. She smiled her first genuine smile in days.
Why not? He's not going to hurt me; I can feel it. Plus, he physically couldn't so... "Yes, actually. I need to shower; in case you couldn't tell. Can, can you walk with me?" She expected him to laugh or ask a million questions, but all he did was get up, reach down with his hands to help pull her up (which she was grateful for because her legs were weak from laying down for three days) and waited until she gathered some clothes before walking with her to the bathroom 20 feet away. She stopped in the doorway and naturally, so did he. She took a deep breath and not making eye contact said, "Okay I need you to check the toilet please." He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and her cheeks were really flaming but she continued. All or nothing after all. "Lift the lid and just...check. Please?" She knew he was wondering if she belonged in a looney bin, but he did exactly as she asked while Serena placed her clothes on the sink.
"Would you mind waiting right outside the door while I shower? Momma stays in here, but Elliot usually stands where I can see his arm or leg. I know it's weird but…" She didn't get to finish because he was holding his hands up. He turned around and made himself comfortable on the floor, his arm and leg visible from inside. He pulled out his phone and adjusted his earbuds.
"Cool. I've been tryna beat my cousin in online Scrabble. Time to catch up." He said it like it was every day that a girl asked him to keep vigil outside of the bathroom so she can shower. But then again, only someone who has been in a similar situation can understand. She trusted that he wouldn't turn around as she started the shower, used the toilet and got undressed before stepping in. What 15-year-old does this? Serena didn't believe in luck or fate, but she got some of both sitting just outside the door.
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