Authors note: It has been a long time since I've updated this story. I've always known which direction I wanted it to go but life has gotten in the way. I'm back on track now though :D

The evening had a sharp chill in the air, but Lizzy did not feel it, the champagne was keeping her warm. Raising the bottle to her lips she sipped more of the bubbly liquid, her limbs had started to feel heavier, yet she had begun to feel lightheaded.

Stumbling further away from the house, she ventured through the gardens towards the river that ran on the edge of Netherfield. Making a slight run down the embankment, squealing as her feet ran away with her. Stopping just before she hit the water, she dropped to the floor and sat crossed legged on the damp ground. Looking down at herself she smirked, shaking her head. She knew that the moment she stood up the back of her pretty dress would be covered in mud, most noticeably, her backside. She would look a sight. Far from the gentlewoman they all thought she was. But in this moment, she really did not care!

Tears formed in the corners of her eyes. Three months ago, she had everything she had ever wanted, her whole future had been mapped out in front of her. Smiling sadly at the thought of such a bright and happy future, she had envisioned it so clearly. Married to the man she loved, two or three small children running around, each the image of their father. She had imagined growing old with her Fitzwilliam, watching their children marry and have their own families, them subsequently becoming grandmama and grandpapa. But now it would only ever be a dream, a memory for another lifetime. She furiously wiped away the tears that were quickly falling down her face.

Damn him!

Damn him to hell!

Thinking back to the time when she first met Fitzwilliam Darcy, she had found him a most disagreeable man. She had thought him rude and arrogant for slighting her at the Meryton ball. But as time passed, she had found herself falling in love with the sweet and honourable man that she come to know, or thought she knew.

Now what was to become of her?

"Miss Bennet?" she heard a voice question.

Turning her head, she tried in vain to hide her distress but failed. "Colonel Fitzwilliam," Lizzy greeted him with a smile that nowhere near reached her eyes.

"Miss Bennet whatever is the matter," he asked concerned.

"Nothing," she lied "I'm fine really,"

"No, you're not," he observed "You are quite clearly upset,"

Taking a large swig from the bottle, Lizzy shrugged away his concern "Honestly I think I've just had too much to drink and the emotions of the day have just caught up with me,"

He looked at her dubiously "This is about my fool of a cousin isn't it?"

Unable to hold her feelings in any longer Lizzy choked out an almighty sob before dissolving into tears.

"Miss Bennet?" he questioned sitting down and scooting closer to her until his arm was around her shoulder and she had turned her body into him. Clutching at his shirt, she clung to him not caring how improper it looked to the casual observer.

Colonel Fitzwilliam was not sure how to react. It wasn't every day a man had a hysterical woman crying in his arms, he wasn't prepared for this. It didn't seem to matter how much he tried to sooth her, she just seemed to cry harder. After a few minutes Lizzy pulled back "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I'm being rather improper," Trying to compose herself she pulled out of the embrace and dried her eyes. "What you must think of me?"

Smiling sadly at her, the Colonel had great sympathy for her. He along with everybody else knew what had transpired between his cousin and Miss Elizabeth. He felt all eyes on the second eldest Bennet sister the minute she walked into the church that afternoon, and again when they retired back to Netherfield Park. He had heard the whispers; the pitying looks and the conspiracy theories on why the young couple had separated. If he had noticed then he was in no doubt that she had too.

"Don't worry Miss Bennet," he assured her "It is only natural that you would be distressed. I know that the last few months have been….difficult," he let the word hang in the air knowing that it nowhere near described the colossal mess that had been left behind.

"You mean since Fitzwilliam discarded me?" she answered bitterly taking another swig from the champagne bottle.

"Maybe you have had enough," he observed trying to take the bottle from her. She pulled back making sure it was out of his reach.

"No sir," she protested "I haven't had anywhere near enough,"

"Elizabeth," he scolded, surprising her by using her Christian name. It was normal for him to address her as Miss Bennet but on this particular occassion he was more familiar. His tone was reminiscent of his cousin's and she felt a pang of heartache once more. She definitely wouldn't giving up the bottle now.

"Sir I might as well drink myself into oblivion," she sighed tears pooling in her eyes, threatening to fall "It's not like I have anything else,"

"I love my cousin dearly, but he really is not worth your tears," he replied taking the bottle from her before she had time to protest. He himself then took a large swig from it "This!" he indicated to the bottle in his hand "Will not help. You are a beautiful woman Miss Bennet and I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will meet someone worthy of you,"

"I doubt that!" she laughed cynically "No one will want me after this. He made sure of that,"

"What do you that mean?" he inquired surprised by her words.

"Dance with me?" Lizzy requested quickly changing the subject.

"What?" the Colonel asked surprised, looking at her like she had grown two heads.

"Oh, come on," she grinned standing up, trying to pull him to his feet "Haven't you ever danced with a lady before?"

Standing Colonel Fitzwilliam eyed her with amusement "Not of a riverbank where it's cold and dark minus a chaperon. People will talk,"

"Let them," she answered casually "I'll give them plenty to talk about in a few months' time,"

Reality quickly hit him, and he grabbed her forearms to shake her gently, forcing her to look up into his eyes. "What does that mean?" She turned from his gaze, gently biting her lip as tears rolled down her cheeks "Elizabeth, Are you with child?" He knew the answer before he asked it, but the dreaded nod of her head still came as a shock.

"You anticipated your vows?" he asked in disbelief. Keeping her head turned away from him she reddened from the question and nodded sadly.

"Does he know?"

Looking up at him shamefully she shook her head.

"Well don't you think he should?" he looked at her pointedly.

Lizzy pulled out of his grasp "No sir I do not," She moved further toward the river, away from him.

"Elizabeth," he implored following her "He needs to know, he has to take responsibility before it's too late. Before…."

"Before I have his bastard?" It was a rhetorical question "Before my family and I are ruined?"

"Yes!" he answered harshly "Do you not see, now he has to stand up to our family. No matter what threats they make,"

"I don't want him out of obligation," she spat shaking her head "I'd rather him not know,"

Sighing he rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands in frustration. "But as you said, in a few months' time everyone will know,"

"Maybe not," she whispered into the darkness "Maybe I can find a way of making my little problem go away,"

"Elizabeth," he growled "I hope you are not considering what I think you are. It's a sin,"

"I've already sinned, what's one more," she replied trying her hardest to sound nonchalant. However inside she felt anything but. She needed to protect her heart even as it was betraying her, maintain the wall she had put up to hide her emotions and keep herself sane.

"There are too many risks," he said grabbing at her arm and making her turn towards him. "If you are not caught in the act and tried, you will most likely die. Either way your family and friends will be left with the devastation,"

"THEN WHAT'S MY ALTERNATIVE?" she cried "I'M DESPERATE! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!"

"Tell Darcy," he replied stressing his earlier answer again.

"I can't," she cried "I won't,"

"Elizabeth," he began sternly "He has a right to know,"

"Does he?" she asked, shaking her head in disbelief. After everything that man had done to her. After all the pain and anguish he had caused by getting under her skin. Making her fall in love with him, making her desire him, need him, ache for him. Then when he had become her world, he had snatched it all away. Leaving her alone and vulnerable. In her eyes he didn't have any rights.

"Yes," Richard insisted "Tell him…or I will!"

"What?" she gasped horrified at his threat.

"I mean it Elizabeth," he stood firm "You cannot expect me to keep such an enormous secret from my cousin,"

"Richard please," she begged grabbing his hands. "I'm pleading with you sir; I need your help. He can never know," He pulled his hands out of her grasp. He looked at her with such disappointment and she was sure that there was also a hint of disgust mixed in there too. It would not be long until everyone looked at her the same way. It was all so hopeless!

"Fine," she yelled as he began to take his leave back towards the house "Tell him! It won't matter, I won't be here anyway,"

The colonel stopped turning around quickly to find the young lady climbing up into the branches of the nearest tree.

"What are you doing Miss Bennet?" he questioned heaving a sigh. He watched as she crawled across one of the branches that put her high above the water. She did not answer him, just tentatively rose to stand on the branch. She stretched her arms out in front of her and her body wobbled in an attempt to gain her balance high above the ground.

"Elizabeth," he cried concerned "Please get down from there, you could get seriously hurt," But she did not listen, she just stood still looking down at the inviting water below.

"Things would be so much simpler if I wasn't here anymore," she said through tears.

"Elizabeth,"

"I wish it would all just go away," she sobbed "I have always had to be the strong one. Even as a child, everyone just expected me to pick myself up and dust myself off when I was hurt. I thought I was strong but maybe I'm not,"

"You are strong," Richard tried to reassure her "I know you're scared but this isn't the way. We'll find another way,"

"I can't tell him,"

"Elizabeth please…" Richard beseeched "You need to come down, very slowly,"

"I can't," she cried "If I come down then I will have to face what's happening," she looked out at the river below her, the water was travelling at speed, a lot like her mind and she couldn't keep up with either. "You know when I was a child I always wanted to fly. To be free as a bird with nothing and no one tying me down. Do you think I could fly now?" Letting go of the branch she was holding she made her way closer to the edge.

"Lizzy," she heard the Colonel softly call from below. He sounded so far away; she could hear the pain in his voice as he begged her to come down once more. She thought about everything she would miss, about everyone she loved. Tears began to trickle down her face, she was exhausted. Hiding this secret had taken its toll on her and she could not carry on as she was. The thought of shaming her family, the idea of ruining her sisters was prompting her on to do the one thing that really frightened her.

"Tell… tell," she was shaking "Tell Mama and Papa I'm sorry, tell them I….I love them," Dissolving into sobs she closed her eyes and let herself free fall.

Then everything seemed to happen in slow motion as her scream echoed through the air. The water was freezing as her small body hit it. Her skin stung from the impact and the sound ricocheted around the grounds. Initially as she went under the icy cold water, the unknown simply terrified her into survival mode. But soon a calmness overwhelmed her, and it was as if she had accepted her fate. Flashes of moments flooded her brain and her story began to play out in her mind. Mama and Papa younger and happy, while she no more than a small child chasing after Mary and Kitty while Lydia slept in her mother's arms. Flashing forward to a few years later, Samuel Lucas lying on the ground, standing above him satisfied that he would never tease Jane again after the punch that Lizzy had delivered him.

The calmness made her tired and she felt sleepy. She saw her first meeting with Mr Darcy play out again in her mind.

'She is tolerable I suppose, but not handsome enough to tempt me,'

Her heart constricted; she didn't feel much as the water began to fill her lungs but the pain of his words kept her from feeling truly numb.

'Had he never thought she'd been good enough for him?'

Now she would never have, the opportunity to ask him.

'Dearest loveliest Elizabeth,'

Even as she was dying, he still would not give her peace.

'God!' she prayed 'Please make this quick,"

A strange, final type of sleep began to overtake her, and her body felt warm on the inside. But as quickly it had begun to spread, it just as abruptly disappeared. She felt herself being pulled back harshly, the unknown once again taking hold.

As the Colonel reached the surface once more, he gasped for breath. Holding Elizabeth close he made his way towards the embankment. His arms and legs burnt with exhaustion. Several times he had had to dive under the surface to try and locate her.

She had fallen so quickly that it took him a few seconds to react. He had initially expected her to resurface but after a few moments he realised that this would not be the case and leaped into action.

Quickly discarding his outer layers, leaving the Colonel in just his breeches and shirt he jumped into the river after her. The water was a shock to his system, and he was momentarily pulled away by the current. With all his might, he fought against the water and swan back towards where he had seen Elizabeth go under.

"Elizabeth!"

There was no answer!

Taking a deep breath, he ventured back below the surface. In the darkness he could see little and began to panic as his mind and body pushed him back above water to catch his breath.

"ELIZABETH!" he yelled, desperate to hear her call out. But still there was nothing, no sound.

Repeating his earlier action, the Colonel took in another deep breath and pushed himself back below water. Finally managing to venture further below the surface the sight that awaited him would haunt him until his dying day. Eyes closed, she floated through the water looking like a water angel and in that moment, he thought she was dead. Adrenalin coursing through his veins he swam towards her with speed, before pulling her up to the surface.

He managed with great difficulty to drag her up onto the embankment and laid her down. She was freezing, her skin pale and her body lifeless. Kneeling beside her he could not feel her breath and dread filled him. Panicked he was not quite sure what to do. Then he remembered previously seeing another soldier bring someone back to life using a slightly unorthodox method called breath blowing. Crouching over Elizabeth he lent down and pinched her nose and put his mouth over hers. Blowing air into her mouth he prayed that this would work. Pulling back, he looked for any signs of movement, but there were none. Determined not to give up, he bowed his head and began once more.

He knew that some found the practice controversial, believing that it served no real purpose or results. But he had seen a miracle with his own eyes once before and was praying for another this evening.

Beginning to grow tired and losing hope, he had no idea how on earth he was going to break the devastating news to her parents. He felt her gasp as he pulled back and she began coughing and spluttering violently. The Colonel thanked god as he let out a sigh, relief filling his body. Pulling her up into a sitting position, he tried to calm her as she gasped for more air.

"Breathe slowly Miss Elizabeth," he soothed "I promise all will be well,"


Darcy stood in the great ballroom at Netherfield, desperately wishing he were anywhere but here.

Between trying to avoid Miss Bingley's persistent attentions and the dirty looks and whispers being shot in at him by the occupants of most of Meryton, he really had had enough for one evening. He understood why the local population eyed him with disgust. Every time he looked at himself in the mirror, he saw it too.

He felt it when he watched her enter the church earlier. She looked a shadow of her former self. The confident, bright, self-assured gentlewoman he came to love was gone, and in her place stood this shy, reserved, nervous and broken girl.

His heart ached! He had caused that!

He missed her so much, that sometimes it was hard to catch his breath. She was like the air he breathed; without her he did not work. The world just did not make sense and he really didn't want to be in it without her.

He had not just broken her heart the day he broke their engagement, he had broken his as well. As he walked away, he could hear her sobs and it took everything inside him, not to run back and gather her into his arms. He remembered the heated conversation he had had with her father in Bingley's study at Netherfield Park later that day.

The man had understandably been angry, more than angry. He ranted and raved, threatened to sue and had even made the comment that if he were twenty years younger Darcy would have been fighting for his life, after what he had done to his Lizzy.

Darcy assured him that Elizabeth would be cared for financially for the rest of her life. She would still have an annual income and he had even purchased a property in her name. He may not be able to have her in his life, but he would always find a way to look after her.

He had hoped that this would have partially appeased Mr Bennet, but from the colour the elder gentleman had turned he had clearly been mistaken. He had accused him of trying to buy his daughter and as his face grew from red to deep purple Darcy realised that there really was no reasoning with the man.

"I will not let my daughter become your mistress!" her father bellowed. 'She is worth so much more than that,"

"Agreed!" Darcy responded with conviction "Mr Bennet, just because I cannot marry your daughter does not mean that I do love her with all my heart. Circumstances beyond my control will keep us apart and I wish desperately that I could reveal this to both you and Elizabeth,"

Stopping briefly to regain control of his emotions he continued "I am not for one moment suggesting Elizabeth becomes my mistress. I love her too much to think that little of her. She deserves the world, and I will do everything in my power to give it to her, even if I cannot be with her. But I promise you that once this settlement is completed, I will disappear from her life for good. My presence will be painful for both of us,"

Mr Bennet had tried to press for his reasons for such an unexpected turn of events, but he was insistent that he could not tell anyone.

Georgiana's happiness depended upon the sacrifice of his own. Whispers of what had occurred in Ramsgate between his sister and Wickham had found it's way back to his aunt and Lady Catherine had threatened to ruin them.

"End your engagement to the Bennet girl or I will expose Georgiana's disgrace," his aunt had threatened.

He had argued with her for days, threats and accusations being thrown back and forth by both parties. He had reminded her that if she exposed Georgiana's secret the Fitzwilliam and de Bourgh families would be damaged as well as the Darcy's. He had threatened to disown the family, to withdraw his funds and support from several lucrative ventures. He told her again and again that her endless obsession with this supposed betrothal was hers and hers alone. Both himself and Anne had made it perfectly clear on numerous occasions that neither of them wanted to marry. There had never been any romantic affection between them. She would always be little Annie, who used run after him and Richard, complaining she was not big enough to climb trees. And he would always be Cousin Fitz who used to hoist her up into the branches and push her over in the mud.

Lady Catherine did not seem to grasp this, it didn't fit into her plans, so she seemed completely unphased by his reasonings and arguments. Her relentless fixation was unhealthy and the knowledge that she would destroy anyone who got in the way of her goal, including sacrificing her innocent niece concluded that she was truly mad.

Darcy knew enough of the world to know that mad could never be reasoned with. That mad was truly dangerous and that for the time being he would have to forgo his own happiness to protect those he loved.

That included Elizabeth.

If his aunt was capable of self-ruin, because of avenging Darcy not 'toeing the line', she was also more than capable of finding a way to hurt Elizabeth and her family. Even more than he was doing now.

But he would not give up! His plan was to help secure Georgiana a successful match and then fight with all his might to win Elizabeth back. Even if that meant begging on his knees and explaining this whole sorry saga to her. If Elizabeth then refused him he would get seek his revenge on Lady Catherine, making her pay for the pain she had caused.

He wondered how much longer he would have to suffer this reception before it was acceptable for him to retire for the evening. Caroline Bingley had been running around after him with platitudes of flattery and making snide comments upon the local inhabitants for hours now, and he was coming quite bored of it. At some point during his musings Mr and Mrs Bingley had engaged him in conversation. But all he could muster was the occasional nod of the head to seem interested in whatever topic they were discussing. It was not hard really, Charles was excitable at the best of times and could talk enough for both of them, without even noticing that Darcy wasn't participating in the conversation. His new wife seemed to notice that his mind was elsewhere and smiled sadly at him. She had been the only one of the Bennet's that had not treated him like he was the devil. Her loyalty understandably was to her sister, but she had never shown any sort of anger or resentment to him. She seemed genuinely concerned about him. Charles was right, her sweet and gentle disposition really did make her an angle.

He was pulled back to reality but the former Miss Bennet when he heard Jane gasp loudly.

"Lizzy?"

Whipping his head around in double quick time he was momentarily dumbstruck by the scene unfolding in front of him. A small crowd was gathering as he watched his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam appear from outside and stride through the middle of the ballroom soaking wet with Elizabeth in his arms.

"Oh… Lizzy…my girl," Mrs Bennet wept "Colonel, what happened?"

"I found her in the water," he answered manoeuvring around the crowd toward the staircase "Bingley Miss Bennet needs to rest,"

"Of course," Bingley agreed following "I will show you to one of the guest rooms,". Darcy watched Mr and Mrs Bennet and the new Mrs Bingley follow them out of the room. He made after them but was stopped abruptly.

"My daughter is no longer your concern Mr Darcy," Mrs Bennet shrilled, making the gentleman wince "You will do well to remember that"

Turning on her heel she quickly ascended the stairs leaving him to watch the party disappear.

"Well it seems that the entertainment that was booked for the evening has finally arrived," Miss Bingley quipped smirking gleefully "The Bennet's really know how to put on a show,"

"WHAT!" Mr Darcy snapped looming over her, eyes dark with anger "Keep your nasty comments to yourself from now on Miss Bingley, it rather unattractive and makes you look bitter,"

Suitably chastised Caroline looked down at the floor tears filling her eyes as her lower lip wobbled, she kept her head down until Mr Darcy left her company and head up the staircase. He reached the top of the stairs and spotted Richard entering a room further down the corridor still carrying Elizabeth protectively in his arms. A flash of jealously hit him, Elizabeth had clung to him like a life raft, holding on as tight as she could feeling safe in his arms. He felt a heel being jealous of his cousin when Elizabeth could be seriously hurt. He started towards the door, he knew his presence would not be welcomed but they would have to physically removing him from the room if needs be, he was not leaving until he was sure she was alright.

Mr Bingley opened the door to one of the guest bedrooms and motioned the colonel in, gesturing for him to place Elizabeth next to fireplace. Elizabeth clung on to him tightly, reluctant to remove her arms from around his neck. Finally, after a look passed between them and Elizabeth let go.

Mrs Bennet strode past the gentleman, taking charge as she went "She needs to change, her dress is soaked through," Elizabeth heard the concern in her mother's voice and was surprised. As her least favourite daughter, Lizzy was more used to her criticism rather than her concern.

"Someone needs to call for the doctor," Lizzy heard her new brother say.

"No!" Lizzy responded distressed. She had startled the rest of the room and silently pleaded with the colonel for help.

"Maybe all Miss Bennet needs is some rest," he offered "Warm clothes and a warm bed is probably the best course of action at present,"

Sensing her mother's doubt, Elizabeth pressed further "Please Mama, I really don't want to make a fuss. This is Jane's day not mine,"

Mr Bennet sensed the sadness in Elizabeth's voice and stepped forward, placing a hand on his wife's shoulder. "Let her get some rest Fanny," he gave her a squeeze "We can come back and check on Lizzy later,"

"But she needs help to change," Mrs Bennet replied, "She will catch her death if she stays as she is,"

"I will help Lizzy," Aunt Gardiner offered from the doorway "Jane should be downstairs entertaining her guests,"

Looking up at her aunt warmly, Lizzy appreciated her presence. She was starting to feel uncomfortable with so many eyes focused on her. If it were just her aunt attending to her she would not feel so foolish and insecure.

Suddenly she noticed another figure standing behind her aunt and she gasped, her eyes widening. They met with those of Mr Darcy briefly, before she looked away and bit her lip. The colonel noticed her distress and another look past between himself and Elizabeth. This did not go unnoticed by Darcy and he looked at the colonel suspiciously.

The occupants of the room quickly noticed that Elizabeth was becoming anxious and they all turned and followed her line of sight.

"I…I do not wish to see him Papa," she whispered, "Please make him leave,"

"Elizabeth…. please,"

Rising from where he was kneeling in front of his daughter, Mr Bennet made his way over to the man he held responsible for her suffering "You heard the lady, I think it's time that you left,"

"I am here to enquire about how she is feeling. I only want to check on her welfare,"

"You claim to be concerned about my daughter's welfare," Mr Bennet shook his head in disbelief. Squaring his shoulders and stand as tall has he could, the room noticed that he was calling Mr Darcy out of his behaviour and gallantly defending his daughter. As he made a step towards the younger man, the colonel stepped between them to defuse the situation

"May I suggest we take this conversation outside," the colonel looked at both gentlemen pointedly.

The occupants left Mrs Gardiner to tend to her niece, while Jane went in search of her trunk that had been luckily transported from Longbourn early that morning. Her shifts would be a little on the long side for Lizzy, her sister's frame being much petite than hers. But under the circumstances they would do nicely.

Back in the corridor Bingley and the Colonel Fitzwilliam had successfully calmed the situation down. Currently Mrs Bennet was throwing daggers at Mr Darcy with her eyes, while her husband asked "What happened outside Colonel? How on earth did my Lizzy end up in the river?"

"I'm afraid I cannot shed any light on the subject, I was not with her at the time,"

Richard was lying and Darcy was sure of it. Ever since they were small children Richard had a way of showing his hand. He could fool the rest of the world but not his cousin. What always gave him away was how he would use the index finger on his right hand to scratch his thumb over and over as he spoke.

"I heard someone screaming from the water as I walked along the bank, they were struggling to stay above the surface so I jumped in," he informed them "It wasn't until I pulled them back onto the embankment that I realised it was Miss Bennet,"

Darcy eyed him again suspiciously, he was doing that thing with his fingers again. "What were you doing down by the riverbank?"

The colonel looked at Darcy surprised at the question at such a time. He would have expected him to focus more on Elizabeth. "I had had too much to drink and went to get some air,"

"We owe you a debt of gratitude dear colonel," Mrs Bennet praised "Our Lizzy would have surely perished without your assistance,"

"Honestly, Madam," Richard blushed "I am only glad that I was in the vicinity and was able to act quickly,"

"Nonsense sir," Mr Bennet cut in, shaking the younger fellow's hand "My wife is right for once…" The older gentleman eyed his wife mockingly with affection "…thank you, my Lizzy is everything to me. I don't think I would survive losing her,"

'Me neither,' Darcy thought.

However, he chose not to voice it in fear of vexing Mrs Bennet. He had had enough of her dirty looks and biting comments this evening. All he really wanted was to go to Elizabeth, hold her in his arms and thank god that she was alright. That was not likely to happen though, he saw the luck of horror on her face when she noticed him. He saw the sadness etched upon her beautiful features and he knew he had caused that. He also saw fear, fear of what he could not quite place, but he had noticed that she had quickly turned her gaze to Richard and that puzzled him. Something strange was going on and he would find out what, one way or another.


Elizabeth heard the door creak quietly as someone entered her room. She had been forced by her parents and new brother to stay the night here at Netherfield Park. She could not think of anything worse.

The last time she had been here she and Fitzwilliam had conceived the child currently growing in her belly. She had felt the quickening a couple of days ago and now she was certain that she was indeed with child. When she missed two of her courses in the months following her liaison, she had been in denial. She told herself it must have been due to stress. She had had to deal with so much heartbreak in such a small amount of time, it was bound to throw her body out of sync. Then the nausea began which was quickly followed by actual vomiting, but again she put that down to the emotional upheaval what had recently transpired. She was heartbroken after all, her heart ached for him, of course she was not going to feel right.

When the cravings began, she could not deny it to herself anymore. Waking at three o'clock in the morning desperate for marmalade, being unable to sleep until she had found some. She hated marmalade.

Tonight, was however the first time she had admitted it to another person though. That made it feel so much more real. She had not even told Jane or her aunt, yet the colonel had managed to obtain the truth from her with little effort.

She still feared him telling Mr Darcy though, he was after all his cousin and his loyalty should lie with him. She was unsure how he would react to the news. Would he blame her somehow? Would he think that she had done this to trap him? He thought so little of her already. Being here did not help, knowing that he was only down the hall both frightened and excited her.

She was ashamed that she still loved him, she could not imagine ever stopping. He would be forever ingrained in her heart, mind, body and soul. The sad reality of it was that if he knocked the door tonight and entered her bed chamber, she would not refuse him. Even after all the heart ache she wanted him. She wanted to feel him on top of her once more, kissing her, caressing her…simply loving her.

The truth was that even if she were not with child, there would never be another man for her. Having taken both her heart and her virtue, no other man would ever be able to compete.

She hated the idea that tomorrow in the cold light of day she would have to face him. She could leave at first light, but that would insult her sister and new brother. She also needed to try and find a moment alone with Colonel Fitzwilliam. She needed to thank him for risking his own safety by going into the water after her. She was apprehensive about the conversation that they must have. If she could not convince him to keep her secret, she would have to flee Longbourn and start again on her own. The disgrace of everyone knowing would be too much for her and her family to bare.

She propped herself up on the pillows as the door closed behind the figure that had entered and for a moment, she had regretted her earlier thoughts of Mr Darcy entering her bed chamber. As they came closer, she realised that it was in fact the colonel himself who had entered.

She went to speak but he motioned with a finger to his lips indicating the need to be quiet. Tentatively he sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her uneasy. "How are you feeling Miss Bennet?"

"Better, thank you," she whispered "As you have appeared in my chambers at such an hour, we can forgo the formalities. Elizabeth or Lizzy is fine," she smiled fleetingly.

"I know this is inappropriate but I had to make sure that you were well," he responded earnestly "For a short time this evening I thought I had lost you to that water," his eyes left her and dropped to a spot of the bed "I feared that I would have to give your parents the gravest of news,"

She touched his hand gently and he looked up at her sadly "I am sorry that I put you in that position. But I was desperate sir, I still am,"

"It is something that you may attempt again isn't it?" he asked fearfully.

She nodded solemnly "I worry that I will have no other choice,"

"There is always a choice," he told her in hushed tones "Nothing is so bleak that death is your only option,"

"It is when the alternative will ruin everyone I love and then I will find myself truly alone,"

"I will not let that happen Elizabeth," he replied, "I will help you,"

She looked at him surprised "You…will help me?" she questioned. He nodded. "But how?" she added.

"I'm not sure just yet, but I will keep your secret,"

"But you said that you couldn't keep something like this from your cousin,"

"It will be difficult, and I would rather not have to," he answered with a sigh "But….if my doing so keeps you safe then I will. Having your death on my conscience would likely cause my own,"

"Thank you," Lizzy choked back a sob "You don't know how much of a relief that is to me," Handing Lizzy his handkerchief, the colonel watched her wipe away her tears. "You should go before you are found here,"

"That may solve the problem altogether,"

"How so?" Lizzy questioned, tilting her head to the side looking at him inquisitively.

"If we are caught together then they would certainly make us marry. As far as the world is concerned your child would be legitimate,"

She smiled at him sadly. He really was a dear, sweet man, any woman would be lucky to call him husband, but alas that would not be her.

"Colonel," she began placing her hand upon his "You really are a wonder," she smiled "But that idea would never work, it would more than likely make things harder,"

"Granted family Christmases would be awkward," he flashed her a cheeky smile and she rolled her eyes.

"I didn't mean that" she chuckled "I meant that a marriage barely works when both parties are in love with other people,"

"I…I," he stuttered blushing.

"I'm not blind, I see the way you look at her," she smiled "It's like time has stood still and she is all that you see before you. It's quite beautiful,"

"I thought I hid it quite well actually," he cleared his throat feeling awkward suddenly "It's redundant anyhow. I very much doubt my feelings are reciprocate,"

"I wouldn't be so sure," she replied, "There may be hope for you yet,"

"Elizabeth Bennet matchmaker," he laughed "You sound like my younger sister,"

"I always wanted a big brother,"

"Then from now on you shall have one, but I really must go. We will speak more tomorrow,"

The colonel slipped out of Elizabeth's room quietly, looking for signs of anyone being present in the hallway. Satisfied that he was alone, he ventured back to his room in the darkness not noticing Darcy's dark eyes piercing into his back as he stepped out from the shadows.