Authors note – I wanted to thank everyone for their reviews and feedback. I am overwhelmed by the response. I know that this story paints our favourite characters in a quite unique light, but I wanted to try something different.
In real life I am a big fan of Mr Darcy and have been told that when it comes to relationships, I'm constantly searching for him in a world full of Wickham's.
But I liked the idea of what could transpire to make Elizabeth and Darcy behave so out of character. Would Darcy act too quickly out of fear and guilt over Georgiana and not think of the consequences until it was too late? Would Elizabeth, the strongest of characters fall apart due to the grief and devastation she felt? I know that this story might not be to everyone's taste, but I suppose that is the beauty of fan fiction, you take it in whatever direction you like. Thank you xx
Chapter Three
The morning came quicker than Elizabeth had hoped, and she knew that she would soon have to face the occupant's downstairs. She had had a fitful night's rest, waking often, before slowly drifting back off to sleep and then waking only to repeat the process all over again. She was beginning to feel like she was on a loop. She had replayed last night's events through her dreams, and she had woken up gasping for air as she felt the water fill her lungs.
The sobering reality of almost taking her own life yesterday evening made her feel overwhelmed by a sudden rush of emotions. She had nearly died! If the Colonel had not pulled her from the water, then this morning instead of waking in this beautiful room, she would be stretched out cold somewhere with her mother and sisters laying her out.
The thought made her shudder. She did not want to die; she just did not want to live like this anymore. Opening her eyes, she hissed at the bright light filling the room. The fire had long died out and only soot and embers were left in its place.
She heard a gentle knock on the door and as it opened, she saw a petite figure gingerly venture in.
"Georgiana," Elizabeth greeted her sitting up against the pillows "How lovely it is to see you,"
"Apologies for the intrusion Miss Bennet," Georgiana began looking at her nervously "I heard that you were unwell, and I wanted to enquire on how you were feeling,"
Smiling brightly at the younger woman, Lizzy patted the edge of the bed "Please sit,"
Georgiana looked surprised but obeyed her request "I was unsure whether you would want to see me Miss Bennet," she looked at her uncomfortably "After the way things ended between my brother and yourself, I thought that I would be one of the last people you would ever want to see,"
Lizzy smiled at her sadly. How could such a sweet girl be the catalyst for her own heartache? No, Elizabeth needed to think of her as an innocent who had been taken advantage of. The fact that she was impressionable and kind natured had led to her situation with Wickham. Her own circumstances with Fitzwilliam were quite different. She knew Fitzwilliam would do anything to protect his sister as he believed that he had failed her in Ramsgate. Elizabeth would admit that she was angry that his unfounded guilt had driven him to put her last, just to ensure his sister would not be shunned by their aunt and subsequently the ton. This snub would most assuredly damage her chances of a successful match. But had he not done that to Elizabeth herself by rejecting her? Sighing she knew she needed to put such thoughts out of her mind. However, it was proving difficult with the knowledge that he was downstairs.
"This is not your fault Miss Darcy," Elizabeth told her, shaking herself out of her thoughts "My relationship with your brother does not have to affect ours,"
"Really?" Georgiana questioned, smiling hopefully "Fitzwilliam did not divulge the particulars and I did not dare ask him,"
Lizzy smiled sadly "You are probably best off being kept in the dark," Gently sighing, she fidgeted with the blanket in front of her "There are just some things you are best off not knowing,"
Georgiana nodded sadly "But he has been so worried about you," she admitted "I saw his face when you were carried in from the gardens. He was terrified,"
Lizzy scoffed "I'm sure he was,"
"No really," Georgiana assured "He has not slept. He keeps grilling Richard about what happened last night,"
"What!" she sounded alarmed and Lizzy was sure Georgiana noticed, but before the young girl could question her reaction there was another knock at the door.
"Lizzy," Jane's sweet voice called, "May I come in?"
Dear sweet Jane, how Lizzy longed to tell her all that had transpired. She needed her older sister and felt an immense amount of guilt that she could not confide in her. They had never kept secrets from each other and for the first time Elizabeth felt truly alone.
"How are you feeling?" her sister asked concerned as she sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Better," Lizzy reassured her "I am sorry that I have caused so much trouble,". Lizzy lowered her head in shame.
"Lizzy no," Jane began.
Reading the room Georgiana bid both sisters good day and quietly slipped away.
"What happened last night Lizzy?" Jane asked concerned.
Lizzy blanched; she would have to lie to Jane. It was a necessary evil, but it made her feel sick to her stomach.
"I slipped on the embankment," Lizzy fibbed, "I had too much to drink and the water was too strong,"
"Oh Lizzy," Jane cried "I am so relieved that you are alright. Thank heavens the Colonel found you in time,"
Lizzy smiled "Yes he really was my saviour,"
"Do you feel well enough to come down to break your fast?" Jane asked, "I know it is not ideal, but you can borrow one of my dresses,"
"No please," Lizzy begged, fearing coursing through her, "I cannot face him Jane,"
"Oh Lizzy," her sweet natured sister gasped realisation dawning "Forgive me, I did not think,"
"I'm sorry Jane, I ruin everything,"
The dejection in her voice broke Jane's heart. She could not bear to see her most beloved sister in such turmoil. Jane was of the sweetest constitution but in this moment even her gift of forgiveness was being heavily tested. One of the former eldest Miss Bennet's greatest virtues was the ability to absolve anyone of their sins and forgive anything. However, the poor treatment of her sister by Mr Darcy was proving harder to forgive.
"That is not true Lizzy," She took Lizzy's hands in hers and gave them a gently squeeze in comfort "You give joy to all that know you,"
Elizabeth gave her a dubious look "I think not dearest Jane. I have caused our family such heartache these past few months,"
"Lizzy the only heart ache I am concerned about is yours," Jane sighed "Our family will fare well enough once the dust settles, it is you I worry about,"
"I'm fine," Elizabeth answered far too quickly.
"It is I you are speaking to Lizzy," Jane reminded her "You can talk to me about anything,"
Lizzy forced a smile, but it did not reach her eyes. How she wished that to be true. There had been a time when she would have told Jane anything. But she felt ashamed of her conduct, frightened of it in fact. Yes, she was impulsive, yes sometimes she did not always think before she spoke, but her behaviour that had led to her current predicament had surprised even herself.
And now she was paying the price for it!
"Jane, forgive me but I really would like to go home," Lizzy confessed "Being here…,"
"…with Mr Darcy just down the hall," Jane finished knowingly "Too painful is it not?"
"Yes, it is," Elizabeth nodded "I cannot face him, especially with certain other occupants in the room,"
Jane looked at her questioningly "Whomever do you mean Lizzy?"
"Oh Jane," Lizzy shook her head "Even you with your purest temperament must have seen the elation that has not left Miss Bingley's face since her discovery that Mr Darcy and I are no longer engaged,"
"Lizzy no," Jane began "Surely even Caroline could not be so…"
"Vindictive," Lizzy interjected.
"Lizzy,"
"Please Jane, I would prefer to slip away quietly without fuss,"
"I shall have Lucy bring you up a tray," Smiling Jane rose "Once you are fed and dressed, I will request the carriage to take you home,"
"Thank you, Jane," Lizzy smiled sadly "Please apologise to my new brother, I just cannot face anyone at this time,"
"Of course," she nodded before leaving Lizzy alone with her thoughts.
She felt like a coward, he had done that to her. Six months ago, Elizabeth Bennet's courage would have risen at any attempt to intimidate her. But now after all that had happened, she had no more fight left in her. Previously she would have faced Caroline Bingley with her head held high, a witty remark at the ready and smug satisfaction that she had outsmarted the vapid creature. Now she no longer has the energy or the inclination to spar with those who thought themselves something special. She had so many more important things to worry about. The first was currently residing in her stomach. She felt a fluttering, the child quite clearly aware that he or she was being thought of at that moment.
Placing her hand gently upon her stomach protectively, her eyes filled with tears. She was filled with a wave of emotion that was so intense that she could hardly breathe. A another knock at the door saw Lucy bring her tray. She picked at what was in front of her, but she could not face food. Setting it aside she pulled the bell and began to quickly dress.
"Please call for the carriage Lucy," Lizzy requested "I wish to return home,"
"But Miss…" Lucy curtsied as she came into the room "…is that wise?"
"Yes Lucy," she answered pinning up the last strands of her hair, "Please tell Mrs Bingley that I am ready to leave,"
"Very good miss," Lucy curtsied before turning, "Forgive me Sir, I did not see you there,"
With her back to the door Lizzy closed her eyes. She had known who it was without even turning. He had a presence that overpowered her. All her senses felt like they were on high alert and whenever she was near him she could not think.
"Can I help you Mr Darcy?" her voice was clipped, and she kept her back to him, out of fear that if she faced him, she would crumble.
"Elizabeth…I" he stood unable to meet her eyes, "I... I just…erm," he began rubbing his neck nervously.
"Lost for words," Lizzy asked surprised turning towards the tall gentleman standing in the doorway looking awkward, "That is very unlike you Mr Darcy. You are a gentleman who seems to have an opinion and an answer for everything. I am surprised that in this case you are unable to form a coherent sentence,"
She had built a wall back up around her heart and as he gazed at her stony expression, he was reminded of a time when she had made her dislike of him well know.
"If you had behaved in a more gentleman like manner,"
How those words had stung him. He had always thought himself a gentleman. Prided himself on it in fact. Now however he knew he was anything but, he was a rake, a rascal, anything but a gentleman. She had given him the greatest gift she could, her virtue. And he had thrown the sentiment away. He knew he should have stayed away; he knew he was torturing them both by being here. But he had to see for himself that she had not suffered any hurt from yesterday evening's events.
"I needed to make sure that you were well," he answered "The image of you being carried through the house soaking wet and in distress will not leave me. It has kept me awake all night,"
Elizabeth's eyes met his and she observed how he had seemed to have aged in the few months that they had been apart. There were dark circled under his now bloodshot eyes and his skin was grey. It was quite clear that he had not been taking care of himself and probably had not slept properly in many weeks.
She scolded herself for feeling sorry for him. Her fine eyes that had softened at his dishevelled appearance had now again hardened.
"Mr Darcy," she began firmly "I have long been desiring your absence,"
Her words surprised him. They were familiar to him, yet he could not quite place them.
"I would like to ready myself for the carriage. I will be returning to Longbourn shortly,"
"Is that wise?" he asked, "You nearly drowned yesterday evening,"
Shaking her head angrily "Since when has my welfare been a concern of yours?"
"Elizabeth…"
"Mr Darcy please leave this chamber," she raised her voice "If you are found here you will ruin me further,"
"Is there a problem?" the voice from behind Darcy asked.
"No Colonel, your cousin was just leaving,"
Darcy noted the warm smile that appeared upon Elizabeth's face at the presence of Richard and felt a pang of jealously run through him. He knew he had no right to feel this way, but it did nothing to stop the resentment he felt rising for his cousin.
"I have come to enquire upon your health Miss Bennet," Richard asked concerned, looking between Darcy and Elizabeth he noticed the air thick with tension.
"I am feeling a little better," Elizabeth answered, "I must thank you Colonel. If you had not been in the vicinity I would not be here now,"
"You are most welcome Miss Bennet," the Colonel responded warmly.
Elizabeth had thanked him the night before in this very chamber, but as Darcy was unaware of the particulars of yesterday evening a pretence needed to stay in place.
"Have I interrupted something?" The Colonel enquired.
"Not at all," Elizabeth plastered on the biggest smile she could muster, "Mr Darcy was just leaving,"
Darcy felt crushed! But he hid it well enough behind his stony expression. Bowing politely, he headed towards the door but stopped to give her a longing look. It made her heart leap into her throat and for a moment she was looking at 'her Will', not the man who had so cruelly broken her heart.
"Are you coming Richard?" Darcy asked pointedly, breaking Elizabeth from her musings.
"Yes of course," the Colonel answered giving his cousin a courteous smile. A look was exchanged between the couple standing further into the room. It was brief and their composure returned almost instantly, but not before Darcy noticed. He felt uneasy, like he was intruding on an unspoken conversation even though the Colonel had been the one who had entered the chamber last.
The next opportunity for the Colonel to talk with Elizabeth came a couple of days later. His cousin Darcy had left for Pemberley early this morning with Georgiana, leaving Richard free to ride to Longbourn long enough to speak to Elizabeth before heading back to his regiment. His stay had been extended in Hertfordshire longer than he had expected and he was now sure that he had most definitely outstayed his welcome at Netherfield. He had planned to visit Elizabeth before now, but Darcy had been watching him like a hawk.
He had much affection for his cousin, that in truth whom he saw more as a brother than his own but having him act as a second shadow was quickly becoming tiresome. Wherever he was on the estate Darcy seemed to be there with him. At first, he thought that maybe he was overacting, and that Darcy just did not want to be left alone with Caroline Bingley. Since news of his broken engagement had reached her, Miss Bingley had tried upping her game and never seemed to leave the Master of Pemberley alone. But even when Caroline was not present in the house, Darcy seeked out his company. He was sure that at one point Darcy almost followed him to the necessary, only realising Richard's destination in the nick of time. Rather embarrassed Darcy sulked off and was brooding effortlessly in the corner of the with-drawing room when the Colonel re-appeared. It was quite clear to Richard that his cousin's mind was working in overdrive – trying to analyse whatever thoughts he had in relation to Miss Bennet and now it seemed Richard himself. Darcy's jealous streak amused him greatly and he would bet his commission that his cousin believed that there was some sort of romantic entanglement between him and Elizabeth.
She had been pleased when he was announced just after breakfast. He noticed a look of relief wash over her when he entered the room. Elizabeth had been keen to walk the gardens with him and practically had to fight her mother and younger sisters off as they fought for his attentions. Her mother spoke in raptures on how grateful she was to the brave Colonel for risking his life for their dear Lizzy. Elizabeth could have cringed; her mother was giggling like an adolescent girl. Finally, the Colonel and Elizabeth managed to give her the slip. Fanny Bennet was so enthralled with the young man that she quickly granted his request to escort her daughter on a turn around the gardens in search of some air.
"I was beginning to think that I would never be able to free you from my mother's clutches," Lizzy laughed.
The Colonel smirked, enjoying the sight of playful amusement upon her face. After what transpired yesterday, he was sure he would never see her laugh again. "Your mother is….an interesting character,"
"Ha!" Elizabeth sniggered "That is a very diplomatic description Colonel,"
"Richard," he corrected her "We are very much past formalities do you not think?"
"I suppose so," she smiled. He led her towards the pretty little wilderness in the far corner of the main gardens. This had once been the location of her showdown with the formidable Lady Catherine. She felt bile rise in her throat as she thought of the heartache that vile selfish woman had caused. They walked over to a small stone bench in one of the corners and sat down.
"I would have come sooner Elizabeth," he began turning his body towards her "But unfortunately I could not find an opportunity to get away before now. My cousin has not left my side since the morning you left,"
"Do not trouble yourself Richard," she answered softly "I am grateful for all your help,"
"I have to admit that your troubles have made me restless," he admitted sadly "I have been considering your options, which to be honest with you are limited,"
Elizabeth looked down at her lap and nodded sadly "It is hopeless I know," raising her head she looked at him with unshed tears.
He reached for her hand and a took it "I said limited, not hopeless," he gave her a reassuring smile before continuing. "As I see it," he cleared his throat "If you are adamant that you are keeping the child a secret," he looked at her for confirmation - which she gave him with a tentative nod of the head. "There really is only one other option,"
Ten minutes later Elizabeth's mind was reeling at the enormously of the plan that the Colonel had laid out before her. He made it sound so simple, yet so complicated at the same time. "If you feel that you cannot go through with-it Elizabeth, I beg that you tell Darcy the truth,"
"No!" Elizabeth answered abruptly. She sighed, accepting that she was limited on choices. "It is something that must be done, but I never knew such a thing existed,"
"As shocking as it seems, it is more common than you think," he reassured her "It's just that it in polite society it is not acknowledge,"
"But who would take another woman's babe, another woman's bastard more importantly," she reminded him plainly.
"A gentlewoman's babe," he corrected her "Look, you will not find this type of arrangement advertised in the Times but…" he gave her a cheeky look "There are those among the gentry who have had the unfortunate misfortune to have a large estate and no heir to leave it to,".
Lizzy rolled her eyes, although his statement dripped with sarcasm, she knew that he was speaking an unpublicised truth.
"With all seriousness though this may be a way out of this mess," he continued making his point. "A gentleman with a large fortune and standing in society would not want the Ton to think that their wife was barren and that they would have to leave their estate to a distant cousin,"
"But how would we know where to start Richard?"
"My mother would know of someone,"
"What?" Lizzy asked startled "No! Your mother can never know,"
"Lizzy, it will be fine," he soothed "I will not disclose any details, she will most likely think I have gotten some pretty young thing in trouble," he teased.
"I cannot have her think that of you," she whispered, a wave of guilt washing over her.
"Do not trouble yourself Elizabeth," he smiled softly "I am her darling boy. If I tell her it has nothing to do with myself, she will believe me,"
Elizabeth threw him a questionable look before rising. She moved forward a couple of steps before abruptly turning. Richard noticed that she was pensive. Her right palm was coving the lower part of her face as she began to pace. "Let us just say that we manage to find a couple who will happily take my babe and pretend that it is theirs," she surmised "How exactly will I go through this pregnancy and then my confinement without notice?"
"I live in a small community, with even smaller minded people," she continued "Mama and Papa will be the first to notice as my body changes and I could not bear for them to think ill of me,"
Fighting back tears that had begun to sting her eyes she was positive that she looked as miserable as she felt. However, Richard just saw a frightened and vulnerable young woman who at this moment looked both too young and too old for her years. At one and twenty the vulnerability upon her countenance made him feel fiercely protective of her, she reminded him of a lost child looking to him for guidance. He had seen that look before upon Georgiana's face after the events that arose at Ramsgate with George Wickham. He had felt powerless, being unable to help her – to ease her burden. But here was someone he could help. Although still having a girlish beauty about her the weight of the world upon her shoulders had also aged Elizabeth's youthful features. He observed the dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep she had had. Her skin was pale, almost ashen from the worry. She needed someone in her corner because lord knows if anyone found out about her current situation, she would not have anyone.
"There is a solution to that," Richard grinned looking quite pleased with himself.
"Which is?" she motioned becoming impatient. He made looking smug quite endearing Lizzy thought.
"Speak to your father. Tell him that you need some time away and would like to go and stay with your good friend Helena,"
"But I have no friend called Helena," she reasoned.
"You do now," he grinned, "I will have someone write to you posing to be this friend who was an acquaintance of Georgiana's. The letter will be sent from this dear friend of yours begging you to come south to help relieve her boredom,"
"If your father objects, tell him how difficult you are finding being here after what has transpired, and you believe that some time away will do you some good. We will have to leave it as long as possible so that you can justify being away for several months. That will give you the time away to have the babe, recover and come home,"
"He may agree to allowing me some time away, but he would forbid me to travel alone,"
"Ah yes," Richard sighed "That may prove problematic, I had not thought of that,"
This was hopeless! She would never find a way out of this; she was trapped no matter what she did. If she tried to leave Longbourn she would have to gain her father's permission but travelling alone he would never give it. If she stayed, her shame would soon be discovered, and she would lose everything. If she absconded without a word, she would never be able to return and again she would lose everything. Whatever she did, she would not win.
"Then at least allow me to ask my mother for help,"
"Richard no!"
"Elizabeth, I do not see any other option," he sighed rubbing his eyes "She will keep your secret, believe me she will not want a family scandal. You and my mother met several times, it is plausible that you might have formed an affection for each other, she liked you very much,"
"Once she finds out the truth that will quickly change," Elizabeth muttered to herself.
"I must go now Elizabeth if I want to get back to camp at a reasonable hour," he sighed quite clearly not wanting to leave her. "I will speak to my mother with some urgency. Please do not trouble yourself. I gave you my word that I would help you and I will,"
Taking her hand in his he brought it to his lips before taking his leave and retiring. Once he was out of view, she wrapped her arms tightly around herself in comfort.
Would sharing her secret with another so close to Mr Darcy prove disastrous? It looked like she would have to wait and find out.
