Confidant
Disclaimer: Castlevania belongs to Konami, not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic, it is written purely because I have a burning need to create. Although I would like to own Alucard . . . then he'd be mine.
Rating: PG-13
Part: one of one
Setting: Post Season 2
Authoress Note: Adrian is alone with the ghosts of his past.
Italics = thoughts and flashbacks
Confidant
Work Text:
When Soma found out he was the reincarnation of Dracula, he quickly developed certain expectations and was gradually becoming more and more disappointed when those expectations were not met.
He quickly decided that Hollywood was an asshole. The amount of pop media he'd seen and read where a character suddenly finds out a dark secret about themselves and their entire life changes, usually making them far cooler than they used to be, was utter rubbish.
He tried to encourage the cool transformation; he bought sunglasses; he practised a more confident walk but none of it felt natural and he quickly gave up on bringing out his inner cool self and mentally berated the spirit of Dracula inside him for not making him any less of a nerd than he was.
His other expectation was born from those around him. His friends were still good people, but he noticed they started treating him differently. Little things, they watched him more, seemed nervous when he got angry or frustrated and seemed to wait for him to turn into Dracula in a very literal sense.
It made him far more self-conscious, to where he questioned every motive and desire he felt. This ultimately led to his second expectation, voices. He kept expecting to hear the voice of Dracula in his head. Perhaps urging him gently to do things he wouldn't have done otherwise. Again, he blamed Hollywood. Possessed people in films usually had seductive voices in their minds, pushing them to do things or telling them that everyone was against them.
He had to talk to someone about this or he was going to explode, but this wasn't exactly the thing you went to a therapist about, and he was already tired of his friends walking on eggshells while being afraid of him. So, he went to the only person he could think of who might be ok, Genya. Genya wasn't on his list for people to talk about your feelings with, hell Genya wasn't even on his list for people to talk to at all. The guy seemed to actively avoid all but the most essential conversations. But there was something about him, something Soma hadn't been able to put his finger on until recently. Genya wasn't entirely human himself.
Since leaving the castle, Soma had developed a strong sense for monsters and other non-humans and Genya set his alarm bells ringing. He wasn't sure what Genya was, but he didn't need to know. He knew enough to think that maybe, just maybe, Genya would be the person he could talk to about this.
So, he turned up at Genya's apartment one rainy evening in October.
"Soma." Genya sounded surprised when he opened the door. Soma felt a pang of guilt. He'd not called ahead. He knew Genya would find an excuse not to talk to him if he gave him the opportunity, so instead, he just turned up.
"Um, yeah, hi." Soma smiled. "Um, I have a favour I need to ask you."
"Yes?" Genya did not back away from the door. Soma shuffled on the spot.
"I need to talk to someone about what's happened to me and honestly, you were the only person I could think of who might get it and not freak out."
"You want to talk to me?" Genya raised an eyebrow. The movement was uncommonly graceful, and Soma wondered briefly how anyone could look at the man in front of him and see someone who was only human.
"Yeah, about everything that's happened to me, about what I am. I figured you might get it being… different yourself." Soma looked at his shoes, feeling his face heat.
"You…" Genya stopped and let out a sigh before stepping back. "Come in, Soma." Soma looked up and smiled, following Genya inside. The apartment was pleasant, in how a dentist waiting room is nice. It was smart, sparse and grey, devoid of almost all personal touches save some interesting portraits on the wall. Soma stopped to look at one, a woman with blonde curls. He frowned at the picture as his chest grew tight. He turned away, blinking rapidly as his eyes felt hot and wet. Weird.
"You drink tea?" Genya said. "I was making some."
"Um, no," Soma muttered, still blinking and trying to slow his breathing, the tightness in his chest loosening. "Water's fine."
He sat down on the sofa that looked like no one had ever sat on it since they had made it and waited for Genya to join him. Genya eventually did and sat on the small armchair next to the sofa.
"Well." He started, sounding uncomfortable. "I…"
"This is weird," Soma blurted. "It's not what I was expecting at all, um, being the reincarnation of Dracula, I mean… it's weird." Genya sat and blinked at him for a long moment, then he took a sip of his tea.
"So, what did you expect?" Genya set the cup down on the small table next to him.
"Well, I don't know." Soma felt his cheeks heat again.
"Obviously you do." Genya sighed. "Or else you would not be here." Soma squirmed for a moment before giving up.
"Fine," he snapped. "I thought it would make me cool."
"You thought it would make you cool?" Genya repeated slowly, as if Soma were saying something outrageously foolish.
"Well, yeah, actually. In all the films and whatnot, the guy who gets superpowers suddenly becomes super cool, but I'm still, well, I'm still not cool."
"Maybe you should have used better sources for your research," Genya said. "Pop culture is well known for taking a concept and twisting it for its own purposes."
"Yeah, I know. But I was trying to think of a positive, you know? Everyone around here acts like I'm about to turn into a monster, so I figured there had to be something good too, being cools not a lot to ask."
"Well, I'm afraid that even if Dracula had been cool, I doubt it is an inheritable trait."
"You mean he wasn't cool?" Soma said.
"He was not." Genya had a strange, small smile on his face. "Instead of looking for a change in yourself, why not give some thought to why you were chosen to bear this burden?"
"What does that mean?" Soma slumped back on the sofa.
"Perhaps you share traits with him already?" Soma's eyes widened in fear and Genya held up a hand. "I'm not saying that you will make the same mistakes he did. You've already proven that won't be the case. What I mean is that perhaps your personalities already reflect each other."
"He was a nerd too, huh?" Soma said. He'd meant it sarcastically, but when Genya said nothing, he frowned and looked closer at the agent. There was a strange look in his eyes, a look that would have been grief in anyone else's, but Soma did not know what that look meant on Genya. The guy wasn't exactly normal.
"Yes," Genya said after a long moment. "You don't become a polymath by being a Jake."
"Jake?" Soma raised an eyebrow.
"Jock," Genya corrected himself. "Dracula spent more time with books than he did anything else. Was he born in these times? Then yes, they would dub him a nerd, maybe even a dweeb." The small smile was back, and Soma felt a tiny burst of warmth in his chest. "Was there anything else?"
"Voices," Soma blurted before he thought about it.
"You're hearing voices?" Genya leaned forward. Soma quickly shook his head.
"No!" he waved his hands in front of himself as if warding off disaster. "But I kind of expected to."
"You thought you'd hear voices?" Genya said again.
"Well, yeah, I mean, I've got his ghost in me or something, right? I figured he'd start talking to me."
"But that's not happening," Genya said. Soma couldn't tell if the flash of emotion he saw on Genya's face was disappointment or relief.
"No." Soma sighed. "I mean, sometimes I have ideas that are weird, and sometimes I feel things I didn't expect to, but no voices."
"You feel things you didn't expect to?" Genya said. "Clarify."
"I'd rather not." Soma felt himself turn red again. "It's nothing bad." The expression Genya fixed on him made Soma feel like the man was looking inside him. "It's nothing." He said again.
"You came here to talk, now you're fighting me?" Genya said, picking up his tea again.
"I'm not fighting you, it's nothing bad, it's just weird or embarrassing ok," Soma said, Genya sighed loudly.
"Fine," Soma snapped. "Asshole." Genya raised an eyebrow at him again. "Um, the painting," Soma pointed at the portrait he'd examined earlier. "When I looked at it, my chest went tight like I couldn't breathe," Genya said nothing, but he had, if possible, gone a shade paler.
"I see," Genya said. "And you don't know why you felt like that?"
"If I knew, I wouldn't be here now." Soma crossed his arms over his chest and glaring at the agent.
"Ok," Genya said. "I can understand why you'd find that distressing. Don't worry, I won't ask again."
"Gee, thanks," Soma muttered. Genya took another sip of his tea and coughed. Soma frowned at him. He was fidgeting. It was odd to see Genya doing something so human. Normally, the man was a statue, unnaturally still and quiet.
"You mentioned that you also had weird ideas?" Genya said, clearing his throat again. Soma shuffled and remained silent. "You said you wanted to talk."
"You said you would ask nothing else."
"Regarding disconnected emotions," Genya said. "Not ideas."
"They aren't bad or anything. I don't sit and think about the million ways I could kill my math professor or anything. It's just stuff."
"Like," Genya pressed, becoming impatient.
"Like it's weird that your hairs that colour, it would be better blonde." Soma stood and paced. "Why the hell should I be thinking about your hair? I hardly bloody know you and I'm passing judgement on your hair colour and having panic attacks when I look at your paintings."
"Soma, sit down." Soma did. "It's apparent that there is an influence, though from what you say, it sounds more subconscious than conscious."
"Oh god." Soma put his head in his hands. "I'm going mad."
"I doubt it." Genya snorted. "Though I understand it is troubling to feel another's sorrow."
"I'm not sad about your hair." Genya let out a small chuckle and the sheer surprise Soma felt at that squished his anger and concern.
"I was referring to the portrait." Genya's small smile was back and again, Soma felt a burst of warmth in his chest. "I don't know what to tell you about the hair."
"it's typical really," Soma said after a moment. "In the movies possessed people to get cool powers and seductive voices, and sudden injection of being cool. I get panic attacks and fashion advice." Again, Genya chuckled.
"It sounds awfully dull." He smiled. Soma grinned, unable not to when the warmth in his chest expanded.
"You made a joke! A rubbish one, but that was a joke!"
"I am not good at jokes," Genya admitted.
"I'm going to tell Hammer." Soma pulled out his phone to text his friend, but a pale hand closed over it, blocking the screen.
"I doubt Hammer would be interested." Genya's expression was so oddly intense that Soma put his phone down. "I don't think you have anything to worry about. I am sorry that you haven't gotten the perks you were expecting from this 'gift', but I don't think you have to worry either."
"You don't?"
"No, it sounds like you're getting echoes, perhaps some memory fragments, but not a conscious…" he trailed off, his voice catching, and for a moment Soma wanted to reach out and comfort him, though he wasn't sure why.
"You ok?" he asked.
"I'm perfectly fine," Genya said.
"Um, thanks for this. I needed to talk to someone," Soma mumbled when Genya went back to nursing his tea. "Um, you don't have to answer this, but I'd like it if you did."
"Ok," Genya's voice still sounded strained.
"You knew him, didn't you?" Genya went still. "I already figured out you're not entirely human, but from this… well, it's kinda obvious that you knew him."
Genya said nothing.
"You don't have to tell me how you know him or anything, but I just… well, I don't really know where I'm going with this."
"I knew him."
"Did you hate him?" Soma asked, and suddenly the tightness in his chest was back full force. His entire body erupted in a cold sweat and his legs started shaking. Genya watched him carefully for a moment.
"An odd question," he drawled after an endless moment. "I was angry at him, furious, but no, I don't think I've ever hated him."
"Oh," Soma said, his panic attack ebbing a little as a wave of grief and relief and something else Soma could understand. It was too mixed in with everything else, leaving him overwhelmed and confused. "That's good to know."
"Soma," Genya leaned forwards. Soma didn't move when the man invaded his personal space, wiping a finger gently across his cheek. "You're crying."
End Fic
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