I take a deep breath and make a last attempt to steady myself for what I know is coming. I turn to Tommy and tell him I'm ready, he has an odd expression on his face, but I don't ask what it's about. We walk down the hall towards the reception area. I have only been allowed in this hall one other time, and I was walking in the opposite direction then.
We round the corner and my eyes start scanning for the flash of bronze hair I'm expecting, but I do not see it. I look over the room two more times before realizing that he isn't here, I turn to Tommy curious as to who has arrived to take me to my destination. As I begin to turn I see a startlingly pale figure sitting patiently in a chair and reading a magazine.
Tommy takes my hand and walks me over to the familiar face.
"Bella, this is Jasper Hale, Rosalie's twin brother, he's going to be taking you to their house now okay?"
Tommy stares at me, clearly expecting some kind of response, but I am in a state of shock. "Bella?" he questions, shaking my shoulder lightly.
I snap out of it, "Ok Tommy."
Tommy smiles at me and turns to Jasper, "We gave her some meds a little while ago, they should kick in pretty soon, and then she'll be relatively sedate for most of the day. It would surprise me if to managed to get more than one or two words out of her once those kick in, although, if I'm being perfectly honest, it would surprise me if you got more than a couple of sentences out of her at all. How long is the drive back to your place?"
"We live about forty-five minutes away give or take, it's a fairly short ride."
Why do I feel like it is going to be shorter than forty five minutes?
Jasper and Tommy continue to talk about me as if I'm not here for the next five minutes or so. Jasper's eyes keep flashing to my face, a strange expression on his face. It is almost as if he is trying to solve some sort of great puzzle and I am the missing piece, but he can't yet figure out how to make me fit with the rest of the picture.
"Well, I think that just about covers it," he turns to me, "you be good okay? I don't want to have to come down there and bring you back before Rosalie is done with you." He moves as if he's going to hug me, but I take a step away from him. There is a short flash of disappointment in his eyes, but I do not understand it. Tommy knows better than anyone the issues I have with physical contact of any kind, especially from the males of the species.
"Alright then. Come on darlin'." Jasper seems to sense the fact that contact makes me nervous and he motions for me to follow him outside. He leads me to a black sedan, I'm sure it cost more than most people's entire college tuition, but I don't say anything about it. In fact I sit in silence until a brief, yet important, thought crosses my mind.
"Jasper?"
He turns to me a bit surprised by my sudden desire to speak to him, "yes Bella?"
"Um, this is a little awkward, but I did the people at the center happen to give you any clothing or anything for me?" I hate myself because I feel like I'm asking for things, something I swore I wouldn't ever do.
Jasper begins to chuckle under his breath, "Bella, do you really think that my wife would allow you to wear anything they packed for you at the center? Shoot, it wouldn't surprise me if she was waiting for you in the entry way with a couture dress and four inch stilettos."
This puzzles me. Not the part about Alice having ridiculous heels and a ball gown for me, that at least sounded like the Alice I remembered, but the fact that she would be waiting at the door for me. Why would she wait for me? She left.
"Now that feels like the Bella I remember." Jasper says out of nowhere. I look at him curiously. "I could feel your self doubt a mile away darlin' and I never thought I'd say this, but it's a relief. I haven't felt a single thing coming from you since I picked you up. You want to tell me what that's all about?"
"Not particularly."
Jasper is silent for the remainder of the drive.
SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA
A little while later we pull up in front of a huge light blue house. It is isolated and unsurprisingly it's bordered by some woods out back. Jasper flashes around the car before I register we've stopped and opens my door. I step out onto the driveway and turn to follow Jasper up the steps to the house, but before I can even take a step a black and white blur comes speeding towards me and grabs me around the middle.
"Bella, Bella, Bella," my former best friend cries repeatedly, "I'm so happy you're here."
I cannot fully register her words as I have started to freeze up. My knees lock and my breathing becomes labored. My mind starts to take strange turns, and I can feel my pulse elevate. This is not how I wanted to re-enter the Cullen's lives, although I suppose if I'm being entirely truthful I didn't really want to re-enter them at all.
"Ease up there sweetheart, you're giving the poor girl a panic attack."
Instantly Alice let's go of me and I start to feel relaxed, it's almost like someone slipped me a pill, but I think I would have noticed that. Then I look up at Jasper and see him focusing on me intently, a slight soothing smile on his face, and I realize that in this situation my sedative is Jasper. I shoot him a grateful smile.
Alice looks at me shocked, "Oh Bella, what did we do to you?" I hear her whisper.
"You didn't do anything Alice," I say, I leave out the second half of my statement, you didn't do anything I didn't expect you to Alice. I do not want to punish her for choosing her family over our friendship, that's the way it always should have been.
Tentatively she holds out a marble-like hand to me. I take a deep breath and lay my palm in hers. I am rewarded with a thousand watt smile, which I return with a somewhat lackluster version of my own.
"Come on," she says, "Esme and I have put a wonderful room together for you, I can't wait for you to see it." She pulls me up the steps and into the entryway, where Carlisle and Esme are waiting for me. I force myself to push away the imagery in my brain that reminds me of an all too similar meeting years ago.
"Bella," Esme whispers just barely loudly enough for me to hear her, "sweetheart." I just barely stop myself from flinching at the endearment. She slowly walks towards me as if I am a small animal she doesn't want to frighten away. Actually she's not that far off, I am after all, her traditional prey.
I stand absolutely statue still as Esme reaches out to touch my cheek, determined to keep my panic in check, but the next thing I know I am crying, long deep sobs that wrack my fragile body and leave me shaking and empty. It is less than a second before I feel Esme's arms around me pulling me close.
I am no longer aware of my surroundings, I am simply drifting in the safe space in my mind, where I am warm and loved and whole.
A/N: Okay, so this seems like a semi-awkward place to stop, but I wanted to get this up sooner rather than later because I have no idea when I'll be able to post again. I've had some requests to make these chapters longer, and some to make the updates faster, unfortunately I cannot do both of these things, I can only do one. Along the same vein, I probably won't be able to update that much in the next couple of weeks because of papers and finals, then I'll have a week of sitting on my butt at home, so hopefully I'll be able to get a few good updates in, and the week after that, there will be absolutely no updates because I will be in Italy, perhaps making a small trip to Volterra along the way. Thanks for reading, and as always drop me a review if you have something to say.
