EPOV
Being out in the world on my own was exhausting. Well, actually, if I'm being perfectly honest with myself, it isn't the world that's exhausting, but rather my family and their constant need to check up on me. Truth be told, the world and I have had very little reaction over the years.
It is true that when I first left my angel, even now I have difficulty thinking her name, I curled up into a ball for two months, unmoving, unwilling to hunt, uncaring about my survival, but eventually two things come around to drag me out of the worst of my depression. One was my brother Emmett, the other, a desire for revenge.
Emmett came and found me while I was sitting in a cave god only knows where and staring at the wall. Later he told me that he was there for five days before I even so much as acknowledged his presence. When I finally noticed him he picked me up, threw me over his shoulder, and went hunting with me, forcing me to drink. Apparently, although my mind had lost the will to survive, my body hadn't let go quite yet, and the instant he pressed the dead animal to my lips instinct took over and I started to drink.
Afterwards Emmett attempted to have a heart to heart with me about going back to her. I staunchly refused, and when I failed to bend to his wishes he begged me to come home with him, a plea to which I'd relented.
Life with the family wasn't the same as it had been before. They tried to disguise their thoughts from me, but I was constantly overwhelmed by their pity and grief. It soon became more than I could bear. I left after a month.
Of course they tried to get me to stay, begged me even, but I could not be deterred. I did manage to pacify my mother and father by telling them that I wasn't going to go back to some cave to wither and die, instead I was going to go after the one thing from my world that still threatened my angel.
Victoria.
My brothers asked to come with me, Jasper because he felt the need to atone for his actions, and Emmett, who claimed it was because he liked to kick ass, but really I could tell from his thoughts that is was because he didn't believe me about the cave.
I refused both of them, claiming it was something I had to do alone. In all honesty I just didn't wasn't to be around my family any more. I couldn't take the pity I read in their thoughts, or the constant supposing that if I just wasn't so stubborn, and I would just go back to her, that I could be happy.
So I set out on my quest to make the world a safer place for my angel. My first attempts were not very good, I went back to Phoenix, but obviously the trail had gone cold. So I started asking around, looking into unsolved murders, but I kept coming up empty, until finally I ran across an old acquaintance of Carlisle's who gave me the lead I was looking for, and I ended up in Brazil.
I chased her all through South America, but every time I got close she slipped through my fingers, and I began to suspect that she had some sort of talent. Of course, that all proved to be useless when she attempted to make her way north back towards the United States.
She crossed over the border and decided to have a celebratory meal, but unfortunately she hadn't studied her vampire history enough. If she had, she would have known that she had entered a war zone, and she was feeling in someone else's territory. The next time I saw her there were five vampires closing in on her. I could hear her thoughts as she desperately tried to find an escape route, but clearly she wasn't paying as much attention as she should have been.
Because the instant she settled on a route and implemented her plans she crashed straight into my waiting arms.
I did not waste precious seconds with witty banter a la some movie villain. I dismembered her quickly and efficiently, piling up her body parts and setting fire to them immediately. A months long search ended in less than thirty seconds.
Of course afterwards I had the Southerners to deal with. They weren't happy that I was on their territory and had taken a kill they believed to be rightfully theirs. Thankfully, my eyes were black and they could see I had not fed in some time, so they did not question me when I said I had not fed on their land. When they asked me why I had not fed in such a long time I told them I had been chasing Victoria.
This led to me giving them my entire sordid story, which they listened to attentively. With the way we were positioned around Victoria's flaming remains it was reminiscent of children gathered around a campfire to listen to ghost stories. I gathered from their thoughts that they did not frequently get visitors, at least not those they didn't feel compelled to kill. And so I told them everything, and I mean everything. From the time I moved to Forks, through my relationship with my love, our confrontation with James, and my leaving the most important thing in my universe, up until I killed Victoria.
I was surprised at how easy it was for me to speak with them. I believe that a part of me just wanted to get everything off my chest to someone who was not directly involved in the situation, someone who would not judge me for my sins.
They seemed taken with my tail and invited me back to their headquarters for the night, they even offered me a "meal" but I declined, claiming I had other matters to attend to. They bid me farewell and we turned to go in our separate directions. I'd been running for about a minute when I sensed the thoughts of one of the Southerners coming onto the fringes of my radar. Mentally the voice begged me to stop, to not be too far gone.
I don't know what made me head the mental pleadings, but I slowed my pace to a walk, and soon the vampire was able to catch up with me. I was surprised to see that it was a girl who looked to be about fourteen. She had a sweet face and blond hair, her blood red eyes actually seemed to compliment her features, they were somehow softer than the others.
Somehow I knew she was much older than she appeared, but I didn't ask her when she was changed. She came to a stop next to me and stared at me for a moment.
She uttered a single word.
"How?"
I knew from her thoughts she was wondering how I managed to leave my mate, my reason for existence.
"It was what was best for her," I responded.
She considered this for a moment, confused still. Then she spoke, "If it was what was best for her, then she was not your mate after all."
Rage ignited inside of me, potent and hot. How dare anyone question the claim I had on my angel, she was my mate, and to say that she wasn't was sheer blasphemy.
The girl could see my anger building and chose to speak once more, "Easy traveler, if she was your mate then it was not what was best for her."
With that she flitted away, back to her uncomplicated existence of consuming human life.
After Victoria was disposed of I spent my time wandering. I hunted when I needed to, and I called my family upon occasion. Every so often I would visit them as a way to assuage my guilt, but I could never manage to stay for too long, and soon the visits became shorter and farther apart.
And so I did nothing more than exist. I wasn't aware of the passage of time. I stopped and hunted when necessary, and I bought new clothing when the things I was wearing became to worn out or dirty to be seen in public.
There were so many times I came so close to returning to the Olympic Peninsula, convinced that I could simply check on her, make sure she was happy, but deep down I knew that it would never be the case.
I knew that if I went to her and saw her unhappy and unattached I would sweep in and beg her forgiveness, I would get down on my knees and promise to do whatever she asked of me for a second chance. And if she was happy it would be even worse, because I knew that I would end up with innocent blood on my hands. The blood of whatever man had made her happy, because despite my intentions, there was something deep inside of me that just kept screaming out that she was mine, and that no other man could ever deserve to touch her.
I knew it was unfair, I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help it. Somehow in my time away from her, the mating instinct took hold of me, and I was at war with myself. Half of me demanding that I go to her immediately and claim her as my own, the other half demanding I stay away, afraid for her safety and of what I may find if I got too close to her.
I was wandering around the northern part of the country when I came across a familiar scent. It was Jasper's. I knew that if any member of my family were to get close to this trail again, and I had not gone to see them, that they would chase me down until they found me. And so, I did what I did whenever I visited my family. I went into town, rented a car, and placed a call to the local hospital to get their address.
Ultimately I knew that this farce was unnecessary, I could easily have followed the trail back to the house, but I knew how much it upset Esme to think I was wandering around like some kind of savage. I'd caused her too much pain already, and so I went on with the illusion, it was a thinly veiled attempt to make believe that I was living my life in a way that she would approve of. I would pretend, she would pretend to buy my act, neither of us would say what we were really thinking.
At the rental agency I picked a simple car, it was a small town and there wasn't much need for luxury sport vehicles here, so my selection was severely limited. The woman I spoke to at the hospital gave me the address and I plugged it into the car's GPS.
As I approached the house I heard the thoughts of my family, well, at least some of them. I blocked them out instantly, not wanting to know what they were thinking about me when they realized I was getting closer. I park in the driveway and pause for a moment, I hear another car turning on to the road and I decide to wait until whoever is in it pulls in the driveway.
Only I'm given quite the shock when it happens, because as my mother pulls in front of the house I look at the seat next to her, which is occupied, by none other than Isabella Swan.
Someone has some explaining to do.
A/N: Oh, hey there readers… it's me… I'm not dead. I had a crazy busy summer that left me physically and mentally exhausted, but now I'm back at school, and I'm severely pissed off with my roommate, which has left me to take out my frustrations somehow, and writing soothes me. So although I'm really annoyed right now, at least something good came out of this right? EPOV is something I don't normally do, but I needed to get myself back into this somehow, so here you go.
