A/N: I know I know, I suck at updating, all I can say is that real life gets in the way. For those of you who are still with this story, I appreciate your patience immensely.
Over the course of the next few weeks I fell back into my old routine. Initially I was walking around on eggshells in a constant state of readiness incase I should see Edward roaming the halls of the Cullen home, but of course I should have known that I never would. Fearful that I had driven him away from his rightful place with his family I tried to casually bring it up with Rose in one of our sessions, although I'm pretty sure she saw straight through me.
"The idiot is still hear Bella, he's just not living in the house."
"Are you telling me he's living in the woods or something?"
Rose laughed, "No, nothing quite so barbaric, although that's not to say that I don't think he deserves it. When we bought this property there were actually several smaller houses scattered around that Esme has been fixing up. Edward has taken up residence in one of those. He comes to the main house for a few hours every morning when you're sleeping, which is pretty much all I can stand anyway."
That was the most that we spoke of Edward. Instead we carefully danced around my relationship with the bronze haired boy and anything that related to the supernatural at all and we worked on my issues that were more grounded in reality. Unfortunately these issues had a tendency to lead back towards Edward, at which point Rose would pause stare into my eyes and declare the session over.
At first I had felt relief at her consideration, but lately I was starting to feel frustrated. I was spending more and more time in my boxing room attempting to work the frustration out, which worked initially, but soon I started to get even more frustrated.
I felt as if my problems were some sort of maze that I was running through, only every time I managed to make a right turn, the next turn yielded a dead end, and I was forced to try a different path. I knew therapy wasn't meant to be easy, I knew that I had a lot of work to do before I could be considered healed, and I also knew that Rose and I were making some serious progress in certain aspects, but damn did I want to just climb over all the dead ends and get the hell out of the maze.
SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA
I was running through the woods barefoot and wearing a tattered ball gown. I was looking for something but I didn't know what it was, and to make matters worse, something was chasing me. The thing that was chasing me was yelling something to me, but it was in a language that I did not understand, although I knew that I had known it at one time.
Suddenly I was falling through the air. I looked above me and saw a cliff that I must have run straight off. Below me there were churning waters, and I knew that when I hit them, I would drown. I began to scream and time seemed to speed up until I was inches from the water. I braced myself for impact.
"Bella, Bella! Wake up! You're having a nightmare, wake up! Please, please, just open your eyes."
I took in a gasping breath, but kept my eyes closed, finding comfort in the darkness while my mind continued to race. I hadn't had a nightmare in well over a month, and my body seemed to have forgotten how to deal with one. I took several deep breaths while I attempted to settle my mind.
As the remnants of the dream slipped away I became more aware of my surroundings, though my eyes were still closed. I was being held in someone's arms, arms that were too large to belong to any of the females in the house and too small to belong to Emmett, leaving only three people available to be the ones holding me. I didn't think it was Jasper because although we'd gotten closer since I'd been living at the house, he still tended to maintain his distance from me. I took a deep breath in through my nose, and my worst fears were confirmed, I was being held by Edward.
"Please Bella, open your eyes, please let me see that you're okay."
I shook my head back and forth violently. The motion caused me to realize that my head was buried in his neck, and I reared back suddenly at the closeness, keeping my eyes tightly shut. I tried to move out of his grasp entirely, but his arms locked around my waist forcing me to remain on his lap. Hot tears began to leak from my tightly closed eyelids.
"Please let me go" I pleaded, "please, just let me go."
His arms tightened around me in response to my plea, "why won't you open your eyes? Why will you not let me see that you're okay?"
I shook my head back and forth again, sobbing heavily now.
"Tell me Bella, please just tell me."
"It's because I'm not okay, and if I look at you, it will only get worse."
He released me with a strangled cry and I heard the door slam while I bounced on the bed. As I finally opened my eyes to get my bearings I heard the front door slam as well, and the tinkling sounds of splintered glass.
I rolled over and cried myself back to sleep.
SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA-SA
I woke up the next morning feeling drained, but as I got dressed and made myself breakfast, my fatigue gave way to an entirely different emotion. Anger.
I was pissed.
It was with my anger ruling my head that I stomped my way downstairs to my session with Rose. I found her waiting calmly in her usual chair. Once seated, I was unable to restrain myself.
"What the fuck happened last night Rosalie?"
Rose regarded me placidly, "I could ask you the same thing?"
"What the hell do you mean you could ask me the same thing? I had a nightmare, as us fragile little humans do from time to time, and when I woke up, I was being physically handled by the one person on earth who isn't supposed to be anywhere near me. So I'm going to ask you again, what the fuck happened last night?"
Rosalie sighed, "This all has to do with things you aren't ready to hear Bella –
I cut her off, "Really? I'm not ready to hear about why Edward was in my room? Are you fucking with me right now?"
"Bella the reason Edward was in your room last night isn't simple, in fact it's hugely complicated, and as your therapist I don't think you're ready to deal with why he was in there."
"Honestly Rose, I don't give a flying fuck what you think right now. You're going to tell me what this huge secret is, or so help me god, I am packing a bag and leaving right now."
She raised an eyebrow at my threat. "Do you honestly think you could get past me Bella?"
I shook my head, "Oh I'm well aware that I can't, and you're welcome to stop me from leaving. But know that if you won't tell me what's going on, and you won't let me go, then I'll stop talking, I'll stop eating, I'll do my best to stop sleeping until you decide to let me go or tell me what the hell is going on in my own life."
She tried to stare me down, but I stared right back at her, unblinking. There was one thing all the Cullens would happily agree on when it came to me. I was stubborn as hell, and once I made up my mind to do something, I would not be moved.
Rose must have seen the determination in my eyes because she looked away, and sighed.
"Well then, you'd best make yourself comfortable Bella, this is going to be a long discussion."
A/N: So there you have it. Bella's finally going to get to hear what the hell has been going on with her. Thanks for reading, and if you feel so inclined to leave a review, I greatly appreciate them.
