Sort of a sequel to Exceptional Hearing.
AU! Dudley and Harry have made up. Dudley is now dating Hermione.
Prompts:
[Location] Knockturn Alley
[Character] Dudley
[Object] A Howler
WC: 1000
With a bouquet of peach roses in one hand and a box of chocolate in his other, Dudley looked quite a sight. He was dressed in his fanciest suit, complete with a tie and cufflinks; it was tailored to fit his robust physique. His wavy hair was parted to the side, and his skin slightly glistened with the small amount of cologne he had applied especially for the occasion.
Dudley was dressed to impress.
The only problem was that he was hopelessly lost. Dudley looked around the dark, twisting alleyway, grateful that his son was safely at home with Harry, who had happily opted to take care of Colin while Dudley went out on the most important date of his life. The place was definitely not suitable for children, and Dudley suspected that the suspicious-looking characters loitering around the gloomy lane were the wizarding equivalent of prostitutes, tramps and drug dealers.
"What's a handsome young man like you doing here?" one of the scantily dressed women cooed, strolling towards him with her wand tapping against her bare thigh.
"Just leaving," Dudley said, quickly dodging the woman's attempt at touching him. He tried to look around to find a way out, but he couldn't see anything useful. He knew he needed to get to Hermione soon, or else she would worry. He didn't want to be late for their date.
Since his wife had divorced him, blaming him for their son's deafness and magic, Dudley had changed his life around for the better. His relationship with Harry had strengthened over time, and Harry had introduced him to Hermione. As the brunette witch had a deaf cousin on her father's side, she was fluent in sign language; she had taught Harry and Dudley how to communicate with Colin, who began to look at her as a mother figure.
As he thought about his now-girlfriend, Dudley absentmindedly patted his pocket to make sure the little velvet box was still with him. He wandered down the twisted alley, grimacing at the depraved sights in the dirty shop windows. Harry had warned him about the Muggle-baiting items found in the shops, and Dudley had no intention of entering any shop to ask for directions, afraid that it would be incredibly obvious that he was a Muggle.
He had just passed by The Coffin House—a shop that had sent shivers of fear and disgust running down his spine—when he caught sight of a tall redheaded man walking out of the opposite shop, McHavelock's Wizarding Headgear, with a black wig in his hand.
"Weasley!" Dudley yelled out, and the man whirled around in surprise. Dudley hurried to catch up to him. "Oh, thank God I found you!"
"Dursley? What are you doing here?" George Weasley questioned, his eyes wide. "You do know this isn't the best place for Mug—"
"I know." Dudley tried to hide the flowers behind him, not wanting George to mock him. "I got lost."
"Well, come on, then. Let's get you back out there, but we'll have to hurry. My wife's not very happy with me," George said, motioning for Dudley to follow him.
Just before they could head back to Diagon Alley, a grey owl swooped in and landed on George's shoulder, a red envelope tied to its outstretched leg. Dudley vaguely remembered it as something that screamed.
"Shit," George said, quickly untying the letter from the owl's leg and shooing it away.
"What's that?" Dudley couldn't help but ask. Hermione had encouraged Colin and him to ask her questions about the wizarding world, and they both liked listening to her detailed answers.
"A Howler. It—"
"It enchants the written message into the writer's voice at an incredibly high volume," Dudley recited, remembering Hermione had told Colin about it long ago. When George looked at him, he shrugged. "Hermione."
"Of course," George said with a soft chuckle. Taking a deep breath in, he cautiously poked the Howler in his hand, and it trembled as the flap opened.
A woman's furious voice boomed out of the mouth-shaped letter. "George, get back here and undo this Charm! I will smother you in your sleep if you don't give me my hair back! Just because you're my husband doesn't mean you can get away with this shit! Get back here, Weasley, or you're dead! I'll set fire to your house! I'll burn down your shop! I'll shove dead caterpillars down your throat!"
Dudley watched the letter tear itself to shreds before he looked at George, who stared at the wig in his hand with rising terror. Dudley cleared his throat and asked, "What did you do?"
"Made her go bald. Literally... The charm won't allow her hair to grow back—but the problem is that she's got an important dinner to go to tonight."
Dudley winced at George's explanation. "Wow. You've got some nerve. Even I know never to mess with my woman's hair."
"It was supposed to be an experimental charm," George said, holding the wig up and inspecting it. "Do you think this looks like Angie's hair?"
Dudley had only met the dark-haired woman once, but he knew the wig wasn't right. When he mentioned it to George, the redhead simply shrugged and said, "No worries. She's not going to burn our house down. She's probably exaggerating."
Dudley remained silent; he remembered the time his friend, Piers Polkiss, had asked his wife to chop off her hair and how violently the woman had reacted. Piers still had scars to show.
George walked Dudley back to the entrance of Knockturn Alley and said, "Well, here we are! I'll go home and try to make it up to the wife. And you… do whatever you were doing dressed in that monkey suit."
Dudley wanted to protest that it wasn't a monkey suit, but it did itch near his waist. He thanked George before hurrying to Hermione's bookshop. He thanked God—and that Merlin character Hermione talked so much about—that she wasn't one to threaten him like that.
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