vii. seven;

He has the fishing rod again today—it's a hobby of his, yes, but this is getting outright suspicious. And if there's anything right now that unsettles her, it's seeing fishing being used as a coping mechanism again. He should just catch fish just because. Not so that he can angst at the fish. The fish can't even understand human angst anyway. She never even angsted like this when he turned her down and broke her heart, for goodness' sake.

She catches up to him in the living room and snatches his sleeve.

Judai stops.

"Could I—" she begins strongly, but feels her courage dwindling already. Still, she persists because she's not a quitter: "Could I come along?"

She misses their trips to the lake. They had only gone fishing twice together, and she already sort of misses sitting underneath the shade of the trees and reading and talking with him and feeling the breeze when it blows by. She doesn't like fishing that much, but she misses the peace with him. She misses the company. It brightened her world a bit. Made it slightly happier, a bit more radiant. Not as dull or gray. It's probably the same for him because it was he who invited her both times. So she would really like it if they can keep having those trips, assuming she can fix things.

Judai does not look at her from over his shoulder, but casually says, "I thought you didn't like to go fishing?"

"I like it!" She burns her gaze at her hand clutching his sleeve. "I like sitting there and watching." I like sitting there and chatting with you. "I just don't like that trout," she grumbles offhandedly. If she and the trout ever meet again, they are bitter enemies.

He stifles a laugh all of a sudden, like it's really that funny. "The trout might come back if you come along. It likes you, after all."

She sulks, "That'll be my problem." And it'll be another problem if she has more laundry of fish-smelling clothes to wash again, but one thing at a time first. Baby steps. If things between him and her can be fixed, then she's willing to sacrifice more clothes and laundry detergent to the trout if she has to. Clothes and laundry detergent can be bought again and again, but this between them can't.

"You might get bored."

Asuka shrugs halfheartedly. "Also my problem."

Lightly, Judai tells her, "Alright, you can come along then. Just don't complain when the trout comes back." Knowingly, he adds, "Pick your book and then we'll go."

She wants to say no. No, she won't bring a book this time because he can never let her read anyway—but, another part of her wonders if they would even talk about anything after what she did, so she listens to the anxiety in her heart and agrees: "I'll be right back."

Maybe she'll take her deck too; her Cyber Angels always makes her feel calmer.

.

.

Asuka is right to bring her deck along.

As she sits on the grass, her book aside and rearranging her cards around absentmindedly, it gives her something to do and distract herself. She smiles a bit wistfully when she sees Cyber Tutu, the memories still fresh in her mind—they stay as distant, happy memories because that's the most they'll ever be now.

A couple feet away, Judai releases the small fish he caught and throws the line back out. He looks very deep in thought, sitting criss-crossed and quietly holding his rod. Angsting.

She wonders if he had been like this for the past few days nonstop, just… thinking about things. He had developed this habit ever since they came back to this dimension years ago—it worries her because he tends to ignore everything, forgoing his health and social life, as he brooded.

Had he been brooding since her birthday? They may have started talking relatively normal again since yesterday, but she can tell he still thinks about what had happened prior. He's the type who overthinks things if it involves him and other people, and she would think she qualifies as 'other people.'

But like him, she also has things on her mind too.

Mainly, the unfinished conversation they had in her bathroom that she doesn't want to talk about because it makes her feel insignificant, sort of like a speck. It's like the fun never ends with Johan and Jim, like Judai can just joke around with them and they'd joke back and everything is always so lively because of Johan's spirits and Karen being around for extra company.

And then there's her.

Distractedly, she shakes her head and starts gathering her cards and reshuffles her deck so she can set up a mock game to play by herself. With no opponent, Asuka thinks she can work on refining her strategies instead. Play some Duel Monsters and try to forget about her inner worries for once. She shouldn't be having a life crisis in her twenties.

So, she got rejected? Okay. Move on. So, she feels like she can't compare to Johan or Jim? Okay. She's an individual who is different. So, she's still in love with Judai? Okay. Her tenacity is astounding. So, she actually can't move on? Okay. Deal with it. So, her friendship with Judai is unquestionably strained right now? Okay. She's still working on it—

"Could we duel?" Judai inquires randomly, making her jump and almost drop her cards because this is the quietest he's ever been around her. Even the walk to here was eerily quiet, both of them doing their own forms of inner angsting. He is looking at her from over his shoulder, but she doesn't know when he started to do that.

"What about fishing?"

He reels back his empty hook thoughtfully. "It can wait—it's not like the fish will go anywhere." He places his rod down gently. "Besides… This duel is sort of important to me."

"What do you mean?" asks Asuka, scrunching her brows. Important?

Secretively, Judai smiles, abruptly cheeky. "I'll tell you after the duel." He doesn't offer anymore explanations as he reaches into his deck box to take out his deck.

Geez, she inwardly sighs at his vagueness. Not to mention, he didn't even let her agree to the duel. It must be very important, whatever it is that he's hiding from her. She's trying to make things okay for them again, and he's making it difficult for her to do that. It's hard to tell at this point who's more miserable between the two of them. She thinks she has been a good runner-up, but his pensiveness and chin bruise from the other day makes her reconsider it.

Asuka reshuffles her deck for a second time and starts grabbing the first five cards. They didn't bring their duel disks, so this will be a quiet game without special Solid Vision effects.

Judai sits down across from her, also shuffling his deck with a pleasant grin. "We haven't dueled in a while. This is nice," he comments, taking five cards. (She doesn't think they could've even dueled at all, given what's been happening between them lately.)

"Mhm." She starts feeling nostalgic. "I'll go first, I suppose."

.

.

"I play Pot of Greed," she declares, showing him the card from her hand before placing it on the pile of cards acting as her Graveyard. Studying her hand after drawing two more cards, Asuka frowns inwardly.

He had destroyed her Etoile Cyber, so the Fusion card [1] in her hand is useless. Cyber Gymnast is in defense position while Blade Skater is in attack position. Cyber Tutu is in her hand, but it's risky if she doesn't have the right card. She only has 1400 lifepoints, and he has 2200. His Elemental HERO Sailorman would end her if she ends her turn now because of its special effect, and she will not let that happen.

With robust determination, she slaps a spell card down. "I activate Machine Angel Ritual, and I offer both Blade Skater and Cyber Gymnast to bring forth Cyber Angel Dakini!"

Knowing Dakini's special effect, he takes Elemental HERO Necrodarkman's card and places it in his Graveyard pile. "I'll remove Necrodarkman because of Dakini's effect." He only has one monster on the field now.

He doesn't look bothered, so Asuka knows he has a plan and fights back a scowl. She will lose if she doesn't do something quickly. "I'll attack your Sailorman with Dakini."

Judai calmly accepts the attack and places Sailorman into his Graveyard, bringing his lifepoints to 1300. Still not bothered. It becomes her incentive because she does not give up dammit.

"I'll set this and end my turn." She sets Holy Life Barrier facedown. If she knows him by now, he will use Necrodarkman's special ability soon.

He looks at her for a moment over his cards. "Relax a little, Asuka. You don't seem happy," he remarks, drawing a card and setting it in his Trap and Spell zone.

In some sort of defiant response, she scowls more. "I'm just wondering why we're even having this duel, Judai."

Casually, he replies simply, "Soon." He plays Flute of Summoning Kuriboh and places Winged Kuriboh's card in defense position after finding it from his deck. He places another facedown in his Trap and Spell zone and ends his turn.

Being vague must be his other talent. With a slight frown, Asuka summons Cyber Tutu's card on her field after drawing a card. Daringly, she says, "I'll attack with Dakini," to see what his facedowns are. He flips over a card to reveal Attack Nullification, then grins at her as he dramatically dangles it to her face and sets it to his Graveyard pile. Rolling her eyes at the maturity of his taunting, she drones, "Turn end."

He draws a card and sets it into his Trap and Spell zone, and ends his turn.

Drawing a card, she takes the quick turn as a bad sign, but does not back down and also plays Prima Light to replace Cyber Tutu with Cyber Prima: "I'll attack with Cyber Prima."

Judai flips over another facedown trap, revealing A Hero Emerges. "Pick a card, any card!" he chimes cheerfully, holding up his hand that only contains three cards. Biting the inside of her mouth, she gestures to the one from his left. "Thanks!" She is unamused to see Elemental HERO Neos in attack position and saving his lifepoints again. Granted, Winged Kuriboh's effect would've prevented him damage, but at least his field would be empty. Huffing, she watches as he proceeds to use the center card of his hand, revealing H - Heated Heart. "I'll equip this on Neos and have him destroy Dakini. I end my turn."

Mournfully, Asuka discards Dakini to her Graveyard before drawing a card. Her lifepoints drop to 1100.

"Someone's grumpy today."

She glares, the flames in her eyes unextinguished. She still loves him, but she will not tolerate these sorts of comments. Besides, he's the one being stubborn and won't tell her why they're dueling right now. Which is why it can't be helped that she, admittedly, feels a little fed up right now. Confused, but mostly fed up. She doesn't want to yell at him about it, not with this massive guilt trickling in her chest, but she just wants things to go back to normal again. Is there something wrong with that?

He sheepishly smiles, apologetic. She tries to inwardly shake away her frustration. He was probably trying to lighten up the mood or something. Calm. She needs to stay calm.

Doble Passé greets her when she draws. Immediately, she sets it faced down. She takes The Warrior Returning Alive spell card from her hand and activates it. "I'll use this to bring back Cyber Gymnast." Resolutely, Asuka takes Cyber Gymnast's card from her Graveyard and sets it in defense position. She also discards her Fusion card to the Graveyard to meet the card conditions. "Her special ability lets me destroy one attack-position monster if I discard a card. I'll choose Neos."

He puts Neos in his Graveyard.

"I'll attack Winged Kuriboh with Cyber Prima," she proclaims afterward, watching him set Winged Kuriboh to the side as well. "Turn end."

Drawing a card, Judai begins to set the card from his right in attack position. "I'll use Necrodarkman's special ability now and summon Elemental HERO Bladedge from my hand." Filled with inevitable dread, she wonders for a second how much luck he has and cannot seem to find an answer. "I'll use him to get rid of Cyber Prima."

He still hadn't specified why he wanted to duel her today, and she thinks that maybe something is on the line if either loses. Asuka doesn't know if this is the case—but if it is, then she'd like for a chance to defend herself in the best way she knows how to. Tenjoin Asuka doesn't go down without a fight, after all. Her heart may have been broken, but her resolve is sturdy.

In her last moment of survival, she flips over Doble Passé with a smile. "It's a tie," Asuka smiles. She keeps smiling because even though it had peeved her to see herself losing, she still thought it was fun. He is right: they haven't dueled in a while. And it's refreshing. For a while, it really felt like old times again.

"I was wondering when you'd use that. It's your signature card, after all," Judai grins, gathering his cards together. She also does the same, smiling as she gathers her cards. "I was going to tell you something if I won, but we ended up with a draw." He starts to look serious now, the hint of a smile receding off his countenance.

Asuka tilts her head, a wary curiosity in her eyes. The adrenaline from the duel is beginning to fade, and she feels herself calming down to think rationally again. "You can still tell me," she murmurs, a little dejectedly. He had been dependent on a duel just to tell her something?

He considers it, rolling his eyes up in thought before he shifts his gaze to his deck lying idly in his hands. "Alright." He inhales. "I've been doing some thinking lately." Asuka leans back to the tree trunk she had been resting against, listening. "About what happened… during your birthday." Her heart stops. He avoids her eyes, awkward. "You probably noticed that I've been stepping out a lot. I've been coming here to think."

"So that's why it's been so quiet lately," she mumbles. Anxiety is building up in her chest. Horrible, terrible anxiety—and she hates it. But she's trying to be brave because Tenjoin Asuka is stronger than this. If she survived this long, then her resolve is like a sturdy diamond: well-polished and ready to withstand whatever that may chip it.

Judai offers a consoling nod. He's becoming really good at being pensive nowadays.

"Yubel and I have been discussing," he admits, and her heart stops again. The anxiety is burning, but she forces herself to stay still. "I like visiting you, I like staying over, I like talking with you, I like eating with you, I like seeing you around, I like dueling with you." He pauses, trying to compose his words. "I guess, I sort of see your apartment as a comfort place. I don't really visit the others as often as I do here, except Johan probably. But even then, I still come back here if I can't think of anywhere else to go. I don't even mind it when you scold me about stuff since no one really does that to me often anymore, except Yubel. Makes me feel like someone really cares." He turns away a little, awkward once more.

She also looks away and leans her chin against her knees. "That's because you're reckless," Asuka grumbles, thinking about all the times she had seen him get injured in some sort of way. She honestly lost count a long time ago. Pausing, she frowns a little disapprovingly. "We all care, Judai."

"And I know I'll be fine because I've got you and everyone else looking after me. Remember my chin bruise?" he weakly jokes, pointing to his chin that he tilted up. The band-aid is still there. She thought he would've taken it off because it makes him look silly or something. He tilts his head back down and smiles tepidly. "And also Fujiwara Yusuke? You were really fed up with me by then, huh?"

"Everyone was." She sighs as the grim nostalgia sinks in, but she can't really find it as something to be mad at now that it's become a memory. Set cards aside, she hopes his aloof attitude back then hadn't made things difficult for the others like him and her.

"Anyway—" Judai fumbles with his deck, awkward. He's always full of smiles and grins and jokes and laughs, so she can tell he rarely has serious conversations like this before. "—Yubel thinks it's good that you could take care of me in ways that they can't because they're a spirit and hardly have the resources to take care of me as we travel."

She hopes she isn't wavering as she coaxes, "And?"

If he had been discussing this with Yubel, then she can only imagine. Not conclude. She's an outsider, after all. Judai's world is vast, and Yubel is literally a piece of it. She's just there somewhere. A speck. Does Yubel tolerate specks? She doesn't know whom Yubel is tolerant of, but she can't possibly be in this list herself, considering that she's in love with their soul partner. She's never met Yubel personally before, never saw a fragment of their world, but—

"And… Yubel doesn't mind it that much if it's you. We both don't mind it that much." Judai stops messing with his deck and simply holds the cards. She can see the intensity of how hard he's clutching at his deck by looking at the veins on his knuckles. "So, I've been doing more thinking, and... Well— It might not be a bad idea if I could keep coming back. To your place, I mean."

Slackened, she is wide-eyed and blinks. "W-What?" He wants to keep coming back? Even after what she did?

"This isn't something that I'm good at." He apologetically grimaces for a moment, and she wonders what he specifically means. "There are still a lot of things that I'm trying to think about. You're one of the people who've seen some of the things I've been through."

She nods quietly, murmuring, "Like the Dark World?" (He nods, grimly.) She had only seen some of it, but knows that he was greatly affected by it because of how he drastically changed when he came back. Back when he saved that little boy, Kyle, she had already noticed he had begun to undergo changes—even more so when Larz died in front of everyone and Judai was adamant to go to a prison camp to search for Johan. She had never seen him so genuinely agitated and troubled that he'd leave everyone behind. "I was scared. Kenzan-kun told me that you changed a lot, and I didn't know everything that happened. It was like you were someone new." Her face scrunches up with concern.

Back when she had slapped him, it was like she didn't know him anymore. She felt scared and left in the dark, like a shadow trying to cling to something but can't because everything's too far away to cling onto.

He looks guilty. "Everything can change," he says gravely, burdened; tired of the world for a moment. "Even when you don't want them to."

The moment he said that, it sounded really painful and weary. Like he endured five lifetimes of the same experience than just one. Like he just wants to rest.

He may have gotten his old energy back nowadays, but Asuka can tell it's like a ghost that plagues him deeply.

Perhaps this is also why he looked so sad that day when he turned her down. Not just because of his promise to Yubel, but also because of himself and this guilt. This guilt of letting her die. But she came back and she's still alive. Their friends are still alive. That would matter more than them 'dying,' she thinks.

Patiently, she smiles. "For every bad change, there can be good change. It's up to you whether or not you want to accept those changes." Her fingers pick at the fabric of her dress. "And if you can't, then that's fine. There'll be more changes. You said so yourself: everything can change."

Change is unexpected.

Change is refreshing.

Change brings challenge, and challenge makes it worthwhile once bested.

"New change can't change death," he mutters, sullen. His smile is very sad; a bit empty and hollow. It leaves a bitter taste in her mouth because his world has always been dazzling. Not the opposite. A sad Judai doesn't really fit in any world.

Brow furrowing, she thinks over her next words carefully with a resolute light in her eyes to prove him wrong. Prove that there is still something to live for. That it isn't the end of the world yet—because if that were true, then why are they still here?

"No. Nothing can," she says slowly, unwavering and patient. "But change means being able to grow past it and live. Change means understanding what you did and to grow." He can have as many inches as he wants to his height over hers, but she cares more about his growth. "You understood what you did had consequences—and you feel guilty over it. But if that's all you do, how will you spend your life? Growing up means dealing with these things, but it's also not an excuse to be mopey about it."

Like her. Being rejected hurts, it will sting, but if she does nothing but mope, then how will she live her life? If something could be done to rectify things, then she would do anything to take that chance. Even if it means living the rest of her life knowing he rejected her, because at least she would get her closure.

Asuka exhales. "It's okay to make mistakes, because that proves you're normal. I never blamed you when we came back. Nii-san didn't. Manjoume-kun was angry, but he didn't either. Kenzan-kun didn't. Sho-kun didn't. If they still did, then they wouldn't really be friends. But we're all still friends now, even if we're far away."

He's quiet, like he has some doubts. Her frown deepens.

Bravely, she adds: "Johan wouldn't want you like this either, because he also knows it's not your fault. He'd feel sad if he found out that you're still sad over it."

She never got to know Johan as much as Judai did, but she knows that Judai wouldn't be so close with someone like Johan for no reason; wouldn't risk his life for Johan for no reason. When she and Johan (and O'Brien) talked during graduation night, she could tell that he's similar to Judai, but a little different: loyal and forgiving, ready to move on towards the future. Johan already forgave him, so she can't see why Judai is still unable to have his closure. Maybe one day, she hopes those two can have a heart-to-heart talk about it rather than with her because Johan knows him best.

But Johan isn't here right now to talk some sense into him, nor can she ever be like Johan with her small world. But Asuka wants Judai to realize that adult life means to move forward. She thought he did during that tag duel, but a few years have passed since then—if he's still haunted by this, then maybe he didn't really have a chance to talk it out with anyone.

Well, she's here right now.

And she will talk to him, heart broken or not. Because she still cares.

Determined, Asuka continues: "You were lost. You didn't know what would happen. There is nothing wrong with wanting to save a friend. I may not have experienced half of what you did, but I have experienced loss once." Her eyes try to seek his, but he won't look at her. "Remember when I was still trying to find Nii-san? I was sad too. But I never gave up, even when it seemed like hope was low. I told myself to keep trying and to live for his sake. I wanted to keep growing and hope that I can live for him." With a tentative smile, Asuka sits up and gives him a kind look. "Will you let those people's lives be for nothing by feeling guilty? If Johan can find it in himself to look past this, then do you think you can too? Will you try to move on, Judai?"

He's quiet.

She persists, because it needs an answer: "Will you keep sitting here feeling sad, or will you do something by moving on and living for everything?"

His eyes blinking at his hands—at the grass, at the world, at life, at himself—Judai sighs and replies, "Move on." He sounds really tired, and the remorse is evident in how his shoulders slump.

It's hard on him, she knows. But at least he gave an answer that indicates he wants to change this. He's changing again.

And this time, these are good changes.

If he had gotten his old energy back again after all these years, then he's getting better. He never mentioned it to her, but she can tell he really is getting better because he would not be here if he wasn't. They would not have this talk if he wasn't. He would not visit her, Johan, or Jim if he wasn't. He would not stay here with her right now if he wasn't.

She smiles wider, eyes warm. If she can move on from this, then he can too. He just needs a push. "Then you should start with accepting change and live for those people." Live for me, someone who had 'died' as well. Live for Manjoume-kun, Nii-san, Kenzan-kun, Sho-kun. Live for everyone.

He seems to have made his decision quietly because he starts remembering why they're even having this conversation, and he changes topics back to themselves. (She hopes she got something to go through his head. If only Johan were here.) "Then, understand that this—" Judai hesitantly gestures a finger back and forth between the two of them. "—won't change for us. It's... a good thing."

She also thinks their normalcy is something that she likes best unchanged. "To be honest, I really didn't expect you to bring it up or tell me any of this," she admits.

"Ah." He takes a moment to gather his thoughts. "I hope you understand that I don't really know much about… love, right?" She blinks. So, he had been brooding about that after her birthday? "Yubel's the only one to ever tell me that they love me." He hastily mentions, "Until you did!" He shifts, uneasy. "I'm not smart like Misawa, but I could tell you really meant that. It confused me since I wasn't sure what sort of love it is that you're looking for."

She isn't sure either; she just knows that she loves him. She's not looking for something like marriage. She's not even expecting a date or for them to be a couple or anything. She just loves him. It's really that simple. He showed her what it felt like to fall in love. "I don't really know either. I just want you to know that I'm also glad to have met you." She thought her world was pretty simple to begin with, but then he showed up and she began seeing more colors: the grayness of his pain, the brownness of his eyes that always screamed with thrill, the orange-greenness of Yubel, the redness of his Osiris spirit.

The words are familiar to him, and he smiles weakly in nostalgia. "I'm grateful for many things," he says, heartfelt. "That includes meeting you too."

As equals, this really means a lot to her.

Bravely, she asks, "What else does Yubel feel about this?" I'd like to understand.

Judai cautiously replies, "I think Yubel's sort of fond of you now in a weird way because I stop by so much." (So, Yubel doesn't hate her?) He pauses briefly. "Given our past life, I don't blame them. If it weren't for Super Fusion, I wouldn't know what would happen to us and Yubel. They… were pretty hurt from me. I'm sorta hurt from myself too that I didn't even know I had a past life; that I forgot about it. I thought I was just… me until all of that happened." He looks at his hands absently before placing a palm at his heart where Yubel must be. His face scrunches; a dulled, sad look. "It's the first time I'd ever seen someone so hurt from loving me before. I love them back too, but I'm still not sure if this is what 'love' is."

She has no idea what happened in his previous life—but for Yubel to do all of the things they had done to her and everyone in that other dimension, they must really love him. She can sort of understand that: wanting to do things out of love for someone. Love makes people do crazy things, right?

"If it's any consolation, this is my first time telling someone that I love them," she offers, tentative yet comforting. She isn't sure if she had a past life like him, but she does know that love is confusing. "I know as much as you do." His rejection probably gave her extra experience, though.

"You're smarter than that," he replies with a rueful smile.

Her eyes scrutinize him, unable to determine if he's being self-deprecating or just truthful.

She may be 'smart,' but she is never a 'genius.' He may be an 'idiot,' but he is not 'brainless.' If anything, 'idiot' is a term of endearment for him because he acts like one all the time, but he's also a special case of never-judge-a-book-by-its-cover. He's a smiler. He smiles all the time and it hides how he feels, and she thinks that's pretty lame because she thinks she knows him long enough to tell his smiles apart by now. Contrary to fifteen year old Judai, the Judai now is rather modest.

She simply sighs. "So are you."

He looks away, unable to respond. (Good. You can't deny truths, after all.)

She'll be the brave one right now: "So, why did you stay this time?"

"I don't really know," he answers idly with a weak smile; tentative, like he already knows why but doesn't know how to actually say it. He breathes for a moment. "I didn't want you to get the wrong idea if I left this time. I know you get sad when I leave. Didn't want to make another mistake, y'know." His hands are back to fumbling in front of him as he tries to figure out his next words. "Like I said, I still have a lot to think about. I've been thinking about lots of things ever since graduation ended, but a lot of stuff happens to me all the time—it's like it never ends." Despite his tone trying to sound lighthearted, she starts feeling guilty and responsible because 'stuff that happens to him' must have some reference to this past week with her. "So far, I figured out that I don't really mind staying here."

The stillness is evident as she sits. Then, she asks a tentative: "You're… staying?"

"Not entirely." He doesn't look at her at all. "I'm still going to be traveling. I think the world still needs my help, by someone somewhere, for an indefinite amount of time." He fumbles more because this is probably embarrassing for him to say. "But… I don't think it would hurt if I were to come back here more if I need a break or something…" His hand rests on the back of his neck, a sheepish and somewhat sad smile on his face. "Although, that doesn't really make a difference since I already do that, huh? Perks of not having a home anymore, I guess."

Blinking, she tries to make sense of this. She had only intended to try to mend their friendship and move on with her life whenever she sees that they can talk to each other again comfortably without the strained tension, but she really never expected him to actually stay for her after rejecting her.

Then she has to stop and think to herself: if his world is really that large, then he wouldn't have said that he'd come back. If his world is so large, then he wouldn't have a comfort place in her small, tiny world. Maybe his world isn't actually as immeasurable as she had thought?

Because by the end of the day, Judai is simply Judai. And everyone's individual worlds start out small, right? And maybe, some people prefer their world being small. Maybe he's letting her see that. She would like that, if he's still willing to unlock the gate for her.

As Judai awkwardly waves his hand in front of her eyes (probably to make sure she's still conscious), she stares and starts to feel something bubbly brimming in her heart—she can't help but feel like it's all just a dream, but the feeling of wind blowing at her face and the grass brushing at her legs and the tree resting behind her back is very real and so are the pulsing beats of her heart inside her chest.

Both of them know he already comes by often, so he wouldn't have specifically brought it up if there wasn't a point he's trying to make with it.

He wants to keep coming back. He's finally letting her back into his world.

She inhales and gathers quiet courage. "You can do whatever you'd like, and go wherever you'd like." The valor unwavering, she looks at him. "But I'll be here to tell you welcome home each time you stop by if you don't have a home yourself."

His eyes widen at her, quiet.

Asuka continues to look at him with unwavering faith, because she will make sure he has a home to go to if he has nowhere else available. He may have rejected her, but this unspoken repairment of their friendship is all that she needs in order to motivate herself to stay and bring him into her world a little. He deserves to have a home. If he doesn't have a home of his own, then she'd simply offer hers. She did tell him that her place is a home for both her and him. She's sure that any of their friends would do the same.

They would because she thinks that he matters.

It had been after meeting him that her life somehow spiraled. He gave everyone, not just her, the most confoundingly optimistic words of encouragement ever that Asuka is sure that life would be very different if they had not met Judai. She would never want to lose this; this special bond of theirs. It's because of this bond that she even fell in love with him.

He had told her that he found her apartment as his comfort place, although she doesn't really know what's so comforting about her small world that carries assignment papers and collections of books and scents of coffee. She wonders what aspect of her apartment he likes the most that he keeps visiting her for, but maybe it's better if she doesn't know. She won't pry. He has enough on his plate right now, after all. Whatever the answer is, Asuka is just content with this. Content with just knowing because now, she is aware that things between them are reconciled and they're still friends and they can keep up with the normalcy they've been sharing for years.

This really means a lot to her.

Thoughtfully, he starts smiling. "Consider us roommates then," he jokes with a softened gaze, like he is tenderly talking about something but she can't understand why he sounds like that because it's still normal for her to see him in her apartment like a roommate already.

Asuka tilts her head. "We were already roommates in a sense, though?"

It's like she's left out of the loop of something because she can't understand why he is still smiling softly like that, like there's a meaning that she can't seem to grasp. She thought she could read his smiles by now, but maybe he has more that she hadn't seen yet because she never saw this particular smile before. "Yeah, but I thought of saying it to make it official." The smile is still there and he sounds very fond, like it means a lot to him for some reason. "I can't really be roommates with Johan because Yubel doesn't like him, and Jim likes digging outside all day. I actually see you around in your apartment."

She still doesn't get it because he knows she likes staying inside anyway, but she nods contentedly because they talked things out today and she's happy that things are okay again. (Her heart also goes out to Johan.) "Are you going back to fishing?"

Slipping his deck back into his deck box clipped to the back of his pants, he dramatically flops to lie down on the grass next to her. He lies on his side, back facing her with his arm as his pillow. "I was but I'm tired, so I'm taking a nap instead. Wake me up in a few hours, 'kay?"

"All right," reopening her book. She brightly beams at the words on the pages and starts reading, but that thought still echoes in her head, and also her heart: He really stayed.

And suddenly: the world is so vibrant to her, and this happiness is limitless.

.

.

Judai really does fall asleep.

Asuka can't pinpoint when exactly he fell asleep, but she knows it had been a while back. She had read for about an hour and a half in peace, finishing up half of this other book she plucked from her bookshelf. Her limbs feel numb, so she gently places her book down and stretches her arms. Idly, her eyes drift to the back of his head. His breathing is barely audible, but she can still hear it and sees the soft motions he takes with each inhale and exhale.

Absentmindedly, her hand reaches out and gently smoothes out his hair, lost in her ruminations as she strokes. She wishes he would look like this more often. Judai rarely looks this peaceful when he's awake, even during the times when Asuka sees him fishing. He's always excited in some way or another, especially when he's away around the world.

She thinks it's endless: this little cycle of him in his pursuit to help others in need. Just like a hero. Just like the heroes in his deck. Asuka thinks it's endless because there will always be others in need—and Judai would always go there to help them. He would be high with enthusiasm and charge with an open smile and a fire in his eyes with pinpricks of orange and green, and he'd do the rescuing. With a life like that, Asuka thinks he would rarely have time for peacefulness.

It means something to her if he could spend a few weeks with her just… calmly fishing and hanging around in her apartment. Taking a break and winding down for a change.

Do he and Johan just have shenanigans when they're crashing together? Does he get to come along with Jim on his digging expeditions? She doesn't know what it's like when he visits their friends, but she feels happy that Judai could find some semblance of peace here with her. Like he trusts that nothing will happen when he's with her.

While he had been very tentative to hurt her with his response, he seemed certain that he didn't return her feelings when he turned her down on her birthday. Asuka still believes that love isn't her highest priority and that there are plenty of things in her life that she can live with and appreciate (such as dueling, because dueling is and will always be her first love). No stupid clichés of drowning her sorrows in ice cream or cheesy romance films, no blubbering on the phone with her female friends about how unfair life is, no wallowing in depression. Some people make it seem like it's an apocalyptic horror, really. It's hard for her to be sad with life when she has her friends, brother, job, students, her quiet time, and her books.

So yes, she got rejected. But that's fine because they were friends before she confessed, and she'd think this one-of-a-kind friendship they have is much more important because it means she can still spend her time with someone here.

Someone who could best her skills with ease, someone who could enjoy the way she duels and duel back with equal optimism, someone whom she could make a strong impression on with her Doble Passé strategy, someone who actually promised to help her find her missing brother when she never really asked for it, someone who just wanted to help her just because they are friends and not because she's the the Queen of Obelisks, someone who told her that they're grateful for their friendship, someone who keeps dropping by— and god, does he realize how significant he is in her life, even if he hadn't intended on being a big part of her life in the first place?

She says this with her heart: "I love you."

Since he's still asleep, she can say it aloud this time. He's still her first heartbreak, after all. But he's staying, and she feels reassured that he still considers her important to him as she does with him. If Yubel is currently listening to her right now, she hopes they know that these feelings of hers are very genuine. It's okay if Yubel doesn't like her, because there was never competition and she knows Judai is important to a lot of people, not just her. It's okay if he doesn't love her back, because they can share their friendship and this.

He makes a slight noise all of a sudden, and she sees that he looks a little shifted. Perhaps he just moved out of reflex. She removes her hand off his hair and decidedly goes back to her book again in case she wakes him up.

Although, she needs to look up when she sees Judai stirring. Asuka is about to greet him until she sees him look at her with the orange-green eyes.

She pauses. He sits up.

Silence commences when she studies him, studies the slant of his mouth and the sudden sharpness of his eyes and the hardened indifference.

Asuka is not dumb: "Yubel?"

The slant of those lips quirk up. "You really are as intelligent as they make you out to be." It's definitely Judai's voice, but Yubel's soul right now. A very strange combination. She gets the feeling that Yubel didn't show up for fun. This is the very first time Yubel ever decided to show up in front of her, an outsider, and upon this revelation, there is an uneasiness lurking in her chest.

Asuka is about to bravely point out that Judai is safe and she isn't planning on—

"Pest."

She stops. Then, she blinks.

Almost lazily, Yubel-Judai regards her with a quiet, dull look. "Pest," they simply repeat, like it's completely normal to possess Judai just to mock people. She wonders if this is why Judai has a lot of enemies after him. Not to mention, it's very bizarre to hear Judai's voice say these things.

But still, for all of her very-limited knowledge of Yubel, she knows that they wouldn't show up in front of a human for no reason. Which means this is serious. "Excuse me?"

Yubel-Judai slides one leg up and props an arm across it. "You are being a pest." Before she can argue, they elaborate, "I normally don't care what it is that you do. It's not worth my time—" Hearing all of this in Judai's voice is just surreal. Asuka bristles defensively when she receives a sharp look, peering into her with disapproval oozing out. "—but I'm getting tired. You've unsettled Judai for a while. I ought to open up a new dimension just to throw you in."

Grimly, she starts to understand Yubel's appearance. "I know," she admits, swallowing away her bravery. It lands in her stomach and she hopes it will last for a while. "But I've been trying to fix it."

Scrutinizing her idly, they scoff. "Which is why you're a pest." Asuka watches Yubel-Judai quietly, uncertain if she should be offended or not because Judai sometimes said Yubel is a big grump on occasions. "I shouldn't be such a frequent guest in other people's thoughts. Have you nothing better to think about?"

This makes her brows furrow for a moment, but it clicks. "You... knew?"

They shrug, mockingly donning a smile of contempt. It looks odd on Judai's face. "It's not beyond my powers to peer into the mind. I've picked up my name from you more than from this idiot himself lately." She grimaces at the dripping contemptment. "Judai is right," they say, eyeing her. Asuka looks up, startled. "You do worry about the littlest things." Despite the tone, it sounds like an observation. Asuka colors a bit, feeling embarrassed that even Yubel noticed her mannerisms. But they do share souls with Judai, so she supposes sharing thoughts is not uncommon for them. "He is, unfortunately, not the same."

"The same?"

"He's an idiot," Yubel-Judai says, fond. It must be an affectionate term of endearment with how they said it. "So, he can't think as fast as you."

She lets the meaning sink in: he had a lot to think about. With a careful gaze, Asuka delicately replies, "What are you trying to say?"

The derisive smirk curls up even more. It must be some shared trait between Judai and Yubel to tease her. (Openly mock, in Yubel's case.) "That I'm not sending you into another dimension. A shame, really."

Asuka blinks.

They give her a flat look. "If I got rid of you, he'd be the opposite of happy. I suppose even teachers lack intelligence once in a while." Her face scrunches. "My Judai-kun is happier now—" They narrow their eyes at her, and she sees orange-green and hostility and something else she cannot quite interpret. The fact that she's seeing it on Judai's face makes her heart lurch for a moment. "—so, don't screw it up."

What? She shakes her head wildly at the sentence, feeling like there is some double meaning lodged in it. She's pretty sure that she had already screwed up on her birthday.

At her face, Yubel-Judai rolls their eyes, like it's Asuka who's making things complicated instead. As if attempting to be merciful, they offer, "He's as confused as you are."

Confused as she is? Judai seemed pretty certain in most of what they talked about. What else is he confused about that she doesn't know? Still, the fact that Yubel is here reminds her that Judai made his decision already during her birthday, right? So she still doesn't see why Yubel is even here, talking to her. Asuka looks on skeptically. "But I thought—"

As if they knew, they casually interrupt her with: "He and I, Judai and I, Haou and I: we are bound forever, our souls are one. I can't be mad at the prospect of spending an eternity with him—" They look at their hand and flex their fingers. Despite the casualness of their stance, there is something loyal in the way Yubel looks while wearing Judai's face. "—given what my purpose is. I am with my king now. Forever." They clench their hand. "I will watch and protect him, forever."

As Asuka sits there, her emotions are buzzing everywhere in her mind and heart, disheveled. It feels like everything is happening so fast, and she can't keep up. King… Judai did mention his past life, and he did mention he loves Yubel back. He rejected her for them, so she thought she should do the logical thing and move on. But here is the spirit, themself, telling her that she's making Judai disoriented and that Yubel is forever connected to Judai's soul. Yubel hasn't really been too clear, so she feels left in the dark. Is she supposed to be happy or sad right now?

What does this even mean for her?

Probably reading her thoughts again, Yubel-Judai looks fairly humored, eyes mocking again as they raise an eyebrow at her. "It means that everything is, in your words—" They jeer at her, unfriendly but not maliciously. It's probably the closest thing to nice. "—okay."

Okay? Is this under the same context she's been thinking about?

"Why did you show yourself?" Asuka blurts, a desire to understand drizzling over her words.

They give another shrug. A bit frustrated, she can't tell if they're being ambiguous deliberately or not. Judai's ability to be vague must've rubbed off on them. "You apparently seem to be under this vivid impression that I control and influence everything for Judai." Despite looking bored, Yubel-Judai looks at her from their periphery. "Reality is like a coin. It contains lies, along with truths. Light and darkness. Love and hate. Balance is important. Do remember that." Looking reflective, they mention, "As long as I can stay with him, it's all I need."

She can't bring herself to ask if they mean stay with the king or if they mean stay with Judai.

Yubel-Judai probably picked up on it, because they give a secretive, taunting smile. "You'd best rectify your other problem soon," they say, nonchalant. "Because it's hard watching him use his brain for once. It's like he doesn't know how to use it."

"What other problem?" she asks, weary. Her friendship with Judai has been repaired, Judai is starting to show progression in his trauma recovery, she is no longer too depressed over his rejection, and Judai deems it okay to dub themselves as roommates while confirming that he'd still come back to her apartment. What other problem could Yubel be referring to? It's like a riddle.

Another smile of mockery. At this point, it might as well be Judai's new default expression when he gets his body back. "You're a teacher, so you're clever enough to figure it out yourself." The more she talks to Yubel, the more she feels like Yubel is merely confusing than intimidating. "But enough of that," Yubel-Judai dismissively says. "I've said all I needed to say. I have taken over long enough."

Given the topic of their conversation, Asuka tentatively asks, "Will Judai know about this?"

They snort, like she said the funniest thing in the world. "He sleeps like a deceased rat. This is the very least of your problems, I can assure you."

And with that, Yubel seemingly vanishes back into Judai's soul, and Judai's body slumps before he sits up and blearily blinks around with his brown eyes. He's frowning, but she passes it off as a dream he had.

Even if they did call her less-than-intelligent and a pest a couple of times, Asuka decidedly chooses to trust Yubel. So she simply asks Judai, pleasantly, "Bad dream?"

Looking unamused, he pouts about something before he mumbles, "I guess so." He pats his hair neatly and stretches his arms.

"You guess so?"

Judai rolls his eyes and whines, "Yubel woke me up and now I can't remember if it was a good dream or bad dream, Asuka!"

Lightly, she smiles. "I'm sorry," she offers, appeasing. If Yubel had to point out that she unsettled him for a bit, given the past week, maybe she can cut him some slack. "How about we head back now? We could have another duel or two? That could be my apology to you."

Pretending to ponder deeply, Judai nods. "Alright," he agrees as she picks up her book. He stands up to pick up his fishing rod, then wags it at her teasingly. "Better we duel than make you do more laundry, right?"

Also standing up, she laughs and nods, and this gap in her heart begins to feel whole again. It feels so, so liberating and whole and she really loves this.

He strides back to where she is, and they start walking together. Yubel's words echo in her head: It means that everything is, in your words, okay.

Based on Asuka's limited interaction with them, she shouldn't have trusted Yubel. They did trap her in a suspended dimension among eleven other ones, after all. She should've been angry.

But no. Things changed. Good changes.

She trusts Judai. So if he and Yubel are soul partners, then she thinks she can trust Yubel as well, because those two must have an understanding with each other to willingly be bound forever, right? Yubel may have mocked her, but they had also merely talked to her. Maybe she had misjudged Yubel's character? Maybe it was Judai who influenced them? (Although, Judai was right about Yubel being a grump.)

And Yubel had told her that everything is okay. Does that mean they don't hate her for her confession? She doesn't know what to make of this because she doesn't think Yubel will tell her anyway, given their cryptic responses.

But, that doesn't mean she can't learn to trust them. Because from the conversation just now, it seems like they tolerate her. Probably for Judai's sake, but to know that Yubel is willing to put up with her to a point where they showed up to tell her that everything is okay, Asuka thinks that's already a lot.

So, Asuka smiles. She smiles as she and Judai stroll out of the park, and she matches his languid pace. She smiles as they walk the road back to her apartment, all of their tension vanished. She smiles because even though he said he'll still be traveling, Judai will still come back. She smiles because even Yubel had to tell her that she didn't have anything to worry about. She smiles because she and Judai are friends again.

She smiles, because everything is truly okay again.

.

.

[footnote 1] — i watched the japanese version of gx, so i tend to use the japanese names for cards too. hopefully, it's not a bother to anyone? also, apologies. i cannot write a full-length duel to save my own life, but it was important for the chapter (IF ANYTHING ABOUT THE DUEL IS INCORRECT, PRETEND I HAD BRAIN CELLS FOR ONCE OK)

anyway, this was the hardest chapter to type and i feel like i've seriously slandered everyone. i tried, at least :'/