A/N: Just a reminder that the rating on this story has changed.

"What did you do when we were apart?" I asked softly, once again afraid of his answer. I wanted to believe what Rosalie had told me, that he no longer had any desire to be with anyone else. But at the same time I couldn't put the idea of "distractions" out of my head.

He hesitated, ducking his head further into my neck and hair causing my heart rate to accelerate.

"Is it that bad?" I whispered.

"No," he said, "not entirely. It's just somewhat embarrassing" he lifted his head out of my neck and then moved my body so that I was facing him. This meant that I was straddling his lap, which caused a new burst of desire to well up inside of me, but I did my best to tamp it down.

"Right after I left you I just curled up into a ball and let the pain have me for a while. Eventually Emmett came and talked me around until I moved back in with the family, but that didn't last too long because I had to listen to their pity, and I knew I was making it hard for Jasper, and in turn Alice."

"What's so embarrassing about that? You were in pain, and you didn't want to force that on others." This was something that I could relate to.

"The embarrassing part comes next. I needed to get away, I knew that if I stayed eventually the grief and pity would just send me back to you and it would all be for nothing, so I decided to do the next best thing and try to make the world a safer place for you and go after Victoria, which took an embarrassingly long time."

I was startled and I gasped slightly. The Edward I knew was not a violent man. He had told me of his rebellious period, but I couldn't see him making the decision to willfully hunt down and execute another being. "Why?" I questioned.

His hands, which had been resting on my hips tightened and his eyes went dark, "because I knew that you would never be safe as long as there was a chance you might come across her."

"But why?" I asked again, "why wouldn't I be safe? You killed James and she ran away. She gave up."

He sighed, "She never would have given up Bella, James was her mate. You think we were unstable while we were apart? That's nothing compared to the instability of a vampire whose mate is taken from them. We at least knew that the other was out there somewhere, but Victoria had no hope. When a vampire loses their mate they either fall down and beg for death or relentlessly pursue the person that took their mate away from them. Victoria didn't throw herself on the sword so to speak, so I assumed she would be the later.

"I tracked her to South America, but she was elusive, I think she had to have some sort of gift. I chased her for months before she finally came to her end in New Mexico. I almost didn't get to have the pleasure of killing her myself, but in the end I'm the one who dismantled her body and set her on fire." He paused for a moment as if trying to find the right words, "When it comes to our mates, my kind is incredibly possessive and defensive," he looked me dead in the eyes, "there is nothing, nothing, that I wouldn't do for you or to see you safe. I thought once I killed her I would get some sort of happiness or relief, but it never came. If anything the pain I was dealing with got worse because I no longer had an excuse to stay away from you. After she was dead I just wandered. I visited my family from time to time, but I couldn't escape the pity or the thoughts with you in them. Carlisle has many contacts around the world, and sometimes I'd meet up with some of them, but I could never stay too long because it was always clear that there was something wrong with me, and I couldn't tell people about you because I didn't want to risk anyone finding out about you and going after you.

"I was hunting and I came across Jasper's trail, and I knew Esme would be hurt if I didn't come by. I was actually going to tell them that I was thinking about taking an extended trip to Australia, but then I got out of the car and you were here."

"Australia?" I questioned, startled, "Isn't it, you know, pretty sunny there?"

He shrugged, "The sun doesn't really pose that much of an issue if you're not trying to be a part of the world. It's easy to say that you work from home and keep odd hours if anyone asks, not that anyone ever does. The draw of Australia had nothing to do with the country itself and everything to do with making it slightly more difficult to come back to you. I was already struggling to get through a day without you. I was fantasizing about showing up at Charlie's and spying on him until I could figure out if you were in college, or back with Renee, or still living in Forks. Australia would have put a little more distance between us, but I would have caved soon anyway. I probably would have lasted six more months at most."

"What would you have done if you had come back, and your family hadn't found me? If I was still in the institution?"

"Broken you out," he answered without hesitation. "I would have found you and taken you in the night, taking down anyone in my path. I really don't know what would have happened then, if my family wasn't around. There's a very high probability that I would have taken you somewhere remote and changed you if I had been left to my own devices."

I raised an eyebrow at him, skeptical given our history.

"Don't look at me like that, it's absolutely true," He pulled me closer to his body and started to trail his lips along my neck as he continued, "I don't think you fully yet realize how powerful it was to see you again. Honestly one of the only things that kept me from rushing to you when I arrived was the shock of seeing you again, and the anger I felt towards my family for disobeying my wishes. I still see myself and my family as a danger to you, and as long as you're human I will continue to view the situation that way. I was angry when I thought they had taken you from your life, and then I was near murderous when I found out that you had been institutionalized. I was completely ashamed when I spoke to Rose and Carlisle and realized that it was entirely my fault you were there in the first place, and it strengthened my viewpoint that I was not good for you. Then you asked to be kept apart, and I figured that I would stay in the shadows, close enough to see if Rose and Carlisle were right, but respecting your wishes as much as I could."

I tried to pull away, but he didn't let me get far.

"So this is all an experiment? The effects of vampire mating on humans? And I'm the test subject?" hurt was starting to creep in.

His eyes narrowed and he pulled me back into him, "No!" he growled, "I would never allow you to be used that way, that's not what this is at all."

I continued to struggle to get some space from him, "then we're back to guilt, you wouldn't have stayed if you didn't feel like this is your fault and that your presence is necessary to fix it."

He growled louder and before I knew it the world was spinning around me and I was lying on the bed with him on top of me once again pinning my wrists up near my head, bracing himself up on his other arm to keep his weight off of me.

"Isabella Swan, have you not listened to a word I've said?" he lowered his head and started to trace my collar bone with his lips. "You are everything to me, and I would allow nothing to harm you, even myself. I am here because you are mine, and I belong to you. I was going to stay out of your way, but I wouldn't have lasted long there either. Being near you was enough to help me start to think clearly again, but it wasn't enough. Then hearing you claim me tore down every remaining barrier I had standing. I had no idea what leaving you was going to do to you, if I had I would never have been able to go. Did I feel guilty when I realized what happened because of my actions? I absolutely did and continue to feel guilty now. I will feel that guilt and carry it with me for the rest of my existence, but guilt alone could never keep me with you if I truly believed being away from you was in your best interest."

He looked up at me and his eyes were black. He had never looked more like a predator with me before, but strangely I was not scared. Incredibly turned on, but not scared.

"I came across a nomad when I was wandering and she told me that you must not have been my mate if I was able to leave you. I almost killed her right then and there for suggesting that you are not the most important thing in my universe. I told her I had only done what was best for you, but she said that if I was your mate, then leaving couldn't possibly have been the best thing for you. She was absolutely right, and I was simply too arrogant to see it."

He moved his head down again so that he was kissing my neck.

"I do apologize love, if I seem improper," he concentrated his attentions behind my ear, making me whimper and moan, "I'm sure I'm causing all kinds of confusion and I seem to be acting out of character." He increased the pressure of his lips and in a move so fast I didn't realize what was happening he released my wrists and brought one of my legs up to hitch around his waist, "I'm facing a dilemma, two significant parts of my personality are clashing. You see, I was raised with certain morals and values during my human lifetime, this kind of behaviour is so far out of the bounds of propriety that I was raised on, I'm shocking myself," he moved to my other ear, and my now freed hands moved to weave themselves into his his hair "However on the other hand, I am not just a man. I'm a vampire, and vampires are very possessive and for some of us, that possession manifests itself very very physically," He paused and brought my other leg up so that both legs were wrapped around his waist, "As you can probably tell I seem to be one of the physically possessive types."

He slowly lowered himself down until I could feel his weight settle down on me, and I became hyper aware of every place his body lined up with mine. My breath started coming in shallow pants as he moved his head up from my neck and lowered his head until our foreheads touched and looked me right in the eyes.

"Hearing you claim me sparked something in me, that I wasn't expecting and don't fully understand. Then listening to you question my motives, effectively questioning my claim over you has me feeling the need to ensure that you never question that claim again." He pressed me further into the mattress, his hands moving to tangle themselves in my hair, "So what do you suggest I do, to ensure you know how much you belong to me?" He asked before he crushed his lips to mine.

Apparently this time the other Cullens were fully out of hearing range or decided that the noises I made were not originating because I was distressed. I was gasping both in surprise and for air and Edward took full advantage licking into my mouth and tangling his tongue with mine. My back arched, pressing me further into him and he groaned.

"That's it love," he whispered, pulling away just long enough for me to suck in a few quick and shallow breaths, "show me what you want, take what you need from me." He pushed his hips into mine and my body was on fire.

"More," I breathed out, "need more, need to be closer."

He growled before sitting up and removing his shirt. He then shoved my shirt up to just under my breasts, rather clumsily for a vampire, his hands sliding all over my body as my hands began an exploration of their own.

"Now tell me Bella," he bit out lowly, "who makes you feel this? Who makes you feel this want, this need?"

"You do," I moaned.

"That's right," he said as his lips moved back to my neck, "I do. Has anyone else ever made you feel this?"

"No!"

"And do you think there's anyone else who can make you feel this?" His hips circled against mine again, and I saw stars, and cried out, as tension built up in me. He slowed down and lifted his head away from me. I stared at him, confused as to why he was stopping.

"Isabella," he said, his tone somehow measured and even, "I asked you a question, and I would like an answer. Do you think," he thrust against me again, "anyone else," thrust, "can make you," thrust, "feel," thrust, "like," thrust, "this?"

"No," I cried out, my body building towards something, searching for something only he could give me, "only you, only ever you."

He positioned my head so that I was looking deeply into his eyes, and then he growled out "Damn straight" before he thrust into me one more time, and I exploded.

A/N: Well kids when it rains it pours. I picked this up again because I had some thoughts that I needed to get out, and then wouldn't you know it, I had some more thoughts! I did change the rating on this story for a reason…

A couple of things. This is not going to turn into an all physical all the time type of story. If that's what you're looking for, look elsewhere, but I'm not going to pretend that these two aren't adults.

This also doesn't mean everything is magically solved between them. There is an incredible physical pull there and right now that's the easy part of their relationship, and who hasn't occasionally relied on the physical side when emotions get difficult. Healthy? Probably not! But I think we've already established that these two have some issues.