She touches one last icon on the screen, causing beams of green light to emit from the terminal's upper edge that scan her from head to toe.
"Holographic scan complete, recording."
Torin looks at herself on the screen. "Hey mom guess what I can't sleep," she states with a smirk and a cocked eyebrow. "'Course, I'm sure the bags under my eyes are a dead giveaway to that." She takes another swig from the flask before going on.
"It's in our DNA to be a leader of people, to go off to war and bring the troops home... to die a hero. That's why war heroes don't talk about going home, don't talk about family, and sure as hell don't talk about-" she bites her lip again and holds back the tears she fees building.
"You don't talk about love. Remember how dad use to say, 'When it comes to love, keep the thoughts to yourself. You start talking about it and you and your team get distracted,then someone ends up in a bag.' I know you told me it was just a show, but it is something that I try to live by."
Torin glances down at her toes, trying to find the words that will make her feel better. She knows she will never actually send this to her mother, Torin acknowledges to herself that it is important to get her emotion out, to get to the bottom of this nagging, angry hurt building within her.
"I always feel like an ass when I make these recordings, but then I remember Major Webbs. You remember him mom? Big brick house of a man, known for being a hard ass. He was on the SSV Tahoma when I was a 2nd Lieutenant doing N2 training. I remember having a hard time with a Zero-G combat maneuver, I just kept doing it over and over. I guess he saw my frustration, and he pulled me aside. I thought he was going to lay into me how I was a failure, and a waste of ICT resources. I remember standing at attention just waiting to be wailed on and he just stood there looking at me. It must have been about 10 minutes - I swear he never blinked- but suddenly there was a tear going down my cheek. All he did was lean in and whisper in his gravelly voice 'Kicking ass weighs heavy on a man who has a conscience, find an outlet other then kicking ass or you will always fail. I'll let you in on my secret, I talk to my momma.' Then he just walked away. I never thanked him for that advice; he died two years later, but I did send a vid to his momma. I've never told anyone that story, hell I have no idea if he ever told anyone else his secret, but I am grateful he shared it with me." Torin feels a smile on her lips thinking back on Webbs.
Torin takes another sip from the flash, finding it is near empty. She then stands up ,causing the green beams to rescan her, and walks over to the weapon display on her wall. "I named my Graal Spike thrower after him." She runs her hand over the Krogan made shotgun. "He wasn't Krogan, but he sure as hell had the spirit of one." She turns back toward the desk."Can you tell I am stalling mom? Even now, knowing I have something to get off my chest, I still can't just come out and say it. Maybe I need more to drink first." She takes the last sip from the flask in her hand. "Or just something stronger..."
Torin places the now empty flask on the desk as she passes by it, and heads straight to the wet bar in in her living quarters. Various bottles of peculiar shapes and sizes line the two short shelves. Torin's eclectic collection was due to Aria, the asari had ways of getting her hands on things most people couldn't, or wouldn't, acquire. Torin knew she could just ask Liara and get the items at a much cheaper cost-being a friend to the shadow broker had its perks-but it came back to wanting to protect Liara. She wanted to remain as close to a paragon war hero as she could in the eyes of Liara, and trying to acquire questionable items just didn't help that image. It was probably a moot point, since Liara has eyes on the black markets, but Torin's activity was all done via Aria and no ties ever pointed toward herself. These dealings were one of the few rules that Torin allowed herself to break, she after all had a rather high moral compass. She was impressed with how Aria had her ways of getting the products to Torin without having to many eyes on it.
"She definitely is in the top of the line in her field that's for sure" thought Torin.
She finally elects to take a squat twisted bottle with an opaque green liquid inside. She pours herself a small glass of the thick elixir, taking in the medicinal aroma of the Batarian ethonal causes her eyes to water. Torin thinks to herself, If this doesn't give me loose lips then Aria is giving me a lap dance.
