"Alright everyone, go head to bed and get some rest, we have a big day ahead of ourselves and we can't afford any losses because your reflexes are aren't fast enough." Levi said to everyone in the room, leaving before anyone else had a chance to respond.
Silence hung in the air before people began to chatter quietly, slowly filing out of the room. Sasha wanted to move but felt herself frozen in her seat, almost as if she was stuck there.
They had been going over the details of the attack on Liberio one last time, chiming in every now and then so that everyone knew what their roles were and what to do in case they got off track from their positions when Sasha found her mind beginning to wander, flashes of faces she didn't even recognize flooding her vision every now and then as she tried to snap herself back to reality enough times to speak up when Hanji had called on her. She felt childish for even spacing out during such an important meeting, but these were the same faces that would plague her in the middle of the night, the same faces that usually meant another sleepless night spent looking out at the night sky until it turned morning once again.
'Just my luck that they've made it to my daydreams as well," Sasha thought, her fingers digging into the palm of her hand.
"Sash? You okay?" Jean asked, bringing Sasha back to the present. He must've noticed the confused look on her face as she realized that it was just the two of them left in the room. "I came back because I forgot something and you were in here still."
Sasha wiped her hands on her clothes hastily and stood up to face him. "Don't you worry about me, I'll be fine." She waved him off, walking past him.
A hand grabbed at her wrist, Jean's grip firm enough that he got her attention yet gentle enough that he wasn't hurting her. That was something she had noticed in him that had changed over the years: while he still had his blunt nature, he was more open about how he understood people because he usually felt the same way.
Sasha looked back at Jean and it was all he needed to know before jerking his head in the opposite direction and tugging her along, stopping as they reached a large window that had a perfect view of the night sky. The same window Sasha found herself sitting in front of during her restless nights.
"It's either you end up here later on tonight or you make your visit now and actually get some sleep." Jean finally said, letting go of her wrist.
Sasha's eyes widened. "How do you know about tha-"
"You're not the only one that has a bad relationship with sleep, Sash." He interrupted.
The brunette felt her cheeks warming up in embarrassment. She'd never noticed anyone else before, something totally unlike her since she had trained hunting ears. Part of her wondered of she was finally going soft after all these years or if she was really that out of it whenever she stayed up.
"It's just," She began. "How much more blood do we have to get on our hands before enough is enough? I can't sleep at night knowing that that are people who's deaths are by my hands and I think I subconsciously see their faces sometimes." She looked up at him. "Is that even normal to see faces like that?"
Jean was quiet but nodded his head. "I see faces too sometimes. Most days, I can manage to go back to sleep if I keep telling myself that this will all be over soon, but some nights are harder." He faced the window. "Hopefully, tomorrow will be the last time either of us will have to get blood on our hands."
"You really think so?" Sasha asked, sounding a little hopeful. She didn't want to get her hopes up, but hearing Jean admit to seeing the same faces made her feel a little better, like she wasn't completely alone in her experiences.
"Yeah." He seemed to look conflicted before he opened his arms, enveloping Sasha in a hug. "We're going to get through this, okay?"
Were they going to get through this? So many doubts ran through her mind. So many different scenarios could happen and everything could just go wrong, it almost seemed as if things weren't as bright as they used to be four years ago.
A memory of Sasha and Connie tackling Jean into the cold seawater flickered across her mind, their laughter filling her ears as she suddenly remembered one of the happier memories she had, back when things seemed easier to understand. She remembered it had taken nearly all day for their clothes to dry off from the water and how difficult it was to get the sand to unstuck from her skin once it was wet.
Things seemed so bright back then, so why couldn't they go back to being bright after this?
"Okay." Sasha returned his hug, feeling comforted by the small circles he rubbed into her back in a lulling fashion.
"If I walk you to your room, do you think you'll be fine to sleep?" She heard Jean ask, prompting her to nod her head into his chest.
The two of them walked the long hallways together in silence until they were in front of Sasha's room, an awkwardness in the air. The two of them had a nature in which they would constantly tease each other to no end, but over the years, it sometimes led them to moments like these where neither of them knew what exactly to say. It was no lie that they both had admiration for each other, they just never got around to actually deciding on what that meant.
"Hey, after tomorrow, I have to tell you something," Jean finally spoke, his eyes trained on the ground. "I wanted to tell you tonight but I wanted to make sure you actually got some sleep tonight."
Sasha lightly chuckled, in awe that he was still making sure that she was okay, even if he wasn't outright asking. "Yeah, just make it back tomorrow so you can tell me, okay?" She jokingly punched as his arm, earning a fake whine from him as he pretended to be hurt.
"I will, you do the same, is that a promise, Sasha?"
"It is. I promise, Jean."
Did I write this to cope with the episode being released later on today? Yes, yes I did.YIKES my writing has seemingly downgraded since I last posted a fic, is that what college does? Anyways, I'm trying to be more active on here and there's literally not enough Jeansasha fics so I'm on a mission to change that, please feel free to join me in my quest hehe
