The Provisional Laws of Acquired Behavior or Learning

Authors Note: If you think I'm going to pay a single whit of attention to a hat that arbitrarily sorts people wherever ya'll have another thing coming. Acquired-Behavior-Verse Hat sorts people where they belong, rabid racists and wannabe terrorists in the house of the cunning, Pfft! Yeah Right.
I'm making magic lesson plans, timetables, maps, art and character profiles for this fic for my own enjoyment and references so this fic will take ages.

Disclaimer: I don't at this time own any published work of Sega or JK Rowling, if I did I'd gut the current Sonic fandom and only allow literate people to contribute cutting the fandom back by 90% and improving the quality by the same percentage.

September 2nd 1991, Gryffindor Tower

Ronald Weasley distinctly despised being abruptly woken up in the morning as his mother would vehemently attest, he also distinctly disliked two of his four assigned roommates, specifically Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle.
Vincent Crabbe with black hair and eyes was an intimidating bulky bruiser and in Ronald's solid opinion was as dumb as a box of bricks.
Gregory Goyle with brown hair and dark grey eyes was less bulky than Vincent but taller and was likely slightly more intelligent seeing as he'd led Vincent through getting his things unpacked. They hadn't done anything, keyword being yet, but something about the two just rubbed Ronald the wrong way, like static in the air before a storm.
The quiet loner Theodore Nott was tolerable seeming to prefer avoiding all contact with his dorm mates, sending letters off last night with a fairly large horned owl. Probably his parents Ronald surmised, the Nott's were a notorious dark aligned family and had been in Slytherin for literal generations, getting sorted into Gryffindor was probably a huge shock.
In all honestly Michael Corner was the only decent bloke of the lot, black hair and brown eyes and a nervous disposition but there was only so long a person could play exploding snap before the singing of eyebrows and minor card induced shellshock/deafness lost its appeal.
So ruffled and a bit grumpy Ron had an early shower and got dressed before heading down to explore the castle by himself.
Making his way to the Great Hall without getting lost was a cakewalk which Ronald put down to his chess move memory and helped himself to some breakfast and pumpkin juice. Getting his timetable from Professor Sinistra he noticed that his first class was with the Ravenclaws and not knowing where the defence classroom was followed some Ravenclaw first years that seemed to know where they were going. Ronald prayed that his granduncle Ignatius wouldn't single him out.
Ungle Iggy was a blurry figure in Ronald's young childhood memories seeing him at the Welcoming Feast had been a real surprise.

Elsewhere in the castle
"Have you made any progress regarding last year Mr. Jordan?"
"Yes Professor Fronsac, I narrowed the runes down to the Celtic-druidic origin around 1st century"
"10 years later than we thought not bad!"
Professor Basil Fronsac was a wizarding portrait but the wealth and depth of his knowledge spoke well of the man in life.
A skilled Arithmancer who worked in spell recreation in conjunction with his friend Cuthbert Binns, Fronsac was devastated when his younger friend died before him more so when he learned how little personality remained in his friends memories, when he'd become the schools newest ghost, Professor Binns.
As is was Professor Basil then Headmaster Fronsac had immediately retired from Hogwarts to study in seclusion away from the memories, and for the near the entirety of his retirement bemoaned his choice of successor who had replaced his entire staff with, in his least colourful opinion, uninspired uninspiring whelps, though he did get a decent laugh in when The Hogwarts Pantomime Incident happened.
Lee Jordan leafed through the parchment in the binder "I've managed to round it down to three sites in total, I'm going to scope them out on the weekends but I've no idea how to get at the site in Sgùrr Mòr"
The portrait dawned a alarmed look "I highly doubt its there of all places. Its completely defiled by black magic's not to mention the area is warded with wards stronger than the ones currently around the castle and even if you could get into them you'd have to survive a legion nasty dark beasties"
Lee met the portraits gaze "Why do you think I can't get in there?" as the last few years could attest the 3rd year redefined resourcefulness.
Professor Fronsac flushed "The ward key to that place was lost decades ago" The professor was not going to admit he'd been the one to lose the key, the one all acting headmasters were required to pass it down to the next one. Not that he saw its loss as any great tragedy, he'd been rather preoccupied with some rather fascinating runic equations discovered in the old clock tower at that time.
"And anyway even if you found the key only a current member of staff keyed to the Hogwarts wards can use it"
Lee's face fell into a frown "Well, I hope its not there, I'm not good at teaching people"

Defence Against the Dark Arts Classroom 3C - Ravenclaw & Gryffindor
On his first look at the classroom Maurice noticed that it was full of wall length tapestries depicting medieval looking battlefields with armies clashing at different points in time at a second glance Maurice identified that the stitched figures were actually moving, from fantastic beasts to wizards flinging tiny bolts of light. Some tapestries were interestingly enough completely blurred out. But before Maurice could get a closer look the professor of transfiguration stepped into the room putting a end to his inspection.
Professor Ignatius Prewett was one of those weather-beaten old men who gave the impression of a old big cat that hadn't quite yet lost his claws to age.
On his first lesson with the first years he gave a memorable speech and introduction.
"Welcome first years to the first defence lesson of your lives, do not take out your books but do take notes. I suppose some of you are wondering why the sign on my door says 'Defence' instead of 'Defence Against the Dark Arts' That is because such a defence does not exist"
The children were instantly enraptured as Professor Prewett continued speaking.
"Some say spells aren't evil it's only the wielder, that in of itself is not completely true, true black magicks replace the essence of what was there before. One of the reasons mind control curses all fall under the banner of dark is because it does that to the mind, as a prominent American writer once wrote I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream" there was a brief ominous silence building the suspense and ensuring Professor Prewitt had his students full attention.
"So what are we defending ourselves against I hear you ask? The answer quite simple though very broadly defined, 'circumstance'.
The looks of confusion were widespread.
"I know, I know, that answer seems quite vague but it is simply the best way to explain what I aim to teach you. Circumstance is not magic its simply the concept that one day you will find yourself in a possibly lethal situation, my job and your own is to prepare you for what awaits outside these walls, at the moment as you are first years we will practice stealth and evasion but for your homework I want each of you to create a list of magical creatures, beings, items and events anything that comes to mind that can cause harm to oneself and others and bring it into class"
This part he spelled onto the board.
"For now I want everyone to holler out a few suggestions anything you think might be dangerous and we'll discus how to defend against them."
The next 20 minutes were entertaining and fun for the whole class.
From Zombies "kill it with fire"
Spiders "A lovely little spell called Arania Exumai works on most insects with more than 3 legs including oddly enough Mackled Malaclaw which is the magical cousin of the lobster and the Chizpurfle a crab like parasite that eats magic and electrical energy"
Streelers "Do not touch the shell as it excretes a very potent poison that acts like a acid, use the levitation spell on the shell to move the snail"
Brooms "Anchoring spells, sticking spells and Arresto Momento, flying lessons are this Friday so ask Professor Flitwick to teach it"
Dark Wizards "You are eleven year old children, run"
Werewolves "Don't be out on the full moon, we'll cover things like scent and heat blocking spells later"
Maurice in particular enjoyed this class, he hadn't known there were spells that could let someone completely ignore quicksand and asked if it worked in peat bogs. The one reason he took a wide berth around the Scottish moors was the risk of disappearing into that muddy murky deathtrap, though he was a bit downtrodden when it was revealed that there was no spell to walk on water.
Then the bell rung signalling the end of class.

After the last of the first years left a ordinary looking tabby cat slipped silently into the room transforming into the formidable Acting-Headmistress McGonagall.
"Interesting First Class very well done" McGonagall remarked.
Ignatius smiled "Thanks, though it's only been the first class of the year"
"Yet you are markedly better than our previous teachers"
"Not a hard bar to reach I'm afraid" Ignatius and McGonagall both grimaced, previous years coming to mind.
"If I may ask why did you decide to teach, I know you and Lucretia have been retired for a decent long while?"
Ignatius looked to be steeling himself "Lucretia and I were there that day in Diagon Alley.."
"I heard it wasn't a pretty sight"
"We saw destruction and evil to the extent that hasn't been seen since the Second World War"
A pause and Ignatius sighed.
"Lucretia and I never fought in the last wizarding war, why would we have? Compared to the madness of Grindewald and his Crusade that so called Lord Voldemort was a angry young upstart"
McGonagall interrupted "I'd ask you not to say that Ignatius a lot of good people died to 'that young upstart' a lot of them my students and friends" he voice cutting and sharp.
Ignatius leaned back and nodded "I apologise. In Diagon Alley that day I remembered the meaning of fear and I remembered something important from my youth."
"And what lesson was that?"
Ignatius met McGonagall's assessing gaze with a steely one of his own "That if there is one thing that has always rang true in my heart, it's that doing nothing while true evil exists is the worst crime of all"
Just then a knock sounded on the door.
"Enter"
The blue haired first year strode in up to the professors "Hello Professor Ignatius, I was wondering if there was any difference in spell casting when using bracers" Maurice pulled up his cloaks sleeves to show the white bracers and explained further "Ollivander specially made it when the wands I tested didn't match and the school books keep talking about wand movements"
Professor Ignatius studied the vambraces in fascination "Maurice is it? Its been a long time since I saw a pair of those, it simply means that you should say the incantation and visualises the movement while gesturing at the object you want to spell, it's a bit more mentally intensive than using a normal wand though"
The professor nodded thoughtfully.
"Not all spells need movements of long incantations primarily why those learned in using such foci are to be feared because they are simply very, very fast. I think Flitwick duelled a few of them in his youth and he always professed a utmost respect towards such opponents its best you ask him for more information but I was of the impression that you move your arm in the movement but point at the end result"
"Thank for the help professor"
Rushing upstairs to their next lesson on the 4th floor Maurice and Susan chattered about their first lesson, Maurice got the feeling he'd like the defence professor, the old man clearly knew his stuff.
That stuff he and Susan had overheard outside the classroom about doing nothing while evil exists being evil was inspiring but it left Maurice feeling as conflicted as ever.
Susan however had had the giggles ever since the last half hour of the lesson which basically amounted to 'If in danger from 'INSERT RANDOM OBJECT', a judicial application of fire may be prudent, to be fair a lot of living dangerous things first years were likely to encounter were flammable.

In another part of the school heading to Charms with the Hufflepuffs Ronald Weasley walked stiffly trying to ignore the obnoxious bleating of his dorm mates, now he definitively knew why he disliked Crabbe and Goyle. It had only been two hours but ever since he'd brought up spiders in Uncle Iggy's class they'd taken it as a weakness and homed in on it like vultures. Even though they'd been sorted into Gryffindor, House of the Brave it was clear they'd been be trained from birth to be Slytherins and all the political backstabbing that went with it clearly hadn't just up and vanished. Nott had just ignored it walking towards the next class.
Corner emulated Nott poorly in this, clearly amused by the drivel the two were spouting about Ronald and his silly fear of spiders. Ronald Weasley had the nagging feeling of dread that this was only the start of his troubles.

History of Magic Classroom 4F Ravenclaw & Slytherins
Making their way to the History Classroom Susan Maurice and the rest of the class entered the open door and took their seats chatting amongst themselves. It was ten minutes later that the rest of the class noticed the ghost in the front of the class that was speaking and apparently had been 'teaching' for the last 5 minutes before anyone had noticed his droning. Maurice was completely shocked, the comparison between the previous lesson and this one was stark. The ghost didn't pay a whit of attention to the students at all and continued to lecture in monotone about goblins.
At the end of the 'lesson' having retained absolutely nothing of the ghosts ramblings Maurice spoke to Susan "That was quite possibly the worst teacher I have ever had, ever" Susan only nodded numbly in agreement feeling as if her head were made of cotton, another word for the lesson Susan thought dully was mind numbing, literally.
Maurice gently tugged Susan to the Ravenclaw common room dropping off his Defence and History books and fetching the books for the next three classes as well as the portable telescopes they needed for the last lesson of the day, hopeful lunch would shake off the boredom induced migraine.