The Provisional Laws of Acquired Behavior or Learning

Authors Note: To reviewer Zane Tribal Tyne Alexandros who is either psychic or one of the reasons I update my virus definitions: I had this part written well before you asked for it in your review of chapter 8 consider this chapter dedicated to you and yes Susan is Sally's epxy, have a guess at the others.
Also this story doesn't have a beta so feel free to yell at any bad grammar or spelling mistakes if you want and I'll take a note to correct them at some point.

Disclaimer: I don't at this time own any published work of Sega or JK Rowling, if I did I'd gut the current Sonic fandom and only allow literate people to contribute cutting the fandom back by 90% and improving the quality by the same percentage.

Tuesday
England 5:55pm

Ministry of Magic, Level 1, Minister for Magic's office
Minister Amelia Bones was having an odd day, it wasn't a particularly bad one just a bit odd, after all how often did she have the head of the espionage division of the Unspeakable's in her office first thing in the morning?
Amelia looked skeptical "So you're saying that someone has infiltrated several Ministries simultaneously and possibly made away with sensitive information"
The unidentifiable Unspeakable nodded "South African, Mexico, Australia, Germany, Bulgaria and Russia according to our investigations, the disturbance in all six countries happened at the same time and were carried out in a very professionally manner"
This implied a organised criminal group with a goal that required classified government information, Amelia could already hear the ICW squawking from here.
"If they were professionally done how do we even know the events were linked?"
The unspeakable seemed to sag in place a bit "The only reason we know about these events is because people died in the actually ministry buildings and all of them were murdered with the exact same unknown spell providing a link which suggests a organised effort"
Amelia was almost afraid to ask "What sort of spell was it"
The unspeakable sighed "As far as we can tell the spell transfigured people into crude oil which untransfigured itself atom by atom at timed intervals as it oozed about the floor"
Amelia shuddered violently at such a nasty way to go "Tests also indicate that the victims were alive and fully conscious the entire time if not in pain"
Steeling herself form that grim tidbit Amelia asked "What information was taken?"
The unspeakable shifted almost uneasily "We don't know"
Amelia startled "What do you mean you don't know surely you must have a small idea at least?" After the Japanese Inbo Division the British Unspeakable's had invented most of the spying, scrying and other orwellian surveillance spells and enchantments currently in use. At least the former oligarchy had some uses Amelia mused darkly, not many but some at least.
"Minister we were lucky enough to be able to link these acts together in the first place! As it is we currently have a squad investigation our own ministry on the suspicion that we were also infiltrated and not so sloppily"
Some days it just didn't pay to get up in the morning Amelia sighed internally "Keep me updated and do try to get a message to Dumbledore, I know he's a bit busy with the ICW taskforce at the moment-"

With the ICW Taskforce in a unknown location…
"COVER FIRE!"
*Ballistic shriek*

ị̖̦̬̝̦̻̭͚ͯ͛̀ͯ̔̀W̦̻̬̲̾͋͌͐̉͐̈ì̴͈̯͎̟̥͚͔ͧͦͯ̈́L̏͌ͦͦ͗́ͣͭ̚͢͏̖̗͕͎l̴͚͍ͣͪ̂ͫ͌̎́E̴̶̥̠̲̱̺͚͙͂́a̵̠͔̻̮̜̻͌̆ͯͯ̒̍̚T͂͊̓̇͏̛̯̟͇̥̮̮̙y̷̴̘͓͉̟͇̮̫͑ͬ̾̓O̳͓͉̘͓̥͇ͫ̕uͬ͊҉̸̞͇͙̖R͆̈̔̈ͧͩ͏̶̤͡ͅf̶̟̘̪̪́̅͂̾ͤͅḀ̶̡͐̒̐̈́ͨ̉͋c̨̖̺͓̜͙̙͋ͭ̆ͮ̑ͧ̈́͌E̛̓͋ͨ̒́̎̿̿͏̖̩̹̻̫̥ą͖̲̲͔ͤͣͯŅ̵̺̯͚͈̖̘̄͆̋͜ͅd̷̞͇̳̜͕̺͕̱̆̑ͭ̏ͅY͙͕͉̓͑͢õ̖̩̻͋̾ͬ͗̉́̾ͩ͘U̹̺͙̦͇͖̹͎ͯ̈r̹̤̣͔̱̹͔͊̌͆̇ͣ̊̕C̋̈́ͦ̏́͏̗h̺̟̠̞̊͌̋ͣ̀̚İ̻̮̼͕̮̫̘̀̕l͎̣̥̪̫͕̱̘̺ͧ̉̄͂͐ͩ̉̚͡͡D̸͚͇͇̪͈̞̲ͫ̔́r̟͉͖͈̹͈̙̽ͅE̷̸̶̠̱̱̠͚̤̻̘̾ͭ̇͑n̺̝̰̯͇̮͎͕̐ͯ̽͞!̬̘̭̞̈̿ͩ̍ͅ!̴̟̥̜̖͖̻̂̍͑̌ͯ͆͂ͤ

"WHY DOES IT HAVE TENTACLES?!" Screeched one wizard shrilly.
*Explosions*

͛͐̄͏̯̝̼ͅŢ̗̗͊ͤ̊̾̈́ͩ̇͟͟hͫ͌ͤͥ̾͋́̚͝҉̞̖̲̪̦̱E͈̗͚̲̯̥ͤ̅̚e͙̖̭̬͚͙ͬ͗ͧ̔N̈́ͤ̐̓̌̍̇҉̷̵̜̯͖̗̫̝͎d̻̱̫̯̗̫̭͊͒̽̀͡H̛̙̖̞̥̦ͨ͗̆́à͕̪͖̯̟̝̟ͦ̐͠Sͪ҉̡͚̣͚̯͖̪̱͡ͅć̙͕̀ͅO̩̞̤͍̯̱͍ͫ̀́͡͠ͅm̶̢̟̮̼͔͗̎̎͐͐Ě̶͚̗̺̫͂ͭͩͩ̍ͮ͌f̴̡̘̙̖̮̥̠͎̩̫̈́̐͜Ȯ͉̻͇͚͙̒̌͐̏͗͝͡ͅr͍̺̝̠̝ͯ̍ͨ̉ͦ͛ͅͅY̨̗̠̦͔̻̪̙̣̜͌̂ͥ̑o̠͖̣̺̦̹͈̖͉͛͟U̥̫̳̪ͥ̑̅̄̑͋͗̀́͘!̤̤̫̉͋̓ͤ̔̇̄̔͛͜͝!̨͈͖͛ͬ͠!̬̻̌͝

"ALL THE BETTER TO DO HORRIBLE THINGS TO PEOPLE'S BODIES WITH IF WE FAIL!" singsonged Albus Dumbledore at the top of his voice no power or concentration to spare on a sonorous voice charm as he flung spell after spell into the fray.
*Screeching*

d̲̺̖̣̤̥͌̈̂͂̚͜͠I̡̞̣͉ͩ͑̌̌ͨ͝ͅë̫̲̤̪̳̪̪͕D̴̩͉̯̈̾ͣ̐̕i̢̨̹͍̜͂͠E̘̅ͬͩͧ̊ͬͪd̷͍̗̼̞̞̲̖̤̉ͮ̾̄̽ͯ̚Ỉ̶̥͕ͨ͟ẹ̷̦̺̰̗̻͕̮̱ͥ͐̾͑̑͊ͨ̋͢D̴̶̩̣̳̗̟͚͗̒͒̄̚͡i̷̮̘̝̣ͧ̇ͦ́Ě̙̣̟͔̦̟̪̫̪̔̐d̵͈̲̥ͭ̀͟Iͮͧͯͣ̔̀҉̯̰e̴͔ͯ̓̐͑ͬ̇̚͡Ḏ̢̘͉̳͛̏͆̓͐ͭį̲͙̘ͬ̋ͭͤ͐ͯ̋̎̚E̫̼̙ͧ͂̈́̽͋̌͛ͮ̀͢͞ͅdͬͧ͒͏̸̳̙̮̲̙͉͞I̡͕̭̙̤̠̟̫͇ͦ̆̎ͨͯ̀̀͌ͅe̩͎̥͓͇̪̙̠ͪͧͮ̾̉ͬD̞̠̰̩̏̌ͮ͊̀iͧ̍҉̟̗͔E̍̅͋̇͢͏͓̥͙̩͔̖ͅd̸̲́ͣ͌Ì̼̗̻̖̥̙̖̣̼͋̄̔̾̃ͤ͋͟͞ȇ̛͉͚͇̝̼̺̦͔̺̂D̳͕̙͖̻̗̯͔̚í̇ͣ̋ͬ҉҉̨̲͖Ȩ̞ͦ̿d̝̺̹ͨͥ̇͛̈̅̆̀Ḭ̵̬̬̲ͩͥ̎͊͆͂̇̏ͅĕ̡̢͓̩͙̖͓̺̍̊ͯͅ!̰͎̹̳͎̣̑̓̅̀!̶̦͙̣̲̹̹̇̿ͣͅ!̨̞̙̓̑͢͡!̛̝͚̞̱͖̖̙ͬ̓͊̉͋͗̅

Very fire, much brimstone, like wow.

England
Ministry of Magic, Level 1, Minister for Magic's office
"-but he usually has something useful and insightful to say" Amelia finished speaking.

Hogwarts, Charms w/ Gryffindor Room 2E
Carefully guiding the invisible streams of magic into the vase Maurice watched as the patterned birds on the vase began to move slowly, without using a wand precision charms were not easy, Maurice visualized his magic as strings extending from his wrist…
"Ack!" Susan giggled as Maurice lost his thread of concentration and the vase and the desk abruptly became patterned with flapping birds against a blue sky backdrop looking quite odd and headache inducing.
Susan's own work had a image of a tree its leaves rustling in an unseen wind and if you looked close enough there were squirrels darting about in the branches. "That's quite brilliant work, the both of you even if you got the desk too Mr. Bluewind it's a huge improvement over before" observed the professor. Maurice acknowledged to the professors compliment "Yeah, I thing I'm starting to get the hang of it professor" Flitwick nodded "Continue to improve, now can anyone tell me what's wrong with these two vases"
No one replied so Flitwick prompted "Imagine you buy one of these vases and take it home and per say put it on your windowsill or your kitchen?"
A Ravenclaw timidly raised a hand "If you put it on a window Muggles might see it move?"
"One good point but what's the other? Anyone?"
One of the students pets a cat walked up to Maurice's vase and pounced at one of the fluttering birds sending the vase crashing to the floor only to be caught in a levitation spell by Flitwick "As the cat just demonstrated its too realistic, impressive and quite funny though, I'll be putting a sign up board in the common rooms for those who want to try their hands at wizarding portraiture creation and visual animation charms"
On the other side of the classroom Ronald carefully added colour to the rooster in the orchard on his own vase, the grass rippling like water with the wind. Exactly as he'd remembered it back home.

Potions w/ Hufflepuff (Dungeons LVT)
The dungeons were surprisingly airy and well lit granted they had a lot of snake imagery in portraits, statues and carvings winding around the hallways but it didn't look as uninviting as it might have sounded. Standing outside the classrooms with Susan and the Hufflepuffs he took the time to survey the other house and for a minute saw double "Susan I'm seeing double" She followed his gaze and blinked "The Patil twins, I've got Padma in the dorm next to mine she usually has her nose in a book she tends to snap at anyone who bugs her"
Entering the classroom Maurice was surprised by the cleanliness of the room, it was well lit with glowing stones embedded in the walls.
Professor Slughorn gestured at the desks "Take a seat students today we'll be going over the do's and don't of Potionering" you could hear the capital P in his voice.
"In this class we will learn the noble art of potions with which we can cure diseases, save lives and turn people we don't like into suitably embarrassing animals"
More than one student did a double take at that "However that is conditional upon passing this class, untested potions that don't meet the quality standard will be banned from use. Each potion you brew with your own ingredients is yours to keep provided its been examined by myself, sign up sheets for supervised brewing sessions outside of lab time will be posted in your common rooms as well as a few lists of recommended reading, we will have minor crossover with the Herbology classes regarding ingredient harvesting and I expect you all to pay attention"
That night Susan and Maurice sat in the Ravenclaw library next to a window with a pile of books next to them Maurice looked somewhat aghast at the pile of recommended reading while Susan looked unbearably smug.
"This is going to be nightmarish isn't it?" the question was only slightly rhetoric so Maurice answered himself while Susan looked on in amusement "Stuck in a small room with little to no ventilation or natural sunlight while manhandling semi-dead ingredients into a bubbling cauldron for hours on end" Maurice shivered in place and a laughing Susan remorselessly plonked a book in front of him. "You start reading I'll quiz you after the first chapter"

Wednesday Herbology w/ Slytherin 10:45am
"Greetings students I am Professor Sprout today we'll be introduced to Herbology for the semester, each student will pick a plant to base a project around for a month however today we will be studying a magical plant"
Sprout levitated a large pot full of white flowers onto the desk "Now who knows what this is?"
"It's a flower called Moly, when its petals are white and its stem and leaves are black the flower can be eaten to counteract dark magic its also classified as a herb and a common ingredient in the Wiggenweld Potion"
"Correct Miss Bones, now for the first lesson we are growing these from seed, the very nature of Herbology necessitates a schedule around each growing phase as each thing you plant can be cared for in stages so we'll plant this plant and store it in one of the greenhouses to let it grow studying other plants in the meantime once planted we'll water them in rotations and come back to these in five weeks for the next stage of plant care incidentally the average Herbologist has over thirty to forty plants in various stages of growth at any one time. Its time consuming but very rewarding"
Maurice idly boggled at how many times she used the word 'plant' and mentally crossed Herbologist off his list of future careers.

Thursday Potions Gryffindor & Slytherin (Dungeons LVT) 10:48am
It would take precision timing if he wanted to pull this off but it would be hilarious, just as Slughorn turned and no one was looking there was a splash as a bundle of porcupine quills, thrown across the classroom landing with a splash in Sally Smith's cauldron. The girl shrieked as the potion promptly exploded all over her. Slughorn near vaulted over to her levitating and vanishing the liquid revealing the now pink skinned, blonde haired girl having her now black eyes carefully scanned by Professor Slughorn.
The class burst into laughter right up until the professor turned a furious gaze onto the class "Which one of you utter fools did that! If you were one of my upper years and this wasn't your first lesson I'd have you all expelled for doing something so utterly hairbrained. If this had been literally any other potion you'd have killed us all, we are all unspeakably lucky that that only exploded and didn't become some sort of garrotting gas or just incinerate us all in a giant fireball!"
Slughorn briefly thought he'd gone to far with that but decided he probably hadn't gone far enough and took a deep breath ready to thoroughly impress upon the class how stupid such a action was in a brewing environment…

Black Lake 1:00pm
Susan laughed loudly from her place on Maurice's back as the wind roared by, holding tightly as Maurice circled the lake.
"STOP DOING THAT!" Maurice came to a halt at the call with a confused exclamation of "Huh? What I do?" the person who had yelled, apparently a third year, marched up from the small harbour "Your running is wrecking my enchantments!"
Maurice blinked "Um, Sorry?
Susan dropped down from Maurice's back "But why are you testing here and not somewhere else?"
The third year looked infuriated "Where else?! You run everywhere! And everywhere you're not at there's always someone else being nosy! I've had it up to here with all this interference!"
The third year drew his wand and pointed it directly down.
Susan spotted it before Maurice who froze gaze darting from the third year to the wooden pier he, Maurice was standing on "Oh no"
With a smugly uttered "Flipendo" the pier tilted abruptly spilling Maurice off into the shallow lake water with a splash.
Susan gazed at the sputtering Maurice now soaking wet having avoided the same drenching by mere inches. The third year snickered loudly and marched off.
"Well he seemed reasonable" Susan smirked pulling Maurice to his feet where he dusted himself off with a "Tergeo" to remove the lake water followed by a "Scourgify" to remove the now dried dirt.
"More like a complete knucklehead" Maurice snarked bitterly stalking back to the castle.
"Where are you going?" Susan asked, Maurice gripped a handful of his frizzy blue hair and informed Susan dryly "A shower and a appointment with a impenetrable charm.. or eight"
Susan viciously repressed her amusement "Can you even use that on hair?"
"Watch me" Maurice harrumphed and stalked off wounded pride in tow.
Susan was quite convinced that this would end badly and resolved to look up the hair re-growth potion for when Maurice inevitably burnt his hair off, but that wasn't quite what happened to her surprise.

Ravenclaw Dormitory, Maurice's Room 3:00pm
"What"
Maurice looked up from admiring his hair in the mirror grinning "I have made my hair Impenetrable" to Susan the emphasis on the word impenetrable implied some sort of spell.
"How?" The lengths her surprisingly vain best friend went to in the name of his hair Susan thought were quite ridiculous though the number of hair care potions in his trunk had clued her into Maurice's vanity days ago.
Maurice began listing the spells he'd used on himself "A containment charm to keep my hair in the shape I want, a sticking charm so I don't shed hair anymore, a feather light charm so I can run easier, a waterproofing spell to make it waterproof, a cushioning charm to repel anything from sticking to my hair and a locking charm to make the spell permanent" He looked so pleased with himself as he continued listing spells that Susan almost regretted dragging him to Flitwick.

Flitwick's Office
Keyword being almost, Maurice had pouted the whole way to Flitwick's office, it was hilarious.
"Really Mr. Bluewind these spells were never meant to be used in such a way I can point out several side effects already."
Maurice bit his lip as Flitwick began to list everything he's done wrong or right.
"Firstly you will never need another haircut, its going to grow into that predefined shape like a square watermelon in a glass box, You'll never need to wash it and you could add a Extension Charm to this its certainly stable enough"
"I could have hammer space?" chirped Maurice eyes suspiciously bright Flitwick chuckled "Perhaps when you are older it is a 7th year charm after all and heavily regulated although you could get yourself an extended pouch and tie it in with a bauble until then"
"So basically he hasn't managed to injure himself?" Questioned Susan hesitantly.
"Good gracious no, Intent can twist a spell slightly and you knew exactly what you wanted didn't you Mr. Bluewind?" Maurice nodded "However-" and now Maurice had a sinking feeling as Flitwick's face turned stern "-until the spell frame been completely filled with hair I'd suggest not letting it get completely saturated with water the weight would hamper your running quite a bit" The unsaid 'and make you sink like a stone' made Maurice grimace right before he abruptly grinned "Does that mean I can hit people with my hair?"
Susan gave into the impulse that had been bugging her all day and face palmed to the sound of Flitwick's riotous laughter.
There was a well and truly awful joke in that statement but Susan was just too done to puzzle it out.

Ravenclaw Dormitory, Maurice's Room
Pouring over the books in front of him Maurice sighed allowing himself to slump briefly against the table for a minute before steeling himself and pulling a random book towards himself. Seated on the windowsill next to him on a large plushy cushion Susan lounged with her feet on his table reading through a green book Maurice couldn't see the cover of.
"Having fun?"
"Yeah sure" grumbled Maurice as he perused the books summary, astronomy.
"Hey did you know Scottish wizards used to catch falling rocks in a cauldron strapped to their heads whilst on brooms, they called it Creaothceann"
Maurice paused in browsing his astronomy text to look at Susan "That sounds suicidal"
"Scottish wizards thought it was manly and a symbol of courage" Susan thought she heard Maurice mutter something, the word mainland stood out.
"What you reading?"
Maurice squinted at the book "Astronomy, don't suppose you know if we can use shooting stars in this can we?"
"Not unless you can recite of the top of your head where the star is in the galaxy at the exact moment in relation to other stars and planets at that moment every time you cast the spell and what are you eating?"
Maurice pushed the bowl over to Susan "Moly?"
Maurice shrugged "Prof Sprout let us try some at the end of the lesson remember? I've started growing it in my window box and ordering it from Hogsmeade"
Susan blinked "Why?"
"Because its delicious" Maurice stated flatly, that and eating enough of something magical could shore up some of the effects in the person eating it, though mostly because it really was that delicious.

Gryffindor Tower, First Year Boys Dormitory 7:00pm

Ron forced himself to be quiet as he sat on his bed with the curtains spelled shut, hex marks spiralling around his arms, legs and back. He hadn't known that potions were that dangerous, at home his mother tended to balance the cauldron on the kitchen hob as she brewed right next to where she cooked occasionally in tandem. In hindsight throwing that bundle of porcupine quills had been quite stupid, originally Ron had intended to open the year with a prank to signify his intention to fill his older brothers pranking shoes now that they'd given up. It had been amusing at the beginning but upon learning that he'd nearly killed everyone and himself by accident Ron had decided not to claim responsibility, social suicide that it was. Unfortunately just because he'd kept quiet didn't mean he hadn't been spotted, Michael Corner had watched him throw the potion ingredient and although also initially amused, upon realizing the danger he'd been in informed his other room mates.
Theodore Nott was not the quiet tolerable loner Ron had assumed, in fact upon learning who had put his life in danger he's become quite vicious, the second Ron had made it back to their dorm room and the door had closed behind him all four boys under the direction of Theodore Nott had unleashed a barrage of stinging hexes at the redhead as well as cursing him into silence in the aftermath.
Hogwarts was supposed to be the best years of his life where he could stand out as more than just another Weasley but now Ron had the feeling that for the next seven years he would stand out in a far less positive way.