Chapter 3: Choices
"How is your arm?" Mikasa asked as the four of them made their way to the place where they had heard the authorities were handing out food to the refugees.
"It's better now that it's been treated..." Heidi replied. But it still hurt. She and Jacob had decided to stay close to Eren and Mikasa. In Heidi's experience, most adults didn't really listen to children, so it would be good to have one around to help negotiate. Even though they barely knew their new friends, Eren's father, Dr. Yeager, had been treating Jacob ever since he was small. They didn't know where the doctor was at the moment, but if he was alive, he was bound to find them sooner or later. Heidi glanced down at Jacob, who was clinging to her good arm as if his life depended on it while she supported him. She was worried about him. He hadn't spoken a word since they arrived in Trost... She hoped her uncle would get there soon. She didn't think Jacob could take losing another parent.
"Apparently this was their food storehouse," Mikasa said as they entered the building. "They've gathered all the boat refugees here." The courtyard was already packed with people waiting in line for food.
"Hey, get in line, will ya!?" they heard someone shout angrily. The children looked over and saw two men scuffling with each other near one of the lines for bread.
"Shut up! I ain't eaten anything since last night!" the other man shouted back.
'And these are the adults...' Heidi thought with a frown. It looked like things were only going to get harder from here on in.
"We can't say we've survived just yet," Mikasa said, echoing her own thoughts.
"Eren! Mikasa!" Armin called out as he ran over to them, carrying several loaves of bread.
"Armin!" Eren said, surprised he had managed to find them so easily. He hadn't realized they had been on the same boat, but Armin had seen them get on, and then he spotted them again while he was waiting in line for food with his grandfather.
"Here! Just in time!" Armin said brightly. "My grandpa got us some by saying it was for children! There's enough for you, too, Heidi and Jacob!" He had never actually spoken to them before, but there weren't that many redheads in town, so Heidi was pretty famous amongst the children of Shiganshina. And Jacob was, too, by association.
"Thank you," the girls said, accepting the bread gratefully as he handed everyone a small loaf. It was more like a dinner roll, really, but beggars can't be choosers. Heidi was relieved she wouldn't have to resort to fighting any adults in order to feed Jacob. She didn't think that would work out too well with a broken arm, and she was afraid to leave Jacob alone in case he somehow got lost in the crowd and they ended up separated.
The children noticed one of the soldiers was staring at them with an open look of contempt.
"Tch!" he clicked his tongue in annoyance as he turned away and stalked off.
"What's his problem?" Eren asked, furrowing his brow.
"You can't blame him. There's probably not enough food to go around," Armin said reasonably. "And that's an entire day's worth. There are just too many refugees. There was already a food shortage going on, plus the people here aren't treated as well as the citizens on the outer wall."
"I see..." Heidi said thoughtfully, staring down at her loaf of bread. There were already more fights breaking out amongst the adults. "We need to be careful."
"Why should we hafta give our food to some lousy outsiders?" they heard the soldier who had just been staring at them grumble loudly. "If the Titans got through the wall, they could've at least eaten some more people, if you ask me!"
"!" the children gasped, appalled. Heidi scowled at the callous man as Jacob tightened his grip on her. Eren gritted his teeth, seething with anger. He marched forward to confront the bastard.
"Eren!" Armin said.
"This is just gonna make the food shortage even worse," the soldier continued, not caring who heard him.
"Ngh!" Without hesitation, Eren kicked him in the shin.
"Ouch!" the soldier winced in pain, while the man he had been talking to flinched in surprise. "What the hell!? You damn kid!?" the soldier yelled angrily, punching Eren in the jaw. Eren grunted in pain as he hit the ground, but he wasn't backing down. He wasn't wrong!
"You don't know what it's like!" Eren yelled, glaring at the soldiers. "You've never seen what the titans do to people!"
"!" Heidi winced when she suddenly felt a flash of sharp pain in the back of her head, but it quickly passed.
"I apologize!" Armin said, quickly placing himself between Eren and the angry soldier when he moved to hit his friend again. "He's just hungry and irritable. That's why he so rudely lashed out at an adult..." he explained nervously as the others came over to stand behind him and check on Eren. "I'm very sorry!" Armin said earnestly, bowing to the soldier.
"A lot of people here have had their loved ones eaten by titans," Heidi added grimly. "We're just a bunch of weak kids, but if you're not more careful with your words... You may end up angering someone really dangerous." The soldier gritted his teeth and a bead of nervous sweat rolled down the side of his face as he realized everyone in the crowd was staring. Just as she had said, many of the refugees were glaring at him with murder in their eyes.
"Man... It's 'cause of us that you guys aren't starving to death, you know!" he grumbled, making a hasty retreat. "Even you kids oughta be thankful to us!"
"Of course!" Armin said, relieved that the soldier had decided to drop it before it escalated into more violence.
"Damn..." Eren cursed in frustration, feeling humiliated. "I refuse to let them take care of me. I'm going back, to Wall Maria! I'm going to destroy every last titan!!"
"Eren... You're not being serous, are you?" Armin asked nervously, concerned. Did he realize what he was saying?
"I'm serious!" Eren said hotly, jumping to his feet. "I'm not like those guys who do nothing but act tough inside the walls! I don't need this crap!!" he yelled, throwing his bread away.
"Eren!" Armin exclaimed as he fumbled with the bread for a couple of seconds before catching it securely in his hands. "You'll starve to death!"
"Yeah! And don't waste perfectly good food! Even if you don't want it, don't just throw it away like that!" Heidi scolded him. What part of 'food shortage' didn't he understand? Who knew how long the free food would last!
"Doesn't it bother you at all!?" Eren demanded incredulously.
"There's nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it," Heidi retorted, frowning at his stubbornness. Pride wasn't going to fill their empty stomachs. Right now, survival came first.
"It's because we take everyone's charity that we can't beat the titans!!" Eren shouted angrily.
"It's impossible! There is no beating them!" Armin argued earnestly, trying to make him see reason. "All we can do is live inside the walls! If we try anything, we'll die! Just like my mom and dad!"
"So you're just gonna grovel to them, then!?" Eren snapped. "That's not shameful to you!?"
"There's... There's nothing we can do for now!" Armin yelled, frustrated.
"That's right! It can't be helped at the moment. We're just kids," Heidi said with a frown, wishing he would stop taking his frustration out on them and start being a bit more realistic. She didn't like it either, but she had Jacob to think about.
"That's just an excuse!!" Eren snarled. "If you wanna live like livestock forever, go ahead!! You weaklings!!" The next thing Eren knew, Mikasa's fist was colliding with his face. Her punch hurt even more than the soldier's. Eren hit the ground with a thud.
"If they're weaklings, then so are we," Mikasa told him. It was time for a reality check. "Whether it was running from the titans or fleeing the town, we didn't manage anything on our own. We even had help finding food today. There's no way such powerless people can defeat even a single one of those titans." Eren gritted his teeth and scowled as he looked away. "Staying alive is what matters most," Mikasa continued. "Just like your mother said." She took Eren's discarded loaf from Armin and shoved it into the stubborn boy's mouth.
"Mikasa!" Armin said, concerned.
'Good,' Heidi thought. 'You tell him, Mikasa!' Maybe Eren would listen to her.
"You have to eat and stay alive," Mikasa said firmly. Eren tried to pull away, but she wouldn't let him. Eventually Eren gave up and tears began to stream down his face as he realized they were right. It was frustrating to feel so powerless and useless, but they were right...
A gentle breeze blew through the courtyard and the familiar rustle of paper was heard as a poorly pinned poster flapped against one of the walls.
"Hm? What's that?" Heidi wondered aloud curiously, pointing at it. She hadn't noticed that before.
"Ah..." Armin said sadly. "That's a list of confirmed casualties..."
"... I'm not sure I want to know, but... I think we need to," Heidi said a little hesitantly, glancing down at Jacob. If her uncle's name wasn't on that list, then they would know that he was still all right. Eren decided he wanted to check it too to make sure his father's name wasn't on it either, so together the five children warily wormed their way through the crowd to read the list. The list wasn't that long, mostly because the world outside Wall Rose was still in chaos. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin breathed a sigh of relief when they didn't see Dr. Grisha Yeager listed among the known dead, but when they saw the horrified expressions on Heidi's and Jacob's faces, their hearts sank.
Right there, just above the names of Lana Stark and Lena Trumbauer, was Karl Stark. There was a symbol next to his name that indicated he had been killed in action. Jacob's knees buckled as tears flowed from his eyes, and Heidi sank with him. Eren and the others didn't know what to do. Jacob was sobbing uncontrollably, and Heidi was clinging desperately to her younger cousin as if she was afraid he might disappear too. It was then that a strange old man approached them. He had wild, pale and faded hair that had an orange-red tinge to it, a scruffy beard, and sharp blue eyes. He was dressed like a mountain man.
"Heidi Trumbauer, right?" the old man asked in a voice that was very deep and rumbly.
"Who want's to know?" Eren asked defiantly, wondering how he knew Heidi. She didn't seem to recognize him.
"Her grandfather, Tollak Trumbauer," the old man retorted bluntly. He had decided to come the moment the news of what had happened reached him. Even though he hadn't seen Heidi since she was an infant, he recognized her immediately, because she was the spitting image of his late son. "Not that it's any business of yours," he added sourly as Heidi glanced up at him in surprise with a tear-stained face. She hadn't expected him to come looking for them on his own. "I'll say this right now: there's no crying in my house. This isn't charity. Everyone has to work and pull their own weight. I don't have time to coddle two useless children while they sit around licking their wounds and feeling sorry for themselves," Tollak stated sternly, looking Heidi straight in the eye as he laid down the law. "Crying won't change anything. And no amount of grieving can bring the dead back. But you're still alive, and that means you can change. So if you're dissatisfied with how things turned out, then instead wasting time sitting here feeling sorry for yourselves, come with me, and I'll teach you how to get stronger." The five children stared up at the tough old man in awe. Whatever else he might be, they could tell this man was a survivor. Heidi glanced at the others, wondering if they would be all right. She didn't want to just leave them after they had helped her and Jacob out so much.
"Don't worry about us," Eren told her.
"That's right, we still have my grandpa and Dr. Yeager," Armin reminded her. Heidi nodded in understanding, wiped her eyes and stood up, pulling Jacob up with her.
"Jacob has trouble walking, so I'll do enough work for the both of us," she said determinedly, furrowing her brow as she held her grandfather's gaze.
"All right," Tollak said after a pause. He turned and started to walk, moving slowly so the two children could keep up as they followed him to their new home.
—∞—
Grief and sorrow consume.
But hope has not died...
Lost and displaced, the maiden journeys to mountains...
Challenged to grow in wisdom and strength,
A child becomes a woman.
—∞—
847
Cadet Corps, Southern Branch
Over the course of the following two years, Tollak taught Heidi and Jacob how to hunt and fend for themselves in the mountains outside Dauper Village. In that isolated wilderness, he taught them the stories and songs of old from the outside world that had been passed down through his family via oral tradition for centuries. Stories of heroes defeating giants and dragons. Stories of the struggles of life and death between humans. Stories of lands of perpetual ice and snow, burning sand, and oceans of salt. Under his guidance, their unrefined souls were beaten and sharpened into blades of unbreakable steel. He pounded all of his knowledge and survival skills into the children, until, eventually, they became strong enough in both mind and body to stand tall and hold their heads high through any kind of challenge.
"The 104th Cadet Corps Class entrance ceremony will now begin!" their instructor announced loudly, stepping forward to introduce himself to latest crop of recruits gathered before him. He looked very different from when he had been the commander of the Survey Corps. Now he was stern-faced with a goatee, and his shaved (or was it bald?) head gleamed in the sun. "You have the misfortune of having me, Keith Shadis, as your commandant! I do not welcome you warmly! In your current state, you'd be nothing but food for the titans! You're mere livestock! You're less than livestock! Over the next three years, we're going to train you worthless nothings and teach you how to fight titans! Three years from now, when you come face to face with the titans, will you still be fodder for them!? Will you serve as an honorable barrier that protects the king!? Or will you be a glorious soldier for humanity that drives the titans out!? It's up to you to decide!"
'Yes, I'll be one,' Heidi thought determinedly. 'This time, I'll protect what's important to me without fail! I'm going to join the Survey Corps like my father before me... and earn my own 'wings of freedom'.'
"Hey, you!" Shadis shouted brusquely, selecting the blonde boy standing a few rows in front of her for his first victim.
"Sir!" the boy said, snapping to attention as he saluted his superior.
"Who the hell are you!?" Shadis demanded.
"Armin Arlelt, from Shiganshina District!" the boy answered.
'Ah, I thought I saw some familiar faces as we lined up...' Heidi thought. So Eren and the others were here, too. She had often wondered how they were doing.
"I see! That's a ridiculous name!" Shadis barked. "Did your parents give it to you!?"
"My grandfather did, Sir!" Armin answered dutifully.
"Arlelt! Why are you here!?"
"To help humanity achieve victory!"
"That's wonderful to hear! We can feed you to the titans! Third row, about face!" Shadis ordered, placing a large hand on Armin's head to turn him around. Armin was incredibly nervous, but he was surprised when he saw who was standing behind him. He would recognize that bright red hair anywhere. Heidi risked flashing him a small smile to let him know she was glad to see him again while their new commandant moved on to the next person in line.
"Who the hell are you!?" he demanded of the taller blonde with shorter hair.
"Sir! Thomas Wagner, from Trost District!" the tall boy answered as he snapped to attention.
"I can't hear you!"
"Thomas Wagner!" Thomas shouted.
"Can't hear you!"
"Thomas Wagner!!"
"Go practice in a barn!!"
"Look at them go," one of the younger instructors remarked as he and his superior watched from a distance, circling around the group to watch their reactions.
"You went through the same thing when you started as a cadet, didn't you?" his grey-haired, spectacle-wearing superior reminded him.
"It takes me back..." the young instructor said with a nostalgic look on his face, though he did feel kind of sorry for some the recruits. At the moment, Shadis was in the face of a young girl with black pigtails.
"No! You're from a pigsty! You're less than livestock!" he barked at her.
"Yes, sir! I am less than livestock!" she shouted back, humiliated, but too scared to fight back.
"No!"
"But what's all that intimidation for?" the young instructor asked as Shadis tacked on an even worse insult.
"It's a rite of passage," His superior replied. "We revert them to a blank slate through the use of self-denial, after which we mold them into proper soldiers," he explained while Shadis tore down a young man with black hair. "This is one step in that process."
"Fourth row, about face!" Shadis ordered.
"Oh, there are some he's not talking to...?" the young instructor remarked. Shadis had walked right past Eren and Mikasa and few others.
"It's unnecessary for those who've already been through their rites of passage. They most likely witnessed the hell that took place two years ago. They have a different look on their faces," his superior said, noting their expressions. "Okay, let's go," he said, leading the younger instructor away for the moment.
"Who the hell are you!?" Shadis yelled.
"Jean Kirstein, from Trost District!" his latest victim replied.
"Why are you here!?"
"To join the Military Police Regiment and live in the interior!"
"Oh, I see. You wanna live in the interior, do you?"
"Yes!"
BAM!
"!?" Jean cried out in pain when Shadis abruptly head-butted him and crumbled to his knees as he held his aching head.
"Who said you could sit!?" Shadis roared. "If you can't handle this, you can forget about the Military Police!"
"Who the hell are you!? Why are you here!?"
"Marco Bodt of Jinae, on the south side of Wall Rose! I want to join the Military Police Regiment and give life and limb to the king!" the boy next to Jean with dark hair and freckles answered dutifully, sweating nervously.
"That's a fine goal, indeed. Go ahead and strive for it," Shadis told him. "But just so you know... the king doesn't want your lousy life or limbs," he finished darkly, leaning in disturbingly close. Marco swallowed nervously as he moved on to the next row, which happened to start with Heidi. Shadis paused and looked surprised for a moment upon getting a closer look at her, but he recovered quickly.
"Who the hell are you!?" he roared. She had that look, so normally he wouldn't have tested her, but...
"Sir! Heidi Trumbauer, from Shiganshina District!" Heidi answered strongly, snapping to attention as she saluted him. Eren and Mikasa's eyes flicked to the side when they heard that, trying to see her without being too obvious. Shadis' eyes widened slightly. That red hair... and the last name Trumbauer... It would appear his suspicions were correct. Was she really that man's daughter? Here? In this camp? She was about the right age...
"Another ridiculous name! Why are you here!?"
"To join the Survey Corps!"
"Why the Survey Corps!?" he barked. Was she doing this to follow in her father's footsteps? Did she not know what happened to him? "Do you have a death wish, Trumbauer!?"
"No, sir!" Heidi responded boldly. "But everyone dies eventually, so I figured I might as well make mine count! I want to at least go down fighting, sir!"
"Very good, Trumbauer! I like your guts! I'm sure the titans will, too!!" Shadis said, giving her the full package by ending with a head-butt.
"..." It hurt like hell, and there were small tears forming in the corners of her eyes, but Heidi stood her ground, determined not to budge. Actually, the one who had suffered the most damage from that collision was probably Shadis himself. A lump was already beginning to form on his bald forehead. In addition to his flaming red hair, Odd Trumbauer's daughter had definitely inherited her father's hard head.
"You're next!" the commandant shouted, quickly rounding on the boy with the buzz cut who was standing beside her. "Who the hell are you!?"
"Connie Springer! I'm from Rakago Village, on the south side of Wall Rose!" the boy answered with a salute. Unfortunately, it was completely wrong. Shadis immediately clapped his hands on the sides of Connie's head and squeezed, lifting the boy into the air.
"You have it backwards, Connie Springer!" Shadis growled dangerously. "It was the first thing you were taught! This salute expresses your resolve to give your heart to the people! Is your heart on the right side!?"
MUNCH.
Shadis froze and immediately turned his attention to the source of the sound. A brunette girl with her hair pulled up in a ponytail was standing in the next row munching on a potato, bold as brass. Seeing the looks on Shadis' face and the previous rows of cadets that had been told to 'about face' in front of her, Heidi decided to risk taking a look for herself. Her eyes widened. She knew that face.
'S-Sashaaaa!!!' Heidi yelled incredulously in her mind, wondering what her friend was thinking, though knowing her when it came to food, she probably wasn't. Shadis dropped Connie like a sack of rotten potatoes.
"Hey, you," the commandant said in a dangerously low tone, addressing the troublemaker. "What do you think you're doing?" Sasha glanced around while she chewed, as if looking to see who he was talking to.
'It's you, dummy!' Heidi shouted mentally, trying to communicate with Sasha with her eyes. 'Stop eating and put the damn potato away! Now!' Unfortunately, Sasha didn't seem to get the message, because she took another bite, thinking the warning look Heidi was giving her was simply one of jealously.
"I'm talking to YOU!!!" Shadis roared as he closed the gap between them, looming ominously over the potato girl. "Who the hell are you!?" Finally realizing the trouble she was in, Sasha quickly swallowed and snapped to attention, still clutching the potato securely in her hand as she saluted.
"Sasha Braus from Dauper Village, on the south side of Wall Rose!" she answered seriously. The image was ruined by the bits of potato still clinging to the sides of her mouth. Sasha always had been a messy eater...
"Sasha Braus..." Shadis said. He would be sure to remember that name. "What is that you're holding in your hand?"
"A steamed potato, sir! I found one in the cookhouse that was ready to eat, so I couldn't help myself!" Sasha explained with a straight face.
"You stole it?" Shadis asked. "Why? Why did you decide to eat it now?" Did she really think she wouldn't get caught?
"I felt it would be a waste to let it get cold, so I elected to eat it now," Sasha replied seriously.
"No, I don't understand. Why did you eat the potato?" Shadis asked gravely. Sasha furrowed her brow slightly in confusion.
"Are you asking me why people eat potatoes, sir?" she asked. There was complete silence aside from the wind. Heidi and all of the other cadets watched with nervous anticipation, waiting to hear her answer.
"Ah!" Sasha suddenly gasped as something came to her. Thinking about potatoes, she remembered how she and Heidi had first met. Although Sasha had initially resented all of the outsiders who were suddenly flooding her village because there was less food to go around...
‹‹ Flash Back ‹‹
After getting into a fight with her father after she was caught scavenging food without permission, Sasha had run away and ended up lost in unfamiliar territory. She had never gone this deep into the mountains before. Sasha had no idea where she was, and she was starving. And then, just when all hope seemed lost, she caught a whiff of the familiar smell of baking potatoes. Sasha immediately charged towards the mouthwatering smell and burst out into an open clearing, where someone had built a charming but sturdy little house. The redheaded girl tending the baking potatoes stared up at Sasha in astonishment. It was Heidi's first time seeing another kid other than her cousin since moving in with her grandfather several months ago. Heidi was just about to ask the strange girl who she was and what she wanted, when Sasha's empty stomach growled. She was also drooling and staring at the potatoes like she hadn't eaten in days.
"..." Heidi stared at her for a moment and carefully removed one of the potatoes from the fire. Her grandfather had told her not to give food to wild animals or outsiders because they only had enough to feed the three of them, but she figured she could do what she wanted with her own potato. She split it in half and offered her a piece. "Want it?" she asked. Sasha stared at the redheaded girl in shock. "You can have half..." Heidi told her with a small smile, wondering why she was looking at her like that. Sasha didn't have to be told twice. She immediately snatched the half being offered to her and eagerly devoured it. It was the most delicious potato that she had ever tasted.
"Are you God!!?" Sasha asked excitedly with sparkling eyes, clasping the kind girl's hands in her own.
›› Flash Forward ››
That's right, it was thanks to that moment that Sasha and Heidi had become friends. The sharing of food had the potential to form a special bond between people, so maybe...
"Tch," Sasha clicked her tongue as she broke what was left of her potato into two unequal pieces. "Here's half of it for you," Sasha told the commandant, giving him the smaller piece. Heidi's jaw dropped. Sasha actually shared her food with someone? That was amazing! Were they about to be attacked by titans again or something!?
"Half...?" Shadis said quietly, staring at the piece of potato in his hand before looking back up at her. Sasha forced a smile onto her face, even though she had really wanted to eat the whole thing.
