Circling Ever Closer
We talked long into the night, barely catching a wink of sleep between us before the sun started to crawl over the horizon and then we were on the move again. I sent up the customary red sparks just before dawn, more out of habit than hope. I didn't expect a response…I didn't really know why I bothered to continue to do it at all. But still, every day I sent up the sparks and every day my eyes scored the horizon for a reply.
None ever came, and I tried not to be disappointed with my lack of surprise.
I asked questions, probably hundreds of them, but Snape's understanding of astronomy was limited. What he did know came from his own courses back when he was a student, or the rare times that star alignments and moon phases affected ingredient collection for his potions.
Even with my bare minimum understanding of astronomy and his select knowledge, we still were able to come to one terrifying conclusion. Snape and I were very far from home and neither of us wanted to be the first to say it.
"What about the big dipper?" I asked, panting heavily as I tried to juggle the six dragons that had crawled over and under my clothes.
"Ursa Major," Snape immediately corrected as we trudged through the snow. The hatchlings had become lethargic over the last few days even as exhaustion hung heavily over Snape and me. He grumbled at any of the hatchlings that used me as a perch, but as the days passed, he became less irate about the situation. None were allowed upon my shoulders though, or the hood. Snape had claimed those areas for himself and had nearly torn the wing from the bright red when it had tried to make a home in my hood.
I had chastised my once professor for a long while as I cradled the bright red, but Snape only continued to hiss in annoyance and refused to be dislodged from his perch around my neck. He had even dug his talons into my skin and hair when I tried to. He had even dug his talons into my skin and hair when I tried to pull him away in frustration, so I had let him be as I examined the red for damage. It was startled and shaken, its wing stiff from where Snape had wrenched it, but it was uninjured.
After that incident, no other dared to go higher than my chest and Snape glared down at him from his high perch with a smug expression, dorsal fins extended like a bird preening. I didn't have the energy to be more than mildly annoyed. We hadn't been sleeping, choosing instead to spend our nights lying on our backs and trying to match the stars with constellations we knew.
No matter how long we looked, nothing looked familiar.
"Also known as…the big dipper," I waved one hand in a vague motion that I immediately aborted as I struggled to catch the sleeping light brown dragon as it slid down my side. Its face scrunched, nostrils flaring, and a rumbling growl emerged from twitching lips as its singular thumb claws made grabby motions before it latched onto the inside of the robe and settled back into sleep.
"That is only the tail end of the constellation. The big dipper," he hissed the words as if he were spitting out something foul, "is an asterism. A collection of stars forming a distinct pattern. Recognizable, but not a constellation."
Snape huffed a smoke ring in my face at the end of his lecture and then he was fighting to keep his perch on my shoulder as I coughed exaggeratedly while waving my hand in front of my nose to disperse the pale smoke. "Why don't you tell me what the tail end of Ursa Major looks like," he grumbled, wing claws digging into my hair as he regained his balance.
I gave him a side eye glance, already knowing that I was about to walk into a trap but not able to foresee how. "Like a cooking pot?" I answered with a question, uncertain where this was going.
Snape bobbed his head as I continued shuffling through the snow. A quick spell on my boots made certain that they didn't sink into the snow and I was beyond grateful that Snape was not only very knowledgeable in a massive variety of different spells, but that he was willing to share that knowledge. He also did so with a surprisingly little derision.
"Correct," he replied, tone soft but I could hear an undercurrent of sarcasm coloring the word. "Very easily distinguished, seen year-round in the northern hemisphere…one cannot possibly miss it."
"Oh, sweet Merlin," I groaned, hanging my head as I lifted the shivering twins under my tank top and tucked the bottom into the top of my pants to create a pouch. "I get it," my hand waved around in exasperation.
"Any child can find it near instantly in the sky," he continued much to my chagrin.
"Please stop."
"It's almost as if placed there intentionally to help one find Polaris. The north star found year-round in the northern hemisphere in the direction of north. Did you happen to see this northern pointing star in any of the last few nights?"
"Well, maybe we just missed it?" I reached, grabbing at any flimsy reason no matter how absurd it seemed. I didn't want to be the one to say what we were both thinking. I didn't even want to think it.
"Yes, because it is such any easy star to lose," Snape's head tilted as his tail flexed around my arm. "Maybe it was just misplaced. Or, I could be wrong, but maybe it's not the star that's lost."
"Okay," I snapped, aborting the automatic reaction to throw my hands in the air as I suddenly had half a dozen hatchlings shrieking at being woken so abruptly. "I get it. We're lost," I hissed quietly at him even as I started to bounce the little dragons in a soothing manner like one would a baby. I was surprised how natural the motion seemed as I had only witnessed it being done by new mothers in passing.
"Undeniably," he agreed, his throat warbling as he thrummed, body slouching until he was lying across my shoulders. The heat that emitted from him started to ease the headache that had been building at the base of my skull since the beginning of this conversation.
"What about the southern cross? Maybe were in the far south…Antarctica or something," I rationalized between breaths as I started to ascend a small hill.
"Ah, yes," he hummed again and already I could feel my shoulders rising in defense to his tone. "Seen year-round in the southern hemisphere. Five stars in the shape of a cross…impossible to miss –"
"Yes!" I snapped, ignoring the cascade hissing and grumbling from the sleeping hatchlings. "Alright, enough. Merlin!"
"Also known as Crux," Snape continued despite the interruption. "Though the smallest of constellations, it is the easiest to recognize."
"I fucking hate you, you know that?" I glowered, stumbling as the ground evened out and I was able to pick up my pace.
"Hmm?" He hummed questioningly, twisting his torso to drape his back legs down the front of my chest and tightening his tail around my upper arm. "I thought you enjoyed when I…how did you put it? Ah yes, actually do my job and teach."
"You know what, Snape?" I stopped walking, annoyed and tired and angry. "Blow me, okay? I'm done. Done with your condescending shit and your smug little attitude you've got going. So, take that patronizing…face," I threw up my hands in frustration as words failed me, ignoring the shrieking of the woken dragons as they fell from their perches. Snape snapped his wings and pulled himself from my shoulders to settle upon the sled. He blinked up at me with his green-purple eyes as I turned to fully face him. "And you can go and shove it where the sun don't shine, because you and I both know you've no idea where we are or what the fuck is going on."
My hands were shaking as I stood there, the hatchlings in a loose ring around us as Snape's dual thumbs clenched and released the dragon hide he was perched upon, his thrumming turning more into a warbling sound as he shifted his weight from side to side. The twins backed away from us, curling around each other as they huddled next to the big grey. I noticed their actions in an abstract way, aware that my outburst was causing their unease, but I couldn't bring myself to stop.
It felt like there was fire in my veins. A knot was forming low in my chest and my heart was beating so quickly I could hear it like war drums in my ears. "This isn't home!" I yelled at my once professor, stalking forward on heavy feet towards the sled until I was only a half a pace away. Snape flinched back, his neck rearing and tail flicking as I advanced, but it did little to quell my anger.
"Do you think I don't know that, Snape?" I shouted again as the hatchlings started to pile closer together, chirruping and clicking low in their throats while the hunched into the snow. "Is your derisiveness and condescension making this easier for you? Because it isn't for me. I am sick of it! Sick of yo-your…your…I'm sick of you!"
The words rang around us in the silence and I couldn't tell who was more stunned at my words, me or him. The hatchlings were silent, and I could see them out of the corner of my eye, huddled together and quivering in the cold. Even the bronze was pressed between their siblings, hissing and snapping their teeth at the ones closest, but for once they didn't stand apart.
"I-I…" I hadn't meant it. I hadn't meant most of what I said, but I was just so lost and frustrated. Snape had to know that, he had to know I didn't mean it. "Snape, I–"
"Stop," Snape rumbled lowly, eyes wide as they slid over my shoulder.
"Please," I begged, he had to know I didn't mean it.
"Silence," he hissed, baring his teeth. The fire in my veins vanished, but that heavy feeling in my chest didn't. He wouldn't even look at me.
"Severus, I didn't–"
"Don't move," his words were crisp and quiet, and I felt my fingertips go cold as the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. It was then that I realized that it wasn't that he couldn't look at me, it was that he was looking at something behind me. My eyes slid to the side and my head started to turn before he stopped me. "Don't look," I froze in place, watching him watch whatever was in the distance. "Get your wand out and walk to the hatchlings, very slowly. Try and keep them calm. Get them onto the sled."
"What is it?" I asked, the adrenaline from my rant surging in place of fear as I flicked my wrist and felt my want snap into my hand.
"Do as I say," Snape lowered himself close to the hide, shoulders hunched, and fins extended as he continued to stare beyond my shoulder. "Do it quickly."
I felt myself moving before I had thought to do so. I may have been a hair trigger away from throwing the biggest tantrum at my professor, but despite my feelings on the matter, I trusted him. Between the arena, the cave, and the long winter trek, he had shown time and again that he wouldn't leave, and he tried to give me the tools and knowledge to protect myself.
Finding out I had serious abandonment issues was interesting and more than a little embarrassing, and if I was clingy after my many outbursts, Snape was kind enough never to mention it. But I knew he had to know. I wondered why he put up with me…there was no denying that I was just a complete mess.
The hatchlings chirruped and warbled as they stared up at me, their bodies piled upon each other, moving from the top to bottom like an undulating rainbow. Their many eyes darted between me and Snape who was still perched upon the sled. He looked like a statue, nearly unnaturally still if it weren't for the extended dorsal fin that rippled with every breath.
They didn't notice the danger that we were in. They were uneasy because of my outburst. That lump in my chest moved into my throat and I felt shame even as I started to gently herd them towards the sled. They moved slowly, the twins separating from the group first to huddle beneath the shadow of bone and hide. The others hesitated, piling their bodies closer together as I crouched down to appear less threating to them.
"Stand back up, but don't turn around," Snape hissed, darting up the giant leg bone that served as one of the extended shafts. "Stand up now!"
I did as he told, my heart pounding in my ears as I felt sweat start to trail down my spine. "Snape," I hissed, trying to scoot the dragons towards the sled and then trying to shake the brown off from where they were latched onto the toe of my boot with their teeth. "What is it?!"
"Wolves," Snape's voice was low and deep as his head started to sway back and forth. "Get them to the sled, now!"
It was easier said than done, especially since I couldn't bend over to lift them. I shook the bronze off and ignored their angry hissing as I tried to push the rest with my boot and vague shooing gestures with my hands. I cooed and tried to appear calm, but with every second that passed, I felt the fear climbing.
Snape was no longer still. His head snapped from one side the other and I was confused at the quickness of the motion until I realized he was tracking multiple targets. We were being surrounded.
I had nearly all of the hatchlings herded to the sled when Snape shrieked, and I fought not to cover my ears at the piercing noise. "Get to the sled!" He yelled once his cry died out and I could hear over the ringing of my ears. I wanted to do as he said, I nearly almost did…but the bronze and the black were still yards away, unaware of the danger they were in. I darted towards them, casting a protego with one hand while the other scooped up the last two dragons.
I hit the ground hard, the snow finding its way beneath my coat and shirt to chill my bare skin as I scrabbled to tuck the protesting hatchlings against me. A dull thud resonating from behind and I knew that the shield had taken a heavy hit.
The hatchlings in my grip and those by the sled were all crying now, their shrieks of terror filling the air as two more thuds followed the first. Beneath the sound of their cries, I could hear Snape's own high pitched roar, it was followed by a loud snarling that came from something much bigger.
"Get up!" Snape cried out and I scrabbled in the snow to get purchase while I struggled to hold the panicking dragons. "Leave them! Get up and run! The shield is failing, run Hari!"
My head turned at the sound of another thud and a loud snarl and I scrambled back as I took in our assailants. The term wolves should have been used more lightly. The beasts clawing and snarling at my flickering and cracking shield were massive, the smallest the size of a large pony. Their heads were as large as my torso and their teeth longer than my fingers.
"What the fuck?!" I shouted, crab walking backwards on one hand as I pressed the furious black and bronze dragons to my stomach. Their small talons were scraping shallow cuts in my soft belly, but I hardly even noticed over the pounding fear that had overtaken me. "What the fuck?! Severus? Severus?!"
The small black clawed up my side, crying loudly as it flung itself over my shoulder and towards the other terrified hatchlings. I let it go, urging the bronze to follow, but the little shit never listened to me before and today was no different.
The bronze dug its little talons into my gut and pushed away from me. I fought to keep my grip on its hide, but it wiggled away, hissing and spitting as it lunged itself towards the wolves. My grip on its tail stopped it just short of the flickering shield, and it stood on hind legs, extending its wings to appear bigger as it roared a tiny high pitched roar at the half a dozen beasts that snarled and salivated with hungry yellow eyes.
It looked like a flightless chicken cawing defiance to a predator that decided it was going to make poultry its next meal.
The spell flickered and I yanked the bronze back, gripping it around the chest and neck and pulling it away as the cracks started to spread across the transparent blue shield. "Hari, run!" Snape shrieked, but his cry was too late. I was too far from the sled; my shield was going to fail before I could even get to my feet.
The bronze continued to cry defiance as I turned away, pulling it beneath me as I covered it with my body. I knew that it was futile, but I hoped the wolves would be too busy with me to bother with something so small. Behind me, the shield broke with a loud crack and the growling intensified as I clenched my eyes closed and used my hand to press the bronze muzzle closed to quiet it.
I was expecting pain, tearing flesh, blood, and death. And they all came, just not all for me.
There was a searing pain in my arm, my wand dropping from suddenly limp fingers as the vice grip clenching so tight, I thought my bones was going to break, the teeth tearing so deep they must have bitten all the way through. There was a shriek so loud it deafened me, and the beast released its bite upon my forearm as I was suddenly surrounded by heat. It was so incredibly hot I could feel the sweat evaporate from my skin, my hair whipping into my face from the force of it as I felt as if I had entered an oven…but I did not burn.
The cold came rushing back a second later, nearly burning in the absence of the heat and I sat up. Snow was falling from the sky, large dark flakes that stained the white ground a sooty grey. Four of the massive wolves had retreated a good distance away, a large blackened spot stained the ground where they had once stood.
My eyes widened, breath increasing as my gaze darted around to find the missing two beasts that had been moments away from tearing me apart. The darkened flakes settled upon my skin and only then did I realize that I was staring at ash.
Snape hovered in the air a few feet away, his white wings beating deep and slow to keep him in place, stirring the air and disturbing the ash that must have been the two missing wolves. The bronze struggled out of my grip and I let it, too stunned to do anything other than stare. With each beat of his wings, the ash swirled in the air and Snape got closer and closer to the ground before he landed in the darkened circle.
"Snape?" I called to him hesitantly, watching his tiny body bob as he panted harshly. "Severus?"
"Get your wand," he replied without looking back at me. His tone sounded strangled and it was only then that I realized his limbs were shaking. In the distance, the four wolves that stood taller than even myself started to fan out and slowly began to close the distance between us once more.
I scrambled to my feet, scooping the snarling bronze up and tossing it towards the sled with one hand while the black wand snapped into my other one. My wand was lost somewhere in the snow near my feet, but I dare not look for it. A glance to the sled confirmed that all the hatchlings were accounted for, standing alert on top of the piled meat and hide, their little heads swiveling to track the wolves that were circling ever closer.
Reaching down, I pulled an exhausted Snape up from the ground and propped him upon my shoulder. His tail wrapped loosely around my arm, and he stood upright though I could tell he struggled to remain so. "Can you do that again?" I asked, though I already knew that he couldn't.
Snape was used to breathing fire, he did many times a day, but never before had he breathed a fire so hot it turned flesh and bone instantly into ash. It must have taken much out of him.
"I very much doubt it," he replied softly, head drooping as he blinked slowly.
"Look," I shrugged my shoulder to jostle him into awareness. "I don't need you to breath fire or fly, but I do need you to remain awake. Tell me what to do."
It was silent for a time as I shifted to keep myself between the wolves and the sled. Their circling started to become tighter as they loped one way and then another, getting ever close. I couldn't always be between them and the hatchlings, but I certainly tried. Another wolf came out of the trees, a large beast grey and white with a splash of rusted brown along its withers. It joined the circling pack and my grip on Snape's wand tightened.
"Why won't they just leave?" I hissed the question as I turned to keep the majority within my sights, trusting Snape to warn me if any tried to sneak up from behind. "You killed two of their pack, shouldn't they just leave?"
"Look at them," Snape replied, voice slow and quiet as I saw his white muzzle in my periphery from where he leaned forward. I followed his gaze, watching as two of the wolves passed each other in opposite directions.
"What am I looking for?" I asked hesitantly. Now really wasn't the time for a lesson but telling Snape that would have been useless. The once man believed any time was to be used as a moment of learning, whether it be hours before dawn when he's awoken me from sleep with an idea, or in the middle of a fight that could end up with all of us in something else's belly.
"What do you see?"
I looked closer, knowing that answering with the words massive fucking wolves would only earn me derision when this was all over once we survived…if we survived. My earlier annoyance with Snape's condescension seemed like a lifetime ago, and incredibly unimportant in the face of this new danger.
They were all varying shades of white and grey, larger than the average pony, the largest a light grey and probably the size of a horse. "They're very big," I told him, continuing at his hum. "Bigger than any wolf I've ever heard of."
"What else?"
The new wolf was the only one with rusted brown in its fur, and though it wasn't the largest, it still somehow appeared bigger than the others. "That one is different."
"Different how?" Snape's tone was interested as his muzzle disappeared from my periphery, more than likely checking to make certain none had sneaked up behind us during our conversation.
"Bigger…but not," I replied, trying to find words to describe what I was seeing.
Snape hissed and I turned quickly at his feeling of panic as a snarl came from the other side of the sled. I lashed out with a spell, the first one I could think of, and blinked in surprise as the expelliarmus blasted the dark grey wolf nearly two dozen feet away. It hit the ground hard, tumbling over itself and sliding even further away. It stayed down for a long moment before it pulled itself up and continued its circling. It was moving slower now, its back leg dragging oddly behind it, but still it circled.
"Bigger how?" Snape asked as I turned to keep the other wolves within my sight. They had closed the distance even more during the distraction, their yellow eyes gleaming as the sky began to darken.
The injured one was lapped by a pale cream with nearly black markings around its eyes and they paused, standing together as the sun began to set. They touched noses and the cream lowered its head to sniff at the useless leg that dragged behind the dark grey. After a long moment, they continued their pacing, gazes back upon me and the hatchlings.
"Fat," I replied, finally finding the word as I took in their hungry gazes. "The new one is fat. The others look…thin."
"Starving," Snape replied. "And she isn't fat, she's pregnant."
My eyebrows rose and my eyes widened, finally realizing what was going on. They couldn't give up the hunt, there was nothing else out here. We had been walking for over a week and hadn't seen a single living thing. We were probably the only food the pack had seen for a long while.
"We're so fucked," I whispered. "Is there any way to scare them off?"
"Probably not," Snape replied, his dual thumbs dug into my shoulders as he heaved himself more upright. "And even if we could, we can't afford too."
"What?" I asked, resisting the urge to take my eyes off the wolves to stare at him in astonishment. "Why?"
His muzzle came back into my line of sight and I moved again to stand between the largest cluster and the sled. "Even if we scared them off right now, they would just come back. Probably while we're sleeping. They'll pick us off one by one until there's nothing left. And there is no other food."
"We could set up perimeters and shields," I replied, hand shaking as I shot a blasting hex at the cream colored one that looked like it was interested in trying its luck. The spell missed, my aim with my off hand still clumsy, but the injury to my dominant arm prevented me from switching hands. The spell went very wide… but the wolf backed off as the snow next to it burst apart with a small boom. "You could teach me, I'm sure you know spells that would protect us…wards or something."
"I know many," Snape rumbled, his tone undulating as if on the verge of a growl. "But you misunderstand. There is no other food," he repeated, and his tail lashed out once before wrapping around my injured arm once more. "And we are almost out of meat."
I startled beneath him, and he hissed at me as my eyes quickly returned to tracking the wolves. "You can't be serious! Snape…they're starving!"
"And so will we," he replied, tone low and harsh as he turned his gaze to the injured wolf. "Start with that one, stun it. Wait for the others to approach and body bind them."
"Start with? No, absolutely not. I'll kill the injured one because we need the food and it probably can't survive with a broken leg, but that's it!" I told him sternly, already turning to bring the black wand to bare, tracking the path of the limping wolf so I wouldn't miss again.
"If you leave one alive, they'll just keep coming," Snape hissed at me, claws digging into my shoulders.
"You said the fat one is pregnant!"
"And she will die anyway!" He shrieked. The high-pitched cry startled the wolves back, but not for long. "I've already killed two, we kill another, and she's left with two pack members. There's no food for miles, and their hunting strength is down to less than half. If they can't kill us, they'll starve. You need to choose. The hatchlings or the wolves?"
My lip curled and jaw tightened at his words, but my wand continued to track the injured wolf. I knew he was right, but it didn't make what I was about to do any easier.
"It's a mercy," Snape added softly, and I grunted in frustration at the words.
"Just shut up," I replied, sniffing lightly as I brought my hand up to wipe my nose. I only ended up smearing blood on my face and wincing at the pain in my arm, but my resolve tightened with the hurt. "Tell me what to do."
I sent a stupefy at the injured wolf, watching as the red spell flew across the gap and slam into the wolf. It crumpled like a puppet with its strings cut and didn't get back up. The cream darted close and I tried not to wonder if perhaps they were siblings or maybe a mated pair. I didn't want to think about it. It whined and pawed at the ground in front of the stunned wolf, its yellow eyes darting from us to the others in its pack.
"Again," Snape rumbled low in my ear and I could feel the heat of his breath on my cheek.
"Stupify," I flicked my wrist, and while the cream was looking directly at me, it took the spell directly to the chest and joined its maybe sibling/mate in a crumpled heap on the ground. The other wolves started to howl and whine, sneaking closer to their downed pack mates, heads low and ears flat.
"Why didn't it dodge?" I asked, bringing my wand up but waiting until the other wolves came closer.
"They can't see the spell," Snape replied softly, his eyes tracking the one wolf still behind us. It too was making its way over to the two I had stunned, but it was moving much slower than the others, more cautious. "Most creatures can't. Muggles can't see spells either, only their effect."
"Oh," I mumbled, the realization somehow made me feel even more guilty, though I wasn't quite certain as to why. Perhaps because it was even a less fair fight than I realized. "What now?"
"Now, we wait until the others are closer and bind them. You do know incarcerous, correct?"
"Yes, I know incarcerous," I hissed at him in aggravation. "While I do realize that my learning has some serious gaps, could you try to not act like a total ass every time you ask if I know a spell?"
"Doubtful," he replied, and I found myself smiling despite the situation. "If they get close enough together, they could all be bound with one spell cast."
"What, really?" I asked in surprise. I hadn't been taught that in defense class. "Do all spells work that way? Like proximity affect or something?"
"Not all, but a few can be changed from singular target to area target. The spell is you want to use is incarcerous maximus, add a downward slash and an upward flick to the outside at the end."
"Huh," I mumbled, glancing down at my want curiously. I wondered which other spells could be changed. I wondered if any of them exploded.
"Focus," Snape hissed, and I looked back up to see the last wolf finally join the rest of the pack. "Remember, incarcerous maximus, downward slash, upward flick. Do it, now."
The first cast failed; my movements too hesitant to produce any spell. But Snape eased my anxiety with a few gentle words and prompted me to try again. The second spell bound the remaining three wolves in ropes, but even at a distance I could see that they would soon be free.
"Quickly, cast again." I did as he demanded and sighed in relief as the ropes tightened and the wolves ceased their struggling. My relief didn't last as I remembered what came next.
I approached the bound and stunned wolves, wand hand shaking as I sent a stupefy to each bound wolf. They didn't need to be awake for what came next. I stood there in silence, staring down at the five wolves before glancing back at hatchlings that were perched upon the sled. Their necks were extended high so they could see better, but they did not leave the safety of the sled.
"Severus…what do I do now?" My voice was quiet and soft, timid almost…and if this had been any other situation, I was certain he would have derided me for it. Instead I felt heat bloom across my cheek where Snape rested his own against mine.
"Diffendo," Snape replied gently. "Across the neck, quick and clean."
I kneeled in the snow, bringing my hand up to rest it upon the fur of the injured wolf. My fingers left trails of blood in the grey fur and the injury to my arm was painful, but still I carded my fingers down the flank, up to the head, over the ears, and down a forelimb. Its paws were bigger than my hands and I was briefly fascinated by this fact. The wolf breathed deep and slow, heavy in sleep, and did not stir at my touch.
"Hari," Snape's voice broke me out of whatever peace I had been able to find in this awful moment.
"Just give me a moment," I replied, voice tight and thick, but my eyes for once, were dry. I didn't deserve to cry over what I was about to do.
"They won't stay stunned forever," Snape replied, and I jostled my shoulder to shut him up.
"Just give me a fucking minute," the words were soft and devoid of emotion. I had nothing left to give, but Snape did give me this.
He remained, perched on my shoulder with his tail flexing around my upper arm, a low warble emitting from his throat, but he didn't speak again. I sat there for a long time, stroking bloody fingers through thick fur, hand clenched around the black wand. I brought it up slowly, pressing the tip to the throat of the stunned wolf, and whispered the severing spell.
I moved on to the next wolf before the first had bled out, repeating the ritual, taking my time with each one. One after the other until I was before the heavily pregnant female. My hand paused on her rotund stomach. I could feel the life within her moving beneath her fur and skin and then the tears finally came.
"Hari?" Snape asked, breaking the silence.
"Not her, please Severus," I turned to look at him, kneeling in the blood of the other dead wolves, my hand upon the life within the last one. "Please, can't we just leave this one?"
"Hari," Snape sighed my name and I already knew what he was going to say. "It would be cruel. She would die a slow death, and if she lived long enough to give birth, her pups would suffer too, before death claimed them."
He was right, I knew he was right. She wouldn't be able to hunt by herself, and if she couldn't eat, her young would starve.
"What if we left her one of the dead ones?" I asked instead, uneasy about the thought of cannibalism…but I got over the hatchlings devouring their mother, I could get over this.
"And how long would that last her?" Not long enough was the answer. Even if we left her most of the dead, it wouldn't last her long enough to fully wean her young. She would probably have to eat her pups as well.
"Dammit," I mumbled, twisting my fingers into her fur and ignoring the shooting pain it caused in my arm. "Goddammit! It's not fair!"
"Nothing ever is," Snape replied, and I unclenched my fingers from the coarse fur and brought my wand up to her throat.
I tried to utter the spell, I tried so hard my lips started to move and my hand trembled, but I couldn't make the spell form. "I can't," I whispered, dropping the wand and burying both hands into her fur. "I can't."
"Hari," Snape murmured, heat blooming down my jaw and neck as he nuzzled me. "You have too."
"No," I replied, bending my head low to rest my ear over her slowly beating heart. "No," I repeated. "We'll leave her two. And if they die, it won't be by my hand. I won't do this."
Snape warbled and chittered, but he didn't argue as I picked the wand back up and turned from the stunned female. "They'll die," Snape stated once more as I moved back to the first wolf I had killed.
"Maybe," I replied, "but not because of me."
We ate well that night, and the nights that followed. It took me nearly until dawn to find my missing wand, calm the crying hatchlings, heal the wound to my arm – which despite my advancing spell work, left pale scars – and harvest all the parts from two of the wolves. I stunned the female twice more before we finally left, leaving her two of her packmates for food and obscuring our scent and tracks as we continued our march further west.
Snape moved my lessons to warding, and several nights later, my first one went up. A week later and it lasted throughout the entire night. The hatchlings were clingy in the following days, never straying as far from the sled as they had been. Except for the bronze, but that little shit never listened to any reason.
I couldn't bring myself to be more than mildly annoyed with the bronze one though, not after their attempt to fight off the wolves no matter how futile. It was still a little shit, but less of an aggravating one. And now it spent most of its time perched as high as it could get on the sled with its gaze fixed to the horizon. The blue and the light grey would join the bronze on watch periodically throughout the day, and I found myself relaxing as they took turns looking for danger.
Their eyesight was much better than mine, a fact the Snape confirmed when he stated he could see nearly over a mile out if he tilted his head and focused through one eye. There wasn't much to see, and though I wished for any sort of change of scenery, I settled for no more predators.
A full moon had come and gone after the wolves when I finally admitted to Snape that I accepted that we were no longer on Earth, or at least the Earth we knew. The new moon was just starting to hang in the sky when Snape admitted that he no longer believed rescue was coming. How could they possibly find us on another planet? If we were even on another planet. We could have been in an entirely different reality for all we knew.
Another full moon came and went, our food supply nearly depleted, the hatchlings sizes of small dogs – Severus still the size of a cat – when we came upon the sea.
