Chapter 11: Legend


"Long ago, back when humankind used to cover the globe... there was a group of warriors from the North who were known for their invincibility on the battlefield," Tollak began. "They worshiped the ancient god Wôtan, and were reported to have fought in a nearly uncontrollable, trance-like fury."

Heidi already knew of Wôtan. He had appeared in many of the old legends and tales her grandfather had told to her and Jacob over the years. Wôtan had been a major god of their ancestors and was associated with war, battle, victory and death, but also wisdom, shamanism, magic, poetry, prophecy, and the hunt. Wôtan had many sons, the most famous of whom was the thunder god Thor.

"This fury was called berserkergang, or 'going berserk'. Men who were thus seized performed things which otherwise seemed impossible for human power. With this was connected a great hot-headedness, which at last gave over into a great rage, under which they howled as wild animals, bit the edge of their shields, and cut down everything they met without discriminating between friend or foe. When this condition ceased, a great dulling of the mind and feebleness followed, which could last for one or several days."

'Like a wild animal... That certainly does sound familiar,' Levi thought, remembering the very first time he had encountered Heidi, during the fall of Shiganshina. The wild, wounded look in that little girl's eyes had been more beast than human.

"There were many who were able to attain this state through the ritual use of drugs or massive amounts of alcohol... but they were all merely the cheap imitations of the natural abilities of a certain clan, the Amundsens," Tollak continued. "Unlike the other berserkers, the source of the Amundsen clan's power was genetic. Once their ability to go berserk was unlocked, they could enter a berserk state through sheer willpower, allowing them to increase their strength and sharpen their senses exponentially. When berserking was outlawed, the berserker warriors were sentenced to outlawry. Over the centuries, all organized berserker war-bands disappeared, until only the Amundsens were left. Unlike the other warriors, who had achieved their berserker powers through artificial means, they couldn't stop so easily. As outlaws, the Amundsens were forced to live and work as mercenaries. They kept to the shadows and were only known among certain circles... That was, until the titans came. With the appearance of such an overwhelmingly invincible enemy, humankind was suddenly in need of its own breed of invincible warriors again.

Before the invention of the 3DMG, the Admundsen berserkers were the only ones strong enough to fight against the titans with any hope of victory, so they began to fight in the open again. Suddenly, the clan of mercenaries was hailed as heroes, and they became famous for their battle prowess and bright red hair, which made them easy to spot on the battlefield. Through many hard fought battles, they eventually discovered that a titan's head wouldn't grow back if they were beheaded at the nape of the neck. But this was easier said than done, and even with their help, humankind was fighting a losing battle. It was around this time when word began to spread that a city with impenetrable walls had been built to serve as a stronghold and safe haven for what was left of humanity. The Amundsen clan then offered their protection in exchange for space to create their own settlement inside the safety of the walls. At first they were well-received, but as time passed, and their popularity and influence with the people grew, the government came to fear their power and became paranoid of the possibility that someday, the Amundsens might think to use their extraordinary strength to carry out a coup. Before that could happen, they decided to put an end to the Amundsens... and the entire clan was slaughtered on the premise of being potential usurpers of the government.

Or so they thought. What they didn't know was that the new bride of one of the men they had killed, a young woman by the name of Lisbeth, was away visiting a sick relative at the time, and she was already pregnant with his child. When she heard the news of what had happened to her husband's family, she quickly removed herself and retreated to live on the outskirts of a small hunting village, where she remained in seclusion with the child even after he was born, out of fear that he would be discovered and killed too if he possessed the ability to go berserk like his father. Since the name of Amundsen was dangerous, she reverted to using her maiden name... 'Trumbauer'. She was my mother, Lisbeth Trumbauer, and your great-grandmother."

"..." Heidi stared at her grandfather with wide eyes. It was a lot to take in. She couldn't believe it... Not the part about being descended from 'berserkers', that part actually made sense after what she had been through. But to think the government would slaughter an entire clan... Heidi's chest tightened at the thought. She clenched her fists. She had no idea their family history was so tragic. It made her heart ache for them.

"Any questions?" Tollak asked calmly, without betraying a hint of emotion.

"... Why didn't you tell me any of this sooner?" she asked, furrowing her brow as she looked at him sadly.

"Because it wasn't necessary," Tollak replied, furrowing his brow as he looked away. The truth was, he had been hoping she would never need to know. "As long as you couldn't remember how your mother died, it wasn't necessary, because that was your trigger. When I heard from Jacob that he had seen you cry tears of blood back then, I knew. That's one of the signs. But he also said that you were knocked out before you could finish, which is why your memory was affected. Because you were defeated in that state, your body decided to protect itself from repeating that danger by sealing away the memory that caused it so it wouldn't happen again. If that seal ever broke, you would have picked up right where you left off. So, we decided to perpetuate the lie your uncle told you to protect you... But there's no need for that now, is there?" he asked, looking back at her.

"... No... I remember everything now," Heidi said sadly, squeezing her eyes shut as tears started to form. "My mother... she sacrificed herself to save me and Jacob from a titan... I saw it all, even though she told me not to stop, to keep going without looking back... I saw my mother as she ran back to stop it, how she stood there and let it eat her... how her strawberry-blonde head disappear into the titan's mouth as it..." She trailed off, biting her lip, as she raised trembling hands to cover her face. "I couldn't save her...!!" she cried. Levi furrowed his brow. It was no wonder this kid was messed up. Tollak stared at her for a moment before reaching out and gently placing a hand on her head. "!" Heidi flinched, startled by such an uncharacteristic display of affection. "A-Are you okay...?" she asked her grandfather as she furrowed her brow in confusion, genuinely concerned for him.

"Geez, you're such an ungrateful child," he told her, pissed off that she had returned his show of good will by gazing up at him as though she thought he was going senile. He should have just hit her.

"Takes one to know one," Heidi retorted smartly, earning herself a chop to the forehead. Ah, there was the strict hard-ass she knew so well. "You know, if you had just told me about what really happened sooner, I would have had more time to get over it before I had to enter battle, and I might not have snapped the way I did. I nearly died, you know."

"No, there was no guarantee that you wouldn't have 'snapped' anyway. Some members of the Amundsen clan would go berserk not only in the heat of battle, but also during laborious work if placed under enough stress. There was a good chance that just hearing about it would have brought back enough of the trauma you experienced back then to make you go berserk... and I didn't have enough confidence to be able to stop you without killing you if you did. Since they have no control over their actions, it isn't uncommon for berserkers to keep fighting until they die. You don't know how lucky you are to have survived for this long after 'awakening' at such a young age," Tollak explained grimly. He wasn't as strong as he used to be. There was an all too real possibility that he would have ended up having to shoot her in order to protect himself and Jacob. "Not everyone in our family could berserk. It's a trait only manifested by a select few even within the Amundsen clan. I can't do it, and neither could your father. There hasn't been a true berserker born into our family since my father's generation. You're the first one in over ninety years," Tollak told Heidi.

'In other words... She's probably the first to be born with this ability since humanity hid behind the walls...' Levi thought, narrowing his eyes slightly. This old geezer was even more ancient than he looked. "Your family history sounds very tragic and all, but if the only surviving adult was an outsider, and you aren't a berserker yourself, then how is it you know all of this? Isn't that a little too convenient?" he asked pointedly, earning himself a sharp look from Erwin, who for some reason seemed to trust the old man implicitly.

"There's nothing convenient about being slaughtered to the verge of extinction," Tollak muttered darkly, shooting Levi a hard glare as he removed an old, thick, and heavy leather-bound book from his satchel. "It was all written down in this. It's a book my father gave to my mother when they realized she was pregnant, a sort of a guide for 'what to expecting when you're expecting a berserker'. She held onto it in case she ever needed it for me, and I held onto for my children," he explained before glancing at Heidi. "I didn't trust your mother with it, because she disagreed with our traditional lifestyle. The two of us never got along. I couldn't risk her throwing it away to spite me." The reason why his daughter-in-law had left in the first place was because she had been afraid that if they raised Heidi the way Odd was raised, then Heidi would end up just like her father, and Lena couldn't bear the thought of losing their daughter, too. "Everything you need to know, all of the remaining knowledge on the Amundsen clan berserkers, is in here," Tollak stated as he handed the old tome over to Erwin. "As promised, in exchange for helping Heidi... I'm handing this over to you and the Survey Corps as a demonstration of goodwill. It contains all of our clan's secrets, including a training method for learning how to enter a controlled berserker state," he said meaningfully, glancing back at his granddaughter.

"Controlled?" Heidi asked, surprised "You mean, there's a way to control it? Come to think of it... in the beginning, it felt like I was having some sort of out-of-body experience, but... halfway through, it was like I was suddenly back inside and back in control... and then it felt like... Um, why are you looking at me like that?" she asked her grandfather when she saw the stunned expression on his face.

"Heidi... Are you saying you were actually able to take control of yourself in the middle of a rampage?" Tollak asked, amazed.

"Come to think of it... When I called out to her, she responded as though she understood," Erwin said thoughtfully.

"The look in her eyes was completely different from the kind of mindless animal you described earlier," Levi added. Unlike during their encounter five years ago, there had been a sharp intelligence shining in those cool and calculating blue eyes as she fought.

"... Did you suddenly feel like you could sense everything going on around you?" Tollak asked. "As if you had become hyper-sensitive to your environment?"

"Yes," Heidi said, a little surprised to hear her experience being described so well, even though she now knew he probably understood much more about whatever had happened to her than she did at the moment. "It was almost like I knew some things were going to happen before they even did. I just had this overwhelming sense of... I can't really describe it as anything other than a feeling of 'knowing exactly what needed to be done.'"

'Knowing exactly what needed to be done... huh?' Levi thought, furrowing his brow slightly. That was a sensation he could relate to. It made him wonder if...

"Like, when that titan tried to swallow me, I immediately realized I'd have a better chance of surviving intact if I didn't try to dodge and just gave the uvula-looking thing at the back of its throat a punch to make it gag," she added, surprising them.

"You mean... that was planned?" Erwin asked, intrigued, as the creases in Levi's brow deepened, and he grimaced in disgust. They thought she had just gotten lucky.

"Well, if I had dodged, I probably wouldn't have been able to get away fast enough without losing an arm or a leg..." Heidi explained a bit sheepishly when she saw the strange looks they were all giving her.

"Hmph," Tollak smirked. "Is that so? I always knew you had what it took to become a true warrior if you tried," he said proudly with a smirk. His granddaughter was a genius.

"You just said you thought I'd have to be killed not one minute ago," Heidi reminded him in a deadpan.

"That was then, and this is now," Tollak said gruffly. "Now, I know you're one of the rare few with the talent for bevissthet berserkergang, which roughly means 'going berserk with awareness'. It's the highest form of berserking, during which you can remove not only your external limits, but your internal limits as well. Unlike the berserkers using the low berserkergang, who lose the ability to reason and fight without discrimination, those using bevissthet berserkergang actually find their awareness heightened to the point where they can not only tell friend from foe again, but they experience a sort of 'super intuition' that allows them to read their opponent's next move before it can happen. If you can master this ability, then you'll be able to fight alongside your allies as a berserker without being a danger to them or yourself. You'll also be able to chose when and where you go berserk for yourself instead of having to rely on outside pressure. And most importantly, you'll also be able to stop yourself."

"Are you willing to undergo the training for this?" Erwin asked Heidi, glancing up from the tome, which he had already started to read. "It appears to be quite harsh." Heidi clenched her fists.

"I'll do it," she stated determinedly. She couldn't continue fighting the way she did when she lost control. She couldn't continue to put those around her in so much danger. "I'll do whatever it takes!" Erwin smiled. That was a good answer.