Thank you all so much for your support! I really appreciate your reviews and follows! And if you're a guest reader, thank you for your continued readership!
Anyways! Let's get back to the chapter!
Chapter 20 (Shizuko)
I smiled as Kisuke sat next to me. We both watched Ichigo from the bottom of the pit, and I was curious about how he was going to get out. What also piqued my curiosity was how my father had come to learn about this technique—I never heard of a way to build someone's spiritual powers back.
"What…" I trailed off, unsure if I could ask him questions. Up until now, we had only spoken about me and a small smattering about him.
He glanced at me and grinned widely, "Go ahead. Ask what you want."
"What made you think of this method?" I stared at the pit, "It's a bit cruel, is it not? If he doesn't make it then he'll become a Hollow."
He nodded, "Yes, I suppose it is cruel if you put it that way. But that's all from your perspective. Think of it from Ichigo's—he'll do anything to save the ones he loves, even if it means that he'd put himself in danger."
"I see," I turned to study him. He was deep in thought and I imagined that we were both thinking along the same lines. He flinched as I asked, "Would you do this for my mother?"
"It's interesting you always pose these questions towards your mother and not yourself," He turned to me. I was taken aback when he reached for my hand and squeezed it tightly, "Yes, I would do anything in my power to save Kumiko. And you."
"You don't know me," I pulled away. I didn't say it to hurt him or to be spiteful. I said it because it was the truth. "You knew my mother for many years—it would make sense if you would do this for her. But me…I'm a stranger. The only thing we have in common is our genes."
He chuckled and stood up, "Our genes are something we have in common, I suppose. But I wouldn't call you a stranger, Shizuko. Far from it."
I tilted my head up and watched him. He was holding his hat down as he peered into the hole. He pushed pebbles down with his cane, smirking as Ichigo swore at him. I blinked but he was still there. I was still here.
"I've always imagined what you would be like," He murmured, "You may not know me, Shizuko, but I feel that I've known you my whole life."
I smiled at the hands clasped tightly in my lap. I understood what he meant. I used to often thought about what my children were going to be like. Not as much as I had before, since it was clear that Jirou and I would never have any.
"Excuse me," I stood up and brushed off my uniform, "I just thought of my husband—I should go call in to see how he's been doing."
He nodded, "I'll be here."
Above ground, I pulled out my communication device and patched into the Seireitei. As I waited for the Squad Twelve operator to plug me through to my house, I looked up at the sky and watched a lone bird fly above me.
"My apologies, Ma'am, but no one answered," The Shinigami responded, "Is there anyone else you would like to call?"
"No…but please send word to Squad Eleven's Fourth-Seat, Kumiko Kuna. I would like to request an earlier return date."
"Yes, Ma'am. I'll be able to give you an update by tomorrow."
"Very well. Thank you," I slid the device back into my uniform. After one more glance around, I turned around to head inside the shop.
Kisuke was in the kitchen with the two children, preparing tea and heating up leftovers from last night. He looked up at me as I walked in, but didn't press as I said nothing. I took a seat at the table in the center of the kitchen, sorting through the racing thoughts in my head.
Jirou didn't just not answer my calls, and that worried me. Anxiety gnawed at my gut, and I was overwhelmed with the distinct feeling that something had gone awfully wrong.
Just as I began to ponder heading back now instead of waiting to hear back from my mother, I felt another presence arrive. Kisuke and I both looked at one another, and headed outside to the front of the shop. There stood a Shinigami from Squad Six, out of breath and looking at me with wide eyes.
All the breath left my lungs as he bowed to me, "Why are you here?"
"Ma'am," The Shinigami bowed deeply. He seemed hesitant to say what he had to, "…Ma'am, it's your husband."
My entire being stiffened. Kisuke glanced at me, hands hovering over me as if he was expecting me to fall.
"Is he dead?" I didn't expect to sound so calm. Inside, I felt dread churning around like I was swept away by a tsunami.
"No, but you must return as quickly as possible to your home—Captain Kuchiki fears that he does not have long."
I turned to Kisuke. He only smiled. I gave his shoulder a squeeze before I followed the Shinigami back to the Soul Society.
Rushing upstairs, I pushed past the family members that were crowded in the hallway. They all stared at me with wide eyes, as if they hadn't expected me to be there. Right outside his bedroom door were the Kuchiki Elders.
"Shizuko," One of the old crones croaked, "You're just in t—"
"Keep your mouth shut," I snapped, "Or I'll have you thrown out."
"Make use of your power while you still have it," She grumbled, "It's about to expire in five minutes."
"Shut the fuck up, old bat," My mother appeared from behind my bedroom door, "My daughter will throw you out of the house, but I'll chuck you down the fucking staircase."
I rushed into the room with my mother hot on my heels. All the air left my lungs as I saw him propped up on his pillows. He was pale, almost blue in color, and looked dazed. Byakuya sat beside him with Jirou's siblings.
"Shizuko," my mother took my shoulders firmly, "You need to say your goodbyes."
"He's fine," I whispered, unable to believe what I was seeing, "He was fine just before I left."
She drew me into her arms briefly, placing a kiss on my forehead. I would never have believed that just hours before, I was in this same position with my father. Kisuke and the World of the Living seemed like it had all happened to another person.
I walked to the bed, not acknowledging anyone. They all cried or mumbling condolences. A few of the siblings who had been talking to Jirou now moved aside so I could sit with him one final time.
"You're here," He grinned widely as I sat beside him. His leg pressed against my hip and he took a deep, shaky breath, "I'm glad. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep my end of the bargain."
"You're so stupid," I whispered, "Am I the only one you think about even when—"
"Always," He answered this very seriously, taking me by surprise, "I couldn't forgive myself if I passed on before you could come home."
I turned my face away and shut my eyes. Every part of my body hurt, like it wasn't just my eyes that were tearing up. I was taking a deep breath when I felt him shuffle closer.
"You can cry, Shizuko. They're family."
I only laughed at this. This man was so oblivious and yet so aware all at once. Leaning over him, I pressed my lips against his. He shut his eyes as if he was savouring my lips. I could have shut my eyes too but I wanted to remember the image of him beneath me like this. This sweet, quiet man who had won me over.
"I said you can cry, Shizuko," He chuckled when I pulled away. His cheeks were flushed and it almost brought back the color to his face.
"Surely that was much better," I grinned and kissed him again, "They're family after all."
He could only smile at me. I lifted my feet off the edge of the bed and curled up next to him. We lay like this for a while, with my head on his chest. I shut my eyes and listened to the patter of his heartbeat. For a moment, I felt it stutter. That small hesitancy in his heart sent shockwaves through my whole body, and I began to cry.
"Jirou," I clasped his face. He smiled weakly and I bowed over him, "No. Please…I…"
"Shizuko," His fingers twitched but he couldn't move his hand. I grabbed it and pressed it against my cheek, shutting my eyes and listening to his soothing voice, "Thank you…for being my wife."
"Nonsense," I was shaking so hard that my teethed chattered, "I was always so selfish. I was so consumed in my own self-pity that I rarely considered you like you considered me. Don't thank me—don't because I don't deserve—"
"Thank you," He whispered again, "Perhaps…you feel that you didn't do enough. But I'm a simple man…who got to marry the most complex and wonderful woman I've…ever met…"
"Jirou," I panicked as his eyes shut. I shook him and he came to again.
"Shizuko, be careful," My mother murmured.
"Jirou…I…" I searched his face for an answer. Pressing my lips to his, I finally said to him, "I love you."
"You do?"
"Yes," I nodded, "I've loved you for so many years now…"
"I love you," He smiled, gazing up at me. His eyes were glossy now, but that smile never faded from his lips, "I love you…Shi…zu…"
It felt like sacrilege to breathe in as he breathed out one final time. Like my lungs were coated in powdered glass. I watched him for several minutes, waiting for him to move or breathe. He didn't.
"Ko…" I bowed my forehead against his, "Shizuko…"
My breath got caught in my throat for a long, painful moment and I clung to him. I didn't have the energy to sob—I could barely move. I was paralyzed with the grief that he left behind. My only thoughts were on not letting him go, even as they tried taking me away.
"Please," I begged but I wasn't sure who to. I wasn't even sure what I was pleading for anymore. Hands were on my shoulders, propping me up as I crumpled, "I…"
"Let's take you to bed." It was my mother's voice. She was holding me up against her. Her face brushed up against mine and I realized that she had been crying too. "You don't want to see his body disappear…Let's go."
"Let her walk," Byakuya's hand was on my shoulder. My mother's hands left me hesitantly and I sank to the ground. "Shizuko."
I shook my head and bowed it against the tops of knees and crying. He said my name again but I didn't want to move. I wanted stay here like this until I rotted away with time.
Finally, Byakuya gripped my face. He was looking at me sternly as I cried loudly. "You need to stop."
"She just lost her husband, Byakuya," my grandmother murmured. I hadn't even realized that she was here.
"The Kuchiki Elders are outside," His fingers grasped my chin and he pulled me toward him, "Shizuko—you need to keep your composure."
His words sobered me. That cranky Elder outside came to mind—she had mentioned that my power was waning. She was right. Now that Jirou was gone, I had no defense. I was an open, unguarded target, and if they saw me breaking then I was finished. This was a moment they would seize without question.
It made me furious. I couldn't grieve for my husband properly because I had to play family politics. It was a sick joke. I looked up at Byakuya and all I could think was that it was because he had been too weak to stop them before. Now I had become the Kuchikis' chew toy.
Byakuya's hands dropped away as I began glaring at him, "Come."
I did, taking the handkerchief he offered me. I wiped my eyes and bowed to Jirou's family. Were they still mine, or had my only connection to them been severed? It was so confusing and made my head spin. I chose not to focus on anything but breathing and walking.
My mother fixed my uniform and hair, "I'm right behind you."
The walk through the crowded hallways felt like an eternity but I could barely remember any of it. I just stared blankly as mine and Jirou's families bowed and passed on their condolences. Byakuya had been at my side, but he felt like a ghost. They all did—as if this was a surreal dream. Would I wake up any moment and realize that my whole life was just a bad dream?
Finally, I made it to my room on the other side of the house. The first thing I did as soon as the door shut was hand Byakuya my zanpakuto. Then I turned to slap him, but my hand hovered just between us. He only watched me as I struggled internally whether to hit him or not.
"Is this what you could have saved me from?" I spat in his face. Again, he said nothing and I stalked away from him and to began to rip off my uniform, "Leave. I need to change."
After I had changed and washed my face, a calmness washed over me. It wasn't peaceful. It was more that so many emotions were tearing my insides up that I couldn't quite settle on one.
I was curled up on my bed, staring at my hands. My wedding ring…would I have to take it off? I knew that no one expected me to do it now but eventually they would. My mother no longer wore hers. Even Byakuya no longer wore Hisana's ring. Right now, I felt like I could never take it off.
Shutting my eyes, I stuffed my face into the blankets and screamed. Why? Why was he the one to leave? I needed him—I was so incredibly selfish but I needed him. It felt like he was the only one who never manipulated me. The one who helped me achieve what I wanted. He wanted me to succeed—not for personal gain but because my happiness brought him happiness.
And now he was gone.
The door shut and I looked up. I hadn't heard it open but now Byakuya was taking a seat in the chair my mother had been in. I didn't even know that she had left after she came to put me to bed.
"Your mother is making you tea," He said, "She wanted me to…"
He didn't finish what he was saying. He could only stare at me while I stared back. His were wide, and his mouth was slightly opened. It was like he was staring at a ghost—which was exactly what I felt like.
"Is this what you feel, Byakuya?" I whispered. He flinched but I could only continue. I couldn't keep these questions inside me anymore to fester, "Do you feel like this everyday? This drowning feeling of despair…this regret…brokenness."
I shut my eyes and felt my breath get stuck in my throat again. I didn't want to breathe right now.
"I loved him," I whimpered. Byakuya only sat quietly while I curled up in a tighter ball, "I was…too scared to admit it until now. I…should have but I didn't. Why?"
"Sometimes our intentions are better conveyed through actions instead of words."
I looked up at Byakuya. He shifted in his seat. "I…I don't know how to breathe right now."
We remained quiet, neither of us speaking. Having kicked away my blankets, I shivered against the cold, night breeze. My eyes were so swollen that I struggled to open them.
Quietly, I reached for the shawl he used when he stayed in my bed. It was baggy and tan and smelt like him. Drawing it close, I felt my calmness break again, "This can't be happening…"
He moved out of his seat just as my chest jolted. I gasped but my throat constricted tightly, keeping any air from traveling to and from my lungs. I stiffened, fear striking me deep throughout my entire body. My entire being prickled with it.
"Breathe," He gathered me in his arms, "You can breathe, Shizuko."
I shook my head and I croaked. Everything was fuzzy as I lay limply against him. I felt so helpless—so out of control. If this is what it felt like to lose someone you loved then I regretted falling in love with Jirou. I should have stood firm and not fallen for anyone.
"It's okay," Byakuya's hand was rubbing my back, coaxing my lungs to remember what it was like to not strangle themselves. "Shizuko."
"I can't do this," I whispered after I gasped a lungful of air. I buried my face in his clothes, because I would only scream if I looked at him. "Byakuya…"
"You will because you have to," He answered, "It's hard now but it becomes easier. You may not want it to but it will."
"I…I hate you," I shut my eyes and pulled away. "I hate all of you…so much."
"Shizuko," His hands cupped my face and pulled me towards him again. I opened my eyes and he spoke quietly, "If you need to cry then cry."
It was all the encouragement I needed. Clinging tightly to his haori, I sobbed until I passed out. When I woke up, he was gone and I was wrapped up tightly in blankets with my mother beside me.
