Chapter 19: Promise


"I... I know that I'm still alive only because I'm here... And I also know that I'm a potential enemy to humanity..." Eren said gloomily as he sat at the bottom of the steps leading down into the dungeon, waiting with Heidi and Levi until the others were ready for him. "It's just... Until the moment they all turned hostile towards me, I didn't realize... just how much everyone distrusted me."

"..." Heidi furrowed her brow slightly as she watched him with a frown. Poor Eren. He was taking it really hard...

"Damn right, they don't... That's why I chose them," Levi stated matter-of-factly.

"...!" Eren said, surprised.

"Petra Ral: 10 solo kills, 48 kill assists. Oruo Bossard: 39 solo kills, 9 kill assists. Erd Gin: 14 solo kills, 32 kill assists. Gunther Schultz: 7 solo kills, 40 kill assists," Levi said, reciting the stats from their records. "'Come back home alive, and you're a full-fledged member,' is the common view in the Survey Corps... But those guys have managed to live through hell not one, but countless times, and it's bore its fruit. They've learned how to survive. When facing a titan, you can never know enough. No matter how thorough your planning is, lots of situations you can't make heads or tail of will come up anyway. You find yourself in a situation where no amount of thinking will do you any good. When that happens, your best chance is your speed... and fast, firm actions based on your prediction of the worst-case scenario," he explained calmly. "Still, that doesn't mean they've turned into a heartless mob. It's impossible not to feel anything when we point our swords at you. But... don't expect them to regret it," he concluded, glancing down at the two kids sitting on the step.

"..." Eren said as he and Heidi both looked up at him in something akin to awe. Heidi wasn't that surprised by most of what he had said, but she appreciated hearing it directly from him.

"Captain Levi..." Moblit called from the top of the stairs, getting their attention. "Squad Leader is asking for you."

"Took that four-eyed annoyance long enough..." Levi muttered as he stopped leaning against the wall and stepped around Heidi and Eren. "Hey, let's go," he told them, marching up the stairs.

"Yes, sir!" Heidi and Eren said, immediately jumping up to follow him.

"What, were you enjoying a long sweet dump or something?" Levi asked Hange bluntly as they entered the room where everyone else was waiting for them.

'For a clean-freak, Captain has a really dirty mouth...' Heidi thought wryly, sweat-dropping.

"Well, that too, but... mostly I got held up explaining what happened to our superiors," the odd squad leader replied, nonplussed. "Anyway, Eren, take a look at this," Hange said, placing a small bundle on the table, unwrapping it to reveal a little spoon.

"A teaspoon?" Eren asked, surprised.

'Ah, that's...' Heidi thought, eyes widening slightly as she recognized it.

"That's right," Hange said. "That right titan hand you sprouted was gripping it. You were holding it like this, between the thumb and the index finger," Hange explained, reaching out and picking it up to demonstrate.

"... Huh?" Eren said, surprised. Why would...?

"Well, I can see from the look on Heidi's face that she already knows where I'm going with this, but... I find it hard to believe a grasp like this could be a coincidence. Add to that the fact that for some reason there's no visible signs of damage from heat or excessive force... Any thoughts as to why?" Hange asked Eren.

"Ah!" Eren gasped as his eyes widened slightly in realization. "I remember bending over to pick it up... and I transformed right after that."

"... I see..." Hange said, looking down at the spoon. It was just as suspected. "That's probably the reason why you couldn't transform while in the well..."

"So you think that too, Squad Leader Hange...?" Heidi asked with a knowing look in her eyes.

"...?" Eren said, glancing between the two of them.

"Yes. 'I must kill the titans.' 'I need to defend against that cannon.' 'I must lift that rock.' In all the cases where you successfully transformed, you had a clear objective in your mind before you tried to change. It's likely that self-harm is not the only trigger... You might not be able to do it without having a specific purpose," Hange concluded.

"!" Eren said, glancing at Heidi. It was just like she had suggested earlier. "I agree that the current case resembles the time when I needed to defend against the cannon ball... But still...!" he said, looking at his healed hand as a bead of nervous sweat rolled down the side if his face. "I transformed into a titan just to pick up a spoon...? That's messed up..."

"... Maybe it was a delayed reaction," Heidi suggested. "You had already fulfilled the requirement for 'self-harm', so the moment you had a clear goal in mind, your body reacted by changing..."

"Mm. That sounds like a possibility," Hange agreed. 'As expected, I can't bring myself to think that this is a natural phenomenon,' Hange thought. Heidi's ability to go berserk was one thing, since it was essentially just an evolutionary enhancement on when the average human experienced a rush of adrenaline in an emergency situation, but Eren's ability involved transforming into something else entirely. 'It looks more like there's some kind of purpose at work, a tool-like quality...But if that's the case... then what about the titans who exist only to eat humans? Who benefits from them? I was too naïve... I want to reconsider my view on the way he returns to the human form as well. But there's no time for that before the next expedition now that we'll be starting the group formation training soon...'

"In other words... you didn't break the rules about transforming on purpose, right?" Gunther asked Eren.

"... Right," Eren answered a bit nervously, glad they were starting to believe him. Gunther let out a sigh and exchanged a glance with the rest of his squad-mates. They all nodded in silent agreement. They each raised one of their hands and bit down hard enough to break the skin.

"Huh!?" Hange gasped, taken aback, while Heidi's eyes widened in surprise.

"Wait... What are you all doing!?" Eren asked, alarmed. Heidi noted that Levi didn't look at all surprised.

"Ow..." Gunther said, wincing, as he stared down at his injured hand.

"Man, that hurts..." Erd said, furrowing his brow as he cradled his. "Eren... you bit your hands like this repeatedly despite the pain, didn't you?" He didn't know how he could stand to bite it off.

"We misjudged you... This is our small way of apologizing, for what it's worth," Gunther explained. "We agreed upon this earlier, so..."

"Eh?" Eren said, surprised.

"But it's our job to keep you in check! That still stands!" Oruo added a bit defiantly, looking rather pale as he suppressed the urge to grimace at the pain he was in. They weren't wrong about doing their job! "So don't get cocky, you brat!"

"I'm sorry, Eren," Petra apologized. "You must be disappointed in us for being afraid and acting like fools..." Despite being so much greener, even a rookie like Heidi had displayed better judgment than them. They should have listened to the captain when he told them to back off. "But... But even so... One person alone can't do much. That's why we act as an organization," she continued determinedly. "We rely on you... And I hope you'll rely on us. We'd like for you to be able to trust us."

—∞—

A few days later, everyone was busy getting ready for and helping out with the recruitment solicitation ceremony, where each branch would give a speech to invite the graduating trainees to join them. For some reason Erwin wanted Heidi and Eren to hear the recruitment speech he would be giving to the rest of their graduating class in Trost, even though they had technically already joined their ranks. It also happened to be the day the Military Police had said they would release the details of the investigation they had been conducting on the case of Sawney and Bean's deaths.

"So in the end, I guess they didn't find any soldiers who used the 3DMG without authorization," Gunther said while they waited backstage for the event to start, having just heard the news that the case had simply been dropped without any definitive results. "Who the hell did it, then...?"

"I have no idea..." Erd said. "To tell the truth, I'm more worried about the recruitment ceremony at the moment. I wonder how many crazy new recruits we'll get."

"Hey, Eren, is there anyone from your training group planning to join us?" Gunther asked curiously.

"Yes, there is," Eren answered. "Or rather, there were..." he corrected himself, looking down as he remembered how positive everyone in his group had been while they were cleaning the canons before the attack on Trost. "I don't know how they feel about it now..." It suddenly occurred to him that a few people were missing from their group. "Um, where are Captain Levi and Heidi...?" he asked, glancing around. Petra was gone, too...

"Captain is discussing something with the Commander," Petra said as she and Oruo rejoined them. "And Heidi had some visitors," she added with a smile.

—∞—

"Jacob~!" Heidi squealed with delight as she threw her arms around her younger cousin, glomping him so hard in her excitement that she nearly knocked him over. "Look at you! You're almost as tall as me, now!" He really shot up over the last three years. She couldn't believe it had been so long since they last met.

"She says that like it's some huge accomplishment..." Tollak muttered under his breath. He had never gotten over the fact that Heidi had inherited her mother's tiny stature instead of the above average height associated with his side of the family. "I let him come along this time because I knew you'd want to see him, but this isn't just a social call, Heidi," he said strictly, letting her know this was serious business.

"Ah, I had a feeling you'd say that..." Heidi said, a little disappointed to have her fun cut short. But she didn't think Commander Erwin would have let them have a room to themselves if it wasn't something important.

"Please listen to him, Heidi. This is really serious..." Jacob said urgently with worried look on his face.

"While cleaning up the other day, I found a page that had come loose from the book on berserkergang. It contained some startling information," Tollak stated grimly. "Apparently, over the course of their studies, our Amundsen ancestors came to realize that using the berserkergang came with a heavy price. The members of the Amundsens who never went berserk typically had very long lifespans and appeared to age slower in comparison to average humans... However, those rare few who could go berserk and survived to die of natural causes... often passed away much sooner." The author had gone into a very detailed scientific explanation on why going berserk was so hard on the body. The human body normally only used just under 40% of its full potential, but entering berserkergang temporarily removed that limit, increasing the body's productivity by 50%. However, that limit of 40% existed to protect the human body. Too much exertion of force could destroy the body, especially when used repeatedly throughout the years. "In short, you can't get something from nothing. Every time you use berserkergang, you're shortening your own life," Tollak stated gravely as he finished summing it up for her. Heidi's eyes widened.

"I see..." she said quietly as a bead of nervous sweat rolled down the side of her face. "... Have you told anyone else about this?"

"No, just you," Tollak answered with a grim expression on his face. He had told Erwin that he needed to speak with his granddaughter because there was something he had forgotten to tell her, but he hadn't gone into any details.

"Good," she said tensely. "I'd like to keep it that way." It was bad enough that Jacob knew... Everyone else had enough on their plates to worry about already.

"B-But...!" Jacob started to protest worriedly.

"Don't worry," Heidi told him, placing a hand on his head. "I'll be more careful from now on," she promised, giving him a reassuring smile.

"It's time," Levi stated firmly as he opened the door.

"Yes, sir," Heidi answered dutifully, embracing her cousin and grandfather as she whispered goodbye before leaving them again. Levi furrowed his brow as they walked back to join the others, frowning as he remembered the disturbing news he happened to overhear when he came to retrieve her.

"Heidi... From now on, you aren't to enter a berserk state unless it's a matter of life or death," he said firmly, causing her to glance up at him in surprise. "That's an order."

"Yes, sir..." she answered obediently, wondering if he had overheard. Either way, she way she was grateful to him. Now she could keep her promise.