Previously:

"Eren!" Mikasa gasped, relieved to see him again, but concerned that he didn't seem to be moving.

"How is he?" Heidi asked.

"He's probably okay. He's alive, but a mess..." Levi answered. "Don't go after her. We're retreating," he added, focusing particularly on Mikasa since she seemed to have a hard time following orders. "Don't lose sight of the true goal of the mission. Or will you put your personal feelings first? Isn't he your precious friend?" he asked her as he turned to leave.

"I'm not…" Mikasa said quietly. "I'm his..."

"Come on, Mikasa!" Heidi said, grabbing her arm to pull her forward with her. They needed to get away before the female titan regenerated. Levi glanced back at the girls to make sure they were following, and his eyes widened slightly at what he saw. Curious, Heidi furrowed her brow and followed his gaze.

"!" Heidi gasped, shocked when she looked back and saw that the female titan had tears streaming down her face. That skinless face… Those eyes… she had tried to ignore it while they were fighting, but she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something familiar about them. And the way she had moved… Heidi's subconscious confirmed her suspicions when she felt tears threatening to form in her own eyes, and her heart clenched at the sight as though she was watching a friend cry. 'What…?'


Chapter 25: The Defeated


The Survey Corps had retreated from the giant forest to regroup on open ground away from the titans that had gathered there. After rescuing Eren and rejoining the ranks, Heidi had finally managed to come back out of her berserkergang and wandered around in a daze. She had a feeling she was in shock, only registering the bare minimum of information from her surroundings with dulled senses. Her body felt sluggish, as if she were wading through water. Just as it occurred to her that she should probably take more recovery pills, something penetrated the fog that had settled over her and made her stop short in her tracks.

Heidi stared down at the wrapped up corpses of her dead comrades. She wondered who had retrieved them. It seemed like it would have been too dangerous with the female titan still lurking around that area, but here they were. A strong but feminine hand with a faded bite mark was sticking out from one of the bundles. Petra. She couldn't see any other easily identified traits sticking out from the wrappings on the others, but she knew from that, that she must be looking at the rest of Squad Levi. She was the only one left. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes. If she had been with them, would the outcome have been any different? Would more of them have survived? She doubted it. Petra, Oruo, Gunther, Erd… they were all veterans with far more experience than her. Going berserk might make her stronger and faster, but it couldn't give her that. If she hadn't known what they learned trying to attack the female titan while she was restrained, she probably would have underestimated her and been wiped out along with the rest of them. Still, she couldn't help feeling as if she should have done more somehow. It seemed so unfair that they should all die, when she survived. But life wasn't fair. It never was, for anyone. No one was special, no exceptions; that was probably the only thing 'fair' about it. It was simply as cruel and indifferent as ever. She heard a shuffling sound and looked around to see that Levi was limping towards them.

"Captain..." Heidi didn't know what to say. She couldn't even begin to imagine how he must be feeling, but she knew it must be worse for him, having known them for so much longer.

"This isn't over," he told her, keeping his eyes on the bloodstained wrappings that covered his squad. While his own expression remained stoic, her heartache showed very clearly through the pain in her eyes. Amidst all this death, he couldn't stand to see her face like that. Even though he should be used to losing people by now, he felt their loss just as deeply. Seeing that grief and guilt reflected on her young face only made it that much worse. "Save the tears for after we've returned."

Heidi knew he was right. She quickly blinked them away, before they had a chance to fall. She wasn't the only one who was hurting, and the danger hadn't passed yet. Even if the female titan didn't come for them again, they still had the ordinary titans roaming around to worry about. They wouldn't be 'safe' until they were back inside the walls. 'When we get back… I need to talk to the others about that...' she thought, frowning at the memory of the uneasy feeling she had upon seeing the female titan's tears. She needed to see if the rest of her cadet class had seen or heard anything that could confirm her suspicions. If she was right, then they would know the enemy's identity… but part of her still hoped that she was wrong. Her dark thoughts were interrupted when she felt his warm hand on her head. It was comforting.

"Don't forget to take your medicine," he reminded her when she looked at him, his eyes still trained on the fallen as he withdrew his hand and lowered himself to kneel on the ground beside them. She watched him part the wrappings around Petra enough to expose the Survey Corps badge sewn onto her jacket, Heidi decided to give him some privacy, and moved away to take her next dose of recovery pills. Hopefully that would help put the edge back on her dulled mind. At the moment, her brain seemed to be moving at a snail's pace to her. She needed to be able to think and react fast if another emergency came up before they reached the wall.

Levi watched her go out the corner of his eye and then turned his attention back to the task before him. He was concerned, but with her talent for bouncing back, he thought Heidi would be all right, once she had a chance to sort herself out. He gripped the sturdy material of the jacket in one hand and carefully and respectfully ripped the winged badge off with the other.

"Sasha..." Heidi said quietly, talking to herself. Not just her, but Armin and the others as well. She suddenly felt the strong need to find her other friends and confirm their safety. Part of her was afraid she might not see them standing among the living, but she was relieved by what she found as her eyes scanned her surroundings again. Armin and Jean were helping to load some of the bodies into a wagon. Sasha and Connie were feeding their horses together. Bertolt and Reiner were talking quietly about something together. Ymir was reluctantly helping Krista attend to some of the wounded by handing her clean bandages. They all appeared to be in one piece. Their expressions were grim and grave, probably the same as the one she was wearing herself. Many of the veterans hadn't been so lucky. Heidi's throat felt dry. She couldn't swallow the last three pills. She slowly rejoined Mikasa at Eren's wagon and borrowed some water.

"What is that?" Mikasa asked, watching her swallow one pill after the other.

"Medicine," Heidi replied after she finished taking the last one.

"For what?" Mikasa questioned. Heidi didn't look sick to her. Tired and grim, but not sick. She had always been the healthiest in their group during training.

"A condition I developed the day the wall broke in Trost," Heidi answered. That was mostly true. "I'll explain more later. Don't worry, it shouldn't get in the way of protecting Eren." In fact, she was already gradually beginning to feel a bit better, physically. It was becoming easier to focus again and the sluggish feeling was fading from her limbs. She really needed to do something special for Jacob to thank him. His more practical version of the family remedy was a lifesaver. She looked off at the horizon in the direction of home. The light was changing. The sun was beginning to set.

—∞—

"We're almost done," a Survey Corps member in charge of collecting the dead reported to Erwin, who was standing near one of the assigned lookouts. "We were unable to recover about five bodies."

"Not even parts of them?" the commander asked looking at the list that was handed to him.

"We got back all except the ones the titans devoured," the corpsman explained, a bead of sweat on the side of his face. He felt sick just thinking about it. "I think it'd be best for the families if we didn't bring them back that way."

That seemed understandable to Erwin. Sometimes it was better not to know. "Classify them as 'missing in action'." It was the same classification assigned to his old squad leader. He glanced at Heidi out the corner of his eye. Her bright red hair made her easy to find. Odd's daughter appeared to be pulling her weight so far. She seemed to be a chip off the old block. Hopefully she would meet a better end.

"Yes, sir. We confirmed several titans in the vicinity of the forest, but none of them are headed this way."

"We'll move out immediately," Erwin ordered, handing back the clipboard. "Pass that on to the rest of the squad." He was stopped by an angry shout.

"I can't take this, Commander Erwin!" one of the younger soldiers shouted.

"Hey, you!" the older solider tried to scold him as Erwin turned back to face them.

"We should retrieve their bodies!" the blonde protester continued adamantly, while his brunette friend standing next to him silently backed him up. "Ivan's body was right in front of us!"

"There was a titan next to his body!" the collector reminded him. "We'd have risked more causalities!"

"If it attacks, we should kill it!" the blonde argued angrily.

"Ivan and I grew up in the same village," his quieter friend spoke up anxiously. "We've been friends since we were kids! I knew his parents too. At least let me bring him home!"

"Don't be selfish!" the collector scolded them.

"You guys are like kids," Levi said sternly. They all turned to see him standing next to the lookout with his hand on his hip, wearing an extremely unimpressed expression. His disapproval was written clearly on his face. "If you can confirm that he died, that should be sufficient. Whether you have his body or not, the fact is, he's dead. It changes nothing."

"But that's..." the brunette troublemaker said dejectedly as their expressions fell.

"We will classify Ivan and the others as 'missing in action'," Erwin declared firmly. "It's settled. Let it go."

"Don't the two of you..." the blonde said shakily, watching as the commander and Levi turned to leave, his voice rising to a furious yell, "have any human feelings?!"

"Hey, Dieter! Watch your tongue!" the collector scolded him again.

"Tch!" Dieter clenched his jaw in frustration as he glared at the backs of his cold-hearted superior officers.

"..." Heidi stared at the scene from her place by the wagon. They were so loud that she could hear them clearly all the way over there even without enhanced hearing. "Mikasa… just in case… If I happen to die before you, please remember that I'm perfectly fine with my corpse being left out here."

"… Is that really all right with you?" Mikasa said, frowning slightly.

"It's fine," Heidi confirmed calmly. "After all, the rest of my family is still out here."

—∞—

The golden sunlight was deepening to a rosy glow as what remained of the formation made its way back to wall Rose. Heidi rode in the back of the wagon with Eren, while Mikasa rode alongside them on her horse. They hadn't been able to find her a spare. It seemed a large number of horses that used to belong to the dead had run off and never returned. Heidi couldn't say she blamed them, especially when thinking of the terrible fate of her own horse. The poor animals were only in danger from the titans because they were with them. She felt the wagon jump as if it had hit a bump, but she didn't see a clear cause for it.

But someone else at the back of the formation did. One of the men in another wagon over gasped in alarm at what followed them.

"Titans!" the man yelled to alert everyone, standing up. As the figures drew closer, they could see them more clearly.

"That's…!" the collector from before exclaimed, also standing up in his surprise. It was the same two from before! They had gone back for their friend's body. "Dieter! That fool…!" The collector raised his flare gun and fired red smoke to signal the danger to the rest of the formation.

"The rear flank has spotted titans!" another scout further up announced upon seeing it.

"Move out! Full speed!" Erwin ordered after sparing a quick glance back.

"There aren't any tall trees or buildings in sight. We won't be able to fight our way," Levi said, quickly assessing the situation beside him.

"It'd be faster to make a run for the wall," Erwin concluded.

"Tch!" Levi furrowed his brow and guided his horse to fall back so he could relay the ordered.

'What are those idiots doing?!' Heidi thought, furrowing her brow with concern. Did they really not understand the danger they were putting everyone in?

"!" Dieter gasped as he had to duck when one of the titans took a swipe at him. "Haa!" he cried when the sudden movement caused Ivan's body to fall from behind him and hit the ground. Before he even had time to think, he was startled to hear his other friend cry out in fear and turned his head just in time to see him being grabbed by the same titan, snatched right off his horse. "Ah!" Dieter gritted his teeth and drew his swords as he leaped from his own horse to try to save him.

Meanwhile, the other titan kept running straight on, aiming for the main formation, the larger cluster of humans.

"We have to do something or they'll catch us!" Armin said urgently, watching with Jean as the scouts in the rear wagons quickly prepared to fight as soon as it came within range.

"Is engaging them the only option we have?!" Jean asked anxiously.

"Our 3DMG have limited use on flat land," Armin replied grimly. "And they'll just keep on coming."

"Then what should we do?!" Jean asked/demanded. Armin stared hard at the corpse-filled wagons.

"We can..." Armin gritted his teeth, unable to bring himself to say it right away.

"YAAAHHH!!" Dieter screamed as he was snatched out of the air by the titan he was fighting.

Fortunately for him, Mikasa was already riding up on her horse to aid him. She launched herself from the saddle and killed her prey with a swift attack. The dead titan hit the ground, loosening its grip on Dieter, who was able to crawl out. He was holding his shoulder and looked extremely shaken, but he was alive and could walk on his own two feet.

'That's good, but this one is still getting closer…!' Heidi thought, furrowing her brow as she watched the second titan gain on the rear of the formation, dangerously close.

"It's gaining on us!" two men cried from the wagon closest to it.

The crease in Heidi's brow deepened as she drew her blades and put one foot on the side of her wagon, about to step up when a familiar voice stopped her.

"Don't even think about it!" Levi ordered her firmly, shooting her such a sharp glare that she immediately stepped back down on instinct.

"But, you're injured!" she argued. "If you give me a ride, I—"

"I said 'no'! Sit your ass back down and stay with Eren," he told her sternly, pissed off that she would even think to try something as stupid as jumping from the wagon to run back and attack from the ground. The idiot brat could probably do it at her full strength, but she was tired and it was an unnecessary risk. "You too!" he called out to the two men in the back wagon as he fell in beside them when they also began to prepare to fight. "Dump the bodies instead, or it'll catch up to you."

"B-But!" one of the men argued.

"There were hundreds of dead we weren't able to bring home before," he told them calmly. "Nothing makes those any more special." The man stared at him, stunned. Heidi frowned at those heartbreaking words, thinking of all the others who never made it home. She may be all right with the possibility of being left out there in the worst case scenario, but others… She suddenly recalled the far memory of her mother crying because they had no body to bury for her father.

"You'd do that?!" the second man in the wagon asked anxiously, shielding their dead comrades with his own body. "You'd really do that?!" The crease in Levi's brow deepened with frustration when the first man hesitated. Heidi bit her lip.

"Do it," she called. Jean and Armin looked at her when they heard it. "You can't hurt them anymore. Funerals are more for the living than the dead anyway. We can't bring them home for burial if we're dead too!"

"!" the two men in the wagon gasped.

"What is she..." Jean began to say in disbelief.

"Heidi's father... never came home from his last expedition either," Armin said solemnly. Whatever Jean had been about to say died in his throat. He had forgotten that. The first man looked from her to the ever nearing titan. He gritted his teeth in frustration.

"We have to!" he shouted with grim determination, throwing the back of the wagon open.

"Aah!" the second man cried as the first body fell. But he gritted his teeth and began helping anyway with tears streaming down his cheeks. Heidi was finding it difficult not to cry too, thinking about the families that were waiting for loved ones who would never come, but she managed it somehow, even when Petra was rolled out and her wrapping loosened just enough to give them a flash of her bloodstained face one last time.

"Goodbye," Heidi whispered sadly, too soft to be heard above the wind. She saw the look on the captain's face after it happened and finally sat back down.

"It's working!" the men in the wagon shouted. "Full speed ahead!"

Heidi watched in mournful silence while the bodies faded away from sight as the distance grew between them. They would never be seen again.

—∞—

They rode on at top speed until the titans had disappeared from view again and they were closer to the wall and finally felt it was safe to stop for a moment to regroup and get their bearings.

"Confirm your positions and move out immediately! Keep your guard up!"

"We'll need to adjust our course a bit to the east."

They were safe, but at a cost. Dieter stood alone, staring out into the distance. He had lost another friend, one who could have been safe if they hadn't ignored their orders. He understood now what his superiors had been trying to tell him. He really was a fool. He was pulled back to reality when he heard the loud whiney of a horse and turned to see Captain Levi pulling his horse up to a stop beside him. He wondered what kind of reprimand he was going to get now. He surely deserved one after everything he had done. He watched quietly as Levi dismounted and retrieved something from a pocket under his cloak.

"Captain Levi! I..." Dieter said, bowing his head in shame. He raised his head when the captain stepped closer.

"This is proof they lived… to me," Levi told him, placing one of the badges he had collected in his hands. "It belonged to Ivan." Tears welled up in Dieter's eyes and his lip trembled as he stared down at the only memento he had left of his friends. Tears streamed down his face. He was at a loss for words, completely humbled by the unexpected kindness.

"Captain…!"

Heidi watched while Levi mounted his horse again with a sad smile and an odd mix of feelings. She was touched by the captain's kindness. And sad for him. She felt for him. She knew that couldn't have been Ivan's badge. There was no opportunity for him or anyone else to have retrieved it. The captain had given up a badge from one of his own squad members along with a comforting lie to the person he thought needed it most. He didn't have to do that, but he did. She had already seen glimpses of his own brand of awkward kindness during their training. The way he was so paradoxically careful when beating the living daylights out of her, causing immense short-term pain while taking care not to inflict long-term damage. Letting her prune the bushes outside the old HQ to look like her Grandpa's goats when she felt homesick. He could be scary and unquestionably violent, but he never asked anyone to do anything he wouldn't do himself. He genuinely cared for his subordinates, even when he was hard on them. He was hard on them because he cared. She was proud to serve under him. The order to move out came again. Heidi looked down at Eren as their wagon began to roll forward again. Despite everything, she felt they were lucky to end up with these people and their strict captain watching over them.

—∞—

Eren's eyes shot open. He was surprised to find himself lying on his back in a wagon. Between the rattling of the cart and the sound of the horses' hooves beating against the ground, it was a wonder he could sleep at all.

"Oh… you're awake," Heidi said, noticing the change.

"…? Huh…?" Eren said, wondering what was going on and how he had gotten there.

"Mikasa, Eren—" Heidi started to say, making their friend immediately snap her head to the side to look at them.

"Eren!!" Mikasa exclaimed with a mix of relief and concern.

"Mikasa?!" Eren said, surprised to see her there. "What happened to the female titan?!" he asked them.

"..." the two girls exchanged furtive glances with each other. How should they tell him?

"… She got away," Mikasa said.

"How…? The others..." Eren looked at Heidi. "What did they… the mission…?"

"… The others are gone,' Heidi said as gently as possible. "We failed."

"Where… Where were you?!" Eren asked her. "Where were you when we needed you?!"

"I was ordered to stay behind to help, but... she got away from us..." Heidi replied, wishing he wouldn't look at her like that. She blamed herself enough already without him adding to it.

"Just lie still for a while..." Mikasa told him, trying to calm him down. Eren looked at her with wide eyes. He suddenly realized she wasn't wearing her cloak and someone had laid theirs over him.

"What is this?" Eren asked, propping himself up a little, looking at the cloak. "Did you save me again?" he asked Mikasa.

"..." Mikasa tugged her scarf up to cover her chin. She didn't know how to answer that. Yes, she had tried to help, but then she had also gotten in the way.

"Yes, she did," Heidi answered him. Eren looked like she had slapped him in the face.

"We're getting… close to the wall..." Mikasa said, looking forward.

"Huh…?" Eren said. Mikasa was right. The wall loomed over them. They were just outside the first abandoned settlement that they had passed through on the way in. When did that happen?

—∞—

In the town on the other side of the wall, they were ringing the bell to signal their return.

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

They opened the gate, and what was left of the Survey Corps marched back inside. People lined the streets and leaned out of windows to get a look at them.

"Come on! Move! I can't see!" A little girl complained, but the adults in front of her paid no mind.

"Ellie!" a boy said, getting her attention. She looked over to see that he was standing by a ladder leaning up against the building next to them. "Let's climb up here!"

Eren and Heidi rode silently in the wagon, while Mikasa continued to ride alongside them on her horse. They could hear the crowds talking about them as they passed.

"They made such a fuss going out this morning… and here they are, back in time for lunch!" one man said.

"What did they even bother going out for?" asked another.

"Who knows…?"

"Yeah, but… judging by their pouty looks… they at least succeed in throwin' our taxes down the drain!"

Eren trembled as he struggled to sit up, glaring at the men.

"Eren!" Mikasa said.

"Don't..." Heidi started to say when she saw the two children on the ladder.

"!" Mikasa and Eren spotted them too. Looking at their innocent faces, they were each reminded of themselves at that age, when they used to watch the soldiers too.

"Ah!" the boy said, lighting up when he made eye contact with Eren. Eren quickly looked away. "They are so cool!!" the boy cheered. "So this is the Survey Corps!! No matter how badly the get beaten, they always keep fighting!!" Eren remembered how he used to say stuff like that while dragging Mikasa along when they were younger. They had no idea how the reality was. No one was smiling. All of the rookies wore dismal expressions of depression or guilt. Any argument Eren was going to make died in his throat.

"Captain Levi, sir!!" a man called from the crowd as he came running forward to walk beside him. "Thank you for taking good care of my daughter! I'm Petra's father!"

'No...' Heidi thought, eyes widening as she couldn't help staring. 'No, please...'

"There's something I'd like to discuss with you before I find her..." Petra's father said as he smiled wryly and held up an envelope, sweating a little nervously. "My daughter sent me this letter, see… She wrote that you're counting on her skill and that she's working directly under your command now… She says she intends to devote herself to you completely or something like that…"

'Please don't…!' Heidi thought anxiously, pitying the poor man, as she watched Levi's back, biting her lip.

"Well… that was her pride talking, but she doesn't understand how worried that makes me! Hahaha..."

'Stop it…!!' she pleaded desperately.

"Um… I mean… as her father… I think it's still too early to get her married up… She's still young, after all, and who knows what's going to happen in the days ahead..." Mr. Ral said nervously, trying to read the unfathomable expression on Levi's face. The man had no idea his daughter was dead, and Levi had no idea how he was going to tell him. Petra was never coming back. Heidi hugged her knees and hid her face as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Commander Erwin!! Did you accomplish anything to make up for the casualties this time!?" someone shouted.

"Aren't you sorry for getting all those soldiers killed?!" someone else added. Erwin continued to walk straight ahead without turning his head to look in their direction. "Answer me!!" Eren covered his face with his arm to hide his own tears.

—∞—

The vast expenditure of resources and lives in the expedition beyond the wall dealt a serious blow to the Survey Corps, eroding their public and political support. Erwin and the other leaders were summoned to the royal capital. They were ordered to turn Eren over to the Military Police.