don't let go

one shot

After trying to grab Julie's hand that day when they left his parents', Luke decided to go clear his head. It was hard wanting someone and not really being able to have them, fully. He went for a walk around town until the sun went all the way down.

Eventually he decided maybe he should poof back home and stop wallowing in misery because the girl he was falling for had "a beating heart" and "air in her lungs." Like that stuff even mattered.

All that mattered to Luke was that they felt the same way towards each other, and they had the same passions. But Good Lord he wanted to touch her so bad.

He decided that he would let his heart do the leading when he wanted to poof back. He closed his eyes and said, "Take me where my heart wants to be."

When Luke opened his eyes, he was in a dark room in a bed. Moonlight shown behind him through a window.

Julie's room. Figures.

Luke got under the blankets and cuddled up to the pillow under his head. He didn't sleep since he was a ghost, but being comfortable was still very relaxing.

Luke looked up to see the door opening in front of him and a small curly haired Latina walked through. Ah of course, it was his small curly haired Latina, because alas, this was her room and her bed.

She turned to close the door and turned back and saw him.

"Luke? Are you okay? What are you doing in here? I haven't seen you all day."

"Hey Jules."

Julie crossed over to the bed and crawled in next to him.

"What's wrong Luke?"

Luke didn't know what to say. The truth? His feelings? Everything that didn't matter because he was gonna either cross over or cease to exist soon? Yeah he would just go with that.

"I just… I was just thinking about things that's all."

"Thinking about what things Luke?"

Well damn she really wasn't gonna let him be vague tonight. He was trying to push back so that he didn't get weepy and upset but she wasn't going to let that fly. So, he just went with the truth.

"I was thinking about us Julie. Me and you."

"Oh. What about us?"

"About today, when I tried to grab your hand but couldn't. That broke my heart. Julie I would give anything just to touch you even just once before I cross over."

Julie paused and looked over Luke's face with concern and dismay. She was upset and Luke could tell just by her eyes she felt the exact same way.

"I want to touch you too Luke. I want to be able to grab your hand and your face and hug you and…"

"And…?"

"And kiss you."

Luke smiled but it quickly faded back to concern because he couldn't kiss her like she wanted him to. Like he wanted to.

"I don't understand it Julie. Alex and Me and Reggie, we can all move things around if we really try but, we can't touch lifers. Even you, the one lifer who can see us at all times, we can't touch."

"Yeah it-it sucks a lot."

They paused and Luke realized he had completely skipped over the fact that Julie wanted to kiss him.

"Julie, I want to hug you and hold you and kiss you too."

She smiled.

"I want to do all of that so, so, so badly, Jules."

"... Maybe we could try?"

"How?"

"Well like how Willie taught Alex, focus all your energy into your hands."

Luke thought about this for a moment and decided it was worth a shot. If he had any slight chance at being able to hold Julie, he would take it.

"Okay, let's try it. Focus all your energy into your chest and I'll focus my energy on mine, so we can try and maybe… hug…"

Julie smiled at the timid and shy Luke before her which only showed up every once in a while. Usually he was confident and proud and cocky. But sometimes, when Julie would fluster him, he would shrink back and get nervous.

"Okay, focus your energy on your chest, we can do this."

Luke and Julie rolled over in the bed to face each other and focused their energies into their respective chests.

"Countdown from 3?"

"Yeah."

They waited a moment and then looked at each other and counted backwards.

"3, 2, 1!"

The two tried lunging into what they hoped to be a hug, but Julie just went right through Luke.

"It's okay It's okay," Luke said. "We can try again."

"Okay, alright, again." Julie said.

"Focus Julie; chest." He said.

"Chest." She repeated.

"Okay, breathe… 3, 2, 1!"

Again, Julie went straight through him.

Julie frowned and rubbed her face with her hands.

"It's okay," Luke said. "We can do it, I know we can. Let's try it without the countdown."

Julie shook her head in agreement, even though she was starting to get discouraged.

They faced each other again and Luke said, "Keep focusing your energy on your chest."

They tried again and failed and at this point, Julie was in tears. "It's not gonna work Luke! We can't touch. You're a ghost and I'm not and the universe just doesn't want me to have this one thing!"

Luke tried to calm her the best he could. "Hey hey hey, Julie the universe isn't against you, we can do it. Just one more time."

Julie glared up at him with teary and pouty eyes.

"Listen, if it doesn't work, then we just do what we've been doing since I met you and don't touch. And, if it does work, well, let's see if we can actually get there."

"Just one more time?" She asked.

"One more."

"Okay."

This time the two just looked over each other, looking at what they hadn't really ever gotten to see up close. They gazed into each other's eyes for a split second,

and then they collided.

Chest to chest, arms wrapping around each other. It was like bliss had washed over each of them. They had known and liked each other for weeks now, and to finally touch was a rush no drug could give you.

They laughed and gasped as they pulled each other in closer and ran their hands over each other's arms and faces.

"Julie is this really happening?" Luke asked with tears welling in his eyes.

"It's happening Luke, we're touching!" Julie exclaimed.

Luke pulled away for a moment but made sure to hold onto her arms with his hands. He looked at her and thought about earlier. What she said about wanting to kiss.

Luke didn't say anything, he just slowly moved a hand to Julie's cheek and softy held it, stroking his thumb over her warm skin. Luke searched Julie's eyes a moment before he was sure. They were trapped in each other's eyes and the only way out was to close them.

So Luke closed his eyes, and closed the space between them.

Their lips softly touched, and they pulled back slowly, just to verify with each other that this was right.

Quickly though, their lips found each other again, and slowly danced over each other. His tongue slipped between her lips and found hers. Luke turned his head and deepened the kiss, pulling her closer into his chest as her hand slid up his torso all the way to his face, where they rested.

They spent the evening attached to each other in Julie's bed, refusing to let go of one another.

Julie ran her fingers through Luke's hair and kissed his cheek while his hand rested on her waist.

"Hey, I'm gonna go grab a water real fast." Julie said.

Just as Julie started to move Luke jumped and tightened his grip on her waist. "Wait, Julie, don't!"

"What?" She questioned.

"Don't let go."

Luke looked at her distraught. "I just got you, I'm not ready to let you go. What if we let go of each other and can't ever touch again? I mean you saw how hard it was to touch in the first place. I don't wanna lose that."

Luke was almost in tears, he was not ready to let go of Julie. Literally and figuratively.

"Luke, we did it once I'm sure we can do it again." Julie said.

"Julie, don't go. Please. I mean come on, I can kiss you! I can hold you and hug you and feel you. I can't lose that right after getting it, I don't wanna risk it Julie. I need your touch… I didn't realize how long I've needed it until now."

He was holding her face with his hand now, a few tears leaving his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. He wasn't ready to let go. He wanted to hold her until he didn't exist, at least he would be with her till the end.

Julie ran a thumb over Luke's face to wipe away a tear and then kissed his nose.

"Okay Luke," she said. "I won't leave. Tonight, it'll just be me and you right here in this bed, holding each other til the morning."

"Promise?" He asked quietly.

"Promise." She replied.

Through teary eyes, Julie kissed Luke and pulled him into another hug.

Julie cuddled into Luke's chest as they got comfortable for bed. She thought about waking up tomorrow and being with him, and hoping and wishing that, just maybe, that moment could last forever.

"Luke?" She whispered.

"Yeah?" He whispered back.

"I love you," was what she wanted to say, but she couldn't get the courage to. Instead she said, "Sleep well."

Luke looked up at the ceiling, wishing he could say "I love you" without leaving that mark of pain on her when he crossed over tomorrow. So instead he said, "Goodnight Julie."

After a few hours, Luke looked over at a sleeping Julie. Knowing she wouldn't hear, he whispered softly into her ear,

"I love you Julie Molina, and I'll never be able to stop."