Chapter 32 (Kumiko)

When I opened my eyes, I felt nothing. The sun burnt my swollen eyes, but I did nothing. I only slumped over in the dirt. Motionless, breathless, and in a blank state of mind.

Until I heard Shizuko's scream, "Mom!"

My eyes widened and I scrambled to my feet. She stood beside several Shinigami, wide-eyed and terrified. I quickly took in the scene around me.

Byakuya was hunched over, several of the Captains and lieutenants were gathered around us. The Head-Captain, Ichigo, and Yoruichi all glared at the man that stood beside me. Sosuke Aizen.

Rukia was unconscious and bleeding, a massive hole in her chest. The Hogyoku was in Aizen's hands, and I suddenly realized why he had wanted access to Kisuke's Kido research.

But Shizuko…I stared at her in disbelief. She had been dead. I had watched it.

"I apologize for using such a cheap trick, Kumiko," Sosuke pat my cheek, "But you've always been someone who is so easily persuaded the moment Shizuko is involved. Ever the protective mother bear."

"You sick bastard," I lunged at him, but he quickly sidestepped me. I didn't waste any time and threw a storm of Kido attacks at him.

He dodged them with ease, and was before me before I could blink. I jumped back but his hand shot out and wrapped around my throat. I thrashed around until he spoke calmly.

"A sick bastard—yes perhaps. But you, my dear, aren't much further from me."

"Don't compare her to you," Shizuko spat.

"She's nothing like me," He said with an arrogant chuckle, "But she's much more than you'll realize. A prodigy just like Gin. Though she needed more persuading and coercion to reach her potential—and to serve a purpose in my grand plan."

I froze in his grip. He let me go and I stumbled away from him.

"Kumiko," Aizen smirked, "I should thank you. You've been just as helpful as your husband."

"What are you talking about?" I spat. He only stared at me and I realized that he was referring to the Central Forty-Six orders. "I…You hadn't killed them until recently though. I was following their orders of execution not yours!"

"Surely you, out of everyone, can appreciate how many pawns I collected over the years. After all, you cleaned them up for me. Save for the ones in Central Forty-Six—Gin and I took care of those for you."

Bile rose in my throat. I shut my eyes, unable to meet any of the horrified eyes that were turned on me. My daughter. Byakuya. My men. Even Yoruichi looked at me like I wasn't who she thought I had been.

But what made sick to my stomach was that I had helped cover up Aizen's betrayal. I had helped the man who screwed over Kisuke.

"Don't make that face," He grabbed my chin. I stared at him with wide, shocked that he had appeared so quickly, "I've shown you your full potential. What's the point of having the power you have…without the instinct to use it? Kisuke saw it in you—the night you slit Ren Takahashi's throat to protect Kisuke. You two never spoke of it again, because deep down, you both wanted to forget the darkness in you that let you kill your own master's child—am I right, Kumiko?"

"You shit," I said but my voice shook. "Don't you dare twist it to suit your own—"

"Does your daughter know? That you killed someone her age? That you've killed women and men alike—it didn't matter, because you'll do whatever it takes to—"

He was cut off as Ichigo made another dash for him. Aizen easily fought off the attack. I jumped to Shizuko, pushing her behind me instinctively.

"Mom—" Her voice shook, and she stared at me in horror. She looked at me like I was unrecognizable, "How many people have you killed?"

I looked back at her grimly before facing Aizen again. Hatred and a familiar dark, roiling anger consumed me, "Not enough."


(Shizuko)

Does your daughter know?

Women and men alike—it didn't matter…Slit the throat of your own master's son…You cleaned them up for me.

Kisuke saw it in you. Deep down…you both wanted to forget the darkness in you…

"You look nice."

Renji smiled down at me as we made our way through Squad Four. It was the day after Aizen and his two cronies had run away to Hueco Mundo, and we were all still reeling. The betrayal of three of our captains was incredible, and not a single Shinigami didn't feel sick to their stomach about it.

However, I had other reasons to contemplate the recent turn of events. The revelation of my mother was drastic, and unexpected in some ways. I've never been surprised by the fact that my mother had taken lives—she had grown up in a rough district and then joined Squad Eleven. But I had always believed those lives had been those of Hollows and criminals—people who intended harm on us. The fact that she had also killed fellow Shinigami…it shook me to the core.

And I hated the fact that she had done it all for me.

"Thank you," I smiled at Renji. He admired the blue sundress I wore, his eyes lingering on the thin strap where my cardigan had fallen off my shoulder. I adjusted it and continued looking for the room number.

Finally, we had found it. Room 303. A guard was posted outside, and he bowed when Renji and I approached.

"Lieutenant Abarai. Captain Kuchiki is resting."

"Okay, we'll be out in no time," He murmured as I opened the door quietly.

The room was bright and spacious, but barren of any decorations. The only decoration was Byakuya himself, though he wasn't looking exactly colorful. His face was pale. His breathing labored.

I stepped away from Renji and towards Byakuya. Everything was silent, so quiet that it drove me insane. All I wanted was for him to make some tart remark about how he was fine or that we were out of line. But his eyes remained shut. His voice remained unheard.

I hovered over his bedside. He slept peacefully and didn't seem to be in any pain. Still, I winced every time I glanced down at his wounds. His body was littered with them, slashes and stab wounded from a merciless sword.

"See Rukia without me," I whispered to Renji, "I'll see her later."

He said nothing as he left, not even as I slipped my fingers through Byakuya's. As the door shut, I finally let out the cry I had been in holding in. Sitting on the side of the mattress, I bowed my head…and just cried.

All these emotions that flooded through me tore me apart. Worry for Byakuya. Fear for the future. Horror and gratitude for my mother. Uncertainty. Anger. Weakness. It felt like they all were separate storms that had merged together to form one unit that was set on destroying me from the inside out.

I wiped hastily at my tears and grew quiet again. Who knows how long I sat there, staring at Byakuya's motionless hand. I couldn't move or think or say anything. So I simply existed beside him.

"You scared me," I finally said, "You stupid, stubborn fool."

I went outside briefly to find a chair, and when I came back I placed it beside his bed. His breathing had quietened since which filled me with a sense of relief. He was gaining his strength again.

Folding my head onto our hands, I shut my eyes and thanked the gods for keeping him alive. I prayed that he would recover quickly.


I opened my eyes to the darkness of the night. The room was dimly lit, and the only light came from the lanterns outside. It took my eyes a moment to adjust but when they did, I saw that Byakuya was awake, staring out the window quietly.

I sat up and pulled my hand away from his quickly, "You should be resting."

"You expect me to sleep all day and all night?" He asked, almost like he was laughing at the idea, "Don't be ridiculous, Shizuko."

I stretched my arms out, stretching up and then out. My jaw trembled as I stifled a yawn, and I blinked the sleep from my eyes. My neck and back were stiff from falling like I had, but I felt like better after getting some sleep.

"How are you feeling?"

He still didn't look at me, choosing to stare the wall his bed faced, "Fine, considering. How is Rukia?"

"She's doing fine—Renji went to see her," I was beginning to feel like a moron for looking at him while he still refused to look my way. I walked up to the window and leaned against the windowsill, "Would you like for me to close the window?"

"Did I ask you to?"

"No…I just," I looked out at the moon above us. It was almost full tonight. But as beautiful as it was and as lovely as the fresh air was, the night air had brought an icy breeze, "I wasn't sure if you were getting cold."

"Leave it be," He simply said. I glanced over at him and almost jolted when I found him looking at me. His eyes danced briefly over me, "You're cold because you're wearing that strappy dress in the middle of the night."

I should have known that Byakuya wouldn't let it up just for once. Even injured, he was determined to lecture and ridicule me.

"That's because I came to see you in the middle of the day. But you're clearly feeling well enough if you can find it in yourself to be a prick again," I began toward the door, "I'll leave you to go and change into—"

"Take this."

He held out his scarf. I tugged my cardigan closer to my body but took it from him. I inspected it carefully but found no blood stains or tears in the material, despite Byakuya wearing it when he had gone into battle.

I scoffed rather inelegantly as I draped the silken material over my shoulders, "Of course the family scarf survived without a scratch."

"I took it off before I fought with Ichigo Kurosaki," He said simply. It didn't surprise me that he taken the mind to do something like that—it was almost impossible to knock the man off his game.

"You need to stop giving this to me," I said sternly as I admired the material. I only had two kimono that were made of the same quality of silk. "Ginrei will come back from his grave and murder us both if I were to damage it."

"Then don't damage it."

I chose not to make a remark because it would only lead to another retort and then we would start bickering again. Normally, I quite enjoyed yanking Byakuya's chain—something I learnt from my mother—but today was different. My mind was buzzing so wildly and it put me on edge.

Just as I shut my eyes, I heard him say, "Come here, Shizuko."

He had shifted to one side of his bed. I could only watch in confusion as he went back to staring out the window. Did he want me to sit beside him?

I did as he asked and sat on the mattress with my legs hanging over the edge. He looked at me with amusement and I raised an eyebrow.

"Use that tongue, Byakuya. We both know you can."

I wanted to scream the moment the words had escaped me because I hadn't meant for them to come out…the way they did. But I somehow kept a straight face, only shifting slightly as he stared at me.

Finally, he said with a deadpan expression, "I see the reason why geisha wear white makeup. To hide that overbearing blush."

"You despicable man!" My hands flew up to my face. Sure as the Soul King, my cheeks were blazing hot like they had been sunburnt.

And then he laughed. It was more a chuckle than actual laughter, but it was a deep, hearty sound that set a whole new flush pass over my face. He shook his head with the hint of a smile on his lips.

"Come lie beside me, Shizuko," His voice was filled with mirth and if I hadn't been so delighted to hear that, I would have been shocked speechless. I hadn't seen Byakuya laugh like this is quite some time.

I swung my legs up and crawled up to him. He looked away as I smoothed my dress over my legs, trying to keep it from riding up. Finally, I lay back and we both faced forward. Shoulder to shoulder. Not saying a word and letting the atmosphere thicken with awkward tension.

"Is this what you want?" I murmured, staring at my hands as I leaned against his pillow.

He hummed with a nod, and I took a deep breath again. He relaxed a little and so did I.

"Remember when we used to sit like this when my grandmother would tell us stories?" I laughed when he made a face, "And Ginrei and her would try to oust one another with who had a better story."

"I had never realized how incredibly mortifying being a noble was until they told us those stories," He murmured, "They gave me nightmares."

"Those were the things that gave you nightmares over being a noble? Dear me, you're strange," I smirked when he looked at me. I shook my head, "But in a good way."

"I would hope so," he said in that flat tone. Except now the angry energy had left the room and we were contently quarreling again.

Soon, my eyes grew heavy again and I began to drift off again. I turned on my side and looked up at him.

"I'm glad that we're talking again…I missed this friendship," I couldn't look away as his intense, grey eyes met mine, "Byakuya…I'm not sure how to feel anymore. Everything is so jumbled up and the more I think about it, the messier it becomes. But I can't stop thinking about my mother, my father…Jirou…"

I shut my eyes. Despite my rambling, I was kept drifting off. My eyelids felt so heavy.

"Feeling and thinking are two things that seem to go together, but don't have to. Try to keep them separate. You'll break less hearts and keep your relationships intact that way."

I smiled because it was such a Byakuya thing to say. I liked to think that I could compartmentalize that way, but I couldn't. Despite all my training as a geisha to remain in control of the situation and my emotions, I still was ruled by emotions. I was just better at hiding it than most people.

"Tell me, Shizuko," Byakuya turned to me, "Why were you here in the first place?"

"To see you and then Rukia. But you…" I didn't want to insult him by saying that I couldn't stand seeing him look so fragile. I just shrugged, "I wanted to be here when you woke up. Since Rukia couldn't be."

I felt him settle back into his pillow, shifting into me every now and then. He was warm and solid. I was sure to stay out of the blankets, but they did nothing to keep the somersaults my stomach did as my curves pressed against him.

Something was short-circuiting in my brain. First, I nearly kissed Renji again, and now I was feeling giddy next to Byakuya of all people. It was grief. It was grief…

There were no more words from him, and I drifted off more into my unconscious. Then, as my mind let go its final grips of staying awake, I felt his hand on me. He drew me into him, and lay my head on his chest. I began to rise but he hushed me.

"Sleep," he told me.

"Byakuya," I mumbled but forgot what I was going to say. I was exhausted and he was running his fingers through my hair in a way that made my head spin.

I curled up into and let my eyes fully shut. And then nothing but the sound of his soft breaths existed. Nothing but him.

When I woke again, the sun was beginning to make an appearance. Byakuya was still asleep but roused as I slipped out the room. He was wide awake when I returned an hour later with a tray of tea.

"Don't give me that look," I muttered, "Tea fixes everything."

"Your addiction has been noted."

He took the cup I poured for him and sipped quietly at it. I went back to my spot on the windowsill, propping myself on it and dangling my feet outside the building. It earned me a disapproving look from Byakuya, which made it all the more fun.

"Renji is going to be visiting you shortly," I had bumped into him earlier and, like me, it seemed he had slept over. We both had a good poke at one another's bed hair before heading our separate ways to change.

I had quickly headed to the barracks and freshen up. Technically I was still on leave, so I was out of uniform again, and wore another sundress. It was made of a flowy, white material with little, yellow flowers—perfect for the warm, sunny day we had been given today.

I looked out at the Soul Society. The sun had fully risen and the day had begun. "I still miss Jirou very much. People say that grief leaves you empty…but it feels the opposite to me. I felt like I'm overflowing with emotions I can barely contain."

"It takes time for us all to come to terms with death."

I glanced up from my hands and at Byakuya. I so desperately wanted to talk to him about what I felt between Renji and I...but I didn't want to be judged. He was so stoic that he wouldn't condone what nearly happened.

"Can…" I went back to staring at my hands, "Can I stay here a little longer. I…I don't want to go back home."

"I'm glad you're alright," I whispered, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not dying. I don't think I could take losing another person…I know that's selfish of me to say."

He said nothing but when I looked at him, he was smiling, eyes focused on the tea leaves in his cup. It made me smile, and I went back to gazing out the window. We sat in silence for a long time, and I had shut my eyes to bask in the sun. But then I heard him shift.

"We should go see Rukia," Byakuya murmured as he finished his tea. I rushed over as he began to move from the bed.

"No—you're staying here!" I pushed him back, "You nearly died, Byakuya—"

"Ridiculous—"

The door opened and Renji walked in. I blinked and took a step away from Byakuya. They both looked like they had something to say. I also had something to discuss—with my mother—and I could no longer procrastinate.

"Lieutenant Abarai," I smiled, "Your captain was just about to see his sister. Perhaps you could help with that."

"Of course," He grabbed the chair I had been sitting in and dragged it up to the doorway.

Bowing to him, I turned to Byakuya. He was quiet and blank-faced again now that his lieutenant was around. "Get well soon…"

"Thank you, Shizuko."

And with that, I left them to their own devices. I walked through the halls of Squad Four, wondering where I would be able to find my mother, but it was pointless. She was standing by the entrance of Squad Four, arms crossed and kicking pebbles.

"You done avoiding me?" She looked up at me. That grumpy look always used to scare the wits out of me as a child, especially when I had done something I shouldn't have been. But those callous, blue eyes held a new kind of terror for me.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped towards her, "Tell me."