A Coital Cure? Usagi's Hiccups Won't Go Away!

Author's Note: This fic is a gift for my amazing beta, FloraOne, for Beta Appreciation Day 2021! Flora, you always know exactly the right places to punch up emotional resonance, or where to cut things to let the ideas breathe more. I so appreciate your immediate willingness to brainstorm when I feel stuck, and your enthusiastic cheerleading makes writing even more fun. I have become a better writer from working with you, and I can honestly say I wouldn't be writing Sailor Moon fanfic at all were it not for you and your support. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all that you do.

(Also, FYI, I totally made her beta her own gift, which just goes to show how fantastic she is and how much appreciation and love she deserves!)

When I set out to write this giftfic, I checked Flora's"fanfic inspiration" tag on Tumblr and found a lot of stuff that either I had ALREADY WRITTEN in R or things that demanded a full-length fic that I knew I wasn't going to have time to turn around before the deadline.

Then I saw this prompt, and I immediately knew exactly what I was writing. I did go with a (slightly) less crack-y angle just to save time, though!

Prompt: A Cure for the Hiccups

Word Count: 1,497 words

Rating: E


"Maaaaaaaa-HIC-mo-chaaaaaaaa-HIC-n!"

Mamoru jerked his head up from his medical journal to find his wife had draped herself dramatically across the plush pile of pillows he was constantly restacking next to their low table.

Knowing he wouldn't get any more work done until her problems were resolved, he set down his highlighter and removed his reading glasses.

"Yes, Usako?"

She sprawled next to him, all long limbs and endless hair and plaintive blue eyes staring up at him. His own eyes caught momentarily on the creamy skin of her bare legs - the miniskirt she wore under his oversized Keio sweatshirt had ridden up her thighs when she'd stretched out atop the cushions.

"I have the -HIC- hiccups and they -HIC- won't go awayyyyyyy-HIC-yyyy!"

"Hold your breath and drink a glass of water," he recommended, reluctantly pulling his focus from his wife's upper thighs and back to the paper in front of him; his thumb idly flicked against the metal frames of his glasses as he slid them back on his face. He was prepared to return to his reading, but Usagi sighed around another hiccup.

"I tried -HIC- that already. And eating a spoonful of -HIC- sugar with my head upside down and -HIC- breathing into a paper bag -HIC- and drinking from the back -HIC- of the glass and making -HIC- loud noises to scare them -HIC- away." She counted her assorted remedies on her fingers until she ran out, then looked up at him with her biggest, bluest, most-pleadingest eyes. "You're a doctor, can't you -HIC- give me like a pill or something?"

"There's no officially agreed-upon cure for the hiccups," he said regretfully. "Primarily just home remedies with sparse evidentiary support. Except…"

He trailed off, his ears heating as he remembered a paper he'd recently read from the Annals of Emergency Medicine. Reaching up, he again removed his glasses and focused the full weight of his gaze on Usagi.

"...There is one thing we could try, if you're willing."

"I'll try -HIC- anything at this point."

He slid from his seat on the floor up onto the couch, meeting her eyes and patting his lap in invitation.

She arched an eyebrow at him and released another hiccup.

"C'mere," he said.

With a face full of skepticism, Usagi rolled off the pillows, closing the distance between them and climbing onto the couch. When he patted his lap again, she rolled her eyes with a fresh hiccup before straddling his thighs.

Her warm weight settled into his lap, pressing him a little deeper into the couch cushions. Instinctively, he slipped a hand up under his too-big-for-her sweatshirt and pressed his palm to the small of her back, feeling her silky-smooth skin. He leaned in close, letting his warm breath tease the lobe of her ear; the soft curls around her temples fluttered with his exhale. Her shiver trembled through them both, and he scraped his short nails along her arms before pressing his mouth to her throat.

Her skin jumped against his lips as she hiccuped again, and once he recovered from the initial jolt, he chuckled into the curve of her neck.

"Sorrrrrrry," she whined, but when his teeth nipped her earlobe the sound transformed into a breathy keen.

"Your condition appears to be... quite serious," he whispered in her ear, teasingly, between kisses. His fingers danced up her leg as her breath stuttered in her chest. "It's a good thing you came to see me when you did."

Her next hiccup mingled with a low groan deep in her throat, her breasts jumping against Mamoru's chest.

His thumb massaged small circles into her inner thigh, his pants growing tight as she squirmed in his lap.

"Will I -HIC- live?" she asked, nails digging sharply into his back.

"It's touch and go," he informed her, heat blooming low in his belly as his fingers curled around the hem of her little pink skirt. "I think you may need some hands-on care."

"Mmm," she shifted against him, trying to force his hand up her thigh - but he resolutely kept his fingers just above her knee.

"You know, Mrs. Tsukino," He used his most professional tone as he traced treasure maps on her skin, "Ethically, I can't administer treatment without my patient's permission…"

She shook her head violently, pigtails windmilling around them as her thighs flexed against his. "Please, Mamo-chan, touch me."

Mamoru didn't need to be told twice; with a sly smirk, his hand slid up her skirt, fingers slipping under the elastic of her panties to find her warm, wet, and willing.

He licked his lips as his palm cupped her golden curls. His fingers danced along her folds in time with her low moans and intermittent hiccups. He pulled back slightly so he could watch her reactions, see her face twist with pleasure at his every move. With a little hum of satisfaction, he brushed his thumb against her inner lips before moving up to tease her clit.

She gasped at his touch, wrapping her arms tight around his shoulders and pressing their cheeks together. Her hips rolled into his, and his fingers faltered momentarily as a wave of pleasure shuddered through him.

Her next hiccup jerked him from his momentary reverie, reminded him of his purpose.

Tamping down on the fire running amok through his veins, he trained his eyes on her flushed face and slipped his index finger inside her.

A tremor quaked through her core as he found the sensitive place inside her, gently kneading her clitoris through her vaginal wall. When she groaned in bliss, he added his middle finger, thumb reaching up to caress her little button, too.

Her breaths were heavy pants in his ear, her fingers flexing against the muscles of his back in time with the flutters of her inner walls. Every practiced touch increased her frenzy, pushed her closer to the edge.

One final stroke - with both his fingers and thumb - and Usagi went rigid, throwing her head back in a silent scream. But he continued his caresses until he felt her insides go still around him, her forehead falling against his shoulder as her limbs went limp.

In the sudden still of their apartment, the only movement was her heart pounding through her chest and into his - gradually slowing to a normal tempo as she came down from her high. His fingers were still buried inside her, now motionless, and he resisted the momentary impulse to press his thumb to her clit once more and see if he could make her scream.

Instead, careful not to disturb her afterglow, he gently pulled his fingers out of her, drying them on the fabric of her panties. Then he closed his eyes, pressed his temple to hers with a deep swell of affection as his mouth stretched into a satisfied grin.

Smoothing his free hand along her back, Mamoru began peppering his spent wife's face with kisses - her cheekbone, the corner of her mouth, her temple.

After a few moments of passive cuddling, Usagi turned her head, catching Mamoru's lips with her own in a long, languid kiss.

"Mmmmm, that was an… interesting treatment, Dr. Tsukino," she said when they broke apart, eyes fluttering open with a lazy smirk. She tilted her head slightly as her fingers played idly with the fine hairs that curled at the base of his neck. "Not that I'm complaining…"

"Evidence suggests that orgasm can be an effective method to stimulate the vagus nerve and eliminate intractable hiccups," he explained, sliding the sweatshirt down her shoulder and gently kissing her newly exposed collarbone.

"Sure," she agreed good-naturedly, in the tone she always used when she wasn't following what he'd said because he'd switched to 'Doctor-y Mumbo-Jumbo.'

Rather than try to explain it to her, he arched an eyebrow and tapped his fingers along her ribs so she once again squirmed in his lap. "When was your last hiccup, Usako?"

She opened her mouth to argue, but then froze as she tried to count back. "Wait, that worked?!"

He laughed, pressing a soft kiss to the skin of her shoulder. "Now aren't you glad I spend so much time reading medical journals?"

Usagi shook her head in baffled wonderment, twisting in his lap to pick up the journal he'd been leafing through earlier. "If that's the kind of stuff you're always reading about… 'Bacterial pneumonia among elderly…' NOPE."

She tossed the book back down on the table and climbed out of his lap, Mamoru tilting his head to better follow the indolent swish of her hips. "I'm gonna go get my new manga."

He chuckled, picking up his reading glasses and adjusting his pants; Usagi straightened her skirt before sashaying down the hall to their bedroom.

"Oh, and Mamo-chan?" He looked up again to find his wife leaning around the wall, one golden streamer trailing along the floor and blue eyes sparkling with mischief. "Call me if you ever get the hiccups, okay?"


AN: I hope you enjoyed (especially you, Flora!)! As always, I'd love to hear what you thought. I also encourage you to go share some love with some of the awesome betas in our fandom (or other fandoms!), either by dropping a note in their ask box on Tumblr (if they accept anon asks, you don't even need an account!) or leaving some kind words on their fics if they happen to write in addition to supporting other authors.

Much love!