Chapter 35 (Kumiko)

We stayed on the building until sunrises. There was quite a bit to catch up on, and a lot of questions unanswered. We left the harder subjects untouched, though they were inevitable. They were what shaped our lives in the past century, and now we sat there on the rooftop, facing the daunting truth.

"I didn't believe you were guilty," I smirked when he raised an eyebrow, "You're a crazy scientist who wouldn't shower unless I reminded you to. You aren't serial killer material."

I looked down at my hands again, finding my words ironic. It was hard to look at him when we touched the topic of killing. I wish I could hear his thoughts—was he surprised? Disgusted by what I had done?

"You aren't either." His words made me glance up at him. He was pointedly looking out at the sky. He always used to do that when I was having a moment, like he believed in giving me some privacy while I compartmentalized my self-loathing. But he glanced at me when I didn't speak, and he smiled, "You aren't a murderer, Kumiko."

I shook my head, "I am though…maybe if it had been Central Forty-Six that had ordered me. And it had been…but it was by Aizen's manipulation. All of those deaths are on my shoulders because I was his pawn. I killed for him."

It screwed with me. All this time I had believed that I was doing it for the good of my family, and for Shizuko. But it had all been smoke in mirrors.

"He'll have his judgement day," Kisuke spoke in a low, angry voice. His jaw was clenched and his hands were balled up into tight fists, "He's played God with everyone's lives. He's going to pay."

He was. I didn't want Aizen and his trolls to get away with what they had done to my family. All these years we had been played like fools.

"Do you need me to talk to Shizuko?"

I appreciated the gesture, though I couldn't keep from the irritation that crept to the surface, "I can handle my daughter, thank you."

"Like you handled it last night?" He asked with a raised eyebrow, "Because you two were—"

"That was a one-time thing! Shizuko and I have always handled disputes calmly…and…" I trailed off. It was partially true.

We had never gotten physical but I couldn't say that we never screamed like that. Over the years, there were many things we hadn't seen eye-to-eye on.

"Look," I pinched the bridge of my nose, because hell knew how frustrating this man could be, "Kisuke, I know you think you know what's right for her. That you know her—but you don't. So let me handle it."

He didn't say anything, even when I glanced over my shoulder at him. He had that look he always got when he was in deep thought. The furrowed brow, the glazed over gaze, the tapping of his fingers. Finally, he nodded with a small smile.

"But you can't lose—"

"Holy fucking shit, will you stop?" I groaned, "I'm not going to lose my temper. Believe it or not, I have changed."

"Yeah," He grinned, "Yeah, you have."

I began to grin but I noticed the falter in his. He was trying to hide it, but I could see the reservations he had. He was worried that I had changed too much. It surprised me that it seemed to only occur to him now that we had grown and changed apart, and not together.

I supposed it was something I had moved on long ago—the possibility that I would no longer be someone Kisuke would love. I was fundamentally the same person…but I had matured a lot since having Shizuko. I wasn't the same girl he had fallen in love with and married.

Like me, he didn't wear his wedding ring. It was bittersweet, but I was glad. It would have been weird if he had been screwing Yoruichi while wearing my ring.

"Kisuke…we're strangers now," I chose to look out at the city below us, unable to meet his eyes. If I did, I would start crying again. Swallowing hard, I continued, "But we were strangers a hundred years ago…and I fell in love with that stranger. I married him and had his child…I…I have no doubt I can love that stranger again."

"I'm not him anymore," He murmured, "I've—"

"If you say that you've done things—tough shit," I smirked, "'Cause I'm pretty sure I beat you in that department. In every way."

He grinned and walked up to me. Pulling me in by my waist, he chuckled, "And here you were being so eloquent."

"A zebra never changes its stripes," I mumbled as his lips drew dangerously close to mine. He began to speak but I shushed him, "Kiss me, Kisuke."

We had so much to learn, but all that could wait while I became reacquainted with his lips.


Shizuko was sitting beside Renji at Kisuke's. The brats had been sure to show me where they were the moment Kisuke and I had come back, complaining about them sitting around and "mooching". I didn't know what that meant but I did know that what I was seeing now was…interesting.

He was grinning at her while she laughed, covering her mouth like she always did. Sometimes I watched how lady-like and graceful she was and wondered how in earth I created her. She was so mesmerizing, not just because she was absolutely stunning, but in how she moved, spoke, and acted. It was no wonder men around her stared at her like she was the Sun.

However, Renji was the only one she wondered back to. Over the months, I had noticed how they had grown closer, despite Byakuya's growing menace over it. I wasn't sure how wise it was for her to grow so close to the Squad Six Lieutenant so shortly after her husband's death.

Shizuko looked up, freezing as our eyes met, "Mom."

Renji immediately put several feet between them, "Miss Kuna."

"Renji, go find something to do," I waved him off, saving my energy for my conversation with Shizuko rather than coming up with some excuse for him to leave.

He hesitated and when I lifted my gaze back at him, Shizuko jumped in quickly, "Thank you, Lieutenant. But my mom and I need to talk."

He nodded, smiling back at Shizuko as she waved him goodbye. Normally, I would be gushing over how sickly adorable she was when she fawned over someone. But not right now.

I sat beside her, watching Renji walk down the hallway. Better to not have an audience when we start screaming at one another again.

"Don't," Shizuko spoke first, looking at her hands, "I'm sorry for what I said to you last night. But I'm not sorry for Renji. He…he makes me happy."

"You think I care about who you're acting all coy around?" I raised an eyebrow at her, "Do I think it'll cause more crap between you and Byakuya—yes. But I only want you to be with someone you care about—someone who cares about you."

"Oh…" She took a deep breath, "It seems that I've been jumping to conclusions a lot lately."

"It's time you and I talked again," I looked at her, "Because we both know that even if you regret saying what you did last night, you meant it."

She wiped at the tears that trickled down her cheeks, "I'm sorry…I…know how much you did to keep me—"

"You know because I told you. But you don't understand, and I hope you don't have to, Shizuko," I took her hands and pulled her towards me. She wrapped her arms around me and I rested my head on hers, "I was forced into a corner and I had to make a choice. You—I chose you, Shizuko. And it took me down a dark path, but I would do it again. Because no matter how many lives I took…yours is the one that matters the most to me."

"I just…why did he make you do it?" She cried, "I knew that being a Shinigami meant killing when necessary—but that much? It…How can I go back to my duties knowing that they could ask me to do the same. I can't—I couldn't—"

"You'll do whatever it takes to protect the people you love, Shizuko," I said quietly. She looked up at me and I shrugged, "Your father abandoned everything to protect me. I've done things to protect him—and later, to protect you."

I cleared my throat, "As opposed to going back to the Seireitei…I've been thinking about that too. I wanted you to close to me in Squad Eleven because I knew that it was better you have you close where I could watch over you. But you're not suited for the fighting, brutal environment that works for me."

"You think I should transfer?"

"I do," I nodded, "I…already looked. There's openings in Squad Three, Four, Five, Six, and Nine."

She was quiet for the longest time, "So Squad Four and Six are my only options, really."

I laughed, "You could go to the other three—but understand that there's a lot of damage. Those squads are going to be in turmoil and mistrust one another for a very long time."

"My Kido is strong enough to be in Squad Four…" She stood up and began to pace, "But I can't."

"I'm glad to hear it," I groaned, "I hear enough complaining from that squad already. I didn't want my daughter to be another one chewing my ear off."

"Our squad beats the shit out of them," She surprised me by cursing, and we both laughed loudly.

"True, true," I held up my hands. She grinned widely at me and I smiled back, glad that there was some semblance of normality between us again. It felt like this was the first time in months that we had been able to laugh about something, "But…You have a sure spot in Squad Six. You've been groomed more by the Kuchiki Elders than I ever was, and you have Byakuya on your side."

"Byakuya wouldn't want me in his squad," She murmured, glancing away from me. She was hiding something, if her tell of pushing her hair back said anything, but I didn't push it. "Besides…Renji's in that squad."

"Great! You'll be much closer to him that way," I winked.

"There's rules, Mom."

I bit back my laughter, but she was so adorable. Such a goody-good, "There are rules, but there aren't any restrictions. You'll just have to be very sure that this is a relationship you want. Besides, it'd be nice to know you're around people who I know will protect you as fiercely as I do."

"Byakuya would throw me under the bus sooner than bat an eyelid if I was in trouble," She mumbled. Again, she pushed her hair back. I was beginning to wonder the hell happened that was making her so antsy about Byakyua.

"You could stay in Squad Eleven," I smiled, "I'm not pushing you away. I love having you there."

"I know," She took my hand, "But I think you're right…I don't suit Squad Eleven. I…I'll talk to Byakuya."

"And Renji," I smirked, "Make sure he's okay with you having your sleepovers closer than you used to—"

"It's not like that!" She went bright red, "We haven't…we haven't slept together."

"Why not?" I waggled my eyebrows at her, "He's gorgeous. You're gorgeous. It's not like you're a virgin—"

She smacked my shoulder and I laughed. She was grumbling loudly but joined me eventually. She lay her head in my lap and I ran my fingers through her hair.

"I love you," She whispered, "No matter what. I'll always love you, Mom."

"I know, sweetie," I smiled down at her. When I first held her, I didn't think I would feel this overflowing, bubbly sense of love. But every time she was with me, I did. I was filled with the most pure, warm feeling. "I love you, Shizuko."

She shut her eyes and was asleep in the minutes that follow. I leant against the wooden post on the porch and watched her tiny frame move with each breath. Relief. It was all I could feel. This huge barrier between Shizuko and I had been cleared out of the way, and I felt a thousand times lighter.

I glanced up and found Kisuke standing by the door. I'm not sure how many times he had been watching us. He only smiled.

I looked down at Shizuko and back at him. The resemblance between them was incredible and still blew my mind. She was a perfect combination of him and I. I wanted everything for her, and in that moment, I felt like we were one step closer to getting it for her.