Chapter 44 (Shizuko)

The roses were blooming brilliantly. I leant down and breathed in their sweet scent, shutting my eyes briefly. Jirou had smelt just like them…my heart faltered as I thought of him…the caring, gentle husband that I had had…

"Renji! Shut up!"

I opened my eyes and stood up. Renji and Rukia were sitting on the stairs by the backdoor. I noticed that one of them had knocked over the basket of flowers I had cut. They were snickering at one another, though I wasn't sure what about. They had been tearing into one another for the past hour and I had eventually grown bored of keeping track of the endless string of insults.

"Oh sorry," Renji smiled as I picked up my basket and the flowers.

"You're good," I returned it as he wrapped his arms around me.

"How're you feeling?" Rukia took the basket from my hands as we headed inside, "You should be resting, Shizuko."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I wrapped my arm around her, "Though if you want to boil the kettle for me—"

"I'll make you some tea," Renji called from the kitchen, already seeming to predict what I was going to ask, "Rukia will tuck you into bed."

Rukia rolled her eyes, "She's not five, Renji."

"Will you read me a story too?" I teased as I pulled back the blankets on my futons, "Would you mind passing me the flowers, and fetching me a vase? There should be some in the kitchen."

"Of course," She passed me the basket and disappeared.

I sorted through the flowers as I waited for her. After minutes of silence, I looked up towards the kitchen. They were both in there, and I grew suspicious. What was taking them so long? I sighed and went back to the flowers.

I had damaged my Soul Chain during the battle with Aizen. It had taken a while to manifest, because I hadn't been fighting as much in Squad Six as I had in Squad Eleven. But the training had put enough stress on my Soul Chain to bring the injury to the surface.

The good news was that it would heal, though I had been on bedrest for weeks, and light duties for months after now. It was going to drive me insane, especially if I was going to have to put up with the inseparable pair that Renji and Rukia had become recently.

Rukia finally came back with the vase. Renji was in tow with a tray of tea.

"Thank you," I said to them both. Setting the vase on the floor, I began to pour myself a cup of tea. But I paused when I saw that there was only one cup, "Do you not want any tea?"

"No, Rukia and I need to go to Squad Thirteen," Renji smiled, "We have a couple things we need to do."

"Oh, okay," I bit out a smile, "Have fun."

"I'll see you later," He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before they left.

I sat and watched the two of them walked down my path together. And suddenly I felt like I was the imposter and they were the couple. I felt like the geisha that all the wives would glare at as I walked down the street—because they knew that their husbands preferred my company over theirs.

Except Renji coveted Rukia's attention. Perhaps I wasn't the geisha anymore…perhaps I belonged with the unwanted wives and lovers now.


"I'm surprised you're working," Captain Ukitake looked from me to Byakuya, "Your mother told me that you're still recovering."

"I am," I smiled, "But I'm well enough to return to basic duties."

"Someone has to fill out the paperwork," Renji laughed before parting ways with us towards the offices.

Byakuya and Captain Ukitake continued to walk ahead, chatting and discussing the current events unfolding in the Seiretei. I shuffled through the papers in my arms, noting that several were transfers into the Squad. Others were for me, focused on health and complaints.

I cleared my throat, smiling at Captain Ukitake as he glanced at me with concern. It was beautiful and sunny today, and I was glad not to holed up inside. I hated missing days like this.

They walked quickly, though, and I struggled to keep up without panting like a dog. Keeping composure was far easier when you weren't gravely injured—and that hadn't ever been a lesson I was taught. So I let myself fall back a couple feet from them, and stay at a pace easier for me to follow.

If Byakuya had noticed then he said nothing. Eventually however, Captain Ukitake was slowing his pace. He came to stand beside me and smiled.

"Don't mind me, Shizuko. I'm an old man—sometimes I need to slow down," He glanced at Byakuya, who also slowed down. My heart squeezed as I realized that Captain Ukitake had done it for me but didn't want to embarrass me.

"You don't seem old," I replied softly, which made him laugh heartily.

"I heard you have an exquisite flower garden," The Captain smiled when I nodded, "Maybe when you're not busy, you can help my lieutenants with creating one in Squad Thirteen. I would love to brighten up the place—give my squad members an area to relax."

"I would love to," I bowed my head, "Thank you for the opportunity, Captain."

Byakuya and him continued their previous conversation, but they remained at the pace that I could keep up with. I fell back into a silence and enjoyed the heat of the sun, and the sound of their laughter. Even Byakuya chuckled quietly, seemingly calmer around the Squad Thirteen Captain.

Finally, we reached Squad Thirteen. Byakuya came to stand right behind me. I half-expected him to put his hand on my shoulder, and my body felt empty when he didn't. Perhaps it was my own foolish desire, which I quickly swept under the rug.

"Thank you for accompanying me back, Byakuya," The white-haired Shinigami waved, "Shizuko, I'll have my lieutenants reach out to you about the garden."

"Captain Ukitake," I bowed as he waved and walked into his squad. When I straightened up, Byakuya was staring at me. I simply looked back, "Byakuya?"

"Let's head back," He moved swiftly. I quickly scampered after him.

We said nothing to one another for most of the trip back. I trotted after him initially, but he realized that he was walking too fast and slowed down. It had me duck my head in embarrassment, but neither of us said anything about it.

Usually, the silence between us was cordial. Not tense or uncomfortable like it was now. I wasn't sure if it was because of my own unsettled mood—perhaps I was making things up in my mind. I had been insecure about my placement in the world ever since Renji and the battle with Aizen…but mostly since Renji.

I faltered. I didn't feel quite right anymore. I swallowed and felt like I was trying to force nails down my throat. But just as it began, it went away.

I continued to walk beside Byakuya. The sun was beginning to mix the colors in the sky when I felt the queasy sensation again. It started with a tickle in my throat which grew worse with every breath. I cleared my throat but I only aggravated my throat more.

Byakuya glanced at me from the corner of his eye. I shook my head and coughed into my arm, "I'm fine—"

My lungs tightened before I expelled more coughs. Suddenly, I was keeled over and hacking away into my elbow. I drew in a deep breath, feeling lightheaded as my breathing quickened. My heartbeat raced as I fought to control the hyperventilation that held my lungs hostage.

His hand lay against my shoulder, and I leaned into his side. He kept me from falling to the ground as my fragile body caved for a brief moment.

After a few minutes, I had stopped coughing. Still, his hand stayed on my back. The tip of his thumb pressed into the flesh of my shoulder, right above the collar of my Shihakusho. I looked up at him, trying to swallow as I panted for air. He brushed my hair from my face, leaving his palm resting against my cheek.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm alright," I whispered, grasping his wrist. He was so close to me. Eyes flickered down to my parted lips, not seeming to mind that I looked raggard and sickly. I shut my eyes as that hand cupping my shoulder moved up to cup my other cheek. I grabbed that wrist as well, gasping softly as the outline of his lips grazed mine. "Byakuya…"

He was upright again. I stood stock-still, initially surprised by his sudden disappearance. He only walked forward, as if nothing had happened.

I stood in the middle of the corridor, clenching my chest tightly. My heart thudded wildly under the cotton and silk.

And then I was scurrying off after him, acting as if nothing had happened too.