Disclaimer: I do not own Kotor. I do own this glass of Lemonade. It was perfectly made and has made me happy. ^-^
I am making a habit of procrastinating and staying up late O.o sorry guys! Well, here's is the latest chapter and I hope it isn't disappointing in anyway! I will not deter you from it any longer! Enjoy!
One Step at a Time
"Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience."
Samirah tried to look as calm and collected as possible. It was hard to do so when a certain Jedi kept a firm grip on your wrist. It was like Bastila knew that despite that calm manner in which Samirah showed the Council, she knew Samirah would bolt if she was given the chance.
She wasn't wrong to think that either.
She didn't do well in public speaking. To be accurate, she didn't like to do any public speaking. Add the fact that she hardly had any experience in it and she was a mess of nerves ready to explode. The Council merely looked at her with curious expression as Bastila pulled her before them, bowing politely and tugging Samirah down to do the same. When they stood tall again, Bastila yanked her forward so that she stood in front of the Council, unable to flee. Samirah froze with fear as she felt like she was in the spotlight. It was different then being in front of a gang or ruffians- this was the Jedi Council.
Bastila finally released her grasp on Samirah, confident that the scout wouldn't try to run away. Again, she was right. Samirah was too scared to try anything now. She felt like she was in trouble and was about to be handed her punishment. Of course she wasn't but that didn't mean she couldn't feel that way. She clasped her hands in front of her, rubbing her fingers together in an act of self comfort as one of the Jedi Master's spoke aloud. He was a Twi'lek of a soft coral pink color that shifted into hues of a dark plum in his lekku, his voice old and wise but his eyes strong and quick.
"Ah, so you are the one who rescued Bastila. It is appropriate that you are here." Her mouth tugged into a slight smile at the word rescued. She was almost certain Bastila didn't like the use of the word but it made Samirah feel a bit better.
His voice was soft and calm, so much so that Samirah relaxed slightly under his gaze. Only slightly though. She still felt on edge at being summoned before them but he was able to somehow relinquish a bit of her unease.
"We have been discussing you're rather... special case. I am Zhar, a member of the Jedi Council."
Samirah wasn't sure what was so special about her case but she held her tongue to let him continue with the introductions of each member. He gestured out to his right to a elder man who was human. He was slightly balding with a permanent scowl etched into his features. His eyes boar straight through Samirah as if he was angered at her very presence in the room. Wrinkles were lined across his face as were small bags beneath his tired eyes. His old age evident no matter how you looked at him but even with his age clearly showing, she knew he was still a hard man with some fire behind him.
"With me are Master Vrook..." Master Zhar continued, moving on to the next Master who was a smaller creature who looked far older and far wiser than the rest. He was a mossy green color in skin tone with pointy ears. Patches of gray hair on his head and ears and his eyes ever so wise and peaceful. "Master Vandar, and of course, the chronicler of our Academy, Master Dorak."He concluded, gesturing to another balding man with a darker skin tone and graying hair that was also balding at the top.
This man seemed kinder than the first human, his features indicating that he may be younger than Master Vrook. His wrinkles sagged across his face and laugh lines were formed around his mouth. He was calm and stood straight along with the other members of the Council. From the way he presented himself, you could almost tell that he was an intellectual. He had this air of knowledge that swirled around him pleasantly- like a teacher of all things regarding the Order.
Samirah glanced at all the Masters that stood before her, still unsure about her presence. Zhar had said she was a special case but as far as she could tell... she was just an outsider who was permitted to see the Council against her own wishes. Zhar inclined his head towards Bastila briefly, his eyes still on Samirah.
"Padawan Bastila I am sure you are already familiar with." Samirah nodded her head slowly, keeping eye contact with him, trying to stay respectful. She didn't want to make a bad impression.
"It's a pleasure to be here but... I confess that I'm still unsure as to why I've been called here. I'm no Jedi and I fear there is very little I can offer you." She spoke meekly, trying to figure out the puzzle and do so as quickly as possible. She needed to figure out her next course of action. You couldn't very well talk about a subject you knew nothing about.
"Ah, but maybe there is much that you can. Bastila has spoken to us about the events that transpired on Taris. How you were the one to accomplish so much in so little time. She says that you are strong in the Force." Zhar said, regarding her thoughtfully.
Samirah dropped her head, breaking the eye contact first to try and hide her tired expression. There they go again. Everyone seems to be telling her that she had such a strong connection to the Force but what did that matter? It was too late for anything to be done about it. She stifled the sigh she had been about to release in exasperation. Why couldn't they leave her be as a scout? Why did they-
"We are considering you for Jedi Training."
Her head snapped back up to look at Master Zhar with wide, shocked eyes. Surely he she had misheard him.
"You what?" Was her only response as Master Vrook finally spoke, glancing at Master Zhar as he did so.
"Master Zhar speaks out of turn, perhaps. We need indisputable proof of your strong affinity to the force before we would even consider accepting you for training." He said forcefully but it hardly fazed her. Samirah was speechless, struggling for words when Bastila stepped in to speak. Samirah expected her to side with Vrook but she surprised Samirah when she sided with Master Zhar.
"Proof?" She questioned with a bewildered expression. "Surely the entire Council can feel the strength of the Force within this woman... and I have already related to you the events that took place on Taris..." Vrook shook his head.
"Perhaps it was merely luck..."
"We both know there is no luck." Zhar countered. "There is only the Force. We all feel the power in this woman, Samirah, though it is wild and untamed. Now that this power has begun to manifest itself, can we safely ignore it?" Samirah opened her mouth to respond again when Vrook broke in again.
"The Jedi training is long and difficult, even when working with a young and open mind. Teaching a child is hard. How much harder will it be for an adult to learn the ways of the Jedi?" He argued. Samirah slowly raised her finger, hoping to get a word in but they kept going.
"Traditionally the Jedi do not accept adults for training, though there are rare exceptions in the history of our Order. She is a special case." This was the first time Samirah had heard Master Dorak speak. His voice was just as wise as any of the other Masters, holding the secrets and knowledge of the order. Master Vandar was nodding thoughtfully as the Masters discussed whether or not they wanted to accept Samirah as a trainee or not.
"I agree with Master Dorak." He spoke, his voice low and humble. "Many of our own pupils are leaving the Jedi order to follow the Sith teachings. We need recruits to stand against Malak. With Revan dead-"
"Are you certain Revan is truly dead?" Vrook interrupted a little forcefully. "What if we undertake to train this one and the Dark Lord should return?" Samirah was bound to have her voice heard.
"No." Was her simple response as every head in the room turned to her. She kept her eyes focused on the floor, not wanting to meet their eyes.
"No?" Zhar echoed her words, not sure what she meant or to what she was referring to. For a moment, they feared too much was said.
"No. I appreciate the thought but I will not undertake your training." That simple remark made everyone in the room stare at her in shock, Bastila the first one to recover from it.
"You can't deny it just like that! That's not how this is done!" She protested earning a glance from Samirah.
"Really? Watch me. No. I'm not going to be a Jedi and get mixed in with all of this! Bastila, is this the whole purpose of bringing me here? Of coming to Dantooine?" She asked Bastila suspiciously.
She figured they had come to Dantooine to recoup and get supplies. Maybe that was part of it but she couldn't possibly have thought to turn Samirah into a Jedi, could she? Bastila held her breath for a moment to contemplate her next choice of words but that was all Samirah needed to figure it out. She slowly shook her head before looking back at the Council members.
"Forgive me, but I can't be a Jedi. I'm not exactly fit out to be one. I'm sorry." She quickly turned around and began to hurry out of the room as Bastila didn't hesitate to follow. Samirah pushed open the doors, startling an already anxious pilot. She barely gave him a glance as she moved past him.
"Samirah! What-" He was cut short when Bastila hurried through the door and grasped Samirah's wrist. He suddenly got the feeling he had missed something huge. Again.
"Samirah! That was not my intention! And you can't just walk out on the Council like that!" Samirah spun around to look her in the eye.
"It wasn't your intention? You mentioned at first that I was Force sensitive or whatever you called it. Bastila, I'm not what they're looking for! I'm not made to be one of them! I can't be!" She nearly shouted at the Jedi before her. "This is too much even for me... I'm not cut out to be a Jedi or to follow their rules." Bastila shook her head slowly.
Carth wasn't sure what to think. He had no idea what they were talking about but apparently something happened inside the Council Chambers and Samirah wasn't in agreement. Her face was slightly flushed and she seemed antsy, trying to get away from Bastila who kept a firm hold on her arm.
"What happened in there? Is everything alright?" He questioned suspiciously as Samirah tried to pull her hand free.
"This isn't the best time, Carth!" Bastila spat, her eyes never wavering from Samirah. "This is not a choice you can make, Samirah." Samirah looked at her with a cold expression as she yanked her hand free of Bastila roughly.
"Watch me." She spun around on her heels and marched away. Bastila's expression went from shock to disbelief to outright rage as she too spun around to re-enter the council chambers. Carth had no idea how to react to that.
"Bastila-"
"Not. Now." She hissed, closing the door behind her.
Carth stared at the door before looking back in the direction Samirah had gone. Well wasn't this perfect. He was further out of the loop then he thought and he didn't like it. What happened? Samirah wouldn't have gotten so upset over a mere thank you. He knew it had to be more than that. She seemed a little more than agitated at whatever had transpired in there. Since he figured he wasn't allowed within the Council Chambers at the moment, he followed after Samirah.
After several minutes of searching through the Academy, it became apparent that she wasn't there. He figured the only other place she would be at was aboard the Ebon Hawk. He slowly boarded the small vessel, trying not to seem too rushed to find her. He was hoping she would give him some answers and fill him in on what had upset her. He smirked when he didn't see Canderous seated by the swoop bike. One could only find so much amusement in tuning a bike for only so long. The Mandalorian was no exception.
Carth was a bit relieved when he finally found Samirah, seated at a table in the main hold. She had one hand on her forehead and the other on a datapad as she scrutinized it. She barely looked at Carth as he took the chair across from her, sitting down quietly and folding his arms on the table. He didn't say a word but just waited as patiently as he could. After several minutes of silence, her eyes flicked up to him with a frown.
She found his silence a little unnerving for some reason.
"Alright, ask your questions." She stated simply earning a small smile from him.
"And what makes you think I have questions?" She set the datapad down, mirroring his posture with a knowing smile.
"The great Carth Onasi is never quiet... you always have something to say so out with it. Ask away." She propped her elbow on the table as she rested her chin in the palm of her hand, waiting for him to start. The day this man stayed quiet about his thoughts was the day she was a Jedi- and she wasn't about to let that happen. He nodded his head thoughtfully before beginning.
"What did the Council say that upset you?" She let out a small sigh, focusing on the corners of the datapad in front of her, picking at the metal lining.
"I'm not exactly upset just...I don't know what I am. I suppose surprised and a little confused would better explain it. They want me to become a... Jedi." The word sounded awkward in her mouth which made her grimace. Carth attempted to keep a neutral face but it didn't last long... not long at all, really.
"They what?" The idea sounded ludicrous to him. Yes, she was extremely talented but to be a Jedi? "Why would they want to do that?" She shrugged, clearly feeling awkward.
"I don't know... but I'm not exactly cut out to be one. They say that I'm connected to the Force... Force Sensitive they said. I don't think I can do it, Carth. I don't think I can become a Jedi." She exclaimed.
Carth was kind of on the fence about it.
She was skilled. If she was a Jedi, then she would be that much more powerful. She had the potential to be a great Jedi, he could see that. So why hadn't they found her as a child? Right now, she was a skilled Republic soldier but to become a Jedi would mean Samirah changing. She would have to change drastically and learn quickly, right? They had strict rules and guidelines she would have to follow so wouldn't that be the same as changing her? Whether it was for the best or the worst, they would still have to change her. Looking at her now, he could tell she was thinking along the same lines as himself.
Could she tell them no? Was it that simple?
"What did you tell them?" He asked quietly and she smiled, still staring at nothing.
"I said no. That was after the Council seemed a bit split by my decision. They were debating whether or not to even accept me. One of them didn't seem to like me from the start so I decided to make the decision for them. Bastila argued with me so I walked away." She finished, shrugging it off as a simple matter. She looked at him, the ghost of a smile there. "I can't walk the line they set out before me. Something about it just unsettles me and I'm... I don't know." She stated before rubbing her eyebrow.
This was too much stress.
Carth wasn't sure what to say. He felt a little awkward himself. He didn't know what he should say or what he should do so he just let the silence be silence. Her mind was elsewhere as she tried to process what the Council had said and the debate that ensued. Were they still debating? Had they decided that she wasn't suited to be a Jedi after all? She did walk out on the after all... she felt extremely rude for doing that but she didn't want them to try and persuade her. It saved them all time. Maybe it proved she wasn't what they were looking for if she had the audacity to walk out on them.
The echo of footsteps quickly drew her eyes in the direction of the loading ramp along with Carth. Someone had boarded the ship and was slowly making their way back. After several moments, Mission stepped through and glanced at the two before her with an innocent expression.
"Oh, hey, didn't know anyone was back yet." Carth realized he hadn't seen most of the crew in the Academy as he smiled at the young Twi'lek. Where had they all gone?
"What have you been doing?" He wondered out loud as she suddenly beamed a smile.
"Playing some Pazaak with a couple of people. Some locals and what not." She held her hands out to reveal the credits she had won off the unsuspecting locals. Samirah started laughing as she spun around to fully face her.
"You won all that off of them?" She inquired suspiciously smiling slightly as she narrowed her eyes on the young Twi'lek. She had a good couple of hundred credits. Mission fidgeted a bit before rolling her eyes.
"Okay, maybe one of the guys had a little too much to drink. He was also very bitter so I may have... relieved him of a couple of credits. Think about it, he can't but anymore drinks if he doesn't have the money! He didn't need them anyway!" She explained, trying to justify her actions.
"All right, all right, I'll play you for them." Samirah offered, piquing her interest. Mission's mouth turned up into a smirk.
"You wanna play for these?" She gestured to the credits in her hands as Samirah nodded.
"I know you're a good player so I hopefully won't make the same mistake they did." She held up her little pouch of credits and Mission smiled eagerly at the prospect of earning more. "Do you have a deck I could use?" She question as Mission nodded, pulling out all of her cards.
Carth chuckled as he stood up and held his chair out for Mission to take. Mission held out a deck for Samirah to take before shuffling through her own. It suddenly occurred to Carth that he had never seen Samirah play a game of Pazaak once. By asking Mission for a deck, that meant she didn't have one of her own. Was this another latent ability she had yet to reveal to the crew? He wouldn't be surprised if she somehow won every game and every credit off of Mission.
At first, it wasn't looking too good for Samirah. She didn't understand the rules of the game very well so she was lucky the wagering had started off at small amounts. What amazed Carth was that she wasn't getting frustrated or annoyed, she was just smiling the whole time. Mission was patient and every now and then would take a jab at Samirah's inability to play the game right but Samirah would just laugh and joke back. They played several hands, Samirah winning a few and then Mission winning more than a few.
Something about the game seemed so... relaxed. It was like the credits didn't really matter, it was just some fun. Carth leaned against the wall with his arms crossed as he watched the game unfold. Samirah slowly started to get the hang of the game but she wasn't a mastermind yet. A small smile crept across her lips as they upped the ante a bit. Out of fourteen games, Samirah had only won three so upping the ante didn't seem like a good idea to Carth. He was actually worried Mission would win everything off of her.
Worse yet... it was Samirah's idea to up the ante. Either she was secretly a Pazaak champion or she had no idea what she was doing.
It was too soon to tell.
After twenty-seven games, Samirah the winner of only five. Mission had earned a bit more credits and a big smile was stretched across her face as Samirah laughed, finally putting her cards down on the table and leaning back into her chair. A sign that she was admitting defeat.
"Alright, I concede to our champion." She breathed in feigned disappointment, unable to wipe her smile away.
"I tried to warn you, Sami." She joked making Samirah laugh.
"You didn't say anything that even sounded like a warning!" Samirah joked back, raising an eyebrow. Mission collected her winnings into a pouch and placed them securing in her vest pocket.
"Yeah, but I was thinking it." Mission proclaimed before Samirah waved her off with a smile.
"Alright, go spend your winnings Champion. And don't pickpockets the drunkards, either. They're people too." She said in a joking manner as Mission bounced right out of the room, rolling her eyes. Samirah's gaze followed the Twi'lek for a moment as Carth took the seat in front of her again.
"You do realize you've lost about half of your credits, right?" She looked at him still smiling thoughtfully as she crossed her arms over the table.
"It was worth it. Did you see that smile?" She asked. "Mission was happy. That smile was genuine, not forced."
Carth blinked a few times before what she was saying clicked. The whole purpose of what she was doing was to cheer Mission up. Take her mind off of the events that led them to this small enclave. Pazaak was the one thing Mission enjoyed and Samirah had wanted to contribute to it. Bastila had said that all she needed was time and that she would find a way to cope but Samirah was helping that process along. Just because she'll cope, doesn't mean you can't be there for them and that was what Samirah was doing. Carth found himself smiling and chuckling softly when he realized that.
She looked at him funny when he started laughing on his own but she wasn't going to ask questions. Sometimes, you just needed to let things be and he was definitely one of those things.
After a few moments of silence, Samirah couldn't help but fiddle with her fingers trying to think of something to say. Usually with Carth, it was a rare moment when they could talk without an argument following shortly. She didn't feel like arguing either so she opted for finding a project to work on for now. At least until she was off of Dantooine and she had the perfect project in mind.
"I saw that Zaalbar was eyeing some yellowish goop that had come from the food synthesizer. I'm going to see if there's anything I can do about it because I'm not eating that." She stated with a grimace. It didn't sound like fun but it was something that was beneficial to the crew.
It also put her thoughts elsewhere.
Carth nodded with a small smirk in place. He could hear how unpleasant the idea sounded to her. It wasn't exactly an exciting job at all. It would probably be a bit boring too...
"Need any help?" She paused, a little surprised at his offer but smiled softly at him as she nodded her head.
"Yeah... I'd like that."
After several hours of working on the food synthesizer, Samirah figured out that she was going to need some new components to make the food taste better but at least she erased the pale yellow color. Only problem was that she had now replaced it with a pale blue-green color which didn't look any better. She even went as far as tasting the goo only to find that it had a grimy texture and was salty with a metallic edge to it. Almost sour. Carth had laughed at her face as it contorted in displeasure. It wasn't something she wanted to eat every day. The grimy texture alone reminded her of sand on a beach. Did Davik ever use this thing or did he not really care too much about it.
There was only so much she could do without the proper utensils and equipment and unfortunately, Dantooine didn't have what she needed. So in retrospect, she hadn't done much more than change the color. She wasn't going to complain about color though because blue-green looked a lot better than a pale yellow. Given the chance, she would have to see what she could do... if she stayed around long enough to help.
Though, the best part was probably hanging out with Carth. Even though they hardly accomplished anything in those hours, she did enjoy his company. They talked while they worked and joked around to help make time pass by. She didn't know he could be such a great source of company and she was thoroughly surprised by this small piece of information. When they parted, it was almost a little reluctantly. She was beginning to enjoy his company more and more and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to respond to that.
She laid down in her cot, her brunette hair falling over her shoulders as she stared at the wall beside her. When Bastila had returned, she didn't really look at Samirah, too annoyed at the fact that she had walked out on the Council in the first place. She didn't even say anything. It was either walk out on them or listen as they argued over potentially accepting her. It was easier to just walk away, they didn't need her in the room for any of that.
She nuzzled into her pillow, sliding her arms underneath it and pulling it closer. This was just too much. All of it. She closed her eyes trying to ease into a relaxing sleep but it was far from relaxing. She was sucked back into that void, unexpectedly. The black abyss that swallowed her up, encompassing her like a thin, suffocating blanket.
"The Dark side is strong in this place..."
No way out. No room to move. No room to breathe.
"...Is this wise..."
She thrashed about in her sleep as the images flickered behind her eyelids like a book. A book with moving pictures and pages moving too fast. They flipped so fast she had no idea what each page was showing her until they stopped, enlarging and showing her two people underground.
"...We can never go back."
She could smell the stale air and the dirt mixed together. The sound of footsteps across the gravel and the feel of the cold stone beneath her fingers but she wasn't there. It was almost like she was actually there but not... Like she was beside them as they spoke. Doors opening, the sound of stone grating on stone reverberating against the walls. The sounds echoing in her mind as the scene unfolded.
"...Secrets of the Star Forge..."
Her heart threatened to beat out of her chest as her face scrunched up and she tried to push herself deeper into the cot. She couldn't pull herself away. It was like these images had a hold on her and refused to let go of her. The air felt thick in the cave as the two figures moved forward, the one speaking being Malak and the cloaked figure she presumed to be Revan. She tried to take deep breaths but found it hard to remain calm. She no longer had any control.
"...Banish us..."
Samirah was finally released as her eyes flew open and she shot up in her bed gasping for air. One hand was pressed firmly to her forehead and the other on her chest. Her heart beat was erratic and she was sweating profusely. The images, the sounds, the scents- all of it was so intense and so strong it felt real. Her hair was matted to her forehead and when she looked down, she found the sheets all wrapped around her legs. She hastily and frantically pulled them away, releasing her legs as she tried to get out of bed. She ended up moving too fast and tripped over her sheets as they wrapped around her ankles, colliding with the floor.
"For Edge's Sake!" She cried in a low voice as she pulled herself up into a sitting position.
She ran her fingers through her hair and looked up at the cots only to find she was alone. That was a blessing in disguise. She got up and quickly rushed to the refresher to shower off all the sweat and, with any luck, the dream.
Unfortunately it did little to relief her of the images, it only gave her more time to think about it. She needed to do something to get her mind off of it. She couldn't be having dreams about Revan and Malak- It would only give the Council more reason to train her if they hadn't already decided against it. She shut the water off as she quickly dried herself and dressed in some of her usual attire. A cream colored long-sleeve shirt with a brown vest and brown cargo pants. Her boots were tied with shaky fingers before she quickly exited the room and started to hurry somewhere. She wasn't exactly sure where she was going.
As she moved quickly through the ship, she entered the main hold just as Carth did. His hair was messy but not in a bad way, it actually kind of fit him. His usual orange jacket on with his hands stuffed in the pockets. When he caught sight of her, he had started to smile but it faltered when he really looked at her.
"Samirah? Are you alright?" She feigned a smile, hoping it was believable but by his reaction... it wasn't.
Her hair wasn't in a ponytail but falling freely in waves and reached her mid-back. It was natural as it cascaded over her shoulders in layers, the uneven bangs that reached her nose and feathered out, merging with the rest of her hair. The part that bothered Carth was her pale face and tired eyes. It looked like she barely slept. Her chocolate brown eyes that were usually so full of life and luster were dull. Her entire posture didn't look the same... something was off... entirely off.
"Yeah, everything's fine. Why wouldn't it be fine? Fabulous. It's all-" Carth crossed his arms and looked pointedly at her and she sighed. "Who am I kidding, it's not fine but I'm sure it will be."
She rubbed her head as Carth went and started to make Samirah a cup of tea. She watched him a little skeptically as he prepared it with some items she didn't remember having. As he handed her a cup she decided she didn't want to ask him about it quite yet. She just wanted to drink her nice hot cup as she closed her eyes and inhaled. It was... calming. It relieved her slightly, calming her down a bit but it didn't erase the vivid images.
"You know, ever since we landed on Dantooine, everything has been getting stranger and stranger. Take this morning for instance. Bastila left not too long ago looking like she had just seen a ghost." Samirah eye's flew open and looked directly at Carth.
Bastila?
"What did she say?" Carth lifted an eyebrow as he thought back.
"Well, Bastila did say you should go to the Council Chamber. No doubt its urgent and more than likely to finish the matter from yesterday." He informed her and her face paled a bit more. That wasn't what she had in mind. It was actually the last thing she had in mind.
"Did she say anything else...?" She asked in a small voice, looking away. He shook his head.
"No, she didn't. She didn't look well as I recall... and for that matter, neither do you. Are you sure you're ok?" When she nodded he frowned in response. "Do you want to talk about it?" He offered and she laughed softly, meeting his eyes again.
"Not quite yet, but thanks flyboy." She let out a sigh as she took a big sip of her tea. She placed the cup down on the table and started to walk away, shooting Carth one last fleeting look. "I suppose I better go talk to them. I'm sure they aren't too happy with me as it is so we should settle this for good. I want away from this place as soon as possible."
With that she left the main hold and left Carth wondering what was up with everyone this morning. He clearly had missed out on something major... again. Apparently that was happening a lot lately and he didn't like it. He was being left behind again. He slouched into a chair with his own cup of tea and stared at her half empty cup. He didn't know if she knew it or not, but her fingers had been shaking slightly as she held the tea. She was just so much on edge that it worried him. He sipped his tea, relaxing back into his chair unable to remove his eyes from her own cup.
He was back to playing the waiting game. Lovely.
Samirah walked as quickly and purposefully as she could. She was jittery and anxious and ready to be done with all of this. Just like the first time, she wasn't exactly sure what to expect other than them pushing for her to be a Jedi. Actually, after their last meeting, they may have reconsidered. She was content with the life she led now. She was happy exploring and seeing the galaxy for what it was. Jedi powers would come in handy but a lot of strings were attached in order for her to acquire them. She didn't know if she could become an example for the galaxy. Jedi are images of justice and righteousness... she didn't think she fit that criteria.
She maneuvered herself through the Jedi, avoiding their touch as she took quick strides to the Council chamber. A few of the Jedi gave her cautious glances and some of them even did double takes as she hurried by, her mood slowly turning a bit sour as she passed them. Didn't they have anything better to do then stare at a flustered girl? She went out of her way not to touch anyone, feeling a little fidgety and anxious. She had nothing against these people but any contact was very unwelcome at the moment.
She hurried down the hallway and came to an abrupt stop before the long sliding doors of the Council chambers. She took a minute to calm herself and look as neutral as she could. She was settling this little argument today. Jedi Masters or not, she was speaking her mind. She slid the doors open and walked in calmly and with poise. All heads were already on her the moment the door opened and she fought the frown that struggled to set firmly on her features. They already knew she was at the door, biding her time before she entered. Vandar spoke directly to her as she approached them, his eyes ever so watchful of her every move.
"I am pleased that you decided to join us, Samirah. I had hoped you would return despite our disagreement the day before. Especially now that Bastila has told us of a most unusual development. She claims you and she have shared a dream, a vision of Malak and Revan in the ancient ruins here on Dantooine." Samirah's steps faltered as her blood went cold. Her eyes growing wide as she glanced at Bastila who kept her eyes at the ground.
"These ruins have long been known to us," Dorak continued, not giving Samirah a chance to speak. "But we believed them to be merely burial mounds. Perhaps they are more than we first suspected if Revan and Malak found something there." When he finished, Samirah found this as her opportunity to chime in.
"How would Bastila know if we shared a dream?" She replied as calmly as possible, looking back to Vandar. "Did you plant the idea in my head? This dream?" She didn't want to fall into some Jedi trap to convince her of being a Jedi. She was content with the life she led, she didn't need to drastically alter it now.
Vandar frowned at the accusation, a little perturbed that she thought so little of them and the order.
"No, it is not a seed. Not a vision that we could plant. She knows because she felt your presence within the dream, the presence she has felt within you ever since—"Vrook looked sharply at him.
"Master Vandar!" Vandar merely looked at Vrook with a perturbed expression, continuing his sentence as if undisturbed.
"Ever since Taris." Vrook looked away, trying to hide his small irritation but it didn't go unnoticed by Samirah. For a Jedi, he wasn't very at peace with his surroundings. He was old and cranky, not that she was there to judge. "It is not unknown for this to happen between two people strong in the Force. Bastila has described this shared dream to the Council in great detail. We feel it is more than a dream. It is a vision. The Force is acting through you as it acts through Bastila."
Samirah rubbed the temples of her head. She wasn't fit to be a Jedi. She couldn't emphasize this enough to the Council. She could hardly remain sane around Carth so how was she supposed to be a peace with the world as most Jedi were. She didn't dare think all Jedi were at peace—not after meeting Vrook. Now they were telling her she was so attuned to the Force, it was acting through her. More evidence they were sure to use to get her to be a Jedi. So far, Vrook wasn't arguing the point and she took that as a bad sign.
There went her support.
"So, I'm having visions now? Better yet, they're shared with Bastila?" She replied quietly, refusing to open her eyes as she massaged her head.
"You and Bastila share a powerful connection to the Force…and each other." Zhar spoke gently and she was a bit relieved because of it. It seemed like he wanted this to go over smoothly for her and she respected him for that. "This is not unheard of. Connections often form between Master and student, but rarely does a bond develop so quickly."
"Whatever dangers may lie ahead, we cannot ignore the destiny that has brought you and Bastila here to us. Together." Vandar finished.
Then, like a light bulb going off, she understood. She realized what they were saying and it was like being hit in the face with a brick. Her mouth dropped open and she looked up at each Master, hoping she imagined it, hoping that she misunderstood what they were trying to say. This was something she didn't want. She didn't ask for this. She didn't need this. When she boarded the Endar Spire, it was to help fight the Sith. Not to be roped into the affairs of the Jedi. Unfortunately, as she looked at each one, the truth of it all was apparent.
"Are you saying I'm… That I'm… with her? That we're…joined?" Her voice sounded squeaky, even to her. Her words were fumbled and she suddenly felt defeated by the very idea. Vandar slowly nodded.
"You and she are linked, as is your fate to hers. Together, you two may be able to stop Darth Malak and the Sith."
"You have got be kidding me!" Samirah cried into her hands. "We can't even stand each other now! She drives me crazy and I think I do the same to her! How do you expect us to—"
"What is done is done." Vandar interrupted. "Fate had intertwined your destiny with hers. You need her just as she will need you, Samirah. Only you two can bring down Malak. Only together can you two bring peace to the galaxy once again." His eyes bore straight through her and she was frozen by the weight of his words. Somehow, using her name made it all the more real to her.
She and Bastila were linked.
"But do not let your head be filled with visions of glory and power! Such thoughts are the path to the dark side!" Vrook interrupted fiercely, making her cringe. When he spoke, he made her feel like she had already failed. He spoke to her with so much disdain… she couldn't figure out why."The way of the light is long and difficult, as you must learn. Are you ready for such hardships?"
He was almost challenging her. She wasn't sure if he was trying to talk her into leaving now or if he was merely trying to force the weight of it all onto her. He was a hard man to read and she wasn't sure how she was even supposed to begin. He scrutinized her under his gaze, his stern and hard eyes challenging her.
"No, no I'm not." She spoke quietly, shaking her head. She pulled her eyes to Vandar who was oddly smiling. It was a gentle and kind smile but a knowing one at that. Add to that that he was a small little creature and it was a little intimidating for some reason.
"Understand that there is little choice in this matter, for you or us." She sighed in defeat, realizing there was no way out. She was caught in their web. "Across the galaxy the numbers of our Order dwindle. We have sent many Jedi in quest of a way to thwart Malak's advance… many have not returned."His voice was solemn for a moment, a brief pause in his speech at their mention.
"The Sith hunt the Jedi down like animals, ambushing and assassinating our brothers wherever they are found. We fear it is only a matter of time until they discover even this hidden refuge." He concluded.
"Other Jedi have fallen from the light and embraced the dark side, giving their allegiance to the Sith and Malak, their dark lord." Samirah swore Vrook was directing that at her. Apparently he was still against the idea of her becoming a Jedi. She really wished he would speak up for her sake. Save them both the grief of it all.
"And how do you propose we stop him? If well trained Jedi can't do anything, what do you hope from an untrained one?" She reasoned, but to no avail.
"Perhaps our hope lies in not just you, but the dream you and Bastila shared. The Council has… come to the conclusion that you and Bastila must investigate the ancient ruins you dreamed of." He finished sourly, still not too keen on the idea.
"What?" Dorak nodded, his wise features smiling simply at her protest.
"Perhaps there you will find some clue, some explanation of how Revan and Malak were corrupted. And perhaps there you shall find a way to stop them." He mused with a smile.
"I don't mind to help you out, but I suppose this requires me to be a Jedi."
"Yes, you will have to be well prepared. For the darkness and for the trials within." Dorak answered, still smiling, already knowing where she was taking this.
"I don't know if you recall, but I have already declined your offer. I'm no Jedi nor will I be. I have a suitable life-style, it is what I am. I am a scout. I can't possibly be a Jedi, it would be too much. I'm sorry but you expect too much of me. I am only one woman." Vandar nodded, thinking about her statement for a moment before looking at her.
"I see. You have a strong affinity with the Force, Samirah. With such power comes great responsibility… and danger. You may wish to deny what you are, but the Council cannot turn a blind eye." He countered, Zhar nodding as he finished Master Vandar's thoughts.
"Neither will Darth Malak. Your strength is a threat to him. In time he will learn of you and the Sith will hunt you down. It is inevitable. Defeating the Sith is the only way to save yourself."
"It seems… I have no choice in the matter then, do I?" She replied calmly and in a neutral voice.
"I'm afraid not, my dear." Dorak spoke softly, a small smile still in place.
This meant giving up her way of life. Her exploration, her ship, her very being was to be stripped away so that she could become a… Jedi. As a child, being a Jedi would have been her heart's desire but now… now she had already chosen her way of life. She had nothing against the Jedi and she did feel honored to be given such a rare opportunity… but why now? Why not when she was young? Why not when she was a child? Surely she didn't just manifest the affinity to wield such power. Why hadn't they found her as a child before she had become so accustomed to her travels and work.
Before she found a way of life that she loved.
It may at times have been shady, but she was a scout and she loved it. Now, it was going to be taken away from her. Her very life was to become tranquil for the Council. She would have rules to abide by and always being told of the consequences of her thoughts. She felt a little caged by the idea but had no more time to think on it as Vandar spoke.
"Before we send you to investigate the ruins, you must be trained in the ways of the Jedi so that you can resist the darkness within yourself… within all of us. Otherwise you are doomed to fail."
"As you wish, Master Vandar." She spoke quietly and obediently. If this was to be her new path, she might as well start off as an obedient student. No point in being troublesome for them. They would be looking over her shoulder from now on so she would need to give them reason to have faith in her.
"We must begin your training at once. You have a destiny upon you that you must be prepared to face. The entire fate of the galaxy is upon you." Zhar said.
Way to put the pressure on, she thought a little sourly. She was nervous. She was a quick learner but she didn't know how much that would help her here. They were putting such a heavy burden on her shoulders but she would have to fight to not show how much it weighed her down. She was supposed to save the galaxy after all.
"I can only hope you will prove up to the task." Her eyes found Vrook as he stared intently at her, as if he knew what she was thinking. As if he knew her every doubt and fear, everything that plagued her mind.
Zhar moved away from the Masters and gestured for her to follow him.
"Follow me and you're training shall begin." He was smiling happily and she wasn't sure if that should calm her down or worry her.
"Now? As in, right now?" She question and when he nodded, he gently grabbed her by the forearm to lead her away. She threw a look back at Bastila who didn't move from her place by the Masters. Her eyes finally following Samirah but her face completely neutral.
Zhar led her to a separate room filled with books, datapads and a small table with a chair. A chair that Zhar placed her in before setting a few books before her. This was where her training would begin. This would be the start of her transition from a scout into a Jedi. It would take her time to adjust and accept this change but she had no other choice. They made it apparent that they could not let her just leave with all of that power welling up inside of her. Not when they could put her power to use, apparently.
To make matters even better, she was linked to Bastila. It was too much to take in and she felt overwhelmed by it all. Becoming a Jedi. Defeating Malak. Being joined with Bastila. Saving the galaxy.
She wasn't a hero. She couldn't do these things. Being a scout, she was out of the spotlight and behind the scenes. She wasn't the catalyst, the champion, the conqueror. She was a worker who supplied the heroes and heroines. She gave them what they needed and accepted no credit or fame for it. All of sudden she was expected to save the galaxy? She couldn't do that. It was too much. They asked for too much this time. Let Bastila be the heroine, let her have the spotlight. Samirah just wanted to stay a shadow and push Bastila forward to victory.
She couldn't do this. Samirah didn't have the strength or courage to do this.
One step at a time. Accept it piece by piece and do not let it consume you.
It wasn't her thought, but it felt like her own. It didn't even sound like her voice but it was right. Samirah just needed to take things slow. She would cross those bridges when she came to them. For now, she had a Master before her who was trying to teach her the basics of becoming a Jedi. After all, she did have several years to make up. She was sure the younger ones knew more than she did. She needed to play catch up.
She needed to pay attention and soak up every word he said.
One step at a time, right?
And Fin!
How was it? Hopefully it was what you guys expected or at least met your expectations! ^-^ I just want to say thank you again to all my gracious readers! You guys are amazing! I don't know how else to put it but I appreciate it very much! Thank you again for reading guys and be sure to tell me what you thought. ^-^ I love hearing from you guys. It also prompts me not to procrastinate because I have a bad habit of doing that, especially as of late. ^-^
Thank you and much love to you guys!
~SilverShards~
