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Look! It's a second chapter! Read! Read my readers, read! I will take up no more of this space to talk about nonsense!
Read!
And enjoy!
A Flickering Light
"There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one candle."
"Pazaak!" Mission chimed gleefully. Samirah rolled her eyes, dropping the cards on the bed.
"Again?!"She exclaimed with a laugh.
She had never been that great at Pazaak but it was something to pass the time. She was bed bound due to the orders of pretty much the entire ship. It had been agreed upon by the crew that she stay bed ridden until they arrived at Dantooine. The theory was that it would be ample enough time for her to rest and recover in Jolee's care. Though she was feeling much better now, they didn't want to take any more chances with her cold. Granted, they were probably right,but the sitting around and doing nothing was bound to kill her. There was a hundred and one things she could be doing: maintenance, cleaning, repair, meditation—Bastila wouldn't even let her meditate seeing as how the mental stresses that are brought about during meditation could hinder your recovery. You'd think she nearly died by the way everyone was reacting.
Samirah sighed as Mission reshuffled the decks to begin another game. This was how they were to spend their time until they reached Dantooine. Mission took it upon herself to be her personal entertainer since there was nothing else to really do on the ship. Mission wouldn't say it out loud but Samirah could feel how guilty Mission felt. Was she blaming herself for the events on Kashyyyk? Didn't she know that everything that was wrong with Samirah was her own fault? She frowned slightly, thinking of how the majority of her problems were coming from her own mind and spirit. Jedi lead hard lives. A life she had never anticipated on leading.
"Well, don't look so glum about it… sheesh. You'll get better at it, you just need some more practice is all! I mean, we can play a bunch more games and before ya know it, you'll be beating me." Samirah shook herself, looking at Mission on surprise.
"What?"
"Or, well, you know… that might take more than just practice. That would take a world of luck." She said with a slow smirk forming, leaning back in her chair. She waved her deck of cards in the air and Samirah smiled back.
"Is that a challenge I hear, Mission Vao?" Samirah picked up her own deck, compliments of Mission, and began to shuffle through it as they maintained eye contact. Mission leaned forward, leaning her elbow on her knee.
"If you want to make it one."
"You're on."
If nothing else, this was a sure way to keep both their minds occupied. Samirah's mind had been occupied with vision of Revan and the Star Maps and her own futility. For once, she'd like to have good things on her mind. She wanted to feel less like a Jedi and more like the scout she used to be; simply passing through space with a certain destination in mind. Spending time with Mission was as close as she was going to get to the normalcy she craved.
I've seen your demons.
She furrowed her brow. No. She wouldn't even think of her demons or her destiny. That could wait for another time. She'd already given those thoughts more attention than they deserved. Everything she had given to be a Jedi so far was hurling her further into an abyss of misery and pain and sometimes, this feeling that felt a lot like loneliness. No. No more. She had a game of Pazaak she needed to focus on and right now, the odds weren't in her favor. She smiled as Mission played her cards with ease.
It might take more than just one game to change the odds.
Canderous sat in the hanger, twirling a wrench around his finger. He was leaning on his knee and with his free arm, propped his chin up with the palm of his hand. He had spent the last thirty minutes doing absolutely nothing besides watching that walking carpet pace up and down the corridor. Canderous remained quiet as the Wookiee scoured the cargo hold before leaving and then returning in a tizzy as he scoured it some more. Canderous wasn't exactly sure what was wrong with the big guy, but he didn't seem happy about something. T3 was attempting to follow Zaalbar but was only met with growls with the tin can was in his way.
Canderous just frowned. He really didn't need to work on the swoop bike anymore. He had had ample amounts of time to put it in tip top condition. Without any more gadgets to play with, the Mandalorian was stuck with only a few options. All of them involved a couple bottles of brandy and his favorite blaster rifle. All of them, he was sure, would be frowned upon by the crew. This left him to watch the Wookiee groan and pace endlessly.
He nearly smiled when he saw Carth walk by, giving Zaalbar a puzzled look.
"What's wrong?" He asked, stopping by the cargo hold as the Wookiee roared in frustration yet again.
"It makes no sense to me, Carth Onasi. The food—the rations—it is as though someone has been picking through it but I know that it surely could not have been us! I know what I have eaten and what you all eat and this is not our doing!" He complained. When Carth raised an eyebrow at him, he groaned. "By Bacca, if any one of you are responsible for the half eaten rations—I'll—I'll—"
He couldn't get his words out as he seethed in the cargo hold. He turned to look at Carth as T3 zoomed away, no longer wanting to be in the area. He reached out and pointed an accusatory finger at Carth, much to the pilots surprise.
"Never. Waste. Food. The synthesizer is not an agreeable alternative and the rations are our only hope of survival. Do not leave the remnants for others to see! Do not waste!" With that, he marched off, Carth staring after him in shock. Why was he being accused? What had he done?
"Ah, don't pay that Wook any mind. He's been touchy since we left Kashyyyk." Canderous said with a grin, finally putting the wrench down. He had no use for it after all.
Carth turned to slowly walk towards the Mandalorian, cautiously looking over his shoulder in the event Big Z came back. It was more out of puzzlement than it was out of fear though. When he finally looked completely to Canderous, he had already pulled out two glasses and a hidden bottle of what looked like ale. He set them on his work table by the bike, pushing all his tools to the side and kicking out a chair for Carth. At first, Carth was hesitant, giving Canderous a funny look.
"What?" He asked crassly, narrowing his eyes at Carth. "You just going to stand there staring or are you going to sit your ass down and drink with me?"
After a moment's thought, Carth sat down and took a glass as Canderous poured the ale.
"What's the occasion?" He asked, only earning a shrug from Canderous.
"There is none. My entertainment walked away. You know, that's the problem with you Republics. Always have to have an occasion to drink. Ok, for your sake we'll say we're drinking to your health or to the ship or to the bucket of bolts that doesn't shut up." He said sarcastically with a grin before downing his glass and slamming it on the table. "Just relax kid and enjoy the ale. We need to loosen you up, soldier boy. You're too stiff." Carth raised his eyebrows as he took a swig of the ale. When he put the glass down he gave it a funny look as he tried to place it. It had an earthy flavor to it and composed of several different kinds of spices. It tasted stronger than he had expected when he observed its pale color.
"I picked it up from Kashyyyk. Not sure what it is but those Czerka idiots had a few bottles laying around. I don't think they'll be needing it anytime soon. I'm sure they have more pressing matters to attend too." He grinned, refilling his glass to the brim. Carth watched as he downed the glass with a refreshing sigh before repeating the process.
"When did you even find time to grab them? We were rushing to get off world, are you the reason—"Canderous waved him off with a big grin.
"A man has to have his priorities, Carth. You of all people should know that." Carth leaned back in his chair, swirling the pale burgundy colored ale around in his glass. He held it up to his nose briefly before sipping it again. "So, what brings you to my side of the ship?"
Carth took another sip, letting the taste grow on him before shrugging. He draped his arm over the chair and took a big gulp from the glass this time before setting it back down on the table. Canderous immediately refilled it despite Carth shaking his head in protest. Canderous didn't pay him any mind as refilled his own and drank it in one big gulp.
"Just here to give everyone a heads up that we should be on Dantooine soon—maybe in an hour? Other than that, not much else." Carth held up the glass to his eyes with a frown before taking another mouthful. What the hell, after everything that's happened, he deserved a moment of R&R. Canderous leaned back in his chair, mirroring Carth as he grimaced.
"Don't tell me we're staying for another good while to help the locals."Carth shook his head. He took one more sip and put the glass off to the side.
"No, not that long. Just long enough to refuel, restock and to make sure we don't need any minor repairs done to the Hawk. We didn't exactly get that chance on Kashyyyk so Dantooine seemed like a good idea."
"The Princess made that call, didn't she?" Canderous said smugly. Carth crossed his arms and let out a small huff.
"Something about talking with the Council before we set off again. Don't get me wrong, we need to refuel and all that other stuff but I don't think we have time to spend days waiting for the council to deliberate on whatever issues there are. There are times to talk and times to take action. This is not a time to talk." Canderous chuckled finishing off his glass and beginning to pour another. Only this time, the bottle was empty to his dismay. He set both the bottle and the glass off to the side, settling into his chair comfortably.
"For once, you and I agree soldier boy. " Carth was about to comment on the surprising nature of their agreement. Instead, he turned around in his chair as voices came from down the hall and they were by no means in hushed tones.
"Lass, I have nothing to say to those stubborn old coots!" Jolee huffed, marching down the corridor with Bastila quick on his heels.
"Jolee, I feel as though you must at least meet with them! You obviously know things that could prove to be pivotal in this war! Talk with them, maybe we can re-establish you as a member of the order!" She begged and his response was to snort loudly. He stopped in the doorway to the cargo hold, turning around to meet her eyes.
"And what makes you think I want anything to do with those old coots? Hm? Did you ever think I stayed lost in a forest for so long for a reason? Did that ever cross your little brain? Listen lass, I'm old and senile and stuck in my ways so don't you go trying to change that. I have my reasons and no, I don't want to go blubbering about my life to you so that you'll understand."
"But Jolee—"He shook his head, crossing his arms. She balled her fists up, pursing her lips as she contemplated how to retort but thought better of it.
"I'm staying on this ship and that's final! I don't have time to be chasing after those old fools! I left for a reason!" Bastila shook her head and raised her hands in defeat. She turned quickly on her heels, marching away from the old hermit. Jolee shook his head before walking into the cargo hold.
Carth and Canderous stared at the hallway for a few moments longer before looking back at each other. Canderous was chuckling to himself while Carth simply rubbed his head. Someone was always fighting about something on this ship. Always someone with some bone to pick.
"We need new hobbies." Carth mumbled.
"Not a half bad idea." Canderous mused, reaching across the table to take the glass Carth left unfinished. He downed the rest of it before returning it to original spot beside Carth. Carth shook his head slowly, folding his arms on the table. "I've got mine."
"Who the blast has been eating all my munchies!" Jolee yelled suddenly. Carth and Canderous both looked to see Jolee marching out of the cargo hold, mumbling about the selfish nature of the youth today.
"Yeah… we're all going to need some kind of hobby…soon."
Samirah was seated on a bench, her legs crossed as the rays of sunlight caressed her face. She closed her eyes, smiling faintly as she absorbed as much of it as she could. It was warm. The weather was beautiful—a complete contrast of the weather on Kashyyyk which was damp, cold and void of any light. She had almost forgotten the feel of the sun. In the robes of the Jedi, she felt even warmer but it was a bearable warmth. She wore the lightest and thinnest pair of robes she could find. They were a creamy color with a brown belt around her stomach and brown boots to match. Bastila had gone to speak with the council, Zaalbar to restock the provisions, Canderous and Carth to find parts and fuel and of course, Mission, went to play Pazaak with new fodder.
Samirah smiled at the thought of Mission looking for more unsuspecting farmers to play her. Ever since Taris, Mission didn't seem the same. It's taken some time for her to seem less like she was faking her happiness to actually being happy. The scars on her spirit still remained. Samirah was sure of it, but Mission was slowly coping and adjusting.
"Beep booooop…" Samirah opened one eye to see T3-M4 rolling up beside her. It's mechanical head hanging low.
"Hey, what's wrong? Bastila leave you behind?" She asked softly. The droid looked up, chiming and humming in response.
"It's ok, you can hang out with me then. Want to go for a walk?" The droid whistled happily, spinning around quickly as she chuckled. She unfolded her legs and slid off the bench, petting T3's head affectionately. "Alright, let's go."
They walked around the inner sanctum of the Enclave, bowing and nodding to passing Jedi in training. They moved to the outer courtyard, passing by several farmers and inhabitants of Tatooine. Ever since their last visit, things seemed to be less frenzied and more peaceful. Even the Force seemed to be overflowing with life and harmony.
"Padawan Samirah! Padawan Samirah!" Samirah turned to see two familiar faces chasing after her… or really, only one chasing her and the other attempting to catch up.
"Seyda!" She cried in surprise.
The small girl threw her arms around Samirah, nuzzling her face into the fabric of her robe. Samirah placed her own arms around Seyda as the other Padawan reached them. She smiled, instantly recognizing him as Titus. Seyda looked up, her emerald green eyes meeting Samirah before hugging her tighter. She had golden hair that was pulled up into a bun except for the small strand of hair wrapped in beads and tucked behind her ear. Titus crossed his arms, shaking his head at the small girl.
"Seyda, you mustn't run off like that. Seems to me that you need a little more training in discipline…" When he finally looked up to see Samirah, he smiled softly as he bowed. "Padawan Samirah. It's good to see that you've returned to us."
Samirah noted how different he seemed now and the demeanor in which he now presented himself in. He had grown since the last time they had met. More sure of himself. More strength in the things he said. It was a pleasant surprise to see the change in him.
"It's always a pleasure to see you both!" T3 buzzed beside her, whirling around in a circle and earning the full attention of little Seyda.
She pulled herself free of Samirah, looking completely at T3 as she circled him in wonder. When she reached out to touch him, he zoomed behind Samirah and sputtered at her suspiciously. She jumped at his sudden reaction, blinking in surprise.
"T3, be nice!" Samirah chastised causing the droid to drop his head low and beep quietly. "No, no, she wouldn't feel betrayed. Bastila would want you to make friends but never the less, you shouldn't act that way to someone who's trying to be nice. Tell Seyda you're sorry." T3 slowly moved out from behind her, cooing softly as he rolled closer to Seyda. "T3…." Samirah pushed as she crossed her arms and he beeped and chimed at Seyda. She knelt down, gently patting his head as her green eyes softened.
"It's okay, Mr. T3, my name is Seyda Minzove. It's very nice to meet you." He chimed happily, scooting back and forth in what Samirah could only assume was shyness—something she didn't think she'd ever see from T3.
"Why don't you two hang out for a little bit. I'm sure we have some time before we must depart again." Seyda smiled brightly before nodding her head and leading T3 over to a small group of neophytes, all about the same age as Seyda.
T3 produced small little lights and holo's for them as they started some small game with him. Titus walked up next to her, watching them all for a moment before looking over at Samirah. His hair was as dark as the night and in contrast with his bright blue eyes that shimmered in the light. He was taller than Samirah, as most people were, but younger and well built physically. Last they met, he was so unsure of himself and stumbled a lot over his words. He never made eye contact or even stood with his head held high. He was a far cry from the Jedi he wanted to be, a frustration he used to express a lot to her when she was still studying on Dantooine.
"It's been peaceful since you were last here…" He began, putting his hands behind his back. "You cleared up so much of the darkness here and quelled all manners of disputes. However, many feel your absence here. Not just Jedi, but the people of Dantooine too. Thought they can't feel you through the force as we can, they remember your kindness and the kindness of those you travel with. We all know you have a destiny and that it will take you far from here but know that the people here think of you often. We didn't know it until you left… but you brought a light."
She rubbed her arm, refusing to make eye contact with him. As he spoke, she felt this ping of guilt in her gut. A light? All she brought was flicker. They did the rest. Ever since leaving, she went into a tailspin. She fell and she sank and she drowned in the darkness. It swallowed her whole. The thought of being in that place, of seeing Revan and Malak do their bidding and unleashing their power on the galaxy—it scared her. Even here, she could still feel the traces of them in the Force. The bread crumbs.
She wasn't strong.
"You're so strong now…" She whispered, looking at him as he looked at the children. He smiled softly, looking as Seyda danced about with the other.
"Look how little they are. They don't know the horrors they will one day see. They don't know the burden of being a Jedi as you or the Masters do. I know the stories; I've seen the battle scars but have yet to get my own. I've grown a bit since you last saw me." He said, looking over at her and searching her eyes. "However, I'm still the shaken and scared boy who came to you on your ship. The only thing that has made me strong since then is that I have found something—someone—I want to protect."
He nodded in Seyda's direction as a Twi'lek girl hugged her from behind. They giggled. It would be one of the few times they would be allowed to be children. Whenever a Master would walk by, they would immediately stop their play and act as a Jedi should. These will be the moments they cherish most because they will be as all children should be—carefree.
"I don't know when or how it started but she and I have grown close. She's become the little sister I never had. She's the first person who I've grown fond of since joining the order and leaving my family all behind. I know what she must feel when not in the presence of others."
Samirah couldn't pretend that she understood. She knew of loneliness. She had been alone as a scout, searching the galaxy for anything and everything that could prove usual to the Republic. Sometimes, they were odd jobs and deliveries for neutral parties but never the less, she did them alone. Her only company being her droid and whatever passengers she decided to take on. However, that was a different loneliness then what she was sure the Jedi felt when they first became initiates. She couldn't imagine being Seyda's age and having to learn to be emotionless and resolute.
"I feel as though the Force brought her here for a reason, though." Titus said after a moments pause, watching the small girl inspect T3 holo-projector. "I can feel it. I believe that I am not here to teach her, but that she is here to teach me. If I am to protect anything, anyone, then I myself must be strong and have no fear. If I want to protect this little girl, then I must learn to be brave and strong. For her."
Samirah stood in silence, allowing the breeze to brush past her. He was being modest when he said he had not grown much. She placed a hand on his shoulder, surprising him with the simple gesture.
"You will make a fine Jedi, Titus. A fine Jedi." He smiled happily, bowing his head lightly at her.
"That means a great deal to me." Before he could say more, Samirah noticed a familiar face emerging from the Enclave.
Carth walked out into the opening, looking around until he found Samirah. His usual burnt orange jacket was surprisingly missing and left him with only a dirtied white shirt. His face was covered in smudges and his hair as ruffled mess. She assumed he had been spending his time making minor repairs on the ship. He approached her, nodding to Titus so as to not be rude before giving her his full attention.
"Are you feeling any better?" He asked promptly, surveying her from head to toe. Titus looked at her with a puzzled expression before doing the same as Carth. She felt a little self conscious with both of them looking at her expectantly.
"You were sick, Padawan Samirah?" He inquired. She shook her head, smiling at Titus in reassurance as she held her hands up at them.
"Only briefly but I really am feeling better." She turned her gaze to Carth, giving him the same look. "I've rested enough and the sun was a welcoming treat. Thank you. I honestly am fine now."
He nodded, taking a moment to look at his surroundings. He paused when he looked at Titus, remember him as the stumbling boy he had met once before. When he looked back at Samirah, he could tell that she really was feeling better. Her smile wasn't strained, her posture was relaxed and even her voice sounded better. It didn't sound like it was hurting her to speak at all. He smiled, feeling reassured that she had made a full recovery.
"That's… that's really good to hear. In about an hour or two then, we should be ready to leave. A few more things from Zaalbar and all we'll need is to hear back from Bastila. Does that sound all right?" He asked, wanting to hear her opinion.
"Oh, yes, we shouldn't be delayed anymore then we have too." Carth nodded in agreement.
"That reminds me," Titus began, stroking his chin for a moment. "Someone came looking for you, Samirah."
"For me?" She asked in shock. She couldn't think of anyone that would be looking for her out here, least of all someone who would stop at a Jedi Enclave. Most of the people she knew stayed clear of the Jedi or any faction really.
Titus nodded, trying to recall the name.
"I believe he said his name was Kelko Sett. He was in a remarkable ship and was asking around for you. When no one provided him with any information, due to the orders of the Council, he left within the next day."Samirah's heart sank.
Kelko.
"Ah, I see…" She had forgotten that she had contacted him. She had once hoped that he would come and find her, taking her away from the political affairs of Bastila and the Jedi but to no avail. She was stranded here to become a Jedi despite her wishes. Kelko had her ship and was maintaining it when she boarded the Endar Spire for a simple mission.
Little did she know…
She let out a sigh, making a mental note to contact him when she got a free moment on the Ebon Hawk. She had meant to respond to his last message but everything with the Council and the maps… well, it was pushed to the back of her mind. She forgot. She smiled at Titus, about to speak when Seyda came hurrying back with T3 whistling behind her. She grabbed on to his robe, jerking it down to get his attention and forcing him to kneel beside her.
"Now, now, what is it Seyda?" He asked, chuckling to himself. She shook her head at him, not enjoying his laughing manor.
"Titus, the others say it is time to meet Master Zhar. Is it true?" Though she asked, her eyes were pleading with him that she be able to play a little bit longer. Titus chuckled again, looking at the courtyard before turning back to look at her thoughtfully.
"Seyda, I'm afraid we must. It is indeed time and Master Zhar will be waiting." She pouted, looking to Samirah for support.
"But… Padawan Samirah, I wish to play more with T3 if that's all right. Training can wait, can't it? Just a little bit longer? Master Zhar won't mind, will he?"
Samirah only knelt down beside her, holding the girls shoulder so that she would look at Samirah despite being on the verge of tears. Samirah wiped the girl's eyes.
"I'm sorry Seyda, but I believe I have to leave soon. I promise, we'll come visit again soon. The next time we come, you and T3 can play all you want. I'll even talk to Master Zhar about it and see if he can't let you play longer. How does that sound?" After a moments' thought, she nodded her head.
"Alright. If you promise." Samirah smiled, nodding her head. T3 spun around beside her, chiming and whistling with enthusiasm.
"I promise. Now run along and give Master Zhar my best for me."
Titus held his hand out to Seyda, nodding at Samirah. Seyda reluctantly took his hand but kept her eyes on Samirah as they walked away. Titus stopped briefly, turning to look back at Samirah and bowing respectfully .
"Until we meet again, Padawan Samirah. May the Force be with you." Samirah couldn't do more than wave as he walked away. She could feel his strength and his resolve from where she stood. He would be a Jedi Knight that she would look up to with respect and envy. He had the makings of a Jedi who would do great things.
The Force swirled around him like a hurricane, that's how great his destiny was.
She smiled as Jolee's voice flittered across her mind. Already she was beginning to think she had spent too much time around the old man. Somehow, she was beginning to think that it wasn't so bad. He was a few starships short of a fleet, but he did have a thing or two worth noting.
"May the Force be with you." She whispered back at Titus, though she was sure he couldn't hear her. A light breeze brushed past her, hopefully carrying her words to him so that he would somehow have them with him. She hoped that he would only continue to grow stronger.
"Samirah?" Carth wondered as she slowly pulled her gaze back to him with a smile.
"Yes. We should get going." With that, she followed him out of the courtyard and back towards the ship. T3 quickly chimed, following closely behind them.
Canderous was waiting on the loading ramp, sitting as he balanced a blaster rifle on his knee and was polishing it. He gave a smile and a nod at Samirah when they were in sight before standing and hoisting the gun over his shoulder. As they stepped up the ramp, she stopped briefly to look over her shoulder at the Enclave. The sun was slowly starting the set, casting a orange-red glow over the Enclave. A few Padawans lingered around before slowly moving away and finishing out the remainder of their day. The Enclave was peaceful. The wind was warm, the sky was clear and the tranquility of the place left its own impression on the Force.
She had needed this stop more than she knew. It reminded her of so much. Of what she believed in, in what she fought for and why she was now a Jedi. Even if this wasn't the path she wanted, it was the path she needed and the one chosen for her. If nothing else, it was hers now.
"May the Force be with you all…" She whispered against the wind before slowly boarding the ship.
It had been three hours. Three hours that they had been waiting on Bastila. Mission and Zaalbar had boarded the ship an hour after everyone else—everyone except for Bastila. Carth was sitting at a table, reading through some info that came to him through his holopad; updates on the war effort and the political power struggles that persisted even now. He had cleaned up since then, wearing his jacket again which oddly put Samirah at ease. She liked that jacket. Samirah had resumed her usual work on the food synthesizer per the request of Jolee and Zaalbar. Jolee never even left the ship. As he expressed multiple times, he wanted nothing to do with the council. He figured the less they knew about his situation, the better. Zaalbar, on the other hand, made sure that he procured all the necessary parts to fix the food synthesizer and laid them out in the open.
Samirah took the hint.
She had been working on it since she got back to the ship and was beginning to think she was at a break through. She was near completing her work when she heard a pair of footsteps coming from the loading ramp. She paused, looking briefly at Carth who had set down his holopad. They both shared a look before Carth got out of his chair and Samirah got up from the floor. She patted down her robes, peering around the corner curiously.
Who would board the ship? The council wouldn't come see her… would they? No, they always summoned you. They didn't make house calls.
She didn't have to wait long until Bastila rounded the corner, looking away sheepishly as she stood awkwardly in the hall. She seemed embarrassed as she fidgeted in place, refusing to meet anyone's eyes. Samirah was about to ask her what was wrong when another face appeared from around the corner. Samirah's eyes went wide with shock before slowly raising her hands to her mouth.
How had she been such an idiot!?
"It is…. Good to see you, Padawan Samirah…" The thick accent of the Cathar nearly made Samirah's stomach roll. The Cathar stepped around Bastila, standing in the middle of the room so as to be better seen by the crew. She kept her eyes casted to the side, refusing to look at any one person.
"Ju-Juhani…. Oh no…" She muttered, covering her face in her hands but peaking through her fingers.
Carth noted that behind the Cathar was Canderous, his blaster rifle hoisted over his shoulder. He gave Carth a suspicious look before nodding in the direction of the Cathar. Carth just shrugged and that made Canderous focus intently on the woman, pulling his rifle from his shoulder and holding it close. Just in case. This made Carth smile despite the present situation. Actually, he didn't know what was going on so he just leaned against the table to see it play out. Samirah looked horrified, Bastila was for once, speechless, and Juhani stood with her shoulders squared. Something about this little meeting made the air tense and thick with awkward feelings.
Canderous kept his eyes on her, occasionally looking to Carth for any insight but Carth was as lost as he was. It was nice to know that there was someone who was ready to take action if the situation called for it at least. It wasn't the first time he was out of the loop and it wouldn't be the last. He would just sit on the sidelines for now.
Juhani held her head high, her face void of any expression but it was evident that even she was still holding some resentment to their little mistake. The more Samirah looked at her, the more guilt she felt in her gut. The more they stood there, the more she felt awful for leaving Juhani behind. It wasn't exactly their fault they left without her… ok, maybe it kind of was but still, the council told them that time was of the essence. They didn't really take the time to think or even breathe—they had to leave.
Samirah groaned as she squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face into her hands again.
"It is… It is nothing to worry about." She said quietly, averting her eyes and allowing them to roam over the ship. "I held no grudge. The Council, they said it was important that I accompany you and Bastila. It was fortunate that you returned… even if it was not for me."
"Juhani, I'm-
"No, there is no need for you to say more. All is well now. I will go put my things away and settle in. I will… I will find myself a spot." With that, she said nothing more and walked away.
No one moved. The ship grew quiet, the only sound echoing against the walls being the sound of Juhani walking away. Bastila stood where she was, fidgeting in her spot and avoiding any eye contact at all. As soon as Juhani was out of ear shot, Samirah quickly moved as close to Bastila as she could, still reveling at their present situation.
"How did that happen? Where were you? What did the council say? How did we forget her?!" Samirah questioned quickly, forcing Bastila to press her hand over her mouth. Samirah tried to talk anyway, her words coming out as muffled sounds.
"Oh, just calm down, will you Samirah? Honestly." She stated firmly, narrowing her eyes at Samirah. "The Council expressed their displeasure in our departure without Juhani and insisted that we tread with caution from here on out. It was expressed several times that it was vital that Juhani join us. There's nothing more we can do about it now. She's here now so let's just get on our way. We can sort it out as we go."
She finally removed her hand and walked away, leaving a wide-eyed Samirah where she was. When the potential danger was over, Canderous sighed and walked away when he was sure he wasn't needed anymore. For several moments, Samirah didn't move. How could she have forgotten? The Council explicitly said that Juhani was to accompany them for several reasons… How could she have been so stupid? Even Carth never left someone behind and he had trust issues…
"Samirah…?" Carth started, stepping closer as she covered her mouth in her own horror. When he touched her shoulder, she smacked his hand away, shaking her head.
"Not now Carth… Just… not now…" She then turned and walked away, leaving Carth behind to wonder quietly what was going on.
No, he wasn't going to just sit by himself and wonder what was going on. She had another thing coming if she thought he was just going to sit around, doing nothing.
He was going to find out. He followed after Samirah, making his way to the cargo hold where she sat herself down in a corner. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and her head buried in her hands. Her back was against one wall of the corner while her shoulder pressed against the other, leaning her body against it. She looked like a child who had been put in the corner for being disobedient. He leaned against the doorframe, stuffing his hands in his pocket as he watched her for a moment, neither one of them saying a word.
She wasn't crying. She was berating herself. Kicking herself while she was down. There was a rule about that somewhere, wasn't there? Never leave a man behind? Hadn't Carth told her once that he had never left a man behind? Yeah. She couldn't say the same thing. She was sure this wasn't as bad as leaving a man on the battlefield but hell… she left Juhani behind when she was supposed to accompany them on their mission. How could she do that? How did that make Juhani feel? She was a Dark Jedi, albeit a pretty poor example of one but never the less she had gone to the dark side only to be brought back and left behind by the very person who had saved her.
What kind of message was Samirah sending her?
"Samirah?"
What did Juhani think of her now?
"Samirah." She slowly lifted her head, looking over at him. She looked gloomy and upset but luckily, nowhere near close to tears. That was good.
He sighed, pushing himself off the doorframe and walked over to her little corner. He slowly sat down next to her on the floor, aware of her suspicious gaze on him. He was seated against the back wall, while she was seated with her back against the side wall and her toes beside Carth. She leaned the side of her body against the back wall, watching Carth carefully, his gaze looking straight ahead. He rested his elbows on his knees, letting his hands hang freely and his head to rest against the hull of the ship.
"I left her Carth. We were supposed to take her with us and we forgot so we left and now she's mad and maybe she'll turn back to the dark side and what if she turns back to the dark side? It'll be all my fault! She'll be a Dark Jedi and it'll be all my fault and I'll have to live with knowing that I, Samirah Noval Alda, saved a Dark Jedi only to turn her back into a Dark Jedi because apparently it was my destiny to kill her! What fate is worse than that? To fall to the dark side only to be brought back so that you could fall again and die at the hands of the person responsible—it's a form of torture! I'll have to kill her, Carth! Oh my… I'll have to kill her… I can't believe we left her and I can't believe that she's… it's my… oh no…" She buried her head back into her arms. "I can't believe I did that… I can't believe I was silly enough to…"
Carth just sat there quietly, letting her ramble and mumble about something he didn't even know was a problem. She was talking so fast that he couldn't keep up and her words just sort of started to mesh together into gibberish. He remembered that Cathar from their first visit to Dantooine. She was the reason Carth had to go back out into the storm to find her. He smiled at the memory. That was when he first discovered her fear of thunderstorms. He wondered what it was about them that she disliked so much. For someone so brave, she had an odd fear.
"Samirah," He finally interrupted, making her look up from her pity party. "It's going to be ok, you know that, right?" She shook her head and he gave her a crooked smile. "You did, after all, save her life. How many people would have given her a second chance when they realized she wasn't on our side anymore?"
"Lots." She stated sourly, a big frown making its way onto her face. "It's the Jedi way. That's beside the point though, Carth. I forgot her. She probably watched as we flew away into the sunset thinking we were laughing at her! By the Force, what if she—"This time, Carth placed his hand over her mouth, giving her a reproachful look.
"You're looking at it a little too harshly. You and Bastila had a lot on your minds at the time and I'm sure she understands that. Isn't understanding things part of the Jedi, too?" He removed his hand and she just groaned, smacking her head against the hull of the ship.
"She probably hates me now…" Carth just rolled his eyes, chucking at how incredulous the idea sounded.
"Come on, no one can hate you." Samirah slowly lifted her head off the cold metal of the ship, keeping her eyes low and away from Carth's face. She hugged her legs tighter, completely aware of his watching eyes.
"…even you?"
The room somehow managed to grow quiet as Carth froze in place. He knew what she was talking about. Even the events of Kashyyyk couldn't make her forget about what he'd said to her.
I'll tell you this much… I amnotgoing to wait around until I'm betrayed again!
Look, I amnotgoing to betray you! What's it going to take to prove to you that I won't betray you! I amnotSaul!
Well, we'll just see about that, won't we?
His face softened as he looked at her, squeezing his hands into tight fists. Once Kashyyyk was behind them, there was more time for them to think and he would have to be very naïve to think she'd forget. He wanted to laugh at the very idea of it. He knew better.
"I, ahhh… I'm not very good at this. I… I know I owe you an apology. Uh, more than one, probably." He started, looking away as he began to rub his hands together. "I… I was just so desperate to finally face Saul directly in the battle over Taris, and now the Jedi have us looking for these… these Star Maps. I know this mission is important, it's just… I feel a bit useless. I can fight, sure, but I'm no Jedi… all this feels completely out of my league." He swallowed hard, feeling the weight of his words floating out in the open. It was one thing to know it: it was a completely other thing to have it said out loud.
He hated, more than anything in the world, to feel powerless and useless when so much was at risk.
"Why don't you return to the front lines, then?" He turned to look at her, hoping that his frustration wasn't coming out in his words again. He didn't want to sound ungrateful or like he didn't want to be here but…
"Because this is more important." He finally said. "This may really, finally, make a difference… I suppose even if I can't figure out everything that's going on, I still want to help if I can. I just hate not knowing what's going on and feeling this… helpless. But I shouldn't have taken that out on you. I've been a royal pain in the backside, haven't I?" Samirah started to laugh, much to Carth's surprise.
She couldn't help it. She just started laughing. Hard. Mostly because she never expected to hear Carth Onasi to ever say he was a royal pain. They had had more than their own fair share of fights over this particular subject and yet, here he was, admitting to it. Carth smiled as she covered her mouth in an attempt to stop her laugh but a few muffled giggles escaped. He realized that it had been way too long since he last heard her laugh. To hear her really laugh.
"Don't worry about it, Carth. It's ok." She finally said as the laughs subsided, smiling softly at him.
"No, I do worry about it." He said, looking at her seriously. She needed to know that he had been thinking about their last conversation… a lot. "I've traveled the lanes more than once, I should know better than this. So… I'm sorry. Will you accept my apology?" She opened her mouth to say yes but promptly shut it, much to his dismay.
She gave him a rueful smile instead, squeezing her legs tighter and pulling them in closer.
"I don't know. Maybe you should work for it, a bit." She said, grinning at him. He shook his head, chuckling at her remark. He should have known it wouldn't have been that easy. He raised an eyebrow at her, giving her a crooked grin.
"Oh? I don't know if I like the sound of that…" She batted her eyes at him, looking as innocently as she could at him. She even went as far as making herself look slightly hurt at his insinuation and at that moment, he knew that if she asked it, he probably would have given her anything she wanted.
"Don't you want me to accept your apology?" He chuckled, rubbing his face with his hands. He gave her a sideways glance, dropping his hands back down against his knees.
"I don't know. What am I going to have to do for it?" She intertwined her fingers together at her knees, leaning as far back as her arms length would let her with a big grin on her face.
"Blow away the bad guys, of course. Save the damsel in distress. The usual thing." He laughed, leaning his head against the hull of the ship again but turning his head so he could still see her.
"Oh, the usual. Well that's not so hard, is it? I'd like to think that's what I've been doing this whole time, so it sounds like I just need to keep it up then, don't I?" Samirah stuck her tongue out at him as he chuckled at her scrunched up face.
She kicked him lightly with her foot and he only chuckled more in response. For a few moments, they just laughed at each other, making sly remarks here and there but all in good fun. They hadn't relaxed like this or enjoyed each other's company in a while and they wanted it to last as much as they could. When the jokes finally subsided and they sat in silence, Samirah nudged him with her foot. He turned his head, keeping it pressed against the wall. His smile still lingering as he looked her. Her brunette hair was sloppily pulled up into a ponytail, several pieces lingering about her face. He resisted the urge to push them away.
"So then… May I ask you a question?" He gave her an inquisitive smirk but nodded, noting how she shifted in place, averting her eyes. "Why do you want revenge on Saul so badly?"
For a moment, he stared at her, all amusement erased from his face. He looked away for the hundredth time, taking a deep breath.
"I already told you. He betrayed us all." He stated with finality, trying to be careful that the poison the memories produced didn't leak out into his voice. He didn't want to lash back out at her. He just got finished reconciling with her and he didn't want to have to start all over again.
He wanted things between him and her to be okay. He didn't want to hurt her anymore.
"It just seems to be more… personal than that, is all. He's the reason you don't want to trust people and I don't mean to pry but… I'd like to know, that is… if you could tell me." He ran his hands through his hair.
"Well, there… there is more to it. I'm… I'm sure you don't want to hear about it though..." Part of him wanted to tell her but what would she think? Did he want to tell her? Did he want to open up like that?
"Well, you know, I did ask." She said, earning his gaze. When he looked at her, she was looking at him thoughtfully through her eyelashes, trying to see his face clearly. "I do, after all, go asking Canderous about his war stories for fun. So… yes, I do, if that's alright with you."
"Oh, I don't think it'll be as interesting as him gunning down a platoon of soldiers or anything." He said with a faint smile that slowly faltered.
"It's just that I… don't talk about it very much…." He went quiet, allowing himself a moment to breath before speaking.
He was going to tell her. If he was going to tell anyone about his history… he felt it would have to be her. If anything else, it might bridge the seemingly large gap between them. A gap he felt was there now more than ever. He felt distant. He felt so far away from her that he couldn't reach her, as if the further they got into their mission, the further away she would be from him. His chest tightened at the thought.
"I told you about my homeworld. Telos. Four years ago, Saul led the Sith fleet there and demanded its surrender. The planet refused and Saul proceeded to devastate its entire surface. Millions died. I had… a wife and son on Telos. I thought they would be safe there. But my task force arrived too late to be of much help. We didn't have enough medical supplies. The colony was burning and the dying were everywhere. I remember holding my wife and screaming for the medics. They… they didn't come in time." He almost choked on the last sentence, breathing steadily so as to keep himself from falling too far into his memories. Their faces still haunted him when he slept sometimes.
"Carth…I didn't… I didn't know…" He laughed bitterly, refusing to meet her eyes.
"Of course not. How could you?" He shrugged his shoulders in response before letting them slump, the feelings of loss and despair over taking him. "I… had nothing left after that, really. I devoted myself to the fleet. Hunting Saul was my only purpose. I… I miss them. It like having this light in your life be put out and so you keep searching for a way to relight it—to keep the candle of your life lit. The light in my life was…" He stopped, letting the unfinished words to die on his tongue.
"I know killing Saul won't bring them back," He stated fiercely, pounding his fists on his knees in frustration, "…and it won't make me happy again… but damn it, I have to do it. I don't expect you to understand. I don't expect anyone too. I don't even expect people to accept what I know I have to do. I have to pay him back for what he's done… I have to. It's all I have left. I can't… I can't just sit and let him… go on like he is. He has to be stopped and I have to do it. Only I can." He said, letting the words echo in his ears.
He was breathing hard. He made that promise to himself four years ago. He made that promise to his dying wife who died… in his arms. His useless arms. Always so useless and helpless.
No more. He wouldn't be that way anymore.
"What… What was she like?" He looked at Samirah, startled at her sudden inquiry.
"What?"
"Your wife." She said, fidgeting in place. "What was… she like?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, as if it was some secret they were sharing. He smiled, looking up at the ceiling of the ship and closing his eyes as he pictured her in his mind.
"She was… She had courage… and she was stubborn. Heh.. . as stubborn as all hell. She was a little bit like you in that respect." He peaked at her from the corner of his eye, watching as Samirah tried to picture his wife too. Her eyes were closed, focusing intensely on her own conjuration of his wife. "I could never talk her out of anything once she put her mind to it. She might have been worse about it then you were. And was she ever the force to be reckoned with when you got her angry. The woman was strong. If you two had ever met…" He said, chuckling at his own image of the two, arguing over something silly as he watched.
"She wasn't one to take no for an answer, either. She also had an amazing willpower and even when times were tough, she never once faltered. Never once had doubts or misconceptions when I had to leave—she always stood behind me, one hundred percent. She understood and I hated that she did. And then I would love her even more for it. She was beautiful, inside and out… and…" His voice wavered, forcing him to take a deep breath as he spoke.
"And she hated it when I signed back onto the fleet at the start of the war. I had planned on… on leaving soon, to join her…"
"What about your son?" She asked quickly, surprising him again. She was trying to not make him linger on difficult memories any longer than necessary. He appreciated it.
"Dustil?" He looked down into his hands, reveling in how useless they were then and how useless they are now. Thinking back to a time when he was able to hold his son in them. "I… I don't know. I don't know what happened to him. The colony was a complete ruin, and we never found any trace of him. I made inquiries and followed the reports from Telos for years, but… I stopped. I just couldn't…. take it. I had to accept the truth despite wanting to… to keep looking." He sighed, letting allthe memories just roll right off of him.
It had been a long time since he let himself revisit those memories, those days, those moments. They still hurt and burned him as if they were happening again but the pain eased the more he spoke. It was… calming, almost, to tell someone about these memories he had been keeping with him for so long.
"I guess… that's my story. For what it's worth." Samirah placed a timid hand on his shoulder, earning his gaze and a ghost of a smile that seemed to want to fade away with his memories.
"Thank you. For this. For finally telling me and opening up to me." She said, smiling softly at him.
"I've… never talked about it before. To anyone" He said, not meeting her eyes. "I suppose it's time I finally did. I suppose… It was time I let go. I've kept it with me, and only me, for so many years… I guess that's where I stopped trusting people. All that… All that pent up anger and distrust… I couldn't afford to let anyone that close ever again. Samirah… I'm sorry. I'm so-"She placed a finger on his lip, stopping him from saying anything more before cupping his chin and making him look at her.
"Shhh… the apology portion of our night is over so you better quit it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling the way you do and holding on to something like that for so long. You did what you thought you had too and I can't fault you for that. I can't fault you for anything. Things like that take time and I'm willing to wait as long as you need me too. Don't force yourself to do anything you aren't ready for. Just know that you don't have to hide it anymore; you don't have to bottle it up and hope that it'll go away. You can tell me. You can let it out. You're not alone in this anymore."
"Isn't that what I'm supposed to tell you?" He said with a crooked smile, the painful memories hidden in the lines of his face and his tired eyes. She smiled ruefully back at him, releasing her hold of his chin.
"I guess I beat you to the punch then, Mr. Onasi. You'll just have to work harder from here on out." He gave her a big smile, nodding his head slowly.
"I guess I will." They smiled at each other, slowly falling into a comfortable silence.
They stared at each other, smiling contently. This was how they were supposed to be. No more fights, no more arguing, no more suspicion and definitely no more accusations. It was supposed to be calm, relaxed and tranquil. To find peace in each other's company. That was how Carth wanted everyday to be like: to always know that she was there for him and for her to always know that he was there for her.
"Samirah, I—" He was interrupted as the comm turned on and Bastila's voice came through.
"Carth, I believe we are all on board and that all the necessary repairs have been made as well as all the restocking of the ships supplies. If you would be so kind as to come to up here and navigate this ship to Tatooine, that would be very much appreciated. Thank you." The comm switched off and Carth sighed again, looking to Samirah with a raised eyebrow.
"So we leave a Jungle and dive head first into the sands of Tatooine?" Samirah shrugged with a smile.
"Hey, she makes the calls, not me. I wouldn't mind heading to Coruscant for a change of pace." He gave her a questioning look and she just shrugged again.
"Coruscant?"
"I don't think there are that many people on Coruscant who want our heads so yes, Coruscant would be a nice place to just relax on… Hell, I'd take Nar Shaddaa. Least I know my way around that place and could easily get us a nice hiding spot." She said, reclining back and folding her hands behind her head. "Anywhere but where the danger is." She mused hopefully.
Carth stood up, reaching his hand out to pull her up to her feet. She took it, letting Carth pull her up effortlessly but in the process, pulled her in close by accident. Very close. Their noses were almost touching but neither one of them moved away. Instead, their eyes locked in and her face slowly started to turn red. She could nearly hear his heart beat and could feel the warmth of his breath on her face. She swallowed hard, raising her hand slowly and placing it on his chest, feeling the rhythm of his heart and how each breath made his chest rise and fall.
She didn't want to move.
He didn't want to move.
"Carth…" She whispered, swallowing hard once more. He opened his mouth to respond but never got the chance.
"Carth!" Bastila shouted from across the ship and they both instantly pulled away from each other.
"I'm coming Bastila! Don't get your robe all in a twist!" He shouted back, stuffing his hands in his pocket. Samirah fiddled with her fingers, trying hard to not make eye contact with him. "I, uh, I better go get us set on course." He said, nudging with his thumb towards Bastila.
Samirah could only nod, trying hard to hide the blush on her face as she did so. How foolish of her… what had happened? What was she expecting to happen? He had just finished telling her the story of his wife and son… what was wrong with her?
"Samirah?" She slowly pulled her gaze up to see Carth looking back at her. He was now in the hallway, his hand on the frame of the door as he smiled at her. "When this is all over, when we do everything that we can to win this war… we'll go somewhere. Coruscant, Nar Shaddaa—you name it. We'll take a vacation, ok?" Her face instantly lit up and all she could do was nod her head at him. He smiled back, disappearing down the hallway to find Bastila.
She fell back against the wall, sliding down the length of it as she fiddled with a strand of her hair. She bit her lower lip, trying hard to not giggle even though she wanted too so badly. When this was all over… they would all be ok. She took a deep breath, smiling at the idea that once this was over she and Carth would… would what?
Her face slowly fell and she smacked her head on the wall again.
What was she expecting? Maybe he meant the whole ship. The entire crew. Why did she automatically assume it would be just him and her? Why would she even assume that as a possibility? The Council would never accept that. It was a ludicrous idea. Nothing could ever happened between them. She needed to get rid of these feelings and she needed to just let them go. Wait. Feelings? What feelings?! She didn't have any feelings! That was Jedi 101: There is no emotion, there is peace.
She rubbed her head with both hands, trying to shake the thoughts from her mind. No, no, no, no! Bad Samirah, bad! How could she even—
A sound in the room made her freeze.
She lifted her head, looking around the cargo hold. There were boxes of new provisions that Zaalbar had acquired but not put away as of yet… but surely they were full? She stood up, slowly walking towards the boxes and opening them up. She could hear the sound of Carth raising the loading ramp and starting up the engines as they plotted the course for Tatooine, but that wasn't the sound she had heard. She ruffled through boxes, finding nothing but food packages and provisions before moving on to newer boxes. When she made it to the supply container, she frowned as she examined empty and half eaten packages.
So this is what Jolee and Zaalbar have been mumbling about. She had had her fair share of provisions but none of which did she leave here. Now that she thought about it, no one aboard the ship would. A rustling sound from behind her drew her attention to the far wall of the cargo bay. She moved as quietly as she could, using a bit of the Force to muffle the sounds of her movement. She lifted a hand, reaching out with more of the Force to discern the sound and to see with the Force. When she felt the presence, she scrunched her eyebrows together.
The wall?
She approached the wall, searching it for some button or some device. There was nothing on the other side of the wall that would cause any noise—not the ship or a crew member at least. When her hand found an anomaly on the wall, she pressed it and the wall lifted to reveal a small girl huddled inside the wall. When she looked at Samirah, her eyes went wide in horror and she started to scream.
"Ahhh! Na abds! Na abds!" The girl cowered inside, using her arms to shield her face from Samirah. She couldn't have been older than nine or ten years old.
"What?! Calm down, calm down! Who are you? How did you get on my ship?" When she reached out to touch the girl, she screamed again, nearly falling into sobs. She had short blonde hair and she was covered in dirt from head to toe.
"Na abds! Me hoot bad liaz! Awnts!" Samirah slowly reached out, attempting to calm the girl down instead of making her scream again.
"Shh, shh, it's ok, it's ok… I'm not here to hurt you… do you understand? I. Won't. Hurt. You." The girl slowly unfolded her arms, looking at Samirah cautiously and at her outstretched hand.
"Yoo… yooba me na abds?" Samirah scrunched her face up again, trying to determine what the girl was attempting to say.
"I don't know what you mean… I don't know that language…" The girl slowly started to unfold herself from within the compartment, her eyes on Samirah the entire time. As she climbed out, Samirah noted all the empty packages that were hidden inside with her. How long had she been a stowaway on this ship?
"Yooba me kapsie?" She asked quietly, shaking her head as if she was trying to tell Samirah she didn't understand either. Samirah gave her the space she needed, trying to not scare her anymore than she had.
"Can you tell me your name? Name. My name… is Samirah. Samirah." She said, pointing to herself. The girl slowly nodded, mimicking the action.
"Waaba soosa Sasha…."
"Sasha?" She said quickly, hoping to be making some progress. "Is that your name? Is that right? Sasha?" The girl nodded quickly, a big smile on her face as she kept pointing to herself. Samirah saw her dirty clothes and noted that they were simple robes, nothing like that of the Jedi Order. Who was she? She wasn't even speaking a common language…
"Waaba soosa Sasha!" She then gestured all around her, small dimples forming on her cheeks as she smiled wide and kept going. "Sasha na esowon in bristag. Bristag me laesfa!"
"Whoa, whoa, slow down… "Samirah said frantically, trying hard to figure out what she was saying. She kept her arms stretched out, trying to measure how close the girl was willing to let her get. "I don't know what you're speaking… it almost sounds Mandalorian but you—"The girl's eyes went wide as she backed away, crying out at Samirah and shaking her head frantically.
"Manlorey! Manlorey is nag on-disen! Manlorey abds!" She screamed and Samirah panicked, waving her hands to try and calm the girl but she only screamed louder, backing herself up into a corner and huddling into a ball.
"What? Manlorey? Is that what you call Mandalorians? So you are speaking Mandalorian? That can't be Mandalorian, can it?" The questions were more directed at herself then at Sasha as she tried to figure out what to do.
She realized too late that just by saying Mandalorian, she made the girl scream louder and more frantic as she waved her arms at Samirah, trying to keep her away. Samirah knelt down as close as Sasha would let her, trying to soothe her.
"Manlorey abds! Manlorey abds! Ahhh!" She screamed again, hiding her face into her knees and rocking herself. Samirah let out a big sigh, watching for a moment as the girl screamed and panicked in the corner of the cargo hold. Tears were streaming down her face.
"You know what? Hold that thought… Canderous! CANDEROUS!" Samirah screamed out loud as she got up and hurried from the cargo hold, leaving the crying girl in her corner for a moment.
She had just turned the corner when she bumped into the very Mandalorian she was seeking. When she lost her balance from impact, he caught and steadied her with a puzzled expression. She immediately clamped both hands on his shoulder and gave him an exasperated look.
"Canderous! By the Force, I need your help!" He lifted an eyebrow at her, looking in the direction of the cargo hold but not able to see inside.
"I figured as much when I heard the screaming and then you shouting my name. What in Mandalore's name are you doing, kid? Torturing Mission in there?" He asked suspiciously and Samirah shook her head slowly at him, no hint of humor in her face.
"No… worse…" She grabbed his arm and pulled him into the cargo hold where Sasha cried.
She looked up to see Samirah and Canderous, only to scream again and scoot as far away as she possibly could. She couldn't go further than the wall but never the less, she made the attempt. Canderous winced at her crying, trying to turn around and leave but Samirah kept him in place. He just grimaced as she kept a firm hold of his arm.
"Oh no you don't, I need you right now." She stated firmly. "Sasha. Sasha. Sasha!" She screamed, holding her hand out with the force stop her movements and calm her down. Sasha shivered in place, her lower lip quivering as she kept her eyes on Canderous. "Sasha, he is my friend. Friend. Good. He won't hurt you. Understand? No hurt."
Her eyes watered as Samirah slowly lowered her hand. Sasha didn't scream, but instead, shivered in place.
"No…No abds? Manlorey no abds?" Canderous' face scrunched up as he looked to Samirah for clarification. She only shook her head at Sasha.
"I'm assuming you're asking if he'll hurt you. No Sasha, he won't hurt you, right, Canderous?" When he didn't say anything, she jabbed him in the side with her elbow and he grunted.
"Yeah, sure, I don't plan on hurting you kid. Not sure why I'm even here." He said, looking to Samirah with a raised eyebrow.
She put a hand up to her forehead, looking at Canderous wearily.
"I don't know what she's speaking. Bits of it sound like Mando'a to me but my Mando'a is a little rusty." Canderous just grunted again as he smirked, earning himself another jab from Samirah.
"So you want me to try and figure out the kid's language?" He asked, crossing his arms and leaning on one leg so as to better look at Samirah.
"I don't know!" She admitted. "Who did you want me to go ask? Zaalbar? Look, you know Mando'a better than I do and all I want is your help. Either we figure out what she's saying or you help me teach her Mando'a. Or something… I don't know Canderous. I don't know what to do. Whatever we do, it'd be easier with your help…" She admitted finally, looking back at the shivering girl who was hiding her face again.
"Well, I guess I don't have anything better to do then, kid. What's the first step?" He asked and she smiled at him, quickly jumping up and hugging him. He froze a moment before she pulled away and noted his horrified expression of surprise.
"Oh…" she said, fidgeting. "Right. Not a touchy, feely kind of guy are you?" She asked and the grimace on his face answered her question. "Right. Ok. First plan of action. We need to clean her up before we do anything else."
"You've got to be kidding me…" Canderous muttered, rubbing the back of his head. Samirah gave him a stern look and he grumbled before looking at the child. "Come with me, child." He said sternly in Mando'a. The girl looked at him funny before Samirah knelt down and offered her hand.
"Come with us." Samirah repeated, amending it so as to include herself. She shot him a look and Canderous just rolled his eyes, but nodded in compliance. Sasha gingerly took her hand and they led her through the ship, letting her take each step quietly and steadily.
"You know, you're going to owe me for this." Canderous said with a sly smile, ignoring Sasha for the moment as she slowly walked with them. She was careful to inspect every inch of the ship while she had the chance.
"Do I? If I recall correctly, someone still owes me for getting their ass off Taris and away from a crime lord." She countered with a playful smile. Canderous looked away, grunting in response. "So I guess this makes us even."
Her smile grew bigger when she saw a crooked smile slowly forming on his face.
They made it quietly to the refresher, opening it up and letting Sasha inside. Samirah gave her everything she would need, promising to check back in after she found Sasha some clothes. Sasha was reluctant to let Samirah leave, her eyes darting back and forth from her to Canderous. So, Samirah had to amend her statement and ask Canderous if he would find something for the girl to wear. After an incredulous look from Canderous and some eye rolling, he finally left and Sasha was able to relax after a moment. Samirah waited outside the door as Sasha washed off and scrubbed away the dirt and grime that had accumulated on her from within the small compartment she had made her home.
Samirah sat on the floor beside the door, hugging her legs to her chest and resting her forehead on her knees. It had been one of those days. She was sure that they had already left Dantooine and she couldn't ask that they turn around and go back now. She would have to keep Sasha on board for now and so long as she listened and didn't scream anymore… Samirah was sure she could handle it.
She smiled with her eyes closed, thinking on how Sasha almost resembled Seyda.
The only thing that has made me strong since then is that I have found something—someone—I want to protect.
I remember holding my wife and screaming for the medics. They… they didn't come in time.
She shivered as a cold chill ran down her spine.
To have someone you cared for… to be able to protect them… that was a source of strength but it was also a weakness. Titus believed he had found his strength through Seyda and that he could be strong and protect people. Carth… He lost his wife and in doing so, lost faith in himself and in others. Should you lose them, that person you wanted to protect—should you prove unable to protect them… what happens to your resolve? She understood why the Jedi teach you to forgo all emotion but that was something she struggled to let go of.
To her, it was like putting out the light of a candle. The warmth and the light would be gone and you'd be left with an empty, cold room. She shivered at the thought of how Carth must have felt, holding his dying wife in his arms and knowing that there was nothing more he could do to save her. That was a feeling of helplessness she hoped she never had to feel; never had to face.
A timid hand on her shoulder startled her from her thoughts as she turned to see Sasha standing behind her with a towel wrapped around her. Her hair was dripping wet as steam rolled out of the refresher, her face flushed from the warmth. Samirah smiled, wiping away the strands that stuck to her forehead. She got a clear view of the girls face, her prominent features and the green-blue eyes that looked back at her. Her blonde hair was cropped at her chin, clinging to her damp skin as she shivered in the brisk air of the ship.
"Sa… mirah…" She said slowly and Samirah's face lit up in delight.
"Yes, Sasha. Samirah." She whispered back, pointing to herself with a nod of her head. Sasha returned the expression, smiling excitedly despite her shivers.
Samirah moved herself from her sitting position to sitting on her legs and pulling Sasha into her arms. The girl instinctively curled up into her, snuggling into the warmth that radiated from Samirah. She took the end of the towel and tried to dry off Sasha's head but she the small girl wouldn't stop fidgeting.
No more dying, Samirah thought, no more helpless endeavors and no more pouting over what could be. She looked at Sasha with a smile as the girl frowned. There were still a few smudges on her face that she promptly wiped away despite Sasha's protest.
"I'll keep you safe, little one. Understand?" Sasha just looked at her quizzically, obviously not understanding but Samirah hoped she understood enough to know that she was safe here. "No more hurt."
"No abds." Sasha stated firmly, somewhat getting at what Samirah was saying… least she hoped so. Samirah nodded, a small smile on her face.
"That's right. No abds. Not anymore."
And done.
Two chapters.
I was aiming for three but seeing as how long this second one turned out and how long you guys were already waiting, I said to hell with it, and focused on these two. But I will have another, as always! I would say "soonish" but every time I do, it's about 3-4 months later so I'm going to work on it and post it "as soon as I can". I will try my hardest to not make you wait any longer then necessary. My semester is out and the summer is mine and I plan on writing. A lot.
Besure to R&R if you would, tell me what you think and anything else. I am always happy to hear from you all.
A happy note goes out to Athena Sapphire yet again, for messaging and keeping tabs on me so that I don't get lost in my own world for too long. I thank you my dear, I always appreciate a message from you 3
She also informed me of a car that had the license plate SAMIRA7. That is awesome. Samirah strikes again!
A big thank you to everyone as well. For your patience and understanding as I get myself into gear.
You guys are the best.
-SS-
