Author Note

This chapter is rated above T and slightly M just because if the themes but nothing explict so no worries. Sorry for being late and leaving you with the previous cliffhanger. Thanks so much for everyone who is supporting this fic so far. I'm grateful for your insightful comments and views.

Enjoy ^_^


Kowarete Ita Nani No Tame Ni

Chapter Twelve

Before the Dawn

Sleepiness and Awakening are separated by a thin line. The moment you realize that you open your eyes, you'll see another world you're familiar with. The burning light told his eyelashes to part slightly but his mind refused to let go of his dreamless sleepiness. The light was so hot and painful that he couldn't do anything except welcoming the real world that spread in front of his eyes.

A freaked out voice was the first thing that registered to him after how damned the artificial light was. The third thing was the clean smell in the air. Too clean to suffocate him…much different from the death scent he had felt before sleeping. His heart beats jumped so crazily that he expected a heart attack. He sat in his bed and looked around him wildly. The voice's source approached him hurriedly in hopes to placate his fears.

'It's okay, Kouji.' The female voice sighed in relief when he looked at her calmly and resumed.' We were so worried. I am glad you're okay.' A combination of tiredness and worry threatened to lead her to falling apart but she tried to remain as strong as she could.

'We're in the hospital.' She answered the expected question before even being pronounced. He gazed at her silently for a long time as if he couldn't put a finger on who she was. She smiled kindly and sat next to him on the bed.

'It's okay now.' She repeated in assurance.

This time he avoided looking at her eyes and fixed his gaze on the white blanket. So white. So pure. The same whiteness degree that the towel had before turning into disgusting bloody red. Images flowed to his mind like a waterfall. He shivered, hands fisting the sheets as if they were his life line. The images didn't stop shattering his mind into pieces. .

'Of course it's.' He was surprised at his steady tone despite the stuttered letters that jumped over each other. It was impressive that he could say anything at all. He continued darkly .'I wonder if his ghost would leave us alone.'

A laugh that was mixed with strangling sobs. 'Everything is okay now. He won't be here to turn our perfect life into hell.'

'K-Kouji…'Satomi was startled by his words but he ignored her completely.

'Did you burn him? I'm sure he didn't even get a grave in the end. He'd like be laid by his mother's grave but he couldn't, could he? My father doesn't really know where that grave is after all.' He started his words with a trembled smile to end up crying silently.

'Please, Kouji. '

'I told him to die and he was such a good brother to listen to me.' Kouji looked at her before giving a wide, awkward smile that tried so hard to stay strong but failed as tears kept falling. 'I'm so happy. I don't have to worry about anything anymore.'

'That's enough!' she couldn't raise her voice, her own tears couldn't hold on any longer.

'He had enough, you know.' His eyes wandered to the blank ceiling as he addressed her. 'You'd enough too. You should be happy now.' He smiled so sweetly to her. 'It's all over. Otou-san must have been too happy to even face me. Can't blame him. Kouichi had done a favor to all of us. I shouldn't have tried to…to'

And he collapsed completely as if he had finally realized the tip-toing tears that sneaked in agony.

He had tried to say anything but couldn't not only because words refused to make a sesne but because of the arms that hugged him tightly. He was startled but so drained to push her away.

'Don't do this to yourself, Kouji…please.' She pleaded between the sobs.

'W-why?'

She pulled away slightly to look at his sorrowful eyes. 'We were worried about both of you.'

His eyes widened dramatically but he didn't say anything.

'I meant it when I said everything will be okay. Your brother, you and us will be okay.'

'W-what do you mean?'

'If you had done anything to him that would be saving him. You and Kanabara-kun had done a great job.' She sobbed again as if she could hardly believe what she was talking about.

'I-I didn't…'

Her hands patted his shoulders proudly. 'You two had stopped the bleading and you kept him warm enough not to catch a deadly cold. Kananara-kun called the ambulance quickly. If it weren't for you two…' She smiled sincerely.

He had listened to her but he could barely understand what the words meant. They had saved him. Would that mean Kouichi was…?

'Your father is with the doctor now. Kouichi's condition is stable.'

'He didn't care. To him, it'd be better if…'

She shook her head and said sternly. 'Your father was dead worried. Don't judge him cruelly, Kouji. He loves you two so much.'

She didn't agree with Kousei's way of solving the problem but she couldn't stand hearing his son misjudge him without knowing anything.

'He won't let you two live apart. He's trying so hard to keep you together so please trust him a bit more. Just don't hate him…'

Her words were so awkward but were uttered with deep confidence and ultimate trust as if she had known something he didn't know. Without further thinking, he just nodded.

'It isn't fair though.' He said suddenly, ready to open his heart for the first time.

She held his right hand tightly and encouraged him to continue.

'He wanted to die and we had stopped him. He wouldn't forgive us.'

'Then why shouldn't we change that?' she tightened her grip on the child's cold hand. 'If he woke up to find everything the same, he wouldn't like it but if he found that everything had changed, he would give us another chance, right?'

Allowing the child inside him to pronounce his thoughts, he wondered. 'What do you mean?' He needed to listen to someone else. Someone who is older enough to give him advice.

'We're his family, Kouji. We have to let him feel that. It's our responsibility.' Another smile that lightened the room softly.

Satomi said shamefully. 'I hurt him so much.'

He was about to protest. If anyone had been nice to Kouichi, that person would be Satomi. She continued. 'I considered him a burden and I hated how his existence destroyed my normal life. I merely pitied him and that hurts even more than treating him badly. If I was against Kousei's behaviors, it would be due to my sense of justice and not my feelings towards Kouichi.'

'He is so sensitive. It was so easy for him to tell who had really cared about him. Unfortunately no one.' Kouji whispered as if talking to himself.

'That's not true. You cared so much about him. You still care otherwise you wouldn't have been here.' She reassured gently before heaving a long sigh. 'I have to go now. I must tell your father about you.'

'Would he take him away?' He inquired helplessly.

The way he wondered was so torn and hopeless. He looked like a young child to her. Soon she found herself hugging him like a mother. 'He would never take him from you, Kouji. You should stay together.'

'Thank you.' It had been the first time he had ever thanked her from the bottom of his heart and that was enough to let her cry again but she stopped herself by heading towards the door.

'Kanabara-kun wanted to stay but it was getting late so his father had taken him home. He's a good friend.' She added as a final thought before closing the door behind her.

He came to like her. She was different from how he had expected her to be even after years of living together. She showed her emotions freely without hiding them behind the collected mask she used to wear. She was so kind and caring. Satomi wanted to help his brother. She wanted him to be a part of their family and in return she asked to be a member too.


Depending on others was something he rejected but he didn't truly despise it that much now. If it weren't for Takuya, Kouichi would have been dead. And if Satomi wasn't with him when he woke up, he would have gone insane.

Kouji knew that he shouldn't leave his room but he couldn't remain there. It was three in the morning. Most patients were asleep. No one had suspected him when he asked for Kouichi's room number. It took a while for a nurse to find a patient with the description he gave which surprised him. When he asked about Kouichi, she couldn't find any similar name in the data but once telling her how he looked like and why he had been there, she had gave him to required information.

Room 417 was two floors from his current room. When he was three rooms near the targeted room, he faintly heard the familiar cold voice of his father. A slight shiver ran down his spin. His father wouldn't be happy to see him out his room. Yet that was the surface reason for his tension. He wasn't ready to face him. In fact, he didn't want to face him. Not yet. Despite his worries, he couldn't overcome the curiosity that took over him suddenly. His father's voice was low and careful as if he was thinking about every word. The source of the voice was a doctor's room. Making up his mind, he came too d dangerously close. Luckily for him, the door was slightly open.

Satomi's gentle voice appeared seconds later to be formally interrupted by the doctor.

'So Minamoto-san, the boy had been found by you few days ago in a critical condition and wasn't well enough to be taken to a hospital so you kept him home for a while to recover.'

His father nodded.

The doctor wrote dawn something in his notes. Then asked professionally. 'Is it true that the boy had no information whatsoever about him and you couldn't get anything from him except his name? Kouichi wasn't it?

Satomi seemed baffled with what she was hearing but she remained quite while Kousei involved himself fully in the conversation.

'That's right, Takashi-sensei. He was so sick to be sent to an orphanage and the police might not be too kind to a homeless child so I considered keeping him for a short time before sending him to a proper orphanage.'

'So you want to send him to an orphanage?'

'True but in order to adopt him legally.' Kousei sighed in tiredness and continued. 'You see my wife and son had become so fond of him. He became like a part of our family.'

'Hmm, isn't this a bit awkward? According to you, he stayed in your house for less than two weeks. And if you were so nice to him, why would he try to commit suicide?' The doctor asked suspiciously.

'I'm sorry, sensei but your tone holds accusation.' Kousei said sharply, narrowing his eyes. 'Two weeks wouldn't be enough for him to heal from whatever happened to him in the past no matter how kind we were to him.'

The doctor was taken aback by the serious tone and laughed good naturally. 'I am sorry to disturb you, Minamoto-san. I'm not a police officer but it was kinda weird to witness such an incident.

Kousei remained as cold as ice. 'I believe there would be no need for the police then.'

The doctor leaned back in his chair and took his eyes off. ' As long as you can prove that the child hadn't been hurt during the two week he lived with you, there would be no need to.'

The doctor was young and ambitious with smart dark eyes. He knew that causing trouble for a famous lawyer like Minamoto Kousei wouldn't be beneficial besides the Minamotos seemed as if they really care about the boy. He cleaned his glasses and looked between Kousei and his wife before explaining professionally. 'It's true that all the wounds on the boy's body seem at least four months old. We also found a high percentage of drugs in his blood. Not high enough to be dangerous. He isn't addicted or anything so don't worry.'

Kousei faked a relieved sigh. 'He wasn't emotionally stable though.'

'That's natural after what he had been through. As a doctor, I'm not supposed to leak any information about the patient to someone other than his family but taking the conditions in consideration, I have to tell you.'

'Go on, sensei.'

Getting their attention, the black-haired doctor started. 'His body is full of wounds and scars. Some are old and some are few months new. One of his kidneys is missing and we can safely say that that operation wasn't legal. In other words he had been subject to some illegal operation to trade his internal members. That isn't fatal but it must have caused him a trauma. He must have been abused physically and even sexually. '

Satomi gasped in horror. 'You don't mean…?'

The doctor apologized just how a doctor should after giving some unpleasant information. 'I'm afraid it's true. We're used to such cases. Homeless kids are subject to that. It's not surprising for a boy his age with an adorable face like his.' The doctor sounded really sorry. 'He has innocent features and if he was living in the streets for a while, it would be unfortunately normal that he had been a victim to some psychos. As a result he had a trauma that could endanger his life. I can't say he wouldn't try killing himself again if he could. He must have been scared.'

Kouji was in another world during hearing all their interaction. His head was spiraling with terrible flashbacks. Kouichi's traumatic reactions. The way he kept hiding from everyone. All that fear. All that horror in his eyes when he called him a doll that could be bought easily. The nightmares. The desire to die.

They kept talking about "the boy" and he couldn't tolerate it any longer. His father had remained cool and understanding but he could see him trembling in rage. Kousei looked more professional than the doctor but what the doctor couldn't see, Kouji noticed clearly. The way his father had fisted his palm under the table. The raged expressions that flashed in his eyes during the doctor's explanation. For a moment, he thought his father would break something or shout at the doctor to stop but the exhaustion prevented him from other than nodding every now and then.

The lie his father had weaved seemed very believable and he couldn't bring himself to storm into the room to deny it. His father had planned for something but he couldn't get what it was. He admitted that he wanted to adopt Kouichi but why? Hadn't he already adopt him? Why did he deny that? Satomi had remained silent as if she was surprised herself but not shocked…as if she knew something he didn't.

He didn't really care as long as his father wanted to take Kouichi back with them. What mattered to him was the boy they were talking about. His brother. He wished he could kill whoever had caused him pain before…to tear them into small pieces…to destroy them but he couldn't. At the moment it wasn't important what had happened but what he could do to erase its effects…to help his brother stand on his own.

He headed towards Kouichi's room with a heavy heart and with information he wished he remained ignorant to.

To Be Continued~!


Post Author Note

In Japan, they burn dead bodies in funerals and that's what Kouji meant. I know that the doctor isn't so professional here but it's natural. He was curious and quite young to be totally professional in his work.

Thanks so much for your support *bows politely* I appreciate it =^.^=

Please tell me what you think. Till next time :)