The springtime breeze during the day in Lulukoko felt no different than the sweltering summer heat, but Ludus relished in the cooler air that came at night, especially over the water. He let out a sigh as it traveled over his face and bare arms, a refreshing treat from the busy day…
"If you don't row any faster, it'll be morning by the time we get out there." A familiar voice pulled him from his thoughts.
If you helped, we'd get there much sooner – there are two sets of oars, after all…
It took Ludus all he could not to roll his eyes. He bit his tongue to keep from replying, lest he say something to agitate her further.
"Oh…" Iluka's irritability seemed to be forgotten for the moment as she watched out at the glittering water before them. "Wow," she breathed.
The sky and water blended into a beautiful azure galaxy around them, the sparkling water and stars lighting their way. The soft breeze, the gentle sounds of the water rushing around the oars of the boat, the brightness of the moon shining down upon them…
"It's like floating through space." Iluka's eyes were wide as she took in the scenery.
A smile crept across Ludus's lips despite his frustration at her moments ago; it was easy to forget how contrary she could be when she was genuinely excited about something. The lights reflected in her large eyes and he had to admit that she looked absolutely beautiful in her joy.
You'd almost forget how pushy she can be, he thought with an inward smirk.
"Mahalo for bringing me out here," she murmured, giving his arm a pat. Her smile was one of pure gratitude.
He gave her hair a playful ruffle; she would always be a goofy little sister to him. "No problem."
Her smile fell, and he immediately regretted his words. "Oh, I wasn't aware that it could have been a problem."
Ah, there it is…
Iluka's temper and attitude were bound to make an appearance. Ludus must have been a fool for thinking this evening would go so smoothly. He had asked Iluka to join him on Sealight Night. The young woman had been looking out at the outgoing boats with a distinct sadness in her eyes. At the sight of him, she had attempted to hide her expression, but it was too late; he had seen the crack in her mask. Ludus had held a sympathetic hand out to her, asking if she wanted to join him and enjoy the scenery. Her eyes were misty as she gave a nod in approval, silently following him out to the final empty boat.
He decided not to dignify her snark with a reply. He focused on his rowing, listening to the rhythm of his strokes.
"Well?" He could hear the strain in her voice.
"Noʻu ka hauʻoli – the pleasure is mine," he responded, hiding the traces of exasperation in his voice.
She seemed dissatisfied with this response as he paddled along. Iluka let out a deep sigh. "Looks like the special spot I was thinking about has been taken." Her piercing eyes moved toward a small outline of a boat in the distance. She put her hands on her hips, gritting her teeth.
"Well, this spot looks as good as any," Ludus interjected, slowing his rowing. It had been a long day in the workshop, and he was eager to give his arms a rest. It had been a while since he attended the festival, as it had romantic connotations and he had been happily single for quite some time. He was glad that his friend was willing to join him, as the sky and sea tonight seemed to be begging for him to enjoy.
I guess there was always the option of coming out here myself. It's a bit unorthodox, but…
Iluka exhaled deeply. "Second best…" Her words were so low they were barely audible.
Whether she was referring to their spot or her company, he wasn't sure. Ludus bit back a sigh of his own.
Yes, the option was always there.
He turned toward his friend. "What is this really about?"
Iluka let out a groan, resting her chin in the palm of her hand. Her eyes were drawn out to the water, but Ludus noticed that she was focusing on another boat in the distance. It wouldn't be the first time he was subject to her misguided anger.
"Is something going on between you and Siluka?" he asked in disbelief. The twins hardly disagreed on anything.
She shook her head, her hair tumbling down her shoulders. "It's frustrating that I can't even let it evolve into something, because there's very little privacy when your sister can read your aura." She shrunk her shoulders down and kept her voice low despite the fact that Siluka's boat was a vague shape on the horizon.
Ludus bit his tongue; the two had read his aura several times without permission and while they were respectful about it sometimes, it had also led to many near-arguments and bits of unsolicited advice.
"In fact, I did such a good job of hiding it that Siluka has no idea…" Iluka let out a huff in frustration. Her gaze moved back toward the sparkles on the water in an attempt to soothe herself.
"Would it help to talk about it?" Ludus asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.
A pair of violet eyes turned toward him. They were wide, beseeching.
She almost doesn't seem like Iluka…
"I did something really stupid!" Her voice cracked as she balled her fists. "But it's technically Siluka's fault!" she added as an afterthought. She turned her head back toward the water in embarrassment. "It's that stupid 'Siluka's Special' item on our menu!"
Her friend couldn't help but let out a lighthearted chuckle. "Ah, the 'Siluka Special'…" He had ordered that on more than a few occasions and the complex dish was hard to compare to anything else.
"Her recipes are overly complicated, and she had stepped out… Henry volunteered to help me make it for a customer, but I was so embarrassed…"
Ludus gave a sympathetic nod. "You want your customers to have faith in your skills."
She gave a nod, swallowing the lump in her throat. "So… I thought I'd get even. If I could embarrass Henry, he'd be quiet about what happened…"
His nod became much less compassionate as his eyebrows rose. "Blackmail…"
Ah, this is definitely Iluka.
"It was so stupid! And I felt really bad about it!" she shot back, rubbing her arm as she kept her gaze averted. "But I was too embarrassed to say that to his face, so…" Iluka exhaled deeply, afraid to finish the story.
They sat in silence for a moment as she gathered herself. She felt a gentle squeeze from a calloused hand and looked up at Ludus with a broken smile.
"What I did was even more embarrassing." She shook her head. "I borrowed Siluka's clothes and made sure he was doing alright. I posed as her and apologized for what I had done."
Ludus's eyes widened, but he said nothing.
"He came to visit the other day. I left the room and heard him tell Siluka he thinks she's a good sister with a kind heart." She blinked the mistiness out of her eyes. She recalled the day on the beach when she first felt that uncomfortable sting in her heart. "I saw them taking a nap down by the shore together the other day… They looked so comfortable together… And now tonight… it just seems like they're getting even closer."
"… You're jealous." His words weren't accusing, but rather, understanding.
The sparkles from the water reflected off of her face and Ludus could catch the blush on Iluka's cheeks as she snatched her hand back. She put her hands on her hips, her brow knitting. She stood frozen in time, fighting the urge to deny his statement.
What is really so wrong with being honest?
He gave her a knowing smile; he could see that she was floundering and silently begging for his help.
"It's a natural instinct when you care about someone." His voice was gentle.
Iluka's conditioned response caused her to inwardly cringe. Her eyes flashed at him angrily. "Wh-who says I-?"
"You basically just did," he interjected calmly. "Or are you saying you misspoke?"
She turned her body out to face the water and she looked down at her reflection. A tear fell into the water and the glittering sparkles played with the ripples Iluka had created. "I… I really do… care about him, I mean."
"We instinctively want to spend more time with the people we like, but we have to also remember they have their own lives, too."
Ludus had a tendency to be a little too frank sometimes.
"I know that! Why else do you think I told them to go along when Siluka asked me if it was alright?"
She could still see the calm peacefulness in her sister's eyes as she talked to Henry. Perhaps it was a trick of the light, but Iluka could have sworn the farmer's face looked rather flushed, even in the dark. The very memory caused an uncomfortable twisting in her stomach.
"I just… I just wished he looked at me the way he looks at her." She squirmed, shifting in her seat. The boat rocked a little in her fidgeting. Why did he have to pressure her into saying such awkward things?
Ludus gave her a sad smile; it was more than apparent that his friend was out of her comfort zone. "It might be something you want to talk to Siluka about. Maybe she doesn't know your feelings on the matter."
"I know she doesn't know. I've been trying to keep it that way," she snapped back. She brushed her long locks away from her face. "Besides… how am I supposed to compete with her? Siluka's so gentle and kind… I'm just…" She was at a loss for words as she looked out into the night.
Pushy, bossy, rude, dishonest…
"You're you," Ludus offered gently.
She felt a lump form in her throat. "And that's exactly the problem. I wish I were Siluka…"
There was an uncomfortable silence as they both looked out at the water.
"But no one else can be you," Ludus finally said. He gave her hand a pat. "You're not the same person as your sister, but that's okay. No one wants you to be someone you aren't."
"But…" her words faded as she took his hand and gripped it. She thought of her sharp words, her angry tirades, and her heart breaking as she saw the frowns on peoples' faces. "I… I always end up pushing away people I care about." Her hands returned to her hips as her brow furrowed.
He gave her a sympathetic look. "People sometimes do that because they feel like they need to protect themselves. What are you scared of?"
Her words caught in her throat. He was blunt, but there was honesty in what he said. She mulled his words over his her head as she averted her gaze. "I'm afraid of a lot of things," she admitted. Twiddling her thumbs, she looked at him. "I'm afraid if I really let myself be open… people won't like me."
After all, there are a lot of things about me to dislike… No wonder Henry didn't choose to spend time with me…
"If I were more like Siluka…" Her voice trailed off.
"More like her how?"
She bit her lip. "I… I want to be someone people can talk to. When Henry spoke with me as Siluka the other day, he was so… open."
Ludus folded his arms across his chest. "You can be that, too, as Iluka. There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself, but there's no need to feel like you have to be someone else to do that. Before you speak, maybe think about how your words will make someone feel. And I think the more open people are with you, the more you'll realize people will want to know the real you, too."
A halfhearted smile formed on her lips; she knew things were not that simple. Still, changes needed to be made if she wanted people to understand where she was coming from. "I'll just have to practice on you from now on."
"That's fine by me." A lighthearted chuckle escaped him. Their eyes met, and his expression sobered. "Hey… I'm glad you're Iluka."
She felt a warm glow in her chest as she took his offered hand and held it. "M-Mahalo…"
Maybe things really can change. Maybe I really can talk to Siluka…
… and Henry.
I can be honest and still be Iluka.
They sat in silence until they noticed the placement of the moon.
"I suppose it's getting late," Iluka lamented, tearing her gaze from the water. "Are you ready to go back?"
Ludus gave a nod and grabbed the oars. "Alright. Hey, I enjoyed spending time with you this evening."
She gave a small chuckle. "Even listening to my complaining?"
He grinned in response. "That's part of a big brother's duties, isn't it? I can get used to this more open, honest Iluka."
She blinked in surprise and gave him a smile. "Mahalo." The sincerity in her eyes caught him off guard. "Really… mahalo for everything."
"I'll always look out for you."
Ludus dipped the oars into the water and was surprised when he heard an additional small splash. He looked up to see his friend with an oar in each hand as well.
"In a hurry to go home?"
She shook her head. "Not particularly, but I want to help."
"Let's take the long way back, then."
The giggle that she gave in agreement was musical and traveled over the waves. A weight had been lifted and Iluka had never looked more radiant, more like her own person. Her playful grin was brighter than the sea and the sky, chasing away the darkness of the night.
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Author's Notes: Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to be a contributor to the zine. :)
