Again I do not own The twilight Saga! Next chapter coming tomorrow. Let me know what you think please! Same warning still all apply
"Bella" She said quietly and paused for what seemed like hours "What did you do?" She wore and expression of shock and terror on her face.
I repeated her words in my head what did YOU do, she knew. She knew what it was. I couldn't escape it. My face mimicked hers with terror. "I ... I …." I could feel myself crumpling "I am … sorry Alice" That was it, the sobs came in full force, as I yanked my knees up to my chest. I was thankful Charlie was at work, there was no hiding the noise coming from my throat now.
Alice grabbed my shoulders and made me look at her. I could see the fear in her eyes again and I suddenly felt a wave of guilt "Bella, talk to me, tell me what's wrong, what can I do?" Her voice broke on the last word.
"Alice, I don't know what to say" I blurted out between cries "I don't want help. You can't tell anyone Alice, swear it" I begged with all I had.
"Bella," She spoke softly now just holding me as I cradled my legs stroking my hair "I can't do that. I have to help you. I can't keep this a secret" I stared at her, she was full of remorse.
I could feel my chest collapsing. Panic rising in my throat. The walls were coming in towards me and there were black spots across my vision "Please" I screamed "Don't". I was in complete panic attack mode now. My hearing had gone fuzzy, vomit threatened to cover my bed. I couldn't breathe, the harder I tried the worse it got. I could hear Alice saying something to me but I couldn't understand what it was. She pulled my face from my hands and once again forced me to look at her. I could see pain in her face, I must look a state and it was obviously terrifying her. I wasn't going to win my argument about keeping it a secret if I looked like this to her. I focused on my breathing and didn't look away from Alice's eyes to keep me focused. It slowly started to work.
"Bella, why didn't you talk to me? How long has this been happening? You can talk to me about anything, it might have stopped you doing this" She pointed to my arm. She was eyeing my body up and down and I knew she was wondering how much damaged I had done to the rest of my skin. I was quite calm by this point, a state of numbness.
"What was I meant to say Alice? I have gone crazy?! My life is perfect but I am more depressed I have ever been?"
"You aren't crazy! You are ill. Really ill, and when people are unwell they go to a doctor" She seemed to solidify something in her mind.
"No Alice. No! I will shake it off" I knew what she was thinking and there was no way that was happening. Not if I had anything to do with it. Then I realised I might not have anything to do with it.
"How long Bella? And don't lie to me" Alice was very stern now and I knew there was no point fabricating the truth, it just won't work on her.
"Pretty much as soon as you all left and it hasn't stopped … obviously"
"Let me see your other arm and legs"
"No chance!" I knew that one had been coming. But considering my arm was nothing compared to the rest of my body, I knew this wasn't a good idea.
"Do you want me to make you Bella? I need to know the extent of this"
"Alice, please, don't you see, this is why I didn't tell you"
"This isn't some high school secret! You are obviously so depressed that you have to hurt yourself and I would argue that is mighty serious, especially since I am the only one who knows at the moment" I knew she was right, but my terror of what people are going to think of me clouded my judgement.
"Show me. Now. Otherwise I won't have choice but to make you" I could tell she was serious, and I wasn't about to make an enemy out of Alice.
I gave in. What was the point in hiding now "Fine. Please don't hate me, try to understand" Alice looked terrified, she knew this was going to be worse from my words.
I stood up slowly and took my dressing gown off completely and unbuttoned my sleep shirt. I took that off to start with, Alice's eyes were not leaving me, it was unnerving. I dropped my old sweats to the floor, and I was stood in front of her in just my underwear. I was shaking too much, I thought I was going to collapse.
Alice didn't look angry, but horrified and that was worse. She stood up and walked around my body, looking at my legs, which were destroyed but cuts. If I didn't know vampires were unable to cry, I would have sworn I saw her wipe her a tear away. She looked in pain herself, like it was hard to look at me.
Alice was suddenly very serious, almost painfully so as she took her eyes off my body and looked at my face.
"Bella you need to tell me the truth" She took a depth breath and held my gaze "Do you want to end your life?"
I didn't know how to respond. Of course, it had crossed my mind, several times. The longer this goes on the more dangerous I feel, no way out, no escape. But I don't know if I could do it to my family. I would prefer to be dead but does that mean I would take that drastic step myself, I don't know but I couldn't confidently say no.
The silence went on too long. Alice had her answer and that was enough for her. Her phone was out of her pocket and she was dialling before I could stop her. She had a determined look in her eye.
"Carlisle, I am bringing Bella up to you. Make sure everyone is out of the house. Its urgent" I couldn't hear his response and I was too stunned to move close to listen. "No, she isn't hurt, well" I pleaded with Alice silently, staring into her eyes. She exhaled loudly and I guess she realised that this was a conversation for the phone "Can you just sort it and we will explain when we get there" She hung up the phone. "Ok I sure that will be fine"
"I am sorry Bella. I have to do something. Edwards isn't home, it's just Carlisle and Esme. He told me the others decided to join the boys. Esme will stay out of the way"
"So, you aren't going to tell Edward?" I was hopeful again now. I wanted to protect him.
"Bella, lets worry about that later"
